At her coronation after-party, Twilight gets a little freaked out at the prospect of growing into her new life, especially one specific aspect of it. She knows better than anyone that talking her problems over with a friend can help tremendously, but she doesn't have many friends with whom she'd be comfortable talking about this particular problem, let alone ones who would really understand what she's going through.

...unless she broadens her definition of "friend."

Now with a reading, courtesy of PresentPerfect! Go check it out, if you're so inclined.
Ahora en español gracias al maravilloso trabajo de SPANIARD KIWI!
(Now in Spanish thanks to the brilliant work of SPANIARD KIWI!)

Contains lots of Elder Scrolls stuff. If you don't have at least heavy knowledge of the game series, you'll only get confused. But that might happen either way, won't it?

Why just chaos when you can add madness to the mix?
Maybe you're worried about the two's many tricks?

One's insane, the other's a loon!
Which one is which? We won't find out soon.

How will the world handle this mess, this calamity?
Not even the Elements can contain this amity!

Luckily for you, but rather unfortunate for all,
This meeting soon turns into a brawl.

Chaos and madness, an explosive mix,
Sheogorath and Discord, the gods of tricks.

2+2=5
Celestia knew, Celestia always knew the truth, so it had to be true.
Twilight trusted her, didn't she?
And fillies always grasp to truths, to their heroes, and drink in everything life throws at them.
So two and two make five.

When your life is a stack of suckcakes covered in angst syrup and the world turns its back on you after it kicks you into a puddle of hate toast with rejection margarine and the marmalade of loneliness and your parents are completely and totally dead, being a brony can seem meaningless. God, I'm hungry now. Sometimes all we need is a horse -- a great big one -- in a cardboard box to reinforce our own self-imposed martyr complexes.

A parody of My Little Dashie, in case you couldn't figure that out. Read by Illya Leonov!

See what actual, living bronies are saying about My Full-Sized Goddess Horse!

"This is a stark commentary on the self-destructive and delusion-wracked nature of Major Depression, as well as the ephemeral routes of mental escape in which one finds some momentary relief from the endless downpour of despair and hopelessness they experience with this disorder." -Cupcakes

"Vulgar." -Mystic

"This is an actual, for-real quote from ROBCakeran53, author of My Little Dashie." -not ROBCakeran53

"I don’t think this story is fit for Equestria Daily, nor do I think that it will ever be acceptable." -Equestria Daily Pre-Readers

"You truly have a proper grasp of diction!" -MallaJong1

"...My Full-Sized Goddess Horse is a fundamentally entertaining, messageless tale with impeccably-crafted prose." -Amit

"This is the best use of unreliable narrator I've ever seen on fimfic! " -ocalhoun

"...you should probably not smoke as much weed as you did that day." -Lesolan

Reviewed by the actual, for-real Seattle's Angels!

Being the mayor of Ponyville is not easy, not when you have the Elements of Harmony and the Cuite Mark Crusaders always causing trouble. Mayor Mare has a solution however, a Bachelor auction and Big Mac is the star of her little show. Follow Mac as he goes through his own personal hell, while the other stallions seem to be enjoying themselves!

Stallions on the Block: Big Mac, Soarin, Braeburn, Bulk Biceps, Prince Blueblood, Flash Sentry, Caramel, Thunderlane, Dr. Whooves/Time Turner, and Spike! Also two new ponies that you might be able to recognize.

Written by: Captain Unstoppable
Jake the Army Guy
Featured Story?! Thank you all!

Update: Since all of you have been debating the age, Jake and I have decided that the ages are as followed. Main Six are in their early twenties. CMC/Spike pre-teens 10-12. Mac mid twenties.

Thank you as always to jszellmer for the edits.

Thank you to KarmaDash for the idea bouncing along with Shrapmo as well.

Finally thank you mcwhale4 for the great cover art!

Also, here is what Auction has been like for Jake and Cap
Enjoy!

Hey there. Name's Discord. I'm the janitor at a high school. I clean up after bratty teenagers and the odd drama queen or two that turns into a demon and wrecks up the school. Ain't my job grand?

Birthday gift to my bro Skeeter The Lurker, a really rad dude everyone should check out!

Awesome art from the greatly talented ManiacPaint, who you should definitely check out for more good art!

On a dark night filled with even darker magics, an insane cult attempts to give Nightmare Moon a body and life of her own, utterly separate from Princess Luna. But, when the spell is interrupted by Celestia, something unexpected is created.

Now, a little black alicorn filly named Nyx finds herself living under the care of Twilight Sparkle, only to be haunted by memories and emotions from her past. Is she Nightmare Moon reborn or is she simply a doppelganger with a soul and mind of her own? Can Twilight Sparkle protect Nyx from those who refuse to see past her dragon eyes and black coat?

Or, will Nyx be forced to inherit the sins that may not even be hers and become the greatest evil Equestria has ever known?

Rainbow Dash's latest flying routine was interrupted by a sudden mountain, and Twilight can hardly sleep at night. No pony should be this excited to play with necromancy.

Edited by Deceased and JustAnotherTimeLord.

Cover art courtesy of pony-berserker.

Dramatic reading by WritingStylus

Polish translation by atom2004
Spanish translation by Spaniard Kiwi
Russian translation by NovemberDragon

NOTE: THE STORY IS CURRENTLY UNDERGOING HEAVY CHANGES. ONCE COMPLETED, NEW CHAPTERS WILL SUPPLANT OLD ONES. ONCE THE NEW CHAPTERS ARE UP, OLD CHAPTERS WILL BE MOVED OVER TO THE STORY "PONY NOIR: WHERE IT ALL STARTED" FOR FUTURE POTENTIAL READING.

UNTIL THEN, ENJOY THE STORY CURRENTLY WRITTEN WHILE THE NEW REDUX TAKES SHAPE.

While investigating a string of violent crimes in Canterlot, detective Gro'gar—a pony of sordid past and uncertain future—stumbles upon a conspiracy that reveals one of the nation's oldest evils is raising once again.

Now, together with a young Shining Armor and a former cultist filly much like himself, he'll have to uncover the terrible truth before the shadowy cabal makes its next deadly move in their bid for control. What he uncovers—and the battles he subsequently wages—will test his resolve, integrity, and very nature. After all, monsters are not born. Monsters are made. Not even Gro'gar is safe from this fate

When you have three immortals in one room, what would happen? Apparently an epic debate with random prophecies that will affect the foundation of Equestria forever.