The next day…
Inside the library, a lavender unicorn was reading a book. The floor was covered with them and the place was a total mess. Spike was sitting next to her, trying not to fall asleep.
“Can I go now?” The baby dragon yawned. He'd been sitting there for hours, but Twilight asked him to stay where he was.
“Not yet Spike, it has to be somewhere… Here it is! take a look at the picture!” She passed him the book. Spike took it indifferently.
“Who is this pony? Oh, here it says…Star Swirl the Bearded?”
“Ha! See? I told you that he existed!”
“You made me wait just for this?!” He wanted to throw the book at Twilight’s head for such a stupid reason, but he stopped himself.
“Yes, now be a good dragon and put it back in its place, would you?” She was smiling, not noticing the dragon's rage. Spike suppressed a loud scream and stood up. He put the book where it belonged. “I’ll help you clean the rest of them.” She used magic, and in no time all the books were where they belonged. A few seconds later, somepony knocked on the door.
“Would you get that Spike? Thanks!” Normally he wouldn’t mind opening the door, but he was angry at Twilight at the moment.
“Sure Twilight, no problem…” He said sarcastically, opening the door to see that they were being visited by a yellow Pegasus.
“Um… Hello… I hope I’m not intruding…” She said in a quiet voice.
“Fluttershy! I’m glad to see you! How are you?” Twilight was happy to see her again. Recently, it felt like Fluttershy was avoiding her and that every time she tried to speak to her, she seemed to act more nervous than usual.
“Fine… I… I was wondering if you… If you would want to go for a walk with me… Of course if you’re not busy,” she said the last part quickly and waited for a response, blushing slightly. It'd been a while since she last tried to talk to her.
“Sure, that sounds like fun! I just finished studying and I need some fresh air!”
Fluttershy blushed harder. She quickly hid her face, hoping that her crush wouldn’t notice. “Oh good! I mean… We should go now before the sun sets…”
“Okay...” She was confused by her friend's strange behavior, “Spike, you don’t mind being alone for a while, right?”
“Not at all, Twilight. You don’t need to worry about me!” Being alone was what he needed the most now. He hoped he could calm down before Twilight came back.
“Alright, let’s go Fluttershy!”
Fluttershy’s heart always skipped a beat when Twilight said her name. “Um… Yes! See you later, Spike…!” She said before catching up to Twilight.
“I’ll be fine, Twilight. Just have fun!” As soon as he couldn’t see Twilight anymore, he shut the door and let a triumphant shout out.
The two mares walked in silence for a while. Fluttershy was nervous about being alone with her secret crush, and she also had the pressure of having to confess those feelings before the day ended. She couldn’t come up with something to say. Finally, after several minutes, Twilight broke the silence.
“So… What have you been doing lately?”
“Not much really… The forest critters needs me and… I've been more busy lately…"
Twilight barely heard her; she was speaking lower than she normally did, and that was saying something. “Fluttershy, are you sure you're okay?”
“Y-Yes… Why… Why wouldn’t I?”
“Well, you've been acting strange these past few weeks I barely see you these days and every time I try to talk to you, you run away… Fluttershy… Do you still want to be my friend…?”
“What?!” The Pegasus wasn’t sure if she'd heard right.
Twilight continued. Fluttershy could tell that she was worried by the sound of her voice.
“It seems like you've been avoiding me a lot and hiding from me… I see you talking with other ponies, so why ignore me?”
Fluttershy suddenly stopped walking. Twilight did too when she felt her friend, or ex-friend, stop. She turned to see what was wrong, but the Pegasus' head was down.
“Twilight… You will always be my friend… I don’t hate you, and I will never do it…”
“Then why do you keep avoiding me?”
Fluttershy tried to think of something to say, but could only think of the truth. She took a deep breath. “Because… Because I… f… ” But she got interrupted by somepony they both knew well.
“Oh goodie, there you are, Twilight!” The pink pony bounced towards them.
“Oh, hi Pinkie Pie!” Twilight smiled. Seeing Pinkie Pie always made her happy; it seemed like Pinkie Pie carried joy with her wherever she went. “What are you doing here?” The Unicorn asked as Pinkie Pie continued jumping around them.
“Looking for you, silly! I need your help!”
“My help? For what?”
“I’ll tell you when we get to my room. Let’s go!” Pinkie grabbed Twilight and took her away fast, leaving Fluttershy alone.
“Because I fell in love with you…” She finished sadly, walking home, alone.
Good story.
1813495 Thank you!
It's good, but it does need some cleaning up. There's missing punctuation marks, some weird word choices, and some strange dialogue. Try to go over your chapter before submitting it, or have someone do it for you. It's got a good plot and has potential; you just need to fix the grammar issues.
I'll keep following it, though. I'm looking forward to seeing more!
I swear Celestia should seal Pinkie in stone. She has caused more pain more destruction more chaos than discord nightmare moon Chrysalis and Sombra have put together.
1815261 Thank you for your honesty, I'll check twice next time and will correct those mistakes now!
Oh god, pinkie is gonna end up confessing to twi. And shys gonna get sad. Eeek i cant watch! *peeks through fingers*
“Would you get that Spike? Thanks!”
“Sure Twilight, no problem…”
“Alright, let’s go Fluttershy!”
All of these quotes have one thing in common; they're missing commas. When a character is being addressed in dialogue, there needs to be punctuation om either side. Ergo, if the name is in the middle there should be two commas (ie "Sure, Twilight, no problem.") and if it's at either end there needs to be a comma at the inside of the sentence (ie "Pinkie, could you..."; "...let's go, Fluttershy."
"The animals needs me"
This one is a simple tense error. Since Fluttershy is talking about multiple animals, the animals need her. I'm sure you knew that; you must've just missed it.
“Fluttershy, are you sure you're okay?”“Yes… Why… Why wouldn’t I?”
Should say, "Why wouldn't I be?" Again, I'm sure you just missed that by mistake.
Thought I'd pay close attention and try to help you out, since I respect and enjoy your writing. Hope this is helpful! ^_^
And no, I don't "got to love Pinkie!" Not when she's making life difficult for my poor Cheesy Gordita. She's almost as bad as Spike...
damn youuuuuu pinkie!!!!! -shouts to the sky-
but good chapter
6045583 Thanks. I'm glad that people still enjoy these ones
dam it pinki,
PINKIE!!!!!!
WHAT IN EQUESTRIA COULD YOU NEED TWILIGHT FOR RIGHT NOW?!
9767649 You want to kill her? Get in the line