• Member Since 14th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Sunday

Azure Sandora


I write sins... NOT tragedies. Link to Patreon

Comments ( 288 )

So.. Magical Girl anime meets the World of Darkness?

4914562 It seems to give off more of a 'Puella Magi Madoka Magica crossover' vibe to me. Great story: initiate favorite.

4914985 Well, Madoka can be accurately summarized as 'Magical Girl meets The World of Darkness', so it ain't that far off.

Well overall it seems interesting, the fight scene in the first chapter seemed a bit off, like it could have been done better but it was still awesome.

I see some similarities with my fic, but they're so minor that I don't care. I love what you've done so far and I'm looking forward to more.

4917439 Fight scenes are something I have trouble with.

This kinda reminds me of a fan comic by Deviant Art user maurzo. The story is humanized and wayyyy different, but the Mane Six are magical girls. It's really cool and you should check it out.

4917818 I think I know about that. If it's the same thing then I'm currently following it. I guess I can see the similarities now, but give it a few chapters... this story is going to be... interesting.

while the younger sister raised the moon at duck

I think that should be dusk.

CCC

Hmmm... I notice a distinct lack of Pinkie so far. I wonder when she'll turn up?

...baseline Pinkie would really alienate this Twilight.

4918888 Pinkie Pie will show up, but I have a plan for that...

Whatever you are thinking, it's not it.

The Madoka ending theme started up in my head as soon as I got to the Nightmare fight, which is a good thing.

It'll be interesting to see where you go with this. I'm surprised you didn't have Sunset as the Alpha Bitch of Twi's class, given that Trixie wasn't canonically an Academy mage: but that's what the Artistic Licence you've got is for.

So, is this deconstructing the world of the show, or just tropes? Also, huzzah for deconstruction fic that isn't a total revenge/hate fic

4930840 It's a deconstruction of both, the world and the tropes of it. And I personally believe that the best kind of deconstruction is one made out of love for the series, rather than hatred for it.

Dum Dum DUUUMMMMM! Great story, by the way!

So... a one sided Spilight future Spilight or a love triangle? And where is Pinkie? Not that I am eager for her appearance just curious.

4937883 Don't worry about Pinkie Pie. I have plans for her.

4938899
I am much more concerned as to how Twilight will react to Rarity getting too cozy with Spike. :ajsmug:

So, is Spike Tuxedo Mask or the talking cat?

Also..

a mare so full of herself Applejack would never know.

Pot meet Kettle.

Another great chapter! I like the parallel with Madoka in this story. I can't wait to see how Twilight will react when she discovers Rarity wants to snatch Spike from her.

Okay, this is a pretty good story so far. Though I hoped that Spike is given some power of something so he can help out more often.

4944102 He's more of the Tuxedo Mask if we're making that comparison.

Not a bad story. I am a bit worry because it remind me a little of Madoka Magica.

4946041 It's slightly based off of Madoka Magica, but only based. The actual story is a completely different monster.

Okay, now I'm worried about precisely what elements of meduka mejuca you're cribbing from.

Twilight, Dash, Pinkie: never trust the kyuubei.

Twilight said looking down, “Think tonight... you could sleep in her with me?”

Ok then.

Poor Twily, I wonder what she's been through. And why Twily has some sort of issues because of Trixie? :rainbowlaugh:. Oh well, it's not as bad compared of losing it out and become a demon alicorn queen of darkness out to destroy the world

4972609 At least it's not THAT bad. Who knows WHAT would happen to Equestria if that happened...

Another great chapter. I just fear for what pinkanema might do with the others. :pinkiecrazy:

Also, I would like to know how powerful Spike would be if all alicorns gave him a bit of magic.

So far, this has been a decent story, but without knowing exactly how and why you're "deconstructing" the larger world, a decent story is really all this is. Some author's notes at the end of the chapters explaining the how and why of it would make this a lot more interesting.

SO this is a different verison of my little pony. Twilight is afraid to have friends beside spike and Celestia. Spike I must order and bigger. And AJ, Rarity, and Fluttershy are alicorn?:pinkiegasp: And Mostly what between Twilight and Trixie?

4975043 I sort of want the deconstructions to not be spelled out though. My original intention was for this story to make readers think about the deconstructions. I'm hitting the end of the first arc, so I might put down a few at the end.

4976190 I can understand that idea. The problem, to be quite blunt, is that there's really nothing about the story in and of itself that separates it from the rest of alternate universe stories that get posted to fimfiction. It blends into the crowd so well that it's tough to see what you're deconstructing, or how you're deconstructing it. This is made worse by the fact that symbolism is an inherently subjective thing, and different people will get different things out of the same scene.

So laying out some of your thought process and/or some of the actual deconstructions you've written into the story could give your readers a place to start, at the very least. There's no need to go into great detail and reveal everything, just give us a starting point.

Hoho! Great chapter. I fear that Twilight will flip once she discovers about Spike and Rarity.

Too awesome ( fanboy for ten minutes or days)

Great chapter. But I feel that the signs that say 'Rainbow's transformation' and 'Flashback' are a bit inmersion breaking.

I think I just found a new favourite story. Great writing and I just love the mature spin on it!

5095906

I agree. The story is great, and it's surprisingly new. But when you do things like that (and adding color to the text) it really kills the story's mood.

4944536

Spike's a dragon, and he's also a Prince unofficially because Celestia is his mother. I'm pretty sure that he has some powers that have to be revealed. We don't want to make him a Gary Stu now don't we??

5101630
5095906

The transformations are there to give a sort of Madoka Magica feel, thus won't be there a lot. Only when the characters have their defining moment. As for the other color moments, I tried to color them in the manner of the character that's having the thought. I'll try to keep it at a minimum.

5104059 The description of the transformation scenes are fine. What makes it awkward to read is when you write "Fluttershy's Transformation" before it happens.

As for the color thing... if you're using it to show someone thinking, why not try italics?

5104059 I'm fine with transformations, and personally, I feel that changing the color of the text is pretty damn cool. It reminds me of when I read The Neverending Story and things that happened in the real world were in red font, while things that happened in Fantasia were in green.

It's just that it feels a bit weird when the text, besides suddenly turning blue, stops the story to tell the reader what should be obvious because of the change in the typography.

4975705 I second all of this

Thar's a shit storm a'brewin, and it's called sparity.

(In the actual story, I'm a sparity lover all the way, but I can just see the conflict waiting ahead)

Do I sense some apple sparkle? In this story?

5199277 Afraid not. It's just deep admiration. Twilight only has eyes for Spike in this story.

Another great chapter. Not sure how Twilight and the others will take to Rarity and Spike getting together, but I can tell that Rarity doesn't have the right mentality or personality for her job in the long run and needs someone like Spike to stand by her side. At least Twi has RD to be there for her when Spike isn't around.

am i the only one hoping for this to turn out as a twidash eventually? i mean, that seems to be how it's all going towards, but i've had it veer of course before.

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