NICE!!!

so looking foward to more

Yeeees.

Methinks you should add a warning though. Some folks might not like this sort of thing.

I must say, I liked the erotic hypnosis. I can already tell this is going to result in Twilight taking on all of them at once. Sweetie needs the guidance most, but the study range Vinyl's talking about would benefit the most from the resources Twilight could make available...meanwhile, Twilight could enjoy debating with Fleur...and I have the strange feeling Trixie's in love with Twilight or something.

3660115 sad but so true but as far as I'm conserned the erotic brings the fun to the good story that this is

I didn't really like this chapter. I didn't hate it, but I didn't like it either. There was just this pervasive feeling while reading it, that everything was just a little bit off.

First there's Fleur. I don't like her character. Mainly because you haven't developed it much. We don't really know all that much and of what is there, there is nothing either positive or negative. She's really a nothing character so far, so I couldn't really bring myself to care about what happened in this chapter.

Secondly, and while this may dip a little into fanon, her conversation with Twilight weirded me out a bit. She's able to have an intellectual conversation about magic and keep up with probably one of the most knowledgeable ponies on the subject. How? Sweetie I get, you were going for a magical savant vibe. Vinyl I get, since her knowledge was more or less focused on her field. But Fluer? Its not that I don't think there are people smarter than Twi, if it was an academic and there were discussing their field of specialty, fine. But Fluer? So far, all we know is that she's some kind of socialite, who only wanted to do the apprenticeship program for the connection and to have sex with Twilight.

Lastly, the whole hypnosis scene made Twilight seem like an idiot. She has no reason to trust fluer the way she does. She acts like Fluer telling her what the lattice did was some trustworthy revelation, but its not. Fluer all but states the only reason she told twi about the hypnosis is because she knew Twi would recognize the spell almost immediately and react badly. And Twi only guarantees her a spot in the next round, not the position outright, so Fluer has plenty of motivation to put stuff in Twi's head. Plus, while the previous sex scene seemed more...organic, since the two kind of bumble into it, this just seemed forced.

Like I said, not a bad chapter, not a lot of big plot holes or anything, just a lot of nitpicks that stopped me from enjoying it and I felt like airing them. Maybe I'm wrong about all these (since as I said, some are based on fanon and opinion) but still

Edit: Also, something that just occurred to me, Twilight states that the problem with hypnotism is finding someone you trust to open up to...and then opens up to Fluer, a practical stranger...because she found her hot? see why I think Twi comes off as an idiot?

Very nice one! You keep impressing me.

3660433

I would like to point out the the story states that Twilight had wanted to try erotic hypnotism, so she sees this as her chance to do so, in a relatively safe environment. Fleur says that she doesn't want to use the hypnotism to influence Twilight's decision, and does not do so, something very honorable, in my opinion. All and all a very interesting story. Although I am a bit confused as to why she accepted Sweetie Belle's application if she was looking for somepony to have frequent sexual encounters with, if she didn't plan on actually doing anything with the filly, that actually seems out of character for the Twilight in the story

Very good, as erotic hypnosis goes, even if it was kept very tame.

3660996

I am going to elaborate more on this later, but the short answer is relatively simple: she didn't have any reason not to. She went into the interview with Sweetie assuming that she'd find any and all kinds of reasons to dismiss her as an applicant. And Sweetie turned it on her by demonstrating knowledge, initiative, practical applications, curiosity, determination, and an understanding of logical cause, effect, and procedure. It was basically everything Twilight would have told her she didn't have.

And since Twilight's made a point of not hiring for the Apprenticeship based entirely on the need to get some (which I will be honest she hasn't really demonstrated yet), the point I wanted to make with both Fleur and Vinyl's scenes is that a pony can get the job without any of the sexual content. Such as how Fleur wouldn't even turn the thing on without making sure she'd gotten the job (or at least passed the interview) legitimately.)

The sex is kind of a side-plot misadventures thing underlying a more practical scenario.

3660433
as four your concerns with the motivation into the hypnosis scene, zurvan up there has it pretty much right.

That and, (again I may not have illustrated this as thoroughly as I would like), this is something Twilight has always been interested in. While normally you wouldn't just openly accept such a scenario, her curiosity and desire to partake led to her simply finding rationalizations for allowing Fleur to continue.

There's also going to be some more non-sexual plot-based chapters later that should elaborate more on some details that I don't want to share yet, if that helps.

3661463

okay, that makes sense, sorry for doubting you, although I'm kind of curious if Sweeties gonna find out what the other applicants are doing and try and seduce Twilight herself, that could be interesting

3662151

Not to be too spoiler-y, but there's an entire chapter dedicated to that question farther down the line.

3661463
3660996
My concerns were not so much that Fleur did do something bad, but that she had the motive, and opportunity and it makes Twilight look like a horny idiot for trusting her. As I said, while what Fleur did looks honourable, anyone who thought about it would realise it all comes across as self-serving. even if she genuinely told Twi to be honourable, she also mentions that Twi would have realised it straight away, meaning it wasn't really a choice at all. And asking if she was through to the next round beforehand is meaningless because its still just the next round. And Twilight may have wanted to try erotic hypnotism, but she also specifically says:

The trouble with it, I find, lies in finding someone you believe to be trustworthy enough to... relinquish yourself to

And as I've said, Fleur is a stranger. Even if you take all of Fleur's actions at face value, which a smart person shouldn't when dealing with a stranger who wants something from you, then I still don't think this applies to Fleur. One of her friends maybe, but Fleur gives her one action that supposedly shows her trust, and that's enough for her. You say its curiosity and desire, but that coupled with the abruptness of the appearance of the hypnosis plot device makes it come across as idiotic, like you're forcing it, like it isn't something an intelligent mare like Twilight would actually do. Maybe if the beginning scene had been longer, and they'd gone into more detail about lady what's her name and fleur had mentioned that the lady studied mind control and Twilight showed an interest and it evolved from there. As it stands....I don't feel you've addressed any of the points, really

3662188
I'm gonna take a wild stab in the dark and say while the others end up devolving into increasing attempts to get into Twi's metaphorical pants, Sweetie is the only one who actually tries to be an Apprentice, and ends up getting the position.

3662685

I see your point there Runewalker, I had not thought about it in that particular way. You're very right on the discussion of the sorceress, whatever her name was, horrible that I can't remember even. Mayhaps the conversation you mentioned should've been included, would certainly make considerably more sense, and make Twilight look considerably less gullible

Of course, Spike had had to poe her several times to keep her from drooling on the floor. More than she was, anyway.

Poke

3663535 thanks.

Twilight’s gaze settled on the gentle swirling pattern. “That was certainly a good idea...” she trailed off, her voice relaxed as she leaned forward.”

Delete the quotation mark

Fleur was happy to oblige. “Seven. Eight. Nine,” she counted out loud, her voice rising steadily as she moved from broad, slow strokes to shorter kneading motions, right around her wing joint. Just where the wing beck Twilight’s back, she rolled her hoof along the tender flesh.

Don't you mean met?

wasn’t the the countess

I assume you meant "wasn't she the".

spending ore time

Pretty sure you meant "more".

There needs to be more quality erotic hypnosis stuff out there. This was beautiful <3

I'm... actually kinda worried about when Trixie's interview comes up. You've done a great job showing the others skills and knowledge to be considered. I'm wondering if Trixie's gonna be the odd mare out and be shown to be a complete and utter dunce to break the pattern.

Interesting chapter! Found a few minor errors:
"she waited with nay an observable care in the world" - "nary" would be more appropriate.
"before they could ponder to thoroughly on the subject" - too.
"As in it only works if the subject wants it too" - to, unless you meant in the sense of "as well", then using "as well" or "also" would look better (less like a typo).
"‘She’ll give up verbalizing entirely unless I ask her too, soon enough, " - to.
“Well, do you wantto move?” - needs a space.

i was frozen today

I di not really like this chapter. Fleur just seems to high on her self and a little bitchy. Hell Sweeties interview was better and sweet seemed smarter too.

Hmmm, I like the magic that was going on and hypnosis honestly does intrigue. As for Fluer, not a fan of her. She seems a bit too lofty and detached in a way that seems a bit sociopathic. She disturbs me, and add to that the total lowering of males to her repertoire .... not a fan. She is detached and bland in a not bland way that just freaks me out a bit.

i did something similar to luna in my story the cat among pony kind, and how i got a job as an ambassador, except i used all forms of stimuli to convince her i was a changeling converting her into chrysalis' replacement, it worked, and she nuzzles me a lot now, of course when i told her about it, she took my cotton candy mist machine which i used.
fun times, erotic? possibly
not that i enjoy eros, i am srictly asexual so, i only have science on my side, like naked singularity (if you haven't read it, shame on you)

Okay I have to admit, this chapter made me a bit ill. Mental control or influencing is really something that I just find repulsive, even when it was with consent it still bothered me.

Despite that, I still found the chapter to be pretty well written (as much as I don't fancy it, the hypnosis scene was of a good quality) and I can't wait for the next one. I really don't like Fleur thought, but at least her chapter is over now.

3663535
You've done my job for me.
ahahaa

I, quite honestly, haven't explored this fetish at all yet. I sort of... like it...
What have you done? I have enough strange fetishes anyway!
I'm kidding. This story is excellent overall.
Very well, my good sir.
Cookie?

3841430 Only if it is chocolate chip.

3842999
Of course!

there isn't any foalcon

And like that you've lost me. Meh, it's my own damn fault.

Sweetie and Fleur both mentioned alicium, maybe Fleur knows some methods to work around Sweetie's problem and can teach her??? I wouldn't mind working for Fleur if the only demand she has for me is to be silent in her presence.. Especially if her first step in redecorating is to have a fire sale of all the stuff she doesn't want. I'm sure I'd enjoy smashing up some worthless stuff for fun.

That was creative. I don't see much erotic hypnosis, very nice change of pace. And it wasn't just "play with yourself" it was "I'm gonna play with your wing and you'll feel it between your legs." I can't wait till the next chapter.

3704562

Well, when you factor Zelda into it....

*runs away from angry cuccoos*

JUST DON'T BRING A SWORD AND YOU WO-!

*cuccoos leave corpse behind*

And don't have only three hearts....

So... did Duster teach Fleur how to do it or is she more of Fleurs 'test dummy' to learn and practice hypnosis on?^^

I think you should start this back up please.

5385864 I looked through a little of his blog posts, and one said he made a realization that he's not good with romance and shipping. This story may in fact be on hiatus considering he said he won't cancel another story that was tagged on that post that's similar genre to this, but it will probably take a while to get back on it. It may be the same thing on this, or probably nothing at all, I don't know, but I'll give it a read anyways to see what's up.

"There’s... a small trace of yellow. My favorite color. I’m just watching it,”

Twilight's favorite color is actually purple.
This was mentioned in a bonus section of one the comics.

5482729 Lucky bastard. I always get the Sirens... Let that play out in your mind. Man, in my dreams, I've done some WEIRD shit...

So is this story dead...or what?

Is this story going to get an update...?

6667793 I dunno. I'm leaving it open in case I ever figure that out.

6668794
In that case, you should probably put it on hiatus.

Why is cancelled?
I love THIS Story!

6668794
So why did you cancel it?

8408865
Cause I'm never going to update it. It's just not a story that I'm interested in writing anymore.

8408946
Well that's a real pity as it was just getting great. I was just starting to enjoy myself. I really hope you change your mind sometime as it had the making of a masterpiece.