My name is Aedan and I'm your average run-of-the-mill guy from Missouri. I served in the Marine Corps for about four years, now I've been out for a year and I'm making a living on the edge of St. Louis. It's not the best of conditions for a guy like me to have to deal with, but I adapt and overcome. Then one Saturday morning on my daily jog I ran into something (well in truth she ran into me) I'd never thought possible. She calls herself 'Princess Luna'. She's alone and confused, but most of all, she wants to go home. And guess who the poor guy is that decided to help her.
rated Teen for talking like a Marine and some... 'Adult' situations...
Chapters (25)
2807935 Ok... well...
first off... Aedan will have some traits like me, I'll admit that... but he's mostly his own person, his own faults, his own fears, likes, needs... etc...
second this isn't human in Equestria... this is pony in our world...
third... this has Luna... not Celestia... and as far as I recall, Aedan might not even fall for Luna, this is a science of life fic as well as romance, she may just help him find a girl on earth... never be so quick to judge, I'm betting you hate it and you didn't even bother to attempt to read it.
2807935 glad to see you bothered to correct yourself
2807993 But did you bother to even read it? That's what I'm most curious about.
2807935
First Off: Don't speak for me
Second: Don't speak for me!
Third: DON'T SPEAK FOR ME!
Try to write YOUR opinions as YOUR opinions, not mine, or anyone else's
So to correct them to observations that I have seen:
1. Be careful with Self-Inserts, even partials. They are not very well-received.
2. Pony in earth huh, better have a real good reason, because see above point.
3. ... I got nothing to fix this, this is wrong as per my observations.
2808043 Thanks for the input, I'll be sure to keep all of that in mind, now let's drop the subject and enjoy (or hate) what I'll be writing.
2808072 So, as for my own observations:
Everything seems to be moving rather fast. I hope you have something epic, or moderately so, lined up for how/why she 'poofed' into our world. The speech she uses is fairly one dimensional, and I am not really getting any emotion, or character, from it. The way I see Luna, is she would have a more 'Royal' air, for lack of a better term, regardless of where she may be located at the time. I would expect her to say: "Wait creature! If you would be so kind; where am I?" rather than beg him not to leave. Or even better, since he said he was Barney the Dinosaur, "Hold dinosaur! If you would be so kind; where am I?"
I am not saying I hate it, but it kind of seemed like half of it was left behind on the editing room floor, if you catch my drift.
2808127 Truthfully I could use another editor (my last one dipped out on me after going over this chapter...) would you mind helping me out here?
not to mention my last story was criticized for being slow at the start... I was planing to slow it down as it went along, but the end product would still be similar
Not normally a fan of humans, but I'll give it a go.
Who would want to live in a scum hole like St Louis? Whole town smells like cat pee. KANSAS CITY, WOOH!!!!
Hmmm this is pretty cool, I seriously can't wait for the next chapter.
Please tell me when you do.
So far so good. I love princess Luna. She's awesome
2808146 I wish that I could assist. Sadly, I do not have the time, as I am working with 3 other authors, on 4 different stories.
As for the too slow portion, I will have to read the previous story to see.
Story speed is a very delicate balance. Picture it much like a symphony. The tempo has to flow with the intent behind the notes. It's the same for a story. You change the level of detail, and the style of immersion, based upon what mood you want the story to convey at that time.
A helpful hint: Make an outline, and after each bullet point, write out the mood(s) you wish to convey for each point. This will help you when you flesh out the chapter. If you find yourself with a chapter that has only one mood, you may want to see if that mood can actually carry the chapter. This is usually not the case.
2810355 Hey I understand, being military myself I know what it feels like to be bogged down with work, again I thank you for the pointers and if you continue to read this I hope I don't disappoint you
Prepare for the social awkwardness?
2818556 You'll see soon enough... (If you continue to follow this little tale of mine that is...)
This is a great story don't let anyone tell you any difference, it's really entertaining.
Great great great great great job, and if you don't mind me asking, if you need an editor I'll help, I'm good at finding every detail and great ideas. But once again great chapter.
Cliffhanger!!! Dun dun DUUUUUUUH! Great chapter, if a tad short. You update pretty fast though, so I doubt I'll have to wait long for the next chapter to see what happens! Can't wait. Semper Fi
2829956 Rah, yut, yut devil dog! Semper Fi brother
Description caught my eye. Expect a read and review shortly.
Yay luna is finally going to learn that she is from mlp.
Knowing Luna, she'll probably think that humans have been spying on her world with some sort of crystal ball and magically recording their findings...
2831907 Well... remember in chapter 3 when she was watching Transformers on the T.V.? Aedan explained to her the concept of Television and so on, so Luna has a basic understanding of our tech and such, but that maybe something I'll use in the next chapter, thanks for the suggestion.
Aedan seems to be a bit of a Casanova... Now, the question stands: Jamie or Luna?
...
...
I vote Luna, because, well... It's Luna, there's no better reason.
2832760
A Casanova... hmm.... well I can see that, but that would mean that Aedan would be a lot more houndish... and he would be a bit more responsive to the advances of Jamie,
As for Jamie vs. Luna...
Aedan's moral code forbids him from being with both ATM... though we have seen him express his interest in both of them via his thoughts...
Jamie seems nice, a bit forward, but nice and Luna, well she's Luna Hopefully he won't have to pick... Or did I do that on purpose???
Once again great chapter.
Damn you Jamie for getting in his head!
Well I'm glad that he's starting to like luna even if he doesn't realize it but if they do "go out" then I hope he tells Jamie before there's a horrible misunderstanding.
this chapter:
Good Job!!!
2834500 Glad you liked it, I was starting to think no one thought this was funny.
2834589 You´re kidding?
This is HILARIOUS
MOAR!!!
You are Fast!
2834612 I try not to keep my audience in suspense
2834670 Well, thank you!
Ah... Gamer Luna is awesome...
Make Luna tell Aedan about Equestria!
Why?
Because it wil be Fun
You just won the following:
A like
)
A fave
10/10 mustaches
A follower (stalker
And a box of cheerios
simplespoonful.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/cheerios.jpg
I really like the speed of the updates!
2834694 In order...
1. Sounds good I Might have to try it
I only see 8... 
... wait... what? 
2.
3.
4.
5.
and finally...
6. I F&%$ING LOVE CHEERIOS!!!
2834703 I hate it when writers wait for weeks on end to post a new chapter... so I hasten the process as best I can
2834878 Just try not to sacrifice quality for time
2834876 Dude... Everypony f****nG LOVE CHEERIOS
2834924 Have I yet?
2834932 Nope
Oh my God, again awesome chapter.
Yah gamer luna!!!!
NEW CHAPTER!?!?!!11
yay
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2604-Luna_saw_what_you_did_there.jpg
Nine chapters and the romance just barely started :0.
I think Aedan is going to start looking at Luna in a different way. Atleast making some observations about her and what she said.
And Luna is subconsciously thinking about Aedan aswell.
It might become even more interesting now.
Did he ever actually use the bathroom?
2838122
One of life's great mysteries... one we may never know...
2838187 lol
2838036 I know, but in most of these fics it happens so fast that you really don't have a lot of fun watching it develop or any of the real life awkwardness that comes with actually falling for someone. In the ones I've read about 85% have been Hi, my name's (insert human/pony name) then the cannon character says theirs then the two instantly fall head over heels for one another... granted plenty of those are fine, but I like a little bit more development before I send my characters rushing for the bedroom... (friendly reminder, not a clopfic, just making a point)
and more interesting indeed