• Member Since 20th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

ObabScribbler


Author and dramatic reader from YouTube. All your pony are belong to us.

T
Source

When Bon-Bon has to leave Ponyville for a while to deal with a family crisis in Manehattan, Lyra writes her a letter every day. And every day, she gets a letter back. What could possibly be wrong with such loving devotion?

So why is everyone growing steadily more worried about her?

Written for the 2014 Friend-Off on EQD. Based on this picture.

Reviewed by Singularity Dream here.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 73 )

@obabscribbler...

1. Would have been nice if Bon-bon's parents had gotten some sort of comeuppance, but that is a minor bit.

2. Even though I saw the ending coming early on, it was still worthwhile to read through; and that, is what makes for good writing.

3. Overall, a very well done story for Word Count, Quality, and Tragedy Storytelling. A well-earned Like here.

An awesome story, just wish it wasn't so sad but that seems to be your style.

That's all I got to say

This was a nice little mystery that left me... feeling bad. I suppose I should have expected it with the sad tag and all, but I didn't really see that one coming. Either way, great job.

Cue the waterworks! :fluttershysad:

Amazeingly written, Obab! Well done!

Damn. Liked and fav'ed.

Must have gotten some dust in my eyes...

I don't know how to feel right now.

It is incredibly rare for me to be moved or emotionally affected even slightly by stories like this. Yet, I can't help but feel melancholy and as Lyra may have described it, "zoned out".

This is easily one of the best stories I've read in my entire life.

For the first time in years, I'm geniunely saddened by death. Interesting to think that it's a death which never even happened.

Bravo.

I had to make a new bookshelf for finished stories of this caliber because of you... :pinkiesad2:

I read through this hopping that the town was mistaken in there implications.

Then I hoped Lyra would punch Bon's mother.

Incredibly sad to see neither happened.

New story. Cant wait (but have to) to read it

“Applejack, what in the name of Celestia are you doin’? You don’t need that dinner. We don’t even have a microwave on the farm!”

From the context I think you mean that Applejack was talking, and that she meant to start the sentence by saying "Rainbow Dash"

“Pffft, no,” Lyra sniggered. “But sip it slow anyhow.”

Lyra tried to roll away. Where she was she?

This was poignant on many levels. Of love, of death, of life, of going mad... it spoke... spoke truth... beautiful, terrible truth. It's not a greek tragedy, it's not a tale of infinite sorrow... it's just a story so bloody close that it tears at your heart like those can't because the feeling is something we are too familiar with. After I'm done crying I'll try to write more.

That was heartbreaking, even though it was obvious from the get go what was going on :fluttercry:

The execution saves it from being just another twist ending story. It was gripping and compelling at every point, and rather than just wonder what was going on, or lose interest because I saw it coming, the story kept me feeling strongly for poor Lyra, and hoping that she would get better.

Now I wanna reread Playing with my Heart...

Very well executed. Like one or two people have said, I suspected what was going on almost from the start (with at least 90% certainty). But that didn't really matter, since your writing holds the interest to see how it plays out anyway. Excellent job.

And here I was expecting for Bon-Bon to die during the story, not before. Otherwise, it played out exactly as I expected yet still surprised me. Great job.

Oh my gosh... This is was so sad! :fluttercry: Great job, it was beautifully written. Some little mistakes here and there, but pretty good. :pinkiesad2: Upvoted, and favorited. Best of luck on this story. :pinkiesmile:

Quite touching, predictable, and very well written.

Quick asa striking snake, she pried Rainbow Dash’s hoof away.

as a
________

A, now there’s a story.

Ah
________

It jingled like a pocketful of money as it slipped onto its hangar and joined the other four on the rail.”

remove "
__________

It’s your fault she’s dead!” her mother spat.

Needs beginning " marks.

Her
________

:raritycry::raritydespair::raritycry: Why that is one of the saddest fics I've read in a while.

Despite the fact it was pretty predictable, it's still a great story.

The ring at the end, oh the ring! I was fine through the entire thing, I couldn't stop reading but I wasn't sad. But then the ring... it all hit me right then. Wow, just -- wow.

I spilled a manly tear. It was a great story and it was predictable but I think that's what made it good. When I read the first letter - I knew something was up. I guessed that Bon Bon had either broken up with Lyra or died, but the way you did it... That's what really counts. Any author can write a sad story. It takes a real author to write a real heart wrenching and soul numbing story such as this one.

Bravo, sir, bravo.

Applejack took in the stalemate. Quick asa striking snake, she pried Rainbow Dash’s hoof away. Lyra place the meal triumphantly in her basket. She refrained from sticking her tongue at the incensed pegasus, but only just.

Applejack, what in the name of Celestia are you doin’? You don’t need that dinner. We don’t even have a microwave on the farm!”

“Seriously? But how do you pop popcorn?”

I think that is supposed to be Rainbow Dash, there. Wouldn't Applejack know what she has on the farm?


Great story none the less, though.

Wow. This really hit home for me. Take this like and favorite.

Man... that was heartbreaking. Like, a genuinely visceral, ice-in-the-chest grief. This story worked through love and loss in a really intimate way, and you managed to end it with a silver(-ish) lining without being cloying or overly sentimental about it. I really respect that. It takes a lot to put raw stuff like that on the page, and double that to deliver it so frankly. Without dressing it up, or deifying the dead, or anything like that.

There were a few tiny issues, I'd say—like, sometimes the tangents in the character's thoughts seemed a little random and meandering ('cept Lyra's, of course, for obvious reasons), and a couple of times some very British slang snuck into the dialog when I'm not sure you meant it to, but none of that really took me out of the story for more than a second or two. Just little stuff to watch out for in edits, I think.

But seriously, good, GOOD work here. I stayed up well past when I should've slept and cried till my cheeks hurt. 10/10

5224947
It isn't a tear... it's liquid... hmmm...
I guess pride doesn't really work in this situation, does it?

5227913 I don't believe so, unfortunately.

I don't ship them, but the story is good! Keep writing!

First of all, I'm glad I finally found another writer who did a story for the friend off! I was wondering where all the stories were...

Second, this is a beautiful story. I rarely comment on stories, because it is very easy to say things that you don't mean, but I can honestly say that this story is as heartwrenching a story as I have ever read, and I read My Little Dashie!

I love this story, and I hope that everyone who reads it will as well, because this is a story worthy of tears, and if I were still able to cry, I would be. Thank you for writing this.

Comment posted by Kraken Hatchling deleted Oct 16th, 2015

It should be noted that predictable is not bad. I knew where this story was going and almost how it would get there before I even started reading it. I also Favorited it before I even opened the chapter, and as expected it deserved the favorite. I'm a sucker for a tragic romance but I don't know why; actually I do its because no matter how exaggerated a tragic romance gets it always seems more real than the classic romance. I have to say my only hesitance on this story at all is the romantic pairing of Bon Bon and Lyra, but that's a personal thing and shouldn't be reflected in my thoughts. I have a question though besides being obviously musically inclined was there an additional reason for Sweetie Belle to be Lyra's voice of reason. I'd say its the perfect choice because she bares a physical similarity to the confectioner.

A few typos and I knew the ending even before I read it, but it was a good story!

I may not have cried, but I did enjoy it. I don't cry at much, so it would be a big feat to get me to cry. It certainly distracted me from schoolwork.

This is going into my very favorites!

My dear scribbler you have once again made me very sad and toyed with my heart, and even when I saw it coming it still hurt. I am once again surprised at your writing ability, thank you for writing such compelling stories, but please for the future write a few happier endings. Else I fear I may not be able to take reading your tales as they are often too sad.

5211977
I agree with you on all but one thing. I don't know that this is a tragedy; while it's most certainly Sad, the ending is actually far more hopeful than I'd say fits tragedy proper, given they do save her.

The story is a good one sad but you earned this like

Amazing. Absolutely amazing.

Damn it all, I saved this story for later because I didn't have time for twenty-thousand words, then when I came back I had forgotten to recheck the story tags. I went in blind and saw the almost cheery tone of the first half, and I assumed it was all gonna be sunshine and lollipops the whole way.

MISTAKES WERE MADE.

Now I have to go to work in a few minutes and I am in no condition to talk to people. WHICH IS MY JOB.

BUCK.

Ok let me take a guess as to whats going to happen I would read it now but its 2:36 a.m and I cant stay up till 6:30 a.m and yes Im a slow reader so please no hurting feelings. But anyway so whats going on is that Lyra is sending letters to Bon-Bon in Manehatten and people find that weird because Im going with my basic instincts and saying Bon-Bon is dead and the story shows her slowly go mad. But dont listen to me because Im a bucking retared so yeah that is all

One word, HOLYSHITHATWASSUPERAWESOMEMOTIONALANDNOWIMCRYING :D

5229137 I always inturpreted MLD to be the story of a dillusional man living in a world formed by his mind trying to cope with the sheer edginess of his life. Also MLD being sad, even omg Pinkie has cancer fics feel sadder.

5233457
The tragedy is, if you're not paying attention, that you discover towards the end the true nature of the letters Lyra is writing. Ending in a tragic discovery is just as tragic as ending in a tragic death.

5268176
It is, if the tragic discovery is the ending.

Scootaloo coming home to her parents every day, and the fic ending with the CMCs finding her sleeping in a graveyard, is tragedy. But this ends positively, albeit bittersweet. The story isn't about futility, which I feel is a defining aspect of tragedy.

5268604
So the tragedy was a few paragraphs from the end instead of right at the end. I still think it's close enough.

5224348
Indeed this. Not once in even the letters is it mentioned or plans thereof, besides the clue that having a foal together was discussed. It's that one last unspoken sentiment to keep the reader guessing. Were the two already married... or had Lyra intended to pop the question soon? Perhaps even postmortem?

At least..Things turned out well in the end in a sense.

This was an amazing fic.
I especially loved the twist near the end and how it was resolved, showing how difficult it is to accept the loss of a loved one. I also loved your views on cutie marks as well. The only problem with the story I have, or... I say it's more of a nitpick, is the word count. I understand that this was for the little event on Equestria Daily; but for the most part, I feel that dividing it into small chapters would've worked better. However, then again, that's just me. Also, I'm not familiar with their events, which is making me imply that all fics should only be one chapter long when writing for these events. Also, this was twenty thousand words long, so I think dividing them into chapters wouldn't be necessary.
So, overall, this was a great fic that teaches how we shouldn't wallow in the past but move forward and strive for a better life. Good job to you!:twilightsmile:

An absolutely amazing and heart wrenching piece of work. Tears were shed at the end

I'll be honest...when I saw the summary I knew what the twist would be. Still a good story though.

Wow. I almost can't put into words how amazing this story is. Wonderful writing, combined with careful attention to detail, and a great twist that you can just barely see coming, but still hits you with full force. It was the end that really got me, though. :fluttercry: So bittersweet.

Congratulations! A story like this really pulls on my Heartstrings! :twilightsmile:

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