Deep in Gryphona, frozen land of the griffins, a mysterious pony searches for the friend who has been running from her for a hundred years. What do you do, however, when the friend you once knew is not the same as he used to be? What do you do if he is now a danger to innocents? What should you do when it is all your fault?
Written for the griffin-themed flashfic event on Equestria Daily. Thematically influenced by the short 2010 film Sintel. Teen because griffins have pottymouths. Rated just in case, though an average page of YouTube comments is probably worse.
Chapters (1)
D:
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Damn. So sad but so well done. Thumbs up.
Kinda similar to this fic but with a biologically immortal Alicorn Twilight and a different circumstance of separation. (not that it is a bad thing)
The premise is similar (also not a bad thing):
The search for a savage dragon (formerly a benign friend) and then slaying it at the end.
www.fimfiction.net/story/59880/schemering-sintel
Also please don't delete your fic because not everybody have the time to read Schemering Sintel
I liked this.
The main thing, I'd say, is to weave in environmental details. For example, for the bar at the beginning, there could have been a description of the atmosphere -- the bar was dim and stank of alcohol, stale air heated by bodies, etc. But I thought you did a very good job characterising the OCs, like the bartender and staff.
NOOO!
Yet another piece of evidence why Twilight is worst alicorn.
Seriously, she screws up magic more than Neville Longbottom!
This should have the tragedy tag. Both Spike and Twilight died. Why didn`t Twilight just use magic to save the two of them? Why would she abandon Equestria for years? How could Spike forget how to talk?
2986649
1) I didn't want to give away the ending. The tragedy tag is a hot potato - when I see it on fics, I assume there's going to be deaths by the end, and I bet I'm not the only one, so I went for the more general 'sadfic'.
2) The implication is that she has found and faced Spike before and tried exactly this. It didn't work. The Twilight in this fic is not the Twilight of canon but the future version of her, and she did a lot of living and a lot of growing up during those missing centuries.
3) She felt responsible and had no reason to stay, since there were already enough princesses to take care of things in Equestria while she used some of her alicorn longevity to fix the wrong she had done to Spike.
4) He hasn't slept in over a century. Sleep deprivation on a normal scale does funy things to the mind. On that scale it pretty much reverted him toan entirely bestial state.
2986790 So, in the answer to the second question you`re saying that she was willing to accept her death because she had finally found Spike? Also, are you that girl from Youtube with that british accent that read aloud Home Is Where The Harp Is? I saw that video a long time ago and the name and picture seem familiar.
based on that good movie, It's just sad that she Killed scales just as he recognized her.
*sniif*WHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
manly tears
2986790
Now, I love... and hate you too.
Very cartharsis, but well done...
3379395
What movie?
This fic was incredible. One of the best Twilight/Spike stories I've read
3822014
this one.
3822016
Thank you.
totally, one hundred percent pure awesome.
2986790
As good as this story is, it was ruined by my expectation of a happy ending. I'll have to think long and hard on this, but I'll probably give it a thumbs down for the lack of a Tragedy tag.
(Because of how my emotional armour has developed, unpleasant feelings generally fail to connect unless I'm trying to let them in. Because of how my memory works, my emotional reaction is pretty much locked in by the first read-through. That means that, because you didn't put a Tragedy tag, it just felt like shallow, ineffective writing and I can't try again.)
3991441
I deliberately didn't label the fic 'tragedy' because that would have given away the ending. If you weren't expecting the ending, then I consider that as the fic doing what it was supposed to. The last thing I want from my writing is for it to become predictable and I do not consider that unpredictability a bad thing. This is a sadfic. It is labelled as a sadfic. Nothing else. I'm not sure what you were anticipating from a sadfic except a sad beginning, middle and ending.
3992352
"Sad" without "Tragedy" means a story where the sadness is overcome. My sense of empathy is over-sensitive so, when I see that combination, I keep myself emotionally armoured so the initial sadness doesn't drag me down and I can enjoy the triumph.
If I'm not warned to let down my emotional armour for a tragedy, I never feel anything and, in a story like this which doesn't distinguish itself with amazing world-building or an insightful reinterpretation of characters' motives, that means reading it was a waste.
didn't really like the ending but hey,
just my opinion.
Wow, an amazing fic! So very sad, but it really worked. The story being form Moonfeather's POV made it even better I felt. No complaints from me, this was simply a great story.
As I read this just kept popping into my head.
I think it best describes Moonfeather.
3379395 I saw that film by the Blender team, too. At least Scales' baby had a chance for life :)
Great story there & this one, as well.
HOLY CRAP, MY TEARS ARE SOAKING MY KEYBOARD.
IF THIS THING GETS BROKEN, I'M BLAMING YOU!
*cries*
Interesting that they found bodies at all if the dragon preyed upon them. One would think that such a massive beast could easily swallow a griffon, bones and all, and leave nothing behind. Unless the "bodies" were really mounds of dragon shit.
Except that you didn't ban Blackbeak for lying about Esper, you banned him for starting a barroom brawl and wrecking your place. That barroom brawl still happened regardless of whether he was telling the truth or not.
There's a strange dissonance in this story that lingers even after the last scene. My take on it at first was that it was Moonfeather's story; she thinks of honor first as nothing more than macho bullshit, then she comes to understand the part of the concept that had to do with taking responsibility and committing to a task to the very end from a pony of all creatures. I like the dynamic between her and Bright Eyes; the smart griffon who thinks honor is shit and the naive, rather air-headed griffon who believes strongly in it, but it only appears near the beginning before disappearing along with Brighteyes for most of the fic. Would have been nice to get some more insight on the griffon concept of honor and her thoughts on it. The ending, however, seems rather abrupt and seems more solely about the end of Twilight's mission. It's like I'm missing a little epilogue scene to complete the story.
As Twilight's story, however, it's missing a little more setup. It would have worked a little better if there was some focus on all the mysterious griffon deaths at the beginning to add more to the mystery of Esper instead of having it told close to the end. The little anecdotes about the stray cats and Cripple Wing were also rather distracting. I like that you pushed through with their demise to really give it a strong ending.
It's like you have two stories here, one with a strong beginning and weak ending and another with a weak start and a strong finish, but they didn't quite fuse together. I enjoyed both regardless, despite the dissonance.
well that was sad. (and yes I saw the sad tag.) overall it was a good story although I wish there was more to the ending. I also think this ending is better than a happy ending would have been and it was defiantly more effective. can't wait to see what other fics you've written.
I must say, this is one of the most beautiful fic I've read. Sure I had hoped for a happy end but that doesn't diminish the fact this is brilliant. The story, the writing style, all of it.