Big News!

Diamond Tiara took in a long breath, and prepared to enter the dining area of her huge mansion. Being as Master Chef had made her mother's favourite dessert that afternoon, which consisted of lemon meringue pie (a sour and bitter dish, hmm, somewhat appropriate...) this would probably be as good a time as any to make the big announcement. Not that any particular moment would be ideal to deliver such an earth-shattering revelation, but basically it was now or never.

As for her father, he'd just returned from quite the exhausting trip to the new Changeling Kingdom, something about investing in their new line of colouring books. Not something she took much notice of, but at least it should make him slightly more placid in the fraught conflict that would surely follow the briefing. Besides, she always saw him as the more rational one of her parental figures, so hopefully he would not only accede to her wishes, but perhaps act as a moderate peacemaker. She didn't want the conversation to get too much out of control, not like the mini-riot that escalated when she returned home from the Crusaders cute-cenera a few years ago...

She swallowed deeply, while closing her eyes as if in a deep trance. Well, the time for procrastination is over. If I don't take this opportunity now, I'll have missed my chance. I've been plotting this delicate scenario in my head for weeks, and I have to make sure that everything is just perfect. Here we go...

Diamond swung open the double doors casually, not surprised at all to see her family already halfway through their first course. Spoiled Rich was seated at the head of the table of course, daintily nibbling on a grilled crumpet, while a small army of maids waited on the sidelines to catch any accidentally dislodged crumbs. If there was so much as one microscopic foodstuff particle discovered on the floor after the main meal had commenced, then their contracts could be toast in the morning. Which obviously the mistress never partook of for breakfast... cooked bread was strictly for the commoners, as they say (well, she said).

As for her beleaguered dad, poor old Filthy Rich didn't just have to tolerate the constant stream of demands from his high-maintenance bride, but also the pressures of being the boss of a multi-national corporation, a task which the wealthy stallion didn't even earn a respite from during his snack hour. As such, there was a spreadsheet covering the polished mahogany top like a makeshift tablecloth, and he hurriedly supped from a bowl of soup filled with croutons, eager to finish up quickly so he could reach his next big meeting on time. Or, to put it more bluntly, before his charming ladywife decided to take it upon herself to request exclusive access to his chequebook that warm day. After all, a hundred pairs of designer sunglasses in the Sapphire Shores range don't just pay for themselves, you know.

Randolph was the first to greet the teenager as she made her initial entrance, the veteran butler greeting his young ward with a friendly "Hello, Miss" and a fluffy raised eyebrow as she ascended to her chair. Having witnessed firsthoof the once-arrogant little filly who exploited him for his acrobatic skills blossom into a responsible near-adult who now even helped him with the dishes, he thought of her almost as a second daughter. That being the case, she knew this big decision she'd taken would hit him as hard as either one of her real parents, but that's the way it was going to have to be. This was truly the point of no return: Whatever happened next, was truly in the lap of the Princesses.

"My dear, did you wipe your hooves upon entry?" At first, Spoiled barely acknowledged her daughter as she crept in, a situation that was sure to change once everything was out in the open. "Vacuum Cleaner only swept it this morning, and I know how dirty they can get nowadays, what with those filthy ragamuffins you choose to associate with. I keep telling you they're no good for your reputation, but you never listen to me. Oh, what has become of the child I raised, with such care and attention?! You used to have such high standards, but now..." cough wheeze.

The mere thought of how the fruit of her loins had chosen to 'demean' herself by ignoring all of her teachings almost caused the distraught mare to choke on a stray piece of her luncheon, but fortunately one of the battalion of servants nearby had the presence of mind to slap her on the back, thus removing the offending object from her windpipe. Reports that the 'lifesaver' was actually aiming for her face were of course a complete fabrication of the truth, and would be strenuously denied by the accused.

"D-Darling, please bear in mind who you're complaining about..." Filthy glanced up quickly from his broth, while relishing a few precious seconds of silence as his beloved composed herself. "One of them is the sister of my oldest and closest business partner, another is the sibling of the region's top fashion designer and the last one is the adopted sister of the next captain of the Wonderbolts. Plus, they're all close friends with royalty, as well as connected in some way to the Elements Of Harmony, the six heroines who've saved the world more times than you've done a good days work. Maybe, if you want to climb the social ladder as you keep telling me you intend to, it might be pragmatic not to..."

"Oh, pish-posh darling! I'm aware of those, at best, tenuous links, and frankly I don't care!" Spoiled dismissed her husband's concerns with a simple wave of her hoof, while dabbing at the line of drool now hanging from her bottom jaw with a perfumed handkerchief. "The lengths those hooligans went to when they corrupted our first-born, running backwards through Ponyville to spread their corrosive message of 'friendship' when she was on the verge of reclaiming her crown as class president, I could never forgive! You saw them too, when we were hob-nobbing at that garden party, didn't you dear? It was an absolute disgrace, that's what it was! Nine years of hard work and training her to be the epitome of excellence, all gone to Tartarus thanks to a trio of troublemakers! How Miss Cheerilee gets away with such a lax regime in her classroom to encourage such a lack of discipline, I don't know. I'll have her head for this, you mark my words! Just you wait 'til the next governors meeting..."

All idle threats from the old gasbag, as usual... Diamond felt her eyeballs instinctively gravitate towards the top of her head upon hearing Spoiled's familiar spiel. There's no way they'd even consider removing the most popular teacher in school, in fact if you put it to a vote, I bet Mother would be the one kicked out of the building unanimously. It's only her marriage to my Father that keeps her where she is as leader of the board, and doesn't she exploit her position to the maximum...

Diamond suddenly noticed a trembling Filthy taking refuge directly under his spreadsheet. Whether it was due to the experience of listening to yet more pointless dredging up of the past from his wife during what was supposed to be a refreshing break in his busy schedule, or the little reference there from Spoiled of their daughter being the 'first-born', as if she'd insist they procreate once more so she could 'fix' the mistakes that were made with the rebellious teenager by having another foal, who knows. Whatever it was clearly terrified him, and so naturally Tiara decided that now would be the best time to make her 'big announcement'. Things couldn't get much more tense than they were now, anyway.

"Listen up!" The youngest equine in the room yelled in a commanding voice, perhaps taking a few cues from her abrasive mother. "I have something very important to tell you all today, and it would be nice to have a few minutes of quiet, please..."

Immediately, there were various reactions around the room, all revolving around what this unexpected declaration could be. The maids all huddled together, perhaps pooling their meager wages into some kind of betting syndicate. Spoiled ceased her non-stop yap to stare at her daughter with unblinking seriousness. Filthy poked an anxious eye outside his unfolded paper, almost as if testing the air to see if it was toxic. To top everything off, Randolph raised both of his eyebrows. That's when you realise, stuff is about to go down.

"I want everypony here to know, I have not reached this decision lightly..." Diamond surveyed all those gathered around her, as if trying to gauge an early response. "It's kept me up for many long, sleepless nights as I came to terms with who I am, and what I want to be. I hope, that by telling you all today, you'll accept my choice and come to terms with it in the long journey I have ahead. Your love and support would be invaluable, but whether or not you agree with my judgement, this is the path I want to pursue. For you see, I am..."

Of course, a frowning Spoiled had to butt in at this crucial juncture. "Are you about to tell us, dear, that's you're ga..."

Diamond stared her mother right down with a withering gaze. "...N-No, that's not what I was about to say, mother."

"Oh, thank Celesti... I mean, we'd cherish you however you turned out, sweetheart..." Spoiled swiftly wiped the single bead of sweat that trickled down from her brow, while chuckling nervously at some of the confused looks she was getting from those assembled.

"Glad to hear it..." Diamond sighed, not at all convinced by her mother's uncharacteristic display of parity. "What I was actually going to say, was..."

Dead silence.

One of the maids coughs.

A bird tweets randomly in the distance.

"...I am going to be a farmer."

A few more seconds of peace. Glorious, glorious peace. This was not to last, however. Here are some of the 'highlights' of the aftermath...

*Filthy Rich with his head in his hooves, wondering who was going to take over the family business now.

*Randolph twitching uncomfortably, as he speculated on whether he'd be put out to pasture in the near future if the young Miss insisted on 'roughing it'.

*And of course, saving the best reaction until last, there was the irrepressible Spoiled, who had to be restrained by each and every one of her personal attendants while screaming unintelligibly to her husband about "How she told him so" and that "Those (expletive removed) Apples are going to pay for what they've done."

Needless to say, Diamond Tiara didn't stick around for too long afterwards. She quickly exited the room to venture outside, where an old friend happened to be waiting at the front gate.

"Hi there, Di."

"Oh, hello Apple Bloom."

"So, how did it go? Did you tell them, yet?"

"Nah, I chickened out. You know how my mother can be. Anyway, it's April Fool's today, so I'm having a bit of fun with them first. They think I want to be a farmer... Hehe."

"Oh, Di! That's wicked!! So, how did they take the 'news'?

"About as well as you'd expect, Apple Bloom. Dad looked very disappointed, and I kinda felt guilty lying to him. He should check his calendar more often, though. As for mother, it was sort of fun seeing her on the warpath. I better tell them the truth by this evening though, or I fear she'll tear the place apart."

"When you say 'tell them the truth' Di... do you mean about the prank, or that you're gay?"

"Both, Apple Bloom, both. Now, how's about we escape to Sweet Acres together, for a nice, peaceful game of Monopony? I think I need it, after what I just witnessed."

" 'Nice and peaceful' my yellow patooty! You always play as if your life depends on it, and you always win. You buy up everything decent, from the Castle Of Friendship to Sugarcube Corner, and just leave me the rubbish stuff, like Cranky Doodle's shack!"

"Just the business mogul in me, I guess. I can't help my genealogy, can I? Tell you what... as a peace offering, I'll let you be the haystack this time."

"So, I can pick the counter that represents the rural, working pony. How terribly predictable and stereotypical of you, Di. I am disappointed. Anyway, they removed that piece in the last update."

"Really? What did they replace it with, Apple Bloom?"

"A silver spoon, I think..."

"Well, it looks like my bestie's letter writing campaign to the company that manufactures it finally paid off. Or maybe, she paid them off, who knows? Either way, she's got her wish."

"Who makes that dumb game anyway, Di?"

"I don't know, Apple Bloom, I can never think of the name. And wash your mouth out... it's nothing less than the greatest game ever!"

"Only 'cos you never lose."

"Isn't that why you love me? Because I'm such a winner?"

"Well, it clearly ain't for your modesty, Di. Though, I must admit... you do have other qualities."

"Why don't you tell me about them on the way to the farm, Apple Bloom? And when we get there, I'll even let you cheat at the game, if you agree to play..."

"You mean... if I say 'Oh look, there's Derpy doing a loop-de-loop in the sky', you'll turn around for a second while I grab a hoof-ful of bits from the bank?"

"You got it, sweetie."

"That's a deal! Did anypony ever tell you what a great negotiator you are, Di?"

"It's a good start Apple Bloom, but my fragile ego needs to hear more shameless flattery. For instance, you forgot to mention my..."

And at this point, we leave our love-struck teenage sweethearts, as they whisper sweet nothings into each other's ears and disappear over the horizon, even exchanging a little kiss as they fade away.

Author's Note:

Like all the meta-humour at the end? giggles