//------------------------------// // Chapter 4 // Story: The Donutier // by Hap //------------------------------// Chapter 4 I wasn’t sure what I was expecting when I went upstairs. I had the red cape soaking in hot soapy water, but I doubted if that fur dye would ever come out of the collar. Then again, if milk was enough to wash it out of her fur, maybe I could use milk to get it out of the fabric? I shook my head and turned the doorknob with my magic. Ravenclaw, um… McDarkwing? I couldn’t remember her name. But she was sitting on my couch. In my fluffy, fuzzy, lavender bathrobe. I sighed. She turned to look at me and rubbed her face before trying to smile. “I’m not a weirdo. And I’m sorry for trying to force you to come on a dangerous mission. It’s my responsibility, not yours.” I rolled my eyes and trotted into the living room, then plopped down into the big cushy chair that I’d pulled off the curb on trash day a few years back. Come to think of it… this was the first time I’d ever had another pony in my apartment. Why did I need extra seating? I guess it just felt better to have a chair off to the side of the coffee table. Which had never had coffee on it. I cleared my throat. “It’s not a dangerous mission. You’d probably just… get force-fed some cupcakes and get hugged more than you’re comfortable with.” She just kept looking at me. I guess she didn’t know what to say. Fuzzy terrycloth puffed out in a ring around her shoulders as she pulled the bathrobe closer around her neck. At least it looked like she’d scrubbed most of the fur dye out, and wouldn’t be staining my bathrobe. Her pale blue eyes seemed a much better match for her natural coat color, which was a pale greenish blue (bluish green?), though still stained with remnants of the dye. It looked like her mane would be a striking orange if it wasn’t for the leftover dye still subduing its brilliance. Without the excessive quantities of product in her mane, it fell in a wave around her shoulders and highlighted her eyes. She almost seemed normal. “I hope you don’t mind that I borrowed your bathrobe.” “I hadn’t thought about it beforehand, but since I invited you to take a shower, I guess it’s kind of expected, huh? I’m sorry it hasn’t been washed in, uh, a few weeks.” It almost looked like she was blushing. “It’s okay. You… you smell like frosting. It’s nice.” Well, there went that normal thing. I felt myself blush a bit. “I, um, I brought the binder,” I said, levitating it up in front of my face, “because it seems like you didn’t bother reading the executive summary in the first section.” She went back to just looking at me. I floated the binder over to her and continued, “Because you said, ‘when we locate her’ even though the summary has a map and photos of her castle in Ponyville. And her friends. And a list of villains she’s defeated, and her methods for doing so. And her habits, and likes and dislikes and a whole bunch of other stuff.” She took the massive scrapbook in her hooves. “Yeah, I skipped all that stuff and started with the ‘narrative.’ It just, you know, seemed more like a story.” “Well, that stuff’s in the front because it’s important, and—” “Why are you so obsessed with her, anyway? Are you her nemesis, or vice versa?” “I’m not—” Okay, I kind of was. “The problem is… Well, the problem is you.” I cringed. The binder still sat, unopened, in her hooves. “How am I the problem? You didn’t even know I existed until this morning.” “Yes, and a gaping hole in my life it was, before you showed up.” She glared at me, her eyebrows low and her lips pinched together. “Twilight.” “Fine.” I crossed my forelegs across my chest. “You’re not the problem, you’re just its most recent symptom. Everypony with a grudge to settle against Twilight Sparkle looks in the public directory or sees an ad, and comes after me instead. The same with suitors, and every pony who thinks a princess can help their business or their dispute or their disgusting personal problems. They all come after me instead of her.” “Oooooh.” She held up the binder, peeking over the top of it and grinning with her eyes. “That would explain why nopony in the cafe was surprised to see our ‘duel.’” “Yeah.” I pulled off my paper foodservice hat and folded it flat, then slapped it against my hoof. “It’s pretty much a daily occurrence.” “Well,” she said as she sat up straighter, somewhat less intimidating in my lavender-colored bathrobe, “it sounds like we have a common enemy, then!” A smirk crawled across my face as I leaned forward. “I thought you said she wasn’t your enemy?” She fell backward and slumped into the couch. “You know what I mean. We share a goal.” She sat up again, tossing the binder onto the other cushion of the couch. “You wish to be free of her… tyranny of… uh, mistaken identity. And I wish to claim my birthright, my destiny!” “Yeah,” I said, waving a hoof in the air. “The whole princess thing.” She lifted up one corner of the bathrobe and showed me her cutie mark. “The crown is my destiny. You can’t deny it.” It was hard to ignore. I sat up and looked closer. Her cutie mark was a very regal crown. It didn’t look like it had been stained with the fur dye at all. “I… I suppose not.” She nodded, her chin in the air. But when she opened her eyes, her shoulders slumped and she curled up on her end of the couch. It almost seemed like she was trying to get farther away from the binder. I sighed and got up out of my chair. “I have a big catering gig tonight, lots of cooking to do. If you help me out, I can tell you all about Twilight Sparkle, and you won’t have to read the binder.” “Really?” She sat up and smiled. “And then tomorrow, we can travel to Ponyville to take what we truly deserve!” “Eeeeeh,” I said as I fluffed up my paper cap and set it on top of my indigo bangs, just to the right of my horn. “Let’s take it one day at a time.”