The Princess and I

by Flanagan


2: The Explaining

“For the love of GOD!” I said yelled instantly covering my eyes, “Why aren’t you wearing anything!?”

“I am wearing something,” she said, “My crown and my necklace.”

“No… why aren’t you covered up?” I said pointing in her direction. “Shouldn’t a Princess have some kind of… Oh, I don’t know… modesty?”

“What is this lack of modesty you speak of?” she said walking up to me. “I can assure you that I am quite modest.”

“Then where the hell are your clothes?”

“My clothes?” she said looking down, “You mean like a dress?”

“Well it doesn’t have to be a dress, but YES clothes!”

“We ponies only wear dresses or suits at formal occasions, such as the Grand Galloping Gala or the Canterlot Garden Party” Luna explained, “we don’t normally were clothing on a daily basis.”

“Well here we wear clothes all day.” I said trying to find my way to my bedroom blind, “I got nothing that’ll fit you, but you could still at least wear something.”

“You have my thanks Aedan.” Luna said from behind me, wrapping me in her new arms. “How will I ever repay such kindness?”

The darker part of every man’s mind started to light up inside my head. After all I had a beautiful, twenty-something (or so she looked) woman in my apartment who just asked how she could repay me for my kindness. But I knew for a fact that’s not what she meant, not to mention my morals were screaming at me like a psychopath. Rule number 76, never sleep with a female of a different sentient species, no matter how good they look.

“You’re ‘thank yous’ are enough…” I said gently pushing her off of me. “And I really mean that.”

“Then thank you again.” She said, I could only assume she was smiling, because if I turned around, I’d more than likely wouldn’t be looking up. She probably wouldn’t mind, hell she said she never wore clothes anyway, but I still wanted to show her a little respect.

Before I knew it the two of us were in my bedroom, Luna following me close behind. I opened my eyes, just to make sure I was in front of my dresser. I had to take a few steps to the left, but I still got there. The first thing I went for was obvious, a pair of boxer-briefs and one of my undershirts. I tossed them blindly at her, hoping that she would know how to put everything on. I waited for a few seconds, then turned around, only to see the shirt covering her face and the underpants draped on her shoulder.

I face palmed again "You don’t know how to dress yourself… Do you?”

“These articles of clothing confuse me.” Luna said awkwardly grabbing the undershirt. “What purpose does this serve?”

“It’s done like this…” I said taking off my own shirt. I couldn’t believe I was explaining how to put a shirt on, this must be what my parents went through when I was learning how to dress. “You put your head through this hole and your arms in the other two.” I put my shirt back on slowly, making sure she fully understood the concept. “You got that?”

“I believe I do.” She said from behind me.

I turned around to see her make the final adjustments with the shirt. It was huge on her, actually going down to her thighs. “Great…” I said, “Looks like you’ve-“ I was cut short by her taking the shirt of, revealing everything once again. “But you’re supposed to keep the damn thing on!” I said, covering my eyes yet again.

“Oh,” Luna said quickly putting the shirt on again, “My apologies.”

“It’s fine…” I said trying to hide the red in my face, “now put on the underwear.”

“Are you going to show me how to do that as well?” she asked, much to my surprise. There was no way in hell I was going to show her how to put underwear on.

“No.” I said quickly, “but you see the big hole?” I pointed to the pair that was now on the bed. She nodded, “Ok, you put both of your legs through that hole, then you put one leg through either hole.”

“Ah, I think I understand.” Luna said looking back to me, “would you be so kind as to watch me put them on? To ensure that I’ve done it correctly?”

“I think you’ll get the hang of it.” I said quickly, turning red again, I really didn’t get that part. I’ve seen naked women before, granted it’s been a while since I’ve seen one in my apartment. I guess it was because she was someone different, ‘royalty’ as she so claimed and from what I could gather given what I’ve seen very, very innocent. I turned around again waiting for her to give me the go ahead.

“I’ve done it.” She said proudly, “now I am clothed like you.”

I reluctantly turned around again, expecting to see her taking off the underwear, but fortunately she was a fast learner. She was sitting on my bed however, propped up on her arms and legs crossed.

“What now?” she asked.

“Well…” I began, “There’s more to clothing than a shirt and underwear…” I opened the drawer just under my underwear one and grabbed my only pair of shorts. “These are pants,” I explained, “They’re like underwear, but you wear them over it, and usually you tuck your shirt in as well.”

“I understand…” she said grabbing the shorts, “both through the big hole then one leg through the small ones?”

“That’s right,” I said proudly, “But make sure the buttons are in front. Or you’ll have to take them off and put them back on.”

“Alright…” she said raising her legs to put the shorts on. This time I watched making sure she did it right and because she was already wearing enough clothing to not make me feel uncomfortable. She got it right on the first try, that made me happy, because if not I would probably have to have put them on for her.

“Um, lord Aedan…” Luna said to bring me out of my thoughts, “how do I… use these?” she motioned to her hands then to the short’s buttons.

“Didn’t you button your dresses in Equester?” I asked

“It’s pronounced Equestria…” she said rolling her eyes, “And yes but that was with magic, and in this form I can only reverse my appearance back to my original form.”

“Ok…” I said awkwardly, I never thought I’d have to explain how to use your hands, but I thought since she was getting the hang of everything else so quick I could just show her real quick then she’d give it a try.

“Here,” I said gently grabbing the zipper “You hold it like this and pull up.” I went to the very top then moved my hand to the button itself, “And for this it’s just…” I slid the button through the whole “That easy.” Then I undid my work and looked back to her, “Now your turn.”

“Ok…” she replied moving her hands towards mine, with little hesitation I pulled back. I’m sure she wanted to do this all on her own, it took a few tries but on the fourth or fifth attempt she finally got the hang of it.

“Am I learning quickly?” Luna asked me looking back up to me.

“Yes, very.” I said, “In a few days I wouldn’t be surprised if you could ride a unicycle while juggling chainsaws.”

“Are you going to teach me how to do that next?”

She clearly couldn’t tell when I was being sarcastic, but then again, even the people I was close to couldn’t tell sometimes. Now that she was ‘decent’ by human standards I outstretched my hand to her which she gently grabbed with her own and stood up, we were kinda frozen in that position for a few seconds. But then I checked my wrist watch, 09:45, I’d been so busy helping Luna that I’d lost all track of time. I’d also forgotten that I was hungry.

“Come on Luna.” I said pulling her back to the kitchen, “Let me show you how we eat.”

I took another step, but Luna instantly fell to the floor. I went to help her quickly, I didn’t mean to be so fast, I thought she wouldn’t be so surprised by my action, but I’ve been wrong before and I will be wrong again, it’s just a part of life. Helping her sit back on my bed I made sure that only her pride was hurt.

“Are you ok?” I asked looking her over.

“I’m fine,” she replied, “but you must remember, I’m new to this body, I haven’t really adjusted to having only two legs.”

I knew what she meant, about adjusting to a new body. I knew it better than most, so this was something I could teach her relatively quick. “It’s real easy Princess.” I said taking both her hands, “Just put one foot in front of the other.” Again that phrase, one that I’ve heard over a million times in my life, but has found new purpose for me and now for a pony trying to pass off as a human.

“One foot in front of the other?” she asked.

“Yes.” I replied, “One foot in front of the other.”

We slowly made our way to the kitchen, Luna following my lead, still holding tightly to me as we continued. But when we reached the door Luna didn’t see that little bump thing that some doors had. She fell into me catching me off guard. The two of us fell to the floor she, obviously given my luck as of the past few hours, landed square on my chest, knocking the wind out of me yet again.

“I’m so sorry lord Aedan!” Luna said rolling off of me, “I didn’t mean to-“

“You’re fine…” I said pulling myself up with the couch, “I’ve fallen a lot more than you think I have.” I reached for her “But I’ve always gotten back up.”

She looked to my hand then back to me and smiled, grabbing my hand she stood back up. “One foot in front of the other.” She said.

“One foot in front of the other.” I repeated.

It didn’t take long for us to get to the kitchen; it was only five steps from where we fell any way. “This is a kitchen.” I explained, “This is where we cook, and eat.”

“I know what a kitchen is…”

“My apologies, I-“

“Do you have waffles?”

“What?”

“Waffles.” She repeated, “I love waffles.”

“Yeah,” I replied “I got some Eggos in the freezer.”

I went to my refrigerator and opened the top door, letting the cool air flow over my face. It took a few seconds but I finally found the waffles behind a bag of frozen peas that had been in there longer than I could recall, I needed to clean out my freezer, I thought to myself prying the box free from the icy grip of my fridge.

“Here they are.” I said showing them to her, “Waffles, just for you.”

“Wonderful!” she said her eyes doubling in size, “Let me have them.”

“Not just yet Princess.” I said stopping her from grabbing them, “I’m sure you want them cooked.”

“They aren’t already cooked?”

“Well, they’re cooked.” I said, “But they’re frozen… you need to put them in the toaster.”

“Toaster?” she asked, “What manner of machine is that?”

“That is.” I said pointing to the silvery cube on my counter, “Here, I’ll show you how it works.”

I walked her over to the counter and grabbed a few waffles out of the box, there were only four left, I needed to go to the store soon. Placing the four into the slots I pushed down the lever until I heard the familiar click.

“Is that all?” Luna asked.

“Not yet,” I said “We’ve got to wait now. And I should get my own food.”

Luna nodded watching the toaster thoroughly while I made my way back to the fridge. I opened it up hoping that the one thing I wanted was still in supply. I let out a sigh of relief, bacon, oh sweet bacon, only three strips left, but still bacon. Better yet there were a few eggs left too. Now I knew that I needed to go to the store, but now it was bacon time.

I grabbed what I needed for the breakfast of champions, a frying pan and the last few drops of veggie oil and walked over to my stove. Setting it on high I threw the bacon on the pan and let the heat of modern technology fill my apartment with the sweet aroma of the greatest of man’s delicacies.

POP! Luna jumped into me, almost knocking me into the stove. I turned around to see the look of pure fear on her face. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Y-your… your toasty!” she cried pointing to it, “It tried to assualt me!”

“No…” I said reassuringly, trying not to laugh, “That’s it telling you your waffles are ready.”

“Are… are you sure?” she asked looking back to me, “Are you sure it doesn’t wish to bring harm me?”

“I’m positive.” I said walking her back to the toaster. “Here I’ll show you.”

I literally drug her to the counter and pointed to the toaster, showing her the waffles had popped back up. Opening the cabinet I grabbed a plate, a fork and a knife. “You know how to use these?” I asked.

She nodded and grabbed them from my hands. Now that she had what she needed to eat I pointed to the waffles. Reluctantly she reached for them; seemingly to her surprise the toaster didn’t try to attack her. But that didn’t stop her from darting away from it and hiding behind the couch, poking her head out from the other side and glaring at it.

Cute, I thought to myself, hiding from an inanimate object while still trying to look mean. Then I remembered that my bacon was still on the stove, fortunately it wasn’t burned, Mr. King might have forgotten to pay the overall electric bill again. But this time it saved my meal. I grabbed the bacon and put it on the second plate I’d grabbed, then I poured what was left of the veggie oil into the pan and threw what was left of my eggs on to get them all ready. After a minute or two the eggs were finally over medium, just the way I like them. Smiling I walked over to the couch, Luna was still staring down the toaster, but I looked past that. I plopped down next to her and began the age old adventure were the lone hero goes on an epic quest to find the remote.

“What’s that?” Luna asked pointing to my bacon, “I know of eggs but that item next to it perplexes me…”

“This?” I said pointing to my bacon, she nodded, “This… This is a gift from the gods. The greatest gift the higher powers have ever given man, this… is… bacon.”

“It smells delicious.” Luna said taking a whiff, “What plant does it come from?”

I froze just before taking a bite, I’d almost forgotten that she was a horse, a vegetarian. “Well…” I began putting the strip down “It doesn’t really come from a plant…”

“Then where does it come from?”

“Do you have pigs where you live?”

“Of course.” Luna nodded, “They are an uncouth and sloppy race, but they are still loyal subjects nonetheless.”

“That’s where bacon comes from.” I said casually.

“The pigs make the bacon?”

“No…” I said covering my face, “the bacon comes from the pigs.”

“That doesn’t make much since…” Luna said rubbing her chin, “how does bacon come from-“ she finally put two and two together and looked to me horrified.

“You’re a carnivore!” she exclaimed falling off the couch and violently scooting away from me. “STAY AWAY FROM ME!”

“Easy Princess…” I said doing my best to calm me down, “if I was going to eat you I would’ve-“ I paused to rephrase what I was about to say, “I eat plants too, I mean I love apples.”

“STAY AWAY!” she cried again, backing herself into a wall.

I stood up and began to make my way to her. I was trying to be calm, but my old instincts kicked in when she started to throw pillows at me. I rushed her, held her down and covered her mouth. “I’m NOT going to kill you Princess.” I said staring her square in her terrified eyes, “I’m trying to help you, please understand that, I’m trying to help you get home… but if you keep acting like this it’s gonna be really, really difficult. So please calm down, eat your breakfast and try to remember how you ended up in a park just ten minutes away from St. Louis.”

Luna nodded quickly and with that I let her go, helped her up with one hand and gave her waffles back with the other. There were a couple minutes of silence after what had happened. Neither of us had touched our food, but then Luna broke the silence with a question.

“Do you have any syrup?”

“Yeah” I replied, standing up “I’ll get it for you.” I made my way to the cabinet and opened it up and grabbed that was left of the syrup. I really needed to go to the store. I popped the lid and handed it to her. Then I noticed that she was sitting on the one item I was looking for when we started this debacle, the damned remote.

“Luna.” I said touching her shoulder, she glared at me, but I really wasn’t in the mood for formality at the moment. “You’re sitting on the remote.”

“The what?

“The remote…” I said again pointing to it, “You're sitting on it.”

She looked down and saw it sticking out just a few inches. Standing up she grabbed the remote, examining it for a few moments before handing it to me. “What does this device do?” she asked.

“This.” I answered pushing the ‘on’ button, instantly showing the Cardinals game I swore I wouldn’t miss. I slid into my couch, but Luna had jumped over the couch like she had when I told her what bacon was.

“What sorcery is this?!” she exclaimed “No unicorn or alicorn can use magic in this way.”

“It’s not magic.” I said, “Its technology… even I really can’t explain it, all I know is that it’s a great way to explain things to people new around here.” I turned around and motioned her to sit down next to me, “Here sit next to me ask what’s happening on the T.V. and I’ll do my best to explain it for you.”

“Ok…” Luna said meekly walking around the couch, taking her place next to me. The two of us sat there the whole day, flipping through almost every channel deep into the night. I did my best to explain all of her questions. It was nearly 02:00 in the morning when she finally fell asleep on the couch, I picked her up as gently as I could and made my way to my room and laid her on my bed. Pulling the covers over her, I made my way back to the couch.

“That was interesting…” I told myself slumping back on the couch, “but tomorrow is gonna be really interesting…” because tomorrow I was going to take Luna to a place the likes of which she’d never seen. I was going to take Luna into society.