• Member Since 17th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen July 1st

UnlicensedBrony


Writing about magic, romance and the bonds of friendship!

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Rainbow Dash loses her temper and yells at Pinkie Pie, driving the talkative party pony to make a drastic promise. Now, it falls to Rainbow Dash to fix the mess she's made, lest Pinkie lose a vital part of herself forever...

A Pinkie x Dash friendshipping fic, playing at the style of an episode from the show.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 93 )

Interesting. You don't see many friendshipping nowadays.
Such a shame too.

I like this. A lot. A whole lot.

Makes me wonder what prompted the two downvotes. This was a nice episodic fic. :pinkiehappy:

Also I really don't think Rainbow Dash needed to apologize for yelling, Pinkie Pie was looking at embarassing photos of her and wouldn't listen. But then that's just me talking. :twilightoops:

"The end of her sentence was met with a deathly silence, heralding the calm before the storm. All of three seconds passed before a swarm of ponies appeared from seemingly nowhere and scrambled to get at the abandoned dessert.

The ensuing chaos kicked up a cloud of dust, and by the time it had settled, the swarm had dispersed, leaving only a single slice of cake atop the podium."

is this a "Land Before Time reference"?
if it is "I found it hee!"

Nice fic, very enjoyable :pinkiesmile:

Yeah, this could definitely work as an episode. Well done!

aww but but Pinkie broke a PROMISE :pinkiegasp:

No, no. Dash had every right to tell her to stfu.

Finally, a FRIENDSHIPPING fic. they're great, but hard to come by.

2620009
Agreed, I would've done the same I were in her position.

This, folks, is how you do it.

2620371 She to her at least a dozen times to stop.

2620009

Not really.

It's painfully obvious that Pinkie has a disorder... she can't help herself.

2620009

The ends don't always justify the means.

Might I say this was a fantastic read. Very in character, and very enjoyable. Please, accept my mustache. :moustache:

Having been in Rainbow's position before, I can understand her snapping at Pinkie and then feeling bad about it afterwords. Overall the story was well done and read like an actually episode, I truly enjoyed it. :twilightsmile:

Question: Why didn't anypony think to give Pinkie a notebook and quill so that she could write what she was thinking? That would've saved them a lot of trouble. :rainbowhuh:

Honestly, that's the only thing that's preventing me from fully enjoying this story. Otherwise, this is quite excellent. :pinkiesmile:

kits #17 · May 24th, 2013 · · 1 ·

This was an enjoyable read! I quite like any kind of pones-are-friends fics, but Pinkie and Dash are the best for any kind of relationship-based stuff, imo.

2621072

They didn't think of it because their problem wasn't "How do we communicate with Pinkie?", it was "How do we get Pinkie to talk again?" They didn't think to ask why Pinkie wasn't talking, because they thought they already knew.

Pinkie did eventually think of it, but decided not to do it, because that wasn't the point of the Pinkie Promise.

"Or she could take up writing. Though that would kind of defeat the object, and besides, it wasn't the same..."

That was really nice to read. Gave me a break from the usual gaming crap (:trollestia:). :pinkiecrazy: ... I can kindof relate to this though. My friend really ticked me off, and I didn't speak for an entire week, Now please. Accept my moustache. :moustache:

Very good job, this was a really cute story and its nice to see it all fits in with the spirit of the show, actually... more like the spirit of the first season of the show! Thanks for sharing this, I bet even Lauren herself would approve of it. :pinkiehappy:

I feel both their pain. I normally speak my mind about lots of stuff, told to shut up, but when I'm Right, they yell at me!:ajbemused:

Now that was a good story.

Edit: Wait a minute.

Your faithful students, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash.

Shouldn't it be: "Your faithful subjects, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash"?

Good fic. I like how you portrayed Rainbow Dash and Pinkie. Pinkie was a little annoying in the beginning, but I guess that Is one of her's unintentional characteristics that couldn't be helped.

2621432 But see, that's the thing. This didn't work for me because I already knew why Pinkie wasn't talking, and it was frustrating to see the characters act as though they knew what the problem was when they actually didn't. I spent half the story saying to myself: "She made a Pinkie Promise to herself, girls. Unless you address that, nothing you try is going to work." :facehoof:

Loved it. Never read a friendship fic before, but I really enjoyed this one.

Good story. I liked it alot.

I feel like the story should have an alternate ending. No matter what they do, Pinkie never speaks again. Rainbow is haunted by what she does for life. Or something along the lines of that.

Still, love the story. :twilightsmile:

2619444 Thanks a lot! Yeah, it's a shame that we don't see many fics in the style of episodes. I think I've read two, ever. And I haven't seen one on the front page in a looong time.

2619457 Thank you! Personally, I think yelling at a friend like that is always seriously uncool, and warrants an apology. I think that Dash would think that too, but then... that's just me talking :pinkiehappy:

2619614 Could be, subconsciously :applejackunsure: I'm afraid I can't even remember the movies, but it's surprising what gets lodged up there in my head.

2619622 Thanks!

2620003 Yes! :twilightsmile: I'm glad you think so, thanks!

2620008 I'm surprised that the world didn't implode :twilightoops:

...Nah, but it was a big deal. :twilightsmile: I think that having her not freak out about it was cooler, because it shows that she knows her friends' wellbeing is more important than a promise. Hmm... Two moral episode?

2620009 I don't know :applejackunsure: I would've probably done the same in her position. But, like her, I would've felt terrible about it right afterwards. I guess she did have the right, but it wasn't nice to exercise it.

2620377 :twilightsmile: Thanks!

2620039 I know, right? I'd love to see more episode-style fics out there. Now that I've got a taste for it, maybe I'll write some more.

2620543 You might very well say that. And I might very well thank you for it! And for the moustache as well - one can never have too many moustaches :eeyup: Cheers!

2620582 Yeah, I'm guilty of it too. Just one of those things, I guess, and it usually all works out in the end. Thanks very much for your comment, it's great to hear that you enjoyed it!

2621072 Rainbow could've thought of that when she was originally trying to get Pinkie to talk (in the park), but ultimately she understood what was going on by the end of the scene anyway...

The party pony shook her head solemnly as she mimed zipping up her mouth, locking it and then sitting down on the key.

There was a short pause as Rainbow worked it over in her head, before her legs finally drooped and she let out a sigh. “Yeah, okay, I guess I knew that already...”

...from then on, it's not figuring out what's wrong that's the problem, it's figuring out how to talk Pinkie Pie out of a Pinkie Promise. Otherwise, I'm sure Twilight would've been the first to suggest it :twilightsmile:

Near the end, when Dash was asking 'what can I do to get you to talk?', I guess a quill and paper would've come in handy. But then, only for Pinkie to explain that there was no way she'd ever break a Pinkie Promise, no matter what Dash did for her in return. And Dash didn't think of it before she crashed anyway :rainbowdetermined2:

That's my take on it (read: excuse ) anyway.

Otherwise, this is quite excellent. :pinkiesmile:

Thanks! :twilightsheepish:

2621314 Yup, PinkieDash interactions of any kind are my favourite, in episodes and fanfics both :pinkiehappy::rainbowkiss: Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

2621920 Wow, talk about silent treatment. Must've been pretty serious :twilightoops: Well, it's awesome that you liked the read, thanks very much! And I gladly accept your moustache too!

2622920 That's very kind, thank you so much! It was absolutely my pleasure to share it :twilightsmile:

2622986 Ain't that the truth! :flutterrage:

2623586 Thanks! And thanks also for the correction :twilightblush:

2623664 Thanks a lot! Yeah, she was supposed to be annoying in the beginning, though I think I made her a bit too hyper. She's a hard one to nail down, that Pinkie Pie.

2625721 Thanks, and that's awesome - I'm glad I could give a good first impression!

2627185 Thank you! :scootangel:

2627491 :pinkiegasp: I could never do that kind of story I'm afraid. Too saddening :fluttercry: But if you'd like to write it then be my guest! (Also, thank you!)

2628411 I actually might.

Sometimes, when I see a story with an ending, I end up writing my own alternate ending. Sometimes it's happy, sometimes it's not. :twilightblush: I've done that for a while, then stopped.

Love your stories. :yay:

2628232 Awesome, if you do let me know!:pinkiehappy:

D'aww that was a good heartwarming story at the end. It was a perfect mix of sadness, and happiness thrown into a story.

You think you're going to make another one similar to this?

2628476 Well, that's certainly in the spirit of fanfiction, I'd say. If you do end up going for it, let me know! And thanks again :twilightsmile:

2631506 Thanks! I was trying for a nice balance, rather than my usual 90% cutesy, 10% everything else method :scootangel: Glad you liked it!

2631908 Yes, I think I will. I don't have any ideas for one just yet, but I'm sure something will spring to mind before long.

I totally want this to be an episode.

I could definitely see this being an episode. Well written, and nopony acting out of character. Keep up the good work!

...Wow, that was great. I actually heard (well, read) most of the lines in the characters' voices, you're that good at writing them. You get a solid 10/10 from me. :yay:

The intro left a very bad taste in my mouth. Pinkie Pie was totally out of line, as well as out of character. She's certainly annoying at times, but she's never been so pointedly insensitive before, almost to the point of being hurtful. Rainbow Dash's reaction was completely justified. Pinkie really needed to shut up. No, that kind of angry reaction is never the preferred response, but it is an understandable one, and it annoyed me greatly that all of her friends immediately took Pinkie's side of it when Pinkie was just as much in the wrong as Dash.

After that, the story did pick up considerably. Pinkie's decision to stop talking is something I can definitely see her doing, and I can also easily see her stubbornly sticking to her promise even after she realized she shouldn't have made it. Finally choosing to break her promise in order to make sure her friend was okay was also a very nice moment.

I think this is a good fic, but there are a lot of little niggling problems that kept me from really being able to enjoy it. For example, what was the purpose of the scene where they tried to trick Pinkie into talking? Nothing at all was accomplished. My guess is that it was there for the sake of humor, and it might have been funny if hadn't been recycling a bunch of jokes from Spike at Your Service. Another annoying example is Rainbow Dash running into the cliff. Why did she keep flying backwards after Pinkie had already stopped walking? Also, your attempt to make the collision funny (by having her pancake against the cliff) is totally at odds with its much more serious consequences. You can't have both cartoon style slapstick and broken bones. Wily Coyote never blew himself up, and then actually had his flesh melted away and his insides blasted over the badlands. It just doesn't make any sense within that context.

Sorry, that's admittedly pretty nit picky stuff. This is an enjoyable story, and overall I think it is also a well conceived story, but it isn't a very well constructed one.

2638265 Thanks! Personally, I'd love to see more Pinkiedash episodes, that's one of the reasons I decided to write this in the first place. Fingers crossed for season 4!

2638980 Thanks very much! I will do!

2654332 Yay! :yay: Thanks a lot! Making them sound (or read) like their in-show selves was very much a goal here, so that's awesome to hear :pinkiehappy:

2655191 :twilightsmile: That is kinda nit picky... Glad you enjoyed it? Or some of it anyway :derpytongue2:

Regarding the intro, I can see where you're coming from. I'm pretty sure Dash's friends would be mad at her for shouting at Pinkie like that, but they also could've been more sensitive to her headache. I doubt Fluttershy would've said anything, but Applejack or Twilight certainly could've asked if she was okay or something.

But then that would also depend on their mood at the time. They obviously weren't feeling very sympathetic of Dash that evening, maybe because she'd been extra testy or grumpy due to her headache. That would be my guess at least, if I saw the scene on the show.



The other two points though, I have counter nit picks for...

...what was the purpose of the scene where they tried to trick Pinkie into talking? Nothing at all was accomplished.

The purpose of that scene was purely to show that trying to trick Pinkie was a bad idea that would accomplish nothing at all :twilightsmile: Quote sage Twilight...

“She's your friend, Rainbow Dash. If you just talk to her, you'll get through..."

...which was another little moral, if a pretty basic one.



And Rainbow Dash colliding with the cliff... well, it simply wasn't supposed to be funny. I'm looking at it now and I'm not really sure how it could've seemed that way. It actually sounds a little dark, looking back at it :fluttershysad:



Thanks for the thoughts and feedback. As I said, I'm glad that you enjoyed parts of it at least!

JAG

Sweet. There's not enough good PinkieDash friendship stuff these days, so this was very welcome. Characterization and dialogue were generally spot-on, and it could easily have passed for an episode, with a few tweaks here and there.

If I have to gripe about anything, it would be overuse of nickname 'Pinks'. Once or twice would've been okay, but Dash uses it at nearly every opportunity in the story. I don't remember Dash ever actually calling her that in the show, so it kinda took away from the 'episode' feel.

2658567 Ah, good point. I didn't even notice to be honest. I'll go through and replace some of those instances. And thank you very much for the kinds words too! Great to hear that you liked it! :pinkiehappy:

2657111

And Rainbow Dash colliding with the cliff... well, it simply wasn't supposed to be funny.

I don't know how I could possibly take the expression 'pony pancake' as anything but a joke. But if you say so...

“...and then she just pushes my hoof aside and walks off!”

I like how this ellipsis is followed by a lowercase letter instead of a capital letter because the ellipsis continues a sentence, not begins a new sentence.

“I have the perfect plan to trick her into talking again--”
Twilight sighed.
“--But I'm gonna need everypony's help,” Rainbow continued, ignoring her.

So why is the second of these pairs of dashes followed by a capital letter? "But I'm gonna need everypony's help" isn't a new sentence; it's a continuation of the sentence Dash started with "I have the perfect plan".

“Yeah, I'm fine--” She rubbed her forehead. “--My head's just been killing me all day.”

“My, my, my... Rainbow, I cannot believe that your mane was always so scruffy--” Rarity paused as she flicked the page, then let out a little, surprised snort of laughter. “--Oh, I tell a lie. Just look at those curls!”

“Look, it's getting dark out and I need some ice, so I'm gonna get out of here before I say something else stupid--” She hopped down from the couch and plodded across the room, towards the door. “--See ya later, guys.”

“Dashie never shouts at me – not like that--” She screwed up her eyes and a teardrop tumbled down onto the floor. “--I must've really hurt her feelings...”

:applejackunsure: You're a funny fellow, you know that? Huh. I mean, if you begin the second part of the line of dialogue with a capital letter and you end the action interrupting the dialogue with a full stop, what's the point of putting an em dash at the start of the second part of the line of dialog?

Then she closed her eyes and mouth both, nudged Rainbow's hoof aside with her nose and walked past, dejected.

The dumbstruck pegasus in her wake had to take a moment to blink the surprise from her mind before turning to watch the fluffy tail bob lazily from side to side as Pinkie ambled back towards Ponyville.

In light of that, she managed a deep frown, which she hoped would at least convey how blue she felt as she plodded away from her friends.

Rainbow Dash's jaw dropped as she watched the party pony walk away from the promise of a perfectly-delicious cake.

Did you mean to put blank lines between these paragraphs, rather than just simple paragraph breaks? I'd advise against that, but I guess you can do that for emphasis if you really want.

It's Pinkie Pie, she'll understand, just like always...

I thought it was odd, that's why I asked whether she'd spoken to you, and she shook her head.

But it was made now, there was nothing she could do about that.

Bouncing up and down and waving her hooves eagerly towards the upcoming cliff wall did absolutely nothing to alert Dashie, it only brought a confused look to the pegasus' face.

Don't move, I'll go get help!

Have you ever heard of the semicolon, ;? The commas here following "Pinkie Pie", "odd", "now", "Dashie", and "move" ought to be semicolons, since there is a complete sentence on each side of each comma.

“I think,” she said slowly. “That your perfect plan just went up in smoke.”

Did you mean to write "slowly. “That" instead of "slowly, “that"? A full stop instead of a comma is an awfully long pause.

Dash opened her mouth to throw a snark comment back at the smartflank unicorn, but held her tongue.

I was under the impression that "snark" is a noun—shorthand for the noun phrase "snide remark"—and that "snarky" is the adjective you should've used in its stead here.

The tried desperately to think of a way to explain.

They.

Her wings locked up, her teeth gritted, and she laid flat against the wall like a pony pancake.

She lay flat.

2679070 :yay: Grammar!

So why is the second of these pairs of dashes followed by a capital letter?

Nice catch, thank you!

...if you begin the second part of the line of dialogue with a capital letter and you end the action interrupting the dialogue with a full stop, what's the point of putting an em dash at the start of the second part of the line of dialog?

I like the taste better :twilightsmile:

Did you mean to put blank lines between these paragraphs, rather than just simple paragraph breaks?

Yes, it's to emphasise the change in viewpoint from one character to another.

Have you ever heard of the semicolon, ;?

cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/32332377.jpg

...Okay, yes I have. But I don't use it. Nor colons - they're both for science or formal writing only, in my opinion. EDIT: Whether that's grammatically correct or not.

Did you mean to write "slowly. “That" instead of "slowly, “that"?

Actually, I didn't know we were allowed to do that. But now I know for future, and it does work better like that. Thanks!

"snark" ... "snarky"

You're quite right, but I have a tendency of overlooking things like that if I think it makes the sentence flow better.

They.

She lay flat.

Thank you, and thank you :scootangel:

2684384
Thank you very much for knowing what you're doing. Consciously making your own grammatical rules and consistently sticking to them is admirable. If you think a grammatical rule is illogical or will give the reader a bad taste, then hell, yeah, don't follow it! That's what I do:

"But I'm gonna need everypony's help" isn't a new sentence; it's a continuation of the sentence Dash started with "I have the perfect plan".

The commas here following "Pinkie Pie", "odd", "now", "Dashie", and "move" ought to be semicolons, since there is a complete sentence on each side of each comma.

The prescriptivist thing to do is put commas and full stops inside, not outside, quotation marks, but I don't do that, yeah? You're rad; keep at it.

Actually, I didn't know we were allowed to do that. But now I know for future, and it does work better like that.

Actually, I don't think you're allowed to do that. And I don't think it looks better. I think that something like "Well. It shall be so." looks okay; "It shall be so." is a complete sentence; "That your perfect plan just went up in smoke." is not.

2619614
I get that. Yay nostalgia.

2685845 And thank you for respecting that :twilightsmile:

Actually, I don't think you're allowed to do that. And I don't think it looks better. I think that something like "Well. It shall be so." looks okay; "It shall be so." is a complete sentence; "That your perfect plan just went up in smoke." is not.

Yup, I agree. I meant that I didn't know we were allowed to have speech, description, then more speech in the same sentence...

“I think,” she said slowly, “that your perfect plan just went up in smoke.”

...like that. Not that it would've mattered if it looked 'off' to me, but when I get set in rules like that I tend to subconsciously overlook any funny-looking sentences that result from them.

I'm saying that your way, i.e. "she said slowly, "that...", looks better to me (not to mention that it's actually grammatically correct). So I'm adopting it. :pinkiehappy:

2628232 What are the two friendshipping fics you've read?

2729379 I've read lots of friendshipping, but the ones I was referring to - the ones in the style of episodes - were Night of the Werepony by Azure-Spark, and... well, to be honest, I can't actually remember the other one. Sorry :fluttershysad:

I'm sure I've read one though - it was just a really long time ago. It was probably a Gdoc, because I can't find it in my favourites.

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