- Member Since 13th May, 2012
- offline last seen Jan 30th, 2022
HoofBitingActionOverload
The sexiest man you've ever met.
HoofBitingActionOverload
Joined 13th May, 2012 ·
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Hmmm.... interesting. Somewhat cliche in a few aspects but then its hard to avoid those now a days. Still, as long as Dash doesn't break her wings and Twilight doesn't become an Alicorn we should be good.
Gotta say I do like what I see though. No grammar or spelling errors that I noticed, the plot and pacing seems to be coming along quite nicely, and everypony has been in character so far.
Good job! Will certainly be favoriting.
Good story so far, I will read more and I'd love to see more from you
Thumbs up.
Mr Cake getting all protective and trying to act tough? Oh god, that's a beautiful touch. Loving this.
Seems nice so far, I'll keep an eye on it.
Mr. Cake, tough man? Wow. And he almost called Pinkie his daughter, aww. This story is really good. How RD is taking everyones reactions the wrong way, the way you have characterized everyone, it's brilliant. I love it. Please update soon.
1120928
Yup, no matter how poorly I might do anything I else, I can always take comfort in the fact that I'm a good speller.
This was a very nice story! Nothing groundbreaking, but I liked it very much. Which is kinda strange, since I don't usually like "coming out" stories in the world of ponies (my personal headcanon is that sexual orientation can not be an issue in a society as inherently tolerant as Equestria).
If this was your first fanfic, as your profile seems to indicate, I really think you should write more - you've got talent!
I'd be all for Mr. Cake stepping it up a notch, if he hadn't made her cry.
You make a girl cry and you ain't no tough-guy, you're just a dick.
Points for trying, and it's a nice sentiment, but Dash would break him in the event of any serious retaliation. Moreover, Dash was clearly traumatized by the whole 'fillyfooler' thing, and something like that doesn't just go away overnight; if he honestly thinks there won't be a few lonely nights ahead for our favorite couple, his brain is made of frosting.
1123088
1123426
Why thank you!
1132048
It's the thought that counts, right?
1129006
This is my first, glad you enjoyed it. Onwards and upwards!
Well this was fun. The part that stood out the most was "I’m on a Boat but I Don’t Want to be on a Boat".
I agree with 1129006 that the coming out genre kinda doesn't jive with how I see Equestria at anyrate. Still, it had some very cute moments. Some of the dialogue seemed slightly off. The one that sticks in my head is Pinkie saying "obviously" instead of "well duh" or so.
>“Obviously, you sleep over like every night,” Pinkie responded, rolling her eyes.
But that's minor.
Look forward to seeing more of your stuff.
Eeyup, this was a good one! My favorite part was probably how protective Mr. Cake got and how he almost called Pinkie his daughter. That was really sweet. Seeing one-sided RariDash throughout the story was also interesting. I really do agree with Kits and Arrrg about the whole homosexuality thing, but that's a really personal issue and does nothing to detract from the quality of the story.
Anyway, you truly did a great job! Hope you'll write more RainbowPie in the future!
1140425
The fact that you took the time to read this story and then actually leave a comment, sort of made my entire week. You're such a great writer!
Fanboy outburst aside, yeah, it's always those little details that seem to get me.
1141912
And to think I was that close to taking that whole bit with Mr. Cake out at the last second, very glad I decided to leave it in. I love the RainbowPie ship, so if I was ever to actually write another fic, it would probably be more Rainbow Pie.
1141912
I'm torn. I really like RariDash as a concept. In fact, I have two ideas. One is List-like in that it's pure interaction based on show stuff that doesn't require anything new be created. One is almost Games We Play like. I'm torn because I have List's sequel infodump at 2 pages. I wish I could write all the fics :|
1143924
More Rainbow Pie! DO IT!
DOOOOOO IT!
Best ship need more shipping.
1144298 Hmm.. That actually sounds rather interesting. And a story which is (almost) like The Games We Play certainly sounds intriguing.
And yes, Kits, I also wish you could write all the fics ;)
1143924 I'd certainly love to see more from you! And as Kits said, the greatest ship in history requires more stories
Coming out story doesn't make much sense in Equestria, yadda yadda yadda. Anyway, I thought you did a really good job on this, aside from the coming out thing you were able to avoid most of the tropes that have started bugging me with mlp shipping, plus you wrote all the characters quite well. Keep on writing.
1174604
A few people have mentioned the whole 'coming out shouldn't be a problem in Equestria.' I'd like to mention that the only pony who seems to have any problem with Dash's sexuality in this fic is Dash herself. And she can hardly be considered a reliable narrator.
Anyway, thanks for commenting, glad you enjoyed it.
1177244
True but she still learned it somewhere, ultimately its easy for us to imagine it happening since there is still a stigma against it currently in the real world but there were societies and times where it was just as accepted as hetero sexuality. My take on it is that ultimately the reason we have the stigma is because of the big three religions and the fact that a persons first experience with anything related to homosexuality will probably be some moron yelling about it being immoral or a sin. I can't really see Celestia having anything against it, but then again it does make for a compelling story even if I don't see it making much sense, when its written well and you did a good job with it.
In short have a happy Pinkie.
I'm pretty sure this,
“I heard a sound at the window and I thought ‘Must be a tree’ but then I remembered that there are no trees by that window."
should say this,
“I heard a sound at the window and I thought ‘Must be a tree’ but then I remembered that Fluttershy said she would be at the library today."
Just thought I'd correct a simple error.
I kid, I kid, but it would be a very cool change! Great job so far!
1191649
I'll admit though, I laughed.
Juts finished the whole thing now in one sitting, here's a few thoughts I had bouncing around.
Nothing too original about the theme; it's a cute romance comedy ship between Pinkie and RD, but as far as comedy romances go this was a fun read. I liked that you managed to work in the entire cast as well, and their personalities became a great foil for the two stars. Especially Twilight, who's repeated blunt indiscretions is really the catalyst for the entire thing. Everyone was really in great form - and for some reason the image of Rarity attempting to impart romance advice to Pinkie while they waited in the barn was too cute.
If I would have liked to have seen anything done differently, I would have seen Pinkie make Rainbow work for her forgiveness near the end. Pinkie is head-over-heels for RD and she has a thin skin for rejection - having RD insult and embarrass her at a party that she was throwing just for her should have cut really deep.
That being said, I can still enjoy a light-hearted romance without too much drama, and this story accomplished that admirably. A good read and a thumbs-up over all.
1217457
Pinkie being angry with Dash is something I never really considered. She's always so bouncy and cheerful, even after watching Party of One and The Last Roundup, I still have a very hard time imagining her being upset with one of her friends.
Oh well, glad you enjoyed it.
“I can give you all the secs you need now, Dashie!”
I know I heard this exact joke somewhere.
Now then... what's going to happen to Rarity?
I'm on a Boat, and I Don't Want to be on a Boat, now in paperback!
Dammit, Pinkie
I'm on a Boat But I Don't Want to be on a Boat
I have an idea of what will happen next.
Rarity: TWILIGHT WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SO DIRECT!
Twilight: I WAS CURIOUS!
Rarity: GO HAVE SEX IF YOUR CURIOUS. BY GOD DON'T ASK PINKIE PIE ANYTHING!!!!!
Twilight: why?
Rarity: the fourth wall.....
Twilight: What?
Rarity: THE FOURTH WALL!
1248679
I think Rarity has found a good apple, if you know what I mean
1249054
Possibly! What I wanna know is... how will that work out?
Very nice, well written and a fun read. I especially liked Mr. Cake's part, gave me flashbacks to Mr. and Mrs. Cake's relationship with Pinkie in A Sweet Taste of Cake.
Have a thumb and a watch.
Wait, has twilight not asked tootsie flute about her moms? Or was she just that dense.
(Common fanon is she's lyra and bon bons daughter)
1249124
I actually was considering writing a RariJack semi sequel. Maybe I still will someday.
1248683
You're silly.
1249982
Why, thank you!
And oh my gosh, this reached a thousand views.
I don't even know how to react.
1248387
I'm certain I heard it somewhere else before too. But for the life of me, I can't remember where.
1248739
1248888
That is just perfect.
GO HAVE SEX IF YOUR CURIOUS.
1248813
That's no laughing matter.
1250492
I'm gonna go with she's just that dense.
1250580
Twilight: Oh hi Tootsie!
Ok. *beat* 
What?.... Ah well, its not important.
Tootsie Flute: Heya Twilight, whatcha doing?
Twilight: Great, actually. How is your mom!
Tootsie Flute: Well, mom is kind of angry with mommy, and mommy thinks that "There is nothing wrong with liking humans!"
Twilight:
1250580
No, you're right, involuntary navalism is a serious affliction that affects tens of ponies each day, and I should not make light of those who suffer from it.
*Long Review Warning*
Chapter 1:
I'm admittedly not an avid fanfic reader yet, and this is only the third shipping fic or so I've read. So I know that there's a ton of shipping fics, so I can't judge for originality, but as far as I can tell, this story does a promising job so far.
Good mature writing style, good varied sentence structure, and good vocab too. Good job setting the scene with Rainbow coming in for gift wrap, it builds up subtle tension very well and revealing her underlying hopes. I really enjoyed Fluttershy's consolatory dialogue, gives a real sense of her gentle empathy. The story also sets up nice mysteries for future chapters.
No major critiques. Twilight is a bit overly boorish for the sake of the story's advancement, but that's to be expected I guess. Only thing that stuck out to me -the book names at the start were too meta. "I'm on a boat but don't to be."
Good stuff! I write long reviews because I enjoy reading the stories.
I liked it. The grammar, the flow, the characterization, all pretty good. Thanks for the nice read!
I look forward to reading more from you. 
Trying soooo hard right now to avoid bursting out laughing as I sit in the college common area.
The implied Rarity crush is great and oblivious Twilight is always hilarious.
I liked the story overall but felt that the first two chapters were better. Yay implied Rarijack. The section at the end was good "stupid novels". Fourth unconnected sentence in a row.
Hey! Congratulations on the EqD listing. I doubt my contribution was the tipping point, but
Might have to take another peek at the revised version.
1251855
I'm very glad you enjoyed it!
1253374
If you'll allow me to self indulge, I thought the second part was miles ahead of the rest, and easily the part I enjoyed writing the most. A savory meat slapped between some stale bread and cheesy cheddar.
1253689
Now that I think about it, I really should have given you some formal credit somewhere. Your comments dramatically improved the fic. Sorry about that.
I never thought in a million years this was good enough to get past the EqD pre readers. I may or may not have jumped out of my chair and started dancing when I got the confirmation email.
1254192
We are all entitled to our own opinions (but you as the author are more entitled than the rest)
I feel bad that I didn't like it more, it seems like you poured your heart and soul into this story.
Very good story Equ-us. Please Create more of these... :D
Very good story Equ-us. Please Create more of these... :D
1254489
I don't know about heart and soul, but I did spend an absolutely ridiculous amount of time working on it. About four months or so (I'm very slow).
1254729
I'd love to write another someday.
Thank you!
This.
This was an asskickingly good story.
5/5
Okay, I absolutely loved this fic. Severly sleep deprived I allowed myself only one chapter before turning in, but in the end I couldn't put it away until I read it through. I kind of wish I hadn't already read it, because I want to read this over again. I loved the theme, and I loved Rainbow's characterization. An upvote, a favourite, and a "please write more!"