Fallout : Equestria - New Roam Innovatus

by Delvius

Chapter IV - Impulse

Chapter IV
Impulse
"The Road goes ever on and on, down from the door where it began. Now far ahead the Road has gone, and I must follow, if I can, pursuing it with weary feet, until it joins some larger way where many paths and errands meet. And whither then? I cannot say."

Ah, this juncture. Even now, my feelings for what happened that day are... mixed. On the one hoof, the Legion's victory ensured the safety of myself and my people. It also marked the success of what was, essentially, a collaboration between me and Thanus -- sure, Marediolanon's subsequent acceptance of the legionaries was not completely assured, but the blow to any skeptic's doubt of the Legion's ability was tremendous. The battle proved that the Legion wasn't messing around, and stood true to their goals.

But then, of course, there were the repercussions and the... the sheer cost of lives with which the battle had taken. I didn't know just yet what the Legion had done to warrant such an assault in the first place -- all I knew was that, since they were at war, they had many enemies, and that those who'd attacked must have formed the bulk of Apollania's resistance; I simply could not imagine more fighters remaining in the urban environment of the city. I could only speculate: Perhaps it served both the Legion's agenda, to defeat their enemies and win Marediolanian support? Whatever the case, the city couldn't have been able to fight much more, not with a blow like that. Not with thousands of fighters killed on the slopes of a mountain. What would happen, then? To the city? To the families of the fighters, if they yet lived? And what would happen to the region of Apollania as whole, of which Marediolanon was a part?

I was anxious, really. Very, very anxious. Uncertainty breeds fear, and I was uncertain of what would happen next. A force willing to engage in such brutal killing (but necessary killing, an insidious part of me thought) was one to be feared, no matter the force's allegiance. The Legion had my fate and that of my whole people in their hooves. I could only pray that my support and Marediolanon's hopefully subsequent acceptance would earn us the favor of legate Thanus, currently the most powerful person I knew.

It was strange. I was feeling all these anxieties and doubts within darkness -- and I remembered how I'd come into that void. I'd passed out. Yes, I did... the smell and the sights and the withdrawal of adrenaline left me on the ground, limp. But I wasn't supposed to be able to feel or think when unconscious. What was happening?

Well, you're knocked out is all I can say, a voice in the void said, gentle and with an enthusiasm that suggested it said all things with amusement. But you know that already, so why even say it, right? the voice chuckled.

I didn't say anything, not exactly. But I was aware of everything going on. I thought, and somehow the voice understood what I was thinking.

'What the fuck is going on?’ the voice said in impersonation of me. Why, you're passed out, of course! Having a lucid dream. Talking to voices. And, with time, you will talk to more... though some are different, more... erratic. Oh, and another thought? 'Voices? Who are you?' Ah! I am you! And the many to talk to you soon will also be you -- all different aspects of who you are. Hm? 'I'm confused as hell...?' Ah, I suppose. First time you've had a dream like this. First time I had a dream like this, too! For our sake, I'll make it so that you don't remember this dream at all. Not until later, at least. When? That's for... other factors to decide.

Until then, I shall be with you in your head! Do keep it intact; I like it in here. Ah, yes, what was that... oh, right. A message for you. Ahem! 'For when you get confused in your life to come, just follow your heart'. Heh, cliche advise, but you can't really go wrong that way, right? Just follow your feelings like an instruction manual. The purpose? Well... we actually don't know that yet. Like I said, it's for other factors to decide. Me, I say just follow it because I trust easily, just like you.

Oh, what's this? I feel myself fading away... ah, you're waking up. Good! It's time for you to peel those eyes open and step up. Look! Dawn is breaking in this void, and I shall return to the nerve tissue from which I came. Farewell! I shall speak to you again.

Now... what to do in this head? Gah, silly me, I can do anything! Perhaps I can look at all those memories he finds so embarrassing...

***Roama Victrix***

"... Goldwreath! C'mon on, dude. Wake up... wake up!"

I groaned, my eyes slowly opening to behold the silhouette of a pony, rimmed with light that pained me to look at. I blinked a few times, clearing my vision until the face of Summer Sands became visible, his features obscured in dark-grey shadow.

"There we go," he breathed, slumping his head a little and taking a deep breath of relief. Then he looked back at me, and gave my cheeks a little slap. "Come on. Get up off the dirt, dude. There's, uh..." He looked around for a second. "Well, there's lots of stuff going on. You with me?"

I blinked a few more times, the throbbing of my skull and the stiffness of my back receding slightly as I sat up, a hoof to my temples. The formerly-muted noise that suddenly bombarded my waking ears from all directions was like grenade in my head, sending waves of dull pain resonating through my skull. "What happened?" I muttered, wincing at the sting as I made contact with a lump on the side of my head. "I was standing up one moment, then the next... just black."

He grimaced, opening his mouth to speak, then deciding not to. He shrugged tiredly. "Well, you tell me. I was with a few of the others trying to fix the generator. Through the hole punched in the mountain we saw... shit, we saw all those hundreds and hundreds of... what, zebras? We saw lots of zebras, but they looked... wrong. Like monsters. Probably just what they were wearing, but... damn."

He looked around at the dirt for a moment, seemingly unable to continue. Then he glanced behind him at a blood-splattered crater; clearly, the assault's artillery had claimed some victims. The bleached yellow pony fought down a retch and sniffed. "Well, all I know is that we're still alive, and that's something. The Legion won, I guess. But I found you here like this. No one seemed to notice you much, 'cept for one of those purple-caped guys who passed by; he didn't seem to be able to help, though. Not while he was in formation like that. So I went over and... well." He shrugged again.

I sat for a few more moments, letting my aching head settle a bit. Then I made to stand, and Summer Sands helped me up. "Our people... are they okay? Some of them were out here..."

He nodded. "Yeah, all good. Most of 'em went back up the mountain first chance they got. Most, that is. A pony stayed behind to help out with the Legion’s wounded. Something about an oath to assist." He rolled his eyes. "Those medical types. Always helping, no matter what. Still... at least he's helping. I wouldn't wanna be in the place of one of these guys, bleeding out and having a limb hanging by a patch of skin... ugh..." He shuddered.

I furrowed my brows and smiled, rubbing my head. "Well, it's nice to hear we're helping each other out," I said in a dry, groggy tone. "I came out here to help broker a piece between our peoples. Glad to know I'm not the only one finally trying to build that bridge."

He pursed his lips in thought. "Yeah... I guess," he frowned, looking away. I looked at him with concern, and he waved a hoof dismissively. "Ah, later. Right now... well, I really don't know. Seeing all those wounded over there is making a part of me want to help somehow, but also makes another bit of me want to... well, throw up." He fought down another retch, and grimaced as a legionary screamed nearby. I dared a glance behind my friend and immediately regretted it; the soldier was having what was left of his leg cut off right there on the ground, the surgeon not slowing down his sawing as the other zebra screamed his lungs out. I managed to tear my eyes away before his whole flank was sown off, but my stomach rebelled either way.

We stood there in silence for a moment until the soldier was hauled off. Summer Sands gulped. "Like I said... yeah, makes me want to throw up. Poor bastard." He sighed and shook his head. "Well, I suppose I could just help you over somewhere to rest. Maybe back to Marediolanon? Some of us could sure use an explanation."

I weighed the options. With the threat over, and his plan a success, there was no doubt that Thanus -- wherever he was -- would soon reach for what he truly sought. That is, my people's cooperation. On the other hoof, attempting to explain things myself, with a lump jutting out of my skull, and having to deal with the inevitable deluge of questions would only compound the nervous energy sure to weigh down on me once I had all my people's attention. I didn't want to pass out again. Surely a word from me would calm many confused and panicking Marediolanians, but I just wasn't fit to bring word of what happened. I especially didn't want to risk saying anything that could jeopardize an already uncertain plan. After all, if our efforts failed then Thanus and I would both suffer the consequences. Me, the distrust of a people I only had the best intentions for; Thanus, the slow languishing of his forces.

"I... I think I need to rest first," I said honestly. "There's much to be done, yes, but I think we all need to slow down just a bit. The Legion's victorious, so..."

The Legion was victorious. The mere thought stopped me dead. My entire plan of brewing collaboration for the greater good of my people and of the legionaries depended entirely on the legitimacy and honesty of the Legion's goals. With this decisive victory, I wondered, would Thanus still need us? And if not, what would he make of us? Slaves? Conscripts? If Marediolanon as a whole remained obstinate, would he decide we weren't worth the pain of subduing and just kill us all and take the shelter by force?

Surely not. The legate had to be better than that -- the renewed Roaman government he spoke of had to be better than that. He seemed to be capable of mercy, perhaps even to the remnants of his enemies, if any still lived to receive it. Surely the region as a whole would soon benefit from the presence of the Legion. And surely, when the Roaman government reasserted itself, the empire could be reclaimed and made well again. In essence, what had just had happened was a step to the resurrection of Roam, which I could honestly say I was now willing to sacrifice so much to realize.

And yet I had my doubts. Some fickle part of me, perhaps the same part that had so easily convinced me to help the Legion in the first place, wondered if it was all just a ruse -- from Thanus' apparent good-willed sincerity, to Postulma's amiability. Perhaps I was just gullible and I'd just helped a really well-organized gang?

Surely... hopefully not.

"So...?" Summer Sands drawled, looking skeptical.

I shook my head and breathed for a moment. "So it means we're safe. For now. And in the quiet to come, I... I have a few things I need to tell you," I said, avoiding his questioning gaze. I couldn't take it, not the way I was feeling about things. His look was merely curious and concerned, yet it felt like his eyes were burning through me with a thousand different accusations.

"I will explain everything," I promised, knowing completely that once I told him everything, then the imagined disgust and hatred might well become reality. But I needed it off my chest. I needed someone I knew, and someone who knew me. Someone who could understand. I needed my best friend. "I've trusted you since we were foals... dude. We've confided in each other before, right? Because right now... I need to speak to someone I trust. And you have some questions of your own, don't you?"

He stared at me for a moment, and his gaze served only to make me more tense than I already was. I felt a tightness in my throat, a stiffness in my spine. I was paralyzed by his stare. And he just watched, until at last the cry of another legionary being painstakingly hoisted up onto a stretcher and rushed to the medical tent caught both our attentions. When he looked back to me, he was smiling crookedly, looking green and sickly.

"Yes, yes I do..." he swallowed. "Let's go, then. Anywhere but here's good," he chuckled mirthlessly, sickishly, then silenced. "Alright. As always, I get the sneak-peak of the exploits of Goldwreath. Yay..." he cheered falsely.

Despite his tone, I let off a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. I felt my doubts and ill feelings truly recede at his response, like a poisonous tide falling back. It was unlike the talk Thanus had with me, which had only made me feel more conflicted afterwards. "Thank you," I said, utterly sincere. Then I smirked, "Indeed. The first to hear of my exploits once again."

"Just like when you broke into the museum a few years back," he muttered.

"And when I fell from the upper floors and landed on the olive tree a week after..." I found myself saying. "... by accident, of course."

"And when you almost killed one of the old praetor Aulius' guards."

"The time I got lost in the ventilation system..."

He snorted, smiling and shaking his head. "Shit, thinking back on it now... you got into a lot of trouble. How the hell are you still alive with all the crazy crap you go through?"

I shrugged, taking a few tentative steps around the rim of the camp towards less... bloody areas. From there, I could enter the camp and return to my tent without encountering any injured. It's not that I had anything against them, I was just... still getting accustomed to the sight of blood. Summer Sands seemed to pick up on my reasoning and appeared to wholeheartedly agree with the direction we were going. "I don't know. Fortune favors the bold? I was an ecstatic youth back then; cut me some slack."

"Ecstatic?" he asked, looking incredulous. "I was ecstatic. You were reserved. Hell, you're one of the quietest people I know. Admittedly, that also kind of makes you one of the smartest... but ecstatic? No, I'd say 'boneheaded' is really more like it."

"Well... whatever," I replied. Yes, in my youth I'd been quite an obstinate colt. Once I set my mind to something, it was going to be done, no matter the circumstances. I did things even wild party-goers like Summer Sands never would, so long as there was a purpose in doing it. Most people appreciated my determination, others were... annoyed at the lengths I went to accomplish even the most meager goals. I'll admit, the many accidents that befell me in my pursuits were proof of the legitimacy of their concerns. But in the end, I succeeded. That was all that mattered.

"I honestly just do things, you know that. I think them through, sure, but in the end it's getting it done that matters." I took a deep breath and winced again as a throb shot into the lump on my head, but I kept trotting. "Kind of the reason I did all this, actually," I said. "My goal was to just make sure our two peoples could get along. Few may believe the Legion, but I think they have some truth on their side. Besides, if they're really the successors of the Roaman government, it's our obligation as Roamans to help. But we refused, and there lies the cause of our troubles right now. How much smoother would things have gone if we just believed?"

The question seemed to bother him quite a bit as we entered the main body of the camp. He paid the surrounding area a distracted attention, as if diverting himself from a deep trouble. "I guess a lot smoother," he finally replied. Then he stopped, eyes on the ground, and I ceased trotting as well.

He looked me in the eye. "Look, I wanna feel that what you're doing is all just another one of your crazy plans that always seem to work. I really do. And I also wanna believe that you just left us for good reasons, reasons good enough you couldn't have said proper goodbyes in case we never saw you again."

There was a strain in his voice I'd not heard from him before. Sure, I'd seen him cry. Get mad, yes. Even admit his deep crush to the mare of his affections (which did not go well, and lead to the instance I saw him cry). But none of those situations had infused his tone with the level of doubt and pain I heard right then.

He fixed me with a burning glare. "Seeing you out here, collaborating with these guys... what the fuck?" he growled. "How long's it been? A little less than a day! A little less than a day, and what I see is pretty much my best friend working with the shits that nearly killed our centurion! That killed two of our decanii and one of those in our controbernium! The same people that busted down our door like they owned the place; the same people who made us seem like the most worthless guards to exist!"

I stared, wide-eyed. Well, it wasn't the worst he'd gotten angry. No, that spot was reserved for the time he got drunk one Saturnalia. But this was different in that his anger was directed at me, and because he'd stabbed right at the vulnerable part of my mind still feeling skittish about being a traitor.

I stood firm, trying to look more certain of myself than I felt as I replied, "I get that. You're mad, confused. So am I with myself. Believe me." It was an honest reply. I looked to the side; thank goodness we'd stopped right in front of the flaps of my tent. I turned my attention back to him. "But that's why we're going to talk, alright? We always do when we have these fights. This shouldn't be different."

I gestured at the tent. "We can talk in there. No holding back, no hiding feelings. I'll say everything I feel, and then you can go. Deal?"

He let off a breath, his anger and frustration seemingly reduced by my remembrance of our years-long tradition of always talking out our few arguments. For him, it must have been a very solid sign that I wasn't as blatantly fickle as I may have come off as. "Sounds... sounds good. Yeah, let's do that. Please."

I nodded, then sighed. It was going to be a long talk. Part of me was terrified, but another part knew I needed this, just as much as he did. I believed we both needed to figure out exactly on who's side I was on. The Legion's? My people's? Or, as I liked to believe, on my own side? After all, I was doing all these things out of my own intuition for good.

Well, I supposed I'd find out soon enough. Together, we entered the tent.

***Roama Victrix***

It was a bit of a mess. I didn't know exactly what to expect once we sat down, wine in our hooves, and started talking. Maybe it was just that, the wine, but once I'd finished pouring my heart out onto the table, holding no emotion or doubt back, all Summer Sands seemed capable of doing was nod and look at the table. For a long minute after I'd said all of my piece, he remained silent. Occasionally, he'd take a sip from his cup, but that was about the only other thing he did. And all the while I thought, Wonderful, I've gotten him drunk.

But he was a guard of the centuria urbanae, which meant even he had some sense of indulgence discipline. He wasn't drunk, just extremely thoughtful, as proven by when he finally looked back up to me with a sober gaze and small smile.

"Well, that's all a big relief," he said.

"What is?"

He set the cup back down, seeming hesitant to do so. "Well, for one thing, the fact that you would've had, like, a few more weeks before actually being whisked off, if that would actually have happened," he replied. "See, when I saw you raise your hoof and volunteer back there, I really thought that was the end of it. I'd never see you again. Shit, imagine my surprise when I saw you tending to those that rushed outside to avoid the smoke. There you were, still alive... still here." He shook his head. "Bro, I wanted to thump you upside the head and bear-hug you at the same time, did you know that?"

"Well..." I drawled. "It wouldn't have been something for you to worry about if you'd just listened. Their legate explicitly said he'd give me a few weeks before my placement was decided, remember?"

He froze, eyes wide. Then he slowly opened his mouth and groaned lowly, "Oh, fucking piece of..." He let off a huff and grunted irritatedly, then facehoofed. "Great job, Summer Sands. Hyped up over nothing. Wonderful..."

A chuckle escaped my throat. "Always inattentive. Some things never change," I muttered, then frowned. "But aside from that? What about everything else? You know I left, wanting to broker peace and to do something for the greater good -- get our people to really make use of their lives, not waste away in a shelter. You know what the Legion could accomplish with our help. You know everything I've felt and thought since yesterday morning, so you know my doubts. You know of the muttering in my head, warning me, making me feel cautious, paranoid, like a traitor... so tell me: am I?"

His lips bent into a frown that shattered my heart. He sighed and looked away, his reaction crushing the pieces of my will into dust. But then he looked me right in the eye with an understanding gaze. "Well... in a way, yes and no. Depends on what kind of traitor you felt you were. You definitely went over your original want of just paying our blood-debt so the Legion didn't have purely bad impressions of us. You say you helped these outsiders out with their plan to convince us to join them. That's why there was that huge-ass fight out there, right?"

I slumped. "Y-yes... I can't say for certain whether or not all that killing would have happened if I hadn't made my suggestion, but since I did make it... however I want to feel about what happened, I was involved. I could be the reason those people died today." I took in a shaky breath, finding myself blinking back tears. "I don't want to be a killer. Fuck that wastelandic truth Postulma told me about -- I don't want it. I'm a guard. I protect, I don’t... kill."

He nodded slowly, completely understanding how I felt. He wisely gave me a few moments to calm down, and in that short interval he finished his wine with one big gulp. "I get that. But hey, you said the Legion was attacking the city. Those people could've been killed anyways, just under different circumstances. And they would've taken lots of legionaries with them. I guess you could say you saved some lives by, well... by taking others."

I looked up at him, aghast. Before I could protest in anyway he said in a rush, "But hey, let's just say that Thanus guy would've done this anyway, alright? Let's just say you got caught up in the tide, and that it's not your fault. M'kay?"

I lowered my gaze, nodding. "Yeah, sure. I can do with that. I just got caught up in the tide." That of course was just half the truth. I wished it could have been the whole truth, but I didn't know Thanus well enough to decide if he would've done it all anyway. "So, that seems like the 'yes' part of me being a traitor," I said dourly. "What about the other part?"

The smile he put up was as friendly and certain as ever, and it almost felt like just seeing it would sew the broken pieces of my conscience together. "Now here's the part I actually wanna say," he grinned, edging closer. "Alright, bro, listen here and listen good: history's full of people that did all kinds of crazy shit for the greater good, you know? Yeah, they were branded as enemies and outcasts for it, but they were vindicated eventually. Those were the people who didn't get others to see their point 'till they were dead; what about those who were killed 'cause some backwards-thinking newt didn't want the good that would come?"

"You mean... like Caesar," I added.

"Yes, exactly!" he clopped his forehooves together in agreement. "Now, don't get a big head, you hear? But if what you've told me is true, then sure you went against your original goal, and maybe against the wants of some of the people you're making decisions for. But your heart's in the right place, and dude, to me that's all that matters. I ain't a philosophical type like you, but, er... well, if the roots are good, the tree can only be so too, right?"

I smiled. Summer Sands, whose grade in philosophy was more worthless than the dirt beneath his hooves, had just made an analogy I agreed with. "Alright. So traitor for a good cause, then?" I asked, hopeful that at last all my swirling doubts would be put to rest. 'Traitor for a good cause': It was a title I could be content with. Taken in its best manner, it meant that all I would do, I would do for the greater good. I could live with that. I loved my people, but Dad told me there was always something greater worth fighting for, no matter what I'd been championing initially. That's not to say I'd just lightly toss causes and inspirations aside in favor of something greater. No, I'd treasure each and every one. But in the end, the only thing that mattered was achieving this greater good.

"Well..." his voice faltered, his skittish gaze telling me all I needed to know. He sucked in a deep breath. "Yeah, I guess you are. You okay with that, dude? 'Cause you know, it still has 'traitor' in it, so... but hey, it doesn't change anything between us. You're still my best friend. That little tantrum I threw earlier was all because I was confused and frustrated. But knowing all this now... well, I can't say I agree with you on some bits of your 'wonderful plan', but I get it. The good far outweighs the bad when you look at the bigger picture."

"Exactly how I think of it," I said, smiling and resting against the chair. At last, my mind was truly at ease, with all my thoughts flushing out to leave me in a blissful placidity. There was only a single emotion left, and it was relief. I supposed what I finally came to be viewed as didn't bother me as much as the uncertainty of my social identity. Even if what I would be called had 'traitor' in it.

Summer Sands seemed curious as to my sudden change in demeanor, so I explained, "If I am to be viewed as an active idealist, then so be it. A singular consensus all who know me possess is a point of agreement, of peace. But if I am to be confused as anything else: a treacherous snake, a determined savior, or just a plain turncoat... then I'd leave confusion and quarrel in my wake, and those can only breed chaos. I do not want mayhem as my legacy, only peace. And if that peace can only be achieved through a singular thought of what I am, then I can endure however I am thought of. So long as there is peace."

He whistled, shaking his head. "Damn, dude. That's some pretty serious crap you're saying. Hell, you wouldn't be Goldwreath if you didn't say this kind of stuff from time to time, but ever thought that maybe you're over thinking or overreacting to... well, everything? You're saying all this as if the others have to know about what you did, or think you did. They don't. This can just stay between us."

"I know," I replied, sipping at my wine. In my eased mood, I finally managed to legitimately enjoy the taste and smell of the drink, unlike during our talk wherein I'd merely used the alcohol to gently calm my nerves. Then, I'd said everything with great emotion, at times having to hold back a shudder. My mind had been clouded, my feelings all so twisted and warped that it pained my heart just to speak.

But now it was different. I saw the whole situation with clarity of mind and heart, with no more doubts -- if something was to be done, it must be done effectively and efficiently. If so, then the future of Roam would need me at my best. If helping the Legion helped Roam, then I would do anything I could do with utmost devotion.

"Yes, I know they needn't find out," I repeated. "But if they ever need to, then I know what I'd have them think of me. A version of the truth that doesn't damn me so, yet isn't too sweet as to make me appear like a hero -- I can be made into whatever they wish, after they're told of what I truly believe I am. See, all this time I've been worrying about how you'd all look at me if you ever found out what I did, and why I did it. I wondered what I was to so quickly move on to a more ambitious version of an old goal. I knew it all as I did things, yet not even my reassurances of noble cause gave me true solace. But now, thanks to you and the clarity you've given me... I can be at peace with whatever may come."

He nodded, seeming skeptical. But then he sighed. "Alright, good to know."

He glanced around for a moment, then stretched and stifled a yawn. "Well, damn..." he drawled, putting into it a great sense of laziness that I knew meant he felt it was time for a change of topic. “One hell of a morning. What time is it now? Nine? To think, it was just two hours ago when I barely escaped with my life from a smoking metal room. If it hadn't been for the emergency safety equipment nearby..."

"Oh, you'd have lived. All you needed to so was keep low."

"It wouldn't have worked with smoke that thick," he replied, shaking his head. "I mean, it was everywhere. It was like I was walking through a pool of the stuff. And good gods, it stung! My eyes teared up in the first few seconds. Shit, I feel sorry for those who were in it for more than a minute. The smoke just felt different. Not like any regular fire -- hell, this one wouldn't have particulate. But for a while there I almost felt like something was bloating inside my lungs... like hundreds of tiny balloons."

A grim thought crossed my mind, and manifested itself as a question. "Do you think that maybe the artillery had something in it? Chemical weapons or... something?"

The suggestion brought a strike of terror to his features. "Well... if it did, I should be dead. As it is, I feel fine. Still... if there was..." He shuddered. "Okay. First thing to do when all this dies down: visit medical. If I'm to die, it'll not be 'cause if some damned smoke!"

"What about the others? I mean, you said those inside their quarters would be fine. But were other guards out? Your parents?" I paused, then asked slowly, "My parents?"

“Ah, should all be fine,” he said reassuringly. "It was just me and Excluvius on active duty in the lower levels. Theseus and Gravetanicus were in the main halls. Everyone else was on leave. Incluvius and some other guys decided to bed in medical; wanted to make sure Horus woke up in familiar company and all that. As for our parents, I know for certain they're well. They were in their rooms last I checked on them, so short of them deciding it'd be nice to sniff the swirling smoke right outside their doors, well..."

I nodded, and tried to reply and express concerns for a few others, but through the noise of activity beyond the tent came a particularly close clopping of hooves. A shadow darkened the tent’s cloth, and an armored hoof reached in and pulled the flaps apart.

Postulma poked his head in, his face concealed by a gas mask and various points of his body wrapped in bandages. Too many bandages, I felt. Take off the armor and he'd have looked like a mummy, save for the head. "Ah!" he said, then took a long, slow breath. "There you are. I've been wondering where you were."

I stood up as he entered. "I'm fine, and thanks for the concern. But you..."

"Bah, it's all good," he said with a dismissive wave. I rose an eyebrow and pointed to his mask and bandages. "What, these? All a precautionary measure. What can I say, where we come from, strength of the immune system isn't exactly propagated." He let off a tiny cough. "Really, one good cut and we could get so sick we'd burn up like a bonfire and spend our last hours in pain. I'm a lucky one. A few scrapes and bruises is all I got; popped a few antiseptics, cleaned the wounds with a little wine, and that's it. Others who suffered open wounds, well... not so lucky. Not so lucky at all. And neither are those who may have inhaled some... unhealthy particulate."

He coughed again, suddenly looking pale. "Though I might be one of that last bunch, actually... wonderful. Guess I'll need to visit the hospital a few more times this week, just to be sure."

Summer Sands chimed in, "Well, good luck with that, dude. At least I'm not the only one needing to visit the doctor some time soon. I take comfort in not being alone in things."

Postulma looked to him, eyebrows upraised. "Ah, you!" he wheezed, his amiable tone dampened by an unmistakably swollen throat. "I take it you're Goldwreath's friend? I saw you tending to him earlier. I was relieved to see someone taking notice of the poor lone pony passed out in an all-zebra camp." He rolled his eyes and muttered, shaking his head, "Honestly, you'd think the racial tension would die off in light of the bigger problems."

"Well, they all probably had those 'bigger problems' to tend to," I said. "And yes, he is my friend. My best friend, in fact. Me and this guy have gone through all kinds of crazy shit together, isn't that right?"

Summer Sands grinned and stood up. "Right as rain, Golden Colt." He stuck out a hoof in Postulma's direction. "Summer Sands, confidante slash partner-in-crime with this vehement troublemaker, and both of us guards of Marediolanon, our home, which I sincerely hope you guys don't take away from us. Please?" He gave a sheepish smile.

His final comment struck a chord in my heart, and I looked to Postulma expectantly. I trusted him to some degree, and so I would believe him if he would say that the Legion wouldn't do anything to harm Marediolanon. Nonetheless, my friend's remark reminded me of the image my fellow Marediolanians had of the Legion. An image I hoped to soon change, for the better, and for the greater good.

The praetorian caught my gaze, and he glanced to the ground and shifted uneasily before recomposing himself. He took Summer Sands' hoof up to the elbow and gave it a curt shake. "Postulma, praetorian of the 3rd Praetorian cohort, 6th century, assigned to legio IV Valere Victrix Equestrius, under the command of legate Thanus." He glanced my way and took in a deep breath before continuing with a snotty sniff, "And I do hope as well that my legate shan't do anything to strain relations; relations which your friend here has worked so hard to stabilize."

Summer Sands gave a hesitant nod and a faint smile. "Thanks. First assurance I got from you guys; I hope it proves true. I just want everything to go back to normal again," he sighed wistfully.

Postulma clicked his tongue but said nothing. The moment descended into a pregnant silence, broken when the zebra finally turned to me and spoke with a sickly rasp, "Well, I hope so too. But there's a reason I came here, Goldwreath, aside from just making sure you were okay. Legate Thanus is wrapping things up out there, running down stragglers with the 1st cohort's armored cavalry. Meanwhile, he's assigned you to collect reports from all centurions and field officers. Just ask them for 'the day's paperwork.'"

"What? He assigned me?" I asked incredulously. "Why?"

Postulma shrugged. "Eh, he has to make use of all available resources. Guess you’re one of them; now get to it. Whether he likes you or not, nobody gets in the way of Thanus and his work. He takes it very seriously." He fought a ragged cough and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper from under his armor, then placed it in my hoof gently as if bidding me keep a precious token. "And here, my good clerk-on-duty, is the praetorians' field report. Full strength, no casualties, and thank Jupiter for that!"

I uneasily took a look at the paper. A list of eighty names were on it. For other such papers from those other centurions out there, it wouldn't reach that number. Hell, maybe the centurion himself wouldn't be alive to give it to me; nor maybe even the optio, each centurion's second-in-command. And the thought of having to approach such bloody, battle-mutilated zebras...

"I... do I have to?" I whined, admittedly quite foalishly. "I don't think I could stomach this... really."

He just stared at me, then shook his head pitifully. His gaze was tired and sickly, his posture weak and trembling. "You poor, poor g-green auxiliary," he said shakily, as if shivering. "C-can't stomach the sight of wounds and the noise of the wounded? Well, I can direct your th-thoughts to a little talk we had the night before..." He sighed, then panted a moment as he stood there with a slouch. "Look... just.... just make sure it gets done. Legate Thanus trusted you with this. B-best not to disappoint, eh?" He bowed his head, then painstakingly turned and left, muttering and hissing under his breath.

"Wow," Summer Sands said, looking at the paper in my hooves as I stared forward. "Collect what's essentially casualty reports from guys who lost brothers-in-arms, huh? That's... kinda grim. I mean, I don't like 'em one bit, but... shit, that must suck." He looked at me as I gazed off still, and nudged my shoulder. I stirred, and he smiled comfortingly. "Well hey, I can help with this. Might as well, seeing as blood's probably going to be a pretty common sight soon." He shuddered, but managed with a weaker, sicklier smile, "Best get used to it now, right?"

He was right. Both of them were. I'd embraced the outside's beauty openly the moment I saw it, but all flowers are dangerous. All beauties have terrible stories about them, and the wasteland was no different; it was marked and sustained by the blood and bodies of thousands, relentless violence, and toxic substances. I should have been grateful the people I was sent to weren't corpses yet. I should have been glad they still bled; at least it meant they were alive. But I couldn't be glad for any of it. If causes were to be won with blood out here, then it was only another sign that the world we lived in was far from ideal, far from normal. Nothing with blood and violence should ever be the standard of an existence. But if bleeding and fighting was what it took to correct that existence, then I would need to bask in it. Accept it. And for the greater good, I could do that.

I didn't like it one bit, but I could do it. Slowly but surely.

"You're right," I said with a deep breath. It was something I had to accept. I looked down at the paper again, at the eighty names. Caius, Maximus, Geta, Horatius... and seventy-six more, all alive. I imagined the other centuries, all the soldiers who may have been just like me -- zebras just going on with their normal lives, totting guns and wearing armor everyday, all the while never actually thinking they'd need them. I imagined how it would have been like for them to lose comrades in a fight, just like I had. I could assume there were many. In that regard, we weren't so different.

A resurgent energy swept through me. A stiffening resolve, a fiery passion that had me straighten my hooves and hold my head high. Yes, they were just like me. No matter our life stories, we were all just people thrust into a brutal, unnatural life. That was the point of consensus, the binding factor. We were all suffering. Some couldn't bear it. Others could, maybe. But if we all wallowed in our fear and pain, heedless of the greater scheme of things, then we were all doomed to spiral into darkness. Some people had to step up, despite the weight. Some people had to fight.

One of them had to be me. I took another deep breath and stepped towards the flaps. "Come on. Let's do our part."

***Roama Victrix***

Two hours later, our job was finally done. To say that it had been gut-wrenching and heartbreaking at the same time would be the most accurate description. If luck allowed, the centurion of a century would've already made the report and would simply be waiting for us to collect. In those cases the job was easy: take the paper, recount, and move on. There was no need to stay a moment longer than needed because there was little gore, little suffering to witness.

But such a case only occurred once. Everything else was bloody, grim, pitiful and tragic. Whole centuries of legionaries had been reduced to less than half their former count, the survivors themselves bleeding and crying on the dirt even as a brave few stepped up to take charge. The shell-shocked 'officers' couldn't have been older than me. In fact, they probably couldn't have gone through more than me. Most of them didn't even look experienced, only trained. In them, I saw a reflection of myself -- made to stand up by troubled circumstance. Made to shoulder a weight no one was willing to bear. And in their dead and dying comrades crowding around the cramped medical tents like an infestation, I also saw what I could have been. In the wounded's hollowed eyes and mutilated bodies, I saw what awaited everyone who lived such a life in such a place called a wasteland.

I dwelled on it as little as possible. There was acknowledging suffering, and then there was letting it fester in one's thoughts. Now Summer Sands and I were heading to the legion’s primus pilus' tent (the primus pilus being the most experienced of all a legion's centurions). He didn't say a word. I regretted bringing him along, actually. I'd always basked in his cheer and blithe disregard for all things serious before, when times were dark and gloomy. But it seemed that witnessing such agony had snuffed out his mirth. For the moment, at least.

Yet I couldn't stand it. I was the serious-minded one; it was who I was. I didn't want to let such things corrupt and darken anyone who wasn't meant for it. Especially when it was my best friend, who'd only come along to share the weight of it all.

"Well, when you think of the damage they inflicted on their enemies, the casualties and injured sustained by the Legion really are quite few," I said, putting into it as much pragmatic optimism as possible. "Now they are the supreme power in the area. If they prove true to who they say they are, then all will be good. The Roaman government can have a nice foothold here. It can only be beneficial for us."

"Guess so," he muttered, not projecting the lightened mood I'd so hoped would dawn on his face. "But it still doesn't feel right. Any of it. Merciful Pluto, I thought we had it tough with three dead. But that? Hundreds dead or dying. From a thousand to just a little over half that. Fuck..."

"Well... they died for a good cause," I replied, trying to keep sight of the silver-lining that made the situation even remotely bearable. Because I was sure that if I lost sight of what made it all worth it, then I'd spiral with the others down into pain and misery; my regrets and doubts and thoughts of treachery would return in earnest and plague me for the rest of my life. I had to keep a steady face, and keep my mind high. "And really, in the course of our time, all that matters is that our lives were spent pursuing something meaningful. An uneventful life is a dead one, you know this."

"I think you mean 'an uneventful life is a safe one'," he replied, sighing. "But yeah, safety's boring... though it does keep people alive."

We reached the tent, or at least what we'd been told was the tent. It was a tall thing, probably with two interior floors, just like my own. It was a dark military red, sporting dirty gold for a small exterior extension. The coarse cloth was speckled with dirt and dust, and darker spots of red that could only have been blood. The entire structure looked flimsy, with several wooden columns shattered and the splinters scattered underneath the cloth walls; the tent sagged dangerously to one side as a result. From within came a bustling noise, and from the tent's rooftop, a plume of black smoke.

"Looks like this place got hit by the barrage earlier," I said, eyeing the smoke warily and smelling an overpowering scent of burnt wood in the air. I exchanged looks with my earth pony friend, and his eyes shared the same question: We're supposed to go in there? Surely the last centurion we'd spoken to wouldn't just send us to a charred, blasted tent. Had he known it was hit? And if he had, what would make him think the most senior field officer in the legion would reside in it? Whatever the case, there was at least someone in there: the noise confirmed it.

"Well, let's head in. Maybe it's the zebra's assistant," I said as I trotted forward and tossed the flaps aside, then took a few tentative steps in. "Wow. This place is fucked up..." I muttered.

Fucked up and blasted all to hell, that was. With the interior cloth singed black and with cinders floating about the ash-thick floor and air, the tent truly looked like the scene of a terrible fire. Furniture and bits of wood were strewn about, crunching beneath my hooves as I slowly moved towards the center of the area. The smoke, I now saw, was coming from a lightly-burning sofa, and a soft wind funneling into the tent swept the black plume towards a flapping tear in the ceiling. Through that rip came a shaft of light that lanced through the dense particulate and gave illumination to the eerie interior. And the cause of it all was a smoking crater smack in the middle of the tent, the shell within having punched whole feet right into the ground.

A crouched zebra picking through the ash-layered rubble came to sight next. His back was turned to us, his helmet laid on its side next to him as he rummaged through the dirt, muttering and grumbling. Even as I watched, he pulled free a metal-rimmed frame from the dirt, gave it a quick wipe, and stacked it along with other items in a small box.

"So what's inside?" Summer Sands called, and I turned. As it turned out, he hadn't entered when I did. "The smoke looks pretty bad in there. Call it paranoia, but I'm not going anywhere near that shit if I can help it."

I sighed. "Fine. It isn't too bad, but just stay outside. I'll handle this." I looked back to the zebra and recoiled. Well, well, if it wasn't centurion Half-Face. "You," I said darkly. He narrowed his single eye bemusedly.

He stood up and looked right at me. "Yes, what about me? And don't sound so wrathful without good reason, pony. I could throw you out just for stepping inside my gods-damned tent."

I paused. "Wait. You're the primus pilus?"

He looked at me, unamused. "Yes, I am. That position goes to the most experienced centurion in a legion, after all, and by the gods I am the most experienced centurion in this legion. Have you even seen those kids out there? Most of them hadn't even fought until just a week back, at Roam. Hell, the pitiful excuses of officers they have at their heads were only made fucking officers because the rest of them were too damned scared to replace a void in the centurionate. Brave amateurs; what a joke."

Wow. He had a cynical attitude and a big ego. Great. "Right then," I muttered, suddenly unsure of how to proceed. I could just trot forward and hand him the reports, but the sudden revelation of who I was handing them over to made me uncomfortable. The guy sounded heartless, uncaring for the zebras whose names were on the papers tucked under my wings. He'd probably just toss the documents onto the burning couch and watch them turn to ashes.

But there were too many lives at stake to let anything stop it now. "Well, I've got the casualty reports from the troops outside, so..." I approached and placed the papers on the nearest serviceable looking piece of furniture. "They, uh... well, they're trying to get reorganized quickly. Some of them requested for transports to get their wounded... well, wherever you guys send your injured."

He let off a curt grunt and snatched the papers up. Then he sat on the dirt and started perusing the documents. With each report he flipped over his expression grew harder, eventually forming an outright scowl. "Gods above. How in Tartarus' name did legate Thanus put on a smile with his legion in this horrid state? A fucking disgrace!" he snarled. "Why, if it were me leading those damned lumps of meat, I'd have cut down those fucking savages while they were out in the open: I'd have smashed them from both sides with the fucking armored cavalry, blasting away and ramming like there was no tomorrow! Leave the formalities and formations for damned parades; this is war, for Mars' sake."

His string of profane and suggestively-mutinous comments made me raise my eyebrows. "Are you saying the legion should have you as its legate instead?" I asked carefully. Sure, in war, ruthless strategists like him won the battle with favorable numbers. But outside of the fight, how would leaders like him fare? Disliked, or maybe even outright hated by his troops? Thanus may have had more grandiose ways of doing things, maybe costing more lives, but at least he seemed to be respected by his legionaries. Surely that was better... right?

He paused, a low hum of thought emanating from his throat. "Bah. It all depends on the kind of legate these louts want. Thanus is a person of spectacle, of show -- prestige, reputation, promotion, that kind of thing. You know, the desires of patricians." He drawled out the last word with disgust. "If that's the type of leader this legion wants, then fine. They can have it. But in the end I think each person's heart is for their home; with their family, their friends. This bunch ain't getting back to where their hearts want if they're dead. And no offense to Thanus, but I think I could get these colts back home alive if he'd gave me the reigns whenever a fight starts instead of devising the 'most intimidating' formation." He snorted contemptuously.

Oh. Alright then! Maybe he did care for his subordinates. But he still seemed like a sour old zebra to me. "Can you do anything about it? If you think Thanus' strategies aren't the most effective, then maybe you could-..."

"There's nothing to be done about it," he interjected, standing up and stacking the papers away in a nearby drawer. "Thanus is the legate. He owns command here. I may be an officer, but I'm still just a soldier like the rest of them. I'm better than they are, sure, but at the end of the day I still just take orders."

He sighed and leaned against the table, looking down at the wood with his one good eye. "We all face death. But we all want to live, and fuck anyone who says otherwise. We soldiers, we need to have complete faith. We have to trust that whatever fuck-up Thanus makes will be equalized by some promotion or reward that'll benefit this legion and the people that fight in it. I -- no -- we have to believe that our sacrifices will be vindicated. It's our light in this darkness, and if we lose hope in that, well... we might as well toss ourselves off a cliff."

His eye looked at me sharply, lingering on me for a moment. "So get it now? Think of me what you will, but know that everything I do and want to do is for the good of the Legion. Whether it's holding my own tongue back so others don't take me as an example and somehow wind up in trouble, or withholding my troops from the fight so they don't think we're desperate and start to lose heart. All of it for the greater good of the Legion."

I nodded and met his gaze, my opinion of the zebra morphing in my mind as the seconds ticked by. To think, earlier he'd just seemed like a heartless officer, pragmatic to the point of ruthlessness. Now though I realized his intense attitude was born out of a fiery desire to just save people. I'd seen what most of the legionaries outside were: barely more than raw recruits. I knew it because I was just like them. So I couldn't deny the significance of the essence of his argument, even if the things his beliefs made him do seemed outright heartless.

Just like when I'd tried to convince him to fight earlier. He'd rejected my demands for the good of his troops. If it were my people to be put at risk, I'd have done the same. In a way, he was also like me. He did what needed to be done, even if it wasn't something to be liked. I couldn't resent him for using his freedom to fight for his own cause, even if it placed my own aspirations at risk. No, to create conflict against other well-meaning individuals just pursuing the betterment of something else defeated the purpose of pursuing the Greater Good, for it was achieved when all things were made right through the patience and collaborative efforts of all who pursued it; not through the singular triumph of one above all.

"I understand," I said. Then, with a voice that just slipped out of me with no conscious will, like it was a natural instinct, I added, "I understand very well, believe me."

His gaze softened ever so slightly. "Good... good, good," he nodded as he withdrew from the table and looked to the ground, licking his lips. "Well, I'll go tell the meat outside what they'll be getting for all their requests of aid, I suppose. Excuse me."

I stepped aside as he made his way for the flaps, but we both stopped dead when a voice called out, "Centurion Perilax! Your victorious legate has arrived, and is seeking the state of his legion."

The voice, despite the use of third-person, was that of Thanus. When the centurion didn't move for the greater half of a half-minute, there was a stomp of armored hooves outside, followed by a primal snort. Then the crested helmet of the legate himself poked in through the flaps, followed by the smiling face of Thanus. Beyond the flaps I saw the legate's mount staring about with beastly obliviousness, and Summer Sands as stiff as a statue nearby as the grey creature sniffed him.

"Well, centurion? Don't keep me waiting. The lives of many dozens of injured are at stake!" he said with a gentle laugh, then trotted over and amiably patted the other zebra on the shoulder. The touch seemed to freeze Perilax where he stood. "Come. I must see the reports before I can organize a means to deal with the casualties and crippled."

The officer I now knew by name as Perilax swallowed, then with a curt nod and a strained courtesy he smiled. "Of course, sir. Just let me go get them."

A minute later Thanus finished looking over the casualty reports, all the while showing no sign of horror at the number of dead and dying. He set them down again and frowned a seemingly forced frown. "A terrible creature, Death," he said, shaking his head. "It's like a predator, but in this world of ours it's the strong of resolve that die, not the weak. Those brave enough to step up, thus earning a spot on the early list of the death god Pluto, die. The legionaries on these documents lost their lives for their cause, and I can only hope that they now travel to Elysium."

"That would be a great vindication for their sacrifice," Perilax said, eyeing Thanus with his eye. I sensed a great deal of restrained contempt in his tone. "But perhaps the remaining soldiers of this legion needn't go to the afterlife yet." With a hard, straight-forward tone he explained, "You'll need to keep this legion alive, sir, if we're to secure Apollania and the remaining regions of the desert. Roam needs her metals, and she can't have them if the legionaries meant to deliver are dead. We can't sustain another beating like that. Next time, we must put strategy ahead of spectacle. I have said this many times over. Sir."

Thanus slowly narrowed his gaze. “Believe me, I know. But such sacrifices are necessary to ensure the cooperation of the people, Perilax. You would do well to remember that it is also this legion's goal to stabilize the community demographic of the region. With Roaman blood, I will achieve both our ends, and I will achieve them in a manner that ensures we are recognized by the Senate when they come to the surface. With Roaman blood, I will carve out this legion's place in history."

Perilax's expression twitched as he gulped and put on a forced smile. It seemed foreign and strange to a face that, for as long as I had seen, had born nothing but grimaces and frowns. "That's quite an ambition, sir," he said tensely, as though his throat were tight.

"An ambition!" Thanus piped, then grinned. "Yes, indeed. There is nothing, I like to think, that is more worthy of a person's efforts than his ambitions. Ambition drives the world, Perilax! Barring nature, it is the most powerful force on the planet." His grin turned smug and confident as he slowly approached the other officer. "And you would do well to remember that."

I stared at them both as they stood there, Thanus looking his subordinate in the eye with assured pride. The whole tent felt like a heating oven every second they locked gazes as sweat beaded down my face and chest. Then finally Thanus let out a quick chuckle. "I'm glad we understand each other! When you feel inclined to, please do go out and pass on the order to divert half of the armored division to transport the infirmed back to Roam tomorrow morning. I have business to conclude with our pony friend here," he looked at me again and asked, "If he is available?"

I held my tongue back for a moment as both zebras looked to me intently. "I am," I answered, causing Perilax's gaze to narrow dangerously.

"Good! Now, do meet me outside as soon as you are able. I will be waiting for you outside Marediolanon," Thanus said, then turned and casted us both one more gaze before he tossed the flaps aside and exited.

The temperature in the tent cooled, and Perilax let off a low, menacing growl. He leaned against a nearby wooden column and calmed himself with a sigh. "You trust him?" he asked calmly, more so than I would've expected.

"Well, I wouldn't call it trust, but perhaps an... obligated faith," I answered.

"So you trust him," he snorted, shaking his head. Then he looked to me. "Okay. You must have seen that I don't like Thanus. I honestly don't, and fuck whatever niceties I said to skirt around my disdain. That legate sees us all as denarii made of flesh and blood, and he's more than willing to spend us on the commodities by which he means to succeed -- commodities like this desert's metal, the region's stability... and your people's trust." His gaze tensed. "Maybe it was for a noble cause, but you got your hooves dirty working with him, pony."

"Maybe," I replied, trying to keep calm. He rose an eyebrow, surprised I didn't deny it. Well the truth was the truth, after all. "Yes, perhaps. But it had to be done. I’m trusting him so that my people may be brought to light, so that they may experience a life unwasted. I am trusting him because if I don't get Marediolanon to cooperate, then more lives will be lost due to Marediolanian ignorance. If Roam needs a place for her soldiers to resupply, rest, and be safe, then it is Marediolanon's duty as a construct of the Roaman government to give of itself. It's how it works."

He let off a mocking, incredulous snicker, and I approached. Firmly, I said, "I'm doing all this for the greater good of my people and Roam. Nothing else. If going along with Thanus' plans and stratagems gets me those, then I'll go along with them."

He shook his head and let off a tiny, grimly-mocking snicker. "Sounds like another ambition to me." He looked to me with a softer, concerned look. "Look, kid, Thanus says ambitions run the world. Maybe he's right. But playing that kind of game with all the noble causes and shit just brings you to a whole new level of things. Me, I just keep what I want simple, and do good in trying to achieve them. Because all of that... fuck it, we're just people. We're not gods, quarreling over the heavens and the earth. We’re just people, and at the end of the day we should be content just to have eaten, slept, and talked with friends and family. The simple things make life worth living.

"People like Thanus don't get that. Everything must be under their control, from the thoughts of others to the patterns of nature. If they could do it, people like him would blot out the sun with monuments the size of mountains if it meant the world would kneel. See, people like that, pony Goldwreath, were Roam's death. And people like that will continue to stir the mixing bowl of chaos so long as there's still something in the batter for them."

I stood firm and stuck with my point. "It’s all for the greater good."

He managed another jeering snicker. "Fine. Say that. But causes get as twisted as vines out here. If we're both still alive in the future, I'd like to see for myself what it is you'd still be fighting for. You're stepping up to a dangerous stage, boy. I warned you."

I shook my head and turned, making for the flaps. Our exchange didn't dampen my resolve to see things through; no, it'd only fanned the flames of my conviction. What kind of person Thanus was was no longer a concern of mine: all that mattered was that he stood true to his word. Maybe Perilax was right and Thanus was as dangerous as said. Maybe he was right, and Thanus would do whatever it took to achieve his ends... and all the while he would use the blood of his soldiers to buy his way there.

I pitied Perilax for the problem he had to face, but it wasn't mine. I had to focus on my own goal or be swept into things I wasn't prepared for. The fates of the legionaries all depended on how Thanus and Perilax would resolve their conflict, not on me. I had my own problem to tend to.

I tossed the flaps aside and stepped outside, relishing in the cooler air and taking a deep breath. Summer Sands was sitting on a nearby rock, but at my emergence stood up with a relieved smile that I reflected.

"So, all good?" he asked. "You were in there for a while. And when that Thanus guy came over and entered... hell, I thought shit was about to go down."

I nodded, nudging him along back to the main body of the camp. "Just a little debate is all. Nothing too much. Right now I need to meet Thanus outside of Marediolanon."

"Oh... okay. What'll happen?"

"I don't know. I'm guessing he'll want to see the effect the recent event has on our people. Given how much he has invested in us -- and how much sacrifice has been made on our account -- it's only logical."

We trotted along, this time passing right into the middle of the camp. Just three hours after the battle, it didn't come as a surprise that the rush of medics and the clamor of wounded hadn't died down. But I didn't mind this time. My problem or not, these people deserved my sympathy. And like I'd been told, I needed to get used to it. I didn't retch or recoil at the sights and scents, nor did I balk at the agonized noise. It was a start.

"I'm a bit concerned," Summer Sands said, "As to how things'll settle down after all this. Hell, I still wonder how I'm supposed to step back into Marediolanon and live with people saying 'he's been outside' and other bullshit behind my back. I kind of think it was a mistake going out here... I mean, you'd have been fine on your own, right?"

"Physically," I answered, then nearly stumbled over a bloody, severed zebra leg. I stared down at it in frozen horror as the soldier it belonged to lay nearby, covered by a red cloth. My eyes looked down the aisle of mourning legionaries as they draped more corpses in the same cloth, and the long line of dead reached all the way to the end of the camp. It took all my force of will to tear my sight away and force my legs to continue. "O-okay... maybe not even physically." I fought a retch. "Look, it was a blessing you came out here, even if it was just to make sure I was okay. But the real aid you gave was stabilizing what I thought of myself. A person's state of mind is everything -- from the way he perceives the world to the way it reacts to him. You helped make sure my head was in the right."

"Sure, sure... sure." He frowned. "Right state of mind. Heh, funny... well, as for me, I think I'd like to step away from guard duty for a while. I, uh, need to rethink the job I've taken up. And also what it may make me do some day."

The moment he said that, I knew he was affected. He just wasn't the type of person that was meant to bear such things. His natural mirth and nonchalance didn't fit with brutality, but I knew I could handle it, given time. It was a matter of regulating my thoughts. I'd practiced the skill long enough to have mastered it, and though I didn't like his brewing idea of laying back from the centuria urbanae, I couldn't deny that, for himself, it was the right choice. It was best to leave such things to those who could handle it.

I was a fool, of course. What I'd thought was a state of mind ideal to accepting the harshness of the wasteland was actually more like a bit of the wasteland itself. I'd been affected more than Summer Sands had. He still had the sense to back away, and I didn't. My instincts were clouded by my desires, and by the time I realized I should have backed off, it was too late.

There are just some things you come to hate yourself for, no matter the reason they were done. And if I had just seen it, then perhaps things would be different. Maybe he would still be alive.

***Roama Victrix***

"It's a fine door you had," Thanus remarked as we crested the slope at last. He looked over his shoulder at us as we approached, and he smiled bitterly. "Quite a shame it had to be harpooned down. But the doors of Roaman Stables were engineered to be utterly unopenable, at least from the outside. From the inside, a simple code and... click," he clopped his forehooves together, then crossed them across his chest as he watched the shadow-shrouded entrance hall. "If our two peoples had only known of each other... so much could have been avoided."

It was a topic I'd had enough of, so I decided to change it. "You called me up here, sir?"

He gave me an amused look. "Again with the 'sirs'. Well, at least you're starting to gain a respect for higher authority. But please, let's keep the formalities aside."

With the easy smile that unnerved Perilax, he looked back to the void chasm of the entrance hall. Or perhaps not void at all -- with the smoke clear, it seemed that a small motley crowd of various ponies, zebras, and Marediolanian guards were coming up from the depths of our shelter, driven to the uppermost level by either curiosity or fear. Even as I watched, the disorganized cluster of Marediolanians stopped where the metal of our home met the dirt of the wasteland. On that line of metal and sand they writhed for a moment, uncertain of how to proceed.

From that assorted bunch came the masked-and-bandaged form of Postulma, accompanied by two other praetorians almost equally medicated. Pushing their way out of the crowd with many apologies, they made their way over to Thanus and rendered the Roaman salute -- straight spine, with the right forehoof thrust straight into the air at forty-five degrees.

"Legatus, sir!" Postulma declared. "Your orders are complied with, and the..." His formality died away, not from the disapproving look Thanus seemed to give when addressed formally, but out of a confusion of how to proceed. He glanced behind him at the curious crowd, then looked back to the legate. "Well, some of the people of Marediolanon are here. Not a majority, seeing as most are still too scared to come out of their rooms. But it's all that we've been able to gather, what with all the things that have been happening since the battle ended."

'Still too scared to come out of their rooms'. At those words, I scanned the faces of the crowd, seeking out my parents. Summer Sands seemed to do the same. Alas, not one of our fathers or mothers were present, to our disappointment.

"If this is all you could gather, then it will do," Thanus replied, then gave a curt bow to his praetorians, who then promptly stood to attention on his side. The legate drew a deep breath and trotted over with deliberate, perhaps nervous, slowness towards my people. This was it, I thought. Now was the time to see if our efforts would pay off. Thanus knew it and I knew it. Even Summer Sands did. The success of our collaboration and the attainment of our goals depended now on how my people reacted. The gravity of the situation pulled my heart down into my stomach, and as Thanus spoke my ears perked up and strained themselves to hear everything.

"I suppose that you all must be wondering why I've called for an assembly," Thanus said, his tone heavy with hesitation and lacking the confidence he'd always spoken with. I couldn't tell if it was a genuine or a fake anxiety he was conveying. "Well, the answer is quite simple. Marediolanon is under my care now, and when I saw those explosions tear away into the mountain, my first thoughts were of your well being. Did... did anyone die?"

There was a short clamor as the people talked amongst themselves, sharing thoughts and perceived facts. Eventually, they came to the conclusion that none had been killed, and said as much in a cacophony of murmurs and headshakes. I let out a deep breath. Thank goodness for small favors when they came.

"Ah, good! Good, good..." Thanus smiled, letting relief show on his face as he idly kicked a hoof across the dirt. Then he glanced up at the assembled crowd, who were eyeing him intently. His expression turned solemn, and he slowly took off his crested helmet. The moment turned into a quiet that was broken only by murmurs as the crowd and the legate stood opposite from one another. Thanus ruffled his short mane, biting his lower lip as he looked about as if wondering how to proceed.

It seemed almost downright hopeless for the assembly to move in any useful direction. Imagine all our surprise, then, when it was a zebra filly who broke the tense silence. "Mister Outsider-zebra? Is something wrong?"

She was on the front-line of the crowd, and the only one who dared step on the dirt without hesitation. We all stared, wide-eyed, as she approached the older legate. Her face full of concern, her lips in a pout, she asked again, "Is something wrong?"

Thanus took a whole moment to recompose himself, his expression full of utter bafflement. "Oh, y-you mean right now? As in, here? Well... er..." He paused, and with a gloomy look he sat on the ground. "Yes, I... I suppose there are many things wrong."

"Zeena, get back here!" a zebra mare called, face paranoid. "Don't step on that soil without boots! You'll get sick!"

The filly gave the ground a skeptical look, then shook her head and looked back to the mare. "It's just soil, Momma. Getting sick from it is silly." She turned back to Thanus. "It is, right? The ground can't actually make me sick."

"This ground won't," Thanus said softly, ears drooped. "But other ground will. See, this outside, it's... very wrong, in many ways. Me and my soldiers, we want to make it right. But that's hard when we have so many enemies and so few friends."

"Just like school," Zeena sighed. Her mother was starting to get frantic, causing a commotion around her as she trotted in tiny circles, repeatedly calling her filly away from the 'poisonous dirt'. The guards she implored to bring her foal back were likewise hesitant to step forth.

Thanus let off a tiny snicker. "Well, kind of." He moved over by the filly's side and gently patted her on the head, casting Zeena's mother worried looks. "Go on. Back to your parents; this is a talk for adults."

Zeena shook her head. "No it's not!" she protested, making Thanus raise his brows in surprise. "We're all just one big family, you know. What happens to Momma is going to affect me. I wanna know what'll happen, cause if I don't, something bad will happen. Isn't that why we're having this fight? Because we didn't know about you?"

"I... yes. That's exactly why," Thanus answered. "But we can't do anything about it now. Your parents and your friends didn't know, and that's that. I wish they did... it could have saved us all trouble. But all that can be done now is try to make peace."

Zeena looked right at me and Summer Sands. "Isn't that what they're trying to do?" she asked as she pointed at us. "They want us all to be friends, right?"

Many eyes turned to us in an instant. We both shifted uneasily, trying to hide our faces. The weight of the situation suddenly felt very small compared to the huge amount of attention I was getting. Yet, I managed to reply, albeit in a tiny voice, "Yes, we do. Nothing good comes out of being enemies." Especially when the possible enemy was the resurgent Roaman government itself, I wanted to add.

"That's right," Postulma chimed in, breaking off from the position-of-attention to step forward and address the crowd in place of his legate. Taking back-and-forth strides in front of my fellows, he declared with many wheezes, "I know that the situation is far from ideal, and it definitely wasn't on any of your 'soon-to-happen' lists. Hell, if it were me in your place, I think I'd have barricaded myself in 'till I got the green light that all was normal again." He let out a little chuckle, then fell silent.

"But you know... your people and ours, we could put yesterday behind us. The deaths will be recognized, but is it really right to dwell on it? Surely we shouldn't forsake the future for the events of the past, and surely you see reason." He glanced behind him and pointed a hoof at some of the many plumes of smoke that had spawned in the wake of the battle. "See that? That’s what’s left after we were attacked this morning by... well, lots of things. Fellow zebras. Some ponies. Even some minotaurs."

"I heard about that!" someone yelled, from the back of the crowd. "Why in the name of the gods did they attack? Were they trying to get to you? Would we have been attacked too just because you were near!?" There was a chorus of agreeing murmurs, and the result was a suddenly very-pissed looking crowd.

"That's not the point," Postulma said, shaking his head. "Don't you get it? Your shelter is a bastion in a sea of chaos; the city in the distance there is crawling with barbarians, and the desert all around you is populated with mutated wildlife. We are not the only ones with knowledge of the past, and the locations of the Stables. Eventually, a tribe would have come for this place, and they would not have cared for the lot of you. They would have taken everything you had! Your home, your resources, your comforts, your bodies! You would have been killed, or worse, you would have become slaves, thrown at the mercy of those with none."

He continued, "And don't say it wouldn't have happened. Oh, yes, it would have. The dignitary we sent to negotiate with the tribes occupying Apollania confirmed it." He looked behind himself for a moment, at the other guards. They both gave a tiny nod, and Postulma faced the crowd once more. "If it weren't for that dignitary's timely confirmation just the day before yesterday, we would not have been prepared to act in our own defense, much less yours. Can you imagine what would have happened if we weren't here? Many hundreds of experienced combatants would have been upon you, and not one of your eighty guards could have saved you!"

"Postulma, that's enough!" Thanus growled as he stood up, eyes glaring intensely. The praetorian immediately bit his lip and shut his eyes, looking scolded as he quickly stepped aside. Thanus stepped forward and faced the scandalized crowd. "Forgive my subordinate, if you could. He is younger than I, and lacks a fair bit of the restraint to be expected of his class..." The legate shot a sharp look where Postulma stood, head bowed, in between the other two praetorians.

"Oh, he will be disciplined, believe me. Yet his words held truth. Indeed, the twelve tribes of Apollania were planning to migrate out of the city. It had no more means of sustenance for their people, you see. Their leaders planned to use your home as a kind of jumping point; a last oasis. They would have broken in, and they would have killed you all. That is the truth of it. And another truth is that, were we not here to stop them, their plan would have succeeded."

I stood frozen, like many others. Was all that true? Or was it just a carefully constructed lie? I couldn't tell. Surely, if the Legion lost the earlier battle, there would be nothing to stop the tribes from seeing my home as an easy target, and one full of resources and wealth, no less. But to realize that an entire city may have been planning to use my home for their own ends... at least the Legion had some restraint! They were willing to compromise, to get Marediolanon to cooperate under reasonable conditions. But savages like those would have taken and given nothing back: the very definition of unfairness.

The realization and contrast between the two factions ignited a fire within me. Now, more than ever, I saw past the possible guile of the likes of Thanus and observed only the benefits of their presence. I stepped forward as the crowd began bickering. "It is true," I said aloud, and all attention quickly focused on me. Zeena the filly seemed glad to have another person advocating becoming friends, and with that contentment in her eyes she sat down in front of me, looking up expectantly.

Though the sudden anxiety of the crowd’s attention bore down on me like a boulder, I took heart once more in the reassurance that all I did was for the greater good of my people. "My fellow Marediolanians," I started, taking a deep quaking breath. "Our lives now face a... a crossroads. In the generations we have spent idling inside our home, the outside has deteriorated to the point of savagery. I have witnessed the... the brutality and barbarity of it with my own eyes. I may look filthy to you, with my body marked with dirt. Yet I am clean compared to the many hundreds of legionaries who just this morning fought to protect not only themselves, but also you.

"I have thought much since yesterday. I have weighed the scales in my head, wondering whether to truly, truly believe in these people." I looked to Thanus, who stood watching me as intently as the crowd was. "I must admit, I have doubts. We all do, I think. Who would openly believe, with no hesitation, when all life is fragile in the face of what may come? But I have seen past my doubts, and have witnessed the necessity of cooperation. And just as said, that smoke out there comes from the smoldering remains of many vehicle and zebra carcasses. Had they not been stopped... no door could have held them back. Not your pleas, nor any force we could muster. We truly were, and still are, under the mercy of the chaos that is bred out here."

I stopped for a moment, letting my words sink into myself as much as them. I'd said I had doubts, and it was true. But it was also true that we, as a whole people, could be easily snuffed out by any higher power. The Legion was one, though they were meant to integrate us into them, not slaughter us. Others wouldn't have been so merciful. "I know you may find what I'm saying hard to stomach. It was hard for me to take in too, believe me. I would have been content with the life I had. Protecting all of you was a worthwhile job, and gave me great satisfaction. But against the dangers out here... I can do little. We, your sworn protectors, can do little. And me, I can only tell you this: The Imperial Roaman Legion are your protectors now, whether you like it or not. They are our government, and it is their duty to protect you, is as it is our duty as Roamans to help them. And though that relationship is falling lopsided now -- lopsided because we're too scared to embrace change when it's good for us -- they will still protect you. They will still fight for you, and they already have. All they ask from you is a little trust. And if it be in your hearts, a little cooperation."

There was a moment of silence, utterly quiet as the assembled looked to each other uncertainly. Clearly I'd made an impression on them. But would it be enough? I didn't know, and the uncertainty contorted within me like a vortex, dragging my hopes down into an abyss every second they remained silent. It seemed to do the same to Thanus, whose expression was locked in a tense, almost desperate squint. For us, this was it. Moment of truth.

"I'm willing to trust them!" Zeena piped, breaking the spell of silence. "I am. We're all just one big family, right? We have to trust and help. Families break apart if they don't." She trotted forward and sat next to Thanus, looking up at the older zebra with a smile. "If they wanted to hurt us, they could have. But they didn't, because they care for us. And that's enough for me."

"And me," a grey pony from the crowd blurted, suddenly getting everyone's attention. He looked down at the dirt warily for a second, then stepped forward and felt it beneath his hooves. He breathed deep, glancing back at those staring at him. "I've been the lower-levels janitor for five years. To say that I'm content with that is a lie, and sorry to say that. But I see opportunity out here, and I'm gonna take it. Jupiter, let this be the right choice!"

He trotted over and sat by Thanus and Zeena, and all the while the lot of us stared in shock. Then a zebra mare let off a great loud cry of exasperation. "Damn it, Bucket Splash, you and your damn decisions!" She stepped forward and marched angrily towards the grey pony, then sat by him with a huff. "It's times like this that I hate you. I swear, if you get us killed somehow..."

But she was with him, and that was all that mattered. She was with him in the decision to embrace the outside, to embrace change. And like an avalanche set off by the rolling of small stones, more people stepped forward -- more ponies, more zebras, even two guards! And as they went, muttering reasons and letting off sighs, my heart was leaping in my chest. It was done! Marediolanians were shedding their reservations! The plan looked to be a success!

Zeena's mother finally found the courage to step on soil and gallop for her daughter, and hugged her tight. She'd found the courage to let the fear pass; and so did many more, to my complete delight. They gathered over on our side, being the first to accept the change. Their faces worried yet somehow brave, they sat and stood around me. And I couldn't help but smile like a fool all the while.

By the end of it, all who were left on the other side were people I recognized as important individuals of Marediolanon. Too important, perhaps, to take the leap even if they wanted to. The Stable needed them, after all -- Lighthouse, the head-engineer, would have quite the job cut out for him in repairing the engine room; Kevlar Vest, head of Eckris' elite, would be relied upon to reimpose order within our home; and last of all, Syringe, whose medical and psychiatric expertise would probably be needed by many traumatized and afflicted Marediolanians. There the three stood, the pillars of our shelter, opposite those of us who embraced change. Then, together, they retreated back into the entrance hall, and disappeared within.

Their departure left a sour note amongst those who'd taken the risk, and they began murmuring and muttering among themselves, some even looking regretful of their choice. I grew worried, but Thanus simply turned to face them all with a grin.

"Mind them not," he said. "They've yet to understand the gravity of the situation. But in time, they will. In time, all things will come to the fold, for our cooperation is a necessity to our survival. They'll see that soon. But you who've taken the jump, whatever the reason..." He stood on his hindlegs and spread his forehooves apart.

His face smiling and gentle, his demeanor jovial, he declared, "Welcome to the outside! Welcome to your new life! And of course... welcome to the Legion."

Summer Sands and I stood there, watching him as he further addressed the crowd. I was smiling like a fool, standing in total awe at the success of our plan. Perhaps it wasn't a full win yet, seeing as the few who'd agreed weren't even a tenth of our home's population. But they signified hope for that plan, and in them I could see the future of a thriving Marediolanon. In them, I could see their own bright future, whether they'd wanted it or not. And in no small amount did I feel pride, for I'd allowed it all to happen.

And yet there was something off about it all. A nagging thought in the depths of my consciousness -- the last residual remains of my doubts, perhaps? Maybe. Perilax had made it abundantly clear the likes of Thanus were dangerous, somehow. But so long as the legate did nothing to harm my people, he was fine by me. And if he tried anything, I promised myself I would be there.

I would be there, I thought. Oh, yes I would. Nothing would stop me. All I would do I would do for the greater good of my people, and of Roam.

Then, "Goldwreath!" Thanus called, breaking away from his address to look my way. In like manner, the attention of all was on me in that instant. But I didn't shrink or cringe back. My pride was too great to let anything belittle me at that moment. "I need you to do something for me, if you're willing?"

"Of course! What is it?"

"There's a zebra in the camp. Wears a white toga, with a red sash. I need you to go and find him, please."

The mentioning of such a zebra stirred one of the praetorians out of his stiff at-attention pose, and with an uneasy, cautious, hesitant tone he stuttered, "Uh, actually, lord... there's uh, a complication with that..."

"Oh?" Thanus winced inwardly. "What kind of complication? Surely Malfurios has time to meet me for his next dignitary assignment. That young bastard has nothing but time!"

The praetorian swallowed, shaking his bandaged head. I caught his eye glance to his fellows, at Postulma and the other guard. They both gave a tiny nod. "I... I don't think he would, legate," he said.

Thanus froze. Suddenly all sense of achievement and victory drained from his shocked, pale face. His legs shuddered, threatening to collapse under him. The crowd, anxiously awaiting the continuation of their welcome, grew tense -- clearly they who'd taken such a leap were expecting a proper address for their bravery. But none dared to speak up as legate Thanus stared off into the air, eyes blank of all life.

"Where is he?" Thanus asked.

One of the guards licked his lips and swallowed. "We will show you his crater."

***Roama Victrix***

"So... yeah, that's him," Postulma rasped, looking down at a blood-soaked, smoking crater just outside the praetorium. Thanus and I both looked down at it as well, trying to piece together how some vapor and dirt had once been a zebra dignitary. A part of me would've gotten sick, but such a demise was much easier to stomach than much more... explicit deaths. At our wordless gazes he added, "It happened sometime during the attack. We only found out after the victory, so... well, yeah." He cleared his throat. "We'd have told you sooner, but then we agreed that maybe such an action wasn't ideal just yet. You still had a crowd to convince. We were sure you wanted to have a clear head first before... this."

I understood that. Emotions muddled up all things, either helping or hindering the efficient accomplishment of a goal. Who's to say my own achievements thus far weren't affected by emotions as well? Surely they were, but if they'd been more affected then maybe our plan wouldn't have reached this point at all. Now a little over a dozen Marediolanians were at least shakily with us, and I trusted Summer Sands to have the greater good in mind now that he and the others had, at least for the moment, returned to our home. Who knew, maybe they'd somehow manage to convince more people to embrace the outside.

Of course, Thanus may have taken it differently. Maybe beneath his supposedly-conniving and charismatic exterior lay a fragile person, susceptible to crying breakdowns. But he simply looked on, and bent heel near the crater as if to inspect it. Then he sighed, and looked to the heavens with red and puffy but tearless eyes, his face smiling.

"Well, it seems you really were the first of us. Good on you," he said to the sky, then shook his head and gave a strained snicker. "Well then... say hello to my father for me, Malfurios. Say hello to everyone else I loved, who you may now meet in Elysium. And... be patient." He sniffled a little, looking back to the earth. "Be patient. I'll join you soon enough."

His expression and demeanor remaining light-hearted despite the loss of one he'd obviously held as a close friend, he turned to us. "Well, in war casualties can be made of any and all. Malfurios knew that well, and so do you both. But he's dead now, so he needn't worry for life anymore. In a way, I envy him." He sighed shakily, and then frowned hard. "Whatever the case, I'm now a dignitary short. Wonderful. Who do I send to back to Roam to make official the announcement of the occupation of Apollania?"

"Er... I'm available, sir," Postulma said timidly, hesitantly raising a hoof. His ears drooped at the sharp look his legate gave him.

"You?" Thanus snickered. "Well, I said I'd discipline you, and it will be done. Your teacher shall be the wasteland -- go and suffer its pains, with no respite in Roam. That shall be enough for me. Your punishment also eliminates the possibility of you botching up another conversation, which is good. Work on your rhetoric, Postulma. You'll need it."

Scolded once again, Postulma backed away, looking ashamed. Then Thanus approached me. "How about you, Goldwreath? Any desire to go Roam to make official announcement of my conquests here?"

"Wait. Me?" I blurted, eyes going wide. Then I stuttered out, "You're offering to send me there? T-to Roam? I thought I was supposed to be a-a local peacekeeper... or something. An auxiliary soldier, or a vigiles. To go there would be just... wow, it hadn't crossed my mind at all."

He let off a smirk, amused by my reaction. "I understand. But I need someone to go, for you see my superior in the Forum in Roam is very... meticulous with such things. Paperwork, files, records -- anything important, really. A simple 'Apollania will be ours' message won't cut it for him. So, as with all my fellow legates, he would have me send a dignitary or some trusted individual to make official all important events. Sadly, this morning I... I lost who I'd have sent."

He spared a glance at the crater and immediately his look turned solemn. "So I need someone. The wounded will be traveling by land convoy to more dedicated medical facilities back in the capital, but whoever I send leaves this afternoon on a two-day trip to the Forum and back. There would be little risk at all, considering the one that go shall travel by air."

"Gee... this is... wow..." I babbled, shaking my head as I looked to the dirt. But of course I wanted to go. Had the offer been made when Marediolanon was stabilized, I'd have accepted with no second thought. After all, I would have been back in just two days. But then? I... I couldn't. There were too many loose ends, too many unknowns. Any number of things could have occurred in my absence, and my loyalties were still with my people. The things I did I did for them after all, even if they'd hate me if they ever found out. But to leave for Roam just out of my own desire? No, that was selfish. That was different.

Of course, a part of me thought, I do deserve it, after all I've done. To not get what I deserve is unfair. Very unfair. And like all unfairness, it should be rectified.

His smile waned, turning gentle. "Well, think on it. But if you're to go, you're to go this afternoon. Make a decision quickly."

"You have to understand, I simply... well, I want to, but I can't. I can't just leave, without telling my parents or my friends. My father would have my hide if he found out."

"Of course," he replied, breaking off. "Duty to the pater familias should be near the heart of every Roaman, next of course to one's duty to Roam, which is always at the core." He turned to Postulma, eyes narrowing in thought. "Though, now that I remember... Postulma, didn't you face a similar predicament with your family in Aurelia?"

The praetorian nodded. Then Thanus gave him an expectant look, and Postulma explained, "Well, sir, they wanted me to tell them everything I did; felt like they were breathing down my neck. Honestly, it got tiring as hell. That's why I joined training for the Tent Guards without telling 'em. By the time they found out, well... my life was only for Roam." His masked features lit up. "I don't regret it. Life out here's much more interesting than learning to be a glorified accountant. They'll just have to suck it up. I mean, I love them, but I hated the life they had planned for me. Too boring."

"That was months ago, of course," the legate said, stepping towards his guard but still eyeing me. "I'm sure they've accepted it by now. But I'm certain disdain for your family's demeanor wasn't the only reason you left, yes?"

Postulma let off a shy, nervous chuckle as he rubbed the back of his neck. "You already know all this, sir. It was in my application. They were raising me to manage the affairs of Aurelia's economy, right? Well, the Legion's been building up its wealth for two centuries. The time for golden denarii has passed, if you ask me; it's time for steel and iron. We won't be able to buy out every contender. We'll need to fight. And Roam needs conviction and ready decisions now, of all times. All else must be secondary... even parents."

He looked to me and shrugged. "That's just what I feel about it anyway, Goldwreath. Don't take me as an example, unless you really want to. Just saying that in these times there should be no hesitation. It's do or die, most of the time."

I looked down to the soil, as if begging it to put my indecision at ease. Postulma's tale had put forth another reason to go, aside from mere desire. It was duty, to Roam and to the government. I'd been offered to go to the capital itself, and to do something important and meaningful there. My hesitation was an affront to efforts to revive the Roaman world. Who knew what incalculably grand effects each second I spent idling would have? Each second was one wherein a bomb could have gone off, killing dozens. Or maybe some well-meaning outsider was being harassed unjustly; yet another assault on fairness and peace. Perhaps my hesitation could somehow result in the ultimate failure of Roaman restoration altogether. The world could forever remain a wasteland!

Then my eyes twitched. Surely those were extremes, never to actually happen simply because of me! No, it was ridiculous... but was it? Actually, they could happen! Therefore, I had to go. But I couldn't... but I had to, yes? Surely I should, but I could not... gah!

Just follow your heart, another part of me seemed to say. What is better, to be scolded but have done good, or to have done nothing but be praised?

Thanus snickered and turned away. "Well, think fast, but not too fast. I see great conflict in your eyes. Relax. Whatever your choice, I'm sure all things will be made right by the end of the campaigning season. For now, though, I must-..."

"Alright, I'll go!" I blurted, and then froze. Some mechanism of my mind had actually just made me say that. I was paralyzed, but as the the swirling pool of panic and shock began to settle in my mind, I realized what exactly had just happened. It was another one of my mental-coinflips.

Ah, my mental-coinflips. I named my impulsive actions that. For you see, in great moments of indecision in my life I decided I'd let impulse rule. I allowed it to thrive because I hated indecision, for it did nothing but trap me in a never ending debate with myself. I was notorious amongst my peers for thinking too much. Even my parents spoke to me about it one day after class, when I'd written an essay too long for the teacher to read, or understand. And after another day, when my thinking too much made me waste a whole hour attempting to answer a single question, and subsequently fail the most important test of the year, I vowed to never again let indecision waste more than a minute of my life. And now the mechanism that I'd developed to always keep me moving forward had made, what I like to think, the biggest, most important decision of my life.

At least, I thought so. My 'mental-coinflips' had always been for small things, normal things. I wasn't sure why, but I had the very strange feeling the bursts of conviction I'd experienced since the day before were encouraged, evoked. Surely, it was just me who drew them forth, but if it wasn't... could I ever have made such decisions on my own?

"Wait. You actually just said yes?" Postulma blinked, his sickly eyes widening with bafflement. "Did my little story make you do that? It would really explain a lot if it did..." he muttered.

"It would explain a lot, indeed," Thanus intoned, still focusing on me with both eyes wide. "Did I just hear that right, though? You'll go?"

"Yes yes yes," I said quickly, bowing my head. "I've not been forced, but I... well, my mind realizes the importance of the task. The wasteland is brutal, I've seen that firsthand. If there's even a chance I can prevent some kind of cruelty from happening by doing this, and in so helping this Legion accomplish its goal, then I should do it. Even if my parents may never know." I looked up desperately. "You'll cover for me, yes? If anyone comes asking, you'll tell them I'm just... busy?"

The legate nodded. "Of course, I'd not want you to be the source of much fuss. But you're certain about this?" He stepped towards me and nodded off into the horizon, at the city. "I know I said there's little risk, but there still is. If you're going, you must tell me now that you're going out of free will and with full knowledge of what may befall you."

"I am," I answered. "This is important. My father would never let me go if I went to him, at least not so soon after yesterday. I just hope he'll understand if he finds out, and I hope more that he never does. It's there and back again, and things go normal after -- so I pray this shall go."

Thanus beamed, looking elated. "Excellent!” he piped. “Excellent! Yes, excellent excellent! Nyahaha!" For a moment he just stood there, laughing to himself in glee as he did a little dance on his hooves. Then he relaxed with a great inhale, smiling. We both stared at him like he was a maniac, but he just grinned. "Gah, don't mind me, you two. I am thirty-five years old. For the military, that is young, but... well, I'm a father. The stress of parenting over long distances and commanding a legion can be so... so very tiring at times. I take joys when I can, I bask in my success when I can. So please do forgive me if I come off as... queer, from time to time."

I rose an eyebrow and took a tentative step backwards. "Okay then," I drawled. "So, this afternoon? Anything you suggest I do before I leave?"

He shook his head with blithe unconcern. "None that I can think of, my good boy! None at all! Bide your time and look to the future, maybe? After all, you shall be seeing the resplendent glory of Roam, tarnished slightly but radiant in the sun. How exciting!"

I managed a faint smile. Yet, as I dismissed myself and made my way back to my tent to 'bide my time' and gather a few necessities, I was troubled. If Thanus could cover for me in my absence, then all would be well. But otherwise there would be much scorn to face, a scolding that would remain with me all my life. My father would never be able to accept that I'd left, and against his explicit instructions, to aid outsiders.

But what else could I do? This was a good thing I was going to do, something helpful and useful. And I was a guard of Marediolanon and a citizen of Roam. For duty to home and nation, I had to put all else aside. Even friends. Even parents. And now for that duty, I was to go on a very important, very short mission.

Of course... things never do go as simply as one expects.

***Roama Victrix***

The sun was high in the sky, though off in the distance at an angle. It cast a radiant yellow light over the world, illuminating the bleached white sands of the desert. And as the light struck and reflected off colossal white clouds that blinded me to look at, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, staving off brewing panic.

I'd not paid the size of the world much attention the first time I'd came outside. Perhaps I simply couldn't divert the attention; my mind at the time was immensely preoccupied with a problem and prospect I knew I needed to focus on. But now that problem was over, more or less, and I faced a new challenge that was of such immense importance I dared not think on it the way I would anything else. I was trying to distract myself. And, as it turns out, it took only that for me to realize how utterly puny I was, and how very high up the clouds and the sun were.

Of course, I had it lucky, I think. I'd read books about psychology, and therefore much on how people exposed to new conditions reacted. Sometimes the change was too jarring, too sudden, for them to cope with naturally, so they'd retreat to more comfortable places until the change passed. Sometimes the change even inflicted a trauma they could never come to terms with. Maybe it was because I was a pegasus, but thank goodness the only panic I felt at the prospect of the vast heavens and the wide earth was easily staved off with many deep breaths.

And then I started panicking again, breathing deeper and quicker as I saw it, miles off in the distance, but closing in fast. A wind blew around me as it neared, rolling sand and dust into little whirlwinds and rustling at my feathers; the dust gathered on the rough leather saddlebags I’d been provided, within which lay the map of Roam and a few canteens of posca, as well as some bread. But the wind was no natural wind, just as the fluctuating roar that carried on the air as the aircraft approached was no natural sound.

I suddenly remembered why I'd been distracting myself. I preferred the panic of the sky over this. At least the heavens weren't going to come closer with the intent of whisking me off. But my mind had locked onto the emotions of my upcoming journey, and now nothing else mattered. I felt nothing but the bowel-loosening, heart-clenching anxiety of what was to come. And when the metallic hulk thudded down onto a rocky extension jutting out of the mountainside, it felt as though the gravity of its landing had pulled my guts down to the lowest extremities of my body.

But, though my body had gone numb all over, my mind, ever-ready to take in all there was to perceive, good or bad, worked over the aircraft instantly with calculated scrutiny. I looked over the craft’s grey wings: short, stubby extensions that grew thinner near the end, and beneath which were attached several combusting turbines connected to the aircraft using gigantic spherical joints allowing them to tilt and rotate to almost any angle. And then I looked over the vehicle's structure; it was compact, with a low, level spine to which the wings connected, and at the front of which jutted out a smooth oval of a cockpit, with tinted obsidian glass. On the rear end was an armored door, geometrically tilted and shaped to fit with the pragmatic design of the rest of the machine. The entirety of the aircraft sported light steel-grey plating, highlighted with stripes of red along the edges of its chassis.

"Whelp, there's your ride," Postulma said dourly, almost sounding jealous. "Enjoy Roam for the two days you'll be there. I know I would." He sighed, then looked to me. He'd gone to the doctor in the hour I'd taken to prepare myself for this 'secret' departure, and the medical staff had managed to bring his fever and swelling down enough such that they trusted his immune system to not need the mask. Apparently, others needed it more than him, and he'd been compelled to give it up. "Say hello to Astrum while you're there, eh? Praetorian, just like me. Tall but thin, serious-faced; can't miss him. At least, you definitely couldn't if he hasn't stopped bringing those stupid books of his everywhere he goes..."

"Nothing wrong with books." I swallowed as I eyed the object of my departure. Postulma'd told me that Thanus was sending along a small retinue, just to keep an eye over me. Whether it was ordered out of a desire for my safety or a caution over what I may do, I couldn't tell. Even as I watched, a group of eight zebras that was apparently to be my escort marched along the earthen palisade of the camp and down a gentle dirt slope to the rocky outcrop the aircraft was on. They were waved off with scattered goodbyes, some of which they returned. But the general mood of those staying behind seemed to be, just as Postulma'd said, 'Enjoy Roam while you can. I know I would'. But some of the legionaries had an even more dour look that suggested they wanted it more than Postulma ever could. Then the rear of the craft cracked open with a hiss, and a metal ramp lowered down to the dirt. The soldiers stepped in.

He followed my gaze, eyeing the aircraft intently. "Maybe, maybe... but it doesn't matter right now. There's a Forum to head to and an announcement to make. Thanus would have this over with as soon as possible. And remember, he needs you here to help keep the peace. You're essential to the plan you helped formulate. So the longer you're gone, well..."

"Yes, yes, of course," I said quickly and took a step forward. Then I stopped, and took a step back... then forward again. Then I stopped, again, and looked to him with an anxious grin. "So, uh... just go over and board? Won't I be sent off or... something?"

"What, with honor guards and all that? Well, you would if Thanus cared more for formalities. But he doesn't, so yeah. Just board."

I nodded and moved forward. But then I stopped again; some section of my being was holding me back, anchoring me here. It was the cautious, introversive side of me: the part that had always challenged and questioned the innumerable misadventures I'd had. Admittedly, it barely ever won me over, but it was making me hesitate, making me balk. And though I mentally screamed at it to behave itself and let my course set off, pouring into my raving every last bit of hatred for hesitation I could muster, all that did was lock me in a recurring rut of stepping forward, then backward, then stopping again.

The ridiculous pattern went on for a good few moments, until Postulma stepped up and nudged me along down the path to the rocky outcrop. "Good gods, is as if you're a fucking machine with its gears all caught up in a bunch," he muttered with a little chuckle as he gave me a final gentle shove forward. I staggered to a stop, feeling sluggish and dumb as I looked back to him. He snickered. "Go on, go on. You'll be fine."

The lever in my head finally settling on 'forward', I moved. I took slow but sure steps towards the aircraft, which grew steadily larger in my vision until I stood in its shadow. My heart thundering in my chest and my legs numb from anxiety, I stepped up the metallic ramp and into the cabin. I looked for the nearest seat and sat down straight away, swallowing saliva to get my queasy stomach to calm. I ignored the snickers and the jeering looks thrown my way as the soldiers mocked me in Imperial.

Then there was a jarring clang and shake, making me gasp and press myself against the backrest. I felt an odd sense of internal weightlessness as all the mass of my body seemed to sink to my legs. I felt wind on my face as I shut my eyes, my hooves gripping at my seat. I heard an intensifying roar from beyond the bounds of the cabin as the turbines ignited.

I cautiously opened my eyes and looked aside, out the door, and immediately felt a great sense of awe. The crunching puniness that'd born down on me earlier now returned with a renewed energy, taking the breath from my lungs. For due to the angle and position of the vehicle, I could see all: everything I'd observed individually the day before, now compressed into a single image. I could see the camp, steadily shrinking into the distance as the vehicle ascended; the soldiers in it were almost as small as ants now, the blur of their waving hooves nearly invisible. The carnage along the slopes was now nothing but a distant see of black and red, punctuated with plumes of smoke rising up into the radiant light of the sun.

And then the city, off in the distance behind the mountain. There were glittering lights coming from it, as though a thousand mirrors had been positioned on the ground within the city proper just to reflect the sun. A host of equally-glittering objects hovered above and about the skyscrapers like cinders floating in the air. All of it, from that height, now... so small.

"Looks like the other cohorts are moving into Apollania," someone mused. "Hope that goes well for them. Fucking savages are excellent urban fighters, I'll give 'em that... let's hope the hurt we gave those tribes today makes their job easier."

"Thanus will get it done," someone added. "He always gets it done. And with the rest of the legion behind him, the remaining tribes will either submit or die. That's just how it'll go."

"Where is Thanus anyway?" another asked. The question struck me. Yes, where was he? Postulma had said that Thanus was sending a retinue along, but he hadn't said a single thing about the legate's whereabouts.

Then a legionary scooted close, pointing a hoof down to a rocky formation near the foot of the mountain. I followed his gaze down to a tiny spot of bright red, distinct enough from the bright yellow light of the sun to be seen. "I think that's him. No centurion would just take a stroll away from the camp right now."

Others came closer, getting off their seats to gather near the door. A panic swelled up within me as they leaned, squinting, paying no heed at all to the possibility of falling to their death hundreds of feet below. I gulped and pressed myself even harder against the backrest, but my eyes were on the spot of red. Eventually we all confirmed that it was indeed the legate, and that the bright spot of red was actually the crest of Thanus's helmet. He was just standing there, alone atop a boulder. And as the craft turned in a wide arc in the sky, the new course brought us closer to the ground, moving at high speeds. Perhaps it was the pilot's intent, but we moved close enough to where the legate stood that the legionaries were able to cheer and shout Thanus' name like a chant. Apparently, he really was well respected by his troops.

The behavior of his soldiers put up a content, proud look on his face as he looked up at us. In fact, he looked very proud, very content... maybe a little too proud and content. Hadn't he said many times over that he didn't like being praised, for it bore the possibility of swelling his pride? Well, every commander had a right to some indulgence, I suppose...

But he wasn't smiling for the praise. No... no it was something else. He was staring at me, focusing on me with that same unnerving grin. The aircraft was away from the mountain now, and the ramp-door finally began sliding back into place. And as it did so, Thanus waved us a goodbye before breaking his soul-seeing gaze. Then he turned around slowly to look up and behind him at the mountain, all the light of the sun bearing down on him as he observed the fruits of his labor.

The doors clanged into place.

I relaxed with a great sigh, the image of him seared into my mind. I saw it even when I closed my eyes: him, proud and tall atop a huge rock, looking the prize of his work over with his back turned to me. For some reason it unnerved me even more so than the way he'd smiled.

"Hey," someone said, and I felt a nudge on my shoulder. "Hey. Hey, pony. 'Sup with you?"

I opened my eyes, looking over at the legionary next to me. "Huh, what?"

"You seem queasy," he pointed out. "What? You sick? 'Cause you definitely look kinda sick."

I shook my head, focusing on my breathing and getting my body under control. "No, I'm not." I looked to the others in the cabin, and my eyes popped wide as I saw the aquilifer on the seat opposite mine. He was hugging the shaft of the eagle standard close, and his fur-covered helmet and head were bowed as he sat there solemnly. "You're coming with us?" I asked him.

The aquilifer looked up with wide, self-conscious eyes. "Er, me?" I nodded, and he looked to everyone else in the cabin with a cautious glance. "Yeah... er... well, yeah. Kind of tradition among us to have the eagle of a legion close when that legion's being represented." He looked up at the golden eagle resting atop the standard. "Been like that s'long as I remember. It implores the gods to be close where important matters of state are concerned and all that."

He cleared his throat and leaned back, careful to not slam the eagle against the compact cabin's walls. "Well, that's why I'm here, anyway." He looked over to me with a little half-smile. You though... from Stable pony to dignitary in a single day. Pretty impressive."

"Bah, it's impressive where politics are concerned," the one next to me scoffed. "Now, I'd like to see how he deals with real challenges! Ever killed before, pony? Or gotten in a nice brawl? Come on, come on, say something that'll impress me," he jeered. I sat silently and tried to make myself as small as possible as all the others laughed. All of them but the aquilifer, who just sat still and reflected my behavior as though it were him being laughed at.

It was going to be a long trip, I thought, and sighed. Especially with them making jokes amongst themselves and speaking of things I knew nothing of. The anxiety had ebbed away, leaving me feeling nothing but the purest sense of utter boredom. But, though I was bored, I couldn't retreat into productive thinking. No, my mind was occupied by other things, as it often was. The very last of my worries now concentrated in the depths of my consciousness just to remember that smile, that very unnerving smile. That smile, which reassured me and radiated mischief at the same time...

Then the aquilifer leaned in and softly said, "They can get a bit rowdy, sometimes... annoying. Most people I've been with were. Thank goodness you're different." With a hasty, almost apologetic tone he added, "Er, if I may say so myself, of course."

I nodded. "I do prefer keeping to myself. I guess we have that in common." I smiled, extending a hoof. "Goldwreath."

"Goldwreath? What's that... oh, your name!" He looked down at my foreleg and swallowed. "I'm... uh, Audrius," he replied, making a move to shake my hoof that he didn't push through with. He lowered his forelimb with a self-scorning expression. He looked up to me again, grinning sheepishly. "First time flying?" he asked in a rush, as if desperate to change the topic.

I shook my head, suppressing a laugh of my own. "No, actually," I replied, and he winced in surprise. "I have. Many times." Then I frowned "Thing is, though..." I said slowly, thinking back. "Every time I did, I... always crashed. Always."

Then the blood drained from my face as a voice in me chuckled, And it will always be so, Goldwreath. Now until the end of days.

Audrius narrowed his gaze. "Okay, now I'm starting to see what Lucius meant. You do look kind of pale."

"Just a thought," I intoned, feeling the coldness of my cheeks. "A disturbing thought. Very, very disturbing." I leaned back and swallowed. "A thought I hope isn't true."

"Well, don't fret," he said, looking up the shaft. "The gods are with us. They'll not let anything bad happen so long as we don't lose the eagle."

I looked up to the standard as well, eyeing its golden form and looking into its eyes. I didn't know why, but there was something with it now that bothered me, making my mane and skin crawl like it'd been infested with little spiders. Yesterday it held me with a powerful curiosity, a force that intensified my focus; I liked focus, hence what I felt had been good. But now an eldritch aura seemed to resonate from it, like sound that couldn't be heard but could be felt on a deeper fundamental level. My thoughts felt scattered and my emotions were jumpy just from looking at it, and so I tore myself away.

"Well, I hope your gods will keep their end of that deal," I murmured, swallowing as I leaned back, feeling incredibly exposed and cold all over as the queer aura of the eagle seemed to grow stronger. "Because I have a feeling something really bad is about to happen."

Entry #4
Social Catalyst. Hm, so that's what some of my classmates call me now. Well, I suppose I had a hoof in reforming our philosophy class, but really I simply acted as a vessel for Change, that ever-constant force. Still, nice to be recognized.

You gain extra dialogue options with specific characters, and you gain an additional point to your Charisma.

Comments

[Gamma Deekay]

For Goldwreath, the saying shouldn't be 'how can you get lost in a stable?', rather than 'how can you get into so much trouble in one?'. And just one day outside to stretch his wings and he's already flying again! Well, even if it's not under his own power, I'll give him props that he's got a hell of a lot of courage! Fun chapter, but I can't help but think that while he's gone, bad shit's going to go down back home. Looking forward to seeing exactly what's next!

[Delvius]

3671835 Why, actually, yes he is! Very much so, in fact.

3688781 He does have a lot of courage, indeed, to have gotten into so much involvement in less that two days. Ah well, it will all be justified later. Might I ask what you think of some of the developments in the chapter? I sure would love to know.

[Gamma Deekay]

3688886

Developments as in what? I'm glad the stable is finally coming around to seeing things the Legions way, but I also am still not so sure if the whole attack in the bottom levels was an actual enemy attack, or if it was a set up. Summer Sands seems to have made it out alright even though the others who were exposed faired far worse, which makes me curious (Though, I might just be curious over nothing, as is normally the case!)

As per things like the Legates friend dying, well it certainly threw him for a loop, and I'm sure we'll know exactly what he meant when paying reverence. Though, he still seems to have his own agenda, I've got a feeling that it had something to do with the representative.

[Delvius]

3689033 Well, you pretty much said it all there, haha. Developments as in anything you notice with the characters and the story; that is, really anything that happens at all. See, as a writer one of the things I learned is to give everything that is put into the story a purpose. Therefore, every paragraph has some degree of foreshadowing and whatnot. Just wanted to see what you thought in it all.

[Delvius]

3689312 It shall still be a battleground, though a bit... well, different.

[Delvius]

3710885 Much on that, yes. Though actual fighting will still be the focus of most battles.

[S3rb4n]

Another great chapter, Delvius! I could almost feel the tension of the camp and the urban combat in Apollania. This reboot looks just great, can't wait to see where it goes.

[Mr Swanky Hat]

"Because I have a feeling something really bad is about to happen."

Well you were fine before, but you just had to say that!