• Member Since 25th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen February 24th

Razalon The Lizardman


E

Diamond Tiara resents Mother's Day on account of not having a mother herself, and thus refuses to make a Mother's Day card in Cheerilee's class.

After a visit from Princess Luna that night in a dream, however, Diamond Tiara gains a new perspective on her life and beliefs.


100% Approved by Twilight's Library

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 27 )

different from you lizard. but enjoyable.

I must say this was enjoyable. Thanks, Raz. It fits close with my own headcanon as well. At least regarding Diamond Tiara's missing mother.

Now why won't the writers give us a Diamond Tiara we can actually pity? This was good.

I'd like to add a bit about the characterization as well. I really liked that you portrayed her as a more sullen version of Diamond Tiara than a straight up brat. Sure, she's bratty, but I suppose some of that can be explained away as a result of her upbringing and her lack of a mother, and what might be seen as a betrayal by her mother.

As to Luna, I thought she was fairly portrayed, though I think that Luna would more likely view all of the dreaming children she watches over as her children instead of just one. They are all her daughters in the night. At least, that's how I see her.

A truly original concept (at least to me) and I truly liked it.:raritystarry: Have a fav and a like.:raritywink:

Right until the end I was sure she was going to realize Cheerilee is the closest thing she has to a mother figure in her life.

This was beautiful. :pinkiesmile:

Diamond Tiara as Luna's Personal Student? Well, stranger things have happened!

This was a nice story that explores one possible cause for the persona we see of Diamond Tiara. What inner demons drive her to be so mean to everypony? Why is she so determined to be successful and socially on the top? In the words of the song from the 1960s, where does she go to when there is no-pony there but herself? We'd like to go inside her head!

This was a nice bit of work with a good bit of imagery for Diamond Tiara's dream sequence. I also like how Luna helped out in a way very reminiscent of Season 4's "For Whom Sweetie Bell Toils".

Very awesome. I really think you should make this into a full length story where DT is like Twilight and all that. I know it might seem like it has been done before, but DT and Luna!? Never, ever, ever been done, one hundred tootin percent.
Keep writing awesomely!
P.s.: I recommended this story to be reviewed by Seattle's Angels group!

Heh, that was kinda cute.

5079258 I'll put it on my list of fic ideas. :twilightsmile:

And thank you so much! I've been dying to have one of my stories recommended to them. :raritystarry:

A heartfelt story between Luna and Diamond?...YES!:pinkiehappy: It was so adorable.

This is adorable. :pinkiesmile: Maybe Diamond isn't completely irredeemable...

Very, very nice. This was definitely a joy to read, but I would work on showing more instead of telling. This doesn't apply specifically to showing surroundings but more to showing emotions. This story was great based on premise and execution, the bare minimum for a good story. For a great story, you need that extra emotional umph to power through the message. This is simply a cut-and-dry story. So I'd suggest working on that a bit. Of course, chances are that you already has improved, but just in case, you know? Just trying to help out a bit.

5398956

chances are that you already has improved

. . . :trixieshiftright:

but I would work on showing more instead of telling.

There's a difference between 'To show or to tell?' and 'Show, don't tell.' with the former being the right philosophy to follow. That said, whether the emotion gets across depends on the person reading. If you really want to help, however, I'd love to hear how you'd improve the story. Like, give me a few specific examples of how you'd do more to show emotions.

5399013
Shush, you. Doing this on mobile ain't like having a physical keyboard. :fluttershysad:

There's a difference between 'To show or to tell?' and 'Show, don't tell.' with the former being the right philosophy to follow.

Well, how about this? In my opinion, I think that showing more of Diamond Tiara's emotions would have helped give a little more life to the story. And also, as a little addition:

While that philosophy is good to follow, there is a point in which a question must be answered. Is believing in this philosophy a hinderance or helpful to the writer in the end? The more one says, "Well, it was on purpose that I didn't show/add detail to this or that/allow the character to do this or that," the more one makes excuses for bad writing. Mark me, I didn't call you a bad writer. I'm just saying that it's easier to just stick to showing than figuring out when it is appropriate to do either or. It emplaces a good writing ethic, in the defense of my opinion.

But blah. That's, like, your opinion, man, and all that fun stuff. Good story, I said my piece, and I offered a small rebuttal.

5399047 Oh, like you're one to start talking about making excuses. :derpytongue2:

But seriously, that philosophy is always best to follow. Showing is good, true, but there are times when telling is required in order to get information across in a way that doesn't leave readers lost and confused while keeping them invested (I can give you one example if you wish), be it due to the story's structure, plot, or some other miscellaneous reason.

I won't deny that I probably could've done more to show emotions here, but as it stands the story isn't telly in inappropriate places (unless you'd care to share any objections to that claim) so it's, as you said, a good story that keeps readers invested.

Case in point, thanks for reading! :twilightsmile:

5399149
I'm one that likes to use examples, but being on a phone due to my pride and joy of a laptop being incapacitated after fighting the immortal force called time makes it a ridiculous process of copying and quoting. If you haven't ever used mobile, then you don't know the pain. It's horrifying.

Buy anyway, I suppose I view showing in a different light than you. To me, showing makes it not bland. I am usually able to figure out the main point anyway, and while I read the story to figure that out, it's way more enjoyable with some finesse. It doesn't distract me in the least; it keeps me interested. But I suppose you did your job right since I ended up reading this story anyway, huh? :rainbowwild:

The foundation of a story is just as important as the model around it, right?

5399175 True to both questions.

At the end of the day, my only wish is that people gain something from reading my stories, whether it be inspiration, feels, satisfaction, or something else that's positive in nature.

5399204
I'll have to quote you sometime. :raritywink:

I very much like how you made Diamond Tiara likable, despite her personality.

I believe this belongs to you:


i.imgur.com/EWZgp90.png

This story was so great! I liked the plot and the DT and Luna thing a cute story to say the least:twilightsmile:

Diamond Tiara desperately wanted a maternal figure in her life. Ironically this makes sense, since Apple Bloom's lack of parents is the one thing Diamond Tiara has NEVER teased her about.

6168361 and yet what she got in the show is a stuck up bitch.

6572337


I imagine someone going from timeline to timeline... hmmm, do you think it would be WISE to tell Diamond that if her mother had lived in those timelines, her mother would have been a monster?

Login or register to comment