• Member Since 11th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen 14 minutes ago

Bad Horse


A failure doesn't make you a failure.

E
Source

Celestia is thousands of years old, and has experienced almost everything the world has to offer. But there's one ordinary thing she's never experienced, and she's determined to ask Twilight about it.

Spanish translation by F3n1x here.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 144 )

Well, it worked. Damned if I know how, but it worked.

Great short story... I am surprised I have never thought of the fact that Celestia can never see the sun rise, as I tend to think about things like that. It made the ending very effective, though. A simple question that had great buildup and great meaning. Only problem I can see is that some readers may not like how much it hints towards Twilestia (several little things reaffirm the suspicion in the readers mind); I don't have a problem with it, though.

I wish you could have a story with no tags, as the lack of romance tag when reading makes the reader slightly confused as to why there seems to be many hints at shipping (I'm complaining about the genre tag system, not the story).

Anyways, fantastic little story; it is now in my top favorites of stories about Twilight's and Celestia's relationship (whether platonic or not).

Trying to write a description of someone waking up to a sunrise can be boring because it’s short, boring because it’s long, ir sappy and sentimental.

I think this story shows that I have no idea what I want to see in a slice-of-life story. It's short and it's sweet and I understand what you're trying to do, but it's not something I could call a favorite. I don't believe that's an issue in the story; it just leaves me mostly unaffected.

Nice tale! And, before I read it, I had never really considered that Celestia wouldn't ever get to be woken by the sunrise!

Bad Horse, I am very sorry, but I can tell you wrote the song. It disturbed me.

Prak #6 · Apr 9th, 2014 · · 1 ·

This just didn't work for me. I can understand the original idea being too short and needing expansion, but this story felt really forced, like half of it was just filler to reach the necessary word count.

Also, the prose started out really purple, which I'm not necessarily opposed to, but the shift in style once the characters started talking was jarring to me. On top of that, the dialogue about Celestia's singing had no payoff, so it was just filler as well.

The idea at its core is sound, but it just didn't come together in a form that resonated with me. I won't downvote it since I reserve that for stories that are painful to read, but I can't give it the green thumb either.

This was really nice and sweet

Well. That was uncharacteristically adorable of you, BH. Good job. :scootangel:

4206156 Disturbed you because it was disturbing, or because it was just bad?

4206221 Yeah, the shift in style... you're right.

4206362

The overly abbreviated answer amused me more than it should. Here is the longer analysis of why it bothered me:
Nightmares
Hurricanes
Blood
In this collection, I don't want to know what role the bugler plays.

I'm three things, if forced to choose what particularly moves me in a story, and they're simple in essence: I am a slice-of-life fanatic, a bonafide Celestia/Luna supporter, and um... I love Appledash - that's not actually applicable here, but it nevertheless completes my selfish tend, so there. Get over it.

This portion of Celestia's duty does leave her with no actual idea of how daybreak affects her beloved waking subjects, really. Her role simply doesn't allow for it, her back turned and eyes closed throughout. Mind, it's discussed as a niggling curiosity near the end, opposed to some deep-rooted angst that's concerned her for aeons, and ends succinctly. Perfect! Having said that, I recall a Monty Python skit with a similar ending, so I snickered a bit come the abrupt end.

It's a lovely act, thank you for sharing with us. The soft colours playing as the dawn crept on high, creating a solar painting of vibrant hues amidst a dying starlight sky. Brilliant. I saw every facet for your painterly prose.

I personally had Celestia's song, sung in proper voice, play gently in my mind as I read her lyrics. Very beautiful.

I give it my thumb and a gold star for an entertaining read. Even if they didn't make out.

:pinkiehappy:

This was a very nice idea for a vignette, and the only reason I wasn't convinced before the ending that it was going to be a Twilestia fic was the lack of a romance tag.

It is a sweet idea and a very nice one, and I can see why Celestia would be embarassed about it.

I am also amused by films using sunsets instead of sunrises, something I didn't know.

Everyone keeps saying it was sweet, but I found it rather melancholy. She can ask all she wants and gain academic understanding, but Celestia can never truly know.

It does hang together well, and all the myriad tiny points requiring extended research for a throwaway mention were much appreciated.

The final line did, perhaps, put me more in mind of Monty Python's "Nudge Nudge Wink Wink" sketch than intended, but that may just be my own background.

I had to re-read the last few lines and finally it dawned on me. I felt a little sad for Celestia just there :applecry: it may have taken days to write this scene, but boy what a scene it is!

Thumbs up for a lovely little slice of life, and for you once more giving us something besides doom and gloom and angst. Honestly I thought you'd given up on anything lacking sad/dark/tragedy tags. Oh, for a few more chapters of Sisters...

Loved the bit about why rulers must never sing. That's exactly the sort of aphoristic teaching I imagine Celestia will concentrate on for Twilight's eventual ascension to the throne.

Pardon me while I imagine the unwritten Twilestia epilogue which I'm certain you meant to include. Wait - you did mention you wrote a clopfic afterwards...

Question: if Celestia wanted to experience being awoken by the dawn, why didn't she ask Luna to raise the sun for her? If Celestia can handle moon and stars for a thousand years, Luna should be able to handle a single sunrise.

Twilight, there are morning ponies, and there are evening ponies, and I’ve known for a long time which kind you are. It’s in your name, for goodness sake.

"Twilight" is actually both times (morning and evening).

I love it.

I absolutely utterly adore it. It's sad, in a way, yes, but it is not bleak. It is quite the opposite. I not only like it I am also immensely cheered by it. Suddenly life seems a little bit brighter, a little bit more valuable, a little more worth living.

My hat is off to you, sir.

And I actually really like the way it isn't Twilestia. Sudden romance would cheapen it. What it is instead is a powerful friendship moment. It shows, I think, a profound sort of trust in Twilight. Celestia trusts her to see her wanting, imperfect and she trusts her to answer such an important question. Magnificent.

Thank you, BH. :twilightsmile:

A meticulously crafted work, and a heartwarming one at that. Thank you for it, Bad Horse.

And I take back what I said about the cover picture. It works quite well when scaled to cover image size.

So Celestia wishes to know what it feels like to wake up to a sunrise. Pretty much like waking up at any other tme of day, really. Just a different light level. *Emotions are everrated. Pragmatism wins at life!*

I will totally sing when I rule the world... *has PLANS...* :trixieshiftright:

Aw, that was a really heartwarming story:twilightsmile: Well done!

4206756 She can't know what it's like to die either.

What's worse, she can't even ask anypony who's died what it's like!

Sooooo... dark fic now of Celestia dying to find out what dying feels like? :derpytongue2:

This was worth every bit of time you put into it. It came out beautifully. Congrats on the feature, you certainly earned it.

4207399 I remember reading a comedy fic of exactly that premise. She found out that the afterlife was pretty dull, actually...

Just the right touch, like a fine wine appreciated in the hours when life has paused for an infinite timeless moment, and you know it will all end at the bottom of the glass, allowing the world to flood back in.

A few quick notes:
As a huge Twilestia fan, I am way more pleased with this ending than any sort of shipping. The core aim of any romance, for me, is emotional intimacy. If that intimacy arises naturally, then the romantic elements are unnecessary.

I felt that the description was initially off-putting, as it avoided character names initially, and was more purely physical than most of what one reads on this site. By the end, though, it was clear why the description was written that way, and in a shorter piece like this, I think a break from formula is justified by the immediacy of the payoff.

I wonder, however, why Celestia cannot ask Luna to raise the sun in her stead. This seems odd, since Celestia was able to assume control of the moon in Luna's absence. Some obvious reasons come to mind: lingering mistrust, a fundamental power imbalance between the sisters, or the comparative importance of the sun's movement as opposed to the moon's. Altogether, it seems plausible that this would not be an option, I just wish my justifications didn't rely on my own conjecture.

hi hi

I'll admit that it was kinda awkward up until Twilight actually woke up, but the end was indeed nice. :twilightsmile:

That was sweet.

Taking DAYS to write something beautiful and poetic like this? Now THAT'S good dedication, I reward you with a thumb and a star. Very odd gifts if you ask me :P

"Luna, (or a bunch of random unicorns) can you raise the sun for me? I wish to see the sunrise for the first time."

"Of course, sister (or a bunch of "Your Highness!")."

Boom goes the dynamite, problem solved. :moustache:

4207574 The only show on the Afterlife Network is endless reruns of "The Mary Tyler Moore Show".

:fluttershbad:

This being a Bad Horse story, I kept waiting for tragedy to strike. Towards the end the suspense was almost unbearable.

And then to find that the ending was actually poignant, low - key and sweet--what a diabolical twist, sir! Absolutely diabolical!

4206398

I see it as dreams, calm in the storm, blood/life, and the dawn. Still not sure how they all connect, but at least for the bugle I can see the connection clearly to the dawn.

You need to cut the purple by 75 percent.

As for the use of second person, we need to take those two instances and place them for C in my patented POV equation: 6t = cos[(42x^2)(c)]. The answer is the second derivative of the equation thereof (solve for X).

And finally, the dialogue vs. description debate is answered in the Book of Mark.

Glad to help :twilightsmile:

What was the question?

EDIT: I went back and read the author's note. I get it.

Seriously, all that effort put in pays off in spades here. The Twilestia tones, the perfect derailment, all of it.

I never acutaly thought about that. Good to know someone did.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.

Too purple?
This is a story that would never have worked if it wasn't. The story, Celestia's desire to know what it is like to wake with the sun, in order to understand this, you have to first see the sunrise. Had you just wrote, "The sun rose and it was pretty." this would have fallen pretty flat. :raritywink:

As an aside, your description of a sunrise was gorgeous. :twilightsmile:

4209280
Grr, I should've read the story before reading the comments!

Yes this works and yup it works extremely well. If there is anything wrong with the execution, it's small enough for me not to be able to pin down.
Not entirely convinced about the effectiveness of your song's first verse....but the second? There's something mighty powerful in there. Top marks for that.

Oh...and uhh....thank Christ there's no Twilestia. Putting that junk in would've been cray-cray.

His name is bad horse
The thorough bred of sin
He got the application that you just sent in
It needs evaluation
So let the games begin
A haneis crime
A show of force
A murder would be nice of course
Sent by bad horse

I get it! Since Celestia always wakes up before the sunrise beacause she controls the sun, she is never woken up by the sunrise!:twistnerd::twilightsmile:
Wait. That's what you mean, right?:rainbowderp:

The sweetness and light, it BURNED. I had to read a clopfic afterwards just to feel dirty again.

I like the cut of your jib.

Fun little story. I never really did like sun rises myself though. I've always been an evening person but I can understand why Celestia would want to know what something she had a hoof in was like.

Well written. I however couldn't help thinking, "Couldn't she just have Luna raise the sun while she slept in a little longer?"

Oh... oh, my. That's so poetic, and so in-depth, and so true...

Very well written, Bad Horse. You've got one heck of a muse when it comes to this sort of thing. :twilightsmile:

I almost thought she was asking what it's like to be asleep.

That was one of the most beautifully written scenes I have ever read. I saw it all in my head, from the rising of the sun to the few on the grass and to the little lines and sections of each blade of grass and the fur on the princess's face.
Bravo, good sir.

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