• Member Since 4th May, 2013
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

FallBlau


T

Twilight Sparkle plunges Equestria into the depths of deprivation as she skillfully plots against her former friends and confidants, using any means at her disposal to claw her way to power.

Graciously edited by: mikewalker11

Chapters (18)
Comments ( 255 )

I particularly liked that whodunit line at the end, seems interesting so far, I shall see where this goes

3341320

Thanks! I'm glad you found it interesting! Will try to keep it updated on a regular basis. :pinkiehappy:

Interesting start. I'm wondering why this doesn't have an Alternate Universe tag--doesn't seem much like something Twilight would do. However, I'm sure you will reveal her motives and her thought processes as the story goes on. It's possible, given the right circumstances, that this could be something canonical Twilight would do... but you may want to add that gray (AU) tag, just in case.

For now, a pretty good first chapter. I spotted some errors with dialogue punctuation and missing commas, but other than that, no real issues. A quick run-through with an editor can clear those up.

The mystery line was pretty funny, by the way. :rainbowlaugh:

Keeping this in my favs... let's see where it goes.

3345310

Thanks for commenting!

I don't think this is an Alternate Universe. I've set these events out in my mind within the context of the canon itself. Even so, I might consider giving it as an alternate universe. The next chapter, I think, will clarify her motive. ^^

Appreciate the fave. :)

first steps of tyranny... incest.

The sound of hoofs

*hooves
Or, "hoofsteps" would be better.

Spotted a few other little things, but nothing serious. Another good chapter. So... Twilight and Shining, huh? Interesting. :pinkiehappy: We're getting a bit more of the picture. Good, good. And Cadence... damn. :fluttershysad:

ah, it appears Twilight has been taking cues from the game of thrones guide to stealing power :twilightoops:

3368417

You know, I've never actually read the book or seen the show. But people keep telling me it's really good. I might check it out sometime....:pinkiehappy:

3367746

I changed it. :twilightsmile:

Thanks for commenting. :pinkiehappy:

3390150

Hey! Thanks for commenting! And thanks for the fave!

Um....hmmm. In what way? :unsuresweetie:

Because fascist (like hitler) do things like twilight is doing...killing, lying,etc.

Comment posted by Cheerileeapplebloom deleted Oct 24th, 2013

play it up real big Twi

3390382 every dictators do it, you don't need to be a fascist

3392030 that's not what a dictator does, a serial killer maybe, but the only thing that defines a dictator is someone who has absolute rule over a country, just because it is often achieved through violence doesn't make it necessary
3390150 and a fascist is similar to a racist, which there is no evidence of Twilight being

3392829 I don't think it's possible to hold the power of a entire country by firing flowers, plus the definition of dictator is associated to violence. And for this story, a serial killer is not a good example since his acts have nothing to do with the politics.

Depending on what you call a fascist, you can be one without being racist. Mussolini was a facist (if you look at the history of the word, you'll understand) but he wasn't racist before meeting and collaborating with Hitler.

3392936
I didn't say serial killers had anything to do with this story, I said serial killers were an example of someone who typically lied and murdered.
And if I overthrew an entire parliament and scraped elections then I am a dictator, my methods or motives are completely irrelevant, I could have done it simply by convincing everyone it was for the best and in my own mind that may have been genuine, I am still a dictator
3393102 and I didn't say fascists were racist I said they were 'similar', in that they both focus around the superiority of some over others and that they are both equally irrelevant to this story

3393287

I didn't say serial killers had anything to do with this story

And I didn't imply this. The way a dictator obtain his power can be non-violent, but not his reign. Fascism and racism are two different things, but I'm not going to explain it, it will take too much of my time, and no one of them appear in the story.

This is rather intriguing. I really hope you are able to elaborate on Twilight's thought processes and scheming in a way that manages to stay consistent with her character. Or, if she is OoC, that you are able to bring forth a convincing explanation as to how she became so.

I'm not really crazy about the affair she's having with her brother, but I'm pretty sure that incestual relationships are some kind of trend among villainous sibling duos in storytelling nowadays, or something. So, for the moment, I'm going to let it slide for the sake of story.

3393553 You do no wrong, I was talking to Reeve ^^'

Good chapter. Keep up the good work!

3402981

Thank you. I appreciate it. :pinkiehappy:

Hmm... I suspect that Cadence will soon go the way of Luna...

Good chapter. :pinkiehappy: Spotted a few little mistakes, though. "Hoofs" should be "hooves," and remember to put your commas after dialogue tags when adding action.

For example,

"That's cool," Bad Seed said, shrugging.

It's incorrect without the comma. :twilightblush:

How will the night survive, indeed? Hmm...

3494412

I changed the hooves and commas. Thanks for the tip! I honestly didn't know that. I'll keep that in mind for the future. :twilightsmile:

I hope you're enjoying the story so far. :)

oh Applebloom... i know you want to be a big pony but sometimes you gotta take the good from the bad and just settle.

sometimes with stories about Twilight not sure of accepting something, her friends have to encourage her to take something despite her decision not wanting it then she suddenly jumps to unsure. that really just makes me want to roll my eyes but despite knowing this is part of twilight's plan I really can't say much on it. nice chapter.

I'm totally calling Shining getting cold hooves and telling Celestia or Cadence the truth. Then in a brutal show of power Twilight kills him in front of them before starting the End Game

Liking this story so far. Twilight's apparently sudden lust for ultimate power still seems pretty OoC though. Still hoping we get to see an explanation for her new motivations and change in behavior soon.

Remember it's "hooves," not "hoofs". Caught that a few times. :)

Good chapter, but I'm hoping we see more of Twilight's motivations for being so deceptive and doing all of this.

I like this story, but everyone treated the subject of Luna's death so mechanically and emotionless during the big meeting in the foyer.

3578320

Reading it over, I have to agree. Still, I'm not sure myself how to get their emotions properly conveyed (my assumption would be shock). But yeah, they are acting rather...superficially. Is there anything you could suggest to remedy that?

3579045 Well Celestia just casually before immediately dismissing the notion that it might not have been natural is just silly. In fact it might be best to have Celestia a little over emotional throughout the whole chapter, she did lose her only family so shortly after being reunited after 1000 years, the idea of her being able to just walk out and make small talk with the elements is ludicrous. Speaking of the elements, (with the exception of RD) they wouldn't be so crass while addressing Celestia or even speaking in her presence, besides the fact they'd all be more conscious of their positions they'd also realise she is (or should be) suffering greatly at the loss of her sister. And as for Twilight, who's crediting herself so much on her apparent acting abilities, she's a bit like Celestia in that she's acting far too casual considering the circumstances, her especially since her presentation is manufactured. Maybe this makes sense, reading it back it doesn't look quite as clear as it sounded in my head, but the basic problem is the casualness of the whole thing.

3579085

Well, I thought about that, but when you consider Celestia a(n) (immortal?) Royal who has lived for....a few thousands years, you know she's been through a lot. She's no stranger to death, I'm sure. She's seen as everyone she's ever known (besides her sister) get up, grow old, and die. And I thought: by the umpteenth generation or so, I'm sure it doesn't have quite the effect it did in the beggining.

Not to say that Celestia is heartless or that she's lost all sense of emotion and loss - but she is head of state. Heads of state, especially monarchs, are taught from birth never to portray weakness of any kind. (The solemn faced Queen Elizabeth the Second, comes to mind). This is how I've justified her "aloofness", so to speak.

As for Twilight, her motives for casualness are clear. Her friends, on the other hand, are a different matter. I sorta debated and I found myself leaning on apathy, especially when considering this from their perspectives. Luna has only been back...what? 2 years top? And for most of their lives, they've been taught (at least implied in the series) that she's some sort of monster. To top that off, even when Luna comes back, they hardly even know her. It's hard to grieve or feel sympathy for someone you've never met.

The shock is there, certainly, just like if you were to learn that your own leader died....but not quite the grief. A stranger is a stranger, after all. Which is exactly why Twi took her out first...

On that note, however, I think you're right though in Celestia immediately dismissing it as natural. I'll probably go back and change that....

3579165 well those are all perfectly valid points, I suppose from that perspective most of my concerns are baseless, I'll just let you carry on :twilightsheepish:

3582766

Thank you for offering that prespective though. I think I finally know how to start off the next chapter now. :pinkiehappy:

What is this, Friendship is Witchcraft?

Kinda reminds me of a Shakespearean Play, like Richard III maybe. Not really Macbeth though, that plot was too simple. This story is looking really complex with webs of lies being spun. Please continue as soon as you can, Twilight is such an awesome villain in this!

3627372

I know right? I was actually planning on getting back to this. I guess sooner better than latter. Thank you for reading and the watch! :pinkiehappy:

Twilight! Why u no kill Celestia?!?!


When I read

cock crowing

I swear I thought it said "cock growing" and so then I had to check to see if this was a clopfic. :twilightblush:

:twilightoops:

Not expecting that.



YES! YES! THEY HAVE PLANS TO KILL CELESTIA! :pinkiehappy::raritystarry::yay:

Is Apple Bloom going to play a role in this? I mean, that seems silly, but you put that scene in there for a reason. And I think it would be cool of Apple Bloom had some larger role to play in this, perhaps she can defeat Twilight some how. And it looks like Shinning Armor better be careful, or Twilight might suspect something and silence him just like Luna. Well, now that Celestia's been warned, maybe when Twilight does exactly what Shinning Armor said he'd do, Celestia will put him and Cadence in protection and take measures to stop Twilight's plot. Everything's coming up Macbeth here, and I love it!

Oh man it felt almost like forever once this was last updated.


And of course Celestia isn't going to believe it. Why would she? But to discredit Shining I can understand she would be stuck at a fork in the road.

4035404

Haha, you shall have to wait and see. ;)

Thanks for reading. ^^

>Incest is Wincest! / Brother/Sister
>tags consist of only female characters
>then how?.....

4041330

Oh, right sorry, I really should put him in there...sorry.

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