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Cool!!! ^_^
Great story!!
also.... FIRST!!! XD
/)*(\
Not bad for a quick one-shot.
I love pegasi. Thank you for this. It was frolic and fun and I approve.
do read unless legally allowed my ass XD WATEVA WATEVA I DO WHAT I WANT
cute ending!
Legally?
Shit....
Legally? this is the internet!
Fun.
chapter 2?
Though your grammar and spelling was good. I think you could have benefited from greater word choice. Probably all you really need are little tweaks here and there.
Example:
Instead of "said", use "questioned" or "asked".
2652168
Thanks for pointing that out. I have word variety in mind when writing but I probably don't pay as much attention to it as I should do. I'll definitely focus on word choice in future works and I'll have a look over this one to see if I can improve it.
2652382
Sure, no problem. I may not write anything yet (I hope that holds), but I have read quite a lot and think I have a feeling for little tweaks that can be done.
If something is short enough I have no issue editing it. Longer chapters I sometimes find daunting. Like right now I have a 14k chapter to edit I have been putting off.
I got a question, why hasent anyone done a clop fic involving Thunderlane and Rarity? I've seen pictures of the two online, but no fics here.
2565277
Nope.
2764132 http://www.fimfiction.net/story/106880/favors
Most writer's first pieces aren't clop. I can't believe you're taking the easy way by going this route. And if you ask, I am of legal age to read this kind of stuff.
4443432 There is no shame in a writer's first piece being clop, and it shouldn't be viewed as an easy way into the fan fiction (or in this case fimfiction) scene. Certain types of stories have certain styles and flavors, and not all authors can write all kinds. Some are better at grimdark
, some are better at slice of life 
, and some are better at clop 
. Not to mention some people just like to write in particular styles. Clop isn't some 2 bit form of writing, it's one of many genres in writing and deserves to be judged equally with other forms. 
4443576 Sorry. I didn't mean it to be like that. I'm just a bit jealous that people who have clopfics as a starter story gain a large amount of views and likes. To be honest, I was impressed with the quality, but the fact remains that people who write clop are able to gain followers, likes and comments faster than people who don't.
4446315
If I might chime in here, I didn't write this to amass fame on this site. I'm aware that a few people do that, but I don't crave recognition- I haven't posted anything else in the year this has been published.
Trust me when I say the likes and favourites did not appear overnight, it has been a very gradual process. Something I believe would occur with any other story of a decent standard. In fact, today I've had more favourites than any other time because it was suddenly added to a load of groups (which I had nothing to do with).
I'm glad you found the quality satisfactory though- I originally got the idea during a time where there was a massive influx of terrible clopfics.
4446437 Oh, in that case, thank you for listening to my thoughts.
4446315 I am not going to say you are wrong, because you are right. Clopfics do get more favorites, likes, and followers, but they get all this because they have more traffic. I haven't looked up any other kind of story on here since I read "A Puppet to her Fame" (Do not read if you don't have any tissues nearby, serious tears await
). I am not saying everyone should write clop to get noticed, but you are likely to get more views simply because more people are looking for it. I also wouldn't go here for the fame. I write and post stories on here because I like the feedback and knowing that someone is enjoying a story that, should this site not exist, would just gather virtual dust on my hard drive until my computer died. 
Anyway, I really appreciate your honesty, it takes a strong gut to admit jealousy. Just know that so long as you have at least ONE like on your story, you made somepony's day better with your story.
nice!
Great!
I love seeing true love expressed subtly. This was beautiful.
D'awwww.
This here fic is the good stuff.
I did not see any errors or grammar errors
Da'aw this was pretty cute all the way
This was pretty good. The characters and the sex were well written.