Ponyville Bachelor Auction

by Captain Unstoppable


Chapter 6: The Secret Talents of those Stallions Part 3

Chapter 6: The Secret Talents of Those Stallions Part 3

“That was beyond impressive, Flash Sentry! An incredible performance, and a true testament to the Earth pony style!” Carrot said, his voice once again amplified by the microphone. Flash took one final bow and exited the stage, a light blush covering his golden fur as he did so. “Now then, it’s time for our last Royal Guard member for tonight, or at least former Royal Guard member.  Please welcome back to the stage Shock n’ Awe!”

Shock n’ Awe strutted onto the stage, smiling widely to the welcoming applause. His red eyes were gleaming in the light as he took center stage and bowed.

“Hello, all you lovely mares!” Shock shouted out to the crowd, his voice loud enough that he didn’t need a microphone. “Now, I know there are some very special stallions here tonight. Some can sing, others can do fun tricks, and others can somewhat fight, but, I know what you all are really looking for. A big. Strong. Stallion!” At this, Shock got back on his hind legs and flexed his forelegs.

There were a few cheers from the audience as well as a wolf whistle or two to go with the flexing. Shock was definitely not a largely built stallion, but he still had some muscle and he knew how to show it.

“And how will you be proving this?” Fancy Pants asked.

“Yes indeed, Shock, and not all mares need a strong stallion. We can defend ourselves quite well.” Rarity’s words earned more cheers than Shock’s flexing had. The former Royal Guard laughed at this and fell back on all four hooves.

“Oh, I know mares can defend themselves quite well,” Shock laughed. “But can you really say that most mares haven’t dreamed of a knight in shining armor to rescue them?” There was low murmur in the crowd as Shock said this. Even Rarity was nodding her head slightly to his statement.

Not mares who are too awesome for that stuff!Rainbow Dash shouted above the crowd, getting a few cheers for herself.

“That might be true,” Shock said with a shrug, still smiling as he took center stage once again. “But then you mares have never see anypony like me before. Alright, boys! Bring it on out!”

At his call, Bulk trotted on stage, carrying four cement bricks. Spike soon followed with a plank of dark wood. Bulk got to center stage right in front of Shock and started to place the bricks in two columns of two as Spike placed the wooden board over the bricks before heading off stage with Bulk.

All the while, Shock had gotten back on his hind legs and was throwing jabs with his hooves. He threw them in quick succession and looked to be shadow boxing with some opponent, dodging invisible blows here and there. After a few moments of this, Shock got back on his hooves and walked up to the wooden board.

“This here is a piece of solid oak wood, a nice piece of sturdy wood one might use to build a house with,” the blue pony said, tracing his hoof over it. “Yep, nice and sturdy.” Then, in a flash, Shock had gotten back on his hind legs and held his right hoof above his head.

Fft!” Shock’s hoof broke right through the board as if it had been made of cardboard. The sudden cracking of the wood made several ponies jump as Shock just stood there looking pleased with himself. After a few seconds of silence, there was an eruption of cheers and applause as hooves clopped together for Shock’s demonstration.

“Please, not just yet; there is still more to this,” Shock laughed, holding his hooves up as he took a step back from the broken wood. “That was just a small demonstration. Any stallion in good enough shape should have been able to do that with their dominant hoof.” Shock looked off stage, and Bulk walked back on holding three planks of oak wood.

“This time, I’m going to do it with my left.” Shock laughed, an all too confident grin crossing his lips. As Bulk blacked the boards in front of him, Shock walked up to them and started to rub his hoof over them.

Fft!” In a blur of movement, Shock was back on his hind legs, and this time had his left hoof raised over his head before smashing it into the planks of wood. Just like before, Shock’s hoof smashed through all three planks of wood with what looked like little to no trouble. Splinters of wood went in every direction as the ends of the planks fell onto the stage floor, which looked to be made of same material, with a thud.

Again, the cheers broke the silence of the night as Shock brushed some of the splinters off his left hoof.

“A splendid demonstration of strength!” Fancy Pants said, as he gave a polite applause to Shock. “I will have to give it a—”

“Now why do all of you still think I am done? I will tell you when I am,” Shock growled as he kicked a few of the broken planks behind him. “I just got one more thing to break for all of you, so just hold it in for a bit,” Shock started to move the two columns of cement bricks together, as Bulk came out with one more brick.

“Now, to show you all how strong I really am. I am going to break this cement brick!” Shock shouted, getting a few cheers in the process as he did so. As Bulk left the cement brick for him and walked off stage, Shock just kept on grinning. “Now then, let me show you mares what Royal Guard Special Forces and private contracting does for a stallion,” he laughed, giving a wink to the crowd.

He then closed his eyes and let out a slow breath, placing his hooves together in what almost looked like a silent prayer. The crowd seemed to lean in as Shock prepared himself, holding a collective breath to see this last feat of strength from the pony.

“Fft!” Shock had raised his right hoof into the air and brought it down upon the brick of cement with all his strength. There was only a dull thump as Shock’s hoof hit the cement brick and nothing happened. The crowd watched for a reaction, all faces glued to Shock as his red eyes seemed to be glaring holes into the back of his own hoof. His hoof trembled a bit, then…

“Mother Ducker! Son of a damn goat, that hurt! You Celestia damn piece of whale dong! You think you can embarrass me?! Shock n’ flipping Awe?!” The crowd broke into a fit of laughter, or gasps as such language as Shock held his hoof in his mouth as he glared down at the cement brick.

“Now, Shock, there is no need to—” Rarity's words fell flat as Shock had raised his left hoof and slammed it into the cement brick as well. The results were the same: a dull thud and the former special forces pony shouting in pain.

“Ponyfeathers! Horse Apples! Argh!!!” Shock kept on shouting in pain as he held his hooves in the air, trying to fan the burning pain by blowing on them. “You think you can defeat me! You have another thing coming!” Shock yelled in anger as he raised his head backwards.

“Shock n’ Awe, don’t—” Mister Cake’s warning came too late as Shock smashed his head into the cement brick. The brick stayed in one piece as Shock pulled his head back, this time his eyes were fully engulfed in rage. His right was twitching noticeably as he looked down at the brick.

“You son of a goat!”

Wham! Shock slammed his head into the brick again to no avail.

“Yew sounhafaggot!”

Wham!

“Yew shun fergur goot!”

Wham!

That time, the cement brick broke in half with the sound of a loud crack as it fell to the ground. Upon pulling his head back, a small trickle of blood could be seen coming from Shock’s forehead, but he was smiling nonetheless.

“Ya! That’s right! I’m in… in…. invinciple! I-I-I’m so happy…!” Shock sang as he started to stagger around the stage. It looked as though he had became intoxicated somehow as he staggered around in a large circle. “I-I’m a champ…” Before he could finish, Shock fell on stage with a thud and didn’t move.

For several long seconds, the crowd stared at the pony on stage. He didn’t look like he was breathing at all. There wasn’t even any raising of his stomach to indicate breathing or not.

“Is he dead?” a pony finally asked after what had seemed an eternity of silence. Pinkie bounced out of her chair and started to make her way over to Shock n’ Awe. She had a stick in her mouth that she proceeded to poke him with.

“Hmm…” Pinkie poked Shock in the side a few times. Shock didn’t respond.

“Hmm…” Pinkie started to poke his head a bit as well. Her face was contorted in concentration as she kept on poking the pony. Beads of sweat were starting to form and fall from her face as she did so. “Shocky? Shocky-Poo?”

Shock gave out a sound between a gurgle and mumble as Pinkie poked him in the head again.

"Wowie-zowie! Beating yourself unconscious is worth at least a carrot cake, right Carrot Cake?!" Pinkie shouted excitedly, a large grin spreading across her face, one much larger than should've been possible.

“Uh… I’m not sure Pinkie… but can we get a doctor or nurse up here, please?” Carrot asked the crowd as Shock laid unconscious on the stage, his head still bleeding.

“Those special forces sure are special, alright,” Tweak laughed as he trotted on to the stage once again and looked over the bleeding pony. “As much as I would love to laugh at your stupidity, you were a part of the Royal Guard, and all members of the Royal Guard are honor-bound to help a fellow Guard… even if they are an ass,” Tweak said in a low chuckle as he took the end of Shock’s tail in his mouth. He then dragged the unconscious Shock n’ Awe off stage, leaving a trail of blood behind them as Shock mumbled incoherently.

“Well, out of all the talents we have seen thus far, I have to say that was the most… interesting,” Fancy Pants stated, looking as though he was trying to find the right words. “Originally, I had planned on giving him a eight, but with that last part and the foal mouth I have to lower the score. I give Shock n’ Awe a five out of ten.”

“I will have to agree with you, Lord Fancy Pants. Though his beginning was impressive, when he lost his concentration and relied on brute strength and being stubborn, I have to give him a three out of ten,” Rarity said as she held up the number. “Really, what did he hope to accomplish?”

“That is a good question, Rarity, but you will have to hold on to it for later, because our next stallion is raring to go! Please welcome to the stage Caramel, and his good friend Eeyore!” At once, the spotlight fell upon Caramel, whose eyes went wide at once out of pure stage fright as every eye fell upon him.

Sweat ran down his muzzle as he looked left and right, toting a black case behind him along with a stool. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Caramel slowly made his way across the stage, dragging the stool behind him, making a horrible screeching noise as he pulled it. Several ponies covered their ears as he dragged it along with the black case behind him.

Getting to center stage, Caramel set the stool down before letting go of the black case. He started to fumble with the seals on the case as sweat visible from the spotlight that was still centered on him.  Looking up from behind the case, Caramel smiled ever so slightly as he grabbed something inside of it.

“Uh… thank you for coming out tonight. N-now I am not a pony of many talents, so, uh, please welcome a old friend of mine, Eeyore the Donkey!” At once Caramel pulled out a dummy from the case that looked like a old grey donkey with large bushy eyebrows, a heavily wrinkled face, fixed in a permanent scowl. At once, the crowd broke into a cheers and applause as they looked up at the dummy.

Caramel sat on the small stool and placed the donkey dummy on his knee as the crowd cheered and laughed. With his free hoof, Caramel was waving to the crowd while Eeyore scanned the crowd with a crossed look.

“Thank you! Thank you for that round of applause!” Caramel said, waving to everypony as they kept on clapping.

“That means you can stop it,  you bunch of freakin idiots,” Eeyore shouted, his voice that of a old man as he glowered at the audience. At once, the crowd went into stunned silence as they all looked up at the dummy, and then at Carmel who looked just as shocked as everypony else. Caramel then took an audible gulp as he pulled at the bowtie.

“Um, Eeyore, that wasn’t such a nice thing to say. I think you should apologize,” Caramel said softly, as if he was trying to whisper dummy and nopony else, but they still all heard. Eeyore looked up at Caramel, and then out to the crowd, before going back to Caramel.

“And why the hell should I do that?”

“Because what you said wasn’t very nice, and don’t use language like that. There are some young colts and fillies out there in the audience.”

“Those idiots brought children to this? Why should I be the one apologizing for bad parenting?” This time, a low rumble of laughter could be heard from the audience as Caramel and Eeyore kept their eyes locked on each other.

“It’s a family event to raise money for charity for the school and town. It was supposed to be a nice little show.”

“A nice little show? Mares are bidding on stallions for a date! And between you and me, I don’t think them mares are looking for a nice dinner date. They just want to get to the...” Eeyore looked out into the crowd, as if he was looking for something, his furry eyebrows scrunched together as he did. “You know, S-E-X.”

“Eeyore!” At this, the entire crowd broke into a fit of laughter as the duo kept glaring at one another, occasionally looking out over the audience before returning to their glaring match. After a few moments and the dying out of laughter Caramel began to speak again. “Look, just stick to the script, okay? It’s nice, funny, has some good lines in it, and—”

“Fine, fine, I get the point.” Eeyore grumbled, turning his head away and giving a snort. Caramel just gave a sigh of relief as he turned back to the crowd, smiling. “Your freakin idiot.” The crowd lost it again as Caramel’s face fell in dramatic fashion. Eeyore kept looking away as the crowd laughed, shrugging his shoulder occasionally.  Shaking his head in aggravation, Caramel put a bright, but forced, smile on his face as he adjusted Eeyore on his lap.

“So, Eeyore, I heard you just flew in from Canterlot. Is that right?” Caramel asked, as he made his voice sound more energetic.

“Ya, that’s right.” Eeyore replied, his voice emotionless as he looked around the stage. For a few seconds the pair said nothing as Caramel looked to Eeyore, the toothy smile on his face starting to fade as he looked to the donkey who just kept looking around.

“You just flew in right?” Caramel asked, nudging the dummy with his shoulder. Eeyore looked over at Caramel before giving a deep sigh and looked out to the crowd instead.

“The idiot here wants me to say, and my forelegs sure are tired, like a some idiot,” Eeyore looked up at Caramel and stared him right in the eyes. “I feel sorry for whatever mare decides to bid on you.” And once again, the crowd began to erupt into laughter.

“And why do you say that? I think I am a very good catch.”

“Really now? Remember that date you had a few months back? How did that go again?”

“Oh it was a perfect date! I picked her up right at seven, took her to a wonderful restaurant, and then—”

“She tried to drown herself in her soup. This guy here is so boring that she would have chosen death over listening to one his stories!” Eeyore shouted out to the crowd, who began to laugh at once. “You think I am joking? This guy is as exciting as Discord is sane. Try listening to him talk about how to plant seeds. Oh, you got to put them in the soil at just the right time, otherwise they won’t root on time and the harvest will be late,” Eeyore was talking in a accent that sounded like he was trying to be Caramel, his voice higher and sounding more feminine. “But you see I don’t really ever get to plant the seeds because I lose them all the time! Idiot…” Eeyore mumbled under his breath.

“Now she did not try to drown herself, she just fell asleep… while I was talking… But we are getting off topic! So have you enjoyed Ponyville so far?”

“Yea, I guess it’s alright.”

“The rolling hills, the lush scenery, the friendly ponies everywhere—”

“Three fillies bent on the destruction of all of Equestria.” The crowd burst into thunderous laughter as Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle all shrunk slightly. As this went on Caramel turned to Eeyore with a look of pure horror on his face.
“Now don’t tell me you're going to try to make fun of those three innocent fillies?”

“Innocent? Next to the Elements of Harmony, and I use that word lightly, they're responsible for more public destruction than a destruction crew. How hard is it to get a cutie mark nowadays? This guy got his by just running back and forth to get seeds,” Eeyore said, rolling his eyes and scrunching his bush eyebrows together.

“Now we all get our cutie marks at different times, we just need to wait and see what our special talent is, and won’t it be all the more special when they find out as friends what that talent is?”

“Knowing them, their talent will be mass destruction,” Eeyore mumbled, earning more laughter from the crowd.

“That’s enough, Eeyore! I will not have you make fun of three fillies like a bully! Now apologize to them right now!” Carmel shouted, as he pointed to the the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

“Fine, fine. I’m sorry.” Eeyore said, looking offstage.

“For?”

“Being mean to you.”

“That’s better, now thank you all for being a—”

“And that you have to listen to this idiot.” The pair looked at one another as the crowd broke into cheers and laughter. Many of the mares in the crowd had tears rolling down their faces, or were finding a hard time breathing do to them laughing too hard.

“Thank you for being a wonderful audience tonight! Good night!” Carmel shouted, as he and Eeyore bowed on stage, before putting the donkey back into his case and walking offstage, a noticeable skip in his step as the crowd kept cheering for him.

“Superb! Absolutely splendid! I might give up my role in politics to become a talent manager. This town is just exploding with untouched potential! A nine for the good stallion and his voyager donkey,” Fancy Pants said, clapping all the while as he held up his score with the use of his magic.

“Well, to say the least it was a impressive talent, but the jokes I felt were a bit too much. I am sorry Carmel but I can only give you a six,” Rarity held up her number. “If the jokes were a bit cleaner and nicer, I could see it being very impressive.”

All eyes turned to Pinkie for the final judgement. As they looked to the party mare, her eyes were wide and dilated. Her jaw was wide open, almost looking unhinged like a snake’s. A silence soon filled the stage as Rarity and Fancy Pants looked to one another as they looked at one another for help as the final judge stayed speechless and motionless.

“Um… Darling, is everything alright?” Rarity asked, nudging Pinkie’s shoulder. This only served to tip the mare over and crash onto the floor of the stage. Rarity gave a gasp, as both Fancy Pants and Carrot ran over to the downed mare. Whispers started to break out in the crowd as ponies leaned forward trying to get a better look at the fate of Pinkie Pie.

“Somepony get some water!” Carrot shouted, as Fancy Pants levitated Pinkie on to the table. Her expression hadn’t change during her fall, and was almost like a statue. “Fetch Nurse Redheart and Doctor Stable. We might have to have slight—”

Holy toledo! How did he do that?!” Pinkie shouted, as she sat up in a blur of pink and jumped off the table. “How did he do that?! How? How? How? Somepony tell me!” Pinkie demanded as she bounced up and down in a circle. “Was it magic? No! Carmel is an Earth pony! Did he make a pact with the Devil to do that?! No, he is too nice! How did he do it!” Pinkie turned towards the stunned audience, before jumping right into it and making a beeline toward her friends.
 
“Twilight! Twilight! Twilight! How did he do it?! You’ve got to know, you’re the smartest pony in the universe!” Pinkie tackled Twilight to the ground, the two of them rolling backwards a few circles till Pinkie had her pinned. “Was it cursed magic?! Or is Eeyore real! By Neptune’s beard! Caramel is keeping him caged in that case! Don’t worry, Eeyore, I will rescue you!” Pinkie jumped off of Twilight, but before she could get a running start an aura of purple surrounded her.

“Pinkie! Calm down! It’s called ventriloquism, Carmel is a ventriloquist, he is able to throw his voice,” Twilight said calmly, as Pinkie kept trying to run back on to the stage, her limbs flailing in the air.

“No way! That wasn’t Caramel’s voice! Here I come, Eeyore!” Pinkie shouted, her limbs kicking back and forth.

“A ventriloquist can change their voice as well. It was all part of his act; Eeyore isn’t real,” Twilight said, sighing slightly as she held Pinkie. “Now you need to calm down. You can ask Caramel about it later.”

“But Eeyore is in trouble now!” Pinkie shouted, now looking like she was attempting to swim out of the aura that ensnared her. Twilight blew out an aggravated breath as she looked up at her friend.

“Pinkie is going to be on a bit of a time out. Please continue the show,” Twilight said, forcing her best smile forward as a gag and straight jacket appeared on Pinkie Pie, effectively silencing her.

“Er… alright then,” Mister Cake said, pulling at his bowtie and looking to the other judges for help. Rarity just sighed dramatically as she leaned back in her chair and placed a hoof over her forehead as Fancy Pants just shrugged. “Well, without further interruption, please give it up for Time Turner!”

The crowd broke into thunderous applause erupted as Time Turner started to trot on stage. He was pushing a small cart draped in a red cloth. On top of the cloth, something glittered in the light on stage as he moved across till he reached the very middle of the stage.

“Hello to all out there! As you know, my name is Time Turner, and I find time to be one of the most fascinating concepts in all of science. For time is always moving forward, never slowing down, and always, always changing.” Time Turner made his way behind the cart and looked down at it. “Now, I could explain this concept to all of you, but I am afraid I just don’t have the time, nor would most of you understand what I am saying except for Princess Twilight Sparkle. So instead I will be showing you all one of my little hobbies: watchmaking.”

Time turner spread his hooves across the cloth and smiled as he held up small gears. “This is quite a delicate art, to put a watch back together in the perfect sequence that when you are done it still works.”

“So you will be putting a watch back together for us then?” Lord Fancy Pants enquired, as he leaned forward a bit to get a better look at the watch that was being repaired. Time Turner gave a chuckle as he looked down at the watch and then back at Fancy Pants.

“You make it sound so simple, but yes I will be putting a watch back together. However, I shall not be using my hooves or…” Time Turner reached for something on the cart and lifted it into the air so all could see, “the use of my eyes.” Time Turner proceed to blindfold himself with a green and white handkerchief, a smile ever present on his face as he did so.  

“Oh my, but how will you be putting it back together then?” Rarity questioned, she was now leaning forward, trying to get a better look as well. Time Turner once again just chuckled as he leaned forward to grab something from his cart.

“Simply with my… motuh!” Time Turner looked back at the audience now having a pair of tweezers in his mouth. He held the tweezers half way down, to allow the most control possible. He then looked over at the judges, still grinning like a mad stallion and seeming to enjoy the challenge a bit too much.

“An' t add a wit moe challange, a hime limit! 'ord Fanct pants, kin you set yo watch fer fhree min'uts?” Time Turner asked, his words muffled by the tweezers in his mouth. The crowd whispered to one another as Time Turner turned back to the cart and leaned forward a bit, as if he was getting ready for a race.

Fancy Pants looked at Time Turner with a quizzical look, before pulling his own pocket watch out of his coat. With his magical aura surrounding the watch, he watched the second hand move closer to the twelve. “In 3… 2… 1… Begin!”

At once Time Turner go to work, leaning forward and started to pick up the small gears off the table and placing them in a order that he had seemed to master a long time ago. No move he did seemed to be a guess, or a waste of energy of any kind as he moved with a speed and efficiency that only a master watchmaker could have.

“As hrd ‘s tis loos it is acttualle quie simle. Yous haf to appi the algoihm that one wo’ use t sove a rubucsk cube bu’ change ou’ fhe vaiabuus one tis using. You simpl’ ned’ to emagin the hawth as a furth himenshnal iteem, ut’ inhead of aparlethal o’ hays to sove the prabem fer’s ony one to maethe hatch wor corhectly. Tis a’ coms hown to a simly mauhmatica teroeis uon whih uns nees to make the coherct ajuhmens at em ight’ ime.”

The crowd was silent as they listened to Time Turner as he worked, none of them understanding most of what the pony had to say. This did not seem to be noticed by Time Turner as he kept on working on the watch, now humming a soft tune, or trying to at least with the tweezers in his mouth.

“Wh-what did he say?” Rarity questioned, looking at Time Turner.

“I do not know Lady Rarity,” Fancy Pants said, looking down to his watch from time to time. “But he is running out of time.”

“Oh! I know what he said!” All eyes, except for Time Turner’s, turned to the voice only to find Pinkie Pie back in her chair. Rarity looked over to where Twilight was, only to see she was in as much shock as she was. A purple aura was still floating above Twilight, but the only things inside were the gag and jacket.

“Pinkie, how did you get out of there?!”

“Get out of where?”

“The… oh forget it,” Rarity sighed, facehoofing herself. “But you understood what he said?”

“Of course silly! he said ‘As hard as this looks it is actually quite simple. You have to apply the algorithm that one would use to solve a rubik's cube but change out the variables one is using. You simply need to imagine the watch as a four dimensional item, but instead of a plethora of ways to solve the problem there's only one to make the watch work correctly. It all comes down to a simply mathematical theory upon which one needs to make the correct adjustments at the right time.’ Why? Did you not understand him?”

“And do you understand what that means?” Fancy Pants interjected, his eyebrow raised as he looked at the pink mare, his face of that of utter astonishment. Pinkie stuck her tongue out as she scratched her chin. She was looking up at the sky, one eye closed as she sat there thinking.

“Nope! But it sounded cool, and super duper smart!” Pinkie laughed as she turned back to watch Time Turner.

Fancy Pants’ jaw was agape as he looked at her, his mind trying to process what had just transpired. As he tried to form words, a white hoof shot in front of him.

“Don’t ask… none of us understand her and we’re her best friends,” Rarity sighed, turning back to Time Turner as well. “It is just better to let it go and concentrate what is important.”

As this went on, Time Turner had never once stopped what he had been doing. He moved as if he was a skilled surgeon, performing a operation  he had done hundred of times before. He didn’t even seem to be nervous about the time, as he kept placing parts back into the watch.

“Ten seconds left,Time Turner,” Fancy Pants announced, looking down at his watch. The brown stallion didn’t even seem to register this fact, as the kept working at the pace he had been going the entire time. A grin still visible on his face as he picked up the small gears.

“10… 9… 8… 7…” the crowd started to chant, fixated on Time Turner as he kept working. “6… 5…4… 3—”

“Finished!” Time Turner shouted, as he dropped the tweezers and picked up the watch. He placed his ear to the watch, to listen for the subtle tricks of the second hand. His blue eyes seemed to sparkle as he heard what he had wanted to hear, as he clicked the watch open. “Seems to be operating as it should,” he laughed, before tossing it over to Fancy Pants. “You watch is actually about five seconds fast. I can fix that for you after this,” he said, as he gave a deep bow to the audience.

“Bravo! Maravilloso! Simply splendid!” Fancy Pants cheered, as he looked down at the watch Time Turner had put together, and his own. “The time is correct, its working smoothly, and there is not a single scratch on it! Good stallion, I will be bringing my watches to you for now on!” Fancy Pants exclaimed, all earlier confusion of Pinkie Pie gone as he examined the watches. “Ten out of ten!”  

“No Gentlecolt is complete without a watch, it is simply common practice. As for your talent I must say it was extremely impressive. I shall go with a nine out of ten.” Rarity added, holding up her score as she leaned over to get a better look at the watch.

“Ohhh!!! That super neat-o! A pineapple upside down cake for you!” Pinkie shouted, using a drawing of the said cake as her score. The crowd cheered in their approval of the scores, all the while Time Turner bowed, a grin of pure delight on his face. As the crowd kept on cheering, Time Turner made his way off stage, taking the steps down where all the other stallions were.

“That wasn’t so bad. They’re eating right out of our hooves,” Time Turner laughed, passing Mac on his way down the stairs. As he passed he did not notice how much Mac was shaking. Sweat was running down his muzzle and neck.

Everyone else had already gone, and all had talents that were far beyond anything he had to offer. Looking over his shoulder he had a large log he was going to lift a few times to show off his strength, but that was it. Behind him, Mac could see all the others stallions that had gone before him, and all had much greater and grander talents than he had to offer.

“Now, put your hooves together for our last stallion for the talent section! Please welcome back Big Mac!” The crowd broke into a frenzy at the name as he stood behind stage frighten beyond belief. His hooves were shaking uncontrollably as he looked back and forth as if trying to find a way out.

Big! Mac! Big! Mac!” A chant erupted from the crowd, as the mares waited for him to appear, to see the stallion that so many of them had been wanting to see. This only served to make the large stallion to take a step backwards, fear controlling his every move.

“Don’t make em’ mares wait no longer cousin! Go out there and show em’ why us Apples are the best stallions all of Equestria!” Braeburn laughed, coming up behind Mac and giving him a hard shove onto stage.

The crowd erupted the moment the large red stallion stumbled onto stage. Wolf whistles, cat calls, and every other call seemed to echo from every corner of the crowd as Mac appeared. Even Pinkie gave a wolf whistle before breaking into a fit of laughter. Rainbow Dash watched intently as Mac made his way to the center of the stage, but before he could make it all the way, she heard something she, nor any of the other girls, rarely ever heard.

“Aw damn it all,” A.J swore, as she shook her head, her eyes solely on Mac. “This ain’t gonna be good…”

“What? Why’s that?! Big Mac is going to kill it!” Rainbow Dash said confidently, as she watched Big Mac take the large log off his back and placing it right in front of himself.  

"He seems okay, Applejack. I'm sure he'll do just fine." However confident her words sounded, Applejack didn't quite like how her wings fluttered as she spoke.

“No he ain’t, can’t ya’ll tell he’s shaking?” Rainbow looked back to stage where the large stallion stood. To all appearances Mac looked like he always did, tall, strong, and his face was completely stoic. But soon it became visible to Rainbow, Mac’s right foreleg was shaking ever so slightly, and his eyes were occasionally darting back and forth.  

Soon the crowd started to calm down, as Mac just stood there, the large log still resting at his hooves. The large stallion shifted uncomfortably as he looked all the eyes that were just focused on him, waiting for him to do something. The silence became almost like a buzzing in his ears as he slowly bent over to roll the log onto his hooves.

“So, Big Macintosh,” Rarity said, “it seems the lovely ladies of the town are eagerly awaiting your performance.”

Oh, ya don’t say?! Mac’s smile was strained, but he held it.

“Tell us, what shall you be doing for your talent?”

Big Mac took a big gulp. “Well, uh... I-I was thinkin’ ‘bout what my talent is, what sets me apart from other stallions.”

“Your toned flank?”

“Pretty eyes?”

“Adoracute smile?”

“Uh... n-no.” Mac tried to swallow the lump in his throat, then continued. “Ma strength.” With that Mac got up on his hind legs with the log in his hooves. With the large log in his hooves he started to lift it up and down, with little to no effort. The veins in his neck and forelegs that were popping out told a different story about the log’s weight.

Cheers came from the audience at once as they witnessed the strength of Big Mac. They watched the strain of his muscles as he lowered the log, and then to lift it back up again with could only be called ease. Even with the veins popping from his neck, he wore the same stoic look, chewing on the sprig of wheat in his mouth.

For several seconds the cheers seemed to like a thunderstorm, giving the large work pony the reception they all thought he deserved, for he was the stallion many had come to see. But, as time went on and Mac kept lifting the log at the same speed, not saying a word the cheers began to die down. The cheers were then replaced by a wave of whispers.

“Is that all he is going to do?”

“That’s not too impressive compared to the others.”

“He doesn’t even come close to them, even Bulk’s poetry was more impressive.”

“Maybe I should bid on Time Turner instead.”

The whispers could even be heard on stage, for Mac’s eyes seemed to become more panic as sweat, not from hard work, but from nervousness started to coat his sculpted body. He kept on lifting, however, unsure what else he could possibly do.

“He’s losing the crowd! That’s not good!” Rainbow growled, as she hovered a few feet above her friends looking from left to right as mares stopped paying attention.

“He’s just too nervous to do anything. He has a horrible case of stagefright,” Twilight watched Mac as well, seeing all the textbook signs that Mac was experience such a terrible fate.
“Applejack, is there anyway we can—”
Mac! What’s ten plus fifteen, minus three, times three!” Applejack shouted above the crowd.

“Sixty-six”

“How about twenty eight times forty three, divided by four?!” AJ yelled out, a smug grin forming on her face.

“Three hundred and one.”

“Them be the right answers, Twilight?” Applejack asked, facing the princess with a look of victory on her face. Twilight seemed to be in a trance as she did the problems in her head.

“He’s right!” Twilight shouted, to the gasps of many ponies around them.

“That’s right Ponyville! Ma brother can do any problem in his head without thinkin’ about it! Go right ahead and ask em’! He’ll know the answer like it was written up in the sky!” Applejack boasted, pointing a hoof up at Big Mac, who didn’t even seem to register what was going on. “And Princess Twilight here will be doin the problems as well to see if she gets the same answer! So come on one and all!”

Five hundred plus three hundred times five!

“Four thousand,” Mac said simply, his eyes still having a bit of panic in them.

Seventy seven plus one minus four minus seventy cubed!”

“Negative two hundred and seventy six.”

Ponies continued to shout out questions in quick succession, as Mac answered them one after another without much difficulty, almost as if the answers were being held up somewhere in the crowd. Even with all the success that seemed to be following him, Mac still looked panicked as before.

“He seems to be doing than before, but he still looks so scared,” Fluttershy said, watching the spectacle in front of them.

“Ah got a solution ta that; Apple Bloom, come over here!” Applejack yelled, grabbing the attention of her little sister and her best friends. As Apple Bloom approached, Applejack met her halfway and bent down so she was whispering in her sister’s ear. A large smile broke out on Bloom’s face as she ran to her friends, whispering whatever Applejack had told her. Like their friend, huge smile appeared on their faces as the Cutie Mark Crusaders ran towards the stage.
 
“What did you tell them?” Twilight asked, having to raise her voice so she was heard over the crowd that was still shouting out problems to Big Mac.

“Just wait an see, Sugarcube,” Applejack said, watching as the Cutie Mark Crusaders running through the crowd before splitting up. Bloom had turned towards the tent where the stallions were, while Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle had made their way onto the stage.

The two young fillies crawled up onto stage and went straight for Big Mac, as he counted to give answers in his mortified state. He didn’t seem to notice the two young fillies at first, until he lowered the log once more and they both jumped on. The added weight didn’t seem to phase Mac as all since he lifted it right back up with no sign of difficulty.

“Hey Big Mac, what is four to the third power, divided by two, plus fifty five?” Sweetie asked, as she was lifted up and lowered over and over again.

“Eighty seven” Mac responded, not seeming to have noticed that he was now lifting her and one of her best friends.

“How fast would Rainbow Dash have to go if she wanted to make it from Cloudsdale to Stalliongrad in under ten minutes?” Scootaloo questioned, her wings buzzing with excitement.

“Seven hundred and seventy miles per hour,” The answer just rolled off of Big Mac’s tongue as if he had done the math a thousand times before. The audience gave a small amount of cheers as Big Mac kept going, but a hush soon fell over the crowd as two figures flew onto the stage in a blur.

Each came flying in on either side of the stage before they performed a small loop landing on each side of the log; landing next to Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. It was Soarin and Thunderlane, two fully grown stallion sitting on either side of the log. The added weight didn’t seem to give Mac difficulty as he kept on lifting, answering questions from the audience.

“Tell us Mac,” Soarin began, scratching his chin as he tried to think of a problem, “If I was to eat five apple pies in one sitting, how many laps around the Wonderbolt stadium will I have to do to burn them off?”

“A hundred and thirty three.” Soarin gave out a low whistle as cheers came from the audience.
 
“How about this, what thirty-three times six, times five, plus one times two plus twenty times four?” Thunderlane asked, as he kept one hoof off the ground, that was wrapped in bandages.

“Eight thousand and eight” A few laughed emanated from the audience from those who understood the joke, while other just applauded the stallion strength and mind.  

With each rep of his forearms, the world got a good look at how strong Mac was, as his biceps tightened and relaxed with each movement. A sheen of sweat could be seen upon his brow as he kept on working his strength. The sweat was not just restricted to his forehead as it moved down his coat, highling this muscle for the mares to see and swoon at. All the while the questions did not stop coming, everypony wanting to see how far the stallion could be challenged.

“I say dear fellow,” Time Turner interrupted, as he trotted back on stage. “I would like to ask a question of my own if you don’t mind. What is the function ‘F of x’ equals three x to the fourth power minus four x to the power cubed plus x to the second power squared plus x plus five. When substituting one for x?” The crowd turned to Time Turner, man of them scratching their heads, jaws dropped, or their eyes going crossed.

“F of what now?”

“I hated algebra when I was school! Numbers and letters should not go together!”

“How do you cube something?”

The crowd broke into commotion as they questioned one another, trying to figure out what Time Turner had even asked. Several had taken up writing the problem in the dirt, trying to figure out what was said and even how to start it. Others seemed to be trying to recall memories of school, trying to remember those horrible math classes and the problems they would never use.  

“Three.”

That simple word made the entire crowd stop with their own attempts, and turned back to the stallion on stage. The Pegasi and two fillies, sitting on the log, looked down at Mac in awe as he just kept on lifting them up and down, seeming to have had just thrown out a random number.

“I-is he right?” Fancy Pants asked, his eyes widen and jaw slack while his monocle fell from his eye as he looked at Big Mac before looking over to Time Turner.

The tan pony just stood there, a thin smile on his lips as he looked to Big Mac, as he continued to lift the log. “To solve that problem in your head in such speed is a gift. And for that I applaud you Big Mac, for that is correct!” Time Turner's smile grew as the applause from the crowd mimicked his own excitement.

“Look at em’! Their eatin’ right out of Mac’s hoof!” Applejack laughed, as she gave out a whistle to cheer her brother on. “After that little problem their is no doubt that Mac can solve any problem this crowd could—”

Mac! What's the first composite number,” Twilight shouted, “of the form two to the Nth power minus one, in which N is prime, but the number is NOT divisible by Two N PLUS one?!" Not a sound could be heard from the audience, as all heads, painfully slow, turned to Twilight, whose wings were fully extended and a large toothy smile was spread across her face, as stars formed in her eyes.

It did not take her long to feel the withering stare of everypony on her, and the intense and with killing intent glare coming from Applejack. Slowly, Twilight’s wings started to fold as a deep blush came over her face.

The hell Twilight!” Applejack shouted, stomping over to Twilight and glaring down at her. “Were supposed ta make him look good in front of everypony! Not throw him an impossible problem! The hell were ya thinkin’?!”

“I’m sorry Applejack… everypony else was getting into it and I just kind of… uh… want to try?”

“Wanted to try?!” Applejack repeated, her eyes full of furry. “Because of yer little stunt, Mac is not gonna be able to find himself a bidder! And all because ya wanted to try!” Applejack facehoofed as Twilight’s blush grew deeper as gave a meek smile. “Ah swear if yer were not a Princess Ah would buck ya so hard ya woudn’t be able ta—”

"Five hundred thirty-six million," Mac grunted, "eight hundred seventy thousand, nine hundred … and … eleven!"

Heads shoot back to Mac, who was still powering through his reps, looking as though he had not even answered the problem and was still demonstrating his strength. As soon as the stallion had been looked at they all turned back to Twilight, eyes filled with anticipation.

“He’s… right!” Twilight exclaimed, her face turning a shade of red as Mac’s coat. “He’s absolutely right!” she declared again, as she fought her wings from extending again. The crowd broke into a frenzy as Mac finally dropped the log on the ground, letting his added ‘weights’ climb off and return to either backstage or the audience.

“Unbelievable! Simply unbelievable!” Fancy Pants shouted, clopping his hooves together as he looked to Big Mac, as if he was looking at a piece of art that had revolutionized art itself. “In our modern age it seems that a pony has to choose to either be brawn or intellect, by you, you wonderful stallion! You have proven them all wrong! Not only are you smart, but you are stronger than any creature I have ever seen! There is no score I could give you to even bring justice to what you have done!”

“Jumping Jelly Beans! That was so cool!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, jumping from her seat and onto the table, bouncing up and down. “I have no idea what he just said but it was super cool! I failed math! All the pies for you, Mac!” Pinkie said happily, as she just bounced up and down shaking everything on the table.

Rarity just sat there, a calm and collected grin on her face as she looked at Big Mac with her clear blue eyes. “Really what did you all expect,” she asked, as she just examined her hoof.,“of Ponyville’s most Eligible Bachelor?”