//------------------------------// // The New Guy (Poker Night) // Story: The Paragon Guard // by Kaptein //------------------------------// Hope Wing was a nice pegasus - he always had a joke to add at the most inappropriate of times and was often able to sneak extra snack-cakes from the kitchen. Captain Stone Craft loved snack-cakes. Too bad about Hope’s last wing injury. There were still a good few years left before retirement for him. We’ll miss the oaf a lot, but like all of us: once a Paragon, always a Paragon. On our off nights we’d still meet for ale and darts. The Paragon always need six on duty at all times. We take shifts during the quieter times and on the rare occasion only three or four will be on active guard, but in times of crisis we’re escalated to the full detail. Twelve Paragon Guards at full might - often our sheer passive authority was enough to deter any potential threats to the Princess. Except, there were now eleven of us. With the tight shifts we ran, even being one short put a strain on the rest of us at times, especially during war-time when all of the Paragons were required to be on duty. So, a bright-eyed pegasus fresh from receiving a Distinguished Sunburst award was chosen. One of the most devoted, loyal and decorated of the Royal Guard:  Sunflower Seeds. His mane was dark like the center of a sunflower (big surprise) and he had a pleasant yellow coat. All of the Solar Guard wore enchanted armour - it magically changed our coat and manes to the same colour. It was ancient magic that I didn’t quite understand, but the tactical advantage was important: as an army that looks the same through and through, it was difficult trying to single one of us out. Sunflower was as loyal and fanatical as they came. All background checks were squeaky clean and he had been slated for promotion to Paragon for a long time. I heard he had practically jumped for joy when he was given the offer; I know I did when I was. The two months of training afterwards however, wasn’t so joyful. I had personally overseen the new guy’s training. I tried everything to break down his will, but not once did he break a sweat. All of us had gone through the same training - grueling, tiring and informative. Each Paragon was expected to know everything from first-aid and combat medicine to advanced defensive tactics and even magic resistance techniques. Sunflower had taken to it like a moth to flame. Which was very sad. I was hoping to get a little more excitement out of him. Oh well, we had our ways to properly ‘break’ them in. The New Guy (as we dubbed him for now, until a more appropriate title came along) remained as rigid as the day he signed up for the guard all those years ago. He saluted the Princess at every turn and never spoke out of line. Around the rest of us, he was a bit better relaxed. A little more open, although not by much. We were all brothers and sisters here - a bond forged by the fires of duty and friendship; even if some of us didn’t fully realise it yet. Every Thursday, the off-duty Paragon have Poker Night. It’s a sacred tradition that often resulted in fun, drunkenness, fun drunkenness, and abject humiliation. We didn’t bet bits. We bet dares, embarrassing life stories, different shifts and sometimes even possessions. Each round was ‘lost’ by the pony who scored the lowest set of cards. Sure, it was unorthodox, but it kept the evening exciting. Sunflower Seeds unsurprisingly always played safe. There was no fun making minor bets like ‘My first kiss’ or ‘that time my parents discovered my clop collection’. We needed the juicy stuff - sheer, soul-cringing humiliation. He’d loosen up soon enough, he just didn’t know it yet.  Six of us sat around a table - I had bet my Thursday morning break and the story of the time the head of the kitchen staff caught me sneaking some snack-cakes out. If I lost this, then sleeping in would be out of the question - and everypony knew how much I loved sleeping in. Plus, there were...consequences to being caught stealing from the Royal Kitchens and I’m sure the crew would’ve loved to hear the torture Rams Head had put me through. Penny Drop, our resident unicorn discretion-specialist had gone all in with offering to share the time she’d lost a bet against Celestia. Sunflower Seeds was fairly reserved, betting his Friday evening break plus the story of when he first asked his crush out. Perfect Measure, a stout earth-pony mare, offered to share a disaster from her stint at a distant brewery, and Swift Bulwark - the only stallion in the unicorn division - had bet his story of meeting his first marefriend. The only pony left who hadn’t cast anything in was Velvet Ward, another stodgy earth-pony mare (All of the Paragon Earth-Grinders were large and well-built. It helped a great deal with their passive authority). Our games of poker could last dozens of rounds and many hours - very often stories would last a fair while, but they were always shared while setting up and playing the next round. The real patience was in trying to think of something worth betting. None of us minded the wait, patience is a virtue after all. Velvet’s face lit up, and she opened her mouth, about to say something, when the door creaked slightly, somepony busy entering. All six of us snapped our heads towards the door, ears perked up and bodies ready to react to any danger, news or orders coming through. A visible sigh of relief was exhaled by the room as a regal, white alicorn entered, a cheerful smile on her face. Sunflower immediately stiffened up in his chair and saluted with a wing. “Evening, Princess.” I tried not to cringe. Sunflower was still too new at his position to realise the Princess really...was one of us. “Oh, there’s no need to be so formal Sunflower,” Celestia said warmly, smiling at him. “We’re all friends here. I had a few things to deal with after the Day Court ended but I decided to pay a visit to all of you.” “Much obliged, Princess,” Swift Bulwark said, raising his mug of beer towards Celestia in a half-hearted salute. Sunflower seemed to squirm at this level of informality in the presence of such a regal and holy being - he had almost thrown a fit when he found out alcohol was involved, considering it was a gross violation of the Royal Guard conduct. I locked eyes with Velvet. We both grinned at the same time - a plan was already brewing. Celestia moved towards the table, and the Paragon shifted to make space for her. “Might I ask if there is room for one more?” I nodded, dealing out another set of cards for the Princess. “Of course, Princess. There’s always room for you. Although, it’s been a good few months since you last joined us.” A sad look came over Celestia’s face as her magic picked up and examined her set of cards. “I regret, royal duties take far too much free time away from me.” I, and a few other Paragon, nodded in sympathy. We quickly shared the stakes, still waiting on Velvet’s turn. I nodded to her, that stupid grin spreading itself on my face again. With a flourish and a mischievous grin that could match the statue of Chaos itself, the earth-pony very proudly declared her bet: “My bet, to whomever loses, is to call Princess Celestia ‘Sunbutt’.” There was a slight coughing and spluttering as Sunflower Seeds tried ever so hard and failed not to spit out his drink (non-alcoholic, of course). Velvet’s eyes darted to the side, measuring his reaction, before she offered the final ultimatum: “To her face.” There was a low ‘Oooh’ from everypony at the table and murmurs were shared amongst all of us. However, it was too much for the poor New Guy. His eyes bugged out as his face visibly paled. He turned to the Princess, wide-eyed and fearful - expecting the divine retribution from the divine representation of the sun. Princess Celestia didn’t say anything for a long while. She simply raised an eyebrow, examining her cards pointedly before neatly laying them down on the table in front of her. She leaned forward ever so slightly, the hint of a smirk touch the corners of her mouth as she spoke. “I see your bet, and I raise the dare that you will have to call me by that name for a whole week.” Sunflower looked like he was trying to shrink back into his seat, seeing how firmly he was pressing himself into it. Hooves shaking he took his set of cards and placed them against the table, before pushing them away with his wings. “I - I f - fold…” he stammered, turning away. We all burst out into laughter, slamming our hooves against the table us our uproar filled the small room. Even Celestia raised a hoof to cover the giggle escaping from her. I wrapped a foreleg around Sunflower’s shoulders, pulling myself closer. He flinched at the touch of me like I were some madpony intent on spreading my insanity. I suppose all of us were madponies - you had to be to stay even remotely sane with our antics. “Oh, Sunflower. You’ll learn in time,” I managed to get in between the fits of laughter. “L - learn what?” he stammered out. “We’re family. One drunken, devoted, delightful family, and there isn’t a thing in the world we wouldn’t do for each other. There’s more to a Paragon than the armour and the duty.” Celestia nodded. “Indeed. I chose these ponies because of the bond of friendship and love they’ve forged over the years.” I poked Sunflower in the chest. “You’ll learn, new guy, you’ll learn…” I shuffled back into my seat, picking up my cards again. With a smile, I put them against the table and pushed them away. “I fold.” The rest quickly followed suit, leaving Princess Celestia as the winner. The incredulous look Sunflower gave all of us only spurred on further fits of laughter. Perfect Measure downed her mug before setting it on the table. “In all of Paragon history, Princess Celestia has never lost a single game of poker. We’d rather just fold now and quit with our tails between our legs before we dig a ditch too deep to climb out of.” Velvet shrugged, pouring another round of drinks, to which Celestia politely declined. “Well - I guess we’d better start with the next round. This night isn’t getting any younger.” Sunflower Seeds visibly slumped in his chair, a defeated sigh escaping from him. He glanced around at the rest of us and I could see his eyes linger a moment longer on Celestia than they did with the rest of us. They held a fascinated, yet weary look behind them as he regarded the six other ponies around him. “Permission to speak freely?” Sunflower asked. I cocked an eyebrow as I hid my surprise behind a freshly topped up mug of brew. The acting officer on duty was Velvet Ward, but she waved nonchalantly towards Princess Celestia. She, too, raised an eyebrow and for a brief moment I had to wonder what was going on behind those regal eyes of hers. What machinations was she up to this time? “You may speak freely, Sunflower,” Celestia said calmly. The pegasus stallion shifted in his seat. He motioned to Velvet to pour him a drink (alcoholic this time) before he took a hard swig of it. “Are you guys always like this?” I snorted into my mug, almost spilling its contents all over the table. A light chuckle was shared around the table as Penny Drop guffawed. “All the damn time, New Guy. Earn your stripes and you’ll fit in nicely.” She smiled, shaking her head. Her speech was cryptic at times and I never understood half of what she said but she had a point; it would only be a matter of time before Sunflower slotted in nicely with the rest of us. A new set of cards was dealt out and the seven of us settled down into our next round of poker. Sunflower had a renewed look of determination, causing me to smirk a little.  It was a good thing these sort of activities were private - nopony would take us seriously if they saw what went on here. Then again, they wouldn’t understand the type of bonding we did; and it looked like the New Guy was finally starting to see the true strength of the Paragon.