• Member Since 5th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen February 10th

Kaptein


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There are twelve of us, four from each tribe. Twelve of the most elite and powerful guards in all of Equestrian history with one goal in mind: to protect Princess Celestia’s life no matter the cost. Error is not a word in our dictionary. We don’t comprehend the definition of failure.

Honestly, it’s not all that bad. Sure it’s tight out there - but we’re family. A close, knuckleheaded family of brothers and sisters bonded through putting up with Celestia’s nonsense. There’s not a thing we wouldn’t do for each other. The Princess knows it - it’s why she trusts us as much as she does. And why we trust the Princess as much as we do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please note, the format, perspective and even tense will change from chapter to chapter depending on which character's perspective its being written from. Some will be first-person, others third. Just a heads-up.

Remember: If you fave or comment, please leave a 'like' as well! (Or a dislike, and let me know why you didn't like it)


*EDIT* Holy smokes. Featured? This is probably the best day of my life since ever. Wow.

Many thanks to ward282, MagicKnight55 and metallusionsismagic for proof-reading and editing. I wouldn't have made it this far without them.

And also, many thanks to Cormac McCloppy for help with the earlier chapters. I wouldn't be here without him :twilightblush:

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 97 )

Don't ever change your writing style. Evar.

5177788

I'm not sure I follow?

5177793 You took too long to get to the story. Background information should be scattered throughout the story more instead of so much being lumped at the beginning. The part about the plastic ring seemed forced, as there are most likely other sources of 'cheap rings', like a pawnshop or secondhand store. I'm also not quite sure what these ponies are supposed to be doing. They're the elite bodyguards of Celestia, like some kind of secret service?

Good start putting you in my follow list

5177793 I believe the kind Hoof of Approval means that you write well and you shouldn't experiment with new styles of writing, unless I miss my guess.

I love these types of comedic intrigue stories, so this was a treat. Only one error jumped out at me.

It’s a little something I thought up of.

One of the last two words is unnecessary. Good job otherwise on grammar and technique. Also, I love this chapter's narrative style; it's personal, straight-up, no filters applied, and almost brusque, but it still manages to feel warm instead of hostile. That's quite the balancing act.

I look forward to seeing where you take this story. :coolphoto:

We did let her know that this was all an act, right?

And that's when the structural integrity of my sides was compromised.

That was awesome. Instant favorite. Great job. I hope future chapters are to follow, with more comedy.

5177793 It means you are GODDAMN AWESOME.

5177953 Thank you very much :pinkiehappy:


5177962 Thank you for your feedback. It's much appreciated. The next chapter will be narrated by Aegis Hammer as well so expect the same type of narrative style. Also, I fixed the error you've brought up. Thanks for that.

5178131 I'm glad I was able to provide a good laugh

5178397
5178905
Thank you very much! I plan to keep the comedy up!

5177904 Yes - they are a type of "secret service" but not the type you'd typically think of in real-world setting. Equestria is filled with magic and pastel-coloured ponies where the most powerful force in the universe is Friendship. The Paragon are supposed to be a set of guards who, in times of crisis, are Celestia's direct shield. Their loyalty is ensured through the strong bonds of friendship between themselves and the Princess. Admittedly, this isn't a normal situation - normally they'd just be the big burly guards keeping an eye out for anything suspicious and fight off anything that would threaten the Princess directly.

Here...the need for subtlety was needed because Celestia was in disguise - problem being is the Paragon don't usually do subtlety.

Also, I'd imagine that pawn shops wouldn't be open at night-time. You know, like it's mentioned in the chapter title? Or several times through the chapter? The 24-hour quick-mark would have to do.

Your suggestions have been noted, though, and I'll keep them in mind with all future chapters. Thanks for your feedback.

A highly entertaining story, with a pratchett-esque element that I found delightful. Well done.

5180024 Actually, if a society has 24-hour convenience stores, it's also very likely that other shops are open 24 hours (like pawn shops and porn shops), as that seems to be one of the conditions of a modern city. After all, people have certain needs no matter what time of the day it might be like selling old stuff when their partner is asleep.

Um somepony forgot to clue her in. That poor mare. Please do not let this die or descend to the void that is half of all fan fiction.

For whatever reason, it's decided to post my Author's Notes twice.

You know, looking at the cover image, there's Guard alicorns. :rainbowlaugh:

Every single Guard in the image has wings. Now I have to wonder how many times the animators did that in the show. :moustache:

Just had to comment on that before reading.

5297079 I realise this, but this was the best place-holder image I could find for now until I can get a proper cover pic in place.

That was awesome. I never thought about Twilight using that spell in Canterlot. Great job. Thanks for the new chapter.

This was a fun read.

This is looking good so far. Do you think you could make a character sheet sometime?

5297144 Thanks! Trust me when I say that we haven't seen the last of little Twilight yet.

5297155 Thanks for the comment! Always much appreciated.

5297192 Thanks for the comment! I plan on doing a character sheet of sorts for each Paragon, I'm just trying to figure out the right format and the best place to post it.

If I remember correctly from last night's read, a few grammatical and stylistic errors, but nothing too major.

Overall, though, I actually enjoyed this quite a bit. Looking forward to updates.

Fillies and gentlecolts, our new princess.

5303214 Thank you for the comment. If you don't mind, could you point out the errors you spotted? Just so that I can fix them. Thanks.


5332994 Thank you for the read and comment. This isn't the last of Little Twily. I have future chapters planned for all the other various stages of Twilight's life (From fillyhood to Alicornhood). Much antics will ensue.

Oh man, I would love to see a chapter where New Guy has to call her sunbutt. Also, I feel bad for Strawberry, she really wanted to get married.

HA! Now THAT was funny! Seriously, my face is still hurting from laughing so hard. You need to do more stories focused on comedy rather than sad stories or tragedy. You've got a real gift for it.

Nice idea with Sunflower being so uptight at the beginning. This was fun to read. Thanks for the update. Good luck with the next chapter.

5396506 I will be touching on this in a later chapter. We haven't seen the last of AppleBerry.

5396907
5397077
Thank you very much for the kind words >_< I never expected this story to do as well as it has.

5396877 Thanks. I think the reason I'm doing much better in this one in comparison to my other stories is because I have to work so much harder before I'm happy with each chapter. A lot of brainstorming and work goes into each chapter.

5397017 Sunflower will remain uptight for a very long time. He still needs to get used to a lot of things. Thanks for your kind words and I hope to make many more enjoyable chapters.

5397333
It's a fun little story you got here. 'Course it'll do well.

5338205
Yeeeeah. I forgot you had asked me to do that. Heh. Thing is, you have a bit much to conveniently point out in a PM or comment—each error racks up time quickly.

Ah, I always look forward to new instalments of this series, terribly enjoyable.

If you wanted a way to slot in Aegis Hammer's name

“L - learn what, [rank] or [Aegis] Hammer?” he stammered out.

is about the best I could come up with.

And if you're ever up for a crossover, I would absolutely love to see your guys meet up with the crew from Heavyhauler75622's Relaxing on a Saturday Night because that would be awesome. The neat and elite meet a group of rank and file roughnecks. Perhaps a good idea on its own anyway.

Either way, look forward to a new chapter whenever it may appear.

Awah, poor Strawberry.

You'd better take responsibility Apple Bake! You have a cute fiance now.

that's weird. I have an OC named Strawberry.:unsuresweetie:

5399808 Thank for your kind words.

Having Sunflower tell her name that far in the story, I feel, is much too late into the actual chapter. I'll keep it the way it is now.

Also - I'm always open to the idea of cross-overs although I generally have a strict set of guidelines and rules whenever it comes to it. One of it being the original author of the work has to agree/come-forward and ask for a crossover xD

5400087 This isn't the last of AppleBerry. We will be seeing more of them in the future : 3

5403269 Is your Strawberry a hyper, ex-wonderbolt and personal guard of Celestia? Who earned her cutiemark by thinking of the military and demolition uses of strawberries?

5403340 No.. he's a red hyperactive unicorn guard who's lost his sanity.:twilightsheepish:

5403350

"Hi Strawberry. I'm Strawberry!"
"Oh, that's neat! I'm also Strawberry!"
"I know, right! How awesome is that?"
"Hey - you want to blow something up?"
"Well, I'm off duty right now. Sure!"

At the time of writing this story has 0 down votes and over 100 up votes. You're doing it right.

5585976 Trust me, it keeps me up at night wondering "Where did I go right?"

Seriously, though. I'm actually very surprised at how well this story is doing, considering my history with my other fanfics :derpytongue2:

5585984 I don't think I've ever seen a story with that good of a like/dislike ratio. Seriously. I actually have added this to my read later just because of it, and haven't removed it based on the description.

So win, win, right?

I can see why this story is so well-liked. The premise is definitely interesting and you have your own plot going own that is not directly affected by the show's canon. I like this.

I'll leave a comment because you asked so nice like. Also here's a like for ya. Can't wait to see how Twilight screws with them.

How would Leaf Brambles react to learning what Shining Armor's mark is (i.e. Twilight's mark with a shield behind). It is basically the same as the emblem of the Paragon Guard, but with Twily instead of Celestia.

You wanted to know why I favorited this story? Because it's hilarious; it tells a side that isn't often told on this site; the name is compelling; and it's hilarious.

Short, but sweet.

It's like reading Calvin and Hobbes, but with sensible highly trained veterans instead of a a six-year-old and a plush tiger.

5586978 She would stare at it extremely hard for about three seconds before frowning at him and saying "Like sister like brother."

She would then declare her disdain for the entire of Twilight's family line (Despite not knowing them on a personal level) before storming off.

Once in her dorm, she would file away an extra few points in Shining's favour in her super-secret file of potential Paragon ponies.

Oh, that ending was glorious. Very well done. The whole of it was well put. Very well done indeed.
And no I am not being sarcastic.

Hi. I actually haven't started to read any of your story as yet, but the lead-in is very interesting for me, as I have a long military background. I also like your idea of switching around the frame of reference in this story. It's an idea I have thought of using in a story I'm trying to outline right now. I'm going reading this soon though. It just sounds so interesting and fun! Did add a like. Looking forward to a good read!

I just read the first chapter......I loved how this all flowed together! Poor Strawberry, though....I guess she really likes Apple! This was really great and I'm looking forward to the other chapters and getting to know these characters. They are so well described and seem to work together in an easy way.

Ha-Ha...the Purple Menace!! I can only imagine how vexed Celestia's guard must have been when Twi was younger. I really enjoyed hearing this from another characters perspective. Great work!
I happen to think that a lot of slice of life stories have a good bit of humor in them, as life overall is a fairly funny affair, one way or another!

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