• Member Since 16th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen 30 minutes ago

MysteriousStranger


TwiShy, AppleDash and Rarixie lover and writer. Also a gamer. Something else you need to know is that I'm strongly against Alicorn Twilight.

Sequels1

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Fluttershy has a crush on somepony, and her best friend wants to help her with her love life. Will she make it or will she be too shy to confess? Warning: contains femslash. If you don't like it, don't read it! There will be some AppleDash in future chapters.

This fic isn't part of She Knows How to Treat a Lady and its sequels.

Original pic belongs to IraeCoal, here's her dA, make sure to check her out, you won't regret it!

Sequel its now up! A Bell's Sonata Magic of Love Part 2

Chapters (15)
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Comments ( 299 )

Seems promising. Although, there were quite a few errors that made it a little hard to read. For instance:

“Listen Fluttershy, you must do it, she needs to know. What if she falls in love for somepony else? How do you think you are going to feel?”

You put an extra quotation mark there, and I ended up looking back to make sure she was actually talking.

It was a warm day of Spring on Ponyville, and everypony was enjoying theirselves outside.

There are a couple things about this sentence. 'On' should be 'in,' since you can't really be on Ponyville, and also 'theirselves' isn't a word. Instead of that, it should be 'themselves.' I'd suggest fixing that, because some people will see the first sentence and automatically hit the back button.

“Hello Darling, I came to see are you feeling Rarity’s face showed concern.

I'm not sure about other people, but I am always overly aware of something like this. Before the quotation mark, there should be some sort of punctuation mark, such as a period or a comma. I think you made the same mistake a couple of times. Also, what she said was a little strange sounding. Perhaps you meant to put something like this: "I came to see how you are feeling," and not 'are you feeling.' Know what I mean?
Anyways, the plot seems good enough, you just need to work a little on grammar. I'll upvote and favorite to see where this goes. :twilightsmile:

It's good, but it does need some cleaning up. There's missing punctuation marks, some weird word choices, and some strange dialogue. Try to go over your chapter before submitting it, or have someone do it for you. It's got a good plot and has potential; you just need to fix the grammar issues. :unsuresweetie:

I'll keep following it, though. I'm looking forward to seeing more! :twilightsmile:

I swear Celestia should seal Pinkie in stone. She has caused more pain more destruction more chaos than discord nightmare moon Chrysalis and Sombra have put together.

1815261 Thank you for your honesty, I'll check twice next time and will correct those mistakes now! :twilightsmile:

:trixieshiftleft: I was hoping she'd get a chance to confess this time. I hope you don't have them go on another walk and have something similar happen... Then it'd be too repetitive. Anyways, looking good except for a few mistakes. Can't wait to see more! :derpytongue2:

1815773 I know my limits, :twilightsheepish:
Don't worry, and this time I corrected some mistakes before making it public but it seems that I skipped a few of them... :pinkiesad2:

1815826

Enjoyed this chapter, and definitely looking forward to more.

Though if you'd like someone to help look through for any errors, I certainly wouldn't mind.

New TwiShy story? Huzzah! But in all seriousness, I'm likin' this story so far, can't wait for more :raritywink:

1816688>>1815773
Seems like whenever their's a new TwiShy, I find you two :rainbowlaugh:

1817106

Well of course.

Twishy is my favorite ship, so I have to check out every one that comes along. :yay::heart::twilightsmile:

1816688 Thanks for offering but I already have an editor :twilightsheepish:

1817208

Oh, alright.

Well, either way, definitely awaiting more.

1817106
Heh, always get a notification when one pops up. And I go out of my way to check if someone adds a new story with them without putting them in groups. :pinkiehappy:

1817335 Thank you, don't worry, I'll post soon, at least one per day :pinkiesmile:

:pinkiegasp: Oh my, what happens next?!

Short, but sweet. I'm a little nervous on Fluttershy's behalf... And I really hope Twilight isn't harsh on her. :fluttershbad:
1817695
Sorry about that. Anything specific? :rainbowderp:

1818159
Yeah, just started on this chapter. :twilightsheepish: I tried not to change too much from the original content, but I'll pay more attention to stuff like that in the future. Sorry, and you're not being mean or anything. :derpytongue2:

dontdrinkbeer.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/there-be-a-shit-storm-a-brewin.jpg
next cmhapter
Well that escalated quicky, too quickly, you should make longer chapter more like 1500-2200 words

Aww! Adorableness!

1823590
Tis not the length of the chapter that matters my friend. Rather, it's about the contents and how they are woven into the works of art we read :moustache:

1824208 Thank you and you're right, my chapters might be short but I try to make them good :pinkiehappy:

Aww! Poor Fluttershy! Unfortunately, the truth hurts...but that's why we have time ^^

Aww poor Fluttershy :pinkiesad2:

Poor Flutters. :fluttershbad:
Good job on the chapter, as always. :pinkiesmile: I'm awaiting the next one, and I hope it only continues to get better! :twilightsmile:

1827383 Thanks, I usually don't like Drama but the idea was too good to pass XD:twilightsheepish:

I think that Trollestia :trollestia: had planned to interupt Fluttershy :fluttershysad: and Twilights :twilightblush: walk.

By Luna's moon! So much drama! I for one, love it ^^ So many things can go wrong and they are. I wonder what Twilight's gonna say to the poor pegasus

1833373

Have to agree here. Love this, and it's doing great, but of course, always room to improve.

1833373 I knew it was a comment, I was just imitating Fluttershy :twilightsheepish:
Let's see what happens next :raritystarry:

Good so far. I am still wishing she ended up taking that potion, though... :pinkiecrazy: 'Cause then, the love potion could've actually been the love poison, and Fluttershy would notice eventually, bringing about more drama, and when Twilight's out of the potion's spell she could have actually fallen in love with her in the process, and then... Some kinda plot twist? I don't really know where this all came from... :twilightblush:

As someone else has mentioned, there's always room to improve. Although for some, quick updates are an awesome plus, whatever the catch is. :raritywink: Anyway, there is a lot going on drama-wise, but that's good. You just don't want to move on to the next part too quickly. Like this person said: 1833338

Great chapter, and I'm looking forward to editing your next one! :pinkiehappy:

1833523 I'll send you the pages as soon as I have them :twilightsmile:
Yes, well, I have a plan and I needed this misunderstanding to work, soon you will find out, all of you! :ajsmug:

Dun dun dun!

My goodness, look at you pumping out a new chapter every day. I'm impressed

And my bits are on Rarity being the mysterious pony

1836397

Yeah... That's what I'm guessing too.

Rarity, bad. If it is you, that is.

Its molestia
No seriously its rarity:duck: she have this plan up

As with everyone else here, my first guess would be Rarity

1837320
Of course it won't get away from him...
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No Trixie, why?! Hope Twilight's alright...but now we get to see how Fluttershy reacts...Wunderbar

Trixie you little... Well I'am just glad they are safe now for the moment. A little bit action is never bad imo. Nice chapter again. :yay:

please tell that you wouldn't kill Twilight, that will be to cliche .

I always wondered who came up with the term "femslash".
It makes me think knives are involved! :pinkiecrazy::rainbowderp:

This is a good story and I can't wait to find out what happens next. There are some errors that have been pointed out but the concept overall is quite enjoyable. The switching of tense in the first few chapters was jarring and pulled me out of the story, and there are some grammar errors as well. Nothing an editor couldn't fix up for you though. An example would be:

“You don’t need to apology Fluttershy, I think I was talking too much."

It should read to apologize.
Also,

“Oh yeah, I remember that day when found you looking at Twilight while hiding on the bushes."

Should read hiding in.
There are quite a few of those but as I said, can easily be fixed. It just brings me out of the story as I come across it.

Please keep up the good work though, I really hope :twilightsmile: and :yay: get their happy ending!

1848673 Yeah, as soon as I finish with the story I was going to ask my editor to check my first chapters :twilightsheepish:

Thanks for another nice chapter and a merry christmas to you as well. :yay:

Huzzah! And a Happy Hearth Warming :twilightsmile:

Cute... So cute...

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