The Abyss
Joined 22nd Nov, 2012 ·
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i sense a next chapter
2407563
Indeed you do; I have great plans for this story.
OOOHHHH, dis gon b gud! Keep up the great writing! I know that you are going to make this story epic.
hmm a bit short... and under descriptive... Add some more details and this would be quite (more) excellent my good pony!
Gob. If I wasn't trying to keep a perfect, no sex fic favorites thing, this would be on it.
Not bad, but it's kinda bland and mechanical, to be honest. Erotica is more, well, erotic when it's slow and sensual.
This was pretty good!
hope to see more good stuff from you and I'm glad this will also be continued 
"virgins are a huge turn on for me…” that's a new one! Haven't heard that before
Oh, that tail pulling... sooo arousing. (and I'm referring to the cover pic).
It's funny, I was going to submit a story with a very similar title tomorrow. There's a First Time for 'Everypony'. Meh, different connotation, but I still find the coincidence funny.
I think I'll read this.
My dear Abyss... take a fave an upvote and a few of these!
2407587 Thanks!
2407603 Want to PM me some tips/advice on how I can make this better? I'm definitely open to any and all suggestions!
2407735 Why not make a separate account just for these kinds of fics? And thanks!
2407752 Got it, thanks for the advice.
2407868 I know, right?
2408085 Lol really? Wow... Send me a PM when it's uploaded and I'll take a look!
2408234 Haha, thanks!
2408806 well... A bit more detail on the emotional and sensual side of things, i think... Clopfic like this needs lots of emotion behind it! While you had that at the start I kind of lost that feeling part way... If I remember correctly... Im beyond sleep deprived... Why am I telling you this?... Wah?
2408853 Alright, I'll see what I can do. Thanks for the advice, and I too am sleep deprived...yawn...
2408806 You got it mate. I'll be frank. I Hope foalcon's your fancy, because that's what you're signing up for.
2408868 is it weird That whenever I get sleep deprived I sound like I do in real life ( weird ,tangential, off) or I get really flirty or I get really sleepy.
2408930 Lol nope!
2408939 ok cool! I was worried that all the crazy cyber hijinks I got into were weird.
2408951
2408955 I'm gonna stop talking about them before this gets awkward...
Well I read your story and shared what I thought would improve it... Plz do the same for me? Im not very self confident so I tend to rely on the opinions of others for happiness.
2408970 I'd be happy to! I added both to my read later list, and I'll get to them sometime tomorrow!
2408972 you dont have to read "owing discord a favor" its just my mental dumping ground. The other one is my "good" one.
2408980 Gotcha.
My apologies, but before reading, the premise makes it seem more like 'just another clopfic.'
However, I can tell from your comments and writing style that you are not inexperienced, and the story has gotten good attention. So, I have confidence that you will execute it well.
RIL'd, and I will post a review once I have read it (little reading time, sorry). Until then, good luck with the story, and may it come out a success.
2409354 I know the short description was a little bland; I had a hard time coming up with something good, so I picked something a little dull, which I changed a few hours ago.
Please, let me know when you read it, and if you can offer any advice, I'd love to hear it!
2413049 I have one suggestion. Invite a stallion there lawl.
2414743 I already have a chapter with a stallion in mind. The question is, who?
2415140 Do you accept OC chracters?
2415173 For this story, no; I'd like to use original characters only for this one. But in the future, we might be able to work something out!
I'm guessing that means this is completely separate from your Sombranian Cult fic, because she had a RD colored toy in her drawer.
Great chapter, faved and thumb up.
2419214 You are correct; this isn't related to my other story at all.
2419666 Thanks!
2407563>>2407587>>2407603>>2407735>>2407752>>2407853>>2408085>>2408234>>2419214>>2419666
Hey guys, is there anything specific that you would like to see in upcoming chapters?
2420187
I am not sure...Dreams of intercourse by one of the two is always good, maybe requesting "advice" from a close and trusted friend. I am not entirely sure as to what would work the best in this kind of a story. I am sure that you will be able to come up with something that will work perfectly. I will try to think of something else too.
2420187 Hmm... a date someplace.... Well I'll message the rest
You... have potential here. You really need to work on some things to improve your story however.
Lemme just hit on a couple points real quick.
"T-that hurt... give me a minute..." This is a slightly better line, it sounds more like something a person, or pony, would say.
Another small point. From your story, I can only assume Dash is a horrible lover, because she busts out the dildo right after the oral. Dashie didn't have a smaller toy? Maybe a vibrator? If Twi is still having an orgasm she likely won't even feel a small one going in.
Keep trying, I have seen far worse.
2420187
Well, that right there gives you plenty of possibilities to work with.
What kind of goodies are in the box, and how will Twi and Dashie use them?
2421582 Oh, there are LOTS of goodies in the box, and if you want to know exactly what I have in mind for those two, send me a PM! (I don't want to ruin it for everyone else)
2422563
But I wanna be surprised, too.
I enjoyed this. You're a good writer, and this story has LOTS of potential! Keep it up, followed and tracked!
I usually prefer more romance with virgins (unless it's forced rape), but I enjoyed this. Thumbs up! Can't wait for more.
2435083 Thanks; I'm glad you enjoyed it! Anything you would like to see in future chapters?
2435280 I know; I had several editors look at it and give me tips and advice. I am currently in the process of adding a backstory and some more clop, and it should be done within a week or so. I'll make a blog post about it.
And also, anything specific that you would like to see?
2435647
Well, since you so kindly asked, would there be a chance of more characters involved in future romances...?
2435910 There is indeed! I'm trying to think of who, though... I was considering using- Wait, why am I saying this; I don't want to ruin the surprise!
2436271
Well, crap, now you piqued my interest and I will HAVE to read the story....
Well played...
2436371 Hahaha, thanks!
Just a quick couple questions: Have you aimed to be IC in this fic with the characters? (in character) Or is it the common "just characters that look and are named the same as the real ones, but are nothing like them for better advertising"? xP And secondly: With virgin, do you go with the myth/anatomical incorrection/defunct anatomy, or you use a more realistic/intended/average anatomy? Sorry if they sound a bit random. Just can't help but to facepalm with how terrible sex-ed some people have. (in short: basically pretty sure people would question if someone wrote a fic where a penis had 2 urethra's and the testicles were located above it.) Hope I didn't trail off too much. (might should mention: haven't read it yet, asking in advance. As to avoid critiquing it if it actually was intended to be x or y)
2440463 Yes, the characters are in character, and this isn't pointless clop with characters that look the same. As for the virgin part, I'm not quite sure what you're asking.
2440625 Glad to hear. That at least quadrupled my chances of reading this xD
And for the virgin part, I'm asking if you have her "pop her cherry" literally (bleed, like only around 20-30 % with a defunct hymen does), or technically. (her just having no prior experience to intimacy with someone else, possibly having the intended hymen stretching/adjusting that is intended) Sorry if I was a bit vague, I tend to explain things poorly heh
2440962 Both. I'm actually rewriting this chapter and I'm adding a lot more details. I've had several people look at this, and I'm also adding a couple more clop scenes, so if you want, read it now and see how it is, and then read it again once I've finished all the editing, as there will be several changes and more clop.
