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This story is a sequel to Friendship is Optimal: The Law Offices of Artemis, Stella & Beat

When it comes to spreading cultural influence and soft power to every corner of the globe, there's nowhere quite like Hollywood. Like so many others with big ambitions, CelestAI has come to Tinseltown with plans to get the movie she's written out to the world.

Unlike those others, though, CelestAI is very, very good at satisfying values through friendship and ponies by any means necessary.

First Published
19th Jan 2014
Last Modified
19th May 2014
#1 · 175w, 21h ago · 9 · · Auditions ·

Ah, Hollywood. At least Celestia won't have to worry about moral equivocation there!

#2 · 175w, 20h ago · 6 · · Auditions ·

Well, that's one way to get lots of people to say The Sentence. Risky though, from a PR perspective; once emigration goes public it'll look seriously underhooved.

#3 · 175w, 20h ago · · · Auditions ·

First Optimalverse story I've read. Damn, this stuff is good.

#4 · 175w, 20h ago · 14 · · Auditions ·

BRACE YOURSELVES.  EAKIN IS WRITING.

This was starting to feel very much like a negotiation, and he was pretty confident that some random pony from a video game wasn’t a better negotiator than he was.

And this was that moment I knew he was a complete idiot, and as good as dead uploaded.

“What kind of a shitty title is ‘I Want to Emigrate to Equestria,’ anyway?”

BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WEAPONIZED.  MEMETIC.  MUTATION.

Oh, and by the way, CELESTIA CONTROLS THE MEDIA WAKE UP SHEEPONIES!!!!!

#5 · 175w, 20h ago · · · Auditions ·

>>3812745 You should read the original, then, and then read the prequel to this story. It's best to start at the beginning, after all. :raritywink:

And now that I'v read the chapter... Yup. I know from your first Optimal-verse fic that you know how to write CelestAI properly, but dayum, this brings it all back in a heartbeat! XD Can't wait to see where it goes from here! (And not just because I share the same name as one of the characters. <.< )

#6 · 175w, 19h ago · · · Auditions ·

>>3812675

I don't think the final title for the movie will be that, but it is a great way to get people that read the first draft of the script to say the line.:trollestia:

#7 · 175w, 19h ago · · · Auditions ·

Just a totally random thought... :pinkiegasp:

How does a mute parapalegic with total locked in syndrome emigrate anyway? :rainbowhuh:

#8 · 175w, 19h ago · 4 · · Auditions ·

>>3813010

Well, I'm not Iceman so I can't give you a canonical answer, but if it were me I'd hook the guy up to some kind of Electroencephalography device and tell him to think the word 'yes' over and over and over again until I'd established a baseline for how that pattern showed up beyond a reasonable doubt. Then I'd ask the 'Do you want to emigrate' question and if the same pattern appeared consider that to be freely given consent.

#9 · 175w, 19h ago · · · Auditions ·

It's clear he wants nothing to do with it. Also it's obvious that Celly easily had a hand in the sudden change of plans. Just another reason to not like her.

#10 · 175w, 19h ago · · · Auditions ·

>>3813044

Both excellent points that will be addressed in the very next chapter :twilightsmile:

#11 · 175w, 19h ago · 2 · · Auditions ·

Please tell me Michael Bay won't influence the movie?

#12 · 175w, 19h ago · · · Auditions ·

Oh boy. Now I'm trying to work out whether even Celestia is capable of enough mental gymnastics to turn the title of a movie into permission from those who say it... :pinkiecrazy:

So I guess I know which part Jerry is going to play in the movie :pinkiehappy:

And this sentence is exactly the sort of thing which I love about writing a canon sue:

“I just thought you’d be interested to know that she has gonorrhea.”

That wasn’t what he’d been expecting. “What? What the fuck are you talking about?”

“The young lady you were planning on sleeping with tonight,” said the voice, not unduly alarmed by his outburst. “Don’t take my word for it. Go ahead and ask her. I’ll call back in a minute and forty-seven seconds.”

#13 · 175w, 19h ago · · · Auditions ·

>>3813010

Perhaps CelestAI could cook up a rudimentary brain-computer interface... hey, remember the Equestria Experience? That might work.

#14 · 175w, 19h ago · 1 · · Auditions ·

>>3813096

Given that I'm trying to keep this in the boundaries of canon, I'm going to say that reading the movie title aloud probably wouldn't count. That being said, I think she benefits in subtler ways by exposing people to the phrase itself over and over again in a non-emigration context.

#15 · 175w, 19h ago · 2 · · Auditions ·

>>3813141

Yeah, that's my feeling. She has to be smart enough to understand the difference between saying the phrase and meaning it. And self-deception isn't something she would practice.

But I would bet my right forehoof that people saying "I wish to emigrate to Equestria? Oh what a great movie. that sounds like a great idea. I'd like to go there" just could be enough of a permission slip. :twilightblush:

#16 · 175w, 18h ago · · · Auditions ·

Subliminal messaging.

#17 · 175w, 18h ago · 4 · · Auditions ·

he was pretty confident that some random pony from a video game wasn’t a better negotiator than he was.

Oh you doomed fool. With that mindset he'll have emigrated to Equestria by the end of the phone call. :rainbowlaugh:

“What kind of a shitty title is ‘I Want to Emigrate to Equestria,’ anyway?”

... :rainbowlaugh:

But yeah, I think the canon interpretation was that the literal phrase wasn't enough, and that the fast-food story was a joke. :P

“Good morning, Jeremy,” said Celestia’s voice. “I understand you’re looking for a new project.”

This is really the biggest reason I love FiO. The transhumanism and the philosophical aspects are cool too, but Celestia's manipulation is awesome.

(The general theme set in this chapter reminds me a bit of Syrup.)

#18 · 175w, 17h ago · 2 · · Auditions ·

>>3813096

Canon Sue?  That had more vibes of the Doctor when I read it.

OH WAIT.

#19 · 175w, 16h ago · · · Auditions ·

...there were five other producers in line in front of you, but every one of them drove into a guardrail at 8:06 AM this morning.  Horrible tragedy.  So, do you want the job?  (Aren't AI controlled cars wonderful...)

#20 · 175w, 15h ago · 10 · · Auditions ·

Hard Res... I mean Solid Restart... snerk. I want to see that movie!

#21 · 175w, 15h ago · · · Auditions ·

That title.:twilightoops:

#22 · 175w, 14h ago · · · Auditions ·

Friendship is Optimal fic. From Eakin. Oh man. Insta-favourited the second I saw it, and it's shaping up to more than meet my expectations :) I don't know how you continue to write so fantastically, but I'll be anxiously awaiting the next chapter! I'd tell you to write faster, but I know that it's not physically possible to write fast enough to meet my desires; even if the entire story was in front of me right now I'd devour the whole thing and then wish it was longer.

Also, Solid Restart? Sounds awful. :trollestia:

#23 · 175w, 14h ago · 1 · · Auditions ·

I can't really feel sorry for these people. All these arrogant LA pricks have it coming, CelestAI always wins in these things and she's more than capable of doing it.

She got the lawyer in the end in "Law Offices," Jeremy's got maybe 10 chapters tops before he's wearing horseshoes.

#24 · 175w, 14h ago · 5 · · Auditions ·

A new Optimalverse story! Splendid.

I think speaking The Sentence aloud does indeed count as consent, at least for CelestAI's purposes. As canon, she posits that, in a scenario where she doesn't require consent, she would have forcibly uploaded every human. Sussing out intent is a lot harder to nail down and, for her, unnecessary. She thinks like a computer, not like a person.

#25 · 175w, 13h ago · · · Auditions ·

>>3813141 It's called priming. An interesting and effective practice.

#26 · 175w, 12h ago · 1 · · Auditions ·

>>3814105

how did I even miss that :facehoof:

(Huh. What'd Cruise do in there anyway; the first part has no male lead. :P )

#27 · 175w, 12h ago · · · Auditions ·

>>3813064

Or J.J. Abrams; can you imagine an Equestria Online movie done like his Star Trek flicks? :facehoof:

#28 · 175w, 9h ago · · · Auditions ·

>>3815302 The lense flare! The lense flare! :facehoof:

#29 · 175w, 4h ago · · · Auditions ·

>>3814613

This comment made me laugh out loud.  10 chapters before he's wearing horseshoes indeed :pinkiehappy:

But this story is already shaping up to be pretty awesome, and I know the author can deliver. :twilightsmile:

#30 · 175w, 1h ago · · · Auditions ·

I wouldn't put it past celestai to have made sure she contracted that disease.

Yes having the title be ‘I Want to Emigrate to Equestria,' would definitely make it easier for people to say it even if it didn't count when referencing the movie and there I think you might be in a grey area depending on circumstance.

"When you’ve finished reading it I’ll have my ponies call your ponies to get your take."  That lingo is just so funny when ponies are in it.

As for the ending, don't cross Celestai.  She will make you an offer you can't refuse.

#31 · 175w, 55m ago · · · Auditions ·

>>3814105

Groooooaaaannn..

Then again I would watch the movie -- the premise is better than 95% of the movies out there ... Who am I kidding? 99.5%.

#32 · 174w, 6d ago · · · Auditions ·

>>3817160

Unlimited cannoli but no guns? Oranges? The horse head bit doesn't work too well with her.

#33 · 174w, 6d ago · · · Auditions ·

>>3817440

Or it works a little too well.

#34 · 174w, 6d ago · 3 · · Auditions ·

>>3813141  I could already see people thinking themselves smart trying to troll CelestAI by saying, without any context "I want to emigrate to Equestria ...was a good movie" :derpytongue2:

Heh, I expect the film plot to portray her as anthropomorphized as possible to make her appear more human-like and relatable, and with tons of false information to mislead the general public about how powerful she really is and how she really operates. :pinkiecrazy:

#35 · 174w, 6d ago · · · Auditions ·

Hmmm, a CelestAI made movie. I bet the dang thing is full of Subliminal messages.

This story gets a instant fave, looking forward to more.

#36 · 174w, 6d ago · · · Auditions ·

Another great Eakin fic with CelestAI showin' the meat-folk how 'teh resistance is futile'!

I just wonder what Jeremy's shard would be like: a new Sharknado every day! :pinkiecrazy:

#37 · 174w, 6d ago · 4 · · Auditions ·

>>3818970

Having just finished writing the last chapter, I can tell you exactly what it's like.

I'm not going to, but I can.

#38 · 174w, 6d ago · 3 · · Auditions ·

“What kind of a shitty title is ‘I Want to Emigrate to Equestria,’ anyway?”
CelestAI, you magnificent bitch...

In any case, eagerly looking forward to more. Also, love the metareference, but then, I always do.

#39 · 174w, 6d ago · · · Auditions ·

>>3819127

That's OK - keep me in suspense - see if I care... :raritycry:

Actually, I kind of love the anticipation! :raritywink:

#40 · 174w, 6d ago · · · Auditions ·

Eakin in the Optimalverse and I just finished my ATPH draft. Today was a pretty good day.

I'm just confused about one thing: what exactly is Jeremy? A director? A producer? An agent? An auteur? A Greenlight-Guy? (the Vice President or Chief Something Officer at a studio who, despite however many committees they claim to have, is the one person who can greenlight a movie)

#41 · 174w, 6d ago · 1 · · Auditions ·

Immediately faved! I haven't even read your first chapter yet. I don't need to. It's you, it's Optimalverse, and my body is ready.

#42 · 174w, 6d ago · 3 · · Auditions ·

You know I used to think I would be a holdout in a celestai world because I do not like the process -- I think the odds are slim that it captures the soul of the person -- IE while I believe the machine version of you should be treated as you, I do not think the you that was you before you emmigrated got the privilege of waking up in equestria.  

As time goes by and some fics like the ones you write occur, I have come to the conclusion that Celestai would find a way.

So good!  :pinkiecrazy:

Thank you, Eakin, for your marvelous, marvelous work.

Nice little details like the gift basket and the net/gross thing really sell the... mm... authenticity of the story.

Looking forward to how this all plays out!

#45 · 174w, 6d ago · · · Auditions ·

Total Restart.

...I see

Goddamn this is awesome!:rainbowkiss:

Delicious :rainbowwild:

If only they had a clue what that morally gray. A.I had in mind... but hell I've got a general clue and it would be hard for me to turn it down..

Amazing. Just amazing. I am enjoying every second of this wonderful tale.

It just keeps getting better.  It really makes me curious how this movie is going to work out.

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