My name is Twilight Sprinkle, and my passion is donuts—from the delicate morsels I serve at elegant cocktail parties to the hearty pastries enjoyed by hard-working ponies who get up early. I don’t have friends, I don’t have books, and I sure as the sun don’t have any wings. I don’t care whether you’re here for revenge, for romance, or for a favor. My name is Twilight Sprinkle and I’m not who you think I am, so either buy a donut or get the hay out of my store!

(Edited by the mysterious the masked ferret.)

After overhearing a rumor that his friendship with Fluttershy means stallions are too afraid to date her, Discord swears that he will find her the perfect mate. Unfortunately Discord has absolutely no idea what a pony wants in their special somepony. Happily, he has many pony friends now that he can ask for advice, but no matter how much advice he gets, nothing seems to go according to plan.

Story commissioned by Spamotron.

Edited/proof read by Carapace, SilverWolfIMHP, and Lucasmembrane.

This is somewhat outside my usual comfort zone, I don't write a lot of comedy and I don't write a lot of Discord, but I had fun doing it, so hopefully you will have fun reading it.

Update: There is a NSFW "deleted scene" from this story in my new clop shortfics collection, Quickies. Feel free to check it out if you're into that.

Sunset Shimmer and Equestria’s own Princess of Friendship Twilight Sparkle have spent hours, literally hours, researching earth baby intelligence and have come to some startling conclusions regarding human Flurry Heart.

Cover art cropped from a piece by Calli-pi-zho.

Diamond Tiara has something to say to her entire family... and they're not going to be too happy about it. Especially a certain female parent of hers....

This should be fun.

FEATURED 30/3/17-1/4/17

NOW HAS A SEQUEL!! Diamond Tiara's Second Announcement: Better Luck This Time.

Herman always believed that ponies were an exceedingly friendly bunch, and he figured it was in their nature to be open and kind to all strangers—even to those of different races. But what if he was wrong? What if there was another explanation?

He mentions this fact in his memoirs, but shortly after he sends them to be published he is informed that the Royal Guard wants him for questioning in Canterlot.

Additional notes:
-Equestria Girls is not canon
Proofread by: Eckaji, Snakeskin Ducttape, Javarod, ROBCakeran53, and PresentPerfect
Artwork by: Ruirik
Featured on Equestria Daily
Review link: PresentPerfect and PaulAsaran

Jake, a new arrival to Equestria, finds himself roped into a high tea with Princess Celestia and a group of snobby nobles. The lunch is boring, the tea is boring, and the nobles are boring. Celestia gives Jake an out, and he takes it, braving a final conversation with one 'Lady Rarity' in the hopes that he can escape the whole boring affair and get a cup of goddamn coffee.

Inspired by the amazing cover art, by SunBusting.

Rated T for snarky language and witty banter.
The sequel to this story is now available.

Seven years. For seven years she was neglected. In that time, she was underpowered, defeated by a nag in the moon, defeated by an evil bug roach, a victim to tentacle vines, defeated again by the same evil bug roach as before, as well as many other slights and insults in between.

All she wanted was one episode of her own, one to show her glorious personality in all of its radiant glory. Unfortunately, it was not to be. Her impressive record as the longest living and serving monarch (now diarch, lots of love to dear, dear Little Luna), brokering peace and prosperity the likes of which no other nation could hold a candle to! Or a sun, for that matter.

Time to do something about that.

Princess Cadance, just like everypony else, needs some time of leisure from her many duties. While Shining Armor is taking care of their daughter, Cadance enjoys her lone trips to the nearby Nephrite Forest, where she can be away from all of her burdens and obligations for at least a short while.

She was simply destined to get mugged eventually, wasn’t she? Why not by somepony who takes his job very seriously.

Also available in Mandarin Chinese (translation by keplebletbett) and Spanish (translation by SPANIARD KIWI).

The Filly Guides believe in three basic tenets:

Love your fellow mare.

Do onto others as you would have them do to you.

No filly left behind.

And somewhere between those three would be the rule that any Filly Guide must have all their basic merit badges by the end of their first year. Then again, that rule may be written between the lines of the welcome pamphlet they hand out at orientation. Who can say?

What can be said is that out of all the little fillies of Troop Two-Oh-One, Tag-A-Long has just one scout short of just one simple badge. Easy-peasy.

Edited by: Chaotic Note, AlicornPriest

The third installment in Fuzzy's and Misago's shared Shipping Project.

Princess or villain, Cadance loves to hear Bon Bon talk.

Fuzzy and Misago ship mares like FedEx! Each of these will be published separately:
Sunset Shimmer x Berry Punch
Bon Bon x Cadance
Cherry Jubilee x Cheerilee
Celestia x Amira
Rarity x Chrysalis
Rarity x Celestia
Twilight Velvet x Cookie Crumbles
Aria x Fluttershy
Rainbow Dash x Nightmare Moon
Twilight x Sonata
Chrysalis x Flurry Heart
Luna x Sweetie Belle
Sugarcoat x Fleur de Lis
Sunset x Sonata
Ember x Rarity
Fleur x Photo Finish
Nightmare Moon x Chrysalis
Applejack x Adagio
Luna x The Mane-iac (Coming Soon!)