• Member Since 26th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 23rd, 2018

Silentpegasus


An aspiring writer that loves the fandom and it's works

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After losing his right arm and eye, Crank Shaft, a brilliant inventor and his parents move to Ponyville to get away from the busy city of Manehattan. His folks enroll him in the local high school in an attempt to bring back some normalcy into the teenager's life. What happens when a certain flyer takes a liking to the young Unicorn and what secret is he keeping from his new friends?
Dash X O.C.
(All ponies are Humanized. They have horns and wings. No tails.)
(Sex will happen much later in the story.)

Chapters (14)
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Comments ( 450 )

Looks good so far. Keep it up.

I like this. It's like a cross between Deus Ex: Human Revolution and Iron Man

This guy has the most awesome name eva, Crank Shaft! That will be the name of my grandchildren. :moustache:

This is going to be very interesting.:rainbowdetermined2:

Things, are getting interesting...

Dweeb = crank.

So... He's a cyborg....

Great...

In his right arm is probably weapons of Mass destruction...... I hope

Only now do I notice that he lost his arm... And eye...


Man I'm slow...

“The number is 117.”

was this intentional lol

Despite the rampant Mary-Stu-ness of this OC, I'm engrossed in the story. I eagerly await the inevitable chapter where Dash and the other girls find out about his cybernetics, everyone comforts him, and the harem begins. :raritywink:

Loving the Doctor Who references.

So, you have another HiE story?(your not even done with the other two.) Well it's time to analyze this story with a review:

Chapter 1:

First off, the name Crank Shaft(:rainbowlaugh::facehoof:) Your serious? You know how easy it is to use that name out of context?

“I’ll be in the workshop D.” He said as he finished cleaning the dishes. A toy sized blue figure appeared on the glass coffee table. The image was definitely a woman with strands of green code running up and down her form.

So basically Cortana made up of the Matrix(cant really picture it). Is D short for something?(does she have some DD's? lol)

“That’s screwdriver. Probe sounds too.....uncomfortable.” He said as he sat down and pressed the button causing a low buzzing sound.

I have a Sonic Screwdriver too(10th), still wondering if I should get the 11th(I wonder what the 12th will be like)

“Run a scan. Find out who she is.” The man said as he examined her leg. The image blinked once and a series of photographs appeared on the glass.

“Medical files retrieved. Her name is Rainbow Dash, seventeen years old. Weather manager for Ponyville.

Is this guy a hacker? Do I detect some felonies in the future.

“Of course.” Crank walked downstairs into the workshop and stepped on the red circle. The man took his shirt off and pressed a button on his watch. The man’s right arm began to shift and the flesh started to rip revealing a metallic frame covering a series of intricate wires and gears. The metal stopped as it wrapped around his right shoulder blade. “How is the Mark V holding up?”

I'm getting a Full Metal Alchemist reference vibe here, with a touch of Iron Man.

“So Crank, what do you do?” Twilight asked as she sipped her drink.

“Not much, read, play video games, workout. Stuff like that.

Sounds like my life before MLP.

Chapter 2:

“You as well Luna.” He said as he shook her hand.”Why are you the Principle? I thought that you’d be too busy ruling with Tia.”

“This is only a clone." She said as she gestured to her body. "My sister insisted that I learn about our subjects by overseeing the youth in this school.” She said with a sigh. “Since I am friends with a few members of Ponyville, she figured that it would be easier for me to start here.”

So basically a shadow clone. I'm guessing when the clone disappears, she'll know everything that her clone knows.

“Um, okay.” He said as he pulled out his phone. He set it on the desk and started rubbing his hands together as arcs of electricity formed around them. He placed his left hand over the device and a bright bolt of blue electricity struck it. The phone started to change and shift. Soon the object disassembled itself and reassembled as a small robotic man.

I loved it when Ed did that everytime(I would clap my hands too and pretend I'm doing shit at the same time he did)
fc03.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/188/2/9/edwardelric_by_bichettedu73-d3lb537.gif
animeotakus.org/image/anime/1304/one-clap-edward-elric-fullmetal-alchemist-clap-trasmutation-anime-otakus-1364803622.jpg

“Alright listen up. Soarin and I are going to be teaching you all during our off season.” Spitfire said. “We’re also in the process of recruiting for Wonderbolt Training.” Dash squealed like a fan girl. “If you think you got what it takes then stop by one of our offices. Keep in mind you must maintain at least a C average or higher in all your classes to be considered for the position.” The cyan flyer then grunted.

Of course, this only applies to pegasi, so tough luck earth ponies and unicorns.:ajbemused:

They were black, rectangular wire rim and were considered stylish. He put his right hand over his fake eye and rested his head on his hand. While Crank had the advantage of having robotic implants he mostly used it from a study aspect. “Mr Late, we’re waiting.”

Just like the Doctor(I bet his glasses doesn't have lens either.)

“Heads up, cuz am about to,” Crank quickly levitated the musician’s glasses over his eyes. “drop the bass!” A bright blue beam accompanied by electronic beats erupted from the speaker and slammed the Unicorn against the wall of lockers.

And thus the Bass Cannon was born.

“I noticed.” He said with a shrug. “Still, the feedback is nothing compared to the X23 model.” Vinyl scoffed.

Maybe just a coincidence, but I was getting a X-men vibe here.

“First, there’s no such thing as too much anime,” She said in a flat tone.

First, shock to hear that from Twilight(didn't take her for an Otaku) and second, so true.

“Celestia told me.” Crank’s facade shattered. “I am her personal student after all.” Crank narrowed his eyes and gritted his teeth. “She didn’t tell me what happened, just that you lost your right arm in an explosion.”

Why is Celestia telling her this shit? It's none of her business for her to go tell people about their lives.:twilightangry2:

Nothing like some Ramen to warm the body.

One last Naruto reference for the day. *end of review*

Got to say, this story is different from your others, but it's still so awesome.:pinkiesmile: I do like how you introduce technology in this world.(Just don't go off speaking some sciencey mumbo jumbo that nobody is going to understand.:applejackconfused:) So keep up the good work and I'll be keeping my EYE on this story(SEE what I did there? Oops did it again. lol:rainbowlaugh:)

Good. Just keep an eye on your possessives like in two following examples in this chapter:

across the mares body

Should be "across the mare's body."

diagram of the mares body

Should have "mare's" instead of mares.

Delta almost choked on his water

Did you mean to have "Crank" there instead?

that sass back feature

"Sass back" should be "back sass."
Otherwise this seems to be pretty solid.

Halo player. Locker number 117. Some one must have gotten Master Chief's old high school locker.

You didn’t eve us a calculator

You misspelled "even" and "use" in that sentence. Just keep an eye out for that stuff before pressing that submit button. Otherwise it was pretty good.

Love this story so far! Keep it up!:pinkiehappy:

House party with the Mane 6? This can only end... awesomely.

Looks good, just watch for the spelling and grammar errors.

3454449 NO HAREMS! This is strictly Dash x O.C.

3454485

First off, the name Crank Shaft. You're serious? You know how easy it is to use that name out of context?

Judging by the "Mature" and "Sex" tags, I believe the words "Crank" and "Shaft" will be used in such context eventually.

Character is a tad OP but hey Im reading this anyways.

Dear Celestia this story is like crack, I NEED MORE:flutterrage: sorry that was uncalled for:fluttershysad: but please do continue, by the way, Sonic Screw Driver? really? I mean, come on!

Huh, you really like using the word love in your titles, don't you?

great story so far. cant wait for more.

to any readers. do you know of any stories similar to this so far? anthro with replaced limbs and new kid in town or genius or something. ive got a shit load of crap going on and I need something like this with a lot of chapters to read to unwind and relax. thanks

Not yet read, but it sounds very promising.
I'll start when some more chapters are online.

I will wait when there's more to read. Hate to start reading and waiting for next chapter.

Can I submit an OC to act as a engineering rival with Crank?

Well, this is interesting, not only another Gary Stu in an Anthro world, but ALSO:
-Augmented arm-eye
-Rich family
-Dad owns maybe the biggest company in the country (and beyond)
-Mother got to be chief in an hospital in less than 6 weeks
-Dead serious expression
-Sonic Screwdriver.
-"Cortana" as a family android
-Drone attack protection

Yep, and the sex tag in the fic just tell me its gonna be what "Somewhere i belong" became. Still, i want to see how this evolves.

3454685

Remember that "X's" its short for "X is"

So "across the mare's body." is "Across the mare is body."

3456360
Unless it is in the possessive form, which in this instance it is. What belongs to the mare? Her body. In the form I found it as in the chapter mares is the plural form.

This is good! While it seems odd that everyone and their uncle is attending this school, I don't mind too much. It just makes it easier to include the characters. Also, who doesn't want to paly dodgeball with Blueblood? And by play, I mean pummel with solid rubber spheres till he's Black-and-Blueblood!

...That was a horrible joke, I'm so sorry...

3456351 Just a few things. 1.) Cranks mom just got transfered to the position. 2.) His dad doesn't own THE biggest company, but it's large. 3.) STRICTLY DASH X O.C. There may be a love triangle but not a harem. In this Universe relatinships are only between two people. 4.) Crank isn't indestructable. I'll go into further depth as the story continues.

That's soooo Mary Sue to me, but hey - I'm not the bloody one fellow to judge.

Despite the latter, I like it. But! - it's a classic 'newguytotheschoolissotoughandcool' piece. It's pretty... Cut-and-dried, if I may say so. But still, I'd like to see where this one is going.

3456379 Dah-dum tisssshhh!
Best. Joke. Ever! :rainbowwild:

Hmmm...Mechromancer...Robotic arm? Genius? Able to build what he wants at the top of a hat? HELLO BORDERLANDS. Wait. Will there be a replacement for Salvador? Or maybe Zero....hm.

Put in a Salvador. Just...do it. And he works with male "Gaige". Not against him. That would make my day.

So:

1- Luna is principal on standar Ponyville high school
2- Blueblood is there as a student
3- Spitfire and Soarin are the coaches
4- He makes puns that even Vin. Scratch does
5- He has just so many contacts at his 17 years old that he can give people things wich aren't even relased, threat the royal family as friends, thing wich not even Twilight does, and he has also time to spare with all the mane 6
6- Mane 6 are gamers
7- Luna is a gamer
8- Body of an athlete
9- Smarter than most of the masterminds in the country, still, being only 17
10- worked on most of the programming-expert jobs, still, being only 17
11- Father company is a big monopoly


This is TOTALLY NOT a Gary Stu, nor any cliche factor is present in this fanfic.

3456360 But it also shows possession. So therefore he was correct.

3456423

that is good to know, but still, so far in both chapters you make it look like that shy muscle head who is also the smartest guy in the world that doesn't fear nothing, its not just about making weakness but also about REMOVING strenght from him.

(really? a 17 years old solving things the masterminds of the country couldn't?, that's a proof of what i am saying)

I may have faith on Crank Shaft not being an OP guy, but so far you are giving me the exactly opposite of that.

3457994 Oh trust me he is deffinetly scared of something and he using some 'upgrades' on his arm tax his power immensly. I'll go into further depth in the coming chapters.

3458014

Ill be eager to see how this story gets interesting.


I just dont want the same thing that happened with "Somewhere i belong"

3456423
not to hard to see that crank isnt indestructible. you can have the most advanced piece of tech that has gone through an unthinkable amount of tests to make sure it doesnt break, and then it breaks. his arm and eye are a disaster waiting to happen. also, while he is talented in magic, he is a machromancer. so i dont see him having a wide variety of non tech based magic outside of teleporting and levitation. and if i am correct in guessing this, the reason he can use tech based magic is because he is a genius with technology, thus giving him the in depth knowledge of how to build/alter his tech......god i could write a paper on this, so i will stop there

Initial impression is as follows:

Tony Stark + Briareos (Appleseed ex Machina) + Borg + Steve Jobs + Dexter's Lab = Protagonist

A little OP and has a "Mary Sue" feel but these are very early impressions. Nevertheless, I'll stick with this one 'cause I'd like to see where you go with this. Don't get me wrong; I like it, mostly 'cause technophiles are awesome. :twilightsmile:

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