• Member Since 27th May, 2012
  • offline last seen May 6th


I've written a few FoE fics, mostly to please myself and others and to practice my craft as a writer. Now for 4th-wall breaking. "Greetings! I am Delvius, chronicler of Roam and friend to Goldwreath."


Forced by circumstance to leave his home, Goldwreath is thrust into a life full of perils and tragedies the like of which he has not asked for -- after all, he'd simply wanted to spare his people from suffering. Now he faces entities of power far beyond anything he can imagine as the war-born and barbaric tribes sweeping the empire. He must gather his wits and put his training to use if he is to save the city of the sacred Seven Hills from the forces seeking its destruction. His enemies are tough, and he will be hard pressed just to stay alive, but no matter how hard the path he will do his duty down to his last breath. This is his mission. This is his duty.

Chapters (20)
Comments ( 230 )

Not trying to start anything; i'm numb to this point in regards towards fo: e, but for your fallout logo in the cover pic... you do know there is a fallout font for download, right?
...unless you want it the way you currently have for whatever reason.

"Overseer Oblique" if you're interested.

So is this a redo or something?

3200217 Oh yes, thank you for this. Yes, I did know of it, but then again I wanted mine to have some uniqueness -- being set in a zebrafied Rome -- in that it uses a different font.

3200413 Ave, imperator! :pinkiehappy:

3201583 Why yes, yes it is. :twilightsmile:

3201923 What inspired the rewrite? I thought the first was quite good; but I'm looking forward to seeing how new Goldwreath does on his misadventures

These would work well embedded at key points in the text at key points, as opposed to a non-explanatory preface that readers have to refer back to whenever a major scene changes.

The difference is that the copies tend to be better that the originals.

You mean like this reboot? :twilightsheepish:

I have to say this expository intro hook (in the clean up) is a heck of a lot cleaner than the previous version's cold-start hook (in the chaos).

That italicized introdution (which you seem to have taken [almost] word-for-word from New Roam) shows its age (It feels a bit clunky). As a start, I suggest combing over it for proper verb tenses

from barbarians we rose, and to barbarians we return

should be

from barbarians we rose, and to barbarians we returned (or better yet, descended)

3202407 Er... what?

And yes, it is cleaner (literally) than the intro-hook of the first. Also, yes I'll get on polishing that intro.

Thanks for the feedback!

It was Thursday, and the afternoon was growing.

Growing... old? Late? Mature? On?

Except some of us he felt that Marediolanon needed to be patrolled.

Missing punctuation to divide the sentence?

I have to say, if you're making him as "Roam, honour, and glory"-happy as he was before, this definitely makes more sense. (remember my old comments when I thought his armour was possessed?) Interesting start, no murder-mystery this time, just pulling rank and aggressive negotiations. :)

3202619 Well, like I said, his backstory would be different. Personally, are you in favor of it? I'd like to know.

3202698 Overall, yeah I'm in favour of how it's going so far. I haven't exactly seen what it builds to, but it makes more sense given how much combat he's likely to see later.

I'm so tired of the Fallout Pony Concept. aren't you? Glance at the crossover section, you'll find like six stories like this in every page.

Uh, hate to be "that guy", but this story could get you in serious trouble.

Don't post
The same story twice.
Rewrites of an old story posted as a new story. You are free to edit your existing story, but you may not post it as a new submission.

~Story submission guidelines

The pre-readers probably just didn't realise this was a rewrite.

I'm not gonna report you for this, but that doesn't mean someone else won't :twilightoops:

3210084 Well, he didn't copy and paste this. It's the concept that's being over-used. It's like Human in Equs or something. I just want something new,

No, I'm not talking to you. I don't care if you think FO:E side-stories are over-done.

This story is a rewrite of his previous, originally called Fallout Equestria : New Roam, which is against the site rules and could get him in proper trouble. I'm warning him that this could end badly for him if someone decides to be a dick and report it.

3210084 Oh, yes, I see... :twilightoops:

Ah well, no harm done I suppose. Besides, people'll are more familiar of Tales of a Courier Reloaded, and it's still up.

3210713 You did? Huh... I did not know that...


A typo in the title of all places? I don't even know what to say to that. Just... How?

Grammatical mishap aside, you've accomplished the one thing all good intros should with this chapter: you've piqued my interest and left me wanting more. Not all intros manage that, but this one certainly does.

3219026 Oh, that's good! I'm glad to know I haven't lost all of my ability to influence interest! :pinkiesmile:

Also... where is that grammatical mishap? :rainbowhuh: I can't seem to find it... :rainbowderp:

EDIT: Never mind, I found it. :twilightsheepish:

What will happen to the old story? Will it still be continued or disbanded in favor of this one?



Alright, well, first I've got say this is a much superior opening chapter than the one from the original. Not that I found the original's start to be bad (wouldn't have stuck with the story for so long if I had), but with this version you do a damn fine job several key things: 1) You bring Goldwreath's personality into sharper focus and establish a lot of solid and key traits that make him far more distinctive here in this first chapter that he didn't really develop until far later in the original. 2) You make his home far more engaging, interesting,and unique here. You really feel the Roam culture here, and it works perfectly for the setting. 3) Having Goldwreath's home attacked by the Roaman Legion is a much better reason for the place to open up and to precede Goldwreath's sojourn to the surface than the random murder mystery. Again it brings in cultural and story elements that make it feel uniquely New Roam, as opposed to just another FoE side story.

So kudos on this opening chapter. I'll admit, I was a little ambivalent about the idea of you doing a rewrite. I really enjoy New Roam and want to see the story finish, and redoing it from scratch like this, well, I would very much like to see more new plot progress. However, at least part of my concern is laid to rest seeing just how well this opening bit has turned out and I'm much looking forward to seeing what you'll do with things from here.

3222246 Ah, such concern is understandable, as is the desire for the old story to finish. I myself would have loved to finish it, but the thing was that I may have been too... eager with ideas. I thrust out everything that came into my head and placed it into the story. All most of it did was create loose ends that I had to stress myself with trying to tie up. This time the story will be more focused, with several previously 'important' things removed in lieu of more quickly consolidating the plot.

And thank you! I was worried about possible feedback to this start, so some of my concerns have also been laid to rest knowing I have such people as you ready to give some feedback.

Alright I really liked this opening, I love the greater emphasis placed on the Roamanesque culture within Marediolanon. It lends credence to Goldwreath's Roamaphilic infatuation and it certainly felt more as if it were his beloved home, as opposed to the tediousness he originally lived under. Will this change Goldwreaths negative attitude for himself at all?

I must however question why the facility would look down on Summer Sands for his preference of Venus. Cult worship was very prevalent in ancient Rome (and elsewhere), are things a little different in this story and at this point in time?

As bad as it sounds I actually like the occasional hints at racial tension between ponies and zebras throughout the chapter, its very realistic given it was their war that lead to all the ruin. I would only imagine for it to be much worse out in the wasteland.

Goldwreath serving as a guard makes much more sense as well, it gives his physical conditioning, sense of duty and tactical understanding allot more plausibility I think. its also nice to see his family yet alive, but I can't help but wonder for how long...

I'm curious as to why Thanus thought it a good idea to bring down the only thing protecting the inhabitants of Marediolanon from the wasteland, particularly if his troops initially meant no harm, does the fool have no sense of what constitutes hostile actions and not? Conversely it was foolish of the garrison to attack those who spoke friendly to them at first. Do they not speak Latin or was it just heat of the moment and fear that caused that lopsided battle in the first place? Misunderstandings causing bloodshed is not uncommon, sadly.

As always I'm eager to see how things play out next. And I'm very curious how these different circumstances will bring the characters together.

3296058 Ah, Jimperator! Come, take a seat, I have much to discuss.

A.) Oh yes, it will change him quite a bit from who he is in the original iteration of the story. Not TOO much, though.

B.) Here in my story, while all the godsare valued, Jupiter is seen as THE supreme god of Roam. If all the other gods died, somehow, they could live off of being monolithic to him. Anyways, you'll understand why later on.

C.) Amd yes, the escalated racial tensions was something I added intentionally. I decided it was more realistic that way, you know?

D.) Thanus, as you will later learn in greater depth, had expected Marediolanon to be... how to say... welcoming. For reasons that will be explained. Also, the doors of Marediolanon, much like the Fo3 door, would never ever be opened by the inhabitants. Per instructions from praetor down to praetor. Thus the Legion had to bring it down, and were expecting a welcome. But, well...

E.) And yes, guard GW! I decided to give his eventual progression into the GW we ow by in the first place giving him some development down that path.

Thanksfor taking the time to write such helpful feedback!:twilightsmile:

Sir, the malicious content in which your story is compromised offends me dearly. Will you please see to it that you scrap your putrid pile of pagonias that is your "story" and leave us fine folks at peace and rest? Thank you and have a good morrow.

-Reginald Hostle Plunderbottom III esquire


3304518 Hah, oh does it? Well my good sir, I'd ask for your proper opinion on things before I'd ever even consider that. Also, your grammar in that single comment alone is wrong in quite a few places.

3306430 I beg your pardon? My grammar is in fact top class, my fellow. But to the point; your work is offensive, of bad taste and writing, and a scar on the back of literature. I push for it's immediate removal.

-Reginald Hostle Plunderbottom III esquire :trixieshiftright:

3307635 no one listen to this snob

3322193 I'm glad someone agrees with me! :pinkiehappy:

I rarely comment, but I wanted to say a few things here and there because I'm one of those people who likes to write/annotate his books, so I'll just note a few of these here. Some of these don't exactly follow an order or too much sense, just my thoughts as I go alone. I might rant. Dunno. We'll see where it goes.

So, I must ask first and foremost: which Latin are we going by? Church or Classical? It does significantly change how works are pronounced. If you're going with Church Latin, I will be the sadness at thee. (Hint for those readers who know not the difference: Church Latin's consonant V goes V like Vegie, whereas Classical Latin's consonant V was like the W in Way.)

One thing I always found odd about Fallout Equestria zebra speaking Latin was that since about 25% of English (thus Equestrian) is derived from [Church] Latin, and another 25% comes from French (thus mostly from Latin), I found that just sort of made no linguistic sense that the zebras spoke Latin natively, especially not when French exists in-show and it's suggest that so too does Italian (Cadance's name is Italian, Mi Amore Cadenza).
Headcanon says: Latin is not the Zebra's native language. Rather, they revived the dead language of some ancient empire, mayhap brought to them by foreign books or something. Ancient missionaries whose religion failed by language survived? I dunno. This headcanon lets me deal with Latin and not suddenly because really ticked off by tiny, minor things that don't matter. Any thoughts, or am I just a nutjob?

Horus was the oldest of us -- served under three <...>

This is just me, but I'd use an em-dash instead of this. Were it I who wrote this, I'd've phrase it more like:

Horus was the oldest of us—served under three <...>

No spaces between dash and words, as well.

Hah!" I laughed, then sniffled and shook my head, "Not a chance. You know very well he'll only ever let anyone off if they're sick. Even then he'll not let them rest unless...?"

You know, I don't think that comma after "head" is grammatically correct at all. Assuming that narrative blurb was him laughing "Hah!", this would be a comma splice. But it weren't, they what you have here is non-dialog attributed to dialog. That is, this sentence structure implies that the act of shaking his head protected the sentence of dialog, since you punctuated it as if 'twere dialog. Putting a period here would solve everything.

"'... unless Pluto's hand itself is hovering over their head, ready to take their soul'," he rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes, I know how strict and fervent he is about doing duty."

Same problem with narrative. It implies that rolling his eyes produced the sentence. Like Morse Code or something.
Further, while I'll accept that Hand here is a metaphor or something, I don't think you should have that unless be capitalized. Really, I'd take out that dot-dot-dot thing because it's odd here. Also, this sentence starts with two quotation marks. Delete one, because otherwise you're being silly.

tapping into his faith to the Roaman deities

The using preposition is "faith in", not "faith to".
Also, nooooes! Pagan gods! Imperator Constantine, help me out here! Oh God, no—paaagans! [Me just being silly]

*** Roama Victrix ***

This just makes me think of Sabaton's "Primo Victoria" from their album of same name.
~Through the gates of hell
As we make our way to heaven
Through the Nazi lines
Primo Victoria!~

And as we were leaving

Comma after leaving, maybe? Please? I beg?

"What the fuck Goldwreath?"

Comma before Goldwreath's name because he's being addressed and you cannot skimp on commas by use of the Latin Vocative case, please?

Ah, shut up birthday colt

Same thing after up, mayhap?


:Does double take:
Wait. This guy has a K in his name? That's not proper Latin at all! :Melts in terror of the K in a Latin context:

The shape of it nearly stopped me dead -- it looked exactly like Horus; same helmet, with a cape that fluttered in the foreign breeze.

[In hindsight] Awww, I was so hoping this guess would be wearing purple colors and speak Latin and Greek, the later being his first language. Because he'd by an Eastern Roaman, not the standard Roaman. And also he regards the pagans gods as heresy. I demand that this story include Byzantine Roamans! :Demands go unheeded. Am sad pony:
This has nothing to do with the fact that I think I might be an Eastern Roman/Byzantine fanboy far more than I am a Roman fanboy.
...what? It's true. I'm sorry, but you just get so attached to them after playing Europa Universalis III and, later, Europa Universalis IV: you start on the Empire's last legs, and it's so rewarding and attaching as you fight against the odds and end up restoring Rome to her properly glory. Also, Byzantine Purple is a sexier color than Roman Red, yo. This is a fact.
Actually, I think I first came to love the Eastern Roman Empire when I read the phenomenally excellent after action report (a fanfic this is, really) known as I Am Skantarios. Find it here. How can you not love Skantarios more than Caesar as Skantarios rebuilds the Empire from 1450, proves himself the greatest commander ever, and goes on a genocidal campaign against Islam because of what they do to his Father (he shoves the ashes of the Prophet Mohammed into a friggin' pig at one point later on just to anger the last, most powerful army of Islam out of their mountain fortress to attack him, where he knows he'll win).
I get the feeling you might appreciate that story. Mayhap you'll read it. Who can say.
Some badass commander Roaman pony named Skantarios Laskaris must exist somewhere in your story. I doubt he will—but I can dream, dammit!

Si tu es Roamae amic-...

I do believe that tu should be a vos or something. Tu is singular informal (like thou), and it can only be used when speaking mano-a-mano informally, not to a group.
Also, I'd make that "-..." into just an em-dash, the — (alt+0151 on the keyboard). It's what you're looking for here. Really, all your instances of "-..." and " -- " should be em-dashes, — .

Entry #1

Custodes Civile...

This whole ending entry whatnot, I think, should go into the Author's Notes section, which is a neat little thing, ain't it?

Anyways, them's basically just my annotations posted here because I thought maybe you'd get some amusement from them. I have no idea if I'll even be here for the next chapter; I'm remarkably lazy at reading. Lemme know if you'd even care for another one of these comment types or if you just really dislike 'em.

Auf wiederseh'n und dankeschöne, mein Herr!

3336538 Well, I'm actually quite flattered that you took the time to do all this; also, I do appreciate and admire the effort! And quite certainly, yes, I would like another such comment!

Now, to address some of the things you said above. First off, I understand writing is heavily based in english. And I also know that by proper english standards much of the things I wrote above -- both in the story and out of the story -- are wrong. But you see, beyond being based in technicalities, story writing prioritizes understandability, pacing, and characterization. Therefore I can twist --- perhaps entirely ignore and not care for (which is the case, believe me) for the technicalities.

As for the Latin, I sadly don't really know proper Latin. Hell, I just use google translate. The reason why I use the language is simply because it's the zebras' language in my story. The latin here is classical.

Ah yes, the zebras! I'm not sure if you're familiar with FoE canon lore, but I'm basically creating my own lore -- as it is mostly unexplored in the canon -- for the zebras. Here, they were the Roaman empire. Through medeival and renaissance ages, they survived. Now they are the superpower of the world, brought down to ashes by megaspells like with all other nations. They speak Latin, not byzantine, and their culture is almost a total copy-paste of Roman, in almost very sense.

And really, I just admire the Romans. That's why I'm making a whole story revolving around a parody of them.

Heh, nice Hunger Games reference. I do like this version of assimilation better; rather than some murder that is never revisited, we have Goldie making a heroic sacrifice to protect his people.
I wonder if the color of the stars will come into play; just what could they be referring to...:scootangel:

Well, there goes whatever thoughts come to mind.

Aw, Titanius. I was hoping that the last Caesar's name would have been "Flavius", a little reference to the first name of Constantine and those decedent from him who ruled the Eastern Roman Empire. Unless this was a joke, because "titanius" looks kinda like "Titanus/Tight Anus", a name from a web cartoon, Doraleous and Associates

I just realized something. You simply must describe the way in which the Roamans salute. You know, the one that we now associate with Nazis. It was their salute, the Roman's, and the Nazis ruined it. So you've got to reclaim this symbol that the Nazis ruined.

With him was a handful of his own elite guards; they looked uncannily similar to the purple-caped legionaries guarding the foreign legatus.

Yush! Purple, the Byzantine color! All hail to Constantinople, Queen of Cities!

But I'd already said it; there was only going forward, now. "I-I volunteer as tribute to the... to the Imperial Roaman Legion."

At this I paused. Hadn't someone said something like this?

And I know our Goldwreath; he'll put himself up front as tribute if it meant saving people.

And I thought, Huh. That was actually well-foreshadowed in a way in which I totally dismissed as just being words but was actually an entirely factual statement, though mayhap a self-fulling prophecy of sorts. Me likey.

Now," he turned his attention to everyone else, "Goldwreath hear has given of himself.

:Twitch: First of all, spelling error. Second of all, ye cannot use commas to show action interrupting dialog. You just can't. Neither of these two commas should exist. It should be written as

Now—" he turned his attention to everyone else "—Goldwreath here has given of himself.

Just... just... grammar is kind of important, okay? Just... ugh. Grammar is utterly integral to everything. And opinion that "story writing prioritizes understandability, pacing, and characterization" literally doesn't make a lick of sense. It's like saying "yeast takes priority over eggs and flour when baking a cake." Well, yes, you need yeast, and yeast is what makes it all cake-y, but without any of the rest, all you have is a weird pile of bacteria that may or may not infect your vagina. So, please, at least take my words that "all of these are equally important for the finished product" into consideration. [Do you know how hard it is for me to not note every tiny spelling mistake or grammatical mishap herein thy story?]
[Now that I sit here, I think I might have completely misunderstood that line entirely, that you were referring to odd Latin grammar, not bits and errors in English that you didn't care about, and so I looked like an ass. Eh. I'll keep it up because ponies. And all you'll ever need to know in Latin are these handy phrases: Handy Latin Phrases. Goldwreath must quote at least some of these. I'm glad my Latin is tolerable enough that I can sort of grasp meanings of basic written sentences, though I couldn't read or write it myself. I can do that with some Greek, though, and I can speak some Spanish and German too. When I need to drop some Latin, I'll spend hours coming over a Latin dictionary and then learning how to properly decline the world, like I do for German.]

I'm still holding out that the current Roaman Emperor is Skantarios Laskaris, and he is a totally unrepentant badass and God of war, terror of his enemies, and hero of his people? So much hope, so much hope. But, seriously, you should read I Am Skantarios. Please? For me and Rome?

In any case, this turned out better than expected (which is not a slant against you). I found myself rather liking Thanus or whatever his name was. Came off as a pretty cool guy who doesn't afraid of anything. Seriously, you very effectively characterized him in a way that didn't make me dislike him, think he was comically evil, or anything; he was just a guy trying to do his job, a job that had hit a snag. I could easily believe that this was his (or the legion's) 50th stable and that he'd been in such situations before. I was legitimately interested in what was going on and wanted to find out, so you had my attention better than many.
How Goldwreath solves this all actually came as a surprise, yet we were literally told he'd do just that, which boasts wonders for his character. I ain't read your older version of the story—though I've seen it, looked at, contemplated reading, then realized that I hate way too giant chapters—and I feel that this chapter's length is good, keeps attention, doesn't drag on, and doesn't take too much time to get through, which serves well to accentuate the other nice parts of this chapter.
All in all, this was a pleasant chapter, and I suppose I must reciprocate such nice writing with a favorite, an act I haven't done in... nearly a year? I'm looking forwards to what you're doing here, whatever-your-name is. [Looks up] "...from you, Devlii." (Delvii: Second declension, vocative case of Delvius)

... but seriously, your grammar does sometimes leave room for want, mostly in just a lack of em-dashes where they are called for and attributing dialog to non-dialog verbs...

3337989 Alright, alright. Listen, I understand that much of what I do here isn't standard for english. Like the em-dash and all that. It's just the way I was brought up as I started writing, okay? My teachers enforced it and all that; I guess it's been grounded in me. I could correct it with time, I suppose.

As for things like:

Now," he turned his attention to everyone else, "Goldwreath here has given of himself.

- I'm not sure if it's wrong, but several stories I've read across different authors has this occur. Supposedly the logic behind it is that they are saying things as they doing them. So there, for example, Thanus was saying "Now," as he turned his attention to the crowd, and the "Goldwreath here..." is just a continuation of what he was saying as he did so.

Also, purple is the color of the elite of Roman society -- the emperors, high senators, praetorians. You don't much know Roman culture in that regard, do you? Also, I am going for a Roman feel, not a Byzantine one. Remember, this is a parody where Rome never fell, hence it also never split into two. Therefore, only Rome exists.

3337777 Heh, I was wondering if anyone would notice that HG reference. Glad someone did notice it. :twilightsmile:

Anyways! Yes, I personally believe it is better than the previous story's version of him going outside. But then that is the purpose of a rewrite, is it not?

Well, thanks for the comment! I sure do love feedback. Is there anything else you can say about it?


The em-dash is the only allowed punctuation when you interrupt dialog with action. There are two forms.
"Words—" as he X's "—words." This refers to an action that does on as the person speaks

"Words"—he stopped, looking at X—"Words." This refers to an action that makes the dialog stop, but wherein the dialog does resumed. This version is the one wherewith many folk use "Words..." stuff "...words" with, because it's more of a true pause.
These are the forms as recognized by any reputable school (style) of writing. I'm just noting it because I honestly believe that great grammar just spit-polishes a great story into a shining great story.

Also, purple is the color of the elite of Roman society -- the emperors, high senators, praetorians. You don't much know Roman culture in that regard, do you? Also, I am going for a Roman feel, not a Byzantine one. Remember, this is a parody where Rome never fell, hence it also never split into two. Therefore, only Rome exists.

I'm aware that purple is the roman color that became the royal color. It's just that most folks associate red with the color of the legion due to gens julia, Caesar's family. That's why on most modern maps, the Roman Empire was red (such as on your profile), whereas the Byzantines were purple.
My understanding of Roman culture is acceptable: I get most of the high and low points. My best time learning of Rome was reading about the graffiti that Romans wrote on the walls of the city of Pompeii. (Seriously, they wrote graffiti) . Read about it here. It's pretty much the best thing ever. Here's an expert, in case you haven't read any of it.

(Bar/Brothel of Innulus and Papilio); 3932: Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!


(Gladiator barracks); 8792: On April 19th, I made bread.

The Romans were so wondrous, eh?

But see, I just like noting this whole Byzantine thing not because I don't understand that this is a homage to Rome (not a parody; parody is a comedy making-fun-of-thing), but because that I totally love Byzantium. That's why I'll tell you straight to your face that the Roman Empire fell on Tuesday, 29 May 1453, when Mehmed II conquered Constantinople. So I consider them all Romans, even if the later part of the empire was technically Greek. Whatever language they spoke, they kept up the same traditions for a good most part: it was a more chaste Rome with Greek flavor, whom the Romans had already ripped off from because the Greeks had some neat ideas that suited the then-Republic.
Also, the Byzantines had flamethrowers (Siphonatores with their Greek Fire). And I don't know about you, but I sort of prefer my Roman Legion to have flamethrowers and horse-mounted archers, as only the eastern half of the empire had.
So I'm gonna keep bringing them up because Vive la Constantinople!—and stuff.

Also also, I don't know who they yellowish mare in the cover art is, but I already like her. She looks adorable, and that look on her face tells me that she's totally going to be quick-witted, clever, savvy, and snarky with a great sense of sarcastic humor, and she's going to be awesome.

3340659 You love Byzantium. Wonderful. But I shall stick to Western Rome simply because I believe they are the prime incarnation of Roman culture -- NOT the Byzantines. I hope I make myself clear.

As for the grammar part, the technicalities and all that, like I said before: I really... really couldn't care less. My philosophy is that so long as people understand it -- and by people I mean the vast majority -- then it is good. Formal writing, I find boring.

So yes, I've considered what you've said about the grammar and all that. But I shall still stick with my current manner of writing because it's my style, and I've grown upon it.

Also, this is a parody. I've made the Romans here as the Roamans, a slightly more humorous and eccentric bunch.

And I'll tell you one more thing. I view Rome as the empire, composing both the eastern and western worlds. When that definition no longer holds true, then Rome ceases to exist. That is all.

And yes, the pegasus will be all of that... and more.

I feel as though we're getting off on the wrong foot. My tone is playful assessment with an air of (hopefully) helpfulness, nothing condescending or insulting. I don't mean to insult or bother you. I was sort of speaking of Byzantium in a pleasant, reminiscent sort of manner that I had expected you to counter with your own pleasant reminiscences of old Rome proper, not to bother you.
I understand you 100% and have never misunderstood you regarding that this is the classical Rome, just that I'm going to keep bringing up the Eastern Empire because I like it, not because I am confused or sommat. I don't expect the Eastern Empire to show up here at all, no I do not. It was just my little joke to note that sort of thing, and I'm probably still going to do it.
Well, if not a homage, then you've got an "affectionate parody", meaning here a sort of parody that exits to show off just how awesome the original thing was, and I'm fine with that.
I still vehemently disagree with you on your opinion of grammar, but suum cuique. There's still more good in this than bad by far, so the grammar thing was just something that irked me in an otherwise fantastic little story's start. Please don't misunderstand that.

So if I have offended or annoyed you in any way, than I would like to formally apologize. :Holds out hand: Put 'er there, friend?

And I look forward to that mare who is apparently a pegasus. She looks to be fun, just from what I can tell in the picture. Seriously, I just love the facial expression. So cute~!

3340721 No, the apologies are mine to give. See, I love Rome. That is, the classical Western Rome. It was part of their attitude to hold sway and not to be swayed or contended with, and though I've tried to model myself after a good Roman, I fear I may have also unintentionally picked up some negatives. That is, I have this heated disdain for anything that is pressed that I do not agree with.

So if nothing else, I was bothered simply because of that. I understand your intentions were to help, which I have acknowledged. I guess it's just the rapid repetition of the same thing across such as short amount of time got to me, you know? Especially with the grammar!

But ah well, people are different like that. *shakes hand* Yes, let us put our differences aside, and I shall do my best to control myself from now on.

3340749 3340721

Awww, you guys are adorable :pinkiesad2: No but seriously, it's great that you worked things out. You guys have such different styles that the clash was inevitable.

This is one thing I love about watching other people converse- different interactions can bring out facets of personality that I was previously unable to perceive (due to personal biases). No, I'm not creepy at all. :pinkiecrazy: Stop looking at me like that. :ajbemused:

In addition, I now finally understand why Goldwreath's inclination to Roman ideals felt so foreign to me. I interact with so few strongly held religions that it's a bit of a culture shock to run into Gold's Rome hero worship/religion/nationalism. On a tangential note, I hope that Orator thing ended up going well for you, Del.

Free history lessons are their own reward (seriously, my knowledge of Rome has been increased exponentially just by reading this rapport) and it seems that the ancient words also have much wisdom to impart.

VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1882: The one who buggers a fire burns his penis

Wow, no kidding guy. Glad I never got around to try that. I have to wonder, though, if Jericho will have to find out personally, given his obsession with the Sun Mistress.

The grammar lesson was also appreciated. Apparently I've be writing dialogue wrong my whole life! :fluttershbad:

So as to make this post actually relevant to the chapter, I have to say that on a whole I liked it, and have a bit of an appreciation for some of the foreshadowing being set up.

He turned and looked to me, eyes glowing softly with blue.


"Come now, Goldwreath," he chuckled, not sounding... quite like himself, "You have a life ahead of you. A life not... quite what you are used to."

Right off the bat, huh? Well, this should be interesting.

3345320 Ah, it is good that we made up, yes. Men should not let differences push them apart. And thanks for the support for my yet-to-come contest, dude! I really appreciate it.

And foreshadowing? :rainbowhuh: What foreshadowing? I'm not implying anything in there.... not at all...

Interesting second chapter! :pinkiehappy: I'm still unsure if it's a great new adventure ahead for him, or if he's out of the frying pan and into the fire! I don't know if it's just the propensity of other fallout fic's to make me second guess everything, but with the tension that high, I was so sure something was going to go horribly horribly wrong! :pinkiecrazy: But, no turning back now! I look forward to the next chapter eagerly!

Wrote yourself into a corner with the other one, eh?

I guess I'll have to read this one then.

3363996 Yes, there is quite a great adventure awaiting him! One just as grand as the one he'd have faced in that other parallel universe.

3369011 No, I didn't write myself into a corner... I wrote myself into a path leading to a corner. Plus I felt like much of the things I did were wrong. Here, I hope to correct them.

3371216 Oh please, this isn't even the Roman empire at it's greatest extent. Britain would be red, and so would the eastern desserts.

And thanks! I sure would appreciate you telling me what you liked/disliked/found intriguing in this chapter.

Yeah, I kinda saw the corner coming up as well, but I thought you might have a way of avoiding it.

On that note, I hadn't quite caught up to the point you had written (was 2 or 3 chappies behind) so I'm not sure how impending that corner may have been.

Okay, I just read over those two statements and realized they didn't make much sense. Meh. :unsuresweetie:

3374538 Oh, they make sense, believe me. I'll not run myself near that corner again.

Also, any feedback on this new version of the story would go a long way to helping me achieve that goal.

Alright, took me a bit of time to get around to this, but it was well worth getting to. I'm still a little sad at the notion of not seeing the older story conclude, but at least this new one continues to create a strong and more coherent beginning. It's interesting to see how different this situation is panning out, with Goldwreath's exit from his home being an intentional sacrifice of personal freedom in order to bring some stability to an otherwise volatile situation. I find myself sympathizing with both parties here, and appreciate that, even as an antagonistic force, the Legion shows a great deal of restraint in its actions. Goldwreath offering up to join the Legion is certainly a different set up than what we had before, and his character is more distinct here. I also appreciate getting to see his parents and seeing some interactions between Goldwreath and them. His home feels more like something he should want to fight for and protect, even in service of those who've invaded it, and in general I like how he's trying to balance the emotions of having his home occupied versus' trying to be levelheaded and rational under the circumstances.

Now, seeing as how different Goldwreath's origins are here, I'm doubly interested to see how the characters from the old story come into play. This may have identifiable trappings of the old story, but the set up is so different it really does feel fresh; so it makes me wonder, how will Myst, Skyfire, Doodle, and Predator get involved in things? Goldwreath did a lot of stumbling around in the early chapters of the old story, sort of just wandering around looking for purpose, but here he's now part of a military, a recruit, and logically will have a lot less freedom in where he goes or what he does. So how he comes across his party and how they become a group is really up in the air, if it even happens at all. I'm pretty keen to see how this develops.

Carry on, good man.

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