What's it like to be blind, you ask? Well, it's a little something like this...
When I lost my sight, I became a recluse. I hid away, staying in my own world instead of out in the one meant for those with sight. But when Princess Celestia had me move to Ponyville, I had to adjust to a new walk of life, again intended for those with sight. I guess I'm doing okay, thanks to a certain pegasus mare whose kindness and gentle voice got through to me where everyone else has failed. Rating may be subject to change at later points in the story. ((Cover art done by VGmaster78. Go give him some love.))
I was blind. I didn't see. No endless black, nor infinite white. Just nothingness. I could feel my eyes open and blink, but it was useless to try to blink my eyes awake. I read avidly, but that was because I had learned a certain spell from the Princess. I could only use it for half an hour before I exhausted my magic reserves, and even then I'd still be color blind. I used it on the rare occasion where there was a book I wanted to read that wasn't in Bridle. But even though I had that spell, I was still completely blind, so I learned to use my other senses to make up for it.
When I met my friends, I took extreme care to memorize their distinctive voices, their identifying scents, but most of all, I learned what their hoofsteps felt like. I listened through the ground to each impact, judging the amount of weight behind each step, and how the ground carried that shockwave to me. I listened to and smelled my friends, but most importantly, I felt them.
--
"Come on, Twilight," my small draconic companion insisted. "Just try."
I glared at him with my sightless eyes before casting a doubtful expression in the general direction I felt another pony approach from. I mentally steeled myself, unsure of whether said pony was even a pony at all. Maybe he or she was a mule, or a donkey, or even a zebra. For all I knew I could be staring at a griffon that would kill and eat me as soon as he or she would greet me.
"Uh... Hello?"
The mare in question replied with a sudden extended gasp, the likes of which I had never thought possible. Her hooves left the ground, making me believe that she was a pegasus mare. But I soon crossed that theory off my metaphorical drawing board, as she galloped off, rather than flew. I cast a useless glance in the direction the pounding of her hooves was coming from, before turning back to Spike with another glare. "Well, that was interesting alright."
A dejected sigh from my scaly companion was the perfect reward. We continued on down the road, with Spike navigating the unfamiliar territory by way of a map. I carefully weaved through the crowds of ponies, all of whom were moving their hooves in some fashion. Had they not been, I'd have rammed square into several ponies because I couldn't feel them through the ground. But I mostly just listened to Spike as he guided me towards our first destination.
"...Sweet Apple Acres!" the mention of the place snapped me from my meditative thoughts. Within seconds, my ears were assaulted by a loud 'Yehaw!' and the feeling of thundering hooves rolling past. I tracked the feminine pony's heavy hoofsteps and shuddered when she skidded to a halt and slamming her rear hooves into a tree. The shockwave made its way through the ground and up my hooves, throwing a wild shiver up my spine. Either this was an incredibly strong mare, or a filly-voiced stallion.
I sighed as I felt a hundred tiny thumps hit a hard surface between their origin point and the ground, making a muffled clatter in the earth. I near groaned, "Let's get this over with..."
I donned my mask of courteousness, making myself at least appear as though I cared. I silently cleared my throat, and began formally, "Good afternoon! My name is Twilight Sparkle."
Not a second after I finished, my front left hoof was plucked from the ground and shaken like an old fashioned well pump. "Well howdy do, miss Twilight!" the mare, I was sure the pony was a mare, answered, "Pleasure makin' yer acquaintance." She did not stop shaking my hoof. I felt my shoulders begin to heat up from the friction of the bones in the socket. "I'm Applejack. We here at Sweet Apple Acres sher do like makin' new friends." I could feel her sickeningly friendly and impossibly genuine smile. I don't know how I felt it, but I did, and it very much upset me. But I kept my mask on as best I could, trying not to anger anypony that I'd have to hear around town again. I added a layer of professionalism to my mask, just to be safe.
"Friends? Actually, I–" I tried to say, though my voice undulated from her still shaking my hoof.
She let go, though my hoof continued shaking on its own because of that abnormally long and strong hoofshake. "So," she huffed. "What can I do ya for?"
Spike took a moment to stop my hoof. I glared daggers at him as he snickered.
"Well. I am, in fact, here to supervise preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration. And, you're in charge of the food?"
"We sher as sugar are! Wooja care ta sample some?"
"As long as it doesn't take too long..."
I was once again deafened by an incredibly loud sound. The familiar clanging of a triangle resounded through the area, followed closely thereafter by Applejack hollering, "Soup's on, ev'rypony!"
A massive rumbling of hooves rapidly approached. Too many ponies to count were sprinting from various places around the orchard towards Applejack's call, and they seemed to be converging on me. By the time I knew what was going on, I was swept up by the crowd of unfamiliar ponies.
"Now," the now semi-irksomely friendly pony called Applejack started, her voice coming from seemingly nowhere. "Why don't I introduce you to the Apple family?"
-
As we left Sweet Apple Acres, I felt at least twice as heavy as I had been when I arrived. But not only that, I felt even less hopeful that I'd get done with the preparations in time to research more on Nightmare Moon. I didn't like that Applejack pony. She had been far too friendly for me, and had wasted a large chunk of my precious time. I only hoped not everypony in this unfamiliar town was as cheeky and upbeat as her.
"Food's all taken care of. Next is weather," Spike said, checking a box on the list.
"Uuugghh... I ate too much pie..."
"Hmm... There's supposed to be a pegasus pony named Rainbow Dash clearing the clouds..." By the tone of his voice, there were clouds in the sky, and no pegasi clearing them.
"Well," I huffed, "she's not doing a very good job, is she?"
Something big and fast slammed into my side at incredible velocity, cracking a rib or two, possibly breaking one. All of the air in my lungs was forced from them, leaving me without breath enough to mutter any signal of pain. I landed in a puddle of mud that I had not known was there, with somepony on top of me. I wanted to scream at whoever it was, but I had a feeling that doing so would be a bad idea, so I held my tongue.
She chuckled at me, apparently finding the crash humorous. "Eheheheh, um... 'Scuse me? Eheheheheh." The mare, I could tell she was a mare by the feel of her belly on my back, took flight again, unscathed. I felt powerful wingbeats on my back as I lay face down in the mud, cringing in pain. I very much wanted to scream at her now. "Let me help you."
The sudden absence of her wingbeats sent a shiver down my spine as I stared uselessly upwards. I knew I couldn't see this pony, but I disliked her absence more than her presence. I was soon re-greeted by the now-familiar wingbeats, along with a sudden shift in the air-density directly above me. I looked up, dreading what I thought was going on.
Cold. Icy, wet rain soaked into my muddied coat like a shower. Frigid tendrils of cold reached into me and gripped my bones. My mane flopped down and stuck to my neck. I glared at the pegasus mare with my sightless gaze, hoping that my expression seemed irked enough to make her at least try to salvage her first impression. "Oohoops, heheh... I guess I overdid it. Um... Uh... How 'bout this!"
Dread filled me as her wingbeats above me disappeared once again. I felt the air around me begin to swirl at high velocity, pulling the water from my coat. "My very own, patented, Rainblow Dry!" The wind stopped. "No, no. Don't thank me. You're quite welcome."
I felt my mane expand in what must have been the single most ridiculous poof anyone had ever seen. I glared daggers at the laughing mare that had now assaulted, drenched, and humiliated me, praying that a bolt of lightning would smite one of us dead. At that point, either would work.
"Let me guess," I began, adopting my formal tone. "You're Rainbow Dash."
She shot to her hooves instantaneously, throwing my guffawing draconic companion a few meters away. "The one and only!" she bragged. I could feel the weight of her ego already. "Why? Ya' heard of me?"
Perfect, thought I, I get to burst her bubble.
"I heard you're supposed to be keeping the sky clear," I hinted sarcastically. "I'm Twilight Sparkle, and the princess sent me to check on the weather."
"Yeah, yeah, that'll be a snap!" she countered lazily from somewhere above me. She was difficult to pinpoint, as there were no wingbeats to hear or feel. She was probably laying on a cloud that shouldn't exist. "I'll do it in a jiffy! Just as soon as I finish practicing!"
"Practicing? For what?"
"The Wonderbolts!" she gushed enthusiastically. "They're gonna perform at the celebration tomorrow! And I'm gonna show 'em my stuff!"
"The Wonderbolts?"
"Yup."
"The most talented fliers in all of Equestria?" I continued, laying my trap.
"That's them!"
"Pfffft. They'd never accept a pegasus who can't even keep the sky clear for one measly day!"
"Hey!" she growled, voice cracking. "I could clear the sky in ten seconds flat!"
I smirked. She fell right into my trap. You've activated my trap card, I mentally joked. "Prove it."
Soft dull poofs filled the air, from various directions almost consecutively. I could feel the soft explosions of clouds being kicked out of existence, one after another, and the harsh gusts of wind as the pegasus pony jet straight past us. I tracked her movements with my ears, keeping tabs on each puff of dissipating cloud. As I counted, the puffs slowed down ever so slightly, finishing on the precise count of ten with the soft clop of her hooves on the cobblestone bridge a few meters away. I felt my jaw drop.
"Wha'd I tell ya? Ten seconds flat," she boasted, her ego growing just a little more. "I'd never leave Ponyville hangin'!"
I could not respond. I was far too busy wondering how the hay she did it.
"You should see the look on your face!" she taunted, shooting me unknowingly with an invisible arrow. "Ha! You're a laugh, Twilight Sparkle! I can't wait to hang out some more!"
I felt myself deadpan. I'd met another pony that wanted to be friends. I did not like that. Not one bit.
-
"Decorations!" Spike listed off. "Um... No offense, Twilight..."
"No," I huffed, dislodging him from my back. "I understand. It's something that requires sight. I get it."
I sighed in relief, having gotten out of meeting another pony that would probably just try to make friends with me the instant I told them my name. "Where should I go?"
"Last item is music," he informed. "There should be a bird orchestra in the park. You should go check it out."
"Music, huh? Right up my alley."
-
Birdsong filled my ears. Glorious birdsong fanfare, perfect in synchronization and pitch, save for one bird. My heightened hearing made it bluntly apparent that it was significantly off rhythm and pitch. However, I heard a very soft voice whisper something to the bird, and soon, everything was fine and dandy. I sat in the bushes, simply listening to the amazing music that the pony I could hear but not see conducted from them. Either the pony was standing dead still, or was a pegasus with extremely soft wingbeats.
I stepped out of the bush. I don't know why I was so cautious with my steps, nor why I walked so slowly. I just listened to the music and followed it. It was only when I got within a few feet of the pony that I started feeling wingbeats on the ground. I took two more steps forward and wound up directly beneath the pony that I could barely feel the presence of. Whoever this pegasus was, she was note-worthy.
I felt her wingbeats slow as she lowered herself to the ground, slowly inching towards me. I silently gasped and sidestepped just in time for her to touch the ground so lightly that it felt like the twinkle of a star would appear as described by the princess when she read to me. I felt myself staring at her with wonder and awe. I silently cursed my lack of sight.
I accidentally let go of a breath I didn't know I was holding just a little bit too loudly. She gasped suddenly at my presence, and immediately backpedaled a little bit before falling back on her haunches. I felt her begin shivering a little bit.
"Oh! I'm so sorry for sneaking up on you," I quickly apologized. The last thing I wanted was to scare anypony.
She stopped shivering, but I couldn't discern any other movements. I decided to introduce myself, "I'm Twilight Sparkle. And you are?"
She hesitated a bit before softly answering, "I'm Fluttershy..." She almost trailed off too softly for me to hear. I thanked my luck for my heightened hearing.
"I was sent from Canterlot to check on the music preparations for the celebration tomorrow," I informed softly, sitting down. "I wasn't expecting something so beautiful!"
She scraped a hoof along the ground bashfully, the rough scraping of tiny rock bits rubbing against each other and her hoof resonating enough for me to know her precise location relative to me. I shifted my gaze slightly away from her. She muttered a very low 'thank you' that I was sure I wouldn't have heard had I had my sight.
"It's very nice to meet you, Fluttershy," I giggled, unsure of why she was so nervous. "And again, your music was incredible! I can't wait to hear what you do for the festival!"
There was a moment of awkward silence.
"You're blind, aren't you?" she blurted from nowhere. I flinched a little, surprised by the suddenness of the question.
"You're the first to notice," I sighed after a moment. "What gave it away?"
"Well," she started, "your eyes pointed just a tiny bit too far to your left, and Mister Oreal just flew right past you and you didn't notice."
"Well observed, Twinklehooves," I commended, throwing a smile in her general direction.
"...Twinklehooves?" she mumbled, most likely looking at me funny.
"Your hoofsteps, especially your landing from flight," I said, "was so light I almost didn't feel them and I was inches from you."
"Oh..."
"I'm sorry I have to leave in such a rush," I informed softly, "but I have to get to the library to study." I stood up and shook the dust from my haunches. "I'm a bit new in town... Maybe you could show me around?"
"U-um... Sure."
I awkwardly scraped the ground with a hoof. "Could you... maybe... Show me to the library...?"
She giggled warmly, and stood up. She walked towards me and flicked my nose with her tail. "Just follow me," she bubbled.
-
I stepped into the library proper. Everything seemed still about the place. I smelled semi-stale air, mixed with the scent of fresh cupcakes follo– Cupcakes?
"SURPRISE!" the cacophony of a few dozen voices in sloppy unison hit my ears. I near jumped out of my skin in shock. My voice caught in my throat before I could scream. How so many ponies had stood still enough for me to not notice them baffled me. I felt my eye twitch.
"Surprise!" a particularly loud mare hollered over the starting party. "I'm Pinkie Pie and I threw this party just for you!" I felt her bounce in place with overwhelming excitement. I silently wondered what kind of medicines she was or was not taking. "Were you surprised? Were ya? Were ya? Huh?" She bounced over me like a rubber ball that could control its own movements. "Huh? Huh?"
"Very surprised!" I breathed heavily, my heart still pounding in my chest. I deadpanned for effect, "Libraries are supposed to be quiet."
"That's just silly!" she exclaimed, her joy starting to kill my good mood from meeting the one pony that didn't instantly try to befriend me. "What kind of welcome-party would this be if it were quiet? I mean, duh! Booooring! Ya see-" I started walking away, trying desperately to not bump into ponies, which was much harder because of the multiple interferences from other ponies' voices and hoofsteps. "I saw you when you first got here, remember? You were all, 'Hello' and I was all 'HHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNHHHHH!!!' remember?"
I started tuning out her rapid babble, my expression shifting to one of severe annoyance. I sighed heavily, wishing that someone would distract her for me and save my hide. But I had no such good luck. On the contrary; I ran straight into the drink table that I had no idea was there. The table fell forward, the glassware on top flying off and shattering on the hardwood floor. I fell back on my rump fairly hard, but not too hard. I felt the blazing stares of everypony nearby as they looked upon the commotion.
"Y'all alright, sugarcube?" the familiar southern accent of Applejack asked, her roughed up hoof placing itself on my shoulder. I promptly threw it off in frustration.
"I'm fine. I don't need help," I hissed, fuming a little bit.
"How'd you not see that there?" the raspy, unstable voice of Rainbow Dash interrogated. I instantly shot a death glare her way. "Alright! Alright! Jeez! It's not like I'm callin' ya blind!"
My death glare intensified and I felt the strange but tempting urge to pull the pegasus down and tear out her feathers. "I am blind, featherbrain," I growled sharply. I picked myself up and ignored the stares of unfamiliar ponies. I walked around the fallen table and broken glass and the puddle of various party drinks, fuming mad. I felt ponies move when they saw me coming, and I thought them wise.
"W-wait, darling!" a new, very feminine, voice called out as I finally reached the stairs that led to the living quarters. "We're all just trying to be frien–"
"Friends?" I snapped, earning the full attention of every single pony in the library. "Yeah. I'm not here to make friends! I'm here on business, and to investigate the prophecy of Nightmare Moon's return! I don't have time for friends! I don't need friends! I don't want friends! I want to be LEFT ALONE!" I fumed, feeling cold icy hatred boil its way up into my words. "All of you overly-friendly ponies are driving me insane! Inviting me to a family reunion luncheon?!" I glared Applejack's way. "Assaulting me!" I seethed with rage and shifted my death glare towards Rainbow Dash. "Throwing parties in a library!" The knives I shot through my glare seemed to pop the bouncing pony, making her weight suddenly much more tangible in the floor. "AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUHHHHHH!!!!!!!" I turned and started up the stairs, ignoring the confused whispers of unfamiliar ponies.
"I... I think we should leave her alone..." Fluttershy murmured in my defense. My scowl softened some as I realized that she was on my side. I continued up the stairs, a tear of depressed frustration leaking from my sightless eyes.
I woke up at precisely dawn, though I never saw the 'rosy fingers' that books had described. It was more of an instinctual habit now, having been woken at dawn when Celestia woke to raise the sun. I'd always hear her slip on her gilded slippers and walk noisily across the well-polished marble flooring to her balcony that overlooked the wonderfully fragrant Royal Gardens. When her hoofsteps didn't echo in the large space of her chambers, I'd wake up and join her, though I could never appreciate the sight of dawn. But I always enjoyed the feeling of warmth the sun gave me. Always pleasant, like a warm fire and a blanket on Hearth's Warming, or a fresh-baked cookie. Waking at dawn had always been the key to keeping my sanity without my sight. It had been so long since I'd seen anything that I'd forgotten colors. One could tell me that the sky was blue, and I'd never remember the difference if someone else told me it was yellow.
I shuffled to my hooves and got out of my bed. I walked over to the wall and hugged it, taking note of the smooth wood's texture. I walked carefully along the edge of my new room, counting the steps around, and tracking where my bed was with my head. When I got to the stairwell, I turned to face my bed, assuming I did the geometry correctly, and I stepped away from the wall. I reached my bed in eight steps.
I walked back to the stairwell, hugging the outer wall of it. I counted each step, and calculated how far around in a circle I went as I descended the spiral staircase. It took me twenty-two stairs and two-hundred seventy degrees around to reach the library proper.
The warm scent of fresh pancakes hit my nostrils, as did the sudden hissing of hay-bacon sizzling to life in a frying pan hit my ears. Somepony had just started cooking. I followed the left wall, as was my habit when exploring new buildings, going roughly ninety degrees around before I hit an opening in the wall from which the glorious scent of pancakes and bacon wafted. As much as I wanted to believe it was just Spike cooking, I knew he didn't know how to fry hay-bacon properly. I gingerly poked my head around the corner, hoping to get a better earful or nose-full of the intruding pony.
An incredibly feminine voice hummed softly as the bacon fried and the pancakes cooked. It was almost familiar. "Rarity, right?" I asked around the corner.
"Right you are, darling," the voice replied casually, as though it were perfectly normal for her to be there.
I started to hear the sound of a knife on a cutting board, and a slight rumble of a dense fruit rolling after being split in two. There were more ponies in my library. "Alright. What gives? Who all is here?" I near growled, mildly exasperated that I couldn't even enjoy a private morning exploring my new home. "And more importantly, why are you here?"
"Well, there's me cooking bacon and pancakes," Rarity answered, "Applejack slicing apples, Rainbow and Fluttershy setting up plates and silverware, and Pinkie cleaning the mess from the party the other day out in the common."
I deadpanned. Great, I mentally cursed. Those ponies. Just who I wanted in my library at the crack of dawn. But the more I thought about my first encounters with each of them, the more horrible I felt for my harsh reaction, especially towards Fluttershy, who was among the group. I remembered Rainbow's innocent comment, and shuddered at myself. They had only been treating me exactly how I wanted them to: as though I weren't blind. They're probably here to apologize even though I'm the one who was wrong...
"We're reeeeeeeeally sorry about the party," Pinkie's voice called from behind me somewhere in the middle of the common. "I had no idea you didn't want a party. Everypony I meet likes parties..."
"Yeah, and I'm sorry about my mouth going off without my head," Rainbow's unstable voice added. "I had no idea you really were blind."
"Actually... I should be the one apologizing..." I sighed. "My outburst... No... My explosion the other day was unacceptable. I had no grounds to say such things, and certainly not to you all. You were just treating me the same as anypony else. I'm sorry for lashing out like that. You didn't know."
"I should have guessed..." Rainbow growled at herself. "It should have been obvious... The way you tracked me in the air... Only shifting your gaze from cloud to cloud..."
"Rainbow," I interrupted. "It's fine. I didn't expect you to know. I try very hard to hide it."
"U-um... Might I ask... Why do you not want ponies to know you're blind...?" Fluttershy interjected softly. "I mean... You don't have to answer..."
"I don't like being treated differently," I answered. "Some ponies in Canterlot treated me differently when I lost my sight. They all pitied me. I hated it."
"Makes enuff sense ta me," Applejack drawled. "I wouldn't want pity if I lost a leg."
"Either way, you still haven't told me why you're all in my kitchen cooking breakfast," I grumbled, forcing the tangent full circle.
"We wanted to apologize for making your first day in Ponyville as uncool as we did," Rainbow offered her point. "Especially me... I did crash into you..."
"Apology accepted," I concluded. "It's totally fine."
The sound of bacon sizzling soon stopped, and many flops of fresh cooked pancakes hitting ceramic plates filled the air. Everything smelled glorious. My mouth watered in anticipation, and my stomach growled in agreement. I felt the ponies in my kitchen stare at me before giggling profusely. I joined them out of embarrassment.
Within minutes, we were all seated at the table, engaged in idle chatter about our daily lives, our likes and dislikes, and various stories of past escapades we'd done. I learned that Applejack had at one point run away from home to find herself in Manehatten, but soon returned because she didn't like the society there. I learned that Rainbow had signed up for the Best Young Fliers competition the day she met me. I learned that Rarity was a local fashion designer that had a few clients in Canterlot, but was hoping to eventually be based there. But I never heard much about Fluttershy. I'd heard that she and Dash had been in the same Flight School class, but not much else. It was curious to say the least.
"So what are all of your cutie marks?" I asked casually, hoping no one brought up my blindness. There were only a few things I'd ask about ponies having anything to do with appearance.
"Mine's a trinity of diamonds," Rarity answered just as casually.
"Three apples," AJ replied simply, crunching on another apple.
"The rainbow lightning bolt," Dash informed smoothly.
"Three balloons!" Pinkie chirped, near bouncing out of her chair.
"Three butterflies," Fluttershy answered softly.
An awkward silence descended upon the room, cracking only when forks hit plates. I 'looked' around, trying and failing to judge the expressions on the faces of my... friends. As much as I didn't want friends, I had to admit these ponies were trying very hard to be my friend, and I kinda liked it.
"Hey Twilight?" Rainbow broke the silence. "Mind if I ask ya something...?"
"I'll allow this once," I sighed, already knowing where this was going. "Shoot."
"Um... When... When did you... y'know... lose your sight?" she stammered a bit, anxious of my previous explosion. I felt one of her legs shaking under the table. When I met her, she was bold and cocky. I found it strange that she was so nervous, but I understood why she would be. I did explode at her for an innocent comment. I felt everyone hold their breath as they waited for my response.
I mourned, drooping a little as the unpleasant memories of how I lost my sight filled my head, "I lost it when I earned my cutie mark..."
Applejack, who happened to be sitting directly next to me, placed one of her rough and scratchy hooves on my shoulder. I didn't bother shaking it off this time. I felt everyone's heads lower in sympathy. Even though I didn't want the sympathy, it was only fair that I should tell them a few things about how I came to be blind.
"I'm... sorry for asking..." Dash whispered.
--
It was incredibly pleasant outside that morning. The sun's familiar warmth caressed my skin and coat, bringing me right back up from the depths of my bad memories. I felt the subtle seismic waves of hoofsteps and their familiar sounds on the compacted dirt streets of Ponyville. I smiled to myself, feeling the presence of Fluttershy next to me. As usual, her hoofsteps were extremely light and soft, making her almost impossible to keep track of. I liked that about her.
"So, what kind of places do you want to find?" she asked in her gentle voice.
"Well, I definitely want to know where the local coffee and teashops are," I mentioned.
"Oh! I know the perfect teashop!" she half-squealed. I silently wondered what I'd done to excite her. But I had no time to do more than wonder, as she started moving.
"Lead the way, Twinklehooves."
I followed closely beside her, keeping track of her soft steps. "It's this nice little hole-in-the-wall place, but the only teashop you'll need to know." She nudged me a little with her wing before starting to turn towards me. I turned with her, now knowing her signal for a turn.
I listened to the chatter of the town as I passed them by, some noticing me and lifting a hoof off the ground to wave as they called a friendly 'hello'. I simply smiled, listening to the town, learning its many voices. I heard a foal wail loudly halfway up the street on the right side. I heard a marketplace just a block or two over, bustling with merchants calling out their produce as the best around and customers haggling prices with them.
Fluttershy stopped and tapped me with her wing again, turning sharply to the right. I followed, smelling the various blends of tea already. I smiled, having memorized the route to this teashop. She opened the door and held it as I walked in. I quietly thanked her before turning my attention back to the wall of scent inside the warm teashop. I heard a few ponies in a corner talking, probably a couple. I heard the familiar scratch of a quill on paper from another table. I heard the dull whistle of water boiling in a kettle behind a closed double-hinged door. I liked this place already.
"Oh! Fluttershy! What brings you here so early!" an unfamiliar female voice called from where I assumed the counter was.
"Oh, hey Rosemary. I'm showing my friend around town," Fluttershy replied brightly. "She's new to Ponyville. Thought I'd show her The Teapot."
"Well, miss..." the mare identified as Rosemary hesitated.
"Twilight," I answered.
"Well, miss Twilight, I'm sure you'd love this place as we do," she continued. "Oh yes! Poetry night is tonight at six, if you'd like to join us."
The poetry caught me off guard. A teashop with an organized poetry night was rare in Canterlot. Most ponies there were far too stuck up or business-oriented to care about liberal arts like literature. There were a few artists of various kinds like cellist Octavia Philharmonica and writer Redd Quill, but not many. I thought for one moment of coming back for the poetry, and instantly accepted, "Absolutely."
I heard Fluttershy hum happily, "I'll be sharing this time!"
I felt a smile creep onto my face when I heard her say that. I had a perfect opportunity to learn about Fluttershy.
"Would you like to share anything, miss Twilight?" Rosemary asked me.
"I'm afraid I don't have anything," I faltered. "Maybe next week."
"Sounds good to me. Shall I get you your usual, Fluttershy?" Rosemary inquired.
"Make it two," my pegasus guide replied warmly.
I mentally prodded myself, Why did I get so excited at the idea of hearing Fluttershy's poetry? Certainly I wouldn't have gotten that excited if it were Rainbow Dash or Applejack.
We sat down at a table, Fluttershy having made an order of whatever her 'usual' was for both of us. Now somewhat alone, I allowed my mind to wander off onto various tangents.
She must be a regular here. It would make sense; a quiet, withdrawn mare coming out to an out-of-the-way teashop that probably receives as much business per week as the average Sunbucks does in one day. Maybe just for the comfortable atmosphere, maybe to see somepony special. Who knows.
"So what other kinds of places do you want to know the locations of?" she inquired, rousing me from my thoughts.
"Oh... Well, I heard the market on the way here, and I think I smelled a bakery," I listed off, trying to remember if there were any other important landmarks I needed to know. "Perhaps the park and your homes."
"Okay," I felt her smile warmly. "That bakery you smelled was Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie lives there."
A weighted tray was placed on our table, the steaming vapor of scalding hot water notifying me that it was meant for making tea. A pleasant scent made its way to me, making me feel a bit more relaxed. I'd tried a number of different tea blends, but had never even smelled this one in particular. Perhaps it was a Ponyville signature. I eagerly located the teabag responsible for the aroma and dunked it into the steaming water.
"What kind of tea is this?" I asked, taking another whiff as the tea steeped. "I haven't smelled this blend before."
"Try it first," she deflected.
I took a sip of the tea and was greeted with a strong burst of lavender warmly embracing my mouth. Subtle pinches and pops of cinnamon and the slightest hints of lemon set in soon after the initial wave of flavor. I took another sip of the blend, enjoying its perfect balance of flavors, feeling myself melt a little bit. My shoulders loosened, lowering the drink by an inch. My back loosened and hunched slightly, bringing my face back down towards the tea.
"What is this?" I wondered aloud. "What is this beautiful concoction?"
"It's the Everfree Lavender blend," she giggled, taking another sip of her own tea. "My own personal blend."
My expression of wonder shifted to one of disbelief, "You make this blend yourself?"
She offered a soft hum of affirmation, taking another sip of the delightful beverage.
--
She was an amazing guide. She showed me around town, helping me find points of interest like particularly good cafés and restaurants, bakeries, and the occasional strange landmark like the Quill and Sofa shop. She was able to work around my blindness, signaling turns with light nudges from her wing rather than calling them out loud. She had no idea how much I appreciated that aspect of her guidance. She was always gentle and considerate to my desire to keep my blindness on a need-to-know basis. She didn't talk too much, as I'm sure Pinkie would have should she have been my guide, but she did make interesting conversation. Apparently, she lived in a cottage on the outskirts of Ponyville, just outside the Everfree Forest. She told humorous stories of the animals she cared for, including one of beating a grizzly bear in a wrestling match. For the first time in a long time, I felt myself smiling, all because of her. I quickly began thinking of her as the best friend I'd ever had.
We returned to the library at roughly four o'clock, having spent the entire day combing the streets of Ponyville, learning of the various places. I smiled, feeling the already familiar coolness of the library. I stepped forward just a little ways before I remembered to hug the wall. I was still learning the layout of the place, as I was for Ponyville. I estimated I'd need another week of guidance around town before I could feel comfortable and confident going out on my own.
I felt Fluttershy nudge me with her wing once again, as though telling me that she'd guide me safely through the unknown center of the room. I tentatively stepped away from the wall, sticking close to my gentle pegasus friend. Slowly and carefully, she guided me through the common, tapping things with her hoof when we got close so I could hear where the solid objects were. When we made it the whole way through to the staircase, I'd found that the main common of the library had a small wooden coffee table carved out of the tree the library used to be, two armchairs and a loveseat.
"Thank you for showing me around today, Fluttershy," I said.
"Oh, you're very welcome. Any time," she chirped softly.
A grandfather clock chimed four, its loud bells echoing in the resonant wood. I yawned, "I'm pretty comfortable with the location of that teashop, but I'll need a bit more time to remember everything else."
"Oh. I'd be happy to help you around until you're comfortable with Ponyville," she offered quickly.
"I'd like that," I murmured. "Anyway, I'm going to take a quick nap. I'll see you at six for the poetry night?"
"Sounds good," she replied happily. She gave me a quick hug before cantering off, her hoofsteps just as light as though she were walking normally.
My mind soon flooded with thoughts, most of which began breaking down the hug and its possible meanings. To me it was a bit out of place. She was my friend, and friends hug each other sometimes, but I'd only known her for a bit over thirty-six hours at that point. I doubted that hugging a friend that soon after meeting them was not a common occurrence. But then again, I kinda liked it. It was, as I had expected, soft and gentle, though very quick. Not only that, but it was the first time I'd felt her fur and mane. Both were softer than the finest silk I'd felt in the palace. I didn't think much of it, but I had a subtle desire to feel it again.
I reached my bed lost in thought, though physically exhausted. I kept replaying the short exchange and the hug that came of it, trying to figure out what made her hug me. Within seconds of plopping down on my bed, I took the surgical breakdown of that one moment to my dreams.
I woke up exactly ninety minutes after I fell asleep just as confused about the hug as I had been before my nap. It made no sense to me why she'd hug me like that when she barely knew me. But it was five-thirty in the evening and it was time to head over to the little teashop she showed me. I was glad I remembered the location of it.
I took the exact thirty steps from my bed to the stairs and down to the common at a casual, comfortable walk. But when I got to the common, I was just a bit more careful. I slowly crept through the large open space, making sure I wouldn't accidentally ram into another table or something. When I finally got through, I sighed in relief that I had managed to remember the clear path through the room.
The streets were a lot more calm in the evening sun. I could hear merchants at the market a few blocks away calling out their closing specials. I cantered off to my destination, feeling far fewer hoofsteps than I had that morning. I turned where I smelled the bakery that Fluttershy had mentioned was Sugarcube Corner. Down the road I went, counting my steps as I went, remembering that the teashop would be on my right.
I heard her call my name as I approached the hole-in-the-wall teashop, though I could have easily not heard her should a talking pony have been just a few feet closer to me. I turned sharply towards her, smiling broadly and perking up a bit at her voice.
We stepped into The Teapot at three minutes and forty-one seconds before six. There were significantly more ponies inside this time, as I heard at least a dozen more voices than I had that morning. We sat down at a table roughly in the center of the shop, Fluttershy having ordered some tea before I arrived.
"Ladies and gentlecolts, my fellow poets," a low, somewhat gruff male voice greeted, "welcome. This week, we seem to have a guest. Tell me, young miss. Are you a poet as well?"
I remained silent until Fluttershy nudged me beneath the table. I responded, "Well, I do write poetry, but I am no true poet."
"Ah, so you are a poet," he self-assured. "Have you anything to share this evening?"
"No, sadly," I answered percussively.
"Well that's a shame, then. Now, who shall go first?"
The ponies in the shop pounded their hooves against the ground loudly, the shockwaves rippling through the ground to me like drops of rain in a puddle. Somepony off to my left was selected, and the one that had been asking me questions jumped from what I guessed to be a stage. The selected pony proceeded to jump up onto said stage and read off his poem.
The night proceeded with some excellent poetry of all kinds of styles, rhythms, rhyme schemes, and meters. Subject matter was entirely random, varying from war to nature to love to depression. Nothing appeared to be off limits, and no one censored their work, as they would in a Canterlot café. It was a refreshing change of pace for me, and I very much enjoyed every poem and the styles in which they were told.
"I summon Fluttershy to the stage," the most recent pony stated, stepping down.
She took a deep breath before standing up and stepping up onto the stage.
"Um... Hey everypony," she started, her nerves getting to her a little bit. I closed my eyes, taking one pair of eyes off her, hoping for it to help her in some way. "You all know who I am, so I'll just skip my introduction... I actually just wrote this an hour ago. I had been planning on something else... but I think this one is more appropriate for tonight. I wrote this one about my new friend, who happens to be our guest here tonight. So... Um... Without further ado... Colorblind..."
"Colorblind..." she started softly, almost whispering. "She's colorblind. Coffee black and egg white. But she doesn't rely on sight. No, she lives by feel. To her that's real. Tangible. But even so, she sees far more than I do. She can see the hidden hurt in your voice and help you when you're down. She can see the way your hooves hit the ground and precisely how the sound bounces off the walls, and can tell you exactly what the walls are made of, even though they could be painted some obscure color you've never seen before in all your life. I couldn't tell the difference if I tried to tear it down with a pickaxe.
So even though she can't see like you or me, don't you doubt that she can see."
The crowd erupted into their thunderous applause of hoofstomps, louder for her poem than anypony else's. I felt my own hooves join into the crowd, praising her skillfully crafted words. I couldn't comprehend why she'd write about me. I was nothing special. I was just a blind mare with a slight temper and an antisocial tendency. Why she described me with such praise was beyond me.
After picking another poet from the crowd, she returned to our table with a soft murmured 'thank you', sitting down quietly. "That was..." I gasped, searching for the proper word to describe my thoughts on her poem. I felt her turn away, most likely blushing a little bit. I took another sip of the subtle-flavored evening tea she'd ordered for us. "That was incredibly beautiful..."
I heard her murmur something under her breath that even I couldn't catch. I wanted to ask her what she'd said, but I had a feeling it would be best to not ask. I simply took another sip of tea and listened in on the remaining poetry.
The clock struck eight soon enough, which apparently signaled the end of the poetry for the night. The poets around us stood up and offered each other farewells and other pleasantries before heading off in their own directions. But we sat there for a few more minutes, finishing our tea in silence. It felt a bit strange to sit with her after hearing her poem that she wrote about me. It was like a butterfly had somehow gotten trapped in my ribcage and was flitting about trying to escape. I felt my cheeks warm up a little, a weak smile tugging at my lips. I'd never experienced such feelings, and I was curious as to what they meant.
We both finished our tea at the same time, placing our cups back on the tray they came on within a second of each other. We stood up and departed together.
As we walked together in the cool night air, I felt that warm fluttery feeling in my chest again. I walked a little closer, maybe an inch, to her than I did that morning. I found myself smiling just from the feel of her gentle hoofsteps through the ground. Things I hadn't paid much attention to when I first met her suddenly sprang to my mind. The sound of her voice, almost whispery, and how it made me feel warm and... happy. I almost forgot about my blindness when I listened to her voice.
We stopped in front of the library, our comfortable silence just waiting to be broken. I did the honors, "Thank you for a wonderful evening, Fluttershy."
"Oh, um, it was nothing," she whispered back. I felt her hoof paw at the ground nervously.
"I'll see you tomorrow?" I asked hopefully.
"Oh yes. I'd like that."
The silence returned like a boomerang, curling up between us like a cat for a very long nap. I scuffed at the ground anxiously myself, feeling my heartbeat quicken as though preparing to run from an unseen danger. She hugged me again, just as quick as before, but just a little tighter. In that second I relished the softness of her fur. Afterwards, she murmured a soft 'Good night.' and trotted off to her own home. It was only when I stepped back into the library for the night that I realized I didn't want her to let go.
"So how was your date?" the familiar voice of Spike jested.
"It wasn't a date," I retorted quickly. I felt a slight chill in my chest. "It was just tea with a friend."
"Rrrrriiiiiiigggghht... Sure thing, Twilight," his voice dripped with sarcasm. I rolled my eyes at him and trotted through the common, carefully weaving through the solid objects I knew were there. I climbed the stairs, counting each of the twenty two steps to my room in the loft. In eight more steps, I reached my bed and plopped back down on it.
My thoughts swarmed in my head like angry wasps. Every single neuron focused on thoughts of Fluttershy and the strong feelings she seemed to be evoking within me. I thought about her whispery soft voice and how I caught myself smiling whenever I heard it. I meditated on the two hugs she had given me, and how on the last one I didn't want her to let go. I felt something stronger than friendship at work.
--
I was back in the teashop, listening to her poem again, blushing profusely this time. I sensed we were alone. No one was around, not even the barista.
"That was incredibly beautiful," I heard myself say.
"That's because I wrote it about you," she replied boldly, touching my cheek with something unbelievably soft.
-
All was silent as I trotted along aimlessly. There was no sound of my hooves on the ground, so I figured I was in some sort of blank dreamscape. I turned at random, not caring where I was or where I was going. But then I heard her voice, faintly quiet as though far away. I took a moment to pinpoint its source, and immediately changed course. It teased me with its alluring softness, changing its location every time I thought I was close. I must have walked miles by the time I actually reached it.
"Write it out, Twilight," she breathed in my ear.
-
I was back in my chambers at Canterlot Palace, wearing my hard-prescription glasses but everything was still blurry and I was still colorblind. I had a rather large print book in front of me which was half in standard text, and half in Bridle. The more I tried to read the standard text, the more confused and frustrated I became. I ran my hoof along the not-quite-familiar dots that Bridle was, trying my best to remember which arrangement was which letter. But I was still failing to read the book. I screamed loudly into a nearby pillow, tears welling up in my slowly decaying eyes. Reading, the one thing I couldn't live without, was slowly becoming impossible to manage. And I hated it.
There was a knock at my door, followed by the sound of it opening. I heard my mentor softly call my name, but I didn't answer. I didn't want her to come in and see me breaking down like this. But she stepped in anyway.
"My dearest Twilight," she began solemnly, "what is the matter?"
"I can't read," I choked out, a few tears dropping from my cheeks. "My glasses aren't strong enough, and I still can't get the hang of Bridle..."
She did not respond immediately. No, she carefully digested my words and pain, trying to craft her response to be perfect. But there were no words to come. She did not say anything to comfort me because she knew that words could not help me, nor make me feel better about anything. Instead, she enveloped me in a tight, comforting, motherly hug, squeezing the tears from me. I openly wept in her arms, letting my pain and frustration leak out.
She softly spoke, "I once met a blind stallion. Glasses could not help him, nor the strongest of my magics. But he was wise beyond my years. He was able to immediately know how I was feeling at that time. He could see my very emotions. He came to my court to say one thing. Do you know what he said?"
"What did he say?"
"He said, 'I know not the gravity of the pain you must feel every morning.' At first I was confused, but then he turned to leave, so I asked him, 'How did you know?' What he told me next was one of the greatest wisdoms I've heard in millenniums."
"What did he say next?"
"He said, 'Sometimes, it takes blindness to help you see.' One day, Twilight, I believe you may see beyond what even I can."
--
I woke with a start, drawing a sharp intake of ice-cold air. My mane was drenched in a cold sweat, and the blankets I had been under were now in a damp, crumpled heap at the foot of the bed. I flicked my ears in every direction, hearing nothing but my heavy breathing and the painful pounding of my heart. There was nothing out of the ordinary from what I could tell, other than my bizarre dream. I immediately focused on a book that I had hidden under my bed, levitating it carefully to me. As soon as the worn-leather cover hit my lap, I levitated the quill from the desk I had found while everyone was out at the celebration, but didn't bother with the ink. I didn't write like normal ponies anymore.
I poked the paper with my quill, making a permanent indent in it that I'd forever be able feel. To those who watched me write, they'd think I was just stabbing the paper in frustration, but to those who actually knew Bridle, they'd know the instant they heard me take my quill to the page. I wrote in my language of touch, a single dot here, a pack of three in a vertical line there. It all made sense to me after twelve-going-on-thirteen years of using it. That was real now. Light was but a concept, but this... Touch, taste, smell, sound... Those were real.
When I finally finished, I shut the book without rereading my work. I already knew what I wrote, but kept wondering why I wrote it. The answer was as plain as day after my dream.
I want to be more than friends.
A Glimpse Through Blind Eyes/Poetry Night Confessions
I awoke at dawn, as I always did, the ray of sunshine poking my face with just enough warmth to rouse me. I opened my eyes to the same lack of sight I'd gotten used to. It was the same every morning. The same wretched condition for which there was no cure. The same handicap that defined my limits. The same eternal nightmare that enclosed me within its jaws, incarcerating me in the space I called Hell. It didn't upset me nearly as much as it used to, but it still disheartened me. I felt my light smile fall away, a more somber expression taking its place.
I stood up, stretching out my legs before taking my thirty steps down to the common, and another twenty into the kitchen, where I was met with silence and the scent of freshly baked breakfast. A slight hint of cinnamon tickled my nose, drawing water from the wells in my mouth. I couldn't help but verbalize my approval of the scent. But then another smell hit my nose, no, two scents. One was mildly unpleasant, like fresh exercise-induced sweat, while the other bore the sweetness of various tea blends. I greeted the ponies that I'd grown to associate the scents with, "Good morning, Fluttershy. Good morning, Rainbow Dash."
"Morning!" Rainbow chirped. Fluttershy offered a much softer greeting. Rainbow continued, "Thought I'd make it up to you for the whole first day incident... I swear I'll show you the best time around Ponyville you could have!"
Her enthusiasm felt more vivid than the dreams I'd had just yesterday. But I remembered making plans to spend the day with Fluttershy again. "My idea of a good time is a rainy day by a fire with a book," I retorted, turning to face the more athletic pegasus. I trotted over to the table, sitting in my usual spot on the northern side. The warm smell of cinnamon filled my nose, drenching my mouth in preparation for an incredibly tasty breakfast.
"Um... Forgive me for asking, but... How do you read?" Rainbow asked hesitantly. I could tell she was still nervous asking questions about my blindness. I inwardly winced, reassessing just how much damage I could have done with my previous explosion.
Gingerly, I answered, "Bridle. I'll explain in a moment." As if on cue, my stomach made its presence known to the world with a seismic rumble that even the untrained hoof could feel through the ground.
Breakfast was eaten in silence, the only sounds being the faint clink of silver-plated copper forks on ceramic plates, and the closely following sounds of chewing. Rainbow's hoof shook but didn't tap, and Fluttershy's wings twitched and readjusted.
Afterwards, we walked out into the common and sat down on the small couch. "Spike! Bring down a dual-print and a Bridle copy of Daring Do!" I hollered towards the stairs. I heard his footsteps above me begin moving.
When he finally came down, I thanked him for his help and sent him back to whatever it was he was doing before. I flipped the books open to the first page, where the story began. On the right, Bridle only. On the left, their letters were printed over the embossed dots that I read with. I ran my hoof over the familiar palpable dots, smiling lightly.
Rainbow piped up, "Why's the one on the right blank?"
"Touch the pages. Run your hoof along them like your eyes scroll across words," I said, doing so on the copy that they could read.
I heard the light sound of both of them running their hooves over the pages. I listened closely to each tick of their hooves running over the dots I knew as letters. "Those dots are my letters. You're reading Bridle."
"Huh? What's that?" Rainbow asked, probably without thinking.
"Bridle is a written language for the blind that uses palpable dots impressed in the page rather than ink letters printed onto the page. Take a grid three tall by two wide, and that's the setup for the alphabet. The letter at the very bottom left corner of the page you're on is a 'D', which in Bridle is top row and middle-right," I ranted in response. I could feel the curiosity begin to permeate the room. The page turned, but I knew they couldn't read it.
"This is insane," Rainbow whispered to herself. "A blind bookworm."
Silence filled the room, becoming the solvent in a solution of two parts quiet and one part awe. I drank it in, enjoying the deafening silence. Every second of it was like a warm and comfortable nap in the Royal Gardens. All I felt was their presence. All I heard was the light ticks of their reading. To me, that was bliss. That was my comfort to my blindness.
"Um... Twilight...?" Fluttershy whispered softly after a while.
"Yes, Fluttershy?" I asked.
"Could you... um... Teach me Bridle?"
I pulled back a little bit in surprise. Never had I met anyone my age who knew or wanted to learn Bridle, much less learn from me. But here I was, sitting in a room with the sweetest mare I'd ever met, being asked if I'd teach her. My heart raced with my mind as I tried to find a response to her request.
But just as I was about to answer, Rainbow piped up as well, "Count me in too."
I felt my eyes widen as I stared at them. Disbelief quickly flooded my mind, followed by doubt in my ability to teach, immediately proceeded by anxiety and fear of my own track record of impatience. Internally, audio of situations of me losing my temper played like broken vinyl records. Hundreds of mental gramophones blasted my voice roaring in, and I say this with absolute hatred for the expression, blind rage, followed by Fluttershy crying.
"I don't know... I'm not the most patient po–"
"Pleeeeaase?" Fluttershy begged softly, no doubt putting on some endearing expression to guilt me into it.
I hesitated, "Fine. I'll teach you."
"Yay!" my gentle pegasus friend squealed. She bounced off the couch, fluttering softly in the air. I could feel the smile suffocating me with its girth. Even Rainbow was out-shined by Fluttershy's joy. But something felt a bit strange about Rainbow's excitement. Perhaps it was that I felt her hooves twiddling in her lap, or maybe it was that her head swiveled to track Fluttershy. I thought I heard their hooves brush once or twice when they read.
I'm reading into this too much, I told myself.
--
An hour passed, and Fluttershy had to leave to go take care of her animals, which I had yet to meet. Meanwhile, Rainbow decided to stay and read, which honestly confused me. But as soon as I gave her the dual-print copy of Daring Do, she took to it like flight. I listened to her entranced, steady breath and her hooves over each dot of Bridle.
"When you read... Um... How do you see what the words show?" she asked from seemingly nowhere.
It caught me off guard, but I recovered quickly, "If it has something to do with color, I ignore it, and find other details I know something by. Like if a book describes the dawn, I ignore the 'rosy fingers' part and recognize the warmth of the morning sun."
"Makes sense. But what about things that can't be observed any other way? Like if you came across a description of a rainbow?"
"Then I completely ignore it."
An awkward silence enveloped the room. I could feel the tension in the room pressing firmly against me like a taut blanket. She twiddled her hooves in her lap, seemingly unsure of what to say.
"Twi'..." she murmured, quieter than Fluttershy. "You any good at just... listening?"
I turned to glare at her. I made a sarcastically huge smile and waved my hoof before my sightless eyes as an answer.
"R-right... What I mean is... I kinda need to get something off my chest, but everyone else will try to give advice or something... Rarity loves to gossip too much, Pinkie is... Pinkie, and AJ's point of view would not be helpful."
I waited in silence, making a quick motion for her to continue.
"I've known Flutters for years... Hell, we sat next to each other for our entire flight-school. She's my best friend. But..." she continued, pausing with a sigh. "I'm not sure if her being my best friend is enough for me... I think I've fallen in love with her..."
I stayed silent as she asked, containing the surprise I felt.
"And the worst part is, I have no idea what to do with these feelings."
To be honest, I was actually quite touched that Rainbow would confide such a personal secret in me. It made me feel warm, and though I did feel a slight twinge of guilt, I knew that I was not at fault. We both loved the same mare. That didn't make us enemies, but it did make our friendship slightly more awkward.
"Look... I know that me telling you this isn't fair at all. I've seen how you two are around each other, and it's so cute that it makes me gag. I'm not saying I'm going to like my decision, but I feel like it's the better one. If you like her, she's yours," she sighed. With venom, she added, "But I swear on my dream of becoming a Wonderbolt that if you hurt her, I will not hesitate to hurt you. Don't make me regret letting you take the first shot."
--
Thursday rolled around without further incident, everything having returned to normal after my talk with Dash. The sunlight was still warm, the sky still blue according to everypony else, and the grass was still soft. Ponies kept going about their lives as time marched on. I had adjusted and learned the streets of Ponyville much sooner than I had thought myself capable of, needing only a few distinct landmarks to navigate by. The noisy market just west of the center of town, The Teapot two hundred meters east of Sugarcube Corner, Sugar Cube Corner three-hundred meters north-by-northwest of my home, Carousel Boutique five-hundred meters south of my home, and Ponyville Park one-hundred meters east of Carousel Boutique.
But there were other thoughts in my mind as I prepared myself for the evening at The Teapot. Second thoughts and doubts riddled my mind like a minefield with strong gusts of icy fear and self-depreciation blowing me every-which-way in my own head. Rainbow's venomous words still echoed in my head, even though she had backed down for me just the moment before.
A soft knock on the door interrupted my mental tangent lines. I felt the light shockwaves in my hooves from my room, where I was pacing back and forth like the nervous wreck I was. I could have sworn I leapt out of surprise, having lost track of the tick-tocks of my wall clock. It surprised me that it was already time to head over to the teashop. As soon as I shook myself from my surprise and nerves, I turned and walked downstairs to meet Fluttershy. The gentle wooden clopping of my hooves on the wooden floor of the library calmed me some, keeping me semi-attatched to reality, where my fears weren't.
"Ready?" she asked warmly, no doubt smiling brightly.
I concentrated on the poems I had for the occasion, smiling as I remembered both. "Yeah," I replied, "I'm ready."
As soon as the familiar warmth of her proximity hit me, we departed, taking to the streets with friendly chatter. On the way she told me about how Angel had been taking an interest in a girl-bunny that had been hanging around her cottage, and that she didn't have any poems to share this week around. I smiled, reassuring her that it was fine. Moments of relative silence gave me ample opportunities to just enjoy her presence, which I could feel less than an inch from me. As we crunched on against the dirt roads of Ponyville, I felt my heart racing in anticipation. I could feel every hoofstep of hers, which were strangely lighter than usual.
We arrived in good time, stepping into the familiar atmosphere of The Teapot, where several poets had already taken seats and ordered drinks. Some softly whispered their poems to themselves to calm their nerves, while others sipped at their drinks. I felt the angelic pegasus mare beside me nod to the barista for tea. We sat down at a table on the left side of the room facing the stage. As the calm before the storm, all I had left to do was wait.
But that was the hardest part. Beneath my coat I was covered in goosebumps. The lavender tea that the pegasus mare had ordered did nothing to calm me, but I sipped away at it as though maybe that sip would finally calm me some. My hooves twitched and my legs shook with last-second doubts. Basic hormonal responses to my distress built up like mountains, though there was no resolution to it, like a song that ended on a minor chord that left its audience silently humming the resolving chord that wasn't there.
Each passing moment was like another pin stabbed into my flesh, tiny enough to not draw blood, but just enough to hurt like hell. Each breath of air came in frigid cold, frosting over my lungs, and left blazing hot, near scalding my throat. I hardly noticed how warm my face felt. It was only when I started to taste the iron in my blood that I noticed. Though I wasn't bleeding, I could taste every drop of blood in my face. From what I'd read in books, I'd have been red as a tomato.
By the time I was called, I was a nervous wreck beneath my calm demeanor. I stood up, my legs feeling like melting lead beneath me, being both heavy and unstable. I walked almost shakily onstage.
"I wrote this a few nights ago, after reliving a none-too-proud moment of my life. With that, I present Blind."
I took a deep breath of cool air.
"I am blind Unable to see But that hasn't stopped The world from showing me There is beauty in sound Such breathtaking wind I may not see at all But I know when you grin I can smell the world All the greens and blues And I can feel All of you I live in the dark A shadow over me and yet I know the world Without having to see."
After the applause died down, I continued, "However, this is the one I truly wish to share. The pony it's about and for is here in among you, and she knows who she is. So here's Touch."
"Feel my heart in your hooves. Feel it beat in steady rhythm. Learn its secrets by touch. As such, you'll learn more than you can with your eyes. Your sight lies to you, and make things appear to be that aren't. So come near and feel my heart. Touch it again, as you have before, but this time open the door you left closed. Explore the possibilities. Learn my heart by touch."
The crowd of unseen ponies broke into thunderous applause, creating enough movement in the ground for me to 'see' everypony's exact location. I could feel a couple in the corner, the mare wiping a tear from her eye. But it wasn't what I could feel that almost made me break down. It was what I didn't.
Fluttershy. I couldn't feel her presence anywhere in the room, no matter how hard I tried. The lack of the pony I had written my heart onto the page for was devastating. My heart sank like an iron brick, a depressing chill rushing up my spine. But then warmth followed. Familiar warmth from all directions enveloped me in a feathery soft embrace. My smile returned, realizing that she'd flown up to the stage, and was now hugging me very warmly. I wrapped my hooves around her, holding her as closely as I could, desiring only to never let go. And just when I thought I couldn't have been happier, I felt her unbelievably soft lips press against my cheek.
"So I guess this makes us a couple..." she murmured warmly, walking close enough to touch as we headed back to the library from The Teapot. Though her voice suggested she was thinking deeply, I could feel her smile's warmth. Her soft wings brushed against my side often due to our proximity, which I thoroughly enjoyed.
"I guess it does..." I returned with my own warm smile. "I'm going to have a tough time wrapping my head around this."
"Oh? And why is that?" she asked as we turned the corner.
"Because the pony who showed the most kindness and compassion to me... is now my first marefriend," I answered, praising her. "I feel undeservingly blessed."
Her wing reached up from her side, remaining in constant contact with my side, gently moving up and over my back. The softness and warmth of her wing on my back made me feel... safe, like I was wearing armor that no arrow could pierce, nor any sword hack through. She pulled me close as we walked, bringing a pleased smile to my lips. I couldn't help but feel happy at her touch.
We reached the library all too soon, an abrupt stop making me realize I'd have to leave her warm embrace. But we lingered there, just standing in front of my home in the cool night's breeze. If I remembered my calendar right, it was almost a full moon. The romantic glow I'd read about was probably shining down on us from Luna's heavens, making the scene that much more beautiful for her. The occasional distant chirps of crickets and the tiny squeaks of mice in the library walls made the night feel serene and peaceful. All felt right with the world for that split moment.
"It's getting late... I should... um... get home..." she hesitated, not quite lifting her wing from my back.
"Yeah..." I replied, not quite paying attention.
"I'll... see you tomorrow?"
Eagerly, I answered, "Of course."
There was another moment of pause. Crickets chirped away, mice padded around in the walls of the library, and the breeze blew past lethargically, but we did not stir. We remained, transcending time, defying the pulls and pushes of Fate and all his friends. We remained there, in front of the library that I called home, relishing in each others' warm silence. I smiled. She smiled and pecked my cheek one last time before pulling her wing back to her own side.
"Good night, Twilight."
"Good night, Fluttershy."
I listened to her trot away, light as air, never really landing on the ground so much as tapping it just enough to comply with gravity. I smiled happily, lightly, just enough to be noticed. But though it was not nearly the grandest smile I'd ever worn, it was certainly the most genuinely happy one. When I could no longer discern her position, I headed back into the library, where the air was slightly warmer, but less alive. I could feel the mice padding around in the walls, waiting for me to go to sleep so they could come out to find food.
The feelings were fresh as baked bread, warm and sweet, melting my heart like butter into a goopy mush that made my knees weak. Thoughts of the pegasus I'd successfully asked out were kneaded by my hyperactive mind. I bumped into the table I knew was there but wasn't paying attention enough to avoid, briefly interrupting my bliss with a small jab of pain. But my mind moved back to thinking of Fluttershy, the soft, gentle, kind mare.
I climbed up the wooden stairs, counting each one as I went at a brisk pace, the percussive tocks of my hooves echoing quietly in the library I assumed was dark. When I reached the loft, I proceeded to my bed, hopping up the four-step landing. The soft, cool sheets met my fur abruptly, the two competing for space. As I pulled up the blanket with my magic, I yawned. Within seconds, I was sound asleep.
--
I awoke to a dream, where I could still see in light and dark, and differentiate shapes from each other by sight, though I could not name them. It was nighttime, and the stars were above me in full view.
There will come soft rains,
I looked around the open field of soft grass and wide open space. A few trees stuck out of the ground, towering above the flatness. Darkness hung from their branches, the moonlight not reaching beneath the trees' boughs. From the dark, I could see eyes glimmering. Something was watching me.
From the heavens above.
The eyes closed, and the feeling of anticipation left. All was calm, though the darkness was beginning to creep outward from the trees. Up above, clouds expanded, blocking moonlight before it could reach the ground.
And when the rain stops,
Lightning struck the tree closest to me, setting it ablaze with light and heat. The sonic boom slapped against me roughly, assaulting my sensitive ears with a sudden shockwave.
So, too, will the pains.
Unimaginable pain exploded from my eyes, the likes of which I hadn't felt in over a decade. I fell to my knees, clenching my eyes shut. My forehooves reached up to cover my eyes from what felt like hot coals being jammed into my skull. I screamed in agony, my voice hoarse and dry. I immediately regretted screaming, as a boiling hot liquid dripped from my eyes into my open mouth. It tasted of iron and copper, disgustingly so. Rain, boiling hot against my coat and skin, washed over me in searing torrents. I dared reach out to taste it. The same metallic flavor as the liquid from my eyes greeted my mouth harshly. I willed myself to awaken from this terrible nightmare. I tried every known tactic any lucid dreamer would know, but none worked. All I could do was lie on the grass, clutching my eyes as the blood-rain drenched me in pain. Silently, I whimpered prayers to Luna to help me, but somewhere deep down I knew she could not help me. All I could do was wait.
--
"Dammit, Twilight! Wake up!" the worriedly raspy voice of Spike sliced through my ears. I could still feel the pain in my eyes, dully throbbing with waves of fire-like heat. I relaxed my clenched eyes, another quick stab of pain shooting through me, but I managed it. A few seconds later, I tried to open my eyes to let Spike know I was finally awake again.
Tried.
The instant my eyes opened even halfway, what felt like freshly forged railroad spikes were driven straight into my eyes. I bit my lip to muffle my scream, hard enough to draw blood. Spike kept talking, trying to help in any way he could, but I couldn't discern anything over the torment. I must have been down for twenty minutes, but it felt like a month. The pain seemed like it would never end, but it began to dull. A familiar warmth wrapped around me, blanketing me from the agony. The soft wing of Princess Celestia had deemed it worthy to grace me, as did her magic. Slowly, I felt the pain die away, leaving me shivering like a rain-soaked kitten.
"My faithful student... Whatever ails you?" her soft voice greeted me. I could feel the concern in her breath, making her breath just slightly colder than it usually was.
"I had a nightmare last night. All there was was pain..." I told her, feeling tears in my eyes which I kept shut.
"A night-terror... Was anything said in the dream?" my mentor asked, her wing gently stroking my back. She knew I would always calm when she did that. Even when I still had my sight, that touch was always a soothing feeling that I could never get from my parents.
"T-There will come soft rains... from the heavens above..."
"And when the rains stop, so, too, will the pains," the alicorn finished. "I remember that one... It seems your blindness is not what we first assumed."
If at any point I had been relaxed, I was no longer so. I had been told when I was still losing my sight that it was the direct result of my over-charge during the entrance exam to Celestia's Academy for Gifted Unicorns. The doctors called it magic-induced restrictive nervosa. They told me that my own magic was too strong to be withheld by my body, and was now restricting my optic nerves, making me unable to see. It was painful, and scary, and very stressful for the young filly I was. I remembered breaking down into a sobbing heap on multiple occasions, often running off crying before slamming into a wall or a door, or even a guard.
"So it... it isn't restrictive nervosa...? Were the doctors wrong?" There was hope in my voice. A faint subtlety of hope that hinted at warmth in my voice. It flickered like a fire's heat. It quivered like a book page in the wind, or a leaf in a tree.
"Oh, it is restrictive nervosa," she answered. "But this kind is more specific than just magic-induced. The reason we couldn't do anything about it is because we never knew what kind of magic was interfering with your eyes. But now... I'm sorry I must depart so soon. The doctors in Canterlot must be notified at once. We may be able to give you your sight back."
I was soon alone, the comfort of my mentor gone with no trace but the warmth I still felt on my back. Spike stood next to me, though I could tell he was just as incredulous at the possibility of me regaining my sight as I was. It was quite the news. Over a decade of thinking that I would be blind for the rest of my life, and now I had hope. Hope I hadn't known since before the entrance exam. Spike hugged me tightly, happy tears staining my coat.
But that left me to wonder. How would I learn to read again? How would I learn the rainbow, or even the alphabet? What would all of my friends look like? Would I find Fluttershy attractive? Would I find somepony else more attractive than Fluttershy? Questions like those began swarming my mind, each one demanding my attention over the last. For some reason, I felt as though I didn't want my sight back. My blindness made me who I was. It defined me. Who was I without it?
The next few weeks were relatively normal. The days seemed to slip by, with the six of us hanging out in various capacities when our schedules allowed it. The others invited me to join them every Saturday for their pet play-dates, even though I didn't have a pet. Fluttershy and I went out for poetry night at the Teapot every week. She took me out on a few other random dates and outings every so often, like walks in the Whitetail Woods, or picnics in the meadow next to the Everfree Forest. Every date was something unique and fun in its own way. Sometimes we would talk about our lives before we met, and other times we were quiet, speaking in a language of gentle nudges and touches.
The more time we spent together, the more I got to know her, and the more fondly I thought of her. I felt something stronger than close friendship or even romantic interest growing for her, but I couldn't put a hoof on it. It could very well have been love, but the stories that I read on romance always had some sort of visual component that I really couldn't connect with. They talked about "the way her eyes seemed to light up when she caught me staring" and "the shine of the sweat on his body as he worked" and other such things I really couldn't understand. With Fluttershy being my first marefriend, I had no prior experience to refer to, making romance novels the only sources of information I had to work with. Each and every romance I'd read gave me the belief that love had multiple requirements, including physical attractiveness. And since I could never judge on that, I wasn’t sure I could ever truly love somepony.
I'd noticed Fluttershy getting a significant bit clumsier during our dates, bumping into things she very easily could have seen. During a walk in the Whitetail Woods, she bumped face-first into a tree, which I had detected earlier and avoided. She tripped on a root later that same day, and at a picnic later that week, she almost twisted her fetlock in a rabbit hole that she normally pointed out as the one Angel visited regularly. It was very odd, but I never bothered to ask how she didn't see those things. I dared not come off as rude to my marefriend. But it still made me curious. So far as I knew, Fluttershy had perfect vision. She didn't wear glasses that I felt when we kissed, so if her sight wasn't perfect, it wasn't bad enough to warrant a sight-aid. What, then, could be making her so clumsy?
"Hey, Twilight!" a certain raspy-voiced pegasus interrupted me from my thoughts. "You alright there?"
"Yeah, just thinking," I answered, setting my speculations aside for later examination. "You guys ready for the next lesson?"
"Mhm!" Fluttershy's excited hum greeted my ears.
"Yeah," Rainbow replied, her hooves tapping against the table.
"Alright. So you guys know the alphabet, but I haven't taught you numbers yet," I began. I pulled the mobile chalkboard over from its place against the wall with my magic, stopping it exactly the length of my leg away. Reaching out with my magic, I plucked the chalk from its place in the tray and drew a vertical line with two cross-hatches, making a two-by-three grid. I repeated the process until I had two rows of eight of the grids next to each other. Now set up for the lesson, I made dots in the first grid, filling the left column and bottom row, which was a backwards V for anyone who knew Bridle. "That is the number sign. When that is placed in front of letters A through J, they become numbers one through zero respectively."
Rainbow knocked her hoof against the table twice, which we had earlier agreed should be the signal that either her or Fluttershy had a question. She asked, "Do you need to repeat the number sign before each letter you want to be a number? Or does it follow through until you have a space or a letter that doesn't turn into a number?"
"It does carry through, so as to save space for big numbers like three hundred ninety seven thousand. In that case, we'd only need seven characters, instead of fifteen," I explained, marking the next few grids with C, I, G, and three J's respectively. "Like so."
The scratching sound of Rainbow's quill scribbling down what I had mentioned on a piece of paper floated past my ears as she took notes to refer back to if she forgot. She was actually a good student when she was interested in something and she had a more personalized learning environment. From what she'd told me, Flight Academy never really worked for her. The teachers focused more on the theory of flight and how it was supposed to work rather than actually learning to fly. She was stuck in an uncomfortable classroom for too much time per session, and while she could recite the theories that the books taught her, she learned more from actually trying to fly than from any book. But in the library, it was much more comfortable, and I tried to keep most lessons to a twenty-minute maximum. I tried to actually integrate practicing the act of reading and writing in Bridle into the lesson, often telling them to write a question or suggestion for the next lesson at the end of our weekly sessions. Rainbow was the one who suggested that idea after she'd learned enough of the alphabet to make it possible for her.
"So. What letters would I need in order to make the number four hundred sixty-one?" I asked. "Fluttershy?"
"Um, D, F, and A," the quiet pegasus in question answered. For her, the more personalized and friendly environment had brought her out of her shell, making her a much more active student than she had been in Flight Academy. She stuttered far less, and volunteered to answer questions more frequently, exposing the brilliant mind that lay beneath the shy exterior.
"Exactly," I confirmed with a smile. "Either of you know the time?"
"Twelve oh-eight," Rainbow replied.
"Perfect. So now it's time to work with the grammatical markings of Bridle," I said as I began erasing the dots in the seven used grids. "Punctuation. Up until now, everything you've written in Bridle has been in roughly the style of Horse Code. No periods, no commas, no question marks or exclamation points. So now it's time to add punctuation."
------
After the lesson finished twelve minutes later, Rainbow left to go home, but Fluttershy didn't budge from her spot on the sofa in front of the table. Hesitantly, she asked, "Um… Twilight…?"
"Yes, Fluttershy?" I responded, pushing the freshly erased blackboard back to its usual spot along the back wall. I turned back around and took a seat on the couch next to her, facing her to convey that I was giving her my full attention. My hoof made its way over hers, her nervously quick pulse suddenly apparent.
"I'd like to ask something of you that, um, may seem a bit strange, or even flat out crazy…" she continued, her voice quivering just a little bit, like a leaf in a gentle summer breeze. She took my hoof in her own as though for comfort. "A-and… I don't want an answer today. I want you to really think about it."
"I promise I won't judge you for anything," I reassured my lovely marefriend, quickly pecking her cheek. "And I promise I'll give your request serious consideration, no matter what it is."
"I want to know… really know, what being blind is like," she murmured, straightening her posture. Her body turned to face me in its entirety. "I know it sounds crazy, but I want to ask you if there's a way that you could make me blind for a while. Maybe a month at most."
When the initial shock of the request wore off, I asked the one question I needed to fully consider it: "Why?"
"I don't fully understand myself, but I want to, forgive me for using this expression, see the world the way you do," she replied, her mane shifting a little as she turned to hide behind it. "I want to get to know you as best as I possibly can, and I feel like this could help me do just that in a really personal way. I don't think that you being blind is all bad. Sure, some books aren't as enjoyable anymore, but then again, you really see ponies' personalities where most others judge each other by their appearance. I wonder what else you might be able to experience that no one else can. T-that's why I kept bumping into things and tripping on things I should have seen coming… I had my eyes closed to try to experience it."
So that's why she kept bumping into things… She was trying to experience blindness… I paused and carefully considered my next words. She did seem a little crazy at first, but the more I thought about it, the more romantic I found it to be. Here I was, sitting with a sweet, caring pony who instead of settling for believing that being blind was naught but a disability or a disadvantage, wished to find out for herself what the trade-offs were. Nopony else had ever done that, and it actually touched me that she could be so sweet. "I won't give you your answer today, as you wish, but I will tell you two things. The first, is that I would wish blindness on nopony. Not the bullies who mocked me, not the worst criminals in the Canterlot Dungeons. I have experienced an amount of pain that I hope nopony ever has to suffer because of my blindness."
I could feel her head droop low with my words.
"However, I find it touching on a profound level that you would voluntarily give up your sight in order to experience the world the way I do. Where most ponies settle for assuming that blindness is only negative, and that there can't be any benefits to being blind, you do not. You want to find the positives to it. And that gives me enough reason to give it serious consideration to actually do so."
She perked up immediately, throwing herself at me and tackling me in a tight, joyous hug. I could feel the air being squeezed from my chest as she squealed excitedly, "Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! Thank you so much!"
"Y-you're wel…come…" I choked out, trying desperately to bring some air into my lungs.
"Oh! I'm so sorry!" she apologized, quickly loosening her hold on me. As soon as I'd caught my breath, she planted a gentle kiss on my lips, just long enough to be felt as more than a peck. "I have to go feed the animals now… I'll see you tomorrow for Poetry Night?"
"O-of course!" I stammered, still stunned from the kiss.
She made an adorable squee, and then clambered off of me, calmly walking to the door. "Bye Twilight! I'll see you tomorrow!"
I didn't even hear the door close, as I was already deep within my thoughts, throwing around the idea of fulfilling Fluttershy's strange request. It was definitely something I didn't expect to ever be asked. But she had the best of intentions for it, and if anyone could pull off a temporary blindness spell that wouldn't have lasting negative effects, it was me or the Princesses. Which brought me to another point. Temporary blindness spells, like most other disabling spells, were classified as curses, and considered illegal to perform on another pony unless in self-defense. If I were to perform such a spell, I could be punished by law. Unless…
"Spike!" I hollered.
Tiny footsteps padded through the wood, making their way down stairs as my scaly assistant and friend answered my summons. "What's up?" he asked as he stepped off the last stair. He sounded tired, as though he'd just finished a nap. I could almost feel him rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
"Spike, I'm going to need you to send a letter in just a bit," I said. "Can you grab some paper and a quill?"
"On it!" the small dragon replied with what I interpreted to be a salute. He dashed off to some corner of the library, pulling open a drawer and plucking a quill and a number of sheets of paper. He ran back, setting the supplies on the table before me. "Anything else?"
"Thank you, and yes, actually. I need the self-defense spell book. The one that smells like coffee," I requested.
"Gotcha," he huffed, heading off to find the book.
I stood in what felt like a stone hallway of some kind, the floor cold and hard against my hooves. My eyes gave me some degree of sight, but it was almost too blurry to be useful at all, and all I could really detect was light and motion. I could not distinguish color, nor shape, nor distance. I may as well have remained completely blind for all my eyes could do now. I saw some sort of light coming from directly in front of me, and it flickered like the warmth of a fire. With no other idea what to do or where to go, I decided to move towards the light.
As I was accustomed, I paid incredibly little mind to my "sight" in favor of the senses I had honed over the past several years. The loud, resounding, percussive sound of my hooves on stone set the rhythm of my more legato breathing. The smell of a freshly polished floor permeated the hallway that echoed with my hoofsteps. I could detect what I assumed to be windows allowing a soft light into the room.
When I arrived at the source of the light, I stared at it, wondering what it could have been. Its light wavered like a leaf in the breeze, but gave off no warmth. I could smell nothing other than the lemony scent of the floor polish, and the only sounds in the room were my breathing and the last echoes of my hoofsteps as I finished approaching the light. However, as soon as I stopped walking, an immense pressure made itself present on my horn. What felt like a vice gripped at my horn, sending pain shooting through my head, drawing tears that worsened my already terrible sight. Magic began to leak from my horn, and I could have sworn I heard a faint crack from just in front of my ears. I screamed for help as the pain in my horn became known in my eyes, the tears burning like acid.
There was a swift shift in light that flew across my field of view. "Help! If anyone is there! Help!" I called out to whoever or whatever my eyes had detected.
Magic spewed from my horn like steam from a release valve on a train. The pressure was almost unbearable, and I was certain that my horn would crack, or even break should it build any more. My knees buckled from beneath me, refusing to hold me up with my magic going haywire as it was. I shrieked in agony, raising my hooves to my head trying to wipe away the boiling tears. The floor beneath me began to rumble, though I couldn't have cared less about that at the time. But when I lifted my head to listen, I heard the sound of marble columns crumbling and the roof cracking above me. I opened my eyes, knowing that even though they were severely impaired and painful to open, they would help me see where I needed to step should the ceiling collapse. The rumbling intensified, several columns collapsing, but the roof refused to give way so far as I could see. I could hear a few shards of stone hit the floor somewhere in the giant room, but not near enough to me to concern me. But no sooner than when I sighed in relief, did the roof begin to move. I lifted my head to see if it was falling, but the columns that hadn't already been destroyed remained unbroken. It's moving up‽
The roof, which I saw only as a blurry blob in my vision, seemed to move further from me before it shifted to my left. It slowly floated away from the walls and columns that supported it, slamming to the ground as soon as it was clear of them. The resulting seismic wave was enough to knock my chin against the floor.
There will come soft rains,
I felt myself tense up, remembering the last time I heard those words. I was already in significant pain from my horn and my still stinging eyes, and I felt like any more would drive me to insanity.
From the heavens above.
I could feel the air around me grow colder as moisture gathered above the open-roofed room I was laying in. The moonlight was soon obscured and then blocked entirely by the formation of clouds that I knew would rain Tartarus upon me.
And when the rain stops,
Rain began to fall from the clouds, having condensed enough to descend in tiny droplets to the ground. But unlike the blood-rain from the last dream, these drops of liquid were different. They were still searing hot like before, but they did not smell of copper and iron. I dared reach out and taste the rain. The salty flavor not unlike tears of grief greeted my tongue.
so, too, will the pains.
Hurricane-force gales whipped through the stone room, the rain of tears soaking every last inch of me. The way the gusts weaved through the halls made the illusion of someone crying. The solid stone pillars seemed to crack with the voice of the winds, eventually collapsing like somepony completely overridden with despair and anguish. Chunks of stone the size of hooves began to bash against me, the first of which started at my jaw. The next four hit my ribs, and I could feel them snap and tear at the flesh they were suspended in. One more hit me square in the nose.
--
My eyes shot open, and I immediately wished that that particular instinct of waking up had died with my vision, as pain shot through my eyes to force them closed again. A partially muffled scream escaped my throat, a loud burst escaping before I was able to bring my pillow to my face and bite down on it. Everything felt freezing cold to the touch, especially the air. As a cold wind floated by, making every hair on my body feel as though it were standing on end.
"Nightmare again, Twilight?" Spike's voice whispered in the night, his footsteps approaching my bed.
I nodded my affirmation to the small drake. A few seconds afterwards, I heard the distinct sound of him sending a letter. Were I not still in pain, I'd have told him that I didn't need the princess.
"Need something to kill the pain?" he asked, placing one of his scaly hands on my shoulder.
I lowered the pillow from my face, releasing the breath I didn't remember I was holding. "Yeah."
My small companion gave me a quick hug before padding off to grab a glass of water and a painkiller. Once I was alone, I tried to open my eyes again. I took it slowly, like my first kiss with Fluttershy. I prolonged the result with the process, making the journey the objective more than the destination. And by taking the words of a fictional character I'd read about once upon a time to heart, my eyes opened smoothly.
"Got some aspirin," Spike's voice whispered as his footsteps patted up the stairs. As soon as he passed the top step, I grasped the tablet of aspirin he'd brought up with him, as well as the glass of water in his other hand. The tasteless tablet left a bitter, chalky aftertaste after I swallowed it, but I could feel its relief within minutes.
"What time is it?" I asked, perking my ears towards the grandmother clock hanging on the wall, its constant ticking too monotonous to distinguish the time for myself.
"Five seventeen and thirty."
"Might as well stay up." I lazily rolled out of my warm bed, noting that the cold sweat from my nightmare would eventually start to make the blankets smell. With all of the time at my disposal until my usual wake-up time, I decided it would be prudent of me to wash the linens immediately. I gathered my magic, pulling the sheets and blankets from the mattress and rolling them up in a similar manner to scrap paper, though I treated it much more gently than that. Ball of cloth in tow, I ambled downstairs to where the laundry machines were.
After an hour and a half, there was a knock on my door. I recognized immediately who was there based solely on how gently the pony rapped on the old wood. I abandoned my laundry virtually instantly, suddenly feeling like one of Fluttershy's wonderful hugs or kisses could finally set my mood straight. When I opened the door, Fluttershy's angelic voice greeted me with a "good morning" just before her lips met mine. Even though it was just a light peck, I still felt my heart flutter a little bit.
"Sleep well?" she asked softly, wrapping her wings around me, her nose pressing against mine tenderly.
"No, but I'm okay now…" I breathed.
She pecked me again, offering a sympathetic hum. "Well, I was thinking maybe we could go for a picnic today."
"I would love that," I replied.
She pulled away, letting me return to my laundry. She followed me closely, her hoofsteps a little heavier than usual, as though she were a little nervous about something. And how closely she followed me led me to believe that she had already prepared the picnic and was now just waiting on me. I pulled my linens from the dryer, and folded them neatly with my magic, before setting them all in a basket sitting atop the machine. I turned back around and pecked Fluttershy just as she lifted her head from looking at the floor. It took her a moment and a gasp to process it before she melted into it like chocolate. Her wings lifted themselves, probably subconsciously, and spread wide. Her hooves lightened their pressure on the floor, and I could feel her pulse in her lips slow down.
"So, shall we prepare our picnic?" I asked, half breathless from kissing her.
"I've um… I've already done that. The basket's at my cottage," she answered softly. "I also had a destination in mind… We'd reach it by lunchtime if we leave soon."
I pecked her cheek and gave her a smile. "Let's go, then."
So we left the library, side by side, her wing over my back pulling me close to her. I loved that feeling of her wing holding me, and it made me want to just lay down and cuddle with her in the warm embrace of her wings. It made me want to lay down in bed with her, and kiss her until she forgot whose breath she was holding. It made me want to actually see her.
We arrived at Fluttershy's cottage relatively quickly, the animals there flocking to her as though each and every one of them were her foals. From the ponderous stomps of bears to the tiny hops of bunnies, there wasn't a creature there that didn't immediately gravitate towards her. And as we kept walking, she greeted every single critter by name, greeting Angel bunny first, and letting him hop up onto her back. When she reached the cottage entrance, she pulled the door open for me with her other wing, allowing me to enter first. I tentatively entered, clicking my tongue once to try and make a sound map of the room. It was a wide open room with a doorway to my right that probably led to the kitchen and a fireplace straight ahead. To the left was a staircase that spiraled up towards what I could assume was the master suite. And with a second click, I could tell that the walls, floor, and ceiling were all made of the same piece of wood, leading me to believe that her cottage, like my library, was carved into a living tree.
It took a few hours to reach the spot, by which point the sun was just reaching its zenith. Fluttershy set down the blanket and basket, starting to take out the food she'd prepared for the date. The smell of simple daisy sandwiches, fresh carrots and lettuce, juicy apples from Sweet Apple Acres, and plenty of other delicious-smelling food immediately wafted up from inside the basket. She sat down on the blanket and patted a spot next to her with her hoof.
When I sat down I clicked my tongue again to find out how much I could hear. The main echoes bounced back from a few scattered trees far off in the distance, and the most minor echoes returned only with the position of grass blades. The rest of the sound was lost in the distance. However, there were no shortages of other sounds and smells to be had. A few cicadas wailed wildly off in the distance, along with a few rare crickets. Birds dominated the soundscape with convoluted melodies and patterns they used to signal to others where food was plentiful and where to find nesting supplies. In my head I began counting the rhythms of the birdsong, conducting subconsciously with a hoof their symphony in eleven-eight time. And all the while, the smell of plentiful blooming flowers, tulips and daisies and dandelions and poppies, all mingled with the aroma of the picnic.
"So what do you think of this place?" Fluttershy asked softly, undoubtedly trying not to interrupt my conducting.
"I love it!" I replied swiftly. "It's so lovely here. What is this place?"
"We're in Monarch Meadow," Fluttershy said. "This is where I landed when I first fell from Cloudsdale."
"Wait you fell from Cloudsdale?" I asked sharply. If I remembered reading about it correctly, Cloudsdale was a mile above the surface. Falling from that height would kill a pony.
"I did. I wouldn't be here if the butterflies hadn't caught me," Fluttershy confirmed softly. "Nopony really frequents here, so I was lucky the monarch migration was passing through."
"Wow. I never knew that," I said. I knew it was cheesy and awkward but what else was there to say? I didn't know how else to respond.
We sat in silence, eating the delicious lunch Fluttershy had prepared. It all tasted the way it smelled, the sweetness of the flowers mixing wonderfully with the savory flavors of the peanut butter, all wonderfully balanced by the tangy lemonade. I couldn't help but enjoy all of it, even though eating was always more of a chore to me.
"Hey... Twilight..." Fluttershy murmured. Even with my heightened hearing, it was difficult to hear her. "I, um... I have a question..."
I turned to face her as best I could. "I'm all ears." I waved my hoof in front of my eyes and added, "No, seriously. I'm all ears."
My attempt at humor was... not poorly received, but I didn't get much more than an awkward giggle. I was hoping to lighten the mood, but something heavy was on her mind, and there was only so much in books I could read about dating or social interaction. I don't think there was anything that could be done to make that moment less tense.
"I know I've already asked, and I don't want to rush it..." She paused for a moment. "Have you, um, found the spell...?"
"I have," I said feeling myself begin to blush. "It's... different than I first thought..."
She took a deep breath and whispered, as though she were telling a secret in a crowded place, "O-oh... what... what kind of different?"
I took a moment to think before I replied, "It's a bit, um, risqué... It's a sensory-swapping spell, used to swap the senses of two ponies so one would sense things the way the other does and vice-versa."
There was a minute of silence, or rather fifty seven seconds, but close enough. The birds and the cicadas and the soft breeze all fell silent, as though to eavesdrop on our conversation like wallflowers.
"Is... oh gosh... is it legal to use...?" she pressed further.
"Yes, actually, but um..." I began to feel my cheeks heat up, and I had to turn my face away from how awkward I was feeling. "Its primary use is to swap tactile sensory input between... sexual partners..."
Sight was not necessary to know she was blushing. Her blush's heat made mine seem like a moderately cool spring day compared to her summer heat wave. She turned her head, likely hiding her face behind her mane, and after some struggling, let out a tiny squeak: "...oh..."
"...which... um, we are... not..." I finished slowly.
"R-right..." she murmured.
"N-not that I don't want to be," I blurted out with the impulse to not hurt her feelings if that was why she was asking before the awkwardness returned in full force, "I mean, um, oh gosh... I just..."
"Twilight," she said, sudden confidence in her voice, which thankfully helped shut me up. "Is it possible to use it to swap all of our senses?"
"You mean, us, swapping all five senses, not just sight?"
"That is exactly what I'm asking."
"May I ask why?"
"I want the whole package, right down to the way grass feels beneath your hooves, and the way things smell and taste. I want to really walk a mile in your hooves," she said, placing her hoof over mine. I could feel her gaze on me, determination and confidence, normally hidden away behind her mane and shy demeanor, now out on full display just for me. She wanted this, genuinely. She reached up with her other hoof and turned my face towards hers, "I want to know you better."
There was something about her in that moment that made me feel confident about using the spell, even though I knew the implications and the history behind its use. It took all of two hours to learn the spell after the initial six-hour search to find it. I'd originally planned on using the self-defense spell, but after some midnight correspondence with Princess Luna, she recommended that I use the sensory-swap instead, and I immediately agreed.
"I've learned the spell. It usually lasts about two weeks, though sometimes ambient magic can make it last longer than intended." I told her as I placed my hoof over hers. "Only for you, Fluttershy."
As I felt her face shift into the widest grin, I could only mimic it myself. Her happiness radiated like the warmth of the sun, and washed through me like a midsummer night's breeze. I wanted nothing more than to make her feel that kind of happiness as often as I could manage. I wanted nothing more than to feel that smile grow on her face. Sure, the barrage of kisses and ecstatic 'than-yous' were awesome, but that was mistaking the trees for the forest. Her happiness was my goal. That was what I wanted.
She was staring at me. I was staring back. We'd spent a week planning the entire thing, I had learned the layout of her cottage, and the route to and from it. We decided it would be best if we lived together for the duration of our little social experiment, as my expertise on being blind and living with it would be invaluable to her safety and comfort. I had, of course, informed the Princesses to ensure everything was legal, and to have somepony with more powerful magic than my own there in case it needed to be reversed early or some accident happened. I had carefully studied the spell, its effects, duration, cost, and most importantly, its Ambient-Magic Interference rating. The AMI was slightly higher than most spells, but that was easily explained by its higher difficulty rating and mana cost. And after talking it over with Fluttershy and the Princesses, Fluttershy deemed its five-percent AMI rating acceptable.
So there we were, in the middle of the library, staring each other in the eyes, or at least it felt like that was what was happening. Her breathing was deep and meditative, almost as though she were asleep. Her wings ruffled every minute or so from her nerves, and I could smell the anxiety on her. But nevertheless, she persisted, holding my hoof and daring to stay still and see this through.
"Are you scared?" I asked softly.
"A little, but also excited," she replied just as softly. "I want this."
"I'm going to start now. It's going to take a minute or two for me to channel enough energy for this to work properly," I said, talking her through the whole thing. "Feel free to stop me if you get cold hooves."
She nodded and pecked my cheek. With that I began casting the spell, charging energy into my horn. The mana cost for the spell was higher than most spells I'd tried before, and I could feel the energy draining from my body, leaving me painfully aware of my own anatomy. I could feel all of my bones as the magic in me was pulled from everywhere else in my body. I could feel my stomach quickly sapping every calorie from the breakfast I'd eaten just a few hours ago, squeezing them out like water from a sponge. I could feel the heat stop radiating off of my body, all of that thermal energy being converted into magical energy to be used in the spell.
Within a few moments my horn began to radiate mana, and an audible hum resonated throughout the room. I lowered my horn to touch her forehead, as I needed direct contact for the spell to work, and I wanted this spell to work perfectly. With my horn to her head, the magic began to flow through my horn and into her.
The spell, though not complete, began taking effect nearly immediately. The air began to feel different to me, and I felt something resting on my back that I knew was not there. She began breathing a little heavier, and I could feel her face tense up as though in pain, but she didn't cry or even make the slightest vocalization of pain. She resisted the pain of my restrictive nervosa setting in, and the heightened sounds and smells trying to give her a migraine, which would only become a vicious cycle from the increased sensitivity to tactile physical pain. She held my hoof tighter, biting her lip and taking another deep breath. Meanwhile, the sounds and feelings of what was happening to me began to dull.
And then the spell was done. I cut flow of my magic, and lifted my head slowly. A low, dull feeling of nausea asserted itself in my abdomen, which made me stop and lower my head onto my hooves.
I dared to open my eyes, and found that I could see blurs and colors as my eyes finally could relay the sensory input back to my brain. It took a few minutes for the image to sharpen, and I saw Fluttershy in front of me, holding rigidly still like a stone support column. I placed my other hoof on hers.
"Are you okay?" I whispered. I felt her grimace a little bit, raising one hoof in a gesture that meant 'One moment, please.'
As I waited for her to get used to everything, my eyesight gradually sharpened until I could see everything in crisp, sharp detail. But for all it was, it was next to worthless to me. I couldn't remember the names of colors, so I couldn't even tell Celestia what color my marefriend's coat or mane were. For all I knew her mane was pink.
But I focused my vision back to Fluttershy, taking in what she looked like, savoring it for the short time I'd be able to. I drank in the soft but bright colors of her coat and mane, admiring the velvety texture they looked to have. I took in the sight of the way her body was shaped, lying down in front of me with her hoof holding mine. I could see the way her face looked squishy and soft, but firm and taut from her youth, even with her eyes screwed shut the way they were.
She put her hoof down and her facial features relaxed, and she began to open her eyes. She took her time, not wanting to rush into it, opening her eyes a little at a time until they were fully opened and staring back through mine. I didn't have the words to describe them. I couldn't tell the Princesses what color her eyes were. I couldn't do justice to the way they gleamed even though I knew they were now sightless. I couldn't describe how or explain why I was so fascinated and entranced by them. I wanted nothing more than to gaze into her eyes for all the time I had with my borrowed sense of sight.
"How do you feel?" I asked softly.
"I... can't see..." she murmured, looking down at her hooves. Her face brightened and a smile curled onto her soft-looking lips. "I can't see...! Twilight you did it!"
She reached out and pecked where she thought my lips were, only to miss entirely and get a mouthful of my mane, at which both of us giggled and settled for a nuzzle. "Does your head hurt at all?" I asked again.
"Not anymore," she answered quietly. "It did for a little bit, but it's gone now. How about you?"
"I'm feeling just fine," I said. For a few minutes, we just stayed there, on the floor of the library, holding each other with stupid smiles on our faces. The normally sharp tick-tock of my grandfather clock
"Twilight I really want to kiss you," Fluttershy said, breaking our peaceful silence.
I didn't bother replying with words, instead simply moving my lips to hers to grant her desire. I don't know why my eyes closed as our lips connected, but they did. I don't know what color she was or her mane was, or what color our blush was, but that wasn't important. The familiar sensory inputs were more important to me. The way her impossibly soft lips seemed to melt against mine, the way she pressed closer as though we were too far apart, the way her warm breath intoxicated me as I inhaled it. That was real. That was important.
She stirred, not breaking the kiss, but lifting herself and pushing me back until I was on my back and she was lying down on top of me, her hooves on either side of my face. Though she was putting her full weight on me, it wasn't uncomfortable, even against the hard wooden floor. Her entire body felt nearly as soft as her lips against mine. Her fur was silky smooth and felt extremely well-kept, as though she went to the spa on a weekly basis. Her mane was somehow softer as I ran a hoof through it. And the soft noises of her breathing and holding back muffled gasps made me feel the tickle of butterflies in my belly.
Eventually she pulled back, our lips disconnecting with a sharp pop and a drunken giggle from her. "You're the best," she mumbled under the breath we were trying to catch. But she didn't stand back up. She stayed there, lying on top of me, her chest pressing harder and softer against mine as she breathed. Though we didn't use our tongues as I'd read was fairly common in a few romance novels, I still got a lavender aftertaste from the kiss.
After a few minutes of lying there doing nothing, she finally got up and helped me up, holding out a hoof for me. It was weird being able to see. I could see the wooden coffee table I had been afraid of bumping into, but I didn't remember how to judge the distance by sight. I could see all of the books, but I couldn't tell anypony their titles without giving them a smell. I could see her, but I couldn't tell you what colors her fur and mane were other than soft.
She placed a wing over me, and I guided her to the kitchen, where I then proceeded to make lunch for the both of us. The strange part about it was that I could feel the wing as though it were my own, and the contact from the perspective of the wing. I couldn't really explain it, but it felt like I had her wings, and could feel with them and everything, even though I didn't have wings myself.
I made a pair of simple peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. It wasn't much, but I was no culinary specialist, so I made do with what I knew. I set Fluttershy's plate down just in front of her, making sure it made enough noise for her to hear where it was, before sitting down with my own. The clock struck one, and Fluttershy jumped at the toll of the grandfather clock's bell. I felt her leg bouncing anxiously under the table, and I could see her hoof shaking a little bit as she reached out for her sandwich. She missed a few times, but she eventually got the sandwich in her hooves, and from there she was much better. She was very attuned to where she was in relation to herself, but her navigation in respect to other objects was lacking. To be fair, it took me the better part of three months to learn how to navigate Canterlot Castle without memorizing it by brute force.
The taste of the food was different, all tasting just a bit less sweet than usual. The jelly tasted somehow fresher than I remembered it being, and the peanut butter tasted oddly less earthy. The bread tasted mostly fine, except for the fact that it felt slightly more grainy than I was used to.
We ate our lunch in relative silence, occasionally interrupted by my neurotic check-up questions. I could swear if she had a bit for every time I asked her "How are you feeling?" she'd be rich enough to buy Blueblood's Canterlot Estate. But I couldn't help it. I couldn't help but feel like something bad was either happening or about to happen. I could feel something was wrong, but I couldn't see it, and my other senses couldn't pick up on it, but something in my belly knew.
"Hey Twilight?" Fluttershy asked after she'd finished her sandwich.
"Yes 'Shy?" I replied.
"Could we, um, go to my cottage for a bit?" she requested softly. "I want to visit my animal friends."
"Sure thing," I said. I stood up and moved the plates next to the sink to be washed later. And then I turned back around to find Fluttershy tentatively reaching out her hoof towards the floor in an attempt to not fall. "Here, let me help you."
I took her hoof in mine and gently helped her down from the chair. She murmured a soft 'thank you' before draping her wing over me for guidance as we walked through the main lobby of the library and out the front door.
The sunlight was far brighter than I ever remembered, nearly blinding me again instantly upon opening the front door and stepping outside. Every color present was far too bright, overloading my eyes with stimuli I didn't know how to handle. I squinted in a sad attempt at lessening how much light was entering my eyes, but it was in vain. A migraine began to set in, and my head began to feel like it was being hit with pickaxes. A faint ringing overlaid all of the normal sounds of Ponyville in the day, slowly getting louder as the migraine intensified. At that point, I decided it was a better idea to just close my eyes and navigate like I didn't have sight.
So we walked together, her wing draped over me, my eyes closed as the blind lead the blind. As we got closer, I tried again to open my eyes, and again found it to be a bad idea.
And all the while, I felt as though I was being watched.
