Hearth's Warming Eve is suppose to be a time of joy and happiness in Equestria- but not for one young filly.
Chapters (1)
FallBlau
Joined 4th May, 2013 ·
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FallBlau · 7.3k words · 14 2 · 832 views
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D'awwwwwwwwwww
You sir have stolen my heart
3626916
Thanks, I'm glad you liked.
Very nicely done
3626998
Thank you.
Observation: I..I think that oil is leaking from my...eys
3627051
Some oil sealer might be in order...
Thanks for reading. I'm glad you liked it.
Y U MAKE ME CRY. WHY SO MANY FEELZ. Y I LOVE STORY SO MUCH!?!?!?!?! *cries*
I'm sorry, but when I got to the part with vase breaking, I had to stop reading. I literally stopped on a dime. I was like, "Oh, it's gonna be another one of those fanfics!" It's like breaking a vase is some kind of sick cliché to get the violence going. But then again, I'm not really sure how else this story could move along, so I'll forgive that. After reading the story backwards, I found this story pretty good. I loved how Scootaloo's father game back to give her guidance, and I like how Cheerilee was there to save Scootaloo. I hate it when writers make Cheerilee stupid or oblivious or a jerk. I see her as a really kind and sympathetic pony who's good with children.
The only bad thing in this story is when you used the word hand. They're ponies! The show is called "My Little Pony". How do you mess that up?
But all in all, this story's really good. But please change the hands to hooves. This story gets 9 out of 10.
3627310
Hey! I appreciate the feedback!
lol Yeah, I know it's a bit of a cliche, but I thought it would be, like you said, justifiable, to move the story along.
As for the hands, I used an anthro version for convenience. There's a scene earlier, you remember, when she's drawing and talking with Diamond Tiara at the same time. The only way we see Earth pony writing anything in the show is using their mouths, so in that context, I didn't think it made sense.
Again, purely for convenience's sake. I could go back and change it, I suppose, but if it ain't broke, why fix it? Is my maxim.
Thanks again for the feedback and thank you for the favorite. Very much appreciated!
Have a blessed day,
FallBlau
Only error. Other than that, I love the story!
3627361
It shall be fixed, immediately!
And thanks, I'm glad you liked it.
3627310
I think that this is humanized.
Beautiful
You made the Mistress of Murder cry... You have made a masterpiece.
3628537
Wow....thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed. It's an honor.
In that context it'd be lose.
But I really enjoyed this story and it was really sweet! I loved Cheerilee in this and I feel like that's how all teachers should be :)
3629077
Ha ha, thanks. Can't catch em all, you know, but I've changed it.
Thanks for commenting!
That was beautiful! However, many human references were made including: anybody, hands, fingers, names (ponies wouldn't have names like 'Mark' and 'Susie') and sometimes just punctuation and grammer. The actual story was amazing, but I think you need to check it over for mistakes.
That was heartwarming, but do not be afraid to gives us more of the characters' thoughts along with the dialogue. This is still good writing though.
SO MANY FEELS!!!:
I love it.
3630613
Thank you. I know, I always have a hard time trying to find a good balance between thoughts and what's going on. I'll try to work on that more.
Thanks for commenting!
Such a sweet story. I didn't liked that Scootabuse part, but ending... beautiful. Great story
3695744
Don't worry, I'm a firm believer that everyone gets what's coming to them - eventually. There is such a thing in this world as justice.
Dat ending....so sweet
You should make a sequel to this.
4074219
Hmmm, interesting proposition.
Any ideas, in particular?
4074237
Mainly what happens to that b'&$^ of a Aunt, I think a meeting with Luna her self would make that Aunt run for the hills. But anyways, it is a nice story and a good ending.
4074266
Thank you. ^^
I thought about writing a spiritual successor story where we follow Scootaloo's dad and his unhappy demise, but...it's all up in the cranium at the moment.
Thanks for reading. I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)
I've been listening to 'I Don't Mind' by 'The Decemberists' this whole time and I cried man. Also, a writing tip. The dialouge is a bit choppy and unrealistic.
huh, a little rushed, but otherwise wholesome one shot!
poor scootaloo getting beaten up by her aunt Ira, I know what abuse is like, -shudders-