- Member Since 7th Feb, 2012
- offline last seen 5 hours ago
Seven Fates
That girl that writes things you may or may not read. TG stuff, probably. Avatar of my batpony Evening Script by baladeAdvent.
Seven Fates
Joined 7th Feb, 2012 ·
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This is going to be hot, I can already tell...
I see Christmas has come early for me...
3525832 3525848 Well, I hope you enjoy my newest dip into the pool of insanity that is my mind.
I just hope people read through the entire story to the author's notes in the epilogue before going "OMG DIS GUY MAKIN FUN OF RAPE! DOWNVOTEDOWNVOTEDOWNVOTE!" I mean, I know people are going to skip reading and auto-downvote on principle upon seeing the rape tag, because rape is a serious and sensitive topic, but it'd be nice if people didn't automatically assume that a fic that contains rape is going to be all "HURR HURR RAEP! I'M SO EDGY."
That's just me ranting though.
3525890 Yeah, well you'll always get those people... no matter how pathetic they are, I just think they should explain why they downvoted, rather than some "ermahgersh rape i must downvote... whoever wrote this must support raep!!11!1"
Well anyways, I need to get back to reading, things are getting hawt.
3525848
Indeed it has!
Without a doubt one of the more disturbing rape fics on the site. Not for what's happening so much as that it just feels so—organic. Well thought out. Working.
Upvote.
Well, this doesn't sound like my kind of fic. But you know what? That's fine. I'm not going to leave a negative comment out of spite for the story's content. I'm not going to give it a downvote either (but no upvote at the same time) for no reason. I'm leaving this comment here because I feel like someone should leave a comment like this occasionally.
3525957 Nice profile pic.
3525967 3525969 Two of the best comments I've seen in ages. Especially you, blazikenking. That's a degree of maturity I wish more of the site expressed.
This is actually not bad. This and Breaking Rarity are both excellent rape-fics and I do approve of your writing style. Instant upvote and fave.
3526000 Sorry, but spoiler! ;) Gotta delete this.
3526007 You should just warn of spoilers in description
Ah well, anyways, worth the upvote and fave 
3525890
Dude, this is perfect. It was so deliciously fucked up~! I actually cringed at the drain cleaner part! I especially liked how you still narrated Blueblood's thoughts while he was under mind control. And, of course, my absolute favorite part is the ending; everyone loses~
3526026 I might have left it up if it was a bit more vague, like if you said 'it had the same outcome for a certain character as it did in an instance of one of my stories', but you basically stated exactly what happens in the end. Kinda not cool.
Pointing out certain things vaguely like 3526027 did is perfectly fine 'cause none of the plot points are spoiled. 
3525969
Why, thank you!
Added to read later. I love your stuff Seven Fates
Just not in the mood to read anything dark right now 
This does look like a rather interesting premise though. I don't really see a lot of people exploring blueblood as a character ever. So it will be interesting to see what you do here.
It's a shame when people down vote before reading.
Read before you rate people! 
This was brilliant, in a horrible, horrible way.
3526069 It's funny that you should mention that image, as I'd actually considered using that in the while in the initial stages for writing, but that image is explicit and NSFW; even cropped it's still apparent what is going on. That being said, I'd like to point out that you are not actually allowed to link or embed NSFW imagery anywhere on fimfiction at the present time [FAQ > Comment Rules]. For the sake of preventing trouble, your comment has been removed. Sorry.
3526092 Eh, it was either I delete it, or someone else sees it and reports either the story or the post to the mods. Either way, someone loses.
... I'm going to have to read this, aren't I?
Luna dammit.
3526140 I would never force someone to read something they are uncomfortable with.
If any of the subject matter makes you uncomfortable, please do not make yourself read it. I completely understand if people avoid their turnoffs as long as they are civil about it.
3526169 I don't mind stories that go dark (I can even enjoy them immensely) as long as the author knows how dark things have gotten and writes appropriately. I just hate stories that present evil actions as justified, or have character easily "recovering" from mental trauma that would completely break them.
I have "120 Days of Blueblood" in my favourites. That should tell you something.
Mostly, I was just complaining about the fact that I have way too many stories to read anyway, and I have no excuse to pass this one up. It was a compliment, even if it didn't come across that way.
*looks around*
Looks like I join the part just on time
...this is what you call a "happy" ending?....
make sure i never find out what your sad endings are like.....
THis was so sexy. Rule 63, ravishment, mind control, and holy mother of me was that story dark! I love dark! Almost as much as I love extra-dark!
3525973 That's a level of maturity I wish more people in general possessed. I think that the polite ones simply glaze over those that they don't like the description of. In a sense, they're being polite right there. After all, if they decided to type a comment like I did on everything they didn't like, that would take up lots of time that could be used for reading and pointing out to some authors how to improve their work or edits that need to be made.
What if I told you that my comment was also just a ruse to get you to reply to a comment of mine?
How should I put this?
Let's list it.
Sexy, well written, and it doesn't have a stupid 'happy fun time' ending.
Good job.
Too much violence, not enough sex. The MC in particular was poorly paced and glossed over.
Despite the violence being one of your main selling points, you gloss over that too; the scenes with the ears and the hair receive almost no description when they happen, and the after-effects are completely ignored.
The money shot was placed in a strange spot, and the buildup gets interrupted a lot
I also saw several tense shifts and fake/misused vocabulary; 'crotchular' in particular in not a word (though it does sound hilariously silly). Your sentence construction also needs some work; most of the time it was functional, but there was some really poorly placed descriptions (how many times do you you need to describe Blueblood's coat color?).
I was able to fap to it, but it didn't feel like the story planned it and it definitely was not terribly satisfying. Looks like it only got featured because of follower count. Definite downvote from me.
3529443 As I covered in my previous comment, the pacing and description were too bland to make it an interesting psychological torture story, and the circumstances were so forced that any drama was killed before it began. The fetish content has the same problems.
Whether you want to treat it as a clopfic or a horror story, it failed either way.
3529189 I'll definitely concede on the whole crotchular point. For some reason, the term pubic escaped me at the time of writing and editing, and it somehow escaped ReFro, Kaidan, and myself. That point has been remedied.
Your comment about tense shifts has me a bit curious. I've always prided myself on my sentence structure, and am always disappointed with myself when I overlook such things. Whereabouts did we miss these things in editing, if I might ask? I would love to go back through and fix those.
I found myself rather confused in regards to your "How many times do you need to describe Blueblood's coat color?" comment. In the main part of the story, I only described it twice. Once is hardly one time too many when describing a character with only two appearances throughout the first three seasons, especially given that the second one is as a background pony. The second occurrence was intended to reaffirm the contrast between her vinyl bodysuit and her coat, and how her blush ties in. Unnecessary? Perhaps.
On the topic of the ear cutting, it was less about the act and more about starting Blueblood's panicking. As far as it being ignored and having no aftereffects, need I remind you that his panicked crying over his disfigurement led directly to Rarity to losing his temper and inflicting mind control, leading to further mental anguish for the captive pony. I'll admit that I should have mentioned the lack of mane during the rape itself, and the correlation between the lack of mane and having to use the ear for extra leverage. That's again an easy fix.
"I was able to fap to it, but it didn't feel like the story planned it and it definitely was not terribly satisfying," is another comment that left me wondering. The story didn't plan what, exactly? Did you mean to say that the story didn't seem planned out, or that the story didn't focus entirely on being masturbated to? I don't want to go into ad hominem regarding sentence structure here, but the wording there is definitely a bit confusing. I'll be the first to admit that this story isn't completely about the clop or the horror. Rape isn't exactly supposed to be satisfying. As I mentioned in the Author's Note, rape is a horrible thing. Revenge is a horrible thing. Both have life-altering outcomes, and that what this was ultimately about: Rarity's obsession.
Finally, I find it humorous that you describe this as 'too violent'. I checked with one of the editors on this story, just to see how this stacked up to previous stories he's gone over, and he said it was rather tame. He later admitted that he's read some 'messed up shit'. That being said, I personally felt this was rather tame as well. The three most violent things in the story are the ear cutting, Blueblood being literally walked all over and having his mane pulled out, and the actual rape are the most violent this story was. When I see 'too violent' describing a story, I expect to see a lot more gore and violence than some ear-slicing, mane tearing, and rape; at the very least I hope to see somebody getting sexually penetrated in a stab wound, or someone using a fresh corpse's entrails as a masturbatory aid. For that matter, how could it be too violent if, as you point out, the violence is glossed over.
3529636 The coat color comment was a general remark; you use a lot of very roundabout ways of describing both characters. It's commonly referred to as "Lavender Unicorn Syndrome" but I didn't use that phrase because you make a lot of other suspect descriptive choices besides color.
Variety is all well and good, but this moves beyond sensible variance into a pointless aversion to repetition.
While we're on the subject, you have an an addiction to participle phrases and parenthetical em dashes. It makes your sentences very hard to follow and choppy to read. There is no flow, no tension, no buildup, and any attempts at it are quickly ruined. This is also what I meant about my fapping comment; instead of leading the reader and guiding them to a climax (emotional or sexual) the story just sort of putters along, then ends.
The violence being poorly described is not just a matter of it moving the next plot point along (see previous comment about pacing issues), but it simply has no impact. "Oh, my ears got injured and my mane is gone, now I'll get over it immediately and the physical deformity will never be mentioned again."
I was not describing it as too violent, I was saying the violence being given more attention than the sex is not a very good idea for a clopfic (though this is admittedly subjective). And even ignoring the subjective nature of that, the violence itself is bland and has no impact. Delivery is more important than content. You can pair necrophilia and necromancy and have it be uneventful, and you can have something as "light" as sexual harassment be a trying experience, provided you make it believable.
That is ultimately this story's greatest failing; it isn't deliberate or well-paced. It wants to get everything over with as soon as possible. Mind Control (either as a fetish or as a horror trope) relies on deliberate pacing to work. The same is true of violence. The same is true of insanity. Rarity's characterization falls flat because it has no buildup (the amulet is not an excuse for this either, since Trixie's mental state clearly degrades in the episode), and Blueblood's characterization falls flat because it has no buildup either (his character is not an excuse for this either, since you do not portray his cowardice consistently)
3529928 It is for this comment that I applaud your downvote. Verily, you could have downvoted and said nothing like so many before you, but you took the time to make well thought-out counterpoints to my objections.
Truth be told, this is definitely not one of my better works. It was quick and [arguably] to the point. The characterization is definitely lackluster, but really, with as short a story as this was, it was bound to suffer. Likewise the description undoubtedly suffered as a result of the length. I could certainly have made this an affair of much greater length, but that would have defeated the purpose of being a quick distraction from other things.
I could cop out and say that you're nitpicking over a fic that was intended to be short to begin with, or argue that there are longer stories with poorer characterization, but that simply makes to deflect blame from me.
On the point of nitpicking though, I will say that you seem to take more issue with my choice of vocabulary than the meanings. You might see it as being needlessly verbose, or erring on the side of purple prose, but in reality it is simply how the words flow from my mind. It's amazing what having professors and editors anal about verbal repetition does to one's thought processes.
As far as my parenthetical em dashes, I would argue that it makes things slightly easier to understand than parenthetical commas. It makes the interjected thought clearly separate with no chance of ambiguity. 'But why not just use parenthesis, then?' Again with the anal professors. I guess I just need to get a better feel for which is necessary where, huh?
I suppose I do overuse participle phrases, don't I? You're honestly the first person to ever point this out to me. It certainly makes me wonder why none of the folks who've edited for me over the last two years have noticed or pointed this out. This is definitely something I need to work on, and I thank you for bringing this issue up to me.
Also, really? You take that from the greedy breaths line? An individual deprived of oxygen is always going to breathe deeply and greedily to replenish their blood-oxygen count. His self concern does not negate the necessity of breathing.
3530178 I do not consider 8k words "short"--I have seen fics (clop and not) deliver balanced pacing and characterization in 3k words. I will concede that anything 1k words or less rarely has space to deliver its ideas, but length is almost never an excuse for writing flaws.
I took issue with the "greedy breaths" because you already used the words "sucked in" in the same paragraph. Having both doesn't add much, and the sentence already has a dull full clause and a lot of information in it.
It's the same thing with the excessive em dashes and participle phrases; it ruins the flow and makes thing harder to follow when you overuse them. They should mark notable things, not be sprinkled everywhere in an attempt to add atmosphere or sound artistic.
Consider the difference between "The glass emptied, and he drank in as much air as he could." and "The glass emptied of all the fluid in it, and he greedily drank in as much air as he could, his lungs hungrily taking in breath after breath--he silently noted the rich oyxgen tasted of strawberries." They deliver the same information, with similar details, but the second sentence gets in its own way. The simplicity of the first sentence may dampen the meaning, but it ultimately provides a similar visual while being easier to follow.
I concede I am biased about excessive/purple prose. Saying "that's just how I write", however, is never a valid excuse. I saw all the exact same problems I've listed here in Buttonette, Button Mash, and they were just as cumbersome then. It is perfectly fine to want your prose to sound pretty, to have it evoke emotion, or to inspire imitation. But if no one can understand what you've written then any poetic potential is lost. In my opinion, clarity will always trump prettiness.
That's not to say you can't have both, of course. I'm still trying to make my writing pretty in addition to being functional. But every writer should strive for a balance, not just one or the other.
welp, there's some fuel for my sexual fantasies for tonight. sucks my boyfriend is on the other side of the country.
either way, once again you assert your possistion as my favorite author on this site, if not period. Kenchi618 and James Patterson be damned, they aint got jack sh!t on you
So... I read it.
First off, I thought it was extremely well-written, and I must respectfully disagree with NeverClever. I thought that the technical aspects of this story were excellent. Lavender Unicorn Syndrome, is, in my view, on overstated problem. Repetition bugs me far more; LUS is only a negative when it makes the narrative confusing or filled with distracting imagery. I did not see that happening in this story. As a huge fan of dashes (the use of which I've been trying to rein in in my own writing) I saw nothing excessive about your use of them for parentheticals. As for participle phrases.... I honestly didn't even notice.
And this is the point, I suppose: The narrative flowed very well, in my opinion. At no point was I confused, not once did I have to pause or re-read a sentence or section to grasp its meaning, at no point was I distracted or bored, and I can't find any piece of this story that was in any way technically "ugly" to my eyes. This is good writing. I liked it.
As for the content of the story itself, it was a weird hit-and-miss, resonating with some of my fantasies in some section, but failing to stir anything within me in others. The description had ample warnings, so I knew what I was getting into. I don't really go for Rule 63, because I don't really see the point. (To summarise: If the 63'd character is the same person mentally, then any consequence of being in an unfamiliar or opposite-sexed body is much better served with a body-swap; if the 63'd character is altered mentally then they're not really the same character which makes the whole exercise pointless; and if you try to play both sides, you just get an incomprehensible mess.) Memory-erasing also seems like a self-defeating proposition. It's effectively killing a character and replacing them with another, rather than an effective torture of a single character I can sympathise with.
There were some parts I did like immensely, though. The "blood toll" and BB's being utterly terrified both before and after was... delicious, really. And the drain cleaner scene... oh, wow. (Even though it really wasn't BB at that point, the intensity was still amazing.)
I could be here all day if I tried listing every little fetish this story hit and every one it missed, but the overall effect was enjoyable, if not quite amazing.
The 'happy ending' (now there's some delicious irony) was a good addition. Classic tragedy, well done.
You get a thumb-up form me.
Of all things, why did I chose to read this? The description lied to me, I thought it said there would be a happy ending!
Mmm? Oh wait, no. It's in quotation marks, ugh.
That was pretty cool.
Prophets of God! What the hell did I just read ? And how is BlueBlood/Flora end up in Manehattan ? How long has time passed from this chap and the previous one ?
3530178
Why didn't Rarity just change Flora back to normal and erased her memories ?
3673654 To return her 'back to normal' would have been impossible. Rarity completely stripped her of her mind and rebuilt it based on mental suggestions.
Oh sweet damnation...Seven Fates, what have you done? I understand your opinions on the matter, but this fic...I'm going to have nightmares, I just know it. I think...I think...I'm going to leave you alone for a bit...(Sweet corny giblets, this was scary, but at least it was accurate up-to-a-point on some of the ramifications of mental tampering)...
3751104 Oh, admit it. You had fun.
3751294 Yeah I did. If your goal wasn't a clopfic or horrorfic, this was really good. Tragedy, Dark...I suppose...but I think it works better as a short-story warning on the dangers of perception, and the nightmares of mind-tampering both for the perpetrator and the victim. It can always go wrong regardless of initial intention.
I was almost entirely focusing on how Rarit- Sorry, Elusive, replayed the entire event at the gala, with herself in the original position of Blueblood, who was focusing on something else at the time. It really makes Rarity seem like a crazy mare, without a lick of sense, shame, or reason. ...At least towards other pony's business.
So, to sum up, not only have you made me feel sympathy for Blueblood, you've put a single moment of the show into perspective, with all kinds of theories popping into possibility. You're good, alright. Damn Good.(By the way, the sentence style is perfectly fine in a story like this, especially since you aren't trying to hit all our emotional feels, but really, just showing how the event happened. Kudos for not taking either's side.)
Edit: Not putting into Favorites, but will try to post review in Fimfiction Blog.
,,,Um... I... I... I dunno what to say other than "Damn". This story was amazingly dark, without overdoing it. Again, just... just damn.
Considering this comment comes over 30 weeks after the story was published, I feel no qualms as to its contents.
So, Rarity, going to pull a nice impression of old Stan there? Come on in, the water's nice and hot. You'll feel like you're floating soon enough, you naughty girl. Floating in a hot bath is so relaxing, isn't it? Feeling all the stress of the day just bleed out of you, leaving you so wonderfully calm and still. Don't slip off just yet; I've got a friend I want you to meet first. Say hello to Georgie...
You'll float alright. We all float down here, Rarity. WE ALL FLOAT!
Ponywise
I really want there to be a sequel, I want to see what happens in the aftermath once Princess Celestia finds out what happened to Blue Blood, to be honest I don't hate blueblood nor do I like him, I will continue to let him believe that he was a mare but I don't think I have the heart to undo that mind tempering spell. and now they are one element down, what does this mean for Equestria
Curious. If she felt bad--as soon as the deed was done even--then why did she simply not make sure her new friend got a nice boyfriend? I mean, she was still empowered by the amulet so she could have disguised herself, read the mind of a few stallions, or even implant a desire to treat her right. In fact, while she could not restore the mind, just tweaking the programming would have been enough. I mean, this was no longer Blueblood but a mare that she actually sympathized with. Also, why would Flora feature in the papers? Do they list weddings?
Asides from these minor gripes, this was one awesome story, with the inner monologues being a great touch. I'm still not sure how Elusive had the blood price justified, though?
Say, I wonder if Blueblood really is the bad guy bronies paint him as, as what I saw was a total stranger walking up to him and declaring that he was going to abandon his free will and become her trophy husband, without even talking first.
This is a well-written torture fic: good descriptions of the suffering, original take on the revenge plot, good use of canon. Not entirely satisfied with the mind control (I prefer the slow descent myself), but that's a nitpick.
Overall, dark and unsettling, with good attention to quality. Cheers!
3526388 i agree on the memory part. that felt like it shouldn't have been there