Peachy
Twilight Sparkle Eats a Peach
Admiral Biscuit
It was nearly noon on an average day in Ponyville—not a Tuesday, thank Celestia. Twilight was sitting in the main room of the library, studying a book on Griffon mythology which had arrived with the morning’s mail.
While the general themes of the myths were similar to pony myths, the Griffons tended to have a more . . . bloody storytelling style. It certainly wasn’t a book which was suitable for foals, and she resolved to put it in the adult section, regardless of its intended audience. She could only imagine the Cutie Mark Crusaders trying to re-enact one of the stories presented in the book.
“Hey, Twi?”
“What is it, Spike?”
“We’re out of food for lunch.”
“Huh?” Twilight looked up from her book. “How are we out of food?”
“Well, the cupboards are empty.”
“I just—” Twilight looked over at her calendar guiltily. She’d meant to go shopping yesterday. But then there had been an . . . incident with centipedes, and after cleaning the lab, she’d not had time. She’d planned to go earlier in the day, but Rarity had had one of her ‘emergencies,’ and then the book had come. . . . “I suppose it would be a good thing for my Number One assistant to go shopping all by himself, if he wanted to.”
“You’d trust me to do that?” Twilight could hear the grin plastered across Spike’s face. “I—of course! I’d love to go shopping.”
“My coin purse is on my nightstand,” she said, turning her attention back to her book. “Don’t go overboard.”
“No, ma’am!” She heard Spike scamper up the stairs, rush back down, and bolt out the door.
~ ~ ~
Within ten seconds, Twilight was lost in her book again. When the library door banged open, she jerked her head up in surprise.
“I got food!” Spike declared proudly. He was balancing a sack in each arm, waddling awkwardly under the weight. “I got great deals at the market, too. Everypony was so nice.”
“How much did you spend?” Great deals was not Twilight’s experience. Most salesponies loved to haggle, setting their prices absurdly high and waiting for the customer to make an obscenely low counteroffer. How would Spike have dealt with that? Did he just pay the full price without question, or was he a drake of hidden talents?
“Only about twenty bits,” he said proudly, setting the bags down with a loud thunk.
That’s ten bits per bag . . . too low. Maybe he didn’t get fresh produce; maybe they foisted the spoiled stuff on him. Worried, she snapped the book shut and trotted into the kitchen to see what he’d gotten.
As he began sorting out the contents on the counter, her bafflement increased. It was all good-quality, just the kind of thing she would have picked for herself . . . there was a bundle of fresh timothy, a small bag of oats, two loaves of bread, a bunch of carrots, cucumbers, apples, and—
“What’s this?” Twilight held the unfamiliar fruit up in her aura.
“That?” Spike glanced over at her. “I got it from Peachy Keen. I asked her the same thing. Never seen one before--never ate one before. She gave it to me for free, so I could try it.” He put a bundle of asparagus into the icebox. “In fact, I got a lot of this for free.”
“Spike! You didn’t . . . steal it, did you?”
“What? No way. I just asked real nice.” Twilight glared at him. “Well, I might have . . . kinda suggested that you didn’t feed me much.”
“WHAT?”
“Ok, at all. I might have said, just once or twice, that you never fed me and I had to subsist off scraps that I found on the floor.”
Twilight narrowed her eyes. “I should just send you to your room without dinner, mister.”
Spike paled. “I won’t do it again, I promise. I . . . I just got confused, with all the haggling. Yeah, confused. You can’t blame me; Berry said that her wine was the nectar of Bacchus. I don’t even know who that is, but it isn’t Bacchus’—she makes it herself. I helped her stamp the grapes one time, remember?”
“And you got purple footprints all over the library.” Twilight smiled. “I remember.” She ran a hoof across his scales. “You did well, Spike. Thank you.”
He blushed. “What do you want for lunch?”
“Make whatever you want,” she said generously. “I’ll even treat you to dessert at Sugarcube Corner.”
~ ~ ~
The day ended, as days do. Spike went to bed shortly after sunset, after asking Twilight one last time if there was anything more she needed. She just shook her head—she still had her Griffon mythology book to finish.
It would be nice to have a cup of tea, she thought, carefully marking her place. She stood, her joints cracking, and walked into the kitchen.
As she was filling the teapot, her eyes happened to wander over to the fruit bowl. Arranged on top of the apples was the peach.
She set the pot on the stove and tapped her hoof impatiently. It took forever for water to boil, especially when she was in a hurry. She was briefly diverted as she sorted through her collection of Teas from Foreign Lands, but quickly settled on a nice dark Edinburro blend. And the water still hadn’t boiled.
Her eyes drifted back towards the peach. Its golden skin called to her, promised her wondrous things.
She lifted it in her aura and brought it close to her face, turning it this way and that. It had a strange furry coat . . . fruit shouldn’t have fur. Otherwise, it looked edible.
Twilight examined it for a few more moments before finally moving it to her mouth, where she took a small, tentative bite . . . .
~ ~ ~
The knocking at the door was loud enough to wake the dead. Peachy Keen rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and glanced over at the cuckoo clock on the wall. Two a.m.? Who in Celestia’s name would be knocking at this hour?
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YES! And just to be that one guy... First!
That honestly took longer than I expected.
Oh My God you cheeky bastard you! Now Obs will have to LINK this in his post! HAHA!
Even scarier is that it kinda works! we don't see peaches mentioned alot in the show! Well, have my exhausted mind's like and may Obs see what he has caused!
I'd high five you if i wasn't separated by digital screens.
I literally just got done reading Tagged Story Abuse and I saw this story. That is hilarious.
Edit: That was a funny story. I'll fav it but Celestia help you if you abuse my trust.
3644762
Seconded.
And I prefer nectarines myself.
Beat me to it.
5 Moustaches
Thumbs up and favorite!
May God have mercy on your soul.
3644809
I'm pretty sure this is going to be a thing until at least mid-2014
Enjoy your stay in Peachland!
Peaches are awesome, but I think this needs a bonus chapter where Rainbow Dash is forced to by a pear instead of a peach because of Twilight's binge-purchase and subsequent consumption of all the peaches in Ponyville.
3644824
Ain't nopony in Ponyville stupid enough to go buyin' no pears. Not if they know what's good for them.
3644829 Oh? Why?
Did you really just write this? Really???
3644837
lowbird.com/data/images/2012/05/amazonaws-315fbc1e6c4384a700de56fd6b99c7a8.png
3644846
[youtube=jmNU8blUwms]
3644839
To be fair, Obs had it coming. Create fake story title, check! integrate stupid fake story title into site blog, check! Watch as fanbase scrambles to create said story, check! Now we wait.
I'm glad the new stories list wasn't flooded with "Twilight Eats Peaches" stories though.
3644856
I guarantee you that by midnight tomorrow, there will be at least two in the feature box
3644874
ALAS! I read diligently, in the hopes that these see BOX STATUS!
Warning, the Peach-Pocalypse approaches..
Gotta love that this was inspired by a blog post scolding people for abusing the story tagging system... but great nonetheless.
When I read the blog post and saw this first in the "New Stories" box, this was my reaction...
3644829>>3644824 I've never gotten the opportunity to eat a pear.....which baffles me, since I have, in my yard, a large pear tree that refuses to bear fruit, and has not not bore fruit for as long as I've lived in this house.
Looks like Twilight is going to have to move to the country, cause she's going to eat a lot of peaches.
Reading this, I imagine Nick Cage saying "I could eat a peach for hours..."
Otherwise good read xD especially considering.
Is this featured yet?
3644946
I get that reference.
3644809
His soul? It's your fault this is even a thing!
3644915
That is singularly unfortunate.
I like pears.
Where's the blog post, now?
So this is a thing now?
...I'm okay with this.
3644846
I find that ironic considering I have two apple trees and a pear tree in the middle. Even better how one of the apple trees is about 5 times the size of the other one, and grows macintosh apples. Meanwhile, the other makes a mess in the yard with all of the petals. And the best part, is that none of the animals eat fruit from the pear tree, only the apples.
You win the nightly internet.
I bow before your greatness.
Edit: Welp, there's the feature box's first hit. How many will follow?
- "Hey Twilight, you can't eat all these f-ing peaches!"
- "F- you I can't eat all these peaches!"
I just fucking love this fandom.
Also, congratulations on the almost instantaneous feature!
The Peachpocalypse is upon us all!
Bow before your fuzzy overlords!
Poor girl could eat peaches for hours...
3645247
could that possibly be a dead rising 3 reference?
Imagine the fat chick as Twilight and the food as peaches.
3645403
"Yo Applejack... Ya'll right?"
3645403 That video
3645403
PONY.MOV, of course
364561
Juuuust got it. Looks like hard times ahead for Peachy!
3644784
No reason to stop . . . there's a Twilight Sparkle eats Peaches group now.
3645122
Yes, if mature is turned off.
3644839
All that time playing with Peregrine Caged's Fic-A-Day prompts paid off
3644809
You had to have been expecting this. I think it was a ploy to get stories about Twilight eating peaches. Well, it worked. There's even a group now.
I'm waiting for the fanart to flood in. Those poor bastards over at EqD are going to be wondering where all the Twilight + Peach images suddenly came from.
3644809
THERE ARE NO GODS IN PEACHLAND.
I could eat a peach for hours...
[youtube=uV14jq2n-jg]
I think I need to fave this out of sheer principle.
3644809
It's not like this didn't have a precedent. Or have we already forgotten about the Interior Design Alicorn?
3644809
You insane bastard.
What have you unleashed??
~Skeeter The Lurker
Well played, sir. Well played.
(I... what?)
(I don't even...)
(...ugh. They don't pay me enough for this.)
(I, for one, welcome our new peachy overlordth.)
(...you're weird, Twist.)
And Twilight eating peaches soon becomes the new Twicane and that stupid Rainbowsmirk.
As soon as I saw that blog post, I knew that this would happen (I'm sure, many did).
For a story, inspired by a post about story tag abuse, that was actually pretty nice and amusing. Ends a bit suddenly, though. I kinda crave a sequel. Also, I kinda want to know what the deal was with the centipedes, so I also kinda crave a prequel.
Also, Twilight having a peach addiction is my headcanon now.