• Member Since 26th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Tuesday

GjallarFox


You now face godlike judgement. May it extend eternally.

T

When I lost my sight, I became a recluse. I hid away, staying in my own world instead of out in the one meant for those with sight. But when Princess Celestia had me move to Ponyville, I had to adjust to a new walk of life, again intended for those with sight. I guess I'm doing okay, thanks to a certain pegasus mare whose kindness and gentle voice got through to me where everyone else has failed.
Rating may be subject to change at later points in the story.
((Cover art done by VGmaster78. Go give him some love.))

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 245 )

That ending with Rainbow Dash was probably the most anticipated part of the chapter; it was obvious that she would say something carelessly. On the sidenote very accurate description of blindness.


But as far as I've ever bothered to look up and/or read, the increased senses just happens... Naturally. Not sure which is true, but I would judge.

2872950
The heightened senses happen naturally (pretty sure on that). I know someone who has insanely poor vision, but he can hear me sneak up on him in a crowd from ten meters away. I can't beat him.

<3 DarqFox

As always it was very well done my friend.

Hmm.. Twilight seems even more anti-social here.

There does seem to be some missing elements though. At Sweet Apple Acres, Twilight stayed for brunch partly because Apple Bloom gave her the puppy-eyes. Wouldn't that not work on Twilight here.

Also, kinda needs the Alternate Universe tag.

2873075
At Sweet Apple Acres, I never specified that Apple Bloom's puppy eyes was that which made her stay. I faded to black and skipped to the next scene before that happened, thusly, allowing the readers to piece together what happened when the curtain was down.

In the matter of the anti-sociality, I was kinda going for that. It gives Shy the perfect opportunity to wriggle her way into Twi's heart just a bit more than the others.

As for the AU tag, added. :twilightsmile:

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this story. I hope you enjoy it.

<3 DarqFox

Well, this was certainly different. You weren't joking around when you said you had something planned that had never been done. Very interesting how descriptions change without the familiar sense of sight. All you have left is touch, hearing, taste, and smell.

As for the heightened senses, this is indeed very accurate. Take a typical human. If he loses his sense of sight, two thirds of his stimuli are silenced instantly. Because the brain doesn't work as hard on what you see, and is only doing one third of it's original work, the other senses get three times the attention. So, obviously your other senses are heightened.

The idea is very promising, and I wonder how it will effect the plot of the show. Well, not the plot, but more so how the events and challenges are dealt with.

Another thing. Twilight must have normal looking eyes, or the others would have noticed instantly. So, what's the deal with her blindness? was it caused by an accident or was she born that way? I assume the latter. Something I noticed though. Would Twilight really get that offended by the words and actions of Rainbow Dash? You would think that people have been offensive about her condition in the past, and RD made an honest mistake. She is not obviously blind, or else the other three would have noticed. The only one who did notice was Fluttershy, and she is much more observant than most other ponies. It just seems a bit odd that she would explode at them like that.

And More chapters are to be written! Heck yes!

2873327
I love working with original concepts. They are what make me who I am. I go into things that no one else goes into, and I do my absolute best to do it well.

As for the story behind the blindness, I've only written the first chapter, and if I told you much, I'd spoil a lot of the story, and I don't want to do that. There will be a chapter with significant backstory stuff, and it'll all fit together, I promise.

I've already deviated from the story, and once I deviate, canon can go eat its own pancreas. There will be a lot of stuff to happen that won't exactly fit in with the show, and that is okay. I promise everything will be fine by the end. Thank you for your long-winded comment. I love long-winged comments. They make me feel... special. :twilightsmile:

<3 DarqFox

Working on Ch2 as you read this.

The deviations from cannon fit, so no problem, and with sight changes are unavoidable.

Interesting, want to see where this go.

This story shall be favorite and tracked.:pinkiehappy:

Wow, Lady Sparkle is more of a jerk here, isn't she, dood.

Maybe we can get a Audio Diary format for this for blind people, dood?

Ahh originality, how I love thee. ^w^

Ah, DarqFox, you've done it again. Your TwiShy is exquisite. Can't wait for more. It's a really intriguing plotline :raritywink:

I once tried to write a Twishy story where Fluttershy had became blind and Twilight wanted to take care of her. Also if you need something drawn I might be able to help.

okay, .... she can follow RD in the sky, but doesn't get it when a bird flies right past her? over all i think in the RD-Twilight-exchange you followed the cannon to much to be believable
other then that interesting story, i will keep watch

Not sure i like this but I am going to see where it goes.

You've activated my trap card

Following just because of this. In all seriousness, I love the concept, and I'm looking forward to more

Spacecowboy
Moderator

Tentatively following this for now. From the structure, it's obvious you know what you're doing on the technica end of things. My only concern is how much of this is going to be rehasing canon episodes to suit the situation of a blind Twilight, rather than you creating your own. Really, that's my only concern.

I love the stories where characters either have, or end up with, a disability such as this and overcome it, or work with it. I'm looking forward to seeing where you go from here, as well as the backstory behind her condition.

2874699
I did follow canon for that one, but I can assure you it will have its significance/explanation as to how she missed the bird but not RD.
2875154
Oh. You notice how I broke off from canon at Rarity's intro, having her not meet Rarity at all? That's my signal for 'I broke canon and I'm not going back to canon.' There will be very little/no more canon from here on in.

<3 DarqFox

Spacecowboy
Moderator

2875472
Then, you have my full support. Please, write ahead full steam. Like I said, I'm a massive sucker for the whole overcoming disabilities approach, and now I wanna see how NMM goes down.

"Well observed, Twinklehooves," I commended, throwing a smile in her general direction.
"...Twinklehooves?" she mumbled, most likely looking at me funny.
"Your hoofsteps, especially your landing from flight," I said, "was so light I almost didn't feel them and I was inches from you."

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2876816
Someone caught the reference? OMAI GABEN! <3

Do you know where it's from?

<3 DarqFox

2876825 the last airbender. i can't believe no one else has caught it yet.

On one hand, I LOVE this concept. Going through actual episodes with Twilight blind? Very interesting! I definitely want to see more, and I tend to enjoy Darqfox fics

On the other, while I understand the need to deviate from canon a bit, their personalities should remain intact, I think. Twilight is noticeably more of a jerk here than she is in canon, heck even before she made friends she showed signs of being a sweet pony. (Her treatment of the guards, Applebloom, and actually trying to be civil to Rainbow Dash)

What I'm saying is, Twilight is more negative here then would be understandable, which effects her ability to be a sympathetic character. It would lack credibility if they still wanted to be her friends after that outburst :applejackunsure:

Toph Sparkle. I like it! Hope to read more of this soon, totally faving it! :heart:

Liked the story so far, it gives a pretty good idea of what being blind could be like, including frustration( and possible insecurities) good luck with the rest of 'em :)

Oh wow, I love this! Feeling bad for Twilight, though... :fluttershysad:
Faved 'cause i need the feels :pinkiesad2: Without them, I am a heartless monster :pinkiecrazy:

Also: images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110913170639/meme/images/a/aa/My_trap_card.jpg

2876851

Damn it! How did I miss that? Loved that show.

This is quite an interesting idea, and the execution thus far was well done.

Rainbow Dash.....sigh, hoped someone smacked her.

2877043

Agreeing with this.

Tracking to see ( :trollestia: ) where this is going , but I have to agree with some of the comments , Twillight seem a lot more jerky. Now , if she was somehow hurt emotionaly in the past because of her blindness , that could be somewhat understandable , but the fact remain that creating the mane six is going to be tough with this kind of Twillight Sparkle.
Now , the worst that could happend would be them trying to create a bond out of pity...
Not a fan of Flutterlight but well , that's the next best choice next to TwiDash (which would be kind of redundant)

2883119
First off, it's TwiShy, not FlutterLight. :trollestia:

Well. I've only written one chapter thus far, so yes, there's a ton of unexplained crap like why she exploded, how she went blind, traumatic experiences, etc, etc. I promise everything will be explained in due time, but until I actually get down to those parts, I just ask for a tiny bit of patience.

Thank you for leaving your thoughts here, as I do appreciate them (even if they are a reiteration of previous reviews) and value them. I should be updating with a little bit more of the backstory next chapter. Hopefully that will be done by Wednesday.

<3 DarqFox

2877043 While I agree she's unduly harsh, she is justified in calling out the town on buddying up to her while completely ignoring her condition and expecting her to put up with their antics when she can't react to them half as well as a sighted pony.

Ok... This has my interest...

~Skeeter The Lurker

2885467
I hope to earn your attention, then. :ajsmug:

<3 DarqFox

2885482

The next chapter will tell if you have. So far... Out look is goooooood.

~Skeeter The Lurker

And with this, I say the following:

You have interest. NOW you have my attention.

~Skeeter he Lurker

2885926
You have no clue how proud of myself you've just made me.

<3 DarqFox

Twishy is always a reason to be a bit more lenient about the backgroundfluff. And knowing your writing darq, we`ll be in for a nice ride :rainbowkiss:

Okay, this all makes a bit more sense now. Did the celebration not happen yet because the only reason Twilight is there is too over see the preparations.

2885985
To clarify, as with canon, the celebration occurred immediately following the defeat of Nightmare Moon, and assigned to study friendship in Ponyville. This was the day after the celebration. Thank you for reminding me to clarify that in the next chapter. :twilightsmile:

<3 DarqFox

2886070
Oh, okay. So that all happened and she was assigned to Ponyville. That does kinda raise another issue though.

I think Twilight would have been more friendly to them in the morning because she already considered them her friends. Not too mention that the apologies would have happened earlier as well, maybe during the trek into the everfree forest or right after. It's just a bit weird to imagine them getting along that night without doing so.

Granted, it's only a small thing and not a real problem, just wanted to if there was an explanation for that.

I'm really surprised about the context of this story; the reason that started my interest towards this in the first place. But I'm more surprised about the one who's actually the blind one, maybe a bit risky decision, but makes the story even more intriguing :twilightsmile:

I really don't mind about this not going the same tracks as the series, this isn't the same story after all. I just hope it gets enough attention in the good way, because this is relly interesting point of view for the story (so to speak). And good writing as well, nothing major mistakes to point out at quick glance, that being actually somewhat hard thing to achieve in here :ajsmug: Keep up the good work :pinkiehappy:

2886096

No small issue? BULLSHIT. That's a very big issue I have to reslove. Thank Gamer Luna for flashbacks. I'll have to take care of that soon enough.

Thank you for questioning me there. You deserve a moustache. :moustache:

<3 DarqFox

Hmm... the TwiShy seems to be moving quite quick.

And where did Spike go?

"Well, there's me cooking bacon and pancakes,"

Um.... Uh.... Um... I have no words for this...


And don't worry about the pacing, I LOVE stories that take the time to set up the characters (Of course, I like any entertaining read) :facehoof:

So far, so good by the way :twilightsmile:

2885275 This IS a fair point, yes, though they've only just found out she's blind, and haven't really had the chance to adjust their antics.

Still, I've read the next chapter by this point, so I'm okay now :twilightsmile:

2886254 Well to me that's just it. She's upset with them because they haven't taken any time to care about her as an actual pony, and as such she's just being weighed down when she's already quite disadvantaged to begin with. She feels taken for granted because all of these ponies expect her to be as open, friendly and enthusiastic as they are when they can't even take time to notice the colour of her pupils.

*Relieved sigh* THAT'S the Twilight Sparkle I know and love :twilightsmile:

My only complaint from last chapter is now void, so as of this chapter I'm fully on board with this :raritywink:

I didn't mention before, but I WAS intrigued by the description of what it means to be blind. I never know how far to go with them. I want to accommodate them, but at the same time I don't want to offend them by coddling them :twilightsheepish:

2886137 It is a little quick, but I can imagine a SLIGHT crush forming already, thanks to Fluttershy being so accommodating :raritywink:

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