Sup, names [youcanread]. I love role playing games and fantasy stories. My best pony is Rarity and I hope you like my stories.
Transformations5,245 stories ·5,795 members
Chess Game of the Gods87 stories ·1,442 members
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As the walls close in on a haunted young woman, a man offers to grant her one wish. In exchange, she must become a pawn in game that has no end in sight and make her mark on this strange new yet familiar world. On her way she meets old friends, new friends and a chance confront her past.
-Blackwing/Rust universe
-Approved by RLYoshi, TroutKing, and Garion
-Not canon
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In the beggining its just a bit blank. Not that I'm complaining, chapter's good, but not everything is just BAM... a god appears. Try setting up some scenery and then have something happen to have them meet. Other than that... keep writing my friend.
2131762 I knew the begining didnt feel right. But the whole point of it is to get people chuckling.
"Big whoop, wanna fight about it?"
Had me chuckling, I remember hearing it before in a TV show, just done remember where.
2131848Family Guy. Never forgot that line after 8 years.
Anyway revising the opening alittle aside from that, anything else?
2131848
Ok, check out the opening now
Good job revising the opening. I have no other problems with the story, keep up the good work
Good, good. It's promising. One question though, does it immediately go into a crossover with another piece? or is that your OC?
2132507No those ponies at the bar are my LIVE friends. They're bronies that wanted to be written in. Cougarayne however is somepony that I made up on the spot. Posting now, thanks man
YOU CANT KILL A TANK
you can kill the driver by blowing UP the tank
2133966But a tank isnt alive
THE TANK IS A LIE!
Interdasting
Proceed.
this looks interesting and also is your oc brand from league of legends because he/she/it looks like brand
just asking
Hmm... To keep track, or not...
Screw it. I just wanna see if this turns out to be worth my time. Following. For now.
Okay, time for a bit of OCD advice.
#1 The Volcanic Wastes is two words; you spelled it 'Volcanicwastes
#2 You should probably beg your audience for a pre-reader. Pre-readers are awesome, they catch silly mistakes (See #1)
#3 Just my opinion, but I had no idea your character was a girl until the god said so. She seems kinda manly to me.
#4 Quick question, how many drafts did you write of this chapter?
i like it so far man cant wait for more
so...em... out of curiosity, how long did it took you to write this?
that aside, story seems cool.
2153501 Don't even know what that is
2153630 I had like 3 other pre-readers (one of them is another chess-verse writer) and I wanted to make her more of a tomboy but didn't establish until the hugs and kisses didn't I?
2154102 To answer both your questions, I've been working on this since thanksgiving and have had to completely rewrite it 4 times.
2154258look up the game league of legends and look up the champion 'Brand' they even have a website about it
but still cant wait for more of this story man keep up the good work
The story looks promising so far so keep it up! Also, I have got some very basic questions: a) where is your story in the timeline? (I mean that before the GGG or after), b) where did you get your idea for the species of the OC and the god?
That's all, if you want, you can PM me the answers and also, keep up the good work!
2156012GGG? I got Burjias and the Djinn species from a report that I had to do on foreign countries.
2157087
GGG as in Grand Gallopping Gala, and interesting source for the inspiration.
2157133Oh!
Yeah this is way after the GGG, I'll explain at what point this certain story is at, just wait till the next chapter.
Cool, better than my drivel.
Appletank out
you know we still have that argument to this day
great job bud giving a like and favorite 
Huh, so was Mitchell already a drunk or did we drive him to booze?
2179030 Mitchel was a college drunk before coming to equesria
A few errors, main one being cigarette and a lot
I love the OC, thank you so much for adding him and even though I'm not one for HIW, I'm give your story a look over and my honest option, this is going to be so much fum shit, I'm going to have a smoke myself
Not bad. Keep up the good work.
awesome man can't wait for the next update :
2276665 Let the guys know and thanks!
That is our game plan most days though, pinned down by enemies in BF3? "Knife Charge"
2277546
How you guys like it?
2277580 Hell yeah
2277653Not the answer I was looking for but Okay!
Next ones going to be out soon so watch those updates!
Damn, fight was short but pretty good, really hoping my OC does not like males
Not that I honestly have a problem with that. Will the group meet the Gods of Equestria anytime soon? You know, Celestia, Luna, Cadence, Discord Chrysalis and Discord, maybe even Twilight Sparkle if she is an Alicorn? Which would mean Spike is alive meaning....never mind, I'll wait for the next chapter, a few things were a bit hard to understand but over all not bad, I'll look over chapter one now. Think this may need a human tag
Ok, my bad, thought your OC was male and DAMN this now has my full attention now that I know what's going on, a giffion huh? Bad ass, wonder if they will meet any minor or major villians, I love this already, can't wait for the next chapter
Why would a God from another world visit Equestria, maybe he had a chat with Discord or something
2280503the chessgame of gods concept is basicaly all humans that come to EQ gets turn into a creature by a patron god from an earth culture. Idilah's patron is the arabic god of war Burijas. I dont know if they'll meet Celestia, what I do know is Nightheart is NOT gay.
2280571dammit!! Your the second person to confuse Idilah for a guy! Dammit! I need to have her take a bath or something. Then people would get it.
2280589 That's called a fail
and I'm hoping so, meeting the Goddess of the Sun? AWESOME! Yeah, my bad, had no clue that your OC was female until I read chapter one, I like her, she so bucking awesome, I'm guessing Nightheart has a bit of a crush on her then? I'm 100% down if such is the case my brother
2280663 you'll see. I would put an apple smug but i'm doing this from my phone
2280673 It's chill, this is going to be so much fun now lol, have another OC if you wish to use him
He's a dragon god.
2280735thats...kind of not alowed. No goddly creatures in the party. Sorry. But i'm happy to take oc suggestions! Just so long as they are not godly. Bring any you have and put them in my PM box
2280761 I did not mean for him to join them bro, he is a God, he could wipe them all out without even trying I meant for him to be friend or foe towards the group, personally i think foe would work the best.
2282865
I already have a villain planned for arc 1. But I can work with that for the second art!
awesome dude
2288888How's Mitchel reacting?
2283728 Bad ass and cool, I send you the info in a bit
Technically, he is a Draconequus. Or Dracon-Equis. Dragon-pony.
Just wondering, is Michael a unicorn?