• Member Since 26th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Lucky424


T

Taking a short cut across the beach was a bad idea during hurricane season. One arrived without warning, and Gray spotted a sturdy looking shed, he sprinted towards it for cover. But then a powerful wind swept him up...

....Princess Celestia looked out the window from her throne at the heavy storm. She went back to her paperwork, which was blown from the table by an unseen wind. There was a flash and a silhouette flew through the air, rolling to a stop at the bottom of her dais...


Okay, so this one isn't my idea. I am being give them, and am fleshing them out. This one, for once, will be proof read/edited by KnightFlower. Mainly because he's the one given me the ideas and he asked me to write it for him. Didn't think I was that good at writing! If you want to add this to a group, can you please ask me first? Thank you.

No, that does not mean I'll be doing other requests, at the moment. Dark tag added for some small bits.

Chapters (23)
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Comments ( 1321 )

To everyone it's nightflower so please enjoy our story all rude comments are to be sent to me

3001233
So any problems we blame you?

Well... I guess I'll keep an eye on this since it seems to be a Celestia ship fic... hopefully it doesn't veer into molestia territory

3001233

I won't favorite this, not yet, but I will watch from afar.

Night, like any story, there are some mistakes here and there, but they all look like really quick fixes, so don't worry too much. Nothing another quick skim can't fix.

Congratulations to you, author whos name I've already forgotten. It seems like you know what you're doing, and that's good for anybody looking to write anything.

Also, sweet questionable cover art. Keep it up, you two.

3001242 Well, problems with the ideas, yes. Problems with writing, no. And depending on how (if at all) rude, you will receive the same. :pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:

3001253 I honestly have no idea, depends on how Night want's to take it. :rainbowderp::rainbowderp:

3001273 Well, you're more than welcome to point them out. Any help will be appreciated. Got to remember, though, that being a Brit, my spelling and grammar will be a little different to what you're used to. Still, hope you enjoy whatever we come up with! :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

I'll give this a go. You earn my "Like" button. :twilightsmile:

I'm definitely interested, but you're writing is a little hard to keep up with at some points. One minute he's cuddling Celestia, then he's running and stops to play guitar I think? It feels like the whole thing was rushed right out the gate. Still like I said before; I'm watching.

You had my curiosity...now you have my attention. :pinkiehappy:

3001334 He was asleep at that point, and didn't have control then. As for playing the guitar... you'd think a music studio would be soundproofed, right? He was just taking a break from his early morning jog. Then his brain caught up.

3001335 :yay::yay:

3001377 May I ask how?

A bit to early to have an opinion yet.
Though some of the actions taken by tbe characters was just odd. Why didn't Celestia just move him with her magic to a sofa. Why did he randomly decide to start playing someone's guitar literally a minute after he was being chased. Not a very good job at laying low.
Also, the description of Celestia, and by extension the anthro ponies, could have some thinga added. Such as mentioning of she having fur, her fur color, the shape of her leg if it is digitgrade, and her muzzle, which is longer then mmany of the normal ponies.

I will be wayching this, to see where this goes. Hope this turns out to be a good story. Human shipping with Celestia is my favorite.

3001419 You make a good point about a sofa.. yeah, that happened. Um.... what does digitgrade mean? Also, I did say she had fur, when she shut the door on him before he jumped out the window.

and he tried to open the door to escape, but a white furry hand pushed back, keeping the door closed

And I did describe her as having a small muzzle, the only thing I missed, which I just realised, was her ears! As for the guitar... one comment up.:twilightsheepish: Still, thanks for watching!

3001467

This is an example for a digitgrade leg. NSFW image in link. From teh picture, you can see that if you would put down her leg to a standing position, it would look like she is standing on tiptoe.

great and don't worry about getting chapters up quickly just get them up with small amounts of grammar issues.:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

3001410 the grammar and the story is choppy it just doesn't flow it more stops then starts with each sentence

3001590 So... similar to a human leg, and not bending forwards at the knee? Uh.. we'll get to that!:derpyderp1::derpyderp2::derpytongue2:

3001596 This one will take longer, due to the fact I am not creating this one on my own!

3001599 Could you possibly pick out an example? I mean, it seemed fine to me.

3001636 A you don't tell us how he got their in the story some people never read the prolog and you had him run get seduced, run some more play a gaiter and the Twi shows up I mean how did he become uncochins and the description are a little off focused

3001681 Well, we're getting to that, don't worry and there isn't a prologue. Lots of successful stories have started this way. He didn't get seduced, as Celestia said, he was running around the castle for a good six hours. All she did was give him a drink, and then his body decided to rest.

The falling unconscious was his body mind catching up with the shock. It's been documented that shock can come into effect almost a week after something has happened. As for Twilight just turning up... I did have it saying that she deals with the princess stuff on Saturdays, and she was rushing back in because they were closing the gates. Then she saw Gray and went into 'study' mode.

Anyway, if it's not for you, than that's fair enough. Thanks for your input either way. :pinkiehappy:

To answer your question no molestia, it might became slightly clop descriptive can't say till later I shall do that and thank you all and who dislikes our story:twilightblush:

Run from twilight fool wouldn't trust anything she does.

3001467
This picture is an example. Look at her legs.
Missed that part.
That is the thing though. The normal ponies would have small muzzles. Celestia's, and Luna's are longer then most normal ponies.
Uhhhmmmm. If that is the character's reasoning then he is either not very bright, or just had one very massive dumb moment due to exaustion. He should have just waited for the guards to move along, and slip away unnoticed.

3001765 You just thanked... the ones who disliked the story? And no molestia? ...Fine!
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw4910-3641847_d7b9517a976c0b3482f55162d24a9dcc.gif
3001784 He can't run from Twilight... he's unconscious!
3001785 Well no, just adrenaline pumping. Yeah, he used to high amounts, but not when standing still. Trust me, lots of it in your system, and you certainly don't think straight. But the guards did leave, Octavia (as if it wasn't obvious) ran out and grabbed some that were passing by. She also happened to be screaming about a monster, and Luna was following from up high anyway. And legs... yeah, we'll get to that!

super awesome story just like your other ones. I cant wait to see what happens next

3001307

I'll have to take that into account.

It feels rather promising, and it's nice to read some anthro story that isn't another clop, but it's too rushed. Another 1000 or so words would do much good for the pacing. Besides that, some bits don't fit to well. Starting singing after breaking into someones house, in the middle of pursuit, just to show his (or yours) music taste is, to be frank, really stupid. Rewrite would do good for this story.
As of now, I'll watch it, but I won't give a 'thumb'.

3002156 As I've explained, we do stupid things on adrenaline. As for going inside, he was trying to hide, and inside is the best way.

3002171 True, but when you try to hide, starting singing and playing electric guitar isn't considered as reasonable move, no matter the adrenaline level. It's like playing Splinter Cell with a boombox on Fisher's shoulder.

Welcome to my Read Now list

3002232 True. But, this one isn't really for me, and the guy who requested it liked it, so... you know.

3002275 Hello again.

Okay, time to point some things out.

WHAT THE HAY ARE OU?”

Dropped a Y

Seriuosly, it's annoying.

Mixed up the u and o.

Off to a good start, and good thinking having someone proof read it first.

3002314 Thanks, fixed 'em now.

3002333 Thanks. Will start working on the next chapter properly soon, only got a little bit at the moment.

I am not a fan of "antrho" at all:applejackconfused:, but compared to the humanXactual pony shipfics, these feel like a blessing.:unsuresweetie:

Liked, and faved. It could use a little more description when it comes to Parkour.

It seems that I finally have found another fic with Parkour in it to scale my own fic to, and its another romance no less! It's refreshing to have the motivation this fic provides.

I can't wait to see more soon!

I feel bad about typing in errors but whatever...

His gaze lingered on a electric guitar in the corner, and he couldn't resit., as it had been a while sine he last played one.

It should say resist instead of resit.
Sorry to be a bearer of bad news. :fluttercry:

The story is wonderfully promising to be a lighthearted and fun look at the apparent relationship, and so far it's coming across as rather adorable, but some of the actions seem very forced.

(1) The guards don't spend any time trying to protect Celestia from the strange and potentially dangerous creature that they know nothing about and who invaded their castle and ran amok for several hours.
(2) Celestia climbs in to bed with the strange and potentially dangerous creature that they know nothing about and gets all cozy.
(3) After Gray bolts a second time, he takes a moment from running for his life to kick back and show how musically-gifted he is. (Why?!)

In my opinion everyone is just too calm about what's going on - they're almost acting like long time friends.

Gray's repeated timely blackouts are also becoming groan-worthy. Especially after he spends so much time behaving relatively calmly.

I must favorite this and see where it goes...:moustache:

Upon seeing the name 'Gray', i assumed this must be a fairy tale crossover. But alas, that was not the case! :raritydespair: That would be fun, though. Natsu chases gray over the horizen, plunging the two mages into an Equine world. Oh, and of course Ezra would have gone after them, thus resulting in Gray and Natsu fighting all the time with Ezra trying tie them up and bring them home...hmmm..has possibilities.....
Whoops!
Sorry about that, I forgot about not posting ideas here...whoops :twilightoops::twilightsheepish:
Shoot me if you will :moustache:

A romance with anthro Princess Celestia and it's not clop? WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!

NOT BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FYI IM NOT A BRONY >:D:trixieshiftleft:

3003098
Is this the bit where I say 'GTFO'? :rainbowhuh:
Ah well, by the way, why'd you join this site if you aren't a brony, the name sorta implies what the content reenforces. :unsuresweetie:
So yes, just WATCH THE SHOW!!!!!! :flutterrage:

3003120 NO I JUST LIKE READING! TROLLOLLOLLLOLLOLLOLLOLL! Nope

3003135
You little :trollestia:
and I find your lack of emoticons disturbing :moustache:

3003165
Ok, now you are merely devolving into senseless giggling. :ajbemused:
If you keep on at this senseless dribble, constantly, you have grounds for a ban :ajsmug:
So stop trolling, and just read the stories.

PS: and guessing by the content of your posts, you are probably about ten years old, just thought I'd clear that up.

dad

3003098

then why did you go through the trouble of creating an account for a website about fanfictions for bronies hmm

3003210 that's what I was wondering

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