• Member Since 7th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen May 19th, 2015

S3rb4n



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When the megaspells fell, everything died, but New Pegasus endured. The city of mobsters, crime, vice and gambling survived and thrived during the long balefire winter. Twenty years after the Day of Sunshine and Rainbows, New Pegasus is still a beacon in the middle of the Neighvada Desert, a pot of gold for whoever can get his hooves on it.

My name is Farsight, and I know everything about the dark secrets that the neon billboards don't show... I've seen the best and the worst; and I've pulled many strings. In my world, there are no heroes or villains, just ponies with ambitions and goals that can be bent to one's interest; for I know an undeniable truth: Everypony has a plan. Allow me to show you how I worked my way out of the gutter, how I climbed to the top of the ladder... and how I fell.

PDF version also available for download: Viva Las Pegasus PDF

Note: Thanks to Doomande, Dinawartotem and Fillyosopher for their help! To all readers, comments are welcome! I'll try to reply to them as much as possible. Thanks!

Cover Art by the magnificent CalamityB31

Chapters (30)
Comments ( 689 )

Pretty interesting first chapter. We know the events Farsight is going to go through have already happened so this is like living his memories before creating the vault and sealing it with his Black Opal inside. Few things to fix. Telekinesys is spelt Telekinesis and Pip-Buck is spelled PipBuck.

After haven read this is there only one thing I can say. I am intrigued.

Making a megaspell isn't a easy feet, and I want to learn a lot more about the pony who can pull that of in the middle of the Wasteland. That we are going to learn about the story trough a others eyes now after he have done it is also a new thing that I look forward to see how you pull of

Well, good sir, I am glad -- very glad indeed, and proud -- to say that not only have you piqued my immense interest, but you have also gone down a writing style somewhat similar to mine! Congratulations, good sir, you have yourself a follow! :moustache:

Muhaha I am claiming the first REVIEW at this TIME!

Ahh still nice to see that the Overmare are still a bitch, so nothing new there yet. The only new things I can put my finger on as of now are the inner pony voice that are talking to Farsight, but I have nothing against it. It are a rather normal thing in the wasteland to hear voices after all, and the evil librarian are not evil any more... And that Farsight breaks down when he remembers his old bed*

One thing that hits me in the dark and gruesome tunnel scene are that he is acting rather... Non-unicorny. He have his horn, so if he activated it whould he be able to just see a little bit, before he remembered that he had a better light source in his PipBuck

"...they were cannibals waiting for ponies to come out of the Stable (please, Celestia, don’t let it be like that) or the whole Stable was a sort of absurd behavioral experiment."

Fate is a fickle bitch, so somehow do I think that you are not only foreshadowing one thing, but both of them! The stable are a experiment, and we are going to see some cannibals in the future. That are just evil dude! Pure evil... I like it :pinkiehappy:

"a toaster repairpony" I see what you did there, but have only one response to that. "Sit on my horn and spin"

And boy how do I fell with Farsight right now! How many giant world wars have I not fought in my Civ 5 just for a little thing? How many ships have I lost in Spore to the stupid looking race that lived just next door? How many rival gangs have I not slaughtered with magic, steel and dirty tricks in Final Fantasy Tactics Advance to keep them out from my lawn? I feel with you dude! :raritydespair::raritycry:

Nitpicks:
"Rest assured that the lives of the ponies of Stable 188 are forever in debt with you" Are you sure that you want a with there and not a to?

"without a single reference to start?." I think that you forgot a period here.

"I had honestly no idea what they were talking about. NCR?" I think that he knows what the NCR are, or did he not hear his intro radio?

"On the one hand... but on the other hand" I think that you want to use hoof here

*And the teddy bear on it

1687466 Thanks for the review, Doom.

There are things to pick out every now and then, but let's assume that Farsight is too scared to think properly when in the tunnel. Otherwise, I am glad that you understand Farsight's situation. Expect more twists and turns to come!

On the grammar nitpicks, I should have Filly look at the text someday... Then I'll correct whatever needs to be corrected.

1679692 Thanks for the follow, Delvius. :pinkiehappy: I hope I can maintain your interest along the fic, and what a coincidence that our styles match!

Just a few small things:

When the heavy door slam shut behind me...

- Should that be slammed?

Without a reference to start?.

Why's there a dot after the question mark?

it was the system what had done this to me.

- Should that 'what' be 'that'?

"DESTINATION, UNKNOWN" - Where I stop for tonight.

I must say, I very much like where this is going. In fact, I like the story as a whole, so far; it feels like I'm reading FOE again, to be honest. Yes, it's written well, and be proud of that! Maybe it's because your writing style resembles mine -- the narrator acknowledges he is the narrator and narrates like he's talking to someone, and is capable of making mistakes/quirks in his narration -- or something else. Either way, I am very much liking this. You could have played a little bit more on his feelings, cause I think that leaving a stable, your home, like that would probably make him narrate a whole paragraph for his emotions, and certainly it was quite fast-paced, but I am really liking where this is going.

If it's any help, I could try helping you promote this. Whaddaya say?

1724734 Thanks for the review, Delvius. I'll take a look at the mistakes you pointed out.

Honestly, I never expected to be compared with the original FOE :pinkiehappy: It's one hell of a surprise. Also, I know I'm not the best when it comes to expressing feelings: either I go full drama queen or my character turns into Terminator. But I keep trying, I keep trying. :twilightsheepish: About the pace, it is fast, I know that, but I'm trying to moderate it as the story goes on :scootangel:.

Anyway, I'm really glad about you liking it, and I'd be delighted to have you on my side to promote this little adventure of mine. Thank you very much!

1724937 Of course! I'll go around sites, subconsciously promote this however I can, worry not! :pinkiehappy:

I missed the Stable. I never thought I would, but as the hours went by, I started wondering what the Dwellers would be doing. Then I remembered my bed, warm and cozy, and tears came to my eyes as I realized I wouldn’t sleep on it again. Most probably, I wouldn’t sleep in a bed again. Then I thought about the Overmare, and rage filled my brain. I hadn’t stopped thinking about the events that led to my banishment, and minute after minute I was more and more convinced that the Lottery had been rigged. I wanted revenge, but there were other things to worry about. I had been thrown out from my home into a place which, funnily, considered me an illegal alien. I’d be probably kicked out once again, this time into the actual Wasteland. I was, once again, shaking with fear at the sight of leaving the last hint of civilization and being forced to survive in a wild environment, for which I was far from prepared. I felt weak and laid down on the floor, crying in silence. I felt like vomiting, but I had nothing left on the stomach to throw up, just some bile that came to my mouth and went back down again. I laid my head on the floor and waited for somepony to come for me.

- I suggest you divide this into two paragraphs; maybe separate them somewhere around the part where he was thinking about being forced outside.

-Also, there are a few grammar/tense errors here. I suggest you run through it for a bit.

and I still was in that dull gray holding cell.

- My own personal suggestion is to turn that into 'and I was still in that dull gray holding cell.'

If you do so, then you’re even more foalish than I thought.”

- Might I suggest that you change that to, 'if you do..., then...' Notice the lack of 'so'.

Why the fuck had it to be me?

Could I suggest that that change to 'Why the fuck did it have to be me?'

Now, I must that I am VERY much intrigued. I will continue reading this, with sparse intervals.

1731525 Thanks for the comments, Delvius. I'll take a look at the things you point out. And glad to have you intrigued.

Everyday I wake up to find a strand of my mare on the floor, or a chunk of hide, or a tooth, or even part of my hoof.

- Mare? Should that be mane?

Only real error I found so far, will continue reading tomorrow.

1732117 Whoops. Mare, mane, mane, mare. I got confused. Thanks!

Yet another REVIEW TIME!

First of all, I hate that douche in the beginning of the chapter. He is so stupid! Thinking that he can trick some fast caps out of me when I finally comes into New Vegas. Dude by the time you see me does I have a fully moded Hunting Shotgun and enough caps to walk right into the strip, as if I need help from your sorry as to kill people without armour that are running at me with rolling pins and knifes!

Ohh mister Mixer. Thou are the most lovely Brit I have found in Fo:E, I do just hope that you are coming back and play a role again later on.

And how is it nice to see a RoboDoggy Winona... The idea is so fresh and really a good nudge towards FO3... Although they are built on the most evil robo space ponies ever made! Buttercup!

You are also hitting the head on the nail a lot of times in this story. Really showing that you have some talent hiding in you. Like the humour with the cook that exorcise his meat with his pan, saving the soul of rotten meals one of a time. And the dark nuance you quickly shows with the mother that sells her body for some food to her foals, with only laugher from the surrounding ponies that have no better lives than her. There is really something with the way that you show the darkness of the Wasteland that I like, because there is still a little speck of light in it. There is a reason to why the mare sells her body, where other stories just shows another whore. You are rather good to show stuff from more than one side, or putting Farsight
in places where he can see both sides.
One thing that I am going to say that you are overdoing is all the friendly ponies. Sure the Shy wants to help him, and there is some good atmosphere in the marked. But why would Sunberry, a young mare that are helping her mother with the farm in any way she can, do something for Farsight for free? I could understand it if she got the dress for her help, or a cap or two for watching out for his stuff. But doing stuff for free? And on the note of being friendly, although I like how you have made Stuka (or the quick look at her that you have shown us) do I think that she is to friendly again. Sure she could be playing, but there is something of about her in my head. If you are a "worker" like her do you want some caps for the fun time, no matter how flattering the buck/mare is. Maybe a really really small amount because she also liked it, but it is her food and living. Without paying costumers are she nothing

And on the note on costumers. I really like how you have made the economy. It feels right in some way. The high prices for all the stuff that you don´t actually need to live, and the essential prices on stuff like food and what not. It is really something that bothered me in the games. But when that is said do I hope that you set the prises on the guns right, because if he can earn 1500+ caps in one day do the weapons have to follow suit, unless he was a really really lucky buck on his first day

And to end it all. I really really love that little bitch (although it is her that have the pants on) Goldie. There is just something lovely with her that I can´t put my fingers on.

Nitpicks:
"they dressed fancy suits and dresses" Are you not missing a in in this sentence?

"everything went black and I felt the cold floor on my side." Should it not be dirt or road since he is outside?

“I hate it about this place" Should you not use that are another word instead of it here?

“Them wankers took it" Although I love that sentence, do I not think that ponies have wankers ;)

"Can we offer something to the fine gentleman here?” I think that you want genltecolt here

"The only two lockpicks I carried on me broke while I was trying to open the door to the first flat in the three-storey building I had chosen as my first prey" Where did he get those from :rainbowhuh:

"On the other hand" I thought that Farsight was a pagasus, not a griffin :derpytongue2:

"Being a colt myself I watched the Wonderbolts’ adventures over and over again" You have just stated that he havn´t seen a TV before, so where have he seen the Wonderbolts?

"She had seen the dress I had found in the flat," Did he not find more than one dress?

"The retinue was composed of two ponies on black leather armor clearing the way" Are they not in the armor?

"The Four Little Diamonds was my first target in the list" Are it on on the list? And what list are re referring to? Because it is the first time that we hear about it

"I have a short temper" This it not something you say out loud in the real life. Maybe use a synonym or saying instead of saying it out lout

1737928 Thanks for the review, Doom. I'll take a look at your nitpicks.

The only thing I want to discuss is that Stuka is not a whore, she's just a bodyguard. However, she finds Farsight handsome and well, they get to have some fun together. :ajsmug: About Sunberry being friendly... blame solidarity between traders. :twilightsheepish:

I very much liked the points doomande pointed out as well, actually. You're a very good writer, and you have a talent in you I have not seen since FOE; less distinct maybe, but it's definitely there. :twilightsmile:

I pray that you develop this talent, because I am loving how you right. It's just so engaging it almost makes me feel inadequate. :pinkiesad2:

Congratulations, you truly do have my attention now, almost as much as FOE did.:pinkiehappy:

1738344 Wow, thank you. I don't know what to say to that, actually :raritystarry:. Comparing my fic to FOE is just... frightening, from the very level of expectations I'm generating. I just hope to be able to keep up.

Also, Dina has much to say about the story. He's helping me develop the storyline and the characters, so give him some love as well.

1738383 Just write like how you do now; you'll do good.

And I guess that's my problem; I have no help with my story. I don't suppose you'd know anyone that would be willing to help me develop my characters and story? Maybe an editor or a prereader or... well, something.

1738395 You could ask Dina, but he's already with mine and he's found a job, so he won't have all that much time. I guess there will be others, I just haven't found them.

1738413 Oh well. Self-work has done well enough for me for the last sixteen chapters spanning 312k words. I guess I can continue like that for a while longer.

1738423 Don't be so hard on yourself... Your fic looks very good as well.

1738508 Oh believe me, I know it's good. Not trying to be proud or anything, but I'm not devoid of personal worth.
What I DO need is to improve such that when someone reads mine, that they feel like they're reading FOE again. I need to make them feel like they can't put the story away until the chapter's finished.

1738526 I see, that's one tough goal indeed. But you know, the tougher the road, the greater the reward, so best of luck. :twilightsmile:

I hope that mine can give the reader a good time and some nice memories in the end.

Interesting...... Delvius mentioned this, well another story added to my read to later :rainbowlaugh: I'll start reading right now:twilightsmile:

I'm liking where this is going :moustache:

This.... Is a very good fic :twilightsmile: unique like what Delvius said. And i'm starting to like them scenes you make :twilightblush: Well currently waiting for chapter 8! Let's see what will become of Freedom Fields in the future shall we?

1750496 Thank you very much, I'm really glad you liked it. Chapter 8 is waiting for a revision, and then I'll have it published.

Hm...This is such an interesting hook you've got. I see the way that you framed this to make farsight become the villain by the end of the story (which is something I should take note :) ) I also like how politically inclined aswell as how progressive you've made the story. The journal style is pretty cool aswell. My only really concern is that the description is lacking a bit. I shall have to see what happens in the further chapters to this effect, as this was a journal (so technically its alright)

Anyway, once I can secure some time a little later I will. ;D

1759378 Thanks for the feedback! This was an introduction, so expect changes in the style in the next chapters.

Sorry if I haven't commented in a while, my quarterly exams are literally less than a weak from now.

I have, however, found some time to comment. So, here's what I noticed.

Your descriptions are good, but on occasion you tend to use the same word in the same sentence twice. Doing this is generally not good, and if it has to be done then the words should at least be a bit farther from each other. I suggest rewording, though. I saw this several times in chapter 2, in the part where he's finding out the prices for items.

Also, though this may just be my style, I think you should use more commas.

Then he searched through her pockets and hurled a bunch of caps onto the stand.

- Should that 'her' be 'his'? :rainbowhuh:

1767429 No problem, Delvius, take your time. :twilightsmile:

You're probably right, and even if I'm aware of that, it could be either a mistake or that I didn't find a better word. Either way, I'll check it and reword it if possible.

1768170 Whoooops. My bad. :twilightsheepish:

Good chapter, you've certainly put us in the horseshoes of Farsight and we can totally feel empathy towards him along with all of his thought processes which make him pretty interesting and believable in what he does and how he thinks. It's interesting to see this fish in the water react to his new found surroundings and the new ponies he will inevitably have to deal with.

Pretty good sir, I'll be sure to carry on.

1786839 Thank you very much. I hope you enjoy my following chapters as much as I have enjoyed writing them. :pinkiesmile:

so far this is really good. glad that i got the time to read this :pinkiesmile:

1788925 My pleasure. Really glad you liked it. Thanks for faving it, by the way! :twilightsmile:

Hello there everypony in this fic, this is the Doomande with yet another REVIEW TIME! (yep I stole your intro ha!:pinkiecrazy:)

It is first now that I sees it, but damn how is that radio intro to all the chapters a good idea! That way do you give a lot of info, keep the reader up to date AND kill some of the exposition in the same time! That are just brilliant, and give the story some charm that I never have seen before. Don´t know why it first hits me now here in 3, but late is better than never after all.

"The last thing I clearly remembered was leaving the Four Little Diamonds after having enjoyed a morning of passion with Stuka. That had radically changed my opinion towards griffins. I once saw them as muscled hulks meant to fight, natural born predators, people not to mess with. After meeting Stuka, however, I had realized that they could also be tender creatures with a heart as big as their talons."

Where did he get this picture? Down in the stable or? Because I do not think that he have been in the Wasteland long enough to learn about them that way.

I can´t really see any need for the first 7 segments of your chapter, it is just retelling on what happened last chapter, and there have not gone so long time that we need a reminder about what happened the last chapter. And would be especially irritating if you read what you have in one go. I know that it ain´t a big problem, but I would erase or put something else in that space if you need some thinking before we go into the real chapter.

I think that this is the first story that makes a so direct nudge towards the original, the only thing I can say that is bad about the scene where Farsight reads the book is that the book look to short, we are talking about a epic tale of epic proportions, it would be like you took 5 Harry Potter books and combined it one, it would not be especially reader friendly so big it would be... In other news have there been 4 new assassination attempts with giant tomes, be aware of ponies that have especially heavy looking saddle bags on their sides!

I do not like Mister Black, there I said it. I know that you should have some fun in the Wasteland and what not, but there is a limit to it at some point. Right now does he look more like a comic relief than anything else, and that is sad. It did also come as a sad surprise how flat you wrote such a life changing thing as Farsights goal. I would have expected more from you with the rest that you have written

YES YES YES! Finally do you write the scene outside the Tesla Bar right! No bit guard that is afraid of his masculinity, or some cocky remarks that make him go in without a quick check. Sniffle my little Jonu have grown up :fluttercry:

Right here is there no comment at all about the overuse of water talismans in Fo:E story, nope not at all.

As a last little note. What is there with Farsight and hitting on almost any female creature he sees? Not only griffins have to lock up their dauthers, but also ponyfolk! And I must say he have to stop it! It is Luckys job to hit on anything that moves, not Farsight. I know that Lucky Sevens is so awesome that you want to write a character like him :derpytongue2:

Nitpicks:
"The tales of his ruthlessness and aggressiveness span across all Neighvada" Span is used wrong here, it should be in present tense.

"I felt anger boil up in me as I looked at my captor." I don´t think that the up is needed here

"So this was it" Your this is not in past tense

"and I could swear that already I had two broken ribs and several chipped teeth" I think that you want to switch your I and already here

"looking at them in the eyes" I think you want to erase your at here.

"I felt her envelope me with magic and carefully lift me from my position" You need another word than envelope here, unless she is going to post him :derpytongue2:

"you had better forgetting her" This sentence is rather clunky, maybe say "It would be best for you to forget her" or something different, there is at least one tense mistake in the original one.

"other couriers will understand they can play smart with us and that they won’t be punished for their actions" I think understand is wrong here, maybe use think instead.

"However, there was few to be done about it" I think that you are missing a word here.

"with a considerable security" I would use some here instead of .



Oh and first post bitches!

1794686 Thanks for the review. Glad you liked the radio intros. Just some notes on your review:

- The first part of the chapter is Farsight coming back from having been knocked out. It's reasonable to have him tracking back his actions to remember where he was.
- Mister Black will be developed, don't worry. This is just a foreshadowing of the character, with, yes, a bit of comic relief. The rest of the story is dark and serious enough. I hope you'll like him better later.
- The nudge to FoE is something I want to bring forth every now and then. I don't want it to be too obvious, so I make it short and concise.
- About Farsight's change of goal, well, I don't think it's that much of a revelation. Besides, as he's a cold and rational buck, he's not too prone to big reactions. Besides, as always, it will be developed.
- Farsight is a natural born seductor, Doom. Don't try to stop him. At least he's straight. Don't make him go bi.

Fine! Farsight is straight... But I challenge you to now make him sleep with all the races there is in Fo:E!

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