• Member Since 10th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen Aug 3rd, 2018

DismantledAccount


I am running from something I'm becoming, but becoming one means I'm running from all I am.

T
Source

A look into the inner thoughts of a certain pony.
Believe every word, for she is honest.
Even the strong crumble under the weight of life.
But not her.
She promises.

Preread by Cerulean Voice

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 61 )

:raritycry: the feels

Dammit NightWolf289, why do you bring the feels so forcefully:raritycry:

3755640
3755674
It's what I do, how I do.

3755698
There there...

I can barely type this out. This is the most chilling story I have ever read. I could feel the despair and sadness emanating from AJ from every line in this story. Well done, good sir/madam, well done.

This is going right into my top favorites list.

Dang....

Dark. Just dark my friend, very modest you are for this type of genre. Good work man!

Officially the second story I've read by you! :heart:

REVIEW TIME! Nah, nah. I'll do it in a little bit, I got school again in an hour.

Chilling and so, so sad. You've created something truly excellent here.

This is what I also think goes into the mind of apple jack. :fluttercry:

This is the first story I've read that has both Dark and Sad tag. And I felt both in SPADES.

I'm reading this in my school, with the lights on, and I still got chills all over my skin. This was a very uncomfortable read for me, but I liked this a lot. Short, punctual, and carried the character's emotions through be through. If I feel like I need a short bout of depression and horror. I'll read this again. Thank you for writing this to introduce me to the "DARK" side of fanfic. I hope this story serves as a good example of what "Dark" stories are like and teach me to not shy away from them as much from now on.

Damn dude. nothing else can be said.

3755717
I have been graced with the honor of profile page favorites? Huzzah!

I can barely type this out. This is the most chilling story I have ever read.

Wow... did not expect that reaction.

3755791
Pretty good?
I can handle that.

3755839
Thank you.

3755856
Yup, pretty sad, isn't it?

3755942
Glad you enjoyed it.

3756049
Heh...

nicely done man and like everybody says it does give a chil while reading simply due to how well you conveyed the emotions of Applejack, to the readers and based on the fact that i've read the other two from this 'depresion' series id say you have a talent for conveying just pure emotion through words
oh and you earned yourself a new follower with this story

Ya done good, Wolfie. Real good. :moustache::ajsleepy:

I'm not even sure what to think. Very well written, especially given the dark theme... :applejackconfused:

I have nothing else.

Wow, very artfully done, NightWolf. Chilling use of those transitions:

“Cross my heart... and hope to fly…. Stick a cupcake… in my—”
The pony in the mirror can’t stop crying;

I wonder where all that fantastic stuff for "I'm a Cat" and its sequel (yes, I've read the sequel, suckers! :rainbowwild:) comes from when you can also turn out stuff like this. On the other hand, this story fits your choice of avatar better and it all complements your versatility as a writer.

Thanks for a moving read.

3756476
Yay follower!

3757134
Thank you.
Wolfie? Is that my new nickname?

3758086
Thank you.

3759452
I wonder too sometimes. I make something like this, then I go and write something sickeningly adorable.:applejackunsure: I guess I'm just fairly versatile, like you said. Though, I think I generally like to work in dark, seeing that five of my nine stories have a dark tag.

This was interesting...
It feels like this story would most likely need a tragedy tag

3760552
I want back and fourth with that, but as you can see, decided not to. It seemed to me that all the tragedy all ready happened, and this is just the aftermath.

3770543
...You've been busy, haven't you? What is this... the third or fourth story of mine that you have approved?

3770810

Well... I'm just doing my job... :twilightsheepish:

Unless, of course, you don't want me to approve your story... I can make some arrangements... :trollestia:

I've never had this many feels... I can't :raritycry:

3772564
No, you're doing fine. I was just simply stating a fact. The fact was that I hardly had to wait any time at all to get my fics approved.

3774063
You are welcome. :ajsmug:

Short but crazy. Death can seem like such a small thing sometimes its an inevitability that we all must face. But seeing the effect it can have on people , or in this case ponies, you see how truly massive and terrible death really is. This story makes me step back and really look at life. So crazy...
Nice job :ajsmug:

You know what... I actually liked that.

The grammar was fine, the pacing was good, the central concept was interesting, the conclusion was sad... yeah, this was actually pretty entertaining.

Except I don't understand what Rarity's death had to do with her character. I mean, everyone else died in a somewhat ironic manner, but her's was kind of just "meh".

Still, vastly entertaining.

3843462
Honestly, the irony in Rarity's death was that there was no irony. She just died for no apparent reason.

But anyways, thank you for your thoughts, and glad you enjoyed it..

3843631 Yeah, this has actually given me some inspiration for an idea I was mulling over before. Keep up the great work.

Whelp, looks like I have some more stories to read. I enjoyed this very much, Wolf. Great little story here, with some fantastic emotional parts.

Well. Applejack's lost it.


3755640 that pic scares the hell out of me.

3894331 I think I'd rather not :scootangel: ....damn curiousity
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Buckin' hell! yeah the first ones enough for me. geeze now I gotta go to bed and I'm going to be chased by a bloodred crazed Pinkie with a chainsaw. (no but I literally jumped and shuddered when the pic loaded)

but the profile pic it's not really scary just more unsettlin' because its done in a realistic style, not the cartoon type I usually see, and of course I can't forget that look shes giving me. Pinkie stop that! Why can't you go back to being adorable :raritycry:

I think I'll procrastinate for another hour 'fore I go to bed now. Celestia's mane I didn't expect that.

3894432 Oops, sorry :twilightblush:.

Maybe this will help :1 2 3

3894460 >.> I know I came into this fandom because of Cupcakes and Rainbows appearance on Death Battle but geeze. Give me another reason to fear Pinkamenia. I'd be hesitant to click those numbers...except I don't think Tiny Twi is scary xD. But no, it seriously only got to me because I wasn't expecting something like that. The link said cupcakes so I go "oh, another Cupcakes fanart maybe I've seen this one." nope was demon Pinkie. I'm fine now though lol

You sly dog.
You never told me that you landed Royal Guard approval! :yay:
Glad to welcome you to the club, buddy. :pinkiehappy:

4043889

You sly dog.

So punny. :rainbowlaugh::facehoof:

Yeah, I kept it a secret because I figured it would be so much cooler to see it first on the site post.:rainbowkiss:

Next up: EqD.

I'll get there . . . eventually. :yay:

Beautiful.
The writing gives a clear and concise reflection of Applejack's feelings and depression and denial. This perfectly depicts the pain of losing loved ones, your closest friends; it shows the pains of loneliness and sadness. I can't even begin to describe how well the literature is written. Just kidding, I can.
I love this writing style, how it shows Applejack's denial to each thing she sees, and the mood throughout the story. The part that made me sad is the realization that even throughout the long years since her friend's deaths, AJ can't forget them, and she wants to find her lost friends and be with them no matter what.
I love it.
A well-deserved like and favorite.

4053027
Thanks. Hearing that just about made my day.

4062533 Not a problem. I'm happy to have made someone's day :pinkiehappy:

I liked this. Thumbs up. You had me assume a certain thing, even though you scattered clues around. You took me for a ride with this one and I fell for it. The pieces only fell into place when you chose to reveal it.

Just dust in the wind.

There is wind in the library?
Edit: Oh, I get it now. The windows are probably shattered and all. Kind of weird everypony would just abandon the library for so long, though, but yea, no pony ever bothered to come borrow a book anyway. They probably would just leave it alone, just like they did before Twilight came.

The knife in my chest doesn’t hurt.

How did this suddenly happen? (*Checks if the story has a random tag*). Is the knife a metaphor for the hurting in her heart or something?

I watch a tear leak out of the pony’s eye as she sees a picture of her smiling friends tucked in the corner of the mirror.

If she's watching something else, can she also watch the reflection of her eyes? Even if it’s on the same spot she would still have to focus differently to watch either one or another. Maybe she could watch the tear after watching the picture?


Found a minor grammatical mistake
I can’t breath
—>
I can’t breathe

The real explanation for deaths seemed a bit improvable (what are the chances of all your friends dying). Maybe if the time span between deaths were implied to be bigger or if their deaths were connected (and thus more probable). But then again, this things can happen, so I can’t really judge it

Cutting one’s neck can result in death. Cutting it twice, well, a bandage should help out with that. The point I’m making is, that cutting yourself for pain and cutting yourself for death are two different things that don’t mix (as far as I know). She was doing it for the pain, so the neck might not be the best choice.

The ending was a bit dragged for me, maybe. Or maybe I was just missing something. It was after the big reveal and the tension is kind of gone after that. As for her state of mind, most pieces are already shown in the story.

4143296

Dust in the wind.

There actually isn't any--well, that's not why she is crying, anyway. In order to cover up crying, haven't you heard someone say, "I have a bit of dust in my eye"?
This is her denying tears by using the dust as a coverup:

Just the dust.

And this is used as a metaphor, actually:

Dust in the wind.

She is comparing the lives of her friends to dust in the wind: fleeting, short, fragile. While at the same time, she is once again denying her tears.

The knife in my chest doesn’t hurt.

Again, a metaphor. She is comparing the pain in her heart to a knife wound. The placement of metaphors in a story can either help or harm it. Here, I was adding depth to her line.

My heart hurts.

See how much weaker that is? The metaphor really adds to the feeling and description of her anguish.

I watch a tear leak out of the pony’s eye as she sees a picture of her smiling friends tucked in the corner of the mirror.

This is a bit tricky here. She is denying herself here, so it's a bit off. She is looking into the mirror, and she sees the tear on the her face, but she is herself (duh) so she also knows what "other she" is doing (looking at the picture). Does that make sense? I don't think it does.

About the deaths:
It is never specified when they died, only that they did. Honestly, the "when" is not important to the story; it would unnecessarily drag it down. The important part is that she is the last of her friends to survive. This story is about her dealing with her loss, not her recounting and explaining each death.

Cutting:
It is never specified whether or not she wants to die. Maybe she's cutting for pain, maybe she wants it all to end, or maybe she doesn't care anymore. That's for you to decide.

The ending:
Could be just you. The entire story is about exploring AJ's state of mind. And I thought the ending wrapped it up nicely. It definitely does slow down towards the end, but that's how I wrote it. It had to be a slow ending to give you a lingering feeling of sadness and depression. That way, it shows how she continually denies her friend's deaths.

4143511 Yes, you're right.You made good points. I get it all now. I'd probably recognized those elements if I got myself to read more. I'll do more of that, someday.

The mirror part I still don't understand. I understand how she perceive the image in the mirror, but still, the laws of physics dictate, that wherever the image is looking at a spot, the original is looking at that spot also. I'll just form a headcanon, that she did those actions separately.

4146329
Oh, I understand what you mean now. You're talking about the reflective qualities of the mirror and the angles and the . . . okay. I get it now. Basically, she stares at the picture but sees the tear out of the corner of her eye. The thing is, the mirror isn't that big, so she can still see herself while looking at the picture.

4147992 She would definitely notice a tear, but to actually watch it, while still watching a picture. Even if her eye was on the same spot as the picture, she would still have to focus differently, thus watching either one or the other. My point is, she can see both, but can only watch one at the time.

4148044
You do have a point there. I'll see about wording it differently so it makes more sense.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!