The Abyss
Joined 22nd Nov, 2012 ·
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This looks Tastey!
inb4 Skeeter
3293482
Shove off.
~Skeeter The Lurker
3293491 Shove on, if you know what I mean
I liked it not bad
But Cadance has just thing to motivate him... that ass! That ass moves nations and destroys armies; love didn't defeat the changelings, it was cadances ass!
Reminds me of crazy shit i did in high school
Good story love it!
yes
yes yes yes
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/131111660680.gif?1326548844
WOOOOOOOT!!!! My first Shining Armor and Cadnence clop fic! And I must applaud you on making a really good one my dear sir.
3293790 Hehe, if you want to see more of Cadence and Shining, check out my other story with them in it!
It's twice as long as this one, and is much better!
3293744 Haha, glad you liked it! Now, to write the next chapter for my main Shining x Cadence story...
3293604 Welp, that's what they do
3293482 I laughed so hard at this!
*Sees cover art* Oh nice. Another ShiningxCadence romance fic thing.
*Reads description* M'kay, so they're teens/children... Where is this going...?
*Sees 'mature-sex' tag* static2.fjcdn.com/comments/Its+_2f19dbfaa993c20ae8f93ea1598b438e.png
images.wikia.com/theamazingworldofgumball/images/6/6a/Eugh.jpg
(In a good way. This is a great story.)
Sex with Cadence or Calc...................................Toughie
3294132 I never meant it like that; they are both of the age of consent.
And thanks, lol.
3295131
Heh heh, yeah. I'm not framing ya for it or anything, I just thought it was kind of interesting that they're like older teens is all. Nah the story is great, I would've clopped to it if I was a clopper. :3
I love the the title of the chapter. I love the writing.
You are awesome. Keep on being awesome.
Derivatives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, I'm having a lot of issues with this story so far. It just doesn't seem to fall naturally. I'm left to make the assumption that this story takes place back when Shining and Cadence were just... dating? At a university or something? It kinda just feels like the average high school setting swapped out with two ponies.
I'm not one to judge character, but that is one hell of a conclusion to jump to. That is like, grade A overreaction. But then, after that, Cadence shoots right out and says she loves him. So, if they're only dating, as I am still assuming this was in their earlier years, then they're tossing that word around in quite a sloppy fashion.
My other issue with this story is how much you're rushing it. I mean, how did they get to the classroom? Cadence gives him a little nip on the ear and suddenly they're right outside the classroom without any flavor in the middle? Poof, just there.
I have to admit, the sex was a little hot, and I credit you for getting the anatomy right, but all in all it felt rushed. All in one paragraph, Cadence went from untouched to at the peak of orgasm. You description is good, but the problem is that you don't use enough of it and you cram it all too close together.
In the end, it was okay. Wasn't great, wasn't bad. It was just alright. You have the basis for a good clop story here but you rushed it and didn't give enough information so that the reader is left feeling disconnected from the story and the only part that matters is scrolling that thousand word sex scene so you can rub one off. I didn't really give a damn about the characters with the way you wrote them, and all I could do was snicker when they were almost caught. Another thing about that scene that irked me, now that we're on it, is that there was never really any tension. The pony wasn't named, wasn't described. There really didn't seem to be anything to be worried about just because the characterization sucked. Maybe, if it had been the principal, or the dean, or that one really hot teacher that would think it the most amusing thing in the world to find two ponies fucking under a desk, had walked into the room it would have had greater effect.
This story is average at best. Personally, I don't think it should have gotten featured. But... just about anything gets featured in these times.
It was cute though. I'll give you that. The story was cute.
3295834 This story was just something I didn't want to throw away. Trust me, when I saw that this had gotten featured, I literally facedesked. This was never meant to be anything really serious at all.
I had written about 2k words of this, and then I realized I wanted to use those ideas in a different story. I didn't want to throw away 2k words of work, so I just threw a little bit of clop together here, had some people edit it, and then I posted it. And yes, this is just an average story, and I'm as surprised as you are that this is featured.
I have much more serious and higher quality stories, such as Oh, The Things we do for Love. I assure you that that story is much higher quality than this one.
As for the sub-par plot, school has been taking a large toll out of me these past couple of weeks, and I just kinda forced myself to write this. I will admit those scenes that you mentioned could use more work, but at this point it wouldn't really be worth it as the story is already up.
Holy crap. I can't wait to read this!
how the hell do I have such good scences that I only choose good fics seriously how!!
3295907 Yeah, I get what you're saying. Here's a bit of advice if you didn't already know it. Don't force yourself to write anything. Generally, if you force it, the writing sucks. Write because you want to, not because you think you need to.
3297783 Yeah I know that lol. Like I said, I didn't want to throw away a couple hours of work, so I just threw a little something together. My other clopfics far surpass this one in quality.
3297667 Haha, you tell me!
3298028 Dang man, I've got like sixty thousand words of story just sitting in my gdocs folders that I will never touch again.
I'm not challenging the way you do things here. But the way I see it: you either post something you're happy with, otherwise you might as well post nothing at all.
3298249 Heh. As I always say, to each their own, right?
3298435 yeppers
3294021 I like hard things
How do I add something to "read later"?
3313940 You see the story's title, "An After School Snack?" There's a little open book directly to the left of the title, and all you have to do is click that! It may take a second for it to register, and the book will change color slightly once you click it.
Also, to favorite a story, all you have to do is click the star to the left of the stats. And if you want to be emailed every time that story updates (this one won't, it's only a one-shot) once you click the star, a little check box will appear saying "Email Updates." Click that checkbox and fimfiction will email you whenever a story that you favorite updates!
If you have any more questions, please, feel free to ask them!
3313967 Thank you!
3313985 Yep!
That intruder pony, likely the janitor, must be a veteran of Shadow Moses.
I came
3320858 You came to this?
I have much better stuff that you should be reading instead of this lol
3321165
What? I love this story! I literally masturbate while reading this.
I came the same time as Shining. XD
3321177 Lol... This is not my best work, not by a longshot!
If you like this, check out my other three clopfics, STII, OTTWDFL, and TIAFTFE
3321197
Eh. I think this was the best Clopfic I've read
3321203 Thanks lol.
3321205
You're welcome.
I truly like this shipping. Mostly for Cadence being so sexy.
3321209 Well then, if you like Cadence, check out my other story with her and Shining! It's MUCH more cloppier than this one... hehehe...
3321214
Link please. Maybe it could be my next Clopfic experience. If you know what I mean.
3321233 I already did.
3321285
OTTWDFL?
3321307 Yup! Typing that is a lot easier than writing Oh, The Things we do for Love
Not a clopper myself but I read one once in a while just because it can be fun. I must say this was very well done.
3454355 Thanks bud! Funny thing is, this isn't even my best work! If you like reading clop every so often, I suggest that you take a look at my other three clopfics!
3458294 I must ask... With who in?