• Member Since 11th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen June 6th

Bad Horse


Beneath the microscope, you contain galaxies.

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The lives of Lori and her friends aren't perfect. Lori and her friends aren't perfect. But with ponies, she can show them all the best in themselves.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 15 )

Interesting origin for the Mane 6.

Lor, that's brutal: Escapism Equestria. Eek.

So beautiful!

Ezn

Hmm. Pretty clever. A cute little read.

Just... Lauren's supposed to be smart, but she had to get out a pen to calculate 20% of a number? That took me out of it a bit.

Definitely nice.

Quite an interesting take on things. Non-canonical in every sense of the word, but quite interesting!

This definitely deserved its spot in Seattle's Angels. Well worth the read. I loved the back-and-forth between the characters.

Nice! I enjoyed this. One nitpick, though

"Only about one-third of the ponies are magical."

Since it was Lauren Faust herself who gave us the idea that all of the races are magical, it's just that unicorns are the only ones with active magic, instead of passive magic.

I love the sad melancholy of this story. They have shitty lives, but at least they all have each other.

You're really hiding this one away. I saw it mentioned in a blog post, and I saw it mentioned on a fanfiction.net profile, but I didn't actually chase it down before.

That's a shame. I love it.

Oh, mind you, it's far from perfect. The character introductions are a jumbled mess. I suspect you had some mental image of the booth in mind, and that your references made sense to you when you wrote them, but as a way to introduce five characters, it felt like a bit of a train wreck. And it definitely could have been more compelling. The character voices weren't nearly as easy to differentiate as I'm used to – though in your defense, the problem of making character voices similar to voices we know but just different enough to not be flat-out echoes, that's not an easy task. Still, Sandy did a very good job being unmemorable and difficult to distinguish. Allie Jean, Rhonda, and Flora all had similar enough vocal tics that I could tell who was saying... probably half to two-thirds of their lines without attributions.

You asked if your writing had improved, and judging from this and a similar story about wasted lives I read recently, I'd have to say it's gotten a lot better. I'm working on a very limited sample. At the moment I haven't read anything I haven't commented on. But these aren't the sorts of problems I'd expect to see.

To be honest, I'm a little puzzled at my reaction to this story. I was definitely enjoying it, faults or no, but I wasn't really connecting with it until Flora finished reading the first story. And then for some reason I went from relatively impassive enjoyment to too-teary-eyed-to-see-straight in about two sentences. Of course, that's when the hint at the whole element of generosity thing kicked in, too. Maybe you were planting more seeds for the elements than I noticed, but I only really picked up on generosity and, in hindsight a little, honesty. I'm hoping I'm correct that you weren't, though, because I've always found that playing the full hand is a lot less interesting than just showing a card or two. That doesn't keep me from playing the full hand most of the time, but I'll admit I don't have as much courage as an author yet as I'd like. You really have to trust your ideas, or not care about appealing to more surface-level readers, to do good work in a medium of whitespace.

In any case, I'm very glad to have found this and I'm definitely tossing it into my favorites, faults or no. I have a spot on my page where I highlight underappreciated stories (things with less than 100 likes). I'm considering tossing this in there, but I'm also strongly considering just leaving it as a favorite, because as much as I enjoyed it, I think it's clearly not your best work. If you have input on that, I'd be happy to listen.

Oh, one more thing. Rhonda the chain-smoker? Virginia slims?

Perfect.

Sweet and sad. Bravo.

Loved it! I agree with Bradel that it's not your best work, but it's an interesting idea and well executed.

Also, is the title a reference to Gun, with Occasional Music?

5896190

Also, is the title a reference to Gun, with Occasional Music?

That's what I was thinking of, but it's not a reference that's supposed to mean anything. I just liked the sound of it. If you "got" it, it's too intrusive. :twilightblush: "Friends, with occasional magic" is my idea of the real-world version of "Friendship is magic".

I believe this is one of your better pieces.

John Steinbeck, in Travels with Charley, said something along the lines of "When I try to write Literature-with-a-capital-L, the result never pleases me. But when I ramble along at my own pace, going where I please, I'm always happy with how it all turns out."

I think something like that is at work here.

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