//------------------------------// // What a twist! // Story: The Smokeless Flame // by BIGBLACKINTOSH //------------------------------// When I came to, I quickly found that I was strapped tight to a hospital bed. Where the fuck am I? I asked myself, trying to be calm. I was in the med bay, I was still naked, and I was captured... On my own ship...Great. I also noted that there were a bunch of male animal creatures on said ship when I was knocked out. “If any of you did anything to me, I will hang your balls on my mantle!” I yelled to ceiling. I heard a chuckle and some hoof steps coming my way. “Oh don't flatter yourself. Even dogs wouldn't look at a fat ape like yourself,” I heard Jill say. Her ugly mug loomed over my face, smiling like the freaking joker. “Lets get down to business shall we? What do you know about your existance?” “Um...What?” She went out of my vision and I heard the crashing sounds of a tantrum before coming back into view. “How you were born you ignorant thing! How you came to be!” “I was born from the wicked womb of the White Bitch. Sprung from the loins of the Black Devil,” I laughed. She banged her hoof next to my head. “Don't laugh at me!” she shrieked. “What do you want me to fucking say?” I laughed. “That I was born a demon or something?” “I want you to figure out why you're here. For fucks sake, I want you to figure out why your left eye is the way it is,”she whispered even quieter. I stayed quiet and let her continue. “Oh you better listen. I've been a devout follower of Burijas for years. I know you were chosen to be cursed with these marks,” she explained, running her hoof over my arm. “For the express reason of being here. To become a part of a grand prophecy. One so grand in scope -,” “Wait, wait. Stop, stop, stop, stop,” I urged. “You know, I could follow that you were some Handsome Jack knock-off was just looking for treasure. But if you seriously sit there and tell me that you're some god-no-one-cares-about worshiping fuck with another prophecy, I’m seriously going to lose my shit,” I said harshly. Jill almost smacked me but her face softened, as if she was calm. “Thats alright,” she whispered. “Thats all fine my little Janny friend. Because even if you don't believe, I know what you are.” “And what am I?” “You're just a scared little ape with so much power in you and not one clue how to unlock it. Or at least thats what you were. Whatever thing you ran into put a lock on all your powers and memories I suspect. Or, some of them at least,” she hinted. I raised an eyebrow curiously. “What do you mean?” I stared at the bottle, almost drawn to its existence. “And what is that going to do?” She popped the cork with her magic. “Come here Flan and do your job!” She called behind her, Flan nervously coming into vision. She looked awful, covered in bruises and cuts. Jill brought her eyes back onto me with a smile. “This is going to make this little operation a whole lot easier,” she laughed. Flan floated a menacing spinning spoon as she poured the dream essence on my face. Flan shivered as she brought the spoon looking tool down on my right eye. “Enjoy the dreamland I’m about to send you to. I hope what you find is at least enlightening before you die,” Jill laughed wickedly. Just before I could start screaming, my consciousness slipped into the darkness known as my mind. === “Gods above fucking dammit!” I shouted out of the cave opening. I frantically paced back and forth, swinging angrily at the air. “She just stormed the fucking ship like it was fucking nothing. And we fucking let her!” “Night,” someone said behind me. Whoever it was, I did not give a shit at the moment. “And she just took her like it was fucking nothing! What the fuck is wrong with us!? We’ve fought fucking dragons! Monsters! And we let a little unicorn take her away?!” “Dude shut the fuck up and listen for ounce!” I turned to Crow scowling face and snarled. I never really liked Crow, but right now, I felt like killing him. “Our captain and friend just got taken and your calm?!” I shouted, getting in his face. Crow calmly placed a finger on my nose and pushed me out of his face. “Dude you need to calm the hell down.” I huffed and back away before I could lose my temper. This was a damn disaster. We were looking for Idilah’s clothes on the sails (how she got up there, I’ll never know) and Jill blindsided us. Velcro was beheaded and separated from her body within seconds. Arige and Kitty were tazed (still trying to figure out what that means)  by Jill. And then everyone else got captured in other embarrassing ways because my author doesn't want to explain them. Fourth wall destroyed. Memory erased. Resuming function. I shook my head and look at my surroundings, trying to figure out where I was. That was weird “What was I doing again?” I asked myself, staring at a wall. “You were going to get over here before we leave ye behind!” I heard Black yell to me. I turned around, only to scream at the sight of a giant black dragon. It’s body was huge, almost taking up most of the cave entrance. “Where the fuck did that thing come from?!” I stuttered. Everybody was on its back as if this wasn't a big fucking deal. “Come on man we got to rescue I.D.!” Crow shouted. “Umm.... Okay,” I muttered nervously as I climbed onto the creature’s back. Not to comfortable that it’s a black fucking dragon but since everybody else was doing it. I climbed on onto the back of the monstrous dragon sitting down behind Black.  “So um, what was the plan again?” I asked nervously. Black let out a clever chuckle and patted his cutiemark. “Simple lad; we use me bum to track the lass. Should be able get er trail as soon as we take off,” he explained. I gave the dragon I was sitting on a nervous look. “And who’s our ride?” “This,” Black said,patting his huge scales. “Be Picante. Got him from that trade with Jill. But I honestly wouldn't had if I’d known how much of cunt she was. Anyway, Hotsauce is going to be out transport and our weapon. Aint that right Pic?” The giant dragon huffed happily and yelled. “Hail satan!” Black nervously chuckled. “Yeah, he says that a lot. Alright, everybody strapped in?” he shouted behind us. Everyone held a expression of reasonable concern. Well, all except Kitty who bounced on the dragons back. “Come on, come on! Bidded time is wasted time! Lets get moving!” Vito, who was behind her nodded. “No one steals from us twice. Right Don?” he asked the wolf-dog beside him. Mastadon howled. “Been looking for some pay back!” “I swear I’m going to stick this grenade up her ass when I find her!” Shouted Boom, who surprised everyone into an awkward silence. Black shrugged and tapped on Picante’s back twice. “You heard the lass, lets get a move on before I lose ‘er.” Picante slowly stepped out of the opening, careful of our presence on his back. The moment I could see the sun, Picante’s giant wings came up from both sides of his body, threatening to knock us off if we any closer to them. In a single beat, we were in the clouds on our way to our captured ship, to rescue my crush. Inyuasha go fuck yourself. I let that thought linger in my head before noticing we were missing some people. “Hey, wheres Ghost?” --- “So what boss mare do with little pony?” Asked a hulking bulldog looking diamond dog to another smaller one. The small chiwawa shrugged. “Think she put her in bottom deck. Said she dropping all things she don't need.” The bigger dog grunted and turned around to Herpy, who was tied to a chair. His right eye was bruised badly and his left wing was bent at a weird angle. They were all in the smithing room. Jill had ordered the dogs to gut the room for anything they couldn't use. The bigger dog grabbed a design blueprint off the table next to Herpy and stared at it curiously. “What be this?” He asked the gryphon. Herpy muffled something under his gag. The dog grunted, annoyed and ripped off the gag only to hear Herpy laugh. “Something that about to kill you in a second,” he chuckled. Both dogs laughed as if he told a joke. “Who kill us? You little birdy?” The big one asked. Herpy’s eyes quickly looked away from them and he smiled even harder. “No, but he is.” The dogs stared at eachother before my blade went through both of their necks, both of their confused expressions still on their faces as their bodies dropped to the floor. I dropped my cloak and went behind Herpy. “You could have waited a bit longer before letting them know,” I told him with false annoyance. Herpy got out of the chair and immediately fell. I caught him before he could hit the floor and heard him chuckle. “You know me by now friend. I take pride when something of mine is about to be used. Especially when it saves my life,” he vaguely thanked me, as I say him up straight. He looked me up and down, examining me. “You weren't captured,” he deduced. I rubbed the back of head. “I kind of hid in the vents when they boarded,” I admitted, embarrassed. When Jill and her dogs had boarded, I was in the kitchen making lunch. When I heard screams and blows I scrambled into the vent above the stove. Herpy eyebrows went straight up. “We have vents?” I turned around and pointed up to the vent above his forge, which almost burned my ass getting in here. Theres a network of vents that go through the ship. Followed the smoke here.” Herpy nodded. “So where are the others?” I shrugged. “I think they might have been left behind. You know Arige would have fucked up everything by now.” “Then who’s left besides us?” I looked down to the dead dogs. Damn that swords sharp. Uneven, but freaking sharp. “Those guys said Velcro was in the bottom deck. We’re going to need her if were going to strike back.” “Then get down to there and get her. I’m going to finish a project,” he grunted, struggling to his workbench. I stared at him skeptically. “We’re under attack and-” “Trust me,” he assured me. “Just go. I’ll be fine,” he said as he took some tools from under the table, assembling something I never seen before. I couldn't make it out, but he was working faster than I’d ever seen him. I nodded to him and got a running jump up to the vent above the forge. Thank god he wasn't using it. I quickly started crawling through the vent used to the heat again. “Now I know what a- No Mitchel! You're not that cliche!” I whispered to myself, trying hard not to quote Diehard. I came to a crossroads in the system and huffed. “Great now where to go-” “I’m not a fucking hacky sack you fucking fleabags! Attach me to my body so I can rip you to shreds!” yelled a filly. It was coming from the right vent, so immediately shuffled to it. I regretted that decision the moment I saw the drop down. “Shiiiiiit!” I yelled as I fell down the shaft, face first. My very short ride ended as soon as my face connected to a grate. The grate quickly gave way and landed on skinny diamond dog, smashing his head on the floor. I shook my head and quickly recovered from my fall. “Thats the last time I use the express elevator,” I chuckled, opening my eyes to see two big angry diamond dogs. One looked like a rottweiler, while the other looked like a golden retriever. The golden retriever looked vaguely female, what with the yellow gang vest covering where her breasts would be. The rottweiler was holding Velcro’s head. She chomped at the dog’s legs and snarled. “I swear you fleabags are gonna-” she hissed before the dog holding her threw her on a pile of junk on the floor. The stuff was from Nathan’s room. A bunch of his lapis lazuli trinkets and samples were in the pile along with everyone else’s personal effects. Nathan is not going to be happy. On top of the pile was Nightheart’s mom’s  leg, which had started to rot and stink. Thank goodness it was down here. Also there in the junk pile was Velcro’s body, which she desperately tried rolling to. The rottweiler growled and picked his spear off the ground and charge at me without warning. He thrust his spear into my confused face, surely ending my life. Well, he would have, if I hadn't cloned and cloaked myself a second before he charged. His spear went right through my face as if it wasn't there. He stared at my hollowgram, confused. “Where pony go?” he asked before I stabbed my sword into his back, right though his heart. He gurgled a bit of blood before falling flat on the ground. I shifted my sword and laughed. “Right here!” I turned around to the golden retriever and gave her my best growl. “You want some too?” The bitch (yes thats appropriate) dropped her spear and raised her hands. “My give up! I give up!” she stuttered over her words. “Yeah better give up. Velcro, you good?” Velcro finally got her head on her shoulders and suavely slipped on her hat. “Yeah I’m fine wheres Flan?” I shook my head. “Don't know, but I think the last of the dogs are on the top deck with the zebras.” “Don't they have names?” I sighed. “Even if they do, do you really care? Like really?” Velcro shook her head. “Then why are even bothering to rescue them?” I couldn't see a reachable vent anywhere, so I just went straight toward the elevator lines. “Because someone has to clean up our messes. Now come on, lets-” A huge crash above interrupted me, shaking the entire ship. Velcro barely wobbled. “What the hell was that?” I hooked a hoof onto an elevator line and waved the other. “Come on, lets go see.” Velcro trotted over to the magic rope next to me and we both zipped straight up. Halfway to the top deck, I spotted smoke coming out of the crew deck. “Hold on!” I shouted, squeezing the rope a bit harder, forcing it to stop. Velcro and I hopped off the line to ogle at the sight before us. The banquet table was in pieces. Idilah Blood, surrounded by dead dogs, naked, holding a diamond dog by his snapped neck, laughing. Oh yeah, he was on fucking fire too. “Hmm, if only my dad was Michael Vick. This would make a lot more sense than it does,” she chuckled, dropping the dog’s corpse on the broken remains of the banquet table. “Whoa Idilah...Why are you still na- Sweet jesus, what the hell happened to your face?!” I shrieked as she turned to face us. The entire left side of her body had turned black and ragged like brimstone. The runic symbols that cover her body glowed dark red. Her left eye was closed tight, constantly leaking blood down the charred half of her body. She laughed wickedly as she slowly and casually strolled up to me. She got in my face and gave me a creepy smile. “Oh, silly Mitchiel. I’ve always been like this. Just took a really vague and distanced enemy to make me see it. Lets go deal with said enemy shall we?” She suggested, walking away from us, going toward her room.. Velcro stared at the demonized girl, completely stunned. “Wh-what is she?” she stuttered. I calmed myself from the chilling display and took a breath. “This is what 'Dila looked like when she got here,” I answered as Idilah came out of her room wearing the same boyshorts and tank top she's had on for the last two weeks. “Ugh, I need new clothes. I’ve made sure to wash this stuff and it still stinks,” she muttered, disgusted. She rushed over to the elevator lines and jumped onto one, completely ignoring us. Idilah grabbed a line and waved her hand invitingly. “Come on lets go kill this bitch.” Velcro gulped and joined us before we started zipping straight up. I looked over to Idiah, automatically facing her re-charred side. “So what happened?” Idilah stayed quiet and smiled all the way through the ride, ignoring my question. We reached our floor of the top deck and were treated to the sight of over forty former diamond dog mercenaries (where the fuck was she getting all these idiots?) surrounded around something. They were all staring at it with rapt attention, trying to get even closer when it started glowing. I stepped forward and cloaked but Idilah blocked me, smiling at the spectacle. “Wait for it,” she whispered excitedly. Suddenly whatever the dogs were staring at exploded in a flash of light. The explosion caused a shockwave, pushing the surrounding dogs on their backs. In the center of the confused ring was Jill, radiating power like a Glowing One. “Yes!” She shouted her voice spilt as if two people were talking through her. Her right eye’s pupil was in the same weird formation that Idilah’s was- Oh...So thats why her right eye’s closed  “Finally, the vessel arrives. Now that my strength has returned, I may now take whats-” “Oh shut the fuck up Sheytan!” Idilah shouted at her, her smile fading. “You couldn't have fucking asked for a body? We totally didn't have like three useless crewmembers that you ‘o so conveniently tossed overboard.” The ring of dogs that surrounded Sheytan/Jill got back up rubbing their heads. Jill pushed pass a confused dog, giving Idilah a wicked smile. “That’s why I have such a disliking for you Jann. You don't know the rules. You see destiny as this creature does!” She shouted back. She stood proudly in front of the small army behind her, the diamond dog soldiers starting to form ranks behind her. “And that is why you die here today. Another stepping stone in the staircase to power. Why are you laughing?” She asked raising an eyebrow. She was right, Idilah was cackling, staring right at the sky. “Because, you talk all this smack as if I give a shit,” she laughed. “You act as if I care theres some prophecy I don't know about. You act as if I care that you're betraying me. And the funniest thing is, you don't see the gigantic dragon over our heads.” Everyone looked up to see what she was talking about and saw a huge fucking dragon over  our heads. The thing was almost the size of the ship easily. And by the time Jill and everyone looked up it was gone. “You cannot hope to trick-” Nightheart, Crow and the rest of the crew dropped down in flurry of screeches, yells and feathers. Nightheart cracked his knuckles and rolled his neck, smiling. “You were saying?” Idilah strolled beside him and elbowed him and elbowed his side. “Show off,” she playfully huffed. Nightheart blushed, not taking his glared off Sheytan. “Not my fault. Our crew want blood,” he laughed, turning to the rest of the grinning calvary. There was a whipping and static noise behind us and two diamond dogs on either side of Sheytan clutched their stomachs and go down. We turned around to see Flan and Herpy sporting some new gear. Herpy was standing on his hind legs, sporting a badass compound crossbow, grinning like a madman. Flan had a mass of four artificial unicorn horns on her back, radiating electricity, arcing between the horns and the bolts in her neck. “Are we late to ze party?” “I’ve been itching to test this,” Herpy said. “And what better target than a psychopath?” He boasted, loading another bolt. “Well then...” Idilah muttered rubbing her fists. Her hands suddenly caught fire, along with the entire left side of her body. Her skin turned back to it’s normal terrifying brimstone black, her red runes flaring intensely. The only part of her body that wasn't back to normal was the rest of her face. She smiled devilishly. “Lets gets busy!”