You ever had a weird night? Try hearing a noise in the middle of the night, moving to the noise with deadly intent, only to see a creepy dude in red that says, "I am the god you've been waiting for."
Yeah, you thought you've had weird nights.
We were standing in my kitchen. He didn't look hostile, so I did what everybody should do when someone breaks into their house, I grabbed a beer out of the fridge behind me and popped it open. “So you're a god, huh?” I asked the man, sipping my beer. I couldn't remember what brand and didn't care, considering there was dude in front of me that somehow broke into my third floor apartment.
The man was dressed in a red suit and was six feet tall, muscular, bald, and had caramel-brown skin. He basically looked like a middle eastern businessman. This still didn't explain why the hell he was standing in my kitchen.
“Why yes, my dear. my name is Burijas, and I’m here to to make you an offer,” he replied in a middle eastern accent, smiling.
I took another sip. “Uh-huh, Burijas. Cool story, now care to tell me this offer before I carve you up like a turkey?” I said angrily, placing my left hand on a sharpened knife that I practically slept with.
He chuckled. “That would be fun. I haven't met blade fighter such as you since before you were born. Unfortunately, I would destroy you, but let me cut to the chase...” he cleared his throat with a disgusting cough and continued. “I need you to be my representative in a game of sorts...”
I pulled out my knife and pointed the blade at him, taking (yet another) sip. The blade was a inch away from his nose.
“You didn't let me finish,” he said, calmly staring at the blade. “A game of sorts where you would be able to bring your brother back to life.” That got my attention and my anger.
My brother was killed in action a year ago. Bring big brother back from the dead? Sure, that sounded well and good, but the thing is, his death was never announced publicly.
“How the hell do you know about my brother, you creep?!” I shouted at him, not lowering the blade for second. He chuckled again, now starting to piss me off.
“As I told you my dear, I’m a god. I know many things. And I for one, know that you want nothing more than to bring your brother back, and I’m offering a chance for you to get him back yourself,” he answered smugly.
I lowered my knife, only slightly. “So...what is this game?” I asked curiously.
He didn't let up on his smile. “Its very simple. I change you into a creature of my choosing, send you to the battlefield, and you figure out on your own how to revive your brother yourself,” he explained casually.
Well...I’ve got nothing better to do, I thought as I lowered my blade.
“Ok, I’m game. So, where’s this thing going to be at anyway?” I asked casually.
Burijas’s smile somehow grew wider and creeped me out even more. “I knew I made the right choice,” he said excitedly. “To answer your question, the game shall be taking place in a land you know quite well: Equestria...the land of ponies,” Burijas said dramatically. That made me start laughing uncontrollably, almost dropping my knife.
“You break into my house, tell me I can bring my brother back to life, and say you're sending me to the fucking MLP universe?!” I asked laughing. Burijas frowned.
“Look, I didn't make up the rules. Do you agree or not?” he asked annoyed.
I stopped laughing abruptly, my face going slack. “Fuck yeah, I agree. Do you have any idea how badly I’ve wanted my bro to come back home? Plus going to Equestria to do it? I’m definitely in,” I replied coldly.
Burijas’s creepy smile returned. “Well then my girl, the deal is struck. I’ll be there to give you your equipment. I have a great feeling you’ll make a good fire Djinn.” Burias snapped his fingers and I raised an eyebrow.
“Wait, a what-?” I asked, blacking out.
* * *
When I woke up, I was laying on my back, and all I could see was swirling red and yellow. ‘Why the hell am I laying down?’ I thought annoyed. I also noticed that I couldn't breath.
Panicking, I sat up, flailing my arms. Well...I didn't start really panicking until I looked down and saw that I was sitting in lava.
“WHAT THE FUCK!?” I yelled hopping up and running to the nearby black shore. I was shaking, completely scared shitless that I was napping in a lava pool.
Above the pool I came out of, was the wall of a mountain that reached up to only-god-knows-how high. I turned around to see that I was standing on a cliff overlooking an ash covered forest. The air slightly smelled like smoke and the blackened trees would sway, letting white- grey ash flow through the wind. The forest floor was also coated in the snow-like material, making me question how an ecosystem could function covered in ash.
I started to do a evaluation of my new body. My arms looked like cooled volcanic rock, black and crusty just like the mineral. My hand had only three fingers, plus my thumbs. I also noticed that there were swirling, pulsating amber-colored runes etched into them as well, running up to my shoulders. The runes seemed to outline my muscle tone, practically highlighting my slim, toned arms. My body was the same way. My legs were double-kneed like a cat’s and my feet were also clawed. I was still wearing my black short-shorts that somehow survived the lava bath, along with my red T-shirt.
“Liking your new form my girl?” a voice said from behind me, making me jump a little bit.
I turned to the god and scowled. “You scared the living FUCK out of me!” I yelled at the god, who was still in his fancy wear.
“I apologize my girl, but it is time that you learn what you are and who I am. I am Burijas, Persian god of war,” he said dramatically, pulling a hand-mirror out of nowhere.
I looked into the mirror and saw that my face was still the same just...blacker than I was used to. My face was just as runed as my body, the amber runes running up my cheeks to my forehead and swirling to the back of my head. My long hair was literally on fire, flowing with the slight wind around us. I gave the mirror a smile to see that all my teeth were long and jagged, like shark teeth. It also looked like my insides were still flesh.
“And you are a fire Djinn,” he said smugly.
“Cooool,” I said amazed. Burijas nonchalantly threw the mirror behind him, into the lava pool I had come out of.
“Now, I don't have a lot of time, so heres what equipment I can give you,” Burijas said reaching behind him, pulling out a long, black duster. My black duster.
He tossed it to me and I caught it. It was a simple black duster that you’d probably seen in western movies or ‘The Dresden File’ covers. It was also one of the last things that my brother bought for me before leaving.
I looked down at it disappointed. “Of all the things you could have given me from my closet, you gave me my duster? GENIUS!” I yelled at him, insultingly.
Burijas smirked. “You think I would drop one of my soldiers without proper protection? Well... you're half right. That coat is just one out of a few ‘presents’ I have have in store for you. The rest of your equipment, you’ll find in your travels. All of them modified beyond your comprehension. That coat however, is just a coat that's immune to you're hot nature,” he explained.
I eyed him at that last part. “What do you mean by, ‘hot?’” I asked him suspiciously.
His smirk turned into a full-blown smile. He was starting to piss me off with that smile. “You’ll figure it out. For now, ta-ta!” he said snapping his fingers and he started to disappear. I was going to just wave it off but then I remembered...
“WAIT! How do I find my brother?!” I yelled to the spot Burijas had been standing seconds ago. Damnit! I thought to myself before turning and seeing a small village in the distance.The only detail I could make from such a distance was the black coloration of the houses.
I contemplated finding a path off the mountain, but decided that that plan had too much walking involved. I looked off the side of the cliff to see that it was curved, and snow-like ash had accumulated on it. I could probably make it, I thought as I placed both of my clawed feet on the ash covered side of the mountain and started to slide down it...
Until I tripped on a rock...
"CRAAAAP!" I yelled midair. My attempt to fly quickly turned into a tumble down the mountain.
Ok so trying to slide down the side of a mountain wasn't the best idea. Big whoop, wanna fight about it?
So after sliding two feet, I tripped on a rock and started rolling down the mountain. Did you ever roll down a hill as a kid? Well imagine doing that for an hour, and you’ll know how I know it feels to roll down an ash covered mountain side.
Which is to say that it hurt...alot.
Don't ask me what I saw going down because I had my eyes closed. So how did I know when the fantastic ride was over? By slamming face-first into a mound of grey ash of course.
That just so happened to be in front of a tree.
I had only one word to say about that impact. “Owww,” I groaned under a mound of ash. I raised my right arm and slammed my claws onto the black tree and used that hand-hold to pull myself out of the ash mound and on my feet.
“Well, I’m not doing that ever again,” I said as held my head in my claws. The pain was...moderate. Sure I just rolled down a mountain, headfirst into a tree, but I only had a considerably minor headache.
I would have stood there all day thinking of theories of my new skin, but however light the headache, it hurt to think. “Again, owwww,” I groaned rubbing my forehead.
I was standing in what was simply, a black forest. The trees looked like burned pine trees and looked healthy too, as if they had grown in the environment. The possibility of that confusing conclusion made my head hurt even more. What was once a minor headache turned into full-blown head pain.
And when I’m in pain, I get angry.
I punched the black tree that had so viciously assaulted my face, and my fist made a deep dent. A burning, deep dent. I stared at my fist and then at the fist-shaped dent in the tree. Huh...should have expected that considering he called me a fire...whatever he said. Now lets head east, I thought as I began walk in that direction. Only to trip over my new legs.
This is starting to get really old, really fast. I thought as I, once again, picked myself up off the forest floor. Apparently walking on on cat feet was more difficult than I thought. So like all of us when we were rug-rats, I started with slow baby-step. After an hour of walking through the creepy, black forest, I took off in a sprint east.
The forest, as I said before, was dark and creepy. Though my run to town was uninterrupted, I began to get paranoid at the shape of the shadows the trees made. All of them looking like they wanted to grab my feet and...Considering night was falling, it was probably a bad time to be afraid of the dark.
Yes, I know, a 21 year-old girl, afraid of the dark. Big whoop, wanna fight about it?
Anyway, as I ran, I tried to push my nyctophobia aside and focus on the fact that I had been running in an intense sprint for at least 20 minutes and I wasn’t even tired. Wow, even when I did track in highschool, I never had this much endurance. I thought as I skidded to a stop in a clearing in front of my destination.
From where I was standing, I could only see a couple of buildings. To my left was a low, wooden building that could have been a sheriff’s office from an old western. To my right and in front of the sheriff’s office was a saloon straight out of Red Dead: Redemption.
The building had two floors; the top floor had a large balcony with several windows, along with a set of double-doors leading out to the balcony.The bottom floor had only two windows and a smaller set a double-doors. I considered going to the sheriff’s office but then remembered the number one fact of adventuring...
Drunks are the best informants.
On my way to the saloon, I noticed severe lack of townspeople. Hell, I even saw a tumbleweed pass by me on the saloon’s porch. Where the hell are all the ponies? Wait is that music? I thought, pushing in the saloon doors.
The inside of the bar was what you’d expect; shabby tables and chairs, oak top bar with a wide array of poisons (alcohol) behind it. An old piano in the back with someone, or in this case somepony, playing it. Mares of various colors wearing what I could only assume were call-girl outfits, serving drinks to patrons. What I did not expect was the entire population of the town in the bar. It wasn't much, but there were at least 30 ponies, in that bar.
On my way over to the bar itself, I kept getting weird looks. Not weird as in, what is this new creature? No, weird looks as in the many technicolor stallions ogling me. Some of them gave me the new creature stare, but others kept oddly staring at my legs.
Even in pony bars, I get looks. I don't know whether thats good or bad. I thought as I sat on a stool in front of the bar and closed my eyes. I tried to listen in on the many discussions going on in the room in search of information Altair style.
Unfortunately, it isn't as easy as Assassin’s Creed makes it out to be. There were too many voices and I quickly learned that, 1. I couldn't listen to them all. 2. Most of them were about enlisting some of the many call-mares in the room ‘services.’
I sighed in defeat and opened my eyes. The barkeep stood in front of me waiting. She was peach-colored unicorn, with big blue eyes, a curly black mane, and a call-girl outfit to match her coat. “Well hello there honey. My name is Cougarayne. Excuse me for being rude, but what are you?” she asked curiously.
I shrugged. “I don't really know. Hell I don't even know where I am,” I replied.
The Cougarayne smiled. “Why, you my friend are in Ashville. The most well hidden town you’ll find in the Volcanicwastes,” she said proudly. “Now, what can I get you?”
I took a look at all the various bottles behind her and almost told her to give me a hard apple cider. But then I remembered I had no money. “Well, damn. I guess nothing, I’m broke,” I deadpanned.
Cougarayne frowned, looked to my right and smile again. “Maybe you could ask those fine gentelcolts to buy you a drink,” she suggested and winked. I looked to my right to see a brown pony and a black griffon, arguing. I turned back to the mare, nodded, and moved closer to the guys.
The pony was a brown unicorn with a buzz-cut mane and a U.S. style cavalry sword strapped to his side. His cutiemark was a red negative zero.The griffon was completely black, his head to his tail. The only thing that wasn't black was his beak, the war axe on his back, and the steel armor that him and his pony companion were wearing.
“For the last damn time, you can't kill a tank!” the griffon yelled to the pony next to him.
Wait what did he say? I thought, moving closer to them. Now I was only two stools away from them and neither noticed me.
“Of course you can! All you have to do is blow it up,” the unicorn replied stupidly at the griffon. The griffon face-clawed.
I swear I’ve heard this argument before- NO FREAKING WAY! I practically yelled in my head. I recognized these guys, reason why I stayed out of the argument to watch the fun.
“You can't kill something that isn't alive! And why the hell are we even talking about this? Look at where we are! I’m pretty damn sure we won't find tanks here!” the griffon yelled at the unicorn.
The unicorn levitated a square shaped bottle to his muzzle and took a swig. I kid you not, the bottle was AppleJack Daniels. “Because I’m drunk, that's why,” the unicorn slurred. “And I wanted to argue about it because I’m definitely not going to remember this when I wake up,” he slurred again, leaning out of his stool.
The unicorn didn't so much as fall out of his seat, as he did flopped out of it. He laid completely still, but his chest was rising and falling, so he was still alive. Other bar patrons paid him no mind and stepped over him when they passed.
The griffon looked down at him and sighed. “Why, even in an alternate dimension, do I continue to hang out with you Michael? he asked the unconscious unicorn. He looked up and finally noticed me, his eyes growing to the size of dinner plates.
Ok, to tell you the truth, that really creeped me out.
“Idilah?!” he yelled running to me, hopping over Mitchael.
“Nathan! What the hell are you doing here?” I asked, wrapping my arm around his neck, giving him a quick, tight hug.
Nathan and Michael were friends from college. Almost every time I walked in on them talking on Xbox or studying, they would be arguing over that same, very stupid, discussion about Battlefield 3 tanks. That didn't explain why they were in Equestria as a freaking griffon and a unicorn.
He pulled away from the hug and stared at me. “Me? What about you? I.D., you’ve been missing for a month! At least before we came here,” he said astonished.
Wait, a month? What dafaq? “Wait what do you mean?” I asked curiously.
Nathan smiled and turned to the Cougarayne. “Yo, barkeep! Can I get two beers? I’ve got a story to tell my friend here,” he yelled to her. The unicorn levitated two beers in front of us and Nathan me what happened...