Chapter 1: Take a Bite out of that Apple

Ponyville Auction

Being the Mayor of the town where the Elements of Harmony lived should be a very easy job. Having six of the most powerful ponies living there should mean protection, easy living, and tourism from ponies who wanted to meet them, meaning money coming into the town. It should have all been so easy, but Mayor Mare knew the truth: being the mayor of Ponyville was anything but easy.

It seemed like every other day there was some kind of disaster: changes in the weather that should have not happened, Diamond Dogs riding into town, and everypony in town falling in love with a doll! All of these emergencies could be traced back to the so-called Elements of Harmony, and each one cost the town a massive amount in bits in property damage. Then, as if they weren’t bad enough, there were the Three Fillies of the Apocalypse: the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Who knew that three adorable fillies could be so much trouble?

The combined efforts of these two groups had almost driven Ponyville into bankruptcy. The town was running out of money, and if Mayor Mare wanted to be re elected in the following election, she needed to find a source of bits without increasing taxes.
Sitting in her office alone, she looked over all the bills from the last few months of incidents that happened in Ponyville. One would think Celestia would be paying for all of this, but nooooo. The Princess—very conveniently, at least to her mind—seemed to have not noticed all the damaged done to town in the past few years. Mayor Mare had thought of writing to the Princess for help, but wouldn't that make her look like an incompetent leader? This was her town, she would find a way to save it!

But how?

With a groan Mayor Mare started to chew on the back of her pen as she looked outside her window. What would bring in the bits? Her eyes roamed across the ponies milling around Market Street, each spending money on baubles or produce of some kind—money she desperately wanted in the cities coffers. Do I simply ask for donations? No. That would never work; everypony would just assume another pony would donate their bits instead. Bake sale? No! That would involve Pinkie and the other Elements; that would just bring disaster and more bills! The Mayor groaned at this as she leaned back in her chair. There has to be a way. Just think! As she wracked her brain, her eyes once again looked over the town and all the ponies that lived there.

She was responsible for them; she needed to keep the town above water. She did not want to be the mayor that let the town go into debt under her watch. But where to get the bits was the question she kept thinking about as she looked out. As she did, her eyes focused on a certain red stallion that was pulling an impressively large cart of apples behind him. Her eyes locked on to him immediately, and a dopey smile broke out onto her face; like so many other mares in town, she had a crush on the handsome stallion known as Big Mac.

Walking over to her window, she glanced down at the stallion and smiled. Big Mac is a good nickname for him, she thought, observing the stallion’s large frame and effortless pulling of the cart. What mare wouldn't have a crush on him? Big, strong, piercing green eyes, strong, a gentlecolt, a heart melting smile, and did she mention strong? “What I wouldn’t pay to go on a date with him,” Mayor Mare said to herself, watching the stallion work.

The instant the words left her mouth, her eyes lit like a Hearth’s Warming tree. Ripping her gaze from the hunky stallion, she instead started to focus on the other ponies outside. A smile of pure delight crossed her face as she did so. Like her, many of the mares in town had stopped what they were doing and were sneaking glances at the stallion as he hefted bushels of apples onto the stand that Applejack was manning. The Mayor could tell that Applejack knew that mares were staring at her brother, as she would shoot a glare of pure ice at anypony she caught gawking for more than a few seconds.

Mac, on the other hoof, didn’t seem to notice, or if he did, didn’t care. He just continued to lug the weighty baskets like they were made of cloud, his massive muscles rippling and tensing. All the while, his trademark sprig of wheat never left his chiseled jaw. Once he placed the last basket on the stand, he simply nodded to his sister and started to trot away, not looking back at any of the mares who were following him with their eyes.

“This is perfect!” Mayor Mare shouted, bouncing on her hooves in giddy excitement. She could already see the bags of golden bits being placed back into the towns funds, all the unfinished plans and underfunded public works that could finally be completed. There might even be enough to build that playground that Cheerilee had been asking for as well! All she needed to do was get a few ponies on board and she would have enough bits to fund the town until the end of days.

Or at least until she was reelected.

Whichever came first.

“Gofer! Get in here!” Mayor Mare shouted, galloping back to her desk. As she pulled out blank paper and started to write, her office door flew open, and a light brown stallion walked in, a slightly off-put look on his face. He had a slightly darker mane, brown eyes, and a cutie mark of what looked like three letters—Mayor Mare never bothered to check which ones. The dark bags under his eyes spoke of long nights running errands for her.

“Mayor Mare, I keep telling you that’s not my name. My name is—”

“Never mind that, Gofer, I have a urgent mission for you,” Mayor Mare said, cutting him off as she wrote on the final piece of paper. She then walked over to her assistant and shoved the papers into his bag. “I need you to deliver these to each Element of Harmony within the hour. Go as fast as you can!” She turned back to her desk, but paused. “Oh, and on your way back, would you be a dear bring me back a latte and a muffin?”

“Um, I guess, but—”

She didn’t even glance back at him before walking back to her desk, organizing papers and filing them away. “Gofer, you’re a gem!”
“But... but my name, it’s—”

“Why are you still here? Scoot! Move! Go! I need this done now! Also, when you get back put on some coffee and tea, we will have guests soon so I need refreshments made,” she added, now looking back outside with a grin.

With a drawn out sigh, Gofer left the room with his head hung low as he went to deliver the messages to the Elements of Harmony. He murmured something on his way out, but it was hardly important.

Unless this “Ducking Fitch” pony was prepared to bid on some beefcake.

Barely an hour later, all six Elements of Harmony were sitting in Mayor Mare’s office. Twilight and Rarity sat in the two armchairs—made from the finest in Dromedarian faux leather, and absolutely not bought at the taxpayer’s expense—across from the one the Mayor sat in comfortably, while Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie all had to share the couch. Rainbow Dash instead sat on the large globe in the room. She spun around in lazy circles, muttering something about “wasting time in some stupid meeting.”
The note that Gofer had given them just told them to come to her office as soon as possible; that the mayor needed to discuss something of great importance with them. When they arrived though, the Mayor was no where to be found and Gofer just instructed them to take a seat inside.

“So, what do yall reckon she’s gonna talk to us about?” Applejack asked, eyeing one of the many paintings hung on the walls—again, most definitely not bought with public money.

“Do you think there is a emergency of some kind?” Twilight asked. “I can’t think of anything that happened today that was out of the ordinary, do you girls?”

“Oh! Maybe she is kicking us out of town because we cause so much damage!” Pinkie piped in. She had a large smile on her face for such a topic. “Then we would have to live like hobos! Jumping from train to train till we can find a new place we can call our own, then get kicked out of that town as well for damage!” Everypony blinked at her, but shook it off; it was normal for her to have these strange outbursts, but still, they were strange.

“Pfft, like they would kick us out! We are so much cooler than any other pony in town, with me being the coolest by far,” Rainbow said, still lazily spinning around on the globe. “Besides, we don’t cause that much damage... do we?”

“Well... there was that incident a few weeks ago when we tried to help the town’s irrigation and instead made almost every water main explode,” Rarity said, admiring her reflection in a mirror. “Oh, and then when Sweetie Belle and her friends tried to help with the clean up.” Each one of them shuddered at the memory. The Cutie Mark Crusaders had used one of Twilight’s spells to make a few mops come to live to help clean. It had taken nearly four hours to stop what was now called The Great Mop Rebellion.

“Angel st-still won’t go near them,” Fluttershy squeaked, as she remembered what the mops had done to her little bunny. “He didn’t like baths before, but now he runs whenever he so much as hears running water.” She sighed, thinking about how pathetic it was, while the others, mainly Rainbow, laughed at the thought of the evil rabbit ran for the hills.

The office door swung open, and Mayor Mare strode in wearing her usual political smile. “Oh good, you’re all here.” She shook hooves with them all, then sat behind her desk. “I am sorry for not being able to greet you, but Gofer over here got my order wrong.” She cast a withering glare over at the ragged-looking intern. He groaned and closed the door, once more murmuring under his breath. Maybe Ducking Fitch is his marefriend? She shook out the distracting thought and pulled a folder from her desk. “Anyway, as I told you in my short note I have something of the utmost important to talk to you about.”

“Is somethin attacking Ponyville again?” Applejack asked, getting to her hooves ready to go face danger.

“Is Discord trying to start his own sovereign state in Fluttershy’s cabin again?” Rarity asked, her eye twitching from memories of the Lord of Chaos’ last attempt to amuse himself.

“Is Canterlot in trouble?!” Twilight asked, her mind rushing to images of the Sisters and her parents in trouble.

“Who’s flank do we need to whoop?!” Rainbow Dash asked excitedly, jumping into the air and shadow-boxing.

“Are there little animals in danger or hurt?” Fluttershy said, tears forming at the corner of her eyes already at the horrible mental images of little woodland creatures with cuts and scrapes.

“Did the Sisters outlaw cake?! I know that Celestia has a bit of a problem with eating too much cake, especially chocolate cake, but don’t you think that is a bit extreme? I mean, Captain U has a problem with going to Hardees almost every other day but you don’t see him trying to outlaw it!” Everypony turned to Pinkie, a look of confusion plastered on their faces. Pinkie looked around the room looking at each one in confusion. “What? They have great fries!”

“Um... no, I did not call you for any of that,” Mayor Mare said, thanking the Sisters that there was nothing like that right now. The girls gave a collective sigh of relief, except for Rainbow, who gave a grunt of disappointment as she took her seat on the globe again. “I have called you though for an emergency of a different kind. You see, over the last few years, your... adventures, we’ll say, have caused damages to the town and we are frankly running out of money to keep repairing everything.”

“Told you! We are getting kicked out of town! Oh! Can I throw a ‘We Are Getting Kicked Out Of Town So Come Say Goodbye’ party?!” Pinkie asked, jumping up and down in excitement.

“What? No, I am not kicking any of you out of town! Do you know how bad that would look for an election year?” she asked them, laughing a bit. She looked at them to see blank looks of confusion. “A political joke. Well, as I said, I am not kicking any of you out of town. But I do need your help raising money to help keep the town from going into debt, and maybe help get the school some new playground equipment.”

“No problem! We would love to help,” Twilight said before any of her friends could answer, volunteering them for a job unknown. “What is it you would like us to do?”

“Well,” Mayor Mare started, clapping her hooves together a few times. “I was thinking of a dating auction for—” Before she could finish, Rainbow Dash had flared her wings and had jumped onto the mayor’s desk.

“You want to auction us off on dates?!” She shouted, her face turning red in anger. “No way! No bucking way am I doing that! You might not know it, but I do have fans. Like, crazy fans that would sell everything they have to go on a date with me! There is no way on the Earth that you will auction me off like a piece of meat!”

Each one of them was staring at Rainbow. Even Pinkie was speechless at what had just happened. Rainbow’s wings were still flared and the fur along her back and neck was raised slightly as she stood there, panting and glaring at the mayor.

“I was not finished, Miss Dash,” Mayor Mare said, collecting herself and clearing her throat. “Now, if you would kindly sit back down I will tell you,” she said with a slight growl. Rainbow, still red in the face, flapped her wings once and landed back on her globe, still glaring at the mayor.

The mayor cleared her throat once more and looked at the group of shocked ponies, keeping her eyes away from Rainbow. “I was thinking of a dating auction for the bachelors of Ponyville,” she said with a practiced grin. “There are more mares in Ponyville than stallions anyway, so there will be more competition, which means more money for the town.” Her mind filled with sacks of bits again, of mares throwing them onto the stage to win a date with Big Mac. “Now, all I need you to do is help organize it and get a few stallions to auction off on dates.”

“And what stallions do ya think yer gonna auction?” Applejack asked, looking Mayor Mare right in the eyes. Mayor Mare looked right back at her and knew that Applejack had already figured out which stallion would be the headliner.

“Well, I was hoping to have some of the most contested bachelors in Ponyville to be part of it, and... well, it’s not like Big Mac is seeing any pony, so I figured—”

Applejack stomped her hoof hard. “Uh-uh. No way! There is no way Ah’m gonna let Big Mac take part of this! He ain’t just some bag of apples to be given to the highest bidder! He ain’t been on no date before. That love potion thing doesn’t count!” Applejack turned her gaze towards Twilight, who sunk down in her seat a bit. Applejack still was a little angry with her for giving the book to the CMC. “Besides, he’s shyer than a kitten at a dog pound! Something like this would make him uncomfortable. If it was a auction for a date with a mare, he wouldn't make a bid. Doubt he would see any of it honorable. He is a gentlecolt after all,” Applejack nodded at this last point, finding her argument for why Big Mac shouldn't be part of this auction unbreakable. This, however, had the opposite effect on Mayor Mare and the others in the room.

Is she trying to raise the price on him already? the mayor thought, her mind taking her to a fantasy world where Big Mac was dressed in a fine silk suit, a rose in his mouth, as he took her on a date. Mayor Mare looked around the room, and it became evident that some of the others were having the same kind of thoughts. She noticed that Twilight had a dreamy eyed look. It was hard to imagine Twilight on date; not because she was a bookworm, a Element of Harmony, and a princess now, but because of her overprotective brother. A problem, Mayor Mare thought, a grin crossing her face, she shares with Applejack.

“If that is how you feel,” Mayor Mare said, with a sigh of defeat, “I won’t push you to get Big Mac to be a part of this. We will just have to get other stallions to come in to take his place. Rainbow Dash, you're on good terms with that stallion from the Wonderbolts, oh, what’s his name again?”

“Soarin?” Rainbow Dash questioned, with a very confused look on her face. Mostly due to the fact it was odd for anyone not to know of her idols.

“Yes, that’s the one! Do you think you could get him to get involved? I’m sure if you mention it’s for the school, so a charity almost, he would be more than happy to be part of the show,” the mayor said with a smile, “Come to think of it, he might have to be our headliner if Mac can’t do it.” These were the times that Mayor Mare knew she had chosen the right career. She could already see the internal battle in Applejack’s eyes now. Being a mayor a small town, you would always hear a rumor here and there, and she remembered one about a certain farm pony having a crush on a Wonderbolt.

“Probably. He was voted Equestria’s most eligible bachelor two years in a row by Ponies magazine. You know, the swimsuit issue, with the double fold-out with him...” Her words trailed off and a fierce blush spread on her face as she noted everypony staring at her. “S-so, uh... yesh! Want me to see if any of the other Wonderbolts want to join in?” Rainbow asked, resuming her spinning on the globe again.

“That would be delightful!” Mayor Mare said with a little clop of her hooves. “We would still need a few more stallions to take place in this. Who knows, maybe by the end of this we all might have a date! Well, almost all of us,” she said, turning her gaze towards Applejack in a way that the farm pony would have to notice.

“And what do ya mean by that?” Applejack spat, as Mayor Mare hid a grin of triumph.

“Nothing dear! Nothing at all! It’s just... well, we’ve all heard the stories about how Big Mac gets when a stallion wants to take you on a date.” She watched in delight as Applejack’s mind flashed back to just a few weeks ago when a pony named Shock n’ Awe tried to ask her out on a date. Everypony remembered the ‘incident’ with Shock n’ Awe. Some of them were still traumatized.

“You know,” Mayor Mare tapped a hoof against her chin, “I bet if a nice mare did win a date with Big Mac, and they decided to go on a few more dates, he might not have time to chase off stallions.” Only years in politics let the mayor hide her triumphant grin; Applejack’s face was just as honest as everything else about her. The internal battle was raging at full force now as she took in this information. “But I’m sure, as you said, he would not be up for it. I wonder how much a date with Soarin would cost?” Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Applejack shake her head, and was now glaring at the mare again. Hook, line, and sinker. I am definitely a political mare.

“Now don’t be counting Mac out just yet. Ah might not think he wants to do it, but Ah still need to ask him,” she said, making her way towards the door. “Ah’ll be back with his answer.” At that, Applejack slammed the door shut and made her way back home to find her brother.

“Nope.”

“Come on Mac, it’s fer the town and the school,” Applejack said. In truth, part of her actually did feel he should take part in this. He had only had one date in his life, and at his age he should of had at least a few more. At least, ones not caused by love poisons. “You know how much damage is caused to the town during our little... adventures, and Applebloom, and other crusaders. It’s just a nice way to pay the town back.” Applejack gave Mac her biggest smile, but it was only greeted by his normally stoic face.

“Nope,” Mac replied again quickly. He wasn’t even going to entertain the thought. The idea of being on stage and having mares bet on him seemed... degrading. It was torture enough to walk through the streets of Ponyville some days with all the mares giving him odd looks. He didn’t like all the attention, and for that reason he let Applejack command the stand while he worked the field. To be on stage for all those mares to stare at and bid on him was mortifying.

“Aw Mac, it’s fer the town, and the school! Besides, it’s a great chance fer ya to actually get to know a mare or two.” Applejack stepped in front of Mac to stop him from moving forward and having to look at her. “When was the last time ya even talked to a mare outside of our family?” she asked, staring him down. As much as she didn’t like the fact of the town—and possibly her friends—bidding on her brother, she had to recognize that Mac didn’t go out of his way to talk to mares ever. It worried her to think that Mac would never find a nice filly to settle down with; he was entitled to happiness like every other pony.

Mac looked down at her trying to find his answer, but his mind couldn't come up with anything for a retort. It was true: he didn’t go out of his way to talk to the many mares of the town. It wasn’t that he wasn’t interested; there were many ponies in town he would like to know more about. He was just too nervous to talk to any of them. He knew he was a good looking pony, but besides that there was really nothing for a mare to get excited about. He was just a simple farmer and nothing more. Sure he might be the strongest pony in town, but that was about it. Giving his sister one last look and seeing the determination in her eyes, he finally gave in.

“And it’s fer the town and school right?” Mac sighed in defeat.

Applejack beamed up at him and hugged him. “Eeyup! Ah’ll go tell the girls yer in. Trust me Mac, yer gonna have fun just like all the other fellers that are gonna be in this!” she laughed, kissing him on the cheek before trotting back towards town hall. Mac watched his sister disappear into the distant, and down trot look on his face as she finally left his sight.

“Dagnabit Mac, what did ya get yerself into?”

Chapter 2: The Living Nightmare of Big Macintosh

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Author's Notes:

WARNING! This chapter does contain some questionable dialog between Flash Sentury, Tweak (Jake's OC) and Shock n' Awe (Captain Unstoppable's OC) so this is your warning. Do not throw a hissy fit when you come across it. Enjoy the humor. Don't be jerks.

Okay you should know who I thank by now but real quick, thank you jszellmer for the edits, KarmaDash for throwing ideas around, Bad Seed 72 for also throwing ideas around and Jake the Army Guy for being the best damn co-writer there is!

Enjoy Chapter 2, also we have no idea when we will update...stop sending me messages.

*Update 2/21: Please...oh plese look at what Jake and I have been writing and who we ship. I am getting quiet tired of people pm-ing me for pairings...next chapter I shall make it somewhat clear who we want to ship. Thank you. Have nice day.

Chapter 2: The Living Nightmare of Big Macintosh

It turned out Mac had gotten himself into a never ending nightmare. For the next few days posters were all over Ponyville advertising the auction, and soon every single mare in town was doing extra work to save up as many bits as they could for the event. The whole town seemed to pick up the mentality of ‘Work till you can’t work no more, then get back to work’. When Mac made his trips into the town to drop off apples for Applejack, mares would stare at him more, giggling to themselves, whispering to one another.
If the mares were not bad enough, the single stallions in town also got into a work mentality, or at least a workout one. Unlike Mac, they were excited for this opportunity, and also, unlike Mac, who needed to be forced to sign up, they all came to the town hall to register themselves. Some of them even came to Big Mac to allow them to work on the farm for no charge, each wanting to try to look as good as him. Mac, who was not one to turn down free labor, excepted them, but soon regretted his decision.

Most them were not used to waking up before the sun, some were not even used to waking up till the double digits. By the end of the first day, most of them were limping back home content with doing their own workouts instead of helping Mac. The only ones who stayed past a week were Soarin, Thunderlane, Braeburn, and Spike. Even the little dragon had entered the auction hoping to impress Rarity. Out of all of them, only Braeburn remained seeing that he was used to farm work while all the others swore never to work with the cousins again.

While the two farm ponies worked together, all Braeburn seemed to be able to talk about was the auction. He would go on for what seemed like hours to Mac, talking about how he wanted a cute filly to be the one to win him. He would start to go through a list of fillies he liked and tried to figure out how much he would go for. Mac, on the other hoof, just wanted to get his chores done and to get this horrible event over with. All he wanted from this auction was a sane mare who understood that he didn’t want to be part of this.

But is there a mare like that? Mac thought every night before he went to bed. As much as he did hate this little event, he did have a bit of excitement in him wondering which mare would bid on him and win. Doubt Cheerilee would bid on me, Mac thought, a chill running up and down his spine as he thought about that love poison incident. They had stayed on relatively good terms since then, but it was still a bit awkward to be around one another, especially when the Cutie Mark Crusaders were around. His mind started to go through a list of mares that he wouldn't mind bidding on him. Well there is that Octavia filly, but Ah think Applejack told me about her not being into stallions. Most of Applejacks friends seem nice enough, most of them mighty cute as well.

At that, Mac’s mind started to make a list of Applejack’s friends, trying to figure out which one he would like to have bid on him. There’s Miss Fluttershy, she’s might quiet just like maself. Heard she can talk to animals, that would be mighty helpful around the farm. Mac thought about the possibility of dating Fluttershy. As much as he thought he has a connection with the animals on the farm she would probably have greater insight than him. Doubt it would work though. With the two of us being so quiet we wouldn't even start a conversation of sorts. Heck, Ah doubt that little filly is even going to place a bid. After scratching Fluttershy off the list, Mac began to think of the next.

There that white filly, Miss Rarity Ah believe; she’s a pretty one that’s fer sure. She was the Element of Generosity, a positive if there was any; she might come off as a vain pony, but she wouldn't hesitate to help others. Mac had to admit, out of all his sister’s friends Rarity was by far the prettiest. What could you expect from a mare that seemed to live in the spa? Mac cringed at that. Miss Rarity likes the finer things in life; and Ah’m a farmer who works all day in the dirt and sweating. Doubt she would trade her spa days for apple bucking. Once again, another mare was scratched off Mac’s list. Besides, Rarity would probably bid on a sports star of some kind, he did remember Soarin and Thunderlane trying to help out in the fields.

Twilight Sparkle? Mac had never heard a bad thing about her, though he could remember a certain situation involving a doll. Mac looked over at his night stand where Smarty Pants was still sitting there. Mac had been wanting to give it back, but it was embarrassing to admit that he held on to the doll. She’s far smarter than anypony Ah’ve met, and she has a very kind heart. Always wanting to help anypony that needs it. She’s not bad lookin at all. Mac looked up at the ceiling trying to think of some bad qualities of Twilight. Well she is a bit of a perfectionisht, not somethin that works well with animals and plantin seeds. Then as sweet as she is, that pony can have some major meltdowns, and she’s a princess and Ah’m a farmer. There has to be a rule about dating commoners. Mac thought, scratching another mare off his list of mares he would like to have bid on him.

Then there was only one friend that Mac hadn’t thought about yet, the one that was his sister’s closest friend and a Wonderbolt in the making, Rainbow Dash. Mac thought about her for a few moments. In many ways she was the opposite of him, She’s brash, arrogant, stubborn, a show off, and a free loader at times. Mac couldn't even keep count of how many times Dash had come over for dinner; either because Granny had made one of her apple dumpling surprises, or because he had finished another barrel of cider. To give her credit though, she is the Element of Loyalty, and that means somethin. No matter what them lot get into, she sticks by her friends till the very end. Also she’s an athlete and that shows, might not be a pretty as Rarity but definitely not a bad lookin mare. Heck she is more of my type then-

Mac blushed at this thought and shook his head violently.

What are ya thinkin? Those are yer sister’s best friends! There are so many bad outcomes to come from that Mac. Just hope it’s another mare, no matter how cute they are. Mac gave a nod of this as he closed his eyes. Though his mind kept thinking about his sister’s friends in questionable situations.

“Mac yer looking terrible this mornin,” was the first thing Mac heard his cousin say, as he walked down the steps on the dreaded day.

“Thanks cuz,” Mac grumbled as he sat down at the table to have a cup of coffee. It was still early, being around four in the morning as he still had work to be done with Braeburn. The only other pony up that morning was Granny who was sipping on her tea and reading the day’s paper.

“Well ya better look like that stud we know by tonight,” Braeburn laughed putting down his empty mug of coffee. “Them mares will be expectin that big strong work pony they all been savin them bits on,”

“Ah’m not the only work pony there,” Mac said as he took his coffee black.

“But yer the most attractive one by far,” Granny added, making Mac laugh softly while Braeburn placed his hoof over his chest and looked at Granny as if she had just told him she had ran over his puppy.

“Now, Granny, that hurts, ya know Ah’m the most eligible bachelor back in Appaloosa,” He said, puffing out his chest showing the sheriff star that was there. “Not to mention sheriff and owner of the most successful apple farm in the whole west,” he said with a noticeable amount of pride in his accomplishments.

“And from what I hear, yer also sleeping around a lot. Don’t need a pitchfork weddin now, ” Granny said calmly, still sipping her tea while Braeburn’s face went pale. Mac just kept laughing to himself as he finished up his own mug of coffee and started to make his way outside.

“Ho-how did ya…” Braeburn’s face was so confused and pale, that Mac was afraid that his cousin was going to fall over from a heart attack if he didn’t get him out of the kitchen in time.

“Come on now, we need to get them chores done if yer wantin to impress any mares tonight,” Mac laughed, opening the door wide to let the cool morning air in. Without looking back, he went to get his morning chores done so he could have breakfast. If Braeburn was going to move from his spot in the kitchen anytime soon was another story.

The morning chores were easy to do between himself and Braeburn. If it wasn’t for the fact that Braeburn could never stayed quiet for longer than two minutes, he wouldn't mind having him around more often. With the current reason why he was in town, it made everything just more annoying to the red stallion. As they pulled the equipment of the morning’s work back to the farm, Braeburn started to talk about the auction.

“Ya know Mac, I’ve been thinkin,” he started, looking up towards the sky as he walked.

“A dangerous pastime for ya,” Mac replied, already knowing where this conversation was headed, and didn’t want any part of it.

“Funny,” Braeburn growled. Leave it to the pony that never talked to come up with quick little quips to stop most conversations. “But I’ve been thinkin more about what mare Ah hope is to bid on me, and Ah think of gotten it narrowed down, but there is a small problem,” Braeburn said, eyeing his cousin to see his reaction.

“They’re not stallions?”

“Ah shut it you goat lover!” Braeburn snapped, as Mac just chuckled to himself calmly as they reached the barn. “The problem is, all of em are Applejack’s friends.” Mac tried to give any reaction to this, seeing that the previous night he had been thinking about his sister’s friends as well. Try as he may, family could always pick up small details such an awkward step or a slight shudder. “Ah take it ya been thinkin the same thing. Well seein that yer the one livin here just tell me which one to not work my charm on so they might bid on yer sorry hide,”

Mac didn’t answer, his mind had now began to repeat his arguments from last night. He didn’t want any of Applejack’s friends to bid on him; they were her friends! The amount of problems that could cause was unfathomable. He didn’t want to be the stupid reason that tore their friendship apart. Braeburn just kept eyeing Mac, thinking that he was trying to hide the fact he had a secret crush, while in actuality Mac was trying to save the Elements of Harmony.

“Eeyup, Applejack sure has a lot of pretty friends,” he laughed, stealing his cousins catchphrase just to make him a bit more riled up. “Ma first choice has to be that pretty little filly Miss Fluttershy. Them eyes can just make a stallion’s heart stop faster than a herd of charging buffalo!” Braeburn looked over towards Mac for a reaction, but the stallion’s face had gone back to stoic. “She’s a bit quiet like yerself, but Ah’m sure it just takes the right stallion to make her start talkin.”

“Yer goin to help her find that stallion? Maybe find one fer yerself,”

“Ah’m startin to think ya want to get me mad so Ah’d buck ya in the side, makin you unable to attend the auction,”

“You keep doin all this thinkin, yer goin to strain yerself,” Mac was having fun at this cousin’s expense. Braeburn looked as though he was ready to buck Mac so hard that the red stallion might be unable to apple buck for the new few seasons, but the western stallion just took a deep breath in.

“Then Ah started to think about her other friend, the pink one. She seems as crazy as they come, but Ah like maself a bit of crazy in a mare. Makes everyday an adventure!” Braeburn laughed, looking at Mac for a reaction. He really wanted to see if Mac had a crush on any of his sister’s friends; he could use that against him for years to come. Mac just kept chewing on the piece of what in his mouth giving his cousin a blank look.

“She’s our cousin,” Mac deadpan at this moving into the barn while Braeburn stood at the door wide eyed.

“She’s our what?”

“Cousin, apparently the Pies and the Apples were related down the line and makes her about our third cousin Ah believe. Still legal here in Equestria, but Ah don’t think it would be somethin any of our family would think too highly of,” Mac said with a shrug, pushing the equipment into the corner of the barn. Braeburn just gave out a sigh as he scratched his chin.

“Well, that’s disappointin, but Ah guess it narrows it down to two ponies then don’t it?” Braeburn suggested, taking the bags of seed he was carrying and setting them down in the opposite corner of Mac. “This last one though, might be a bit of a long shot for a simple farmer, but maybe ma title of sheriff and my sense of danger will make her think twice before judgin me,” Braeburn rubbed his sheriff badge as he did this and stuck his chest out a bit more to show it off more.

Mac just kept putting seed away, not paying much attention to his cousin. He could already guess what pony he was thinking of, and though he had no more of a shot than Mac did; they were both just simple farm ponies and not Wonderbolts. Turning back to his cousin Mac could see that he was expecting more of a reaction.

“Any guesses on who this mare might be?” he asked, eyeing his cousin for any reaction.

“Nope.”

“Come on, entertain the idea.”

“Nope”

Braeburn gave a loud grunt at his cousin’s non-playful matter. Being the cousin of a stallion who would only speak maybe five full sentences a day could be frustrating at times. Then the fact that he had gotten in some comebacks today that he was not prepared for made him even more frustrating.

“So Ah’d take it you know the mare Ah’m talkin ‘bout?” Braeburn asked, giving up on any attempts of getting even with his cousin.

“Eeyup”

“Think Ah got a chance?”

“Nope”

Braeburn glared at Mac for a few minutes, trying to figure out the stallion in front of him. Finally he gave up on trying to figure anything about which mare Mac wanted to have bid on him and followed him back to the farm house.

“Yer a terrible cousin ya know?”

“Eeyup”

The entire town looked like it was closed for a holiday or a festival of some kind. There were closed signs in almost every window, saying that they were at the auction and would not return till the following day. Everypony was gathering in the park, where a large stage had been built. To Mac, the stage looked as though it was supposed to be used in a musical or a performance of some kind. It was much larger than any auction stage he had ever seen, being draped with velvet curtains, made out of oak, and seemed to be big enough to hold at least twenty full grown stallions on it.

Mac had to enter the park from the rear, where all the other stallion that were being auctioned off were supposed to enter. With his ears laying flat on his head, he entered the park with Braeburn by his side, who was smiling wide with a noticeable skip in his step, both wearing saddle bags filled with the items they were required to bring.

The back entrance led to a changing room that was behind the stage, which Mac had not seen before. There were a few mirrors scattered around for the stallion to check themselves, chairs to rest, and drinking fountains as well. What really surprised mac was how the stallions were acting. It what it must be like backstage a beauty pageant or a fashion show. Stallions were checking themselves out in the mirror, making sure that their manes were well kept and looked strong or handsome.

Others were gathering in small groups, talking amongst themselves. They were making estimates on how much they would go for, what mares would bid on them, and what mare they hoped picked them. Mac tried to get through the crowd without being noticed, this whole thing was so outlandish for him and truly it was making him uncomfortable. Before he could even move five steps into the room somepony was shouting to him.

“And there he is! Big Mac! That stallion is going to beat any of our prices by at least a few hundred!” It was Soarin, he had been standing in a group with what seemed to be other Wonderbolts. Mac could only recognize two others out of the group as Thunderlane and the muscular pony Buff Bicep. All of the other stallions turned to look at Big Mac, whose ears were still folded against his head and had sweat starting to roll down his face.

“I don’t see what is so special about him,” a pony in the back said, his voice was just dripping with arrogance. “It’s not like he is royalty or anything. In fact, he is just a common dirty Earth Pony,” Mac heard Braeburn give out a growl as the pony started to laugh. Mac looked around and finally spotted a pony in the far back, he had on a white tuxedo with a red rose in it, a white coat, blond mane that looked like it was done by a professional, and bright blue eyes. Now Mac didn’t judge a book by it’s cover, he wanted to get to know a pony before making any decision about them. However, something about this stallion just rubbed him wrong, and if he ever saw him on the farm he would not hesitate to buck him off the property as fast as possible.

“Now don’t be throwing a hissy fit Blueblood. Just because there is another stallion prettier than you doesn’t mean you have to throw a tantrum,” Mac looked around to see another pony coming up from behind Blueblood. He was a well-built earth pony dressed in the armor of the Royal Guard, the armor itself so polished that Mac had to squint away as he approached, the sheathed saber at his side clinking with every step.

“Wha...” Blueblood sputtered before scowling at the soldier. “How dare you, you... you servant! I am a member of the Royal Family—”

“Not by blood,” the guard said with a grin.

Blueblood’s brow creased so hard Mac thought his eyes would pop out of his head. “I will have your rank for that insult!”

The guard seemed unimpressed. “You don’t write my evals, you don’t raise the sun, and you ain’t my momma. Buck off, pretty boy.” Mac did his best to suppress a chuckle as Blueblood’s face turned a choice shade of pink.

As the prince stormed off, the guard turned back to Mac. “Heh, that right there is why I ain’t an officer. Never did get the whole ‘politics’ thing.” He held out a hoof to Mac. “Name’s Tweak, Staff Sergeant, Equestrian Royal Guard.”

“Macintosh Apple,” Mac said, bumping the proffered hoof. How many ponies know of this auction? he thought to himself as he looked down at Tweak. Mac was still a few inches taller than this pony, but Mac had to admit he was a intimidating looking pony. Looking at the others, they all also seemed to register this fact as well.

“Pardon me for askin, but what brought you down to this shindig?” Mac asked, unsure if he should even ask a pony this. Tweak, however, just laughed as he pointed his hoof at another stallion.

“Well, Command heard about this here auction”—he gestured to the crowd of stallions—”and thought it’d be a bit of good PR to have a few Guards come down and participate. Also Prince Armor called in an old favor and got me on the detail.”

“Shining Armor? He asked you here? Why?”

“You see that colt right there?” Mac followed his gaze towards a orange Pegasus who was chatting with Spike. “That there is Corporal Flash Sentry, a young up-and-coming hot shot. Got a good head on his shoulders, but apparently Shining’s little sister has a crush on him and he might have a crush on her as well. While I have no objections to two ponies finding love, Shining just wants to make sure he understands that if he screws up he will have every Royal Guard on him in an instant,” Tweak laughed at this while a few of the stallions around Mac paled a bit, especially Soarin. Mac on the other hoof, gave a nod of approvement. As an older brother, he understood the need to protect his little sister.

“Now if you gents will excuse me, I think I need to give him a little bit of a scare. I was his drill sergeant back at basic. I want to see his reaction when he see’s me…” Tweak trailed off as he started to sneak up behind Flash Sentry. Mac and the other kept quiet wondering what the drill sergeant was going to do, half excited, half scared for the pony.

Across the room, the orange pegasus—apparently Flash Sentry—was chatting quietly with another stallion. His back to Tweak, he never saw the earth pony as he crept up behind him, grinning like a shark, until he was right behind him. Tweak took a deep breath and bellowed, “Corporal Sentry! Post!”

The young pegasus flinched and spun to face the voice. The instant he saw the predatory grin on Tweak’s face, terrified recognition filled his eyes and he locked all four legs with a clang of his armor, his neck going ramrod straight. “Drill Sergeant, yes, Drill Sergeant!”

Tweak scowled at him. “Corporal, are you a mare?” When Flash didn’t offer a response, Tweak leaped towards him, bringing them nose to nose. “What, you as deaf as you are ugly?! Are you a female?!”

“Drill Sergeant, no, Drill Sergeant!”

“Then stop making me a Luna-damned sandwich! I know I’m sexy enough for ten, but I’m just one stallion, so just one Drill Sergeant!”

“D-Drill Sergeant, yes!”

“At the end, genius!”

Flash cowered under the assault. “Yes, Drill Sergeant!”

Tweak frowned again. “Look at you,” he growled, circling around the shaking Flash like a wolf, “all gussied up, lookin’ all pretty. I bet you think yer a real mare-killer, eh?” He ended back in front of Flash, once more breathing down his face. “That why you’re here, Corporal? To score some candy vag?!”

To his credit, Flash winced at the crude term. “No, Drill Sergeant!” he said emphatically.

The entire time Tweak chewed out Flash Sentry, not a single stallion made a noise, each afraid that they would have the former Drill Sergeant’s wrath thrown upon them next. That was until there was a burst of laughter coming from the opposite side of the group. All eyes turned to a dark blue Earth Pony with a red and black mane, what was laughing so hard tears were rolling down his eyes.

“H-he said can-candy...Pfft! Bwhahahahaha!” the blue pony almost fell over in laughter at this. Each stallion looked at one another, unsure who this new pony was, for he didn’t seem to be from Ponyville, but Mac knew who the pony was at once and a fire seemed to build up in his chest as he remembered the stallion. Shock n’ Awe. The stallion that had tried to date his sister.

Now as Applejack’s older brother, he felt like he had to inspect stallions before they could date his sister. Call him old fashioned, over protective, and sometimes a jerk of a brother, but it was his duty to make sure that only the best stallions got to date his sister.
And after his conversation, there was no way on this green earth that Shock n’ Awe was one of them. Before he could go over to the stallion in question Tweak beat him to the punch, storming across the room to the still laughing stallion. “Do you mind, sunshine? I’m trying to talk to this fine young soldier here.”

Shock let out a sharp breath. “Talk? Seems to me you’re more trying to scare the crap out of him with the whole ‘Rah-Rah’ Guard shtick. Ya know, that gets kinda old after a while, gramps.”

“G... Gramps?!” Tweak took a deep breath, but Shock continued.

“Dude, I was in the Guard. Special Forces, ya dig? The yelling don’t work on me.”

Tweak blinked at him several times, then scowled. “Ooooh, I see. Yer one of them prima donna SF types. Need an entire airship just to carry yer ego to a drop zone. Well, lemme tell ya, sweetness, that don’t impress me none!” He stepped back so he could address both the unimpressed Shock ‘n Awe and the still-shaking Flash Sentry. “Now you both listen here! All three of us are representing the Equestrian Royal Guard at this little get-a-long.”

“Dude,” Shock said with a sigh, “I told you, I got out.”

“Once a Guard, always a Guard!” Flash cried.

“Damn right!” Tweak said, his face briefly twisted into something that, if viewed with a microscope and a scholar’s patience, could have been a prideful grin as he eyed the young Corporal. “Now, that being the case, both you little knuckleheads better be on your best behavior, or I swear to Sweet Filly Luna, I will slam-buck your souls into the next plane of existence! Do you understand me?!”

“Yes, Sergeant!”

“Meh, whatever, dude.”

Tweak nodded and turned to walk back to the table with the snacks, but cast one last glance over his shoulder at Shock ‘n Awe. “And I’m twenty-eight, ya putz!”

“All right, all right you had your fun but now it’s time to listen up!” Everypony turned their attention over to Mr. Cake who was sitting behind a desk with two stacks of paper next to him and a few pencils next to it. “Now I’m going to be the host of this little auction, seeing that every mare that was more qualified than I is wanting to bid on a stallion, so you will have to deal with it,” the married stallion laughed as more of the stallion that were to be auctioned looked to him.

“Now in front of me are blank pieces of paper and a stack of numbers. When you come up you will take one of the blank pieces and give a short description of yourself. This is what I am going to be reading to introduce you when you first go on stage. Please no longer than three lines. Then you will take a number, they are in a random order so it doesn’t matter when you get to sign up. Just tell me your number and that’s the order you will appear all night. Now no switching numbers, I don’t care when you want to go out it’s all up to mare luck,” Mr. Cake looked to the stallions who all seemed to be able to grasp the the concept. “Now get your flanks up here gentlemen! There are a lot of lovely mares out there that would love a date with one of you!”

At once a line started to form in front of Mr. Cake and his desk. Mac was filed somewhere in the middle of all of it, with Braeburn in front of him and Soarin behind him. Both stallions were still highly excited for this auction, while the dread as just growing in Mac. He didn’t know what number he wanted exactly, but he knew he didn’t want to go first or last. Both ends were trouble for him, first stallion out and all those mares would go crazy. If he came out last for everything, well that would just be horrible! He would be the grand finale! The one all the mares would wait for. Oh Celestia, please don’t make me last! he prayed to himself as they inched ever closer to the table.

Taking in the room again, Mac started to apply one of the skill not many ponies knew he was good at. Math. Only Apples knew that Mac took great pleasure in knowing how to do. Mac started to look up and down the line, doing a quick count of all the stallions in the room. With them all in a line it made things a lot easier. Alright, there’s jus about twelve of us here. Now if Cake shuffled them numbers like he does cards on poker night, those cards are going to be all scrambled up like leaves after a storm. The chances of me getting the last spot is a hundred to one! Mac thought happily as Braeburn finally reached the table.

Braeburn took his number first and gave a whistle of excitement. “Now lookie here! Ah’m the first one up!” he looked behind at the line of stallions. “Ah feel sorry fer you fellers! Them mares aren't gonna stop screaming for me till my cousin Mac here shows up on stage,” the cowcolt laughed as he started to write his little segment about himself. As soon as he was done, Mac reached for a blank piece of paper first, wanting to hold off on the number part as long as possible. Writing down just a few words, Mac reached for the numbers when they all fell to ground, as if a burst of wind had just came through the changing room and aimed right for them.
“Now why did you go and do that, Mac?” Mr. Cake laughed as he bent over to started to pick up the numbers again, “Jealous that your cousin got the number one slot?” he said smiling as he put the cards back up on the table, but, before he did thought Mac saw his hoof reach into his apron and pull out something. The movement was so fast, that Mac blinked his eyes a few times, trying to make sure it wasn’t his eyes playing tricks on him.

“Now what did yea-”

“Just some gum, want a piece?” Mr. Cake asked holding out a pack of gum towards the farm pony. “And pick a number already Mac, you're holding up the line.” Mac just nodded, still giving his old friend a questionable look. Mac slowly reached for a number and turned it over to see what is was.

Twelve

He was the last stallion. The last one to be go on stage for each event, the last one to be auctioned off at the end of the night. He looked at the number and then to Mr. Cake, who was already writing it down without even seeing it. “Now hold up there! You made them numbers fall over so you could-”

“I have no idea what you are talking about Mac,” Mr. Cake said calmly as he finished putting Mac’s number down in his notepad.

“Now move along, there are other stallions needing to go through,” he said. Before Mac could argue anymore, Braeburn pushed Mac to the side so Soarin could go next.

“Now that is how it should be!” Braeburn laughed, looking at the number Mac had taken. “The two best looking stallion going first and last. Them mares won’t know what hit them!” While Braeburn was finding this to be an act of divine intervention or fate. Mac could only grumble lowly as he looked down at the number. Act of fate it was not, but an act of some ponies trying to make some extra bits for the town. Most definitely.

Chapter 3: Mare Talk

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Chapter 3: Mare Talk

Rainbow kicked a rock as hard as she could as she made her way to the auction. This whole event was stupid! Sure, even she thought it was a cool idea to see a few good looking stallions on stage, maybe make a bid or two, but now it was more a torture for her. She gave a deep sigh as she entered the park where all the others mares of Ponyville were, ready to throw their bits away for a stallion, just like she was. All thanks to her stupid friends tricking her.

It was a few days after Mayor Mare had told them of her idea, and Applejack had convinced Mac to enter the auction. Twilight had suggested for them to all spend the night at the library so they could discuss and plan the event. The Elements of Harmony sat around the kitchen table in the library, but before any discussion could take place, Applejack had started to speak.

“Alright, girls. Ah’ve come to a conclusion. Some mare in town is goin to win that date with Big Macintosh, and Ah rather have it be one of y’all. So Ah’m given y’all permission to bid on ma brother,” she said, giving a nod of her head to reinforce the fact. Each of the girls looked at one another before looking back at Applejack, each one a little bit more confused than the other.

“I’m sorry, darling,” Rarity said, looking over at Twilight to see if she was as lost as she was, “but what do you mean you're giving us ‘permission’ to bid on Big Mac? Isn’t that our call to bid on him or not?” As she asked, Applejack gave her a glare so harsh, that Rarity let out a small Fluttershy like ‘eep’ at it.

“It’s either ya got ma permission, or Ah’m gonna buck yer flank into next week! So, which of ya wants to date ma brother?” Applejack scanned her friends, each looking terrified of Applejack... except for Pinkie Pie, who was happily eating another slice of the cake she had brought over. After a few seconds of silence Applejack slammed her hoof on the ground. “Well?!”

“Um... Applejack,” Twilight said, trying to keep her voice calm compared to her friends angered one. “Don’t you think you're protecting your brother a bit too much? I mean, you’re kind of doing the same thing he does when a stallion tries to ask you out.” Twilight tried to be a nice as possible as she said this, but she received a scathing glare for her trouble.

“Now what Ah do is different than what ma brother does! He has low self confidence and Ah don’t want to see no mare break his heart! He just wants to chase off stallions left and right because he don’t want to see his little sister growing up!” Applejack crossed her forelegs together and gave a snort. How could anypony think she was like her brother when it came to potential dates?!

“Well, what about that time Cherry Jubilee wanted to ask your brother out, and you chased her off the farm with a pitchfork?” Rarity asked, a hint of malice in her voice.

“Why are ya defending her?!” Applejack cried, “All she wanted was a roll in the hay with ma brother! She didn’t care fer him!”

“And the time you chased Cheerilee off the farm?” Twilight interjected, remembering the incident when she went to visit Applejack one day.

“Ah thought she was still under them effects of that love poison,” Applejack said, but she was not looking at Twilight this time, and her face was scrunched up.

“That was over three months ago, and you're lying about that. You are so bad at that,” Twilight said, rubbing her forehead seeing her friend’s tell tale signs of lying. It was because of these signs that they never played poker anymore.

“Alright, alright! So maybe Ah do protect ma brother a bit too much, but it’s just because Ah love him!” She grunted as she turned back to her friends. “So, which one of yall want’s to win that date then?” She scanned the room again her eyes falling on Fluttershy. “How about you Fluttershy? Ah reckon the two of ya might make a cute couple,” she said with a mischievous grin.

As soon as the conversation turned to her, Fluttershy’s eyes went wide in shock and she moved her head back so her pink mane would cover her face. “W-well I...I...I’m glad you think we would make a c-cute couple,” she stammered out. “But I don’t think it would work between us.” She looked down at the ground, her face bright red as Applejack just stared at her. In fact everypony in the room was now looking at Fluttershy with confusion.

“Wait…” Twilight started looking at her friend. “We all thought you had a crush on Big Mac.” In secret, many of them had thought that Fluttershy was a perfect match for the large work pony, seeing that they were so similar in many different ways. Fluttershy’s face only got redder as she ducked further behind her mane.

“I-it’s not like I don’t like him...he’s very nice and... good looking, but I...well…” Her face was now a brighter shade of red than any apple Sweet Apple Acres had ever produced. Nopony seemed to be able to understand what was going on, all except Rarity who let off a dramatic gasp.

“You have a crush on somepony!” she exclaimed, making Fluttershy jump. “Oh, you simply must tell us who it is! That way we can invite them to the auction and you can bid on him!” Rarity trotted over to her friend and gave her a hug. “Oh, this is so exciting! Tell us, tell us, tell us!” Fluttershy just sat there looking at Rarity, her lower lip quivering a bit out of nervousness.

“Come on Sugarcube, ya can tell us,” Applejack, trying to sound less manic than Rarity was. Fluttershy just looked around at each one of her friends, scared of what they might think.

Finally taking a deep breath she whispered the stallion’s name. Each one of her friends were staring at her, unblinking and completely focused on the all so shy mare who just revealed her secret crush.

“Um...we didn’t hear you,” Twilight said with a nervous laugh. Looking around at their confused looks, Fluttershy took another deep breath and mustering up all her courage she said the name once more.

“Br-Braeburn…” she said, her face turning a shade of red that it seemed that all the blood from her body was now in her face. Nopony spoke at this confession. Each one of them had a look of shock on their face, except Pinkie who was staring out into space, not knowing that to say.

“What?!” Rainbow shouted, breaking the silence right away as she got to her hooves. “When did yo...how did...why...Braeburn?!” was all Rainbow manage to get out as she looked at Fluttershy in disbelief. “You only met him one time!” she exclaimed sitting back down, her head coked sideways as she stared at Fluttershy.

Fluttershy let out another small ‘eep’ as she tried to retreat further back into her mane. “W-well, before we left, he asked for my address. He said he was disappointed that we couldn't talk longer and would like to be-become... pen pals.” Fluttershy was now shaking a bit in nervousness. Rainbow just kept staring at Fluttershy in confusion, but after a little while gave a soft sigh, that everypony but Applejack missed.

“What’s this?” Applejack asked, turning to Rainbow with a smirk. “You wouldn't be jealous now, would ya?” she said in such a way that everypony now focused their attention on Rainbow.

Rainbow looked around, the faintest shade of red on her face. “What?! No! No offence, A.J. your cousin might be hot, but definitely not my type,” Rainbow laughed, crossing her forelegs as she did.

“Oh? And what’s yer type then, Dashie?” Applejack was now giving Rainbow her full attention, making the cyan Pegasus squirm a bit under the question.

“M-my type?” she stuttered like Fluttershy, and could be seen mentally slapping herself for it. “Well...first off they have to be cooler than any other stallion out there! I will only hang out with the coolest of the cool,” she said with a air of confidence. “Then they also have to be strong, very muscular, but not like Bulk Biceps muscular, ya know?” She stroked her chin thoughtfully. “And he’d have to be the kind of stallion that I could talk to, but wouldn’t talk my ear off. Somepony who knows actions speak louder than words. And loyal! Gotta be loyal, obviously.”

“So you mean somepony like-” the name was on the tip of Applejack’s tongue as she eyed Rainbow. To any other of their friends, it would sound like she was describing her dream stallion, but that dream stallion was flesh and blood to Applejack. Before she could say anything else somepony else beat her to the punch.

“Caramel!” Pinkie shouted, jumping off the pillow she was sitting on and smiling widely to all her friends. Applejack and Rainbow Dash had dumbfounded looks on their faces as they looked at the hyperactive mare.

“How did any of that in any way describe Caramel?” Applejack asked, beyond confused on how Pinkie came to the conclusion of Caramel from what Rainbow was describing.

Now it was Pinkie’s turn to look confused at the pair. “How did what describe Caramel?” she asked, making Applejack smack herself in the forehead. “I was just saying who I was going to bid on!” Pinkie laughed, as she sat back down.

“Caramel?” Rarity asked. She was still quite interested in what was going on between Rainbow and Applejack, but now this seemed a bit more interesting. “Why would you want to date Caramel?”

“He seems like he needs to have a party in his life!” Pinkie said happily, her smile never fading. “Besides, I think he likes me! He always comes to the bakery when I’m working, and always says hello and goodbye to me!” she said, doing a sigh so much like Rarity’s that one would expect a couch to appear for her to faint on.

“Pinkie... not to burst your bubble or anything, but you’re always working,” Twilight said sheepishly, “And we all say hello and goodbye to you,” she added. “Are you sure you're not reading too deep into it?”

“Trust me! He is totally crushing on me! Call it a mare’s intuition!” she laughed, as she looked around the room. “Besides, I think he’s super cute! Twilight, who are you going to bid on?” Pinkie asked at random. With that, every eye turned to Twilight who, like Fluttershy, turned red in the face at the question.

“We-well I don’t know,” Twilight said, shuffling her hooves and looking down at the ground. “I mean, there is a lot of nice stallions in town, and going on a date with one of them would be nice. But, I... I just don’t know.” She was now looking around the library, trying to find something to change the topic. “Besides, I’m a princess now! Do you know how bad that would look? I doubt Celestia or Luna would do a thing like this.” She added a nod to this, as if by saying their names the conversation would be dropped.

“Oh? So you're not waiting to get a response from, oh, what’s his name?” Rarity was tapping her chin as a evil smirk started to spread across her lips. “But if I do recall, you said he has extremely expressive eyes, a gorgeous smile, a warm voice, and such a nice nature that you just want to—”

“I get it, Rarity!” Twilight explained, pressing her hooves against her ears. “He’s very... nice but that was a alternate reality! I can’t be sure if it’s the same here, and even with that, we only knew each other for a few days! Basing a relationship just on that is illogical!” she said with a light blush across her face before something Rarity had said caused her to frown slightly. “Wait... what do you mean, ‘waiting to get a response’ I didn’t send him anything.” Twilight gave Rarity a confused look as Rarity looked away, looking awfully guilty, and Twilight fixed a harsh glare on her. “Rarity... what did you do?”

Rarity turned back to Twilight, smiling still, but with a bit of nervousness behind it. “Well, as you know, Twilight, I simply can’t stand aside when love is in the air, and I might have convinced Spikey-Wikey to send him a letter… that was from you.”

At that, the sound of Twilight slamming her head against the floor blocked out all other sounds. “You invited the pony that I had a crush on in an alternate monkey-thing dimension to come to an bachelor auction and signed it from me,” Twilight groaned, her forehead still against the ground. “My life is completely ruined,” she moaned as Rarity walked over to her and started to rub her head.

“It’s not...um... Rainbow! How did inviting the Wonderbolts go?” Rarity changed the topic as soon as possible, not wanting this to become one of Twilights little episodes.

“Hmm? Oh yea! Not only did I manage to get Soarin, but Bulk Biceps and Thunderlane from the Academy volunteered, to,” Rainbow said enthusiastically. “Looks like you and Soarin can go on that little date now,” Rainbow said, teasing Applejack, who looked unamused by the little quip.

“Fer the last time, we are not dating,” Applejack said, rolling her eyes at the incoming onslaught of questions and teases. Ever since she had met Soarin at the Gala, he had been making monthly trips to Sweet Apple Acres to buy a pie from her. At first the relationship was just professional, but with a buyer coming all the way from Cloudsdale just to buy a pie from a mare, it quickly led to one of teasing.

Every time he would come to the farm, she would tease him about being so desperate for a mare’s attention, he would fly a thousand miles with only buying a pie as an excuse. He would normally retort with saying the only reason he flew all that way was to watch a apple farmer drool all over his magnificent body, to which Applejack would comment Mac was into mares, not stallions.

This relationship had not gone unnoticed by her friends or brother. Mac didn’t seem to have much problem with Soarin, just giving him the occasional glare whenever he was over. The most Mac had ever done to Soarin was taking him to the barn one night for a chat. Applejack was worried that he was going to chase Soarin off, but the two came out laughing before heading out to a bar. Her friends would not believe for a instant that her relationship with the Wonderbolt went no further than light flirting, and had made several remarks in the past about how she needed to hook up with the celebrity.

“Applejack, he is so into you! Somepony as rich as him could get a apple pie made by the best baker in all of Equestria, but he only goes to your farm for an apple pie,” Rarity said as she kept rubbing Twilight’s head, who was still moaning about her life being over. “He likes you.”

“He does not!” Applejack shot back. “He jus’ knows us Apples make the best pie in all of Equestria,” she said with a grin, but each friend looked at one another and nodded, as if they were reading the space between the lines. With a blush to match her brother's coat, she stomped her hoof on the floor. “What about you, Rarity? Ya seem keen on our relationships, but ya haven't said a thing about who yer goin’ to bid on,”

“Oh, I won’t know till I get there,” Rarity said with a wave of her hoof. “Trust me, your brother is on the list of stallions I would like to win a date with, but with Wonderbolts, Royal Guard members, and more, who knows what might catch my eye.” Rarity laughed as she stepped away from Twilight and walked back to her pillow. Twilight looked up that that and a look of horror came over her face.

“You didn’t...”

“Send a letter to the Royal Guard telling them of this little event and politely requesting they send some sexy stallions our way? No, I did not. Mayor Mare did, however,” Rarity said with a giggle, sitting back down as Twilight's forehead met the ground again.

“That means my brother is going to know about this! He is going to come down here and make sure to terrorize any stallion I might go for!” she grimaced as she looked up at Applejack. “They just don’t understand older brothers,” she groaned, as Applejack nodded.

“Y’all remember that Shock n’ Awe pony right? The one that asked me out a few weeks back?” Applejack asked addressing her friends. They all gave nods of remembrance of the dark blue pony. “Well, Big Mac found out about the date, and while Ah was getting ready, he cornered Shock and had a little chat. Ah don’t know what Mac said to him, but Shock seemed to be afraid to be too close to me the entire time,” she said with a sigh. “Supposed to have been a Guard member. Wasn’t until later Ah learned he got kicked out for drunk fightin’.” She gave a deep sigh at this. “So Mac was actually right fer scarin him off, but Ah’m a grown mare and can make my own decisions! Like which of ya is goin to date ma brother!” Once again, all her friend rolled their eyes as Applejack tried to set one of them up with her brother again. This time, it seemed that there was only one mare left.

“What ya say, Rainbow? Want to win a date with ma brother?” she asked, eyeing Rainbow for a reaction. Rainbow didn’t react, she just sat there, not saying a word. Applejack grinned at this as she started to mimic the actions Rarity had done just a few moments ago. “Ah mean, he is the strongest stallion in all of Ponyville. During the rodeo last year in Appleossa, he did take second overall. Also the strong, silent type, and mighty loyal. Kinda sounds like yer dream stallion.”

“What?!” Rainbow shouted, “No way! Mac is just a simple dude. No way I would date him!” Rainbow said with a laugh. Applejack would have normally taken offence to this, but the red tint on Rainbow’s face told a whole nother story.

“Well then, he’d be perfect fer ya. Wouldn't have to compete over who’s the coolest in the relationship, now would ya?” She was winning, Rainbow’s face was turning just as red as her brother’s coat. There was a reason why she asked Rainbow last and soon she would get her answer.

Rainbow didn’t say anything at this as her eyes just grew wide and was looking for anything to change the topic once again. This time there was no Pinkie to distract them all—due to the fact she was leaning in close and eating bowl of popcorn, as if she was watching some kind of drama. Rainbow’s wings twitched in aggravation as she looked for the door. If she could just get a running start she could get out of here.

“Rainbow, stop trying to hide the fact ya got a mighty big crush on ma brother!” Applejack finally shouted. “Ah’ve seen ya stoppin to stare at him in town like every other mare in town, but ya don’t stop there. Don’t think Ah don’t notice ya flying lower and even slower over the fields of the farm whenever he’s out there workin’.” Applejack had everypony’s attention as she called Rainbow out on her apparent spying of Big Mac. With every word, Rainbow’s face was getting redder, either with embarrassment or anger.
“Then you’d come over ta supper only if the cider we’re usin was made by Mac,” she said coolly now circling around Rainbow. “In fact, these days, whenever Mac’s makin supper, it’s pretty much a given that you’d be there. Mac and Bloom just think ya really like his cookin, but Granny and Ah think we know what’s really going on,” she laughed, eyeing the rainbow mane mare.

“He is a good cook! He is so much better than you!” Rainbow snapped, but this didn’t seem to phase Applejack, who just kept circling her.

“Sure he is, but we both know what you're really after. Just admit it, Dashie, ya don’t just have a crush on ma brother. Your head over hooves for him.” Applejack was grinning like a shark now as Rainbow Dash fidgeted where she sat, trying not to look at any of her friends, all of whom were just staring at her, wanting to see the conclusion of this little interrogation.

“I do not!”

“Do to!”

“Do not!”

“Dash, Ah’m the Element of Honesty and Ah can tell when ma friends are lying, and yer lying like no other!” Applejack declared. “When Ah asked everypony here if they want to win ma brother, ya started to grind yer teeth somethin’ fierce, and giving little sighs of relief here and there when they said they be after some other pony. Just come out with it!” Applejack shouted, knowing the only way to get Rainbow to admit anything is by putting her in a position where she can’t just fly away.

“Fine! I do have a crush on your brother! Happy now! I have a flipping crush on Mac!” Rainbow shouted, throwing her forelegs into the air. She sat there, her chest rising and falling with each deep breath as if she had finished a marathon. That was when her pupils dilated as she looked at Applejack and the others. Applejack just had a smug grin on her face as all the others looked at her in just pure shock.

“Now wait, I didn’t mean-”

“Rainbow has a crush on Big Mac!” Pinkie shouted, jumping up and down making popcorn fly everywhere. “That is so cute! Oh, you two are the opposites of one another! Ooo! When you two get married, can I plan the reception?!”

“Pinkie!” Rainbow shouted, her face growing so red that she might have been confused with having red fur naturally. “We are not getting married!”

“Yet,” Applejack chimed in, laughing as Dash’s face grew another shade red deeper.

“Shut up!”

“Oh, Rainbow, that would be so cute if you two go together!” Rarity cooed, leaving Twilight’s side to get closer to Rainbow. “Why, your colors would go so well together! But you better start earning some extra bits, he is going to be a sought after stallion. Hmm...maybe we should make sure Mac knows you're interested. Oh! Maybe we can go to the spa to get you looking your best and visit the farm, give him a good look at you,” she laughed as Rainbow got to her hooves and trying to find a way out.

“I bet if you ask for more hours the weather team would give you some,” Fluttershy chimed in. “Um, you know, since when you do work you do a great job,” she said with a smile, trying to help Rainbow. This kindness was returned when Rainbow whipped around towards her with a glare that made Fluttershy let out a soft yelp.

“Hmm... depending on how many stallions show up, Mac be the highest bid pony. Let’s see...” Twilight said, taking out a scrap piece of parchment and levitating a quill and ink to her. “If you take the average wage of ponies here, then take out living expenses, emergencies, and a few impulsive buys... you should need at least eight hundred bits.” She nodded. “Yes, that sounds right. Mac will probably go for around eight hundred, if it’s just the stallions from around here.”

“Hold up!” Rainbow shouted, as each one of her friends started to get in on her bidding situation and apparent crush. “Who said I’m even going to bid on Mac?! Maybe I just won’t go to the auction at all!”

“Oh? You plan on askin’ him out so he can’t compete?” Applejack asked slyly. “Ah thought ya liked competition Rainbow, and Ah bet this victory would taste so good knowing you out-bid every mare in Ponyville, and got Big Mac in the process.” It was in that instant that Applejack knew she had won.

The all so familiar fire started to burn in Rainbow Dash’s eyes. Applejack could only imagine what images were going through Rainbow’s mind of her victory, of showing everypony how awesome she was because she beat all of them and got her dream stallion.
Rainbow quickly shook her head however, as if she was trying to get rid of those thoughts. “Yeah, whatever,” she grunted, turning away from Applejack and instead focusing on Rarity, who was moving back to her original spot.

“Well then girls, now that we know who we all want, I think the next item on our list should be,” Rarity said with such an air, that each one of her friends instantly knew what she wanted to talked about and blushed. “We now have to figure out what we want those sexy, sexy stallions to do on stage for us.” Rarity laughed as each one of her friend’s faces turned bright red.

Since then, a month had passed and it was now time for the auction. Rainbow Dash grumbled as she looked inside the saddle bag she had brought with her. She had only managed to make an extra six hundred bits; two hundred less than what Twilight predicted. I’m sure it’s enough, Rainbow thought closing the bag, with all those other stallions I bet I can grab Mac for cheap. With that thought she entered the park where the auction was to be held.

Her thoughts were quickly crushed when she saw the amount of mares already there. Some of them didn’t look like they were from Ponyville at all, but had heard about the auction and wanted to see who they could grab as well. Off in the distance, Rainbow could see Pinkie Pie waving frantically to her to mark where the others were sitting.

They were in the middle of the mess and were just close enough to the stage that they could get a good look at each stallion, but still far enough away not to be crushed by the sheer amount of mares that were congregating there.
As Rainbow walked towards her friends, there was only one thought going through her head.

Horseapples...

Chapter 4: Let's Meet Our Stallions!

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Chapter 4: Let’s Meet Those Stallions

“Hello, all you lovely mares out there!” Mr. Cake shouted to the large crowd of ponies that had gathered for the event. “Are you ready to see the stallions that you could bid and win tonight?!”

The crowd erupted into cheers of stomping hooves and wolf-whistles. Mr. Cake was standing on the far left of the stage. The stage itself was very large, having the ability to hold what looked up to twenty fully grown stallions on it with room to spare. There was a large arch behind it, with two wings on either side for the stallions to enter one way and exit the other. Red velvet curtains were pinned on both sides, as the lighting coming from above gave the stage a soft glow.

Behind the stage, the sun was slowly setting as the stars started to twinkle in the sky. The idea was to hold the auction at night, so those who won their stallion did not have to wait too long to go on a romantic date with their prize. The night air was cool, and clear of any clouds that might cause a sudden rain storm during the auction the mares of the town had been looking forward to for the last month.

Mr. Cake waited a few moments for them all to calm down before clearing his throat. “Well, as you all know we have three events planned for these stallions before you are to start your bidding. So without further delay, lets get this show on the road!” Once again the crowd broke into cheers, mostly those of mares who were ready to win a date with one of the stallions, but most of all the big red apple they would all love to take a bite out of.

Back stage, every stallion was getting ready for their moment in the spotlight. Braeburn was trotting in place, brimming with excited energy; this was his one big chance to show every mare out there that there was more than one good Apple stallion on the market. After him was Spike, who Mac was still trying to understand why Twilight would even allow him to enter this horrible event. Mac looked up and down the line of stallions that were to go before him and saw that each one looked eager to go.

“Our first bachelor tonight,” came Mr. Cake’s voice from onstage. Mac took a deep breath; it was time for the torture to begin. “Describes himself as ‘A cowpony without comparison. As strong, confident, honest, and good looking as his cousin and maybe more.’ Let me introduce to you all Braeburn Apple!”

“That’s ma cue!” Braeburn laughed, and soon he had trotted on stage. The cry of the mares was almost deafening. From whistling, claps, and screams promising to do things to Braeburn that Mac could only shudder at, it seemed that the whole town had fallen for Braeburn right off the bat. The cheers kept coming for what seemed about a good few minutes before Mr. Cake finally cut in with his microphone.

“Now, there are still more stallions back there, Braeburn if you would just...stop strutting! You're done Braeburn get to the other side of the stage! No! Get over there before I disqualify you!” Mac could hear his cousin laughing as the mares started to boo at Mr. Cake. Whatever Braeburn was doing the mares seemed to have enjoyed.

After what seemed like an eternity, the cheers finally died down and Mr. Cake was allowed to speak again. “Our next contestant is a bit younger, so perfect for all you fillies out there,” Cake laughed as Spike just gave a groan. Mac chuckled slightly at this; he knew that the young dragon had his heart set on Rarity, but it was hard to imagine that the mare would bid on Spike.

“Describing himself as a...really?” There was a short pause as Mr. Cake seemed to re-read the short statement that was written by Spike before giving out a loud sigh. “‘A cyclone of love that any mare would be lucky to enjoy,’ Spike the Dragon.” Mr. Cake said it in such a dry tone that Mac had to keep himself from laughing out loud along with several other stallions. All except Blue Blood, who laughed as loud as he could, he was quickly quieted when Tweak came up behind him and gave him the stink-eye of the century.
Spike took no notice of this, as he ran onto the stage into what he thought would be a wave of cheers like Braeburn had gotten. Instead, Sike just got a round of clapping that seemed to be just for pity instead of finding him attractive or worth bidding on. That was until a voice rose over the crowd of clapping.

“I love you Spike!” came the shout of Sweetie Belle. Mac had heard from AJ that the young filly had saved up bits since she had heard that Spike was going to be available. There was a chorus of ‘Awws’ emanating from the crowd now, and Mac could only imagine how red in the face that dragon was becoming.

“Sh-shut up!” Spike spluttered out, Mac felt sorry for the dragon, but was more sorry he couldn't see what was going on. As horrible as it sounded, he was glad there was now somepony else that might hate this night as much as me.

“Sweetie Belle and Spike sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” Came the singing of Scootaloo and Applebloom. Now, Mac couldn't help but to start laughing along with what seemed to be every other stallion in the back. How sorry he felt for Spike, but this was just too cute to hear to imagine how mortified Spike was. “First comes love! Then comes marriage! Then Spike with a foal carriage!”

“Shut up!” bellowed Spike, as more laughter erupted from the crowd. For as long as the cheers and cat-calls went on for Braeburn did the laughter go on for Spike. Finally, when it felt like his lungs were going to give from laughing too much, Mac heard Mr. Cake trying to calm the situation through his own laughter.

“Now, now Spike. It’s not nice to shout at the bidders. And at any rate,” he said, shooting the dragon a sly grin, “that’s no way to speak to your marefriend, now is it?”

“H-hey! She’s not my—”

“Now if you will take your spot over there with Braeburn. Our next bachelor for auction is a stallion of few words. No, it’s not Big Mac,” Mr. Cake said as a few mares gave grunts of disappointment. “But don’t let that fool any of you. He describes himself as ‘A stallion that loves to take moonlight walks around town. A lover of poetry of almost every kind, seeks to find a mare that would take him as is’...Bulk Biceps!” The large white pegasus trotted on to the stage to complete silence. Even Mac was finding it hard to believe it all himself.

Bulk likes poetry? Heck! Bulk knows how to write and read? Mac peered out from behind the curtain, trying to look around the other stallion who could see on stage. His vision was blocked by manes of different colors, all trying to get a look at Bulk after the sudden confession of the muscular Pegasus. Silence was still reigning over everything till finally the silence was broken only a way Bulk could break silence.

“YEAH!!!” The bulky Pegasus shouted, and at once the entire crowd erupted once again in cheers and applause.

“Well, it looks like this little auction is going to be full of surprises and twists,” Mr. Cake said over the microphone. “The next lovely stallion for all of you to bid on is sure to be a hefty price. ‘Second in command of the Wonderbolts, a sucker for a homemade apple pie, and just a fun loving pony’, I give you Soarin Nimbus!” Another roar of cheers came from the crowd as Soarin entered on stage. As Soarin enjoyed his few seconds of fame before the next stallion, two thought started to enter Mac’s mind.

Sucker for homemade apple pie? Mac repeated in his mind again and again. He could not understand why Soarin would write that on his description. It didn’t make him seem any more attractive to him at least. In fact, it seemed to be narrowing the field down to only a few mares, one of those mares being his sister. Waves of emotions were sent through Mac as he thought about this little stunt the blue Pegasus had played.

Anger; seeing that Soarin had not even told Mac what he was up to, or even Braeburn. Mac would be the first to admit that he had no right in saying who his sister dates, but still it felt like a hoof to the face to not even be clued in on what he was up to.
On the other hoof, Mac felt a swell of pride growing in his stomach. This stallion, even at an auction where any mare could bid on him, had made it known that his eyes were only on one pony, and even if she doesn’t win the bid on him, he didn’t want anypony else. Then there was the fact he liked apple pie; any stallion that likes apples was a good apple in his book. With that in mind, Mac turned his attention back to Mr. Cake, who was once again having trouble keeping the mares under control.

“Please, we still have many more stallions left! We are not even half way through!” Mr. Cake bellowed as the cheers started to die down. “Okay, next up, we have a stallion who has described himself as…” once more there was a long pause as Mac could only assume Mr. Cake was reading the card. “Before I read this, I would just like to point out I had no authority over what these stallions wrote down,” Cake said with a groan as he took a deep breath.

“The most handsome and beautiful prince in all of Equestria. Any mare that gazes upon his royal visage should be grateful to Celestia and Luna for allow a creature as gorgeous as I to grace your backwoods hick town tonight…Prince Blueblood,” Blueblood instantly jumped on stage from the back. Mac could only imagine the Prince strutting across stage like he owned the place. He was, however, greetedby a series of boos and the sound of a few things hitting the stage.

“Yo-you animals! I am royalty! I should not be treated in this manner! Don’t you know who my aunts are! This is a-Ow!” Mac could not help but lean close to the curtain just to see what had happen. Rolling a bit off stage was a bright red apple and Blueblood rubbing his forehead, a tear falling down his cheek. “Who threw that! I demand to know who-Ow!” Once again an apple hit Blueblood right in the forehead.

Curiosity got the better of Mac, who leaned out just a bit more to see who had thrown the apple. Out in the crowd, he could already recognize the group of his sister’s friends by the rainbow mane of Rainbow Dash. Sitting next to her was Applejack, who was handing another apple to Rarity who started to levitate it, ready to send another apple flying.

“If you all keep booing and throwing apples we’ll never get through the intros! Now Blueblood, take your place over there and wipe those tears off your face!” Cake shouted as Mac quickly pulled his head back thankful that nopony saw him.

“Now put your hooves together for our next stallion, who has described himself as ‘Future Wonderbolt in the making, a older brother who loves to play with his little brother and friends, and that nice guy that is always there’ Thunderlane!”

“Well, here goes everything,” Thunderlane said as he took a few steps forward before placing a rose in his mouth and turning towards the other stallions and giving them a wink.

“The mares are out there, genius,” Shock said with a groan. Mac shot him a look that was instantly greeted by Shock taking a large step away from the big red pony and towards Flash instead.

Thunderlane just shrugged as he spread his wings apart and took a running start from off stage before giving his wings a large flap and shooting himself into the air. Mac could only see him bank to the right and flying off stage. He assumed that Thunderlane was going for effect as he saw from where he was standing mares turning around following his movements in the sky. From what he could see of the mares, Thunderlane must have been doing loops of some kind and other tricks. Finally he came back to the stage to land, but at the last second, he tripped over his own hooves and fell, going head first into the stage and showing his flank to the audience.

A mixture of cheers, laughs, and whistles emanated from the crowd as Thunderlane tried to right himself. Mac could only shake his head and smile; any stallion who could stay on stage after a crash like that.

“You can show your flank during the swimsuit competition, Thunderlane,” Mr. Cake laughed as he tried to keep the mares under control, a job seeming to require the use of Royal Guards. “Now keep on moving over towards the others, and can somepony get Blueblood a handkerchief?” Cake said with a sigh, apparently the prince had not stopped crying yet. As the laughs and cheers started to die down once more, Cake began to speak.

“Up next, is a stallion not from around these parts, but came from Canterlot for this special event! ‘A career soldier in the Equestrian Royal Guard. A hopeless romantic who loves music, laughing, and... er, smokin joe,’ whatever that means. Ladies, say hello to Tweak!” Mr. Cake shouted and at once the white pony walked on stage.

Tweak strode confidently to the center of the stage to the sound of mostly polite applause and a few errant whistles. He took off his plumed helmet and placed it on the ground, smiling out at the crowd. Mac perked an ear as the stallion opened his mouth, curious as to how the gruff, foul-mouthed soldier would fare.

“Good evening to all you lovely ladies here in Ponyville,” Tweak said, his voice surprisingly suave tone. “It’s an honor to be here tonight. You have a beautiful town, though it pales in comparison to the beautiful mares I see tonight.” A wave of tittering laughter came from the crowd, and Tweak seemed to drink it in, his chest puffing out ever so slightly. “I look forward to taking one of you lucky ladies on a date, though as I look around, I think that I will end up being the lucky one.” He finished with a playful smirk and a wink, and earned a round of raucous applause and cheers from the charmed mares in the audience.

Mac’s jaw dropped; this was not the same pony who spewed such obscenities before, was it?

“It appears our friendly Royal Guardspony made quite an impression,” Mr. Cake said, once more center stage. “Well, you’re in luck, ladies, because we have yet another elite Guard on loan from Canterlot. ‘A shy, good-natured colt who loves to read, play guitar, and just wants a nice filly to call his own,’ please give a warm Ponyville welcome to Flash Sentry!”

In stark contrast to Tweak’s confident entrance, Flash seemed to tip-toe on stage, a light sheen of sweat already on his brow under the harsh lights and even harsher appraising gazes of the crowd. A few random cries of “d’aww” could be heard as he smiled nervously, instantly melting a few hearts with his coltish looks. “Uh... h-hi,” he said. “Well, I’m Flash, and, uh... it’s nice to be here.”

His eyes continued to flicker nervously across the crowd, until he apparently saw something that made his ears perk up and his tail to give an eager flick behind him. Mac leaned out as far as he dared from behind the curtain, knowing that if he showed his face too much, the crowd would explode and drown poor Flash out. Mac looked to where Flash was now showing a warm grin, and...

Well, slap mah flank an’ call me a mule. The shy, young colt was beaming right at none other than Princess Twilight Sparkle. Tweak must have been telling the truth when he said the young pegasus was keen on Twilight, and from what Mac could see, it may not have been a one-way street. The princesses wings were flared ever so slightly, and even at this distance, Mac could see the warm blush on her cheeks.

Mac had just enough time to notice this when a wall of white fur blocked his view of Twilight. Blinking, Mac saw Shining Armor glaring death at Flash. It was a look that Mac knew all too well, having given it to a few stallions over the years: Hooves off my baby sister.

Apparently, Flash noticed it, too. The pegasus’ wings gave a tiny flap, and he darted off stage, nearly bowling over Mr. Cake as he stood by the other stallions on stage.

“Uh... oooo-kay then,” Mr. Cake said, straightening his bow tie. “Next we have a stallion from Stalliongrad who has said he is ‘A former member of the 101st Special Forces of the Royal Guard who is as powerful as a platoon of soldiers, but really wants to find a mare that will wrap him their forelegs and let him be the softie he is who loves a good romance story.’ I present Shock n’ Awe!” Mac watched the blue pony walk halfway on stage before coming to a halt stand there as still as a statue. His right eye was twitching a bit, giving him a deranged look.

“What the buck?! I didn’t write that! I wrote how I once killed a minotaur with my bare hoo…” Shock was interrupted by a snigger of laughter from left stage, a laugh that Mac has come to recognize as Tweak’s. Shock glared at the giggling earth pony. “You bloody son of a mule! When I get my hooves on you!”

“Break it up you two!” Cake shouted loudly, as a scuffle could be heard on stage. The sound of more hooves were heard, seeming that more stallions had gotten mixed up between the fight of the military ponies. As the fighting continued, Mac felt that he needed to get involved as well; as much as he disliked this event, he knew deep down that it was for the good of the town, school, and if those two murdered one another there would be a lot of minds scarred for life.

Before Mac acted however, there was a large crack, a sound normally made by a powerful spell of some kind. At once the sound of scuffling hooves and cries died almost instantly. Silence fell over everything, not even the crowd made a noise at the sudden crack. Mac, Caramel, and Time Turner all looked at one another, trying to figure out between the three of them who might have caused the blast of power.

“Um...tha-thank you, Shining Armor,” Mr. Cake said, his voice cracking slightly out of fear. Clearing his voice, while trying to regain his composure, Mr. Cake started to introduce the next stallion. “Ou-our next stallion is a local pony that many of you will recognize. Describing himself as ‘The average stallion; he just simply wants to find a mare that finds him nice enough to actually pay for a date with him. Raised to respect mares and value work’ I give you Caramel Apple!” Mr. Cake shouted.

Caramel walked out to a mixed greeting, some of the mares thinking that the card was describing Mac instead of Caramel. A large amount seemed to still be applauding and cheering for the timid stallion as he walked out. Mac watched from off stage as his friend walked out, obviously taken back by the welcome and seemed almost wanting to turn and run back off stage. But looking back at Mac, he gave a nod and walked forward his head raised and looking like a million bits.

“Dibs! I call dibs!” a pony shouted out from the crowd. Caramel turned towards the crowd at once, looking around for the mysterious mare that was already calling for him. The mare in question was soon muffled however for only soft screams could be heard as other mares tried to silence her. Either hiding her outburst, as Mac hoped, or because they wanted to speed up his part like he dreaded. Cake just laughed, however, as Caramel took his place by the others.

“We seem to have quite the show going; some of you already know your marks and I wish the best of luck to you!” Cake said, still laughing as he did so. As he did, Time Turner and Mac looked at one another, the last two stallions to go.
“Good luck out there partner,” Mac said, raising his hoof for Time Turner.

“Th-thanks Mac, you to,” the brown stallion laughed, bumping hooves with Mac as Cake’s voice echoed over the crowd again.
“Our next stallion has a doctorate in theoretical physics, Thaumatic Field Theory, and a lot of other things I don’t know how to say, Time Turner! Or as we all like to call him, Dr. Whooves!” The crowd started to cheer for the new stallion with an almost deafening ring.

Time Turner had a blush covering his face now, he looked a bit embarrassed as the cheers became louder. “Maybe I shouldn't have written all of that down…” he said nervously. “And why does everypony call me Dr. Whooves? I just don’t understand it,” he sighed before walking out on stage to even greater cheers. Mac watched as he gave a weak wave on stage before moving out of sight, where Mac assumed where all the other stallions were standing, showing off still to increase the amount of bits they will go for.

Mac took a deep breath as he looked around the now empty changing room. Feeling his stomach fill with butterflies as sweat started to roll down his face. He was as nervous as a cat in a rocking chair factory. He could barely hear what Mr. Cake was reading off his card as the crowd began to become louder and louder. He was up to face the wolves. With a deep breath Mac took one shaking step on stage and let the bright light wash over as well as fear, dread, and embarrassment.

Chapter 5: Backstage Flirtation

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Chapter 5: Backstage Flirtation

Rainbow Dash watched as Time Turner gave a bit of a bow as the audience cheered for him. Some mare in the crowd let loose a shrill wolf whistle that only seemed to make the brown stallion blush more. Blushing furiously, he made his way over to the other stallions and the lone dragon. All of them were smiling, still trying make themselves look as amazing as they could. Except for Blueblood, who still had a few tears rolling down his face.

“Can’t say Ah’ve ever seen a group of stallions trying so hard to impress a group of mares,” Applejack laughed, looking at all of them with a delighted smile.

“Well, I must say AJ, I am quite impressed,” Rarity laughed, her eyes dancing over the crowd of gathered stallions. “There are quite a few I already feel like bidding on, but the best is yet to come. Isn’t it, Rainbow?”

Rainbow’s wings twitched as she looked over at Rarity, who was wearing a smug grin. “Shut up,” she growled back as the sound of Mr. Cake’s voice boomed over the speakers again.

“Now then, it’s time to reveal our last stallion,” he announced, and a raucous cheer erupted from the amassed ponies. Mr. Cake looked over the crowd a bit, giving them a few extra seconds to cheer than he had allowed for the other stallions. It was the moment most of them had been waiting for: the grand reveal of the big red work pony they had all came to see and bid on.

“Describing himself as ‘a simple Apple, just doing this as a favor to his sisters and friends,’ I give to you Big Macintosh Apple!” Mr. Cake voice was drowned out as the crowd almost went into a frenzy as Big Mac walked on to stage. It was obvious, from almost any distance, that the amount of cheers he got startled the stallion as he took an involuntary step backwards in surprise.

As Dash looked up at the stage—totally and completely not blushing and fighting to keep her wings at her side, thank you very much—she, for the first time since this whole thing started, thought about her and Mac. Was she really considering bidding on him? Dating him? Up on stage, Mac was blushing so hard that it was visible even under his apple-red fur, one massive forehoof scuffing against the stage. This did nothing to silence the constant cheers and wolf-whistles from nearly every mare in the audience, which had the unfortunate effect of making Mac fidget just that much more.

Look at him, Dash mused. He's scared stiff up there! She knew he was shy, but come on! If it was her up there, she would have been soaking in the adoration, preening and strutting her stuff for the world.

The thought brought a slight crease to her brow. This was just one of the many ways they were so... opposite. She was a brash glory-hound; he was shy and reserved. She lived a mile a minute; he lived the slowest pace imaginable. She was loud and proud; he was known for only saying two words, like, ever! So... did she really, really like Mac? Or was she just like all these other mares: blinded by the muscular frame and good looks.

The howl of the crowd was finally dying out. When an awkward silence replaced it, Mac cleared his throat and out on the winningest grin he could. "Uh... howdy, Ponyville!" The crowd roared again for several moments. "Ah, Ah-Ah wanna thank y'all fer comin' down to this here, uh..."

"Event?" Mister Cake offered.

"Eeyup!" A wave of tittering laughter followed his trademark phrase. "Well, ah'll admit, I weren't too keen on this whole thing to begin with." The entire crowd was glued to him; this was the most they had ever heard him say at one time. "But this here's fer the foals, an' the town, an' my pappy told me that any stallion who wouldn't chip in fer his neighbors weren't no stallion at all. So, uh... um…” Mac started to look around nervously.

Even at the distance Dash was at, it was obvious that he was sweating like no other, as the bright lights shone on him, and every eye in the audience was fixed on him. A slight tremor could be seen in his legs, as they started to shake out of pure nervousness. His bright green eyes were darting back and forth, as if they were looking for something or somepony to save him. Oh Celestia, he looks like he is going to faint, Dash thought, shaking her head at the sight and averting her eyes from the struggling stallion and looking down at the ground. He might look good, but if he’s this nervous about something like this, there is no way a date with him wouldn't be pure tor-

“So Ah’m gonna put ma best hoof forward, and try to do all Ah can to help this town,” Mac said, his voice loud and clear. Rainbow looked up at Mac, and felt her heart begin to race. He had straightened himself out, no longer hunched over like a beaten dog, but like the full grown strong stallion he was. His broad chest stuck out proudly, and the lights of the stage outlined the muscles under his coat, sculpted from years of farm work. Every mare looked up at him and started to applaud and cheer all at once, seeing him in all the glory they so often associated him with. Rainbow Dash saw something else entirely.

In a span of a few seconds, he had changed his whole appearance from one of pure nervousness, to one of pure determination. His expression had changed back to stoic, but she saw the determination in those green eyes, one that she only saw in athletes or herself before a competition.

“Well, then, that concludes the introductions! Now if you lovely mares will wait a few minutes, we’ll come back with the talent segment of the show!” Mr. Cake announced, as the curtains started to fall to conceal the stage from the mares. “If those who have been chosen for judge duties please report to the front of the stage for your assignments, we can get this done a bit faster,” Mr Cake added as he started to make his way backstage as well. There was still a bit of clapping and cheering going on for a few moments before the excitement started to die down, and the chatting of mares.

“Well, this is shaping into quite a show,” Rarity said with a laugh, standing up and giving a light stretch. “Hopefully this talent segment will narrow down my choices.” Rarity said as she started to make her way towards the stage.

“Where you goin’ Rarity?” Applejack asked as Pinkie Pie also got up and started to bounce in the same direction as Rarity.

“Oh? Did I not I tell you girls? Pinkie and I are judges for the talent competition,” Rarity said with a chuckle, as Pinkie nodded happily as she kept bouncing towards the stage. Soon the pair disappeared into the crowd leaving the rest sitting where they were. That was until Applejack got up and started to head towards the stage as well.

“Where are you going?” Twilight asked, sitting up. Rainbow and Fluttershy followed suit as Applejack turned back towards them.

“Ah’m gonna go check on ma brother,” Applejack said matter-of-factly. “After that much attention, Ah just know he’s in a bit of shock and probably needs his sister’s encouragement to keep on goin,” she said as she kept going through the crowd. She took a few more steps forward before looking back at her friends with a grin. “Ah’m sure if ya’ll tag along, you can get a backstage pass to see those stallions y’all are so interested in.” She laughed, loving how red each one of their face’s got at the comment.

“A-are you sure th-they would even allow us b-back there?” Fluttershy asked, looking down at the ground instead at any of her friends.

Applejack looked back with a shrug. “Don’t know. But Ah reckon bein’ related to two of em’ stallions is enough to get me back there. If that don’t work, we got a Princess with us, so they might bend the rules fer us,” Applejack looked right to Twilight’s, whose face turned a shade deeper red, as her wings twitched.

“Applejack! I am not going to abuse my title to just get backstage,” Twilight hissed, looking at Applejack with such a look that one might have believed Applejack might have been caught acting treason against all of Equestria.

“Aw, come on now Twilight,” Applejack laughed, walking back to Twilight and putting a hoof around her. “We’re not goin’ to ‘abuse yer title!’ We’re just... not hiding the fact yer a Princess,” Applejack said with a grin. “Now don’t tell me ya don’t want to go talk to that Flash Sentry feller,” Applejack whispered, looking over Twilight to see Shining Armor standing a few feet away, talking to his wife.

Twilight’s face seemed to turn another shade redder as she looked at her brother, before looking back at her friends. “Well...I guess it wouldn't hurt to go say hi to Big Mac and wish him luck,” Twilight said with a sigh.

Applejack grinned, then turned to Rainbow.“Ah’m sure you want to wish ma brother luck, or maybe somethin a bit more.”

“Pfft! Don’t pretend this is all for your brother,” Rainbow said with a smirk of her own. “You just want to go back there and meet up with Soarin. It’s so obvious he’s all slobbering over you now,” Rainbow laughed, taking a step forward towards Applejack, challenging her to prove her wrong.

Applejack didn’t give the reaction Rainbow had wanted, for she simply shrugged and started to lead the way to the back entrance. “That stallion is always tryin to find a way under ma skin!”

“Or trying to find a way into your bed,” Rainbow laughed, making Applejack turn around sharply and send a chilling glare at her.

“Say that again, feather brain. You won’t be able to bid on ma big brother with two broken wings.”

The threat only made Rainbow grin wider. “Or trying to-”

“Stallions, please! No more fighting! What is in the past is past, just concentrate on what you are going to do for your next segment! If I catch you two trying to come to blows again I will personally see you kicked out of this auction!” The four mares turned their attention to the large tent that was set up behind stage for the stallions. It seemed that Mr. Cake was still trying to keep the stallion calm by any means possible.

The tent looked like it was meant to be used for a circus with how large it was. It was a dark blue color with no flaps for windows and only one entrance. The entrance had two grey stallions by it, both wearing sunglasses, dark suits, and had a earpiece in both of their ears. Though Rainbow Dash and the others could not see their eyes, it was obvious that they were looking right at them. Applejack approached the entrance, not seeming discouraged by their appearances. Before she could get any further the two stallions stepped closer together to block her path.

“Nopony except contestants allowed,” the one on the right growled, his voice low and harsh. This didn’t seem to phase Applejack, who looked up at the pony with an almost amused look, at all.

“Ah’m sure you can make an exception seein’ that ma brother is one of em’ contestants, along with ma cousin,” Applejack said. She was smiling as she did, but the two ponies didn’t seem to care.

“If you're not a contestant, no entry,” the other pony said, neither one of them budging from where they stood. Applejack took a step back and shook her head.

“Well, sorry, Princess Twilight, looks like were not gettin in to see ma brother to wish him luck,” Both ponies seemed to straighten as they looked from Applejack to Twilight, who was looking to Applejack in surprise, but then gave a weak smile to both ponies when she noticed them looking. The two looked at one another for a moment before back at Twilight.

“Uh...I guess, if it’s a Princess,” one said, looking a the other for support.

“They never said anything about Royalty...and usually guests of Royalty are supposed to be treated as such as well...right?” the two ponies seemed to be confused about what to do, obviously not expecting this kind of situation to arise. After a few more moments of debate, the two ponies stepped apart allowing access for the party to continue.

“Sorry for delaying you, your highness,” both of them said in unison, bowing as Twilight walked by. She gave a sheepish grin to both of them as she followed Applejack and Rainbow Dash inside, followed by Fluttershy. As soon as they entered the tent, they were greeted by either one of the most humorous, or alluring, sights they had ever seen.

Each stallion in the tent seemed to be trying to make himself look more presentable, showing off to one another, and preparing for whatever their talent was going to be. Braeburn had cleared an area around himself and was practicing with a rope. He had it clenched in his teeth as he spun it above him for a few minutes before bringing it almost to the ground, spinning it all the way and having it almost hovering above the ground.

A few feet away from him was Thunderlane, who was jogging in place it seemed as he flapped his wings every so often. It wasn’t a strong enough flap to get him airborne, but enough to demonstrate his wingspan and power. Around the room it was familiar sight, every stallion was preparing for the next part of the auction.

The stallions in the tent were preparing themselves and looking forward to the event, all except one large red pony, who was standing in the corner and looking out of place. Rainbow looked Mac over. He was just sitting there, head lowered, and his eyes looking up every once in awhile to look at the other stallions. He looked like a dog who had been caught being bad, and was now sulking in a corner trying to look as sorry as it could be.

Applejack didn’t waste anytime as she headed over to her brother. Mac didn’t see her approach, for when she threw her forelegs around his large neck, the large pony’s eyes went wide in surprise as he looked down to see that it was his sister that was hugging him.

“Why you lookin’ so glum, Mac? Ya did great out there!” Applejack said with a large smile, patting his large head. “Not one pony got as much of applause as you did Mac. If you don’t fetch the highest price by the end of this here night, Ah’m gonna let Rarity give me a makeover,” she said with a confident laugh, as the other approached him.

“Evenin, Princess Twilight, Miss Fluttershy, and Miss Dash,” Mac said, noticing the appearance of his sister’s friends.

“Pl-please, Mac, you don’t have to call me Princess,” Twilight said with a wave of her hoof, a light blush on her face. Rainbow knew that she was not used to the title of Princess yet, and many ponies in town still just called her Twilight, but Mac, being the gentlecolt he was, always referred to her as her title.

“A-and y-you don’t have to call me Miss,” Fluttershy said with a slight squeak, she was looking around the room taking notice of the other stallions, who were noticing the presence of four mares in the room with them now.

Rainbow couldn't look Mac directly in the eyes, not after admitting to all her friends she had a crush on him. Being around him was awkward at best now, and the worst part was, Mac didn’t even seem to notice the change in her attitude, and how she hadn’t said anything yet.

“You getting a makeover? Now I would pay a fortune to see that!” all heads turned to see none other than Soarin approaching the group. He had a wide toothy grin spread across his face, as he made a direct path for Applejack.

“Calm yerself, playcolt,” Applejack laughed, as she pressed her hoof against the advancing Soarin’s chest and pushed him back. “Ah got no pies to sell ya, so keep all that sweet talk to yerself,” she took a step towards Big Mac with a confident grin on her face. “Besides, ya keep comin at me with them advances, Ah might have Big Mac here teach ya a lesson,” Big Mac and Soarin locked eyes for a moment, before Soarin threw his foreleg around Mac’s neck.

“What? Big Mac and I are friends, there is no way he would lay a hoof on his best friend in the whole wide world,” Soarin joked as he looked up at Mac’s face. Mac was still facing forward, his stoic expression coming over his face again.

“Really?” Applejack asked, looking at Mac’s stoic expression. “Ah might be inclined to believe yer just tryin’ to get closer to me so ya can get nice and cozy with Mac here, like yer doing right now,”. At once, Soarin took his hoof back as Applejack laughed. “Heard a rumor the other day that you might be more into stallions that you are mares.”

“Just because Thunderlane and I accidently kissed when we crashed into one another doesn’t means I’m gay!” Soarin practically shouted, making Thunderlane turn a shade of red that not even his dark coat could hide. “Spitfire just had to spread that rumor because the two of us skipped the practice after that. I freakin broke my nose!” Everypony in the tent had turn their attention now to Soarin, their eyes moving from him to Thunderlane, who was trying hard to shield his face.

“Wow...Ah didn’t even know there was a rumor. Ah was just makin it up,” Applejack laughed. “But Ah got to say, you and Thunderlane might make a cute little couple.” Soarin just gave a growl of discomfort when a loud booming voice got all their attention.

“If that’s the case, how about the two of ya go on a little date and let the rest of us stallions fill in for ya, raise our prices up some,” Braeburn made his way over to them, the rope snugged tightly around his broad chest as he laughed. “Great seein’ yall again!” Braeburn said, smiling at each of his cousins friends, but his eyes lingering on Fluttershy. “And mind Ah say it’s a great pleasure seein’ you again, Miss Fluttershy,” Braeburn said with a tilt of his hat.

He then reached for her foreleg with his own and lifted it into the air, then bent forward and kissed it lightly. “Ah’m sorry Ah havn’t been able to respond to yer letters faster, hard to match yer news with mine most of the time,” he laughed, as Fluttershy’s face turned a shade of red that nopony there had ever seen before. At the jest, Applejack walked over to the pair and pushed Braeburn back a little.

“Don’t you go playin’ with ma friend’s feelings,” she said with a growl, “Don’t you dare think Ah haven’t heard stories about you and some mares back in Appleossa.” Braeburn took a step back, a more than obvious fake look of shock crossing his face, as he placed a hoof to chest.

“Now don’t tell me yer like the rest now A.J; thinkin that them awful rumors are true,” he took a step forward and sat down, taking off his hat and placing it over his heart. “Ah’m an honest, good will, and law abiding stallion that never take advantage of any mare,” his eyes looked over all Applejack’s friends and gave them a warm smile. “Just mares that didn’t catch ma fancy spreading dirty rumors about me. Ah wouldn't believe a single one of em.”

“Oh really? Ah remember you tellin’ Big Mac here a very descriptive story about a show mare and-”

“So! Miss Fluttershy, how is that bunny of yours? The last you told me here he was now afraid of baths or somethin’ like that,” Braeburn quickly asked. He took a few steps towards Fluttershy and started to guide her to another part of the tent away from Applejack.

While this was happening, Twilight had made her way over to the far corner of the room. Flash Sentry sat before a hastily set up mirror, frowning as he fussed with his wild mane.

Twilight took a steadying breath, then spoke. "I never took you for the vain type."

His mane instantly forgotten, Flash leapt to his hooves only to bow deeply. "Good evening, your—"

"Ugh, don't you start that, too!" Twilight's hoof shot to her mouth to cover her embarrassed smirk. "Heh, sorry. It's just... I'm not quite used to the whole bowing thing. And you're not on duty right now, so please just call me Twilight, okay?"

Hesitantly, Flash rose back to his hooves. "Of course, er, Twilight." He smiled that easy-going—and yes, dreamy, though she would never admit such things to Rarity ever again—smile of his, and Twilight felt a little flutter in her gut. "And no, I'm not usually so prim, I guess, but it's a special occasion, so I kinda want to look my best."

"Oh?" Twilight said with a sly grin. "Trying to impress an entire town of mares, so you better clean up?"

"Well, not 'the entire town.’ In fact," Flash gulped, mustering his confidence, and looked up from the floor to lock eyes with her, "maybe just—"

A flicker of movement behind her. Flash glanced over her right shoulder and his heart about stopped. There, on the other side of the tent, was Tweak. Staring right at him.

Smiling.

"Uh, Flash?" Twilight smiled awkwardly. Flash's bright orange coat had all but turned ghostly white.

"Uh, I... I-I-I..." There was no malice in the former Drill Sergeant's grin. It seemed almost like he was genuinely... happy.

"Is everything okay?" Twilight turned her gaze to whatever it was that spooked the pegasus. "Oh, hello Sergeant Tweak!"

"Ma'am," he said brightly, nodding his head.

Flash gulped. Drill Sergeant never smiles. Drill Sergeant never smiles!

Twilight waved back then turned to Flash. "Is something—"

"I gotta go okay princess I mean Twilight I mean I'm gonna go bye!" Flash was gone in a flash, his mind screaming with the horrors of the past.

Twilight blinked. "Um... o-okay."

Mac watched as Soarin led his sister, Braeburn, and Fluttershy away, just leaving him and Rainbow Dash. He would have thought the claimed ‘Future Wonderbolt’ would have gone like the rest of them, but instead she stood there with him in the tent. She did seem off her game, however. The normally confident, brash, and no nonsense flyer Applejack always described seemed to be uneasy about the situation. Mac thought that she wanted to leave, but might have found it rude just to leave him alone.

“So Mac…” she said, not looking up at him but rather focussing on the ground. “Uh...you're really big you know?” she looked up at him now, the uneasiness showing in her face.

“Eeyup. That’s why they call me Big Mac,” he responded. He found it a bit strange that she was commenting on something like that, but he didn’t mind. It was nice to have somepony to talk to that wasn’t obsessed with this auction.

“Ya...duh,” she grumbled to herself, Mac raised an eyebrow at this. She looked around the tent a bit more before setting her eyes back on him. She looked determined about something, the flux in her attitude shifting surprised Mac a bit.

“Well, you also have some really green eyes! Like super green eyes!” she practically shouted, making Mac take a step back in surprise. She seemed to notice, and at once slammed a hoof against her head. “I mean, they are green...you know?”

“Eeyup,” Mac replied, looking down at the mare in a mix of confusion and surprise. So far, this had been the longest conversation he had with this mare, and he wasn’t even sure this should count as a conversation due to her odd behavior. She just kept looking up at him, her eyes focused on him for some reasons like she had some unknown thought about him.

Then , Mac noticed something strange going on with her eyes. Was she winking at him? No, both her eyes were doing it but they didn’t seem to be closing at the same time, or when they did she was opening and closing them at a rapid pace that it almost was a blue blur.

“You okay, Miss Dash? Got something stuck in yer eyes?”

“What?! Something stuck in my-no! I was try to-oh forget it!” Rainbow Dash huffed, sitting down and blowing some of her mane out of her face. Mac just looked down at her as she grumbled. He was now even more confused than he was before. She was grumbling something incoherently, her face down and not looking at him.

“Ah’m sorry, Miss Dash, Ah didn’t mean ta hurt yer feelin’s if Ah did,” he said, lowering his head in apology. Rainbow just snorted as she looked up at him.

“You didn’t hurt my feelings; I’m Rainbow Dash!” she exclaimed, pounding her chest and spreading her wings. “It’s impossible to hurt my feelings, you big lug,” she said, giving his shoulder a hard punch, which made the large stallion laugh.

“That’s good,” Mac laughed as he looked down at Rainbow, before looking up at Soarin and all the others. “Wonder what they're all talkin’ about,” he asked, as he watched Braeburn say something that just made the yellow Pegasus turn a shade darker red, as Applejack smacked the back of her cousins head.

Before Rainbow could give a reply, Mr. Cake’s voice cut over all the noise in the tent.

“Okay, stallions! Five minutes till show time! Get your talents and skills ready, for you only have two more attempts to make those mares fall for you!” Mr. Cake laughed, as all the stallions in the room got to their hooves and started to line up again.

“Well, Ah gotta get goin’ Miss Dash,” Mac said, getting up a look of dread coming over his face.

“Hey, don’t worry! You're going to kill it, Mac!” Rainbow laughed, giving him another bump on the shoulder. “You already got this competition in the bag!” she said, as Applejack, Twilight, and Fluttershy came over to the pair.

“Come on, Sugarcube, we gotta get goin’ to get our spot back,” Applejack said, as she turned towards her brother and gave him a peck on the cheek. “Show em’ all what a real Apple Stallion can do, brother!”

“Eeyup” Mac responded as he gave a nod to both Twilight and Fluttershy as they left as well, both of their faces still a bit red. As Mac turned towards the line, a foreleg found it’s way around his neck and pulled him into a hug of sorts.

“Woohee, Mac! Those girls are sure somethin’!” Braeburn laughed as he held Mac close, “That Fluttershy is cuter than Ah remembered! Nearly fainted when Ah saw em’ eyes again,” he laughed, as he letting Mac go as he started to trot towards the front of the line, obviously energetic to the maximum about his encounter with Fluttershy. “And flycolt over here seems to have an eye on your sister,” Braeburn laughed passing Soarin.

Soarin just shrugged and laugh as he looked over at Mac. “Hey now, don’t take everything this guy says seriously, I have only known him for a few minutes but he seems to love to over exaggerate everything,” Soarin said, not getting much of a response from Mac. “Well, don’t go judging me or anything Mr. Mare-killer, you and Rainbow seemed to be getting quite comfortable over there,” to this Mac gave a short snort.

“She just felt bad fer me, that’s all,” Mac grunted, “Now get yer mind out of the gutters,” Mac said, as he took his place at the end of the line. He still had no idea what he was going to do for his talent, he never gave it too much thought, and now, he only had a few minutes to come up with something.

Chapter 6: The Secret Talents of Those Stallions Part 1

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Chapter 6: The Secret Talents of those Stallions

Rainbow, Applejack, Twilight, and Fluttershy made their way back into the crowd just in time to see Mr. Cake reappear on stage. This time, he was not in his normal apron and hat, instead wearing what looked like a old tuxedo. Rainbow chortled to herself at the strained buttons and the stiff way he walked; he had put on some weight since the last time he wore the thing.

“Hello again, all you wonderful mares! I am sure you are just as excited as I am to get this show on the road! Am I right?” Mr. Cake just grinned at the deafening roar that followed. “Well, that’s perfect, because these stallions just can’t wait to show off their special talents for all of you! There is always more to a stallion than rugged good looks and cutie marks, for we each house a talent that can only come out when we want to show the mare of our dreams who we really are!” As the cheering took over again, Rainbow noticed that Mr. Cake was not looking out at the crowd this time, but a little to stage left where Mrs. Cake stood, shaking her head slightly and laughing.

“But, before those stallions can come out, let’s meet our judges!” The curtain pulled open and a spotlight broke through the darkness to illuminate a table sitting on the far left of the stage. “Our first judge of tonight’s talent competition is Ponyville’s own expert on grace, eloquence, and fashion: Miss Rarity Belle!” Rainbow immediately rolled her eyes as she watched Rarity bask in the roar of the crowd. Rarity waved to them, held her head up a bit higher, and looked like the high class pony she had always made herself to be.

“Oh, thank you, Mister Cake! I am so excited to be here,” Rarity said, waving to the crowd. “I just can’t wait to see what talents those stallions have prepared for us. Also, being this close to the action might help me decide which lucky one will be earning my bits,” Rarity added with a wink as a murmur of laughter and whistles came out from the crowd.

“Uh, yes... I’m glad that we can help you with your decision-making process.” Mr. Cake pulled at his bowtie a bit before clearing his throat. “Our next judge is joining us all the way from Canterlot! Known as one of the most influential ponies in the land, and a true expert on being a gentlecolt, please help me give a big Ponyville welcome to the pony everypony should know, Lord Fancy Pants!” Cake shouted as the white unicorn in a suit waved to the crowd and adjusted his monocle with his magic.

“Thank you, kind sir, and thank you, Miss Rarity, for inviting me to this little soiree,” Fancy said, gesturing to Rarity, who blushed slightly and just waved at him. “I am glad to lend a hoof for charity. Plus, my wife demanded that I, oh, how did she put it... ‘scope out the competition’.” These last words were greeted by thunderous applause and several laughs.

“Well, thank you very much for taking the time out of your busy schedule to help. How about we move out to our next judge, who everypony knows as their friend, always bubbling over with excitement. My niece, Pinkie Pie!” Once more, the crowd broke out in applause as the energetic mare waved to the ponies in the crowd, bouncing over to the table.

“This is so exciting! I would like to thank my Uncle Cake for allowing me to be a judge, Rarity for suggesting me to be a judge, my mom for giving birth to me so I could be a judge, and I would also want to thank–”

“Pinkie, this isn’t a competition. You don’t need to thank everypony that had some influence on this.” Carrot moved the mic away from his mouth, trying to make the cut off as subtle as possible.

“I know! I just want to thank everypony there is! Otherwise I wouldn't be a good friend! Oh! Then I have to thank my best friends of course and all the moms and dads in Ponyville for making such good looking stallions to bid on! And of course I have to thank Captain Jake the Unstoppable Army Guy!”

“Um... o-okaay! Now, our judges tonight are only here to give their own review on the talent, so don’t let what they say influence your decision on who to bid for. So, without further delay, let’s welcome back to the stage Braeburn Apple and his one-stallion rodeo act!” The spotlight on Mr. Cake turned off while another one turned its powerful light on Braeburn, who was entering stage right, waving to the cheering mares as he walked towards center stage.

Once there, Braeburn took off his hat and gave a deep bow to the audience, which only seemed to add fuel to the fire of applause that just kept going. As he stood back up, he placed his hat back on and gave the audience a sly grin. Rainbow noticed that there was a rope wrapped around his chest, which appeared to be the same one that he had been using in the back when they had visited Mac.

As the cheering started to die down, Braeburn pulled the rope off himself, showing that it was a lasso with a very large loop. He let it gather on the floor beside him as he held the end of it in his mouth. Adjusting his stance so his hindlegs were further apart than his forelegs, Braeburn lurched his head backwards to send of the rope flying into the air so he could catch with his mouth further up the length.

He then jerked his head to the left, slightly bringing up then end of the loop over his head. Jerking his head to the right, he made the loop swing above before it started to fall back towards the ground. From there, Braeburn made subtle movements with his head, allowing the lasso to spin above him with what seemed to be absolute ease.

With a turn of his head, the rope was now spinning perfectly beside him at a ninety-degree angle. Then, in a flash, Braeburn jumped sideways through the loop, pulling his head to the left to pull the rope towards him as he moved through. Coming out the other side, he kept the lasso spinning as he jumped through the opening again.

Each time he did, he was greeted by a thunderous applause, but the cowpony was nowhere near done. As he jumped through the loop for a fourth time, he started to gradually spin the rope back over his head. Now, his movements with his head and neck got much more pronounced as the large loop hovered above him. He started to spin the lasso slower until it was falling from the air and was circling Braeburn, hovering a few inches from the ground.

Braeburn then jumped out of the loop, landing right outside of it as he kept the lasso spinning. Then, he jerked it back towards himself. Once more, he jumped over the loop and was soon jumping back and forth over the loop. Again, the country stallion was greeted by a wave of applause as he continued the trick for a few more moments, sweat running down his face as he did a few more jumps.

On his last jump, Braeburn jumped into the middle of the loop once more and started to make the rope rise around him. With a quick jerk of his head, the lasso tightened around his neck as he tossed the end in his mouth towards the judges. It landed right in front of Rarity as the rope snugged around his neck. Looking at Rarity, he gave a wink to her before facing the audience again and giving a deep bow, to which he got a standing ovation, wolf whistles, and cat calls of almost every kind.

“Ya got ta be bucking kidding me.” Applejack groaned as she watched her cousin bow to the mountainous cheering that was thrown his way. He gave another wink to Rarity, whose white fur could not hide the blush that was growing. “Just as Ah thought, that no-good playcolt is just showin’ off ta every mare he can.”

“W-well, it is a auction. He’s just trying to get as many bits as possible.” Fluttershy squeaked as she watched Braeburn prance about the stage a bit more as he wrapped the rope around himself again.

“Ah know ya got a bit of a crush on him, sugar, but Ah know ma cousin and he is a playcolt at heart. Playin’ around with him is just like playin with fire; yer gonna get yerself burned.”

“Yeah, Brae-burned!” Rainbow added before bursting into a fit of laughter so intense that she fell onto her back, snorting between each burst of laughter, her legs kicking as she did so. Twilight gave an indignant snort at Rainbow as she placed a wing around Fluttershy to comfort her, who looked down at the ground, trying to hide her face.

“Don’t listen to them, Fluttershy. If you really like Braeburn, you can find to make it work,” Twilight said, with a genuine smile. “Besides, from what I saw back there, Braeburn might like you as much as you like him.” She put as much good will as she could into her statement, which seemed to make the shy pegasus smile a bit.

“Let’s give one last round of applause to Braeburn and his amazing rodeo tricks!” Mr. Cake’s voice boomed over the speakers as Braeburn gave a few last bows before trotting off stage with his head held high. “Now then, let’s see what our judges have to say.” The spotlight fell back on the three judges, who each had a white sheet of paper in front of them.

Rarity was the first to go up, revealing an eight that she was fanning herself with due to her face still being a bit red. The next was Fancy Pants, who gave a seven, a bemused smile on his face. The last was Pinkie Pie, who held up a picture of a cookie.
“Uh, Pinkie… A cookie is not a number,” Mr. Cake laughed nervously and shook his head.

“I know, silly! I just think cookies are super amazing and Braeburn did a super amazing job!” she said with a large grin, which earned her a mix of sighs and laughs.

“Well, let’s just call that a seven then.” Carrot laughed as he looked down at his cue cards to remember which contestant was next.
“Please welcome back to the stage, the little dragon with a lot of heart, Spike! And his lovely assistant Rumble!” There were a few scattered laughs throughout the crowd, along with a welcoming applause as Spike and Rumble appeared on stage. Spike was wearing the tuxedo he had worn to the Royal Gala, top hat and all, which only served to make Twilight facehoof. Rumble, who wore a black bowtie, pushed a cart on stage that was covered in a red tarp.

The pair made their way to center stage, waving the entire way, while making some small bows, as if trying to imitate what Braeburn had done a few moments earlier. There were bouts of giggles as the pair did this, but they didn’t seem to mind as they started to set up for their part of the show.

“Fillies and gentlecolts!” Spike announced. “Tonight, you shall be amazed with feats of talent that have never been attempted by ponies or dragons to date! The stunts that you are about to see are done by professionals and should not be attempted by anypony who has not trained and prepared like we have!” Spike’s voice carried across the crowd with ease as Rumble began to pull the tarp off the cart, but stopped halfway through.

“Spike, we only practiced this a few times, and barely got it right. Are we still professionals?” Rumble whispered, but it heard by all since he was still close to the microphone.

“Dude, don’t let them know! It breaks the illusion. Besides, we got this,” Spike whispered back.
Shrugging, Rumble pulled the rest of the tarp off the small cart to reveal several yellow balls on top of it. Spike took three of them, two in one claw and one in the other.

“Tonight, we will show you the world’s greatest juggling act!”

“Oh, thank Celestia,” Twilight said, letting out a sigh of relief as Spike started to juggle the three balls he had picked up to a welcoming applause. “For a minute there, I thought he was going to do something wild and crazy.” She laughed. However, her relief did not last long, for once the three balls had gone full circle in Spike’s claws, he took a deep breath and sent a gout of emerald fire at each ball, setting them ablaze.

“Now, Rumble!” Spike called, as all attention now focused on the grey colt, who had three more balls ready in his wings. Tossing them over to Spike, the new balls also caught on fire as Spike juggled them all. It almost seemed like Spike was controlling an ever-spinning ring of green fire in his claws as he tossed each ball into the air, catching another green fireball at the same time.

“Eeek!” Twilight held a foreleg to her chest while she watched the display as her assistant/friend/sorta-brother/sorta-son juggled the balls of fire. “I have to stop him! That’s too dangerous! Oh, I knew I shouldn't have let him enter! He’s going to hurt himself!” Twilight was now in full mother mode, as she spread her wings, getting ready to fly on stage and stop the dangerous act.

“Hold on there, sugarcube,” Applejack grabbed Twilight by her tail, bring the Princess back to the ground and landing on her rump hard. “Don’t go and interrupt his act. Look at ‘im! He’s havin’ the time of his life up there, and listen to that crowd.” Twilight looked back at Applejack as if she was about to attack before looking back at the stage.

Spike had a wide grin on his face as he juggled the nine green fireballs in his claws, keeping them going at an even pace and creating a very impressive ring of fire. As he did this, the cheers and applause from the audience grew louder, now rivaling what Braeburn had received.

“I-I guess he is doing okay,” Twilight whispered. “But at least he could have told me what he was doing.”

“Okay, Rumble! Add the last three balls!” Spike shouted.

“But Spike, we only got you to juggle twelve balls once before. Are you sure? We almost set the Everfree Forest on fire last time, remember?”

“They almost what?!” Twilight shouted, both Applejack and Rainbow Dash now struggling to hold the alicorn back.

“Easy, there! Ah’m sure it will be okay!” Applejack said, trying to sound as calm as possible. Rumble grudgingly tossed the last three balls towards Spike, each one catching on fire as they entered the ring. At once, the ring became larger and brighter, making the audience applaud even louder as Spike kept on juggling.

Spike was grinning widely as he kept the twelve balls going in the air, moving his claws as fast as he could to keep the illusion alive. He looked over at the judges and could see each one of them were blown away by the act, or, at least, he thought they all were. Pinkie had somehow gotten a stick with a marshmallow at the end of it, trying to roast it from where she was. The one he cared about seemed to be in a trance. Rarity’s eyes were following the emerald flames, making her blue eyes seem more spectacular than any stars in the night sky.

“Alright, Rumble! Let’s end it!” Spike called to his assistant. Rumble flew behind the curtain, returning with a bucket of water clenched in his mouth. He placed it right in front of Spike before speeding away from the ring of fire.

Spike did one more rotation with the balls before tossing them one-by-one into the pail of water. The sound of sizzling water as the balls made their way inside filled the air. A thick cloud of steam rose into the air as each ball was tossed inside. Once all the balls had found their mark, Rumble made his way back to Spike’s side. The two bowed. The crowd exploded in a flurry of stomping hooves and raucous cheering.

“Thank you, Spike, for that magnificent display!” Mr. Cake said, his words dying out as the cheers erupted from the crowd as Spike and Rumble continued to bow. “Now let’s see what our judges think of–”

“Spikey-Wikey, why in the name of Luna’s mane would you do something so dangerous?!” Rarity had galloped over to the bowing performers and wrapped them in a bone-crushing hug. “Don’t you dare scare me like that again! You understand?! Never!”

“Rar-Rarity! W-we can’t br-br-breath!” Rumble choked out as he tried to take in a breath of air to fill his crushing lungs and looked for his brother to save him. Spike, on the other hoof had a dreamlike smile on his face as Rarity hugged him, finding the need to breathe overruled when the mare of his dreams had him wrapped in a hug.

“Well, I guess we can safely say what Rarity’s thoughts are on the talent of Spike the Dragon! Other judges, what do you think?”
“I thought it was a superb job of showing off our dragon friend’s skills to juggle and control over his own fire,” Fancy Pants said, holding out a card with a eight on it. “Truly a fantastic job overall, though I must agree with Rarity that it was very dangerous for a colt and a dragon to perform at such a young age, but, altogether quite a fantastic show.”

“I really like the part where it made a emerald green ring! It look really, really cool! I give it a upside-down lemon cake!” Pinkie held up the card with the cake described, smiling widely as she did so. Carrot just shook his head as he watched Rarity let go of the pair and head back to her seat. Rumble had to pull Spike offstage as he tried to recover from such a embrace.

“Now hold on to your bits! There are many other stallions left on the block tonight! Up next, Soarin Nimbus!” Mr. Cake went backstage as the mares in the audience continued to cheer.

“I wonder what Soarin plans on doing,” Twilight asked out loud as the blue pegasus walked on stage.

“Probably some awesome tricks!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “He’s the co-captain of the Wonderbolts. What else could he do?” In truth, she was excited to see Soarin do some tricks. It was always something beyond awesome whenever she could see one of her idols perform.

Soarin made it to center stage and cleared his throat, a noise that Rainbow shouldn’t have heard from where she and her friends were sitting. That was when she noticed that he had a headset on a microphone attached to it. Shaking his head and ruffling his feather, he turned to off stage with a smile.

“Alright, play it!” Soarin said to somepony. Soon, silence fell over the crowd.

Suddenly, a soft, rhythmic tone started to play, catching everypony, especially Rainbow Dash, off-guard. Soarin started to sway back and forth with the beat of the song as he closed his eyes. Soon, the sways started to turn into steps back and forth as the song kept going. “You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off you.”

Soarin’s voice was smooth as silk, flowing from his lips in a deep tenor. Each word sent a shiver down every mare’s spine as he paced slowly up and down the stage, looking over the crowd with what could only be described as a smoldering stare. Rainbow had to admit that, if she didn’t have her mind set on Big Mac, she would bid on him like there was no tomorrow.

The music suddenly became louder and faster and Soarin jumped from the stage and spread out his wings. With a mighty flap of his wings, he shot into the air above the crowd. Several mares cheered loudly as his athletic body danced over their heads, performing twists and turns, all the while still belting out the song in perfect pitch. His wings gave a powerful flap as he glided a few inches above the mares before doing one large loop in the sky before landing back on stage, his wings still fully extended.

It felt as if Soarin was putting his heart and soul into every word as he sang louder and harder. Trotting back and forth downstage to the screams of mares while wearing a confident smirk, Rainbow Dash could hardly believe that this was still the same Soarin who was sent crashing because a few cute fillyleaders.

Suddenly, Soarin jumped off stage and into the crowd. To many ponies’ surprise, none of the mares jumped him, but spread apart as he approached, as if he was spreading the sea of mares with his words alone. As the music picked up again, Soarin became more flamboyant with his walking, his body swaying back and forth along with the song. During a lull in the lyrics, he shot a deft wink to one mare, who let out a dreamlike sigh before falling over and fainting. Soarin gave a questioning look before he began to sing again and walked towards where Rainbow Dash was.

“I love you, baby, and if it's quite alright, I need you, baby.” He was now only a few inches from where Rainbow was. Her face felt like it was on fire. Was he coming on to her? Begging her to bid on him? Her mind was torn now between this stallion and Mac. Could she just pass Soarin up after this? She closed her eyes tightly as he advanced.

The music came to stop. Soarin’s voice did not die down, but became softer and more gentle, as if he was talking to a lover. Opening one of her eyes, expecting to see Soarin standing right in front of her, giving her that stare that made mare’s hearts come to a stop. But as she opened her eye, he was not there, but his voice was still so close. Turning around, she saw the side of Soarin’s face, but he was looking into another mare’s eyes. The eyes of her best friend.

Applejack’s face was bright red as Soarin’s face was only a mere few inches from hers. He was giving her a devilish grin and staring right into her eyes.

“You're just too good to be true,” he sang in such a voice that Rainbow thought Applejack’s heart just stopped working. Then, as if that was just not enough, he gave her a chaste peck on the cheek before taking to the air again, doing a backflip onto the stage before giving a deep bow.

Rainbow watched Soarin give his bow, but whipped back around to Applejack to see she had not moved one inch. Her face was redder than any apple that Rainbow Dash had ever seen. Her eyes were open wide, staring straight ahead, right at Soarin. It was more than obvious that Applejack’s mind had come to a dead halt as it tried to process what had just happened, and that Soarin might had more than just a little crush on the farmer.

“So… you think Soarin is still just trying to get under your skin?” Rainbow asked, trying to hold back her laughter at her friend’s expense.

“Sh-shut up!” Applejack stuttered, her face giving no indication of going back to its normal color anytime soon as the applause for Soarin just kept going like a never-ending river. As they did so, many mares looked over at Applejack in either admiration, jealousy, or disgust. One of them was Cloud Kicker, who seemed ready to bite off Applejack’s head. While Rainbow was ready for her to make a move, Applejack was still at a loss.

“That was something I wasn’t expecting!” Carrot laughed, trying to bring the crowd back under control as Soarin left the stage, but not before giving a wink in the general direction of Applejack. “Nopony said stallions couldn't try to get the mare of their dreams as well. Judges, what do you have to say for the performance Sorain Nimbus just gave us?”

“Well, I have to say this. Applejack, you better win that hunk of stallion! Looks, money, an athlete, and an out-of-this-world singing voice! Can you get a better stallion?” Rarity gushed as she held up her score of a perfect ten. “Oh, if I didn’t just see that, I would spend every last bit on him right now.”

“A remarkable performance, I must say,” Fancy Pants agreed, holding up a nine for his score. “However, I can not give him a perfect score since he did present to one mare, and this is a competition for all mares out there. But still, a wonderful performance. Soarin, if you ever want to leave the Wonderbolts for a singing career, just look me up, lad, and I can get you the deal of a lifetime!”

“Two good reviews so far! Pinkie, what did you think of Soarin’s song and dance?” Carrot asked, turning to Pinkie. Pinkie, however, didn’t seem to be paying attention, as she was busy drinking from the connected tube of her drinking helmet that had two sodas attached. All that could be heard coming from her was the noise of her hitting rock bottom of two cans and slurping for the last bit of carbonated goodness.

“Uh, Pinkie? Pinkie, we need your vote. Pinkie… Pinkie!”

“Huh? Oh, hi Uncle Cake! What up?”

“Pinkie, we need your vote for Soarin’s performance.”

“What?! Soarin performed?! I was getting this nifty hat! Can he do it again? Was it flying? Or surfing? Oh! Oh! Was he doing a sweet ollie?!”

“No Pinkie… no he wasn’t…” Carrot shook his head as Pinkie started to poke Fancy Pants for answers. “Well, we will just say Soarin get’s a good review with two outstandings and a missing in action. Now, put your hooves together for Bulk Biceps!” Carrot shouted as the crowd began to cheer again.

As his name was called, Bulk made his way onstage, carrying with him a stool and a stand for a microphone. His small wings fluttered as his massive frame made its way to center stage.

Once there, silence fell over the crowd as Bulk set the stool down behind him and started to fiddle with the microphone stand, raising it up a bit before lowering it again, trying to find the correct height for him. This process took a few seconds, in which the entire crowd stayed silent except for the occasional cough or whisper. When he was satisfied, Bulk trotted back offstage to return a few seconds latter with a small, brown book in his mouth.

Sitting down on the stool, Bulk took the book from his mouth and began to flip through the pages until he came to a page that had a small, pink page holder. Putting his hoof to his mouth, Bulk cleared his throat and shook his head slightly as he looked down at the page. Taking a deep breath, Bulk opened his mouth before coming to a sudden stop. Getting up, he placed the book open on the stool before once more walking offstage.

Coming back, Bulk was wearing a pair of small reading glasses that barely connected to his ears. Taking his seat once more, Bulk examined the page and took a deep breath.

“And wilt thou have me fashion into speech

The love I bear thee, finding words enough,

And hold the torch out, while the winds are rough,

Between our faces, to cast light on each?—

I drop it at thy feet. I cannot teach

My hoof to hold my spirit so far off

From myself—me—that I should bring thee proof

In words, of love hid in me out of reach.

Nay, let the silence of my stallionhood

Commend my stallion-love to thy belief,—

Seeing that I stand unwon, however wooed,

And rend the garment of my life, in brief,

By a most dauntless, voiceless fortitude,

Lest one touch of this heart convey its grief."

Bulk stood up from his stool, placing the book under one of his wings as he picked up the stool with one hoof. The crowd sat in total silence. Not even crickets could be heard in the extensive silence. Bulk looked around at the stunned crowd for a few moments before clearing his throat again.

“YEAH!!!”

Giving a final flex of his bulging muscles, he turned and walked offstage, the silence following him all the way. For a few moments, nopony dared to speak or make a noise of any kind.

Finally, Rarity cleared her throat. “Well, that was… something.”

Chapter 6: The Secret Talents of those Stallions Part 2

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Chapter 6: The Secret Talents of the Those Stallions Part 2

After the judges had rendered their opinions on Bulk's poetry—a seven from Rarity, a ten from a misty-eyed Fancy Pants, and a lemon-drop cupcake from Pinkie—Mister Cake once more took the stage.

The crowd was still in stunned silence from the performance given. To see a pony like Bulk perform such as he did, with the mastery he showed was just beyond what anypony seemed to be able to comprehend. Most ponies would have found Filthy Rich giving up his fortune or the Apples giving up farming more believable than this display.

"Next up, we have Prince Blueblood!” Carrot announced before turning to Rarity, “Rarity, I don’t want to see anything thrown this time, understand?” Rarity gave a grunt. There was scattered clapping as the prince came out.

Still clad in his tuxedo, Blueblood came trotting onto the stage as if he had been given a warm welcome by the mares there, but there were only a few that had even given him a benefit of applause. He gave a bow here and there as he tossed his perfect mane back and forth.

“Thank you! Thank you for the wonderful applause!” Blueblood said, even though there was very little of it. “Tonight, I shall be showing you what a prince is truly made of. Sure, we are seen to be handsome, rich, and altogether the best catch a mare could ever hope for, but as a prince we have enemies,” Blueblood took a few steps closer to the edge of the stage. “And the mark of a true prince is being able to defend himself from any attack and to lead if called upon." At this, Blueblood's horn started to glow gold, and a golden rapier appeared in front of him.

"Now, I need a volunteer for this little endeavor, but there is only one stallion who might be as skilled as I am." Blueblood turned towards the judges, pointing his sword right at Fancy Pants. “Lord Fancy Pants, I challenge thee to a duel!” Blueblood exclaimed. Murmurs started to spread through the crowd as ponies looked from the prince to the lord. Others simply gasped at the challenged proposed, holding their breath to see what the answer might be.

Fancy Pants looked at Blueblood’s sword then up at the pony in question, his face looking like he had just eaten something foul. “How dare you challenge me, of all ponies, to a duel,” Fancy Pants spat, taking his monocle off with his magic and cleaning it with a handkerchief. “There is no point in a duel with you. Now, I suggest you choose a different talent, prince, before my opinion of you falls even further.”

Blueblood only have a light chuckle as he slashed the air in front of him with his golden sword before it disappeared. “If you wish Lord Fancy Pants, but here I thought you were a gentlecolt, but I was mistaken.”

“Beg pardon?”

“Everypony in Canterlot knows that Lord Fancy Pants is the gentlecolt that all gentlecolts try to be like. It turns out he is no better than a commoner. A true gentlecolt never refuses a challenge of a duel, especially one of royal blood. Alas, this was a mistake.” Blueblood sighed as he took his time to walk off stage. “How you are able to get the attention of Fleur De Lis is beyond me.” Blueblood muttered, but loud enough to be heard. As he did, a sound, much like that of a lightning strike, drowned him out.

Fancy Pants had jumped from his seat and was now standing in front of the judge’s table with his own rapier floating in front of him. His eyes were set on Blueblood with such a rage that the prince took a half step backwards, before he grinned and brought his sword back out and took a step forward.

“I will teach you to mind yourself, Prince Blueblood. You might be the nephew of Princess Celestia, but your manners are no better than that of a Diamond Dog!” Fancy Pants started to walk towards the right, as Blueblood walked to the left.

“Fancy!” Rarity cried. “What are you doing?!”

Fancy Pants’ blade sliced through the air. “I am aiding a contestant in showcasing his talent,” he said calmly. “And at the same time, teaching a young upstart to mind his elders.”

Rarity gnashed her teeth, then looked past the two stallions to Mister Cake across the stage. “Well, don’t just stand there! Do something!”

“Rarity, I have a family. I’m not going anywhere near two unicorns throwing swords around!” With that, Mister Cake dove offstage.

The crowd watched on in mute awe, unable to take their eyes off of the blossoming duel as the two ponies began to circle one another like sharks. Fancy Pants leveled a smouldering gaze at Blueblood. “I am giving you one chance to rescind what you said, before I teach you some proper manners.”

The air around the wooden stage seemed to grow colder as if to reflect the harshness of Fancy Pants’ tone. Pinkie Pie leaned forward, a bowl of popcorn in her hooves from somewhere, her blue eyes shimmering as she watched the pair. Rarity on the other hoof looked almost petrified for what was about to happen. Fear ran through her body as her ice blue eyes moved back and forth from Blueblood to Fancy Pants.

“Is that so, Lord Fancy Pants?” Blueblood laughed, giving his sword a small flourish as the pair circled. “I do believe that I am the one giving you a lesson in manners since you did refuse this duel in the first place, so don’t get too uppity, old man.”

Fancy Pants growled upon hearing these words. His eyes focused on Blueblood as if his stare alone would make the narcissistic stallion drop dead. “We shall keep this civil. Let’s just have our sword’s magic stun one another if hit, and not kill.” Blueblood was grinning like a cat who had just caught it’s prey and was now playing with it before the feast.

The two were circling one another, their swords at the ready. One wore the face of anger and disgust, while the other had an amused grin on their face. The crowd watched on, murmuring to one another, their eyes followed them as they walked around one another in a perfect circle, keeping the same distance apart and their hooves falling in perfect symmetry.

Then, at some unknown signal, both stallions lunged forward with a shout of “En garde!”

Then, in a movement that was so small yet so fast, sparks of blue and yellow burst into the air as the two swords clashed with one another. The blades interlocked with an electric hiss as both duelists pushed with all their might.

Fancy Pants stumbled backwards, then lunged back towards his opponent with a growl. Blueblood pushed back, sweat was running down his face as he tried to hold his ground. Before Blueblood could take a full step, Fancy surged forward, sending Blueblood and his blade backwards. With his opponent open, Fancy took a step forward with his blade pointed at Blueblood’s chest and lunged for a killing blow.

Before the blade could make contact, Blueblood recovered and performed a well executed parry. Sparks danced once more as the blades met, leaving Fancy open for an attack. Blueblood made a lunge for Fancy’s chest, but the older pony took a side step just in time to avoid the blade.

As the pair circled one another, cheers erupted from the crowd for the brief yet dramatic display of swordsmanship. It was unclear who the cheers were for at this point, but it didn’t seem to matter, for the show had to go on.

“I am impressed, Lord Fancy Pants. Not too many ponies have managed to avoid my parry before,” Blueblood commented, his blade pointed right at Fancy Pants. “If I didn’t know any better, I would say you are legitimately angry with me.”

“Oh, I am not mad at you, Prince Blueblood; I am absolutely livid!” Fancy Pants stomped his hoof on the ground. The sudden noise made Blueblood flinch. That half-second was all the time Fancy Pants needed.

Fancy Pants did a forward lunge, quickly covering the distance between them faster than Blueblood would have liked. Sheer muscle memory was all that saved Blueblood from a final strike. Fancy Pants refused to let up. He pressed his assault, pushing Blueblood stage right as sparks of green flew. Blueblood was completely on the defensive as Fancy rained down upon him, his sword movements so fast that Blueblood could not perform another parry in time to deflect and attack back.

“With all that pompous talk—” another strike, sparks filled the air as Fancy’s blade crossed with Blueblood’s—“about being a real gentlecolt and challenges—” green sparks rained down everywhere one could see, as bolts of magical energy started to clash—“amounts to nothing, doesn’t it Prince? You really thought you could master me in a duel? Did you intend to bore me into defeat?” Another clash, and the two stallions pushed their blades against one another with all their might as the sparks grew stronger and more wild.

“No,” Blueblood replied, a smile cross his lips as he looked at Fancy Pants, an air of defiance in his voice. “I was thinking of more of luring you into a false security, beating you with ease, and then humiliating you a bit more.” With that, Blueblood gave one strong shove with his blade, pushing Fancy Pants off balance. Blueblood then made a cut at Fancy Pants that the older stallion was just barely able to avoid, but a bit of his mustache was cut off.

With strength seemingly from nowhere, Blueblood lunged at Fancy Pants, his rapier at the ready and striking at the gentlecolt repeatedly. Blueblood had become the aggressor and Fancy was on the defensive this time, seeming to have more difficulty than Blueblood had just a few short seconds ago.

Soon Blueblood was backing Fancy Pants all the way back to the judges’ table where the last two remaining judges sat. Rarity’s face didn’t seem to be able to decided to be amazed by this show of skill, or to be completely horrified as she watched the two blades collide over and over. Pinkie Pie had donned a pair of sunglasses and was happily munching on popcorn.

“You fight well for such a old stallion,” Blueblood remarked as the two locked blades again. His face was completely calm, his ice blue eyes seeming to be at ease as he gave his mane a light flick. Fancy Pants, on the other hoof, had beads of sweat running down his face and fear in his eyes. “But not as good as the teachers who trained me!” At that, Blueblood gave a final flick of his blade that pushed Fancy Pant’s blade skyward and delivered a hard stab to Fancy’s chest.

The crowd cried out, shielding their eyes from the brilliant flash of gold. Fancy Pants gave a cry of pain and sank to the ground fell, tiny fingers of golden magic arcing across his body as he gave a few low moans of pain. He had been defeated. Blueblood only nodded to his fallen combatant before facing the crowd, and gave a deep bow.

After a few moments of stunned silence, the crowd erupted in cheers. Blueblood seemed to drink it in, giving a large bow and dispelling his blade before turning to the judges. At the sight of Rarity’s shocked gaze, his grin only widened.

“Oh that was super duper cool! I give him a double fudge cupcake!” Pinkie exclaimed, holding up a picture of said dessert. “Can I get the two of you to perform at the twins’ next birthday party? That would look so cool! Oh, maybe have a few cannons go off here and there, maybe even–”

“Well, I for one am appalled by it,” Rarity announced, cutting off Pinkie Pie as her horn glowed, helping Fancy Pants up. “I find what he has done very uncultured and brutish. Forcing Lord Fancy Pants into such a battle is disgraceful.” Using her magic, she was able to return Fancy Pants back to his seat. “However, even though I found the reasons for the duel uncalled for, I must still admit that the Prince showed... exemplary skills. A six out of ten.”

Fancy Pants said nothing, but instead grunted as he tried to make himself comfortable in his seat, the sparks still crossing his body ever so often.

“My dear Lady Rarity, why would you find such a thing appalling? I thought you might have been used to watching two blades clash in front of you,” Blueblood laughed, a smug look on his face as he did so. “You just seem like the kind of mare.”

Rarity’s face turned bright red, out of pure anger or utter embarrassment, nopony could say. Her pearl white coat did nothing to hide it as she just stared right at Blueblood in stunned silence. Most of the crowd looked to one another, unsure what Blueblood had meant by the comment. Others seemed to have understood the comment all too well, some angrily shouting at the Prince while other snickered.

Blueblood did not seem to pay them any mind. He turned to walk offstage, but before he could take a single step, a jet black hoof slammed into his snout. Blueblood let out a shrill cry as he fell back to his haunches, a hoof reaching to to his already bleeding nose.

“You do not talk to a mare like that!” Thunderlane shouted as he hovered slightly above the stage, holding the hoof he had struck Blueblood in his free hoof. His golden eyes were filled with a rage as he glared down at Blueblood, as if he was getting ready to attack again.

This time, the crowd was single-minded in its reaction. Jeering laughs and whooping cheers echoed across the stage.

“Buck ya Thunderlane! If he didn’t do I sure as heck would have!” Rainbow Dash shouted, pumping her hooves in the air, cheering on the stallion. “You're getting first pics for jobs this week!” Fluttershy let out a small gasp as she watched Blueblood skid across stage, and taking a step backwards to hide behind Rainbow Dash.

“Did he really hit Blueblood?” Twilight gasped, as she looked up on stage at the injured prince. “I mean he was out of line, but to hit royalty! Has he lost it?”

“Hell, if he didn’t punch that sorry son of a goat Ah would have!” Applejack barked, as she gave out a whistle. “That colt is now on the free pies fer life list fer that!”

“Y-you dare strike me?! A Prince?!” Blueblood stumbled back to his hooves and felt the front of his face before flinching in pain. Looking down, he saw that his pedicured to perfection hoof was covered in his royal blood. “You... You... You peasants! I will tell my Auntie at once! I will have you imprisoned and—”

“I give Thunderlane a ten out of ten!” Fancy Pants shouted above the crowd. He held an icepack to his horn and his suit was slightly ruffled, but he still managed to look like the same distinguish gentlecolt as before.

Mister Cake, who had snuck back onstage, blinked hard.“Beg pardon?” His look of surprise was accompanied by many in the audience.

“This honorable stallion came to defend a lady’s honor of his own volition. Such valor is uncommon in this day and age, and it is to be commended. He did not think twice of the possible consequences of striking that of the Royal Family!” As these words left Fancy Pants’ lips, Thunderlane’s eyes went wide and his wings froze up as he fell to the stage with a loud thud.

“Con-consequences?” Thunderlane whimpered out.

“Indubitably, my good colt. Why, the last time a commoner struck a member of the Royal Family they were sentenced to death by hanging,” Fancy Pants said nonchalantly, apparently not noticing the color drain from Thunderlane’s face. “Of course, that was several hundred years ago. Still, the law is on the books. However, they did not have me to represent them in the courts.”

“I give him a Red Velvet cake! Because I think Thunderlane broke Blueblood’s nose!” Pinkie laughed happily, holding said cake up.

As Blueblood continued to seethe, Thunderlane turned his attention to Rarity, who was staring at him as if he was some kind exotic fabric.

“I... I-I don’t think I can give my opinion on this matter,” she started, a hoof held to her chest. “Thunderlane saved my life once before, and to now have him defending my honor, I... I don’t find that I can give an unbiased opinion on this. Thunderlane,” she paused for several moments, her blue eyes locking with Thunderlane’s gold, and both ponies felt a slight rush of heat to their faces, “thank you. I am sure Princess Celestia will understand what you did. And if she does not, I shall personally testify on your behalf.”

Thunderlane just grinned at her as he gave her a slight bow, and at once the crowd broke into momentus applause.

“Well, I think we can say Thunderlane has earned a top mark with our judges!” Carrot yelled as the applause continued. “Now, let’s get these two stallions over to Nurse Redheart. I am sure we want them in top form for our next event and the bidding.” As Carrot said this, Braeburn and Soarin both walked back on stage to help the two others back off stage, Braeburn having to hold a handkerchief to Blueblood’s bleeding nose.

“Up next let me reintroduce the first of our Royal Guard participants, Tweak!”

The stallion walked confidently onto the stage. Stripped of his barding, he was surprisingly thin, though one could still see toned muscle underneath his tan coat. He gave a polite nod to the applause. “Thank you, thank you! Well, I gotta be honest, I was kinda dreading this part of the competition. While I may be a stallion of many talents, most of them are either job specific or... heh, not suitable for public display.” He winked, earning a few hoots from the mares in the crowd. “But I think I have something really neat to show y’all. Might not be as, er, flashy, as Prince Blueblood’s, but I think you’ll dig it.

“Now, as some of you may know—” he shot a predatory grin towards the offstage wings, where Flash Sentry gave off a shudder—”I used to be a Drill Sergeant. Yes, those ponies in brown hats that yell at ponies.” A few moments passed while the crowd chuckled. “What most ponies don’t know is that the Guard actually teaches us how to yell properly. Anypony in this crowd ever had to shout at someone, and after a few minutes, your throat feels like ya got a parasprite clawing its way out? Well, I’m gonna teach y’all how to yell, scream, and shout without ripping your throat up.

“I am gonna need a volunteer for this one.” He scanned the front few rows of the crowd before his eyes settled on a greyish-blue pegasus mare. “How about you, with the bow?”

“M... me?”

“Yeah! Come on up here!” A wave of cheers went up as the mare gulped and then fluttered on stage. “Now, what’s your name?”

“Um, Flitter.”

“Okay, Flitter. Tell me, have you ever been in a long shouting match?”

Flitter giggled. “I have a twin sister.”

Tweak gave a low whistle. “So, that’s a big yes. Now, I’m gonna show you a real easy trick to use, so the next time y’all duke it out, you can have the last word. Sound good?” Flitter meekly nodded her head. “Alrighty then! Now, to start off, I want you to take a deep breath and yell as loud as you can.”

“What should I yell?”

“I don’t know. Think of the last time your sister pissed you off. What did you say to her?”

After a moment of thought, Flitter inhaled a deep breath, then bellowed, “Cloudchaser, stop borrowing my brush without asking!”

“Hmm, not bad, not bad,” Tweak said, nodding slowly, “but I think we can do better. Now, take a deep breath, but this time try and pull the air in towards your belly. Imagine your gut is a vacuum cleaner. Heh, basically pretend you’re a big ol’ fat-body for a minute.” He turned back to the crowd and smirked, earning a few more chuckles.

A whimper came from beside him. Tweak turned back to the mare, and blinked upon seeing her blubbering lips and misty eyes. “Uh... what?”

The floodgates opened. Flitter sobbed, tears now openly falling from her eyes, and ran off stage. Several ponies in the crowd gasped and murmured at each other. Tweak made to follow her, but was stopped as another pony slammed down in front of him: a mirror image of the weeping mare, save for her mane, which was teased up into spikes. “How dare you!”

“Uh...” Tweak looked the mare up and down for a moment, “who are you?”

The pegasus gave him a deadpan glare. “I’m the milkmare.”

“Buh?”

“I’m Cloudchaser, you dolt, and my sister suffers from an eating disorder, and it very sensitive about her weight!” She took a step towards him. “How dare you insult her like that!”

Tweak took a half-step back from the intimidating mare. “Look, I’m sorry! How was I supposed to know? It was just a turn of phrase!”

Cloudchaser scoffed. “I’m surprised a blockhead like you even knows how to turn a phrase.”

“Excuse me?!”

“You heard me! ‘Blockhead,’ as in your mane has four distinct corners!”

Now, Tweak stopped retreating and took a step towards the advancing mare. “My mane?! What about yours, looking like a damn Trotly Crüe reject! I wonder if there’s a can of hairspray left in this entire damn town!”

Cloudchaser gasped, shooting a seething glare at him. “My mane is all natural, you insensitive goosestepper!”

“Ha! Natural?!” He took yet another step forward. “What the hay do you use for a pillow? A rabid woodchuck, ya tarted-up hussy!”

From the judges table, Rarity cleared her throat. “Now, now. Let’s all just calm down for a min—”

Cloudchaser stomped forward. “You got a pretty big mouth, Twig-Legs! Step off before I stuff my hoof in it!”

“I’ll bet you know all about stuffing mouths!” Tweak growled, stepping closer. “In fact, maybe it’s you that needs to lay off the fatty cakes! You’re looking a bit doughy in the flanks, Two-Ton Tessie!”

“Miss Cloudchaser, Sergeant Tweak!” Mister Cake stepped back onto the stage to intervene. “Could you both please just—”

“My flanks are just fine,” Cloudchaser hissed, taking yet another step towards the glaring Tweak. “Better looking than your face, you knock-kneed know nothing!”

Tweak took one final step, bringing the two seething ponies snout-to-snout. “Stuff it, you sad sack of sheep dung!”

“Fancy-dressed fascist!”

“Overbearing donkey-lover!”

“Jerk!”

“Nag!”

“Dick!”

“Bitch!”

In the following weeks, it would become a point of high contention among the citizens of Ponyville as to who exactly moved first. All that could be agreed upon is that one moment the two ponies on stage were glaring pure hatred at each other, and the next their lips were locked in what was probably the most shameless makeout session ever to not result in an arrest for public indecency. Tongues wrestled and hooves wandered in places they probably shouldn’t wander anytime the sun was shining, the two ponies were now completely ignoring the cheering crowd in favor of the other’s mouth.

After several moments—when it became very clear that neither Cloudchaser nor Tweak intended to stop trying to taste the other’s stomach anytime soon—Mister Cake cleared his throat directly into the microphone. “Uh... th-thank you, Sergeant Tweak! That was—” A particularly loud moan from Tweak cut him off. “Um.. th-that—” Another lascivious groan from Coudchaser. “Okay, can somepony please help me out here?”

Macintosh emerged from the wings and took Tweak’s tail in his mouth, jerking the sergeant away from the mare. “Come on, loverboy.” At the same time, Thunderlane—still nursing his damaged hoof—took hold of Cloudchaser’s wing and tugged her away. Both ponies were still staring longingly at each other, hooves impotently reaching out for the other as they were dragged off stage.

Mister Cake retook center stage. "Well, that was, uh... interesting.” As the crowd laughed and hooted, he could still see Cloudchaser fighting several other mares to get back on stage, while on the other side he could hear the stallions in the back trying to hold back Tweak. “Now then, for our next talent, please welcome back to the stage, Flash Sentry!”

The orange pegasus slowly made his way on stage to scattered applauses, as most ponies were still watching the heated drama in the wings. Flash grinned nervously to the crowd as he pushed a very large amplifier onto the stage. A cherry red guitar was strapped across his back.

"Eep!" Rainbow Dash and Applejack both turned to Twilight. There was a light blush on her face, as she bit her bottom lip.

"You alright there? " Dash asked, looking up at Flash then at Twilight who was watching the stage very intently. Twilight, however, didn’t seem to be able to form any words as she looked up at the young Pegasus attaching a large cable to his guitar.

“I say, Corporal Sentry.” Fancy Pants, once more immaculately groomed thanks to Rarity, spoke up from the judges table. “I can’t help but notice you’re not playing with your wings. Are you, in fact, going to play earth pony style?”

“Yes, sir,” Flash replied.

Rarity looked between the two. “Forgive my ignorance, but what exactly is ‘earth pony style’?”

“Well, Miss Rarity,” Mister Cake said, “we earth ponies don’t have horns or wings to manipulate the strings of musical instruments, but our hooves are much more nimble than other pony’s, able to exert fine control over delicate areas.”

“That’s what she said! Ow!” Dash rubbed her head and glared at Applejack, who retracted her hoof.

“What? I was just givin’ you a little demonstration,” she said with a sly grin.

“Uh... quite.” Fancy Pants cleared his throat to recover some decorum. “Anyway, the point is that earth ponies play stringed instruments by using subtle changes in pressure exerted by their hoof. And if this young pegasus,” he nodded towards the blushing Flash, “can play that way, it is something to be admired.”

“Thank you, sir,” Flash said, nodding his head a bit. “My uncle taught me how to play, and he’s an earth pony, so it’s all I’ve ever really known.”

“Well, I for one, cannot wait to hear you, Corporal Sentry!” Rarity smiled at him. “Now, what shall you be playing for us?”

“Freebird!” a random voice in the crowd shouted.

“No!” replied nearly a dozen others.

Flash fidgeted a bit, adjusting the strap on the guitar. “Oh, it’s nothing, really. Just a little thirty-second or so solo I wrote.”

“Oh, neato-speedo!” Pinkie chirped.

“Actually, Pinkie, the swimsuit competition is next,” Rarity said with a cheeky grin, earning a few wolf-whistles from the crowd. “Now then, if you please, Flash?”

“Um… I hope you all enjoy this.” Flash said meekly. He took a deep breath to steady himself, then raised up onto his hind legs, cradling the guitar in his forehooves as his wings steadying him with tiny motions. A small metal clamp fastened to his right hoof held a guitar pick. He strummed a few chords, adjusting the knobs on the guitar’s face until he found the right tone. A heavy, distorted growl came from the amplifier. A look of deep concentration took over his face, and he began.

Flash dragged the pick across the fretboard with a hiss of distortion. A flurry of blistering notes followed as his right hoof rocked back and forth frantically, flying up and down the fretboard. His wings twitched and counterbalanced him as he rocked his body back and forth in time with the molten notes spewing from the amp.

A deep hush had fallen over the crowd, or at least any noise they made was instantly lost under the sonic assault coming from the large amplifier. Several of the older ponies were covering their ears, while a group of foals near the front watched on in slack-jawed rapture. Scootaloo in particular was all but gawking at the stallion.

Flash whipped his head back to clear his mane from his eyes. He kept his head skyward as he continued to slur out notes. Across from him, Pinkie had somehow procured a lighter and held it high, slowly waving it back and forth.

The sonic attack continued for several more seconds until finally Flash stopped strumming, instead slapping the whammy bar repeatedly, making the final note waver and ring. His blue mane bounced up and down as he banged his head in time with the hits to the guitar. Then, as quickly as he had started, it ended. That final note echoed across a sea of gobstopped ponies, their ears ringing and hearts pounding.

Once the note had finally stopped reverberating, a serene silence fell over the square until, at the very back of the crowd, a set of lavender wings flew skyward with an audible pomf.

Chaos ensued. Raucous cheers deafened all present as the ground positively shook under the weight of countless pounding hooves. Even the judges were beside themselves, whistling and applauding.

“Bravo! Bravo, I say!” Fancy Pants stood from his seat, a hoof raised to quell the roaring crowd. “Corporal Sentry, that was simply amazing! Though I will admit I am not a fan of the, er, ‘music’ you played, it would be criminal of me to not recognize the talent you have displayed. Nine out of ten!”

“Hear, hear,” Rarity said. “While a bit loud for my tastes, you displayed a mastery of your instrument that would make any professional musician envious. Why you chose to be a humble Guardspony is beyond me. Ten out of ten!”

Pinkie screamed, then leapt to her hooves. “You rocked it! You metaled it! You absolutely iron ferrited it! Red velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting, dribbled with sprinkles and those little edible star thingies!”

The crowd roared once more as Flash, wearing an exceptionally large grin, took a deep bow. Far across the square, Applejack let out a low whistle. “Shoot, Twi, yer little boy toy sure knows how to make that guitar sing.”

Twilight, who had just managed to recall her wings to her sides, blushed deeper. “Applejack, that’s—”

“Ha! Sing nothing, AJ,” Rainbow said. “He bent that thing over the table and made it beg for mercy!”

Pomf!

“Rainbow,” Applejack glared at the sniggering pegasus, “that was just mean.”

Behind them in the Royal Box, Shining Armor’s jaw was hanging open shamelessly, his eyes wide and pupils dilated. Princess Cadance playfully nudged him. “Careful, honey. You’ll catch flies.”

At her touch, Shining snapped back to reality, shutting his mouth and scowling at the retreating pegasus on the stage. “It... wasn’t that good...”

Chapter 6: The Secret Talents of those Stallions Part 3

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Chapter 6: The Secret Talents of Those Stallions Part 3

“That was beyond impressive, Flash Sentry! An incredible performance, and a true testament to the Earth pony style!” Carrot said, his voice once again amplified by the microphone. Flash took one final bow and exited the stage, a light blush covering his golden fur as he did so. “Now then, it’s time for our last Royal Guard member for tonight, or at least former Royal Guard member. Please welcome back to the stage Shock n’ Awe!”

Shock n’ Awe strutted onto the stage, smiling widely to the welcoming applause. His red eyes were gleaming in the light as he took center stage and bowed.

“Hello, all you lovely mares!” Shock shouted out to the crowd, his voice loud enough that he didn’t need a microphone. “Now, I know there are some very special stallions here tonight. Some can sing, others can do fun tricks, and others can somewhat fight, but, I know what you all are really looking for. A big. Strong. Stallion!” At this, Shock got back on his hind legs and flexed his forelegs.

There were a few cheers from the audience as well as a wolf whistle or two to go with the flexing. Shock was definitely not a largely built stallion, but he still had some muscle and he knew how to show it.

“And how will you be proving this?” Fancy Pants asked.

“Yes indeed, Shock, and not all mares need a strong stallion. We can defend ourselves quite well.” Rarity’s words earned more cheers than Shock’s flexing had. The former Royal Guard laughed at this and fell back on all four hooves.

“Oh, I know mares can defend themselves quite well,” Shock laughed. “But can you really say that most mares haven’t dreamed of a knight in shining armor to rescue them?” There was low murmur in the crowd as Shock said this. Even Rarity was nodding her head slightly to his statement.

“Not mares who are too awesome for that stuff!” Rainbow Dash shouted above the crowd, getting a few cheers for herself.

“That might be true,” Shock said with a shrug, still smiling as he took center stage once again. “But then you mares have never see anypony like me before. Alright, boys! Bring it on out!”

At his call, Bulk trotted on stage, carrying four cement bricks. Spike soon followed with a plank of dark wood. Bulk got to center stage right in front of Shock and started to place the bricks in two columns of two as Spike placed the wooden board over the bricks before heading off stage with Bulk.

All the while, Shock had gotten back on his hind legs and was throwing jabs with his hooves. He threw them in quick succession and looked to be shadow boxing with some opponent, dodging invisible blows here and there. After a few moments of this, Shock got back on his hooves and walked up to the wooden board.

“This here is a piece of solid oak wood, a nice piece of sturdy wood one might use to build a house with,” the blue pony said, tracing his hoof over it. “Yep, nice and sturdy.” Then, in a flash, Shock had gotten back on his hind legs and held his right hoof above his head.

“Fft!” Shock’s hoof broke right through the board as if it had been made of cardboard. The sudden cracking of the wood made several ponies jump as Shock just stood there looking pleased with himself. After a few seconds of silence, there was an eruption of cheers and applause as hooves clopped together for Shock’s demonstration.

“Please, not just yet; there is still more to this,” Shock laughed, holding his hooves up as he took a step back from the broken wood. “That was just a small demonstration. Any stallion in good enough shape should have been able to do that with their dominant hoof.” Shock looked off stage, and Bulk walked back on holding three planks of oak wood.

“This time, I’m going to do it with my left.” Shock laughed, an all too confident grin crossing his lips. As Bulk blacked the boards in front of him, Shock walked up to them and started to rub his hoof over them.

“Fft!” In a blur of movement, Shock was back on his hind legs, and this time had his left hoof raised over his head before smashing it into the planks of wood. Just like before, Shock’s hoof smashed through all three planks of wood with what looked like little to no trouble. Splinters of wood went in every direction as the ends of the planks fell onto the stage floor, which looked to be made of same material, with a thud.

Again, the cheers broke the silence of the night as Shock brushed some of the splinters off his left hoof.

“A splendid demonstration of strength!” Fancy Pants said, as he gave a polite applause to Shock. “I will have to give it a—”

“Now why do all of you still think I am done? I will tell you when I am,” Shock growled as he kicked a few of the broken planks behind him. “I just got one more thing to break for all of you, so just hold it in for a bit,” Shock started to move the two columns of cement bricks together, as Bulk came out with one more brick.

“Now, to show you all how strong I really am. I am going to break this cement brick!” Shock shouted, getting a few cheers in the process as he did so. As Bulk left the cement brick for him and walked off stage, Shock just kept on grinning. “Now then, let me show you mares what Royal Guard Special Forces and private contracting does for a stallion,” he laughed, giving a wink to the crowd.

He then closed his eyes and let out a slow breath, placing his hooves together in what almost looked like a silent prayer. The crowd seemed to lean in as Shock prepared himself, holding a collective breath to see this last feat of strength from the pony.

“Fft!” Shock had raised his right hoof into the air and brought it down upon the brick of cement with all his strength. There was only a dull thump as Shock’s hoof hit the cement brick and nothing happened. The crowd watched for a reaction, all faces glued to Shock as his red eyes seemed to be glaring holes into the back of his own hoof. His hoof trembled a bit, then…

“Mother Ducker! Son of a damn goat, that hurt! You Celestia damn piece of whale dong! You think you can embarrass me?! Shock n’ flipping Awe?!” The crowd broke into a fit of laughter, or gasps as such language as Shock held his hoof in his mouth as he glared down at the cement brick.

“Now, Shock, there is no need to—” Rarity's words fell flat as Shock had raised his left hoof and slammed it into the cement brick as well. The results were the same: a dull thud and the former special forces pony shouting in pain.

“Ponyfeathers! Horse Apples! Argh!!!” Shock kept on shouting in pain as he held his hooves in the air, trying to fan the burning pain by blowing on them. “You think you can defeat me! You have another thing coming!” Shock yelled in anger as he raised his head backwards.

“Shock n’ Awe, don’t—” Mister Cake’s warning came too late as Shock smashed his head into the cement brick. The brick stayed in one piece as Shock pulled his head back, this time his eyes were fully engulfed in rage. His right was twitching noticeably as he looked down at the brick.

“You son of a goat!”

Wham! Shock slammed his head into the brick again to no avail.

“Yew sounhafaggot!”

Wham!

“Yew shun fergur goot!”

Wham!

That time, the cement brick broke in half with the sound of a loud crack as it fell to the ground. Upon pulling his head back, a small trickle of blood could be seen coming from Shock’s forehead, but he was smiling nonetheless.

“Ya! That’s right! I’m in… in…. invinciple! I-I-I’m so happy…!” Shock sang as he started to stagger around the stage. It looked as though he had became intoxicated somehow as he staggered around in a large circle. “I-I’m a champ…” Before he could finish, Shock fell on stage with a thud and didn’t move.

For several long seconds, the crowd stared at the pony on stage. He didn’t look like he was breathing at all. There wasn’t even any raising of his stomach to indicate breathing or not.

“Is he dead?” a pony finally asked after what had seemed an eternity of silence. Pinkie bounced out of her chair and started to make her way over to Shock n’ Awe. She had a stick in her mouth that she proceeded to poke him with.

“Hmm…” Pinkie poked Shock in the side a few times. Shock didn’t respond.

“Hmm…” Pinkie started to poke his head a bit as well. Her face was contorted in concentration as she kept on poking the pony. Beads of sweat were starting to form and fall from her face as she did so. “Shocky? Shocky-Poo?”

Shock gave out a sound between a gurgle and mumble as Pinkie poked him in the head again.

"Wowie-zowie! Beating yourself unconscious is worth at least a carrot cake, right Carrot Cake?!" Pinkie shouted excitedly, a large grin spreading across her face, one much larger than should've been possible.

“Uh… I’m not sure Pinkie… but can we get a doctor or nurse up here, please?” Carrot asked the crowd as Shock laid unconscious on the stage, his head still bleeding.

“Those special forces sure are special, alright,” Tweak laughed as he trotted on to the stage once again and looked over the bleeding pony. “As much as I would love to laugh at your stupidity, you were a part of the Royal Guard, and all members of the Royal Guard are honor-bound to help a fellow Guard… even if they are an ass,” Tweak said in a low chuckle as he took the end of Shock’s tail in his mouth. He then dragged the unconscious Shock n’ Awe off stage, leaving a trail of blood behind them as Shock mumbled incoherently.

“Well, out of all the talents we have seen thus far, I have to say that was the most… interesting,” Fancy Pants stated, looking as though he was trying to find the right words. “Originally, I had planned on giving him a eight, but with that last part and the foal mouth I have to lower the score. I give Shock n’ Awe a five out of ten.”

“I will have to agree with you, Lord Fancy Pants. Though his beginning was impressive, when he lost his concentration and relied on brute strength and being stubborn, I have to give him a three out of ten,” Rarity said as she held up the number. “Really, what did he hope to accomplish?”

“That is a good question, Rarity, but you will have to hold on to it for later, because our next stallion is raring to go! Please welcome to the stage Caramel, and his good friend Eeyore!” At once, the spotlight fell upon Caramel, whose eyes went wide at once out of pure stage fright as every eye fell upon him.

Sweat ran down his muzzle as he looked left and right, toting a black case behind him along with a stool. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Caramel slowly made his way across the stage, dragging the stool behind him, making a horrible screeching noise as he pulled it. Several ponies covered their ears as he dragged it along with the black case behind him.

Getting to center stage, Caramel set the stool down before letting go of the black case. He started to fumble with the seals on the case as sweat visible from the spotlight that was still centered on him. Looking up from behind the case, Caramel smiled ever so slightly as he grabbed something inside of it.

“Uh… thank you for coming out tonight. N-now I am not a pony of many talents, so, uh, please welcome a old friend of mine, Eeyore the Donkey!” At once Caramel pulled out a dummy from the case that looked like a old grey donkey with large bushy eyebrows, a heavily wrinkled face, fixed in a permanent scowl. At once, the crowd broke into a cheers and applause as they looked up at the dummy.

Caramel sat on the small stool and placed the donkey dummy on his knee as the crowd cheered and laughed. With his free hoof, Caramel was waving to the crowd while Eeyore scanned the crowd with a crossed look.

“Thank you! Thank you for that round of applause!” Caramel said, waving to everypony as they kept on clapping.

“That means you can stop it, you bunch of freakin idiots,” Eeyore shouted, his voice that of a old man as he glowered at the audience. At once, the crowd went into stunned silence as they all looked up at the dummy, and then at Carmel who looked just as shocked as everypony else. Caramel then took an audible gulp as he pulled at the bowtie.

“Um, Eeyore, that wasn’t such a nice thing to say. I think you should apologize,” Caramel said softly, as if he was trying to whisper dummy and nopony else, but they still all heard. Eeyore looked up at Caramel, and then out to the crowd, before going back to Caramel.

“And why the hell should I do that?”

“Because what you said wasn’t very nice, and don’t use language like that. There are some young colts and fillies out there in the audience.”

“Those idiots brought children to this? Why should I be the one apologizing for bad parenting?” This time, a low rumble of laughter could be heard from the audience as Caramel and Eeyore kept their eyes locked on each other.

“It’s a family event to raise money for charity for the school and town. It was supposed to be a nice little show.”

“A nice little show? Mares are bidding on stallions for a date! And between you and me, I don’t think them mares are looking for a nice dinner date. They just want to get to the...” Eeyore looked out into the crowd, as if he was looking for something, his furry eyebrows scrunched together as he did. “You know, S-E-X.”

“Eeyore!” At this, the entire crowd broke into a fit of laughter as the duo kept glaring at one another, occasionally looking out over the audience before returning to their glaring match. After a few moments and the dying out of laughter Caramel began to speak again. “Look, just stick to the script, okay? It’s nice, funny, has some good lines in it, and—”

“Fine, fine, I get the point.” Eeyore grumbled, turning his head away and giving a snort. Caramel just gave a sigh of relief as he turned back to the crowd, smiling. “Your freakin idiot.” The crowd lost it again as Caramel’s face fell in dramatic fashion. Eeyore kept looking away as the crowd laughed, shrugging his shoulder occasionally. Shaking his head in aggravation, Caramel put a bright, but forced, smile on his face as he adjusted Eeyore on his lap.

“So, Eeyore, I heard you just flew in from Canterlot. Is that right?” Caramel asked, as he made his voice sound more energetic.

“Ya, that’s right.” Eeyore replied, his voice emotionless as he looked around the stage. For a few seconds the pair said nothing as Caramel looked to Eeyore, the toothy smile on his face starting to fade as he looked to the donkey who just kept looking around.

“You just flew in right?” Caramel asked, nudging the dummy with his shoulder. Eeyore looked over at Caramel before giving a deep sigh and looked out to the crowd instead.

“The idiot here wants me to say, and my forelegs sure are tired, like a some idiot,” Eeyore looked up at Caramel and stared him right in the eyes. “I feel sorry for whatever mare decides to bid on you.” And once again, the crowd began to erupt into laughter.

“And why do you say that? I think I am a very good catch.”

“Really now? Remember that date you had a few months back? How did that go again?”

“Oh it was a perfect date! I picked her up right at seven, took her to a wonderful restaurant, and then—”

“She tried to drown herself in her soup. This guy here is so boring that she would have chosen death over listening to one his stories!” Eeyore shouted out to the crowd, who began to laugh at once. “You think I am joking? This guy is as exciting as Discord is sane. Try listening to him talk about how to plant seeds. Oh, you got to put them in the soil at just the right time, otherwise they won’t root on time and the harvest will be late,” Eeyore was talking in a accent that sounded like he was trying to be Caramel, his voice higher and sounding more feminine. “But you see I don’t really ever get to plant the seeds because I lose them all the time! Idiot…” Eeyore mumbled under his breath.

“Now she did not try to drown herself, she just fell asleep… while I was talking… But we are getting off topic! So have you enjoyed Ponyville so far?”

“Yea, I guess it’s alright.”

“The rolling hills, the lush scenery, the friendly ponies everywhere—”

“Three fillies bent on the destruction of all of Equestria.” The crowd burst into thunderous laughter as Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle all shrunk slightly. As this went on Caramel turned to Eeyore with a look of pure horror on his face.
“Now don’t tell me you're going to try to make fun of those three innocent fillies?”

“Innocent? Next to the Elements of Harmony, and I use that word lightly, they're responsible for more public destruction than a destruction crew. How hard is it to get a cutie mark nowadays? This guy got his by just running back and forth to get seeds,” Eeyore said, rolling his eyes and scrunching his bush eyebrows together.

“Now we all get our cutie marks at different times, we just need to wait and see what our special talent is, and won’t it be all the more special when they find out as friends what that talent is?”

“Knowing them, their talent will be mass destruction,” Eeyore mumbled, earning more laughter from the crowd.

“That’s enough, Eeyore! I will not have you make fun of three fillies like a bully! Now apologize to them right now!” Carmel shouted, as he pointed to the the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

“Fine, fine. I’m sorry.” Eeyore said, looking offstage.

“For?”

“Being mean to you.”

“That’s better, now thank you all for being a—”

“And that you have to listen to this idiot.” The pair looked at one another as the crowd broke into cheers and laughter. Many of the mares in the crowd had tears rolling down their faces, or were finding a hard time breathing do to them laughing too hard.

“Thank you for being a wonderful audience tonight! Good night!” Carmel shouted, as he and Eeyore bowed on stage, before putting the donkey back into his case and walking offstage, a noticeable skip in his step as the crowd kept cheering for him.

“Superb! Absolutely splendid! I might give up my role in politics to become a talent manager. This town is just exploding with untouched potential! A nine for the good stallion and his voyager donkey,” Fancy Pants said, clapping all the while as he held up his score with the use of his magic.

“Well, to say the least it was a impressive talent, but the jokes I felt were a bit too much. I am sorry Carmel but I can only give you a six,” Rarity held up her number. “If the jokes were a bit cleaner and nicer, I could see it being very impressive.”

All eyes turned to Pinkie for the final judgement. As they looked to the party mare, her eyes were wide and dilated. Her jaw was wide open, almost looking unhinged like a snake’s. A silence soon filled the stage as Rarity and Fancy Pants looked to one another as they looked at one another for help as the final judge stayed speechless and motionless.

“Um… Darling, is everything alright?” Rarity asked, nudging Pinkie’s shoulder. This only served to tip the mare over and crash onto the floor of the stage. Rarity gave a gasp, as both Fancy Pants and Carrot ran over to the downed mare. Whispers started to break out in the crowd as ponies leaned forward trying to get a better look at the fate of Pinkie Pie.

“Somepony get some water!” Carrot shouted, as Fancy Pants levitated Pinkie on to the table. Her expression hadn’t change during her fall, and was almost like a statue. “Fetch Nurse Redheart and Doctor Stable. We might have to have slight—”

“Holy toledo! How did he do that?!” Pinkie shouted, as she sat up in a blur of pink and jumped off the table. “How did he do that?! How? How? How? Somepony tell me!” Pinkie demanded as she bounced up and down in a circle. “Was it magic? No! Carmel is an Earth pony! Did he make a pact with the Devil to do that?! No, he is too nice! How did he do it!” Pinkie turned towards the stunned audience, before jumping right into it and making a beeline toward her friends.

“Twilight! Twilight! Twilight! How did he do it?! You’ve got to know, you’re the smartest pony in the universe!” Pinkie tackled Twilight to the ground, the two of them rolling backwards a few circles till Pinkie had her pinned. “Was it cursed magic?! Or is Eeyore real! By Neptune’s beard! Caramel is keeping him caged in that case! Don’t worry, Eeyore, I will rescue you!” Pinkie jumped off of Twilight, but before she could get a running start an aura of purple surrounded her.

“Pinkie! Calm down! It’s called ventriloquism, Carmel is a ventriloquist, he is able to throw his voice,” Twilight said calmly, as Pinkie kept trying to run back on to the stage, her limbs flailing in the air.

“No way! That wasn’t Caramel’s voice! Here I come, Eeyore!” Pinkie shouted, her limbs kicking back and forth.

“A ventriloquist can change their voice as well. It was all part of his act; Eeyore isn’t real,” Twilight said, sighing slightly as she held Pinkie. “Now you need to calm down. You can ask Caramel about it later.”

“But Eeyore is in trouble now!” Pinkie shouted, now looking like she was attempting to swim out of the aura that ensnared her. Twilight blew out an aggravated breath as she looked up at her friend.

“Pinkie is going to be on a bit of a time out. Please continue the show,” Twilight said, forcing her best smile forward as a gag and straight jacket appeared on Pinkie Pie, effectively silencing her.

“Er… alright then,” Mister Cake said, pulling at his bowtie and looking to the other judges for help. Rarity just sighed dramatically as she leaned back in her chair and placed a hoof over her forehead as Fancy Pants just shrugged. “Well, without further interruption, please give it up for Time Turner!”

The crowd broke into thunderous applause erupted as Time Turner started to trot on stage. He was pushing a small cart draped in a red cloth. On top of the cloth, something glittered in the light on stage as he moved across till he reached the very middle of the stage.

“Hello to all out there! As you know, my name is Time Turner, and I find time to be one of the most fascinating concepts in all of science. For time is always moving forward, never slowing down, and always, always changing.” Time Turner made his way behind the cart and looked down at it. “Now, I could explain this concept to all of you, but I am afraid I just don’t have the time, nor would most of you understand what I am saying except for Princess Twilight Sparkle. So instead I will be showing you all one of my little hobbies: watchmaking.”

Time turner spread his hooves across the cloth and smiled as he held up small gears. “This is quite a delicate art, to put a watch back together in the perfect sequence that when you are done it still works.”

“So you will be putting a watch back together for us then?” Lord Fancy Pants enquired, as he leaned forward a bit to get a better look at the watch that was being repaired. Time Turner gave a chuckle as he looked down at the watch and then back at Fancy Pants.

“You make it sound so simple, but yes I will be putting a watch back together. However, I shall not be using my hooves or…” Time Turner reached for something on the cart and lifted it into the air so all could see, “the use of my eyes.” Time Turner proceed to blindfold himself with a green and white handkerchief, a smile ever present on his face as he did so.

“Oh my, but how will you be putting it back together then?” Rarity questioned, she was now leaning forward, trying to get a better look as well. Time Turner once again just chuckled as he leaned forward to grab something from his cart.

“Simply with my… motuh!” Time Turner looked back at the audience now having a pair of tweezers in his mouth. He held the tweezers half way down, to allow the most control possible. He then looked over at the judges, still grinning like a mad stallion and seeming to enjoy the challenge a bit too much.

“An' t add a wit moe challange, a hime limit! 'ord Fanct pants, kin you set yo watch fer fhree min'uts?” Time Turner asked, his words muffled by the tweezers in his mouth. The crowd whispered to one another as Time Turner turned back to the cart and leaned forward a bit, as if he was getting ready for a race.

Fancy Pants looked at Time Turner with a quizzical look, before pulling his own pocket watch out of his coat. With his magical aura surrounding the watch, he watched the second hand move closer to the twelve. “In 3… 2… 1… Begin!”

At once Time Turner go to work, leaning forward and started to pick up the small gears off the table and placing them in a order that he had seemed to master a long time ago. No move he did seemed to be a guess, or a waste of energy of any kind as he moved with a speed and efficiency that only a master watchmaker could have.

“As hrd ‘s tis loos it is acttualle quie simle. Yous haf to appi the algoihm that one wo’ use t sove a rubucsk cube bu’ change ou’ fhe vaiabuus one tis using. You simpl’ ned’ to emagin the hawth as a furth himenshnal iteem, ut’ inhead of aparlethal o’ hays to sove the prabem fer’s ony one to maethe hatch wor corhectly. Tis a’ coms hown to a simly mauhmatica teroeis uon whih uns nees to make the coherct ajuhmens at em ight’ ime.”

The crowd was silent as they listened to Time Turner as he worked, none of them understanding most of what the pony had to say. This did not seem to be noticed by Time Turner as he kept on working on the watch, now humming a soft tune, or trying to at least with the tweezers in his mouth.

“Wh-what did he say?” Rarity questioned, looking at Time Turner.

“I do not know Lady Rarity,” Fancy Pants said, looking down to his watch from time to time. “But he is running out of time.”

“Oh! I know what he said!” All eyes, except for Time Turner’s, turned to the voice only to find Pinkie Pie back in her chair. Rarity looked over to where Twilight was, only to see she was in as much shock as she was. A purple aura was still floating above Twilight, but the only things inside were the gag and jacket.

“Pinkie, how did you get out of there?!”

“Get out of where?”

“The… oh forget it,” Rarity sighed, facehoofing herself. “But you understood what he said?”

“Of course silly! he said ‘As hard as this looks it is actually quite simple. You have to apply the algorithm that one would use to solve a rubik's cube but change out the variables one is using. You simply need to imagine the watch as a four dimensional item, but instead of a plethora of ways to solve the problem there's only one to make the watch work correctly. It all comes down to a simply mathematical theory upon which one needs to make the correct adjustments at the right time.’ Why? Did you not understand him?”

“And do you understand what that means?” Fancy Pants interjected, his eyebrow raised as he looked at the pink mare, his face of that of utter astonishment. Pinkie stuck her tongue out as she scratched her chin. She was looking up at the sky, one eye closed as she sat there thinking.

“Nope! But it sounded cool, and super duper smart!” Pinkie laughed as she turned back to watch Time Turner.

Fancy Pants’ jaw was agape as he looked at her, his mind trying to process what had just transpired. As he tried to form words, a white hoof shot in front of him.

“Don’t ask… none of us understand her and we’re her best friends,” Rarity sighed, turning back to Time Turner as well. “It is just better to let it go and concentrate what is important.”

As this went on, Time Turner had never once stopped what he had been doing. He moved as if he was a skilled surgeon, performing a operation he had done hundred of times before. He didn’t even seem to be nervous about the time, as he kept placing parts back into the watch.

“Ten seconds left,Time Turner,” Fancy Pants announced, looking down at his watch. The brown stallion didn’t even seem to register this fact, as the kept working at the pace he had been going the entire time. A grin still visible on his face as he picked up the small gears.

“10… 9… 8… 7…” the crowd started to chant, fixated on Time Turner as he kept working. “6… 5…4… 3—”

“Finished!” Time Turner shouted, as he dropped the tweezers and picked up the watch. He placed his ear to the watch, to listen for the subtle tricks of the second hand. His blue eyes seemed to sparkle as he heard what he had wanted to hear, as he clicked the watch open. “Seems to be operating as it should,” he laughed, before tossing it over to Fancy Pants. “You watch is actually about five seconds fast. I can fix that for you after this,” he said, as he gave a deep bow to the audience.

“Bravo! Maravilloso! Simply splendid!” Fancy Pants cheered, as he looked down at the watch Time Turner had put together, and his own. “The time is correct, its working smoothly, and there is not a single scratch on it! Good stallion, I will be bringing my watches to you for now on!” Fancy Pants exclaimed, all earlier confusion of Pinkie Pie gone as he examined the watches. “Ten out of ten!”

“No Gentlecolt is complete without a watch, it is simply common practice. As for your talent I must say it was extremely impressive. I shall go with a nine out of ten.” Rarity added, holding up her score as she leaned over to get a better look at the watch.

“Ohhh!!! That super neat-o! A pineapple upside down cake for you!” Pinkie shouted, using a drawing of the said cake as her score. The crowd cheered in their approval of the scores, all the while Time Turner bowed, a grin of pure delight on his face. As the crowd kept on cheering, Time Turner made his way off stage, taking the steps down where all the other stallions were.

“That wasn’t so bad. They’re eating right out of our hooves,” Time Turner laughed, passing Mac on his way down the stairs. As he passed he did not notice how much Mac was shaking. Sweat was running down his muzzle and neck.

Everyone else had already gone, and all had talents that were far beyond anything he had to offer. Looking over his shoulder he had a large log he was going to lift a few times to show off his strength, but that was it. Behind him, Mac could see all the others stallions that had gone before him, and all had much greater and grander talents than he had to offer.

“Now, put your hooves together for our last stallion for the talent section! Please welcome back Big Mac!” The crowd broke into a frenzy at the name as he stood behind stage frighten beyond belief. His hooves were shaking uncontrollably as he looked back and forth as if trying to find a way out.

“Big! Mac! Big! Mac!” A chant erupted from the crowd, as the mares waited for him to appear, to see the stallion that so many of them had been wanting to see. This only served to make the large stallion to take a step backwards, fear controlling his every move.

“Don’t make em’ mares wait no longer cousin! Go out there and show em’ why us Apples are the best stallions all of Equestria!” Braeburn laughed, coming up behind Mac and giving him a hard shove onto stage.

The crowd erupted the moment the large red stallion stumbled onto stage. Wolf whistles, cat calls, and every other call seemed to echo from every corner of the crowd as Mac appeared. Even Pinkie gave a wolf whistle before breaking into a fit of laughter. Rainbow Dash watched intently as Mac made his way to the center of the stage, but before he could make it all the way, she heard something she, nor any of the other girls, rarely ever heard.

“Aw damn it all,” A.J swore, as she shook her head, her eyes solely on Mac. “This ain’t gonna be good…”

“What? Why’s that?! Big Mac is going to kill it!” Rainbow Dash said confidently, as she watched Big Mac take the large log off his back and placing it right in front of himself.

"He seems okay, Applejack. I'm sure he'll do just fine." However confident her words sounded, Applejack didn't quite like how her wings fluttered as she spoke.

“No he ain’t, can’t ya’ll tell he’s shaking?” Rainbow looked back to stage where the large stallion stood. To all appearances Mac looked like he always did, tall, strong, and his face was completely stoic. But soon it became visible to Rainbow, Mac’s right foreleg was shaking ever so slightly, and his eyes were occasionally darting back and forth.

Soon the crowd started to calm down, as Mac just stood there, the large log still resting at his hooves. The large stallion shifted uncomfortably as he looked all the eyes that were just focused on him, waiting for him to do something. The silence became almost like a buzzing in his ears as he slowly bent over to roll the log onto his hooves.

“So, Big Macintosh,” Rarity said, “it seems the lovely ladies of the town are eagerly awaiting your performance.”

Oh, ya don’t say?! Mac’s smile was strained, but he held it.

“Tell us, what shall you be doing for your talent?”

Big Mac took a big gulp. “Well, uh... I-I was thinkin’ ‘bout what my talent is, what sets me apart from other stallions.”

“Your toned flank?”

“Pretty eyes?”

“Adoracute smile?”

“Uh... n-no.” Mac tried to swallow the lump in his throat, then continued. “Ma strength.” With that Mac got up on his hind legs with the log in his hooves. With the large log in his hooves he started to lift it up and down, with little to no effort. The veins in his neck and forelegs that were popping out told a different story about the log’s weight.

Cheers came from the audience at once as they witnessed the strength of Big Mac. They watched the strain of his muscles as he lowered the log, and then to lift it back up again with could only be called ease. Even with the veins popping from his neck, he wore the same stoic look, chewing on the sprig of wheat in his mouth.

For several seconds the cheers seemed to like a thunderstorm, giving the large work pony the reception they all thought he deserved, for he was the stallion many had come to see. But, as time went on and Mac kept lifting the log at the same speed, not saying a word the cheers began to die down. The cheers were then replaced by a wave of whispers.

“Is that all he is going to do?”

“That’s not too impressive compared to the others.”

“He doesn’t even come close to them, even Bulk’s poetry was more impressive.”

“Maybe I should bid on Time Turner instead.”

The whispers could even be heard on stage, for Mac’s eyes seemed to become more panic as sweat, not from hard work, but from nervousness started to coat his sculpted body. He kept on lifting, however, unsure what else he could possibly do.

“He’s losing the crowd! That’s not good!” Rainbow growled, as she hovered a few feet above her friends looking from left to right as mares stopped paying attention.

“He’s just too nervous to do anything. He has a horrible case of stagefright,” Twilight watched Mac as well, seeing all the textbook signs that Mac was experience such a terrible fate.
“Applejack, is there anyway we can—”
“Mac! What’s ten plus fifteen, minus three, times three!” Applejack shouted above the crowd.

“Sixty-six”

“How about twenty eight times forty three, divided by four?!” AJ yelled out, a smug grin forming on her face.

“Three hundred and one.”

“Them be the right answers, Twilight?” Applejack asked, facing the princess with a look of victory on her face. Twilight seemed to be in a trance as she did the problems in her head.

“He’s right!” Twilight shouted, to the gasps of many ponies around them.

“That’s right Ponyville! Ma brother can do any problem in his head without thinkin’ about it! Go right ahead and ask em’! He’ll know the answer like it was written up in the sky!” Applejack boasted, pointing a hoof up at Big Mac, who didn’t even seem to register what was going on. “And Princess Twilight here will be doin the problems as well to see if she gets the same answer! So come on one and all!”

“Five hundred plus three hundred times five!”

“Four thousand,” Mac said simply, his eyes still having a bit of panic in them.

“Seventy seven plus one minus four minus seventy cubed!”

“Negative two hundred and seventy six.”

Ponies continued to shout out questions in quick succession, as Mac answered them one after another without much difficulty, almost as if the answers were being held up somewhere in the crowd. Even with all the success that seemed to be following him, Mac still looked panicked as before.

“He seems to be doing than before, but he still looks so scared,” Fluttershy said, watching the spectacle in front of them.

“Ah got a solution ta that; Apple Bloom, come over here!” Applejack yelled, grabbing the attention of her little sister and her best friends. As Apple Bloom approached, Applejack met her halfway and bent down so she was whispering in her sister’s ear. A large smile broke out on Bloom’s face as she ran to her friends, whispering whatever Applejack had told her. Like their friend, huge smile appeared on their faces as the Cutie Mark Crusaders ran towards the stage.

“What did you tell them?” Twilight asked, having to raise her voice so she was heard over the crowd that was still shouting out problems to Big Mac.

“Just wait an see, Sugarcube,” Applejack said, watching as the Cutie Mark Crusaders running through the crowd before splitting up. Bloom had turned towards the tent where the stallions were, while Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle had made their way onto the stage.

The two young fillies crawled up onto stage and went straight for Big Mac, as he counted to give answers in his mortified state. He didn’t seem to notice the two young fillies at first, until he lowered the log once more and they both jumped on. The added weight didn’t seem to phase Mac as all since he lifted it right back up with no sign of difficulty.

“Hey Big Mac, what is four to the third power, divided by two, plus fifty five?” Sweetie asked, as she was lifted up and lowered over and over again.

“Eighty seven” Mac responded, not seeming to have noticed that he was now lifting her and one of her best friends.

“How fast would Rainbow Dash have to go if she wanted to make it from Cloudsdale to Stalliongrad in under ten minutes?” Scootaloo questioned, her wings buzzing with excitement.

“Seven hundred and seventy miles per hour,” The answer just rolled off of Big Mac’s tongue as if he had done the math a thousand times before. The audience gave a small amount of cheers as Big Mac kept going, but a hush soon fell over the crowd as two figures flew onto the stage in a blur.

Each came flying in on either side of the stage before they performed a small loop landing on each side of the log; landing next to Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. It was Soarin and Thunderlane, two fully grown stallion sitting on either side of the log. The added weight didn’t seem to give Mac difficulty as he kept on lifting, answering questions from the audience.

“Tell us Mac,” Soarin began, scratching his chin as he tried to think of a problem, “If I was to eat five apple pies in one sitting, how many laps around the Wonderbolt stadium will I have to do to burn them off?”

“A hundred and thirty three.” Soarin gave out a low whistle as cheers came from the audience.

“How about this, what thirty-three times six, times five, plus one times two plus twenty times four?” Thunderlane asked, as he kept one hoof off the ground, that was wrapped in bandages.

“Eight thousand and eight” A few laughed emanated from the audience from those who understood the joke, while other just applauded the stallion strength and mind.

With each rep of his forearms, the world got a good look at how strong Mac was, as his biceps tightened and relaxed with each movement. A sheen of sweat could be seen upon his brow as he kept on working his strength. The sweat was not just restricted to his forehead as it moved down his coat, highling this muscle for the mares to see and swoon at. All the while the questions did not stop coming, everypony wanting to see how far the stallion could be challenged.

“I say dear fellow,” Time Turner interrupted, as he trotted back on stage. “I would like to ask a question of my own if you don’t mind. What is the function ‘F of x’ equals three x to the fourth power minus four x to the power cubed plus x to the second power squared plus x plus five. When substituting one for x?” The crowd turned to Time Turner, man of them scratching their heads, jaws dropped, or their eyes going crossed.

“F of what now?”

“I hated algebra when I was school! Numbers and letters should not go together!”

“How do you cube something?”

The crowd broke into commotion as they questioned one another, trying to figure out what Time Turner had even asked. Several had taken up writing the problem in the dirt, trying to figure out what was said and even how to start it. Others seemed to be trying to recall memories of school, trying to remember those horrible math classes and the problems they would never use.

“Three.”

That simple word made the entire crowd stop with their own attempts, and turned back to the stallion on stage. The Pegasi and two fillies, sitting on the log, looked down at Mac in awe as he just kept on lifting them up and down, seeming to have had just thrown out a random number.

“I-is he right?” Fancy Pants asked, his eyes widen and jaw slack while his monocle fell from his eye as he looked at Big Mac before looking over to Time Turner.

The tan pony just stood there, a thin smile on his lips as he looked to Big Mac, as he continued to lift the log. “To solve that problem in your head in such speed is a gift. And for that I applaud you Big Mac, for that is correct!” Time Turner's smile grew as the applause from the crowd mimicked his own excitement.

“Look at em’! Their eatin’ right out of Mac’s hoof!” Applejack laughed, as she gave out a whistle to cheer her brother on. “After that little problem their is no doubt that Mac can solve any problem this crowd could—”

“Mac! What's the first composite number,” Twilight shouted, “of the form two to the Nth power minus one, in which N is prime, but the number is NOT divisible by Two N PLUS one?!" Not a sound could be heard from the audience, as all heads, painfully slow, turned to Twilight, whose wings were fully extended and a large toothy smile was spread across her face, as stars formed in her eyes.

It did not take her long to feel the withering stare of everypony on her, and the intense and with killing intent glare coming from Applejack. Slowly, Twilight’s wings started to fold as a deep blush came over her face.

“The hell Twilight!” Applejack shouted, stomping over to Twilight and glaring down at her. “Were supposed ta make him look good in front of everypony! Not throw him an impossible problem! The hell were ya thinkin’?!”

“I’m sorry Applejack… everypony else was getting into it and I just kind of… uh… want to try?”

“Wanted to try?!” Applejack repeated, her eyes full of furry. “Because of yer little stunt, Mac is not gonna be able to find himself a bidder! And all because ya wanted to try!” Applejack facehoofed as Twilight’s blush grew deeper as gave a meek smile. “Ah swear if yer were not a Princess Ah would buck ya so hard ya woudn’t be able ta—”

"Five hundred thirty-six million," Mac grunted, "eight hundred seventy thousand, nine hundred … and … eleven!"

Heads shoot back to Mac, who was still powering through his reps, looking as though he had not even answered the problem and was still demonstrating his strength. As soon as the stallion had been looked at they all turned back to Twilight, eyes filled with anticipation.

“He’s… right!” Twilight exclaimed, her face turning a shade of red as Mac’s coat. “He’s absolutely right!” she declared again, as she fought her wings from extending again. The crowd broke into a frenzy as Mac finally dropped the log on the ground, letting his added ‘weights’ climb off and return to either backstage or the audience.

“Unbelievable! Simply unbelievable!” Fancy Pants shouted, clopping his hooves together as he looked to Big Mac, as if he was looking at a piece of art that had revolutionized art itself. “In our modern age it seems that a pony has to choose to either be brawn or intellect, by you, you wonderful stallion! You have proven them all wrong! Not only are you smart, but you are stronger than any creature I have ever seen! There is no score I could give you to even bring justice to what you have done!”

“Jumping Jelly Beans! That was so cool!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, jumping from her seat and onto the table, bouncing up and down. “I have no idea what he just said but it was super cool! I failed math! All the pies for you, Mac!” Pinkie said happily, as she just bounced up and down shaking everything on the table.

Rarity just sat there, a calm and collected grin on her face as she looked at Big Mac with her clear blue eyes. “Really what did you all expect,” she asked, as she just examined her hoof.,“of Ponyville’s most Eligible Bachelor?”

Chapter 7: Sexy and the Mares Know It

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Chapter 7: Sexy and the Mares Know It

Mac rubbed his forelegs against one another as the crowd cheered for him, a shy smile on his face despite his ears being plastered to his head, both from exertion and embarrassment. As strong as he might be, standing on stage in front of an entire crowd shook his nerves like no other. Slowly, he started to remove the log from the stage as a few mares gave out a few final cat calls.

The curtains swung closed behind Mac just as Carrot Cake stepped back on the stage. “Settle down there, mares. I would like to thank our judges again for giving their much appreciated view on the talents that these stallions had to share with us. Do you have any final words?” Fancy Pants stood up from his seat and cleared his throat.

“Stallions of Ponyville and beyond, never have I been so delighted as to judge such a show. All of you are a gold mine of talent and so much more. Out of all the stallions here however, I can only say one of them had truly shown the greatest virtues of being a stallion. And so I must highly recommend to all mares out there to bid on... Thunderlane!” A wave of cheers rose up from the crowd. Fancy adjusted his monocle one more time, gave a humble bow, and left the stage.

As he left, Rarity sashayed to center stage, drinking in the attention and the spotlight. “This front row seat did help me narrow my own decisions,” she began, running a hoof through her mane, “but I simply can’t endorse just one stallion. Macintosh easily proved why he would be such a catch with that demonstration of strength and brain, while Soarin captivated a few hearts as well with that simply divine voice of his! Then there was little Spikey-Wikey and his juggling act. Though it scared me something awful, he has truly shown that though he may be a baby dragon, he is more than mature enough to win the heart of some lucky mare... or filly,” she added, giving a wink to her profusely blushing little sister.

“Thus, I encourage all my fellow mares to bid with your hearts desire, and may fortune smile upon you!” Rarity gave a final bow to the audience, before she too left stage and made her way back to her friends in the crowd.

“There is only one clear winner to me!” Pinkie shouted, jumping from her seat and onto the table. “He was the most handsome, talented, and funny pony ever!”

“She is really taking this crush on Caramel to new heights, isn’t she?” Rainbow asked, as she and the others watched Pinkie bounce in place.

“Well… I guess all is fair in love and war,” Twilight said sheepishly, trying to hide her own embarrassment for her friend.

“Who is it, Pinkie?” Carrot finally asked, after watching her bounce around for a few more seconds, his eyes following her every move and showing signs of motion sickness from watching her.

“Eeyore!” Pinkie declared, as she stopped bouncing to stare out into the audience. A silence washed over the crowd. One could have heard a pin drop in Canterlot. All eyes were completely fixated on Pinkie as she stood there, her blue eyes shimmering due to the stage lights.

“Um… Pinkie, Eeyore is—”

“I know he’s a donkey, so don’t tell my dad okay? He’s not as accepting as other ponies! But I’m sure he’ll warm up to him!” Pinkie squeed as she bounced over to Carrot and gave him a peck on the cheek. “You're the bestest uncle ever!” A final bounce towards the crowd, and Carrot was alone on the stage.

Carrot Cake just watched after Pinkie, his face seeming to contort upon itself before he gave a fierce shake. Clearing his throat, and pulling at the bow tie around his neck, he turned to face the audience again with a large grin on his face.

“Alright mares! It’s time for the final segment of this show before the bidding! The swimsuit competition!” Carrot Cake’s voice boomed. “But first, let me introduce our judge for this segment. I give you the Princess of Love herself: Princess Cadance!”

“What?!” Twilight shouted, as her sister-in-law started to walk across stage, waving to the many cheers. From behind the curtain, Shining Armor scowled while watching his wife take the stage. Cadence just continued to wave, despite how her sister and husband were acting.

“Thank you so much for asking me to be here. While I, myself, am off the market, that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a stallion’s looks,” she said, laughing into her hoof. Shining, on the other hoof, could be heard slamming his head against the railing of the royal box.

“Well, we are glad you are here for this your highness!” Cake said, giving a light bow. “This final part will seal the fate of many of these stallions tonight, so without further delay please welcome back to the stage, the Cowcolt of Appleoosa: Braeburn Apple!”

The velvet curtains started to be pulled back, but instead of an empty stage as before, there was now a large brown staircase that curved from left to right with golden accents. At the top of the staircase was now a doorway with a red curtain sealing it.

As soon as his name was called, Braeburn came bursting through the curtain, rearing on his hind legs. At the drop of a hat the entire crowd started to cheer for the country stallion as he started to make his way down the steps.

“Braeburn! Where is your swimsuit?!” Carrot shouted. Braeburn was not wearing anything one might consider swimming attire, but instead a pair of dark brown chaps and his signature hat. Braeburn just laughed as he took his time to get to the bottom of the stairs, making sure to give the mares ample time to admire him.

“Aw shucks, we were supposed ta be wearing swimsuit? I just plum forgot,” Braeburn said with a flick of his tail and winked at the audience. To the surprise of exactly nopony, the mares started to cheer louder as Braeburn sashayed his way down the the steps, letting his hips sway back and forth to give them all a good look at the goods.

Carrot shook his head as he pressed a hoof to his forehead. “Sure you did, Braeburn… sure you did.” Cake mumbled as Braeburn found himself at the bottom of the steps. “Now just stay there, Mister Apple... and please keep your tail down.” Braeburn tipped his hat to the crowd, followed by the screams of many mares. Shaking his head. Carrot cleared his throat and tried to once more bring the ever wild crowd under control.

Cadance just giggled into her hoof as she watched Braeburn’s descent and showing off to all the mares. “My, my. It seems like somepony has a lot of spirit,” she laughed as she admired Braeburn’s frame. “It seems like Apple stallions are just genetically built to be some of the best looking ponies. I shall give you a nine out of ten.”

“Alright!” Mister Cake said as the lewd cheers died down. “Please remember there are more stallions back there ready to capture your hearts, or in this case a dragon! Welcome the Ponyville’s Number One Assistant: Spike the Dragon!” As his name was called, Spike came walking out of the doorway, throwing the curtains back as far as he could to give him more of a dramatic look. The young dragon then proceed down the stairs, his claws on his hips with what he must of thought as a heart stopping smile.

“And here is Spike, sporting a pair of emerald green swimtrunks,” Carrot announced, as Spike walked down the steps to the applause of the audience. He waved to the audience a bit as he stuck out his chest. Eventually, his eyes look to the judges table, but his face fell once he noted the lack of a certain judge.

“Aww… I thought Rarity was still a judge. I really wanted her to see me in my new swim trunks,” Spike huffed, slowly making his way down the stairs, his face looking absolutely defeated as he did so. When he reached his designated step to stand on, Braeburn hooked a foreleg around him and pulled him close.

“Don’t worry their, little buddy. She and the rest of them fine mares can see you just fine!” The crowd gave out a roar of cheering agreement. Spike’s scales grew slightly red as he waved out to the audience with Braeburn.

“Oh Spike, you are so cute,” Cadance said, making the dragon’s blush grow deeper. “You are so adorable in those swim trunks. It reminds me of the time I had to help Twilight give you a bath when you were just a baby. Oh, you always put up such a fit when ever we tried to scrub your—”

“Uh… Ah don’t want ta be rude yer majesty, but Ah’m afraid if Spike’s face turns any more red, it’s gonna stay that way,” Braeburn interrupted, as Spike held his face in his claws shaking his head while the crowd laughed.

“Oh dear me, I’m so sorry, Spikey! A seven out of ten!” Cadance announced, trying to give Spike an apologetic look as the crowd cheered on. The dragon just continued to hide his face, wishing that he could be anywhere else but on that stage.

“Let’s keep this show rolling people! Please welcome back the Co-Captain of the Wonderbolts, and Equestria’s most Eligible Bachelor for the last three years: Soarin Nimbus!” Cake shouted, and once more the curtains to the door flew open. Soarin jumped out, wings fully extended. He was flashing that a cocksure, teasing grin, complete with a raised eyebrow that one could see in almost any Wonderbolt poster.

“Soarin is showing off that athletic figure with a pair of dark blue swimtrunks, sporting the Wonderbolt’s logo,” Carrot commented, as Soarin began his own descent down. However, while concentrating on flashing that sinful smile and trying to look his best, Soarin did not pay attention to the stairs, and one misstep later, Soarin went tumbling down the stairs.

The crowd gave a collective gasp as Soarin fell head first down the first flight of stairs. It looked like there was not a single step that didn’t smash into Soarin’s head as he fell. With a final dull thud, and a sound not unlike two coconuts banging together, he came to a painful stop on the first landing... with his flank high in the air and his tail drooping over his face. All ponies watched in collective silence as Soarin slowly righted himself, shaking his head hard as he fully stood up.

“We’re good!” Soarin shouted, smiling once again as he spread his wings as to make sure they were alright. As the crowd cheered for Soarin’s recover, a certain apple farmer gave out a sigh of relief, a single orange hoof clutching her breast. This act did not go unnoticed by her friends, who began to circle her like sharks smelling blood in the water.

“Oh? Were you worried about your Playcolt?” Rainbow teased, flicking Applejack’s mane with a wing. Applejack’s face instantly went instantly red as she tried to push Rainbow Dash off of her.

“He ain’t ma playcolt! Ah was worried about a friend!” Applejack spat back, trying to keep her distance.

“But imagine if he was hurt darling,” Rarity cooed. “You could have nursed him back to health all by yourself.” She slunk towards Applejack’s other side, boxing her in. “All that time alone with him, uninterrupted, just imagine all the possibilities,” Rarity whispered, before giggling. Apparently, it didn’t take the honest farmer much time to imagine the possibilities Rarity was thinking of, as her face quickly flashed a shade of red that would make her brother proud.

“Shut up!” Applejack shouted, but she was drowned out by the cheering of the crowd and the laughter of her friends. All the while Soarin had made it to his own step right above Spike, trying his best to look like he was still in control and not wincing in any sort of pain. He was an athlete who had been in several crashes. The only thing that was in real danger of being hurt was his pride.

“I guess that just goes to prove that we all can’t be perfect,” Cadance said, as she observed Soarin standing there. “Celebrities and athletes are always a filly’s first crush, and seeing them mixed into one is always a pleasure,” Cadance remarked, and as she did Soarin turned to her and gave her a wink. “And married mares secret crushes,” she giggled, knowing that Shining must be going nuts watching this, but it was all in good fun. “A nine out of ten for you as well, Mister Nimbus” The crowd once again broke out into cheers as Soarin gave a slight bow to the Princess.

“Alright, alright settle down. You mares still want to see the rest of them don’t you?” Carrot asked, to which he was greeted by another round of cheers and whistles. “Well then, please give it up for the master of poetry and the strongest pegasus you will ever meet: Bulk Biceps!” As Carrot announced the arrival, the curtains flew open once more, a growing tradition it seemed like, to reveal Bulk Biceps in all his glory.

“YEAH!” Bulk shouted, as he flexed on the top of the staircase, showing off the large muscles he had worked so hard for. Though, unlike all the stallions before him, Bulk was not greeted by a roar of applause, but instead a dead silence as all eyes fell on him and what he was wearing. More specifically, what he was barely wearing.

A black.

Tightly fitting.

Speedo.

But more than that, his fur glistened under the harsh spotlight. Bulk had took a trick from his time on the bodybuilding circuit and oiled himself up. Every bulging vein, every popping muscle, every crevice was shiny and flexed.

Bulk stood there on top of the staircase flexing, seeming unaware of the dead silence that was focused on his chosen article of clothing. Several mothers had already placed a hoof in front of the foals eyes, as others shamelessly stared at Bulk. The silence seemed to go on for an eternity until…

Pomf!

Cheering and whistling seemed to explode out of nowhere as Bulk made his way down the steps, flexing his muscles all the while and shouting ‘YEAH!’ at every possible time. As the crowd was distracted by the flexing stallion, five sets of eyes fell upon a yellow pegasus that was desperately trying to get her wings back under control.

“Oh my…” whispered Rarity as she looked at the now crimson face Fluttershy. “Might you be reconsidering your bidding?” She asked, taking a few steps towards Fluttershy, who was desperately trying to hide her face within her mane. Fluttershy’s wings twitched uncontrollably as she tried to bring them back under control.

“I guess Fluttershy has a thing for big strong stallions,” Rainbow teased, as she poked her friend’s shoulder. “First Braeburn, now Bulk, she just wants a pair of big strong forelegs to wrap around her,” Rainbow laughed, as Fluttershy shrunk.

“Says the mare goin’ after ma brother,” Applejack intervened, giving Rainbow Dash a hard jab in the ribs. “The strongest stallion all of Equestria.” It was now Rainbow’s turn to flush beet red.

“Hey, I haven’t decided yet, or if I’m even going to bid! If you were a pegasus, you would pop a winger every time Soarin was in eyesight!” Rainbow shouted back, and before long the two mares were locked in a glaring match that would make some of the stallions in the auction cower.

While they argued, however, Bulk Biceps had made it to his spot right above Soarin and was still flexing. The other contests just looked up at Bulk, in a mixture of jealousy for how much more attention he was getting, and horror for what he had on and being so close to him.

“Well now, that was not something I was not expecting,” Princess Cadance said, looking at Bulk’s flexing form. “Then again, this is a stallion who keeps surprising us with the most interesting of tastes. A ten out of ten for that body I will have to say,” Cadance said, holding up the sign and grinning at the flexing stallion. “Just don’t stop flexing,” she added, giving a playful wink to the stallion. At once, Bulk’s face went completely red, and Twilight swore she could hear the grinding of Shining’s teeth from the royal box.

“Honestly, between the crying, singing, math, and dueling I don’t think I can be surprised ever again,” Carrot said, shaking his head as he looked down at the microphone. “So without further delay here is the heartthrob of Canterlot: Prince Blueblood!”

As his name was announced, Blueblood slipped his head out of the curtains and looked around, his nose looking as if he had never been hit. After a short look, Blueblood gave a seductive smile and a wink to the audience before slipping back behind the curtains and then throwing them open.

Blueblood was dressed in a tight purple lycra one piece, that hugged his body perfectly, showing off his impressive physique. Blueblood proceed to trot down the steps, his head pointed slightly upwards and eyes closed as he walked. He took exaggerated steps, stretching out his legs as far as he could with each step. Stopping at the first landing, he flipped his hair to-and-fro, showing off his golden mane before proceeding to his spot right behind Bulk.

The crowd sat in complete silence, watching Blueblood as he walked down the steps. It was hard to imagine that such a jerk could look so sexy at the same time. Even Rarity, the target of Blueblood’s aggression, could not hide the pink in her cheeks as she watched the stallion.

For as shallow and pretentious as he could be at time, Prince Blueblood knew how to make an entrance and the crowd ate it up. Almost no pony, except the ones who knew him personally, could deny his presence on stage and what that swimsuit did to show off his body. Cat calls were made toward the prince as he stood there, smiling that impossibly white smile, basking in the glory that was him.

The applause for Blueblood’s entrance could only be described as deafening. One could almost not hear themselves think as the crowd went berserk for the good looking prince, as though all his recent digressions were forgiven for just showing off his body in such a way. Blueblood blew kisses to a few mares in the crowd, followed by a flirtatious wink. As rugged or talented as ponies like Braeburn and Soarin, they could never come close to a prince’s charm.

As the applause slowly began to die down, focus came back to the Princess of Love as she stared at Blueblood, one of her eyes slightly twitching as she did so. Her mouth opened a few times as she tried to talk, but no words came out as she sat there.

“I… I just don’t know what to say,” she said, shaking her head and rubbing the temples of her head with her hooves. “He’s my cousin and to judge him on that is just kind of, well… ew…” She continued to look at Blueblood, as he kept blowing kisses out to the crowd. “I guess I have to give him a eight out of ten.” Cadance finally announced, to the much approval to many of the mares in the audience. “And take a very hot shower tonight,” she murmured.

“Now don’t go spending your bits in one place, ladies,” Carrot Cake interjected, his voice cutting through the cheers. “We are now at the halfway point with all these wonderful stallions! Please put your hooves together for Ponyville’s Premiere Prince Puncher: Thunderlane!” At those words, Prince Blueblood’s face scrunched up into a hideous scowl as Thunderlane emerged from backstage.

Thunderlane appeared with his wings flared, in a pair of golden swim trunks that matched his eyes perfectly. Like the stallions before him, Thunderlane made his way down the down the steps to a roar of applause, but with each step he gave an obvious limp. He was forcing a smile as he made his way down, and gave a slight wince of pain as he placed pressure on one of his front hooves.

The crowd didn’t seem to notice his discomfort, as they were too busy enjoying ogling over the physique of a athletic stallion. But one mare in particular did notice the stallion’s limp, and with each step she felt it tug at her heart strings.

“He is still going on like that?” Rarity gasped, as she watched as Thunderline made it to his own spot right behind Blueblood, who refused to look in Thunderlane’s direction at all. “Redheart should've had him sit out this round,” she continued, just shaking her head as Thunderlane gave a wave with his bandaged hoof.

“Tall, dark, and handsome? How are you still a bachelor?” Cadance asked, batting her eyelashes at the pegasus, who meeky rubbed the back of his head. “And those eyes, if you don’t get a date by the end of this I might have to take you out myself,” she added with a laugh, making the poor stallion’s face turn a shade of red that his dark fur could not contain, and making a certain white one give a roar of jealousy. “Ten out of ten for you,” Cadance giggled, holding up the card the score.

As always, the crowd began to cheer for the score as the stallions on stage continued to show of their bodies in anyway possible to keep themselves relevant. Soon, Cake’s voice cut through the applause with every intent of keeping the show going as scheduled, or at least as scheduled as events could be in Ponyville.

“Don’t forget about the other stallions in the back, mares, each one ready to come out here to impress you! Give a warm welcome to the Studly Sarge with a Mouth: Tweak!” Marching right from behind the curtains, Tweak stood at attention at the top of the steps dressed in dark green P.T. shorts. As the cheers erupted from the crowd, he began marching down the steps, looking straight ahead as if he had blinders on.

As the crowd cheered, a single figure jumped up from the crowd and hovered above them all. “You can all shut up! He’s mine!” Cloudchaser shouted, as she locked on to Tweak. His lips curved ever so slightly as he kept on marching down the steps till, as like all the others, stood on his step looking out at the crowd.

“Hmm… it looks like my judgement might not be needed on this one after all,” Cadance teased, as she looked at the Pegasus in the air. “One has to admire the military body after all, and the... stamina that goes with it,” Candance rubbed her chin as she looked Tweak over before a smile appeared. “A seven out of ten!” Tweak gave a short salute as the crowd once again began to cheer for the score, while Cloudchaser floated back to the ground, satisfied her claim was made.

“Looks like the bidding has already begun,” Carrot laughed, pulling at his necktie a bit. “So next up, put your hooves together for the Rocking Royal Guard: Flash Sentry!” Before the curtains could even be opened, the crowd broke out into a frenzy over the stallion. The curtains were slowly pushed open, and a meek smiling Flash Sentry walked out dressed in a pair of dark blue swimtrunks.

As the cheering continued, Flash’s face gradually became less nervous. Spreading his wings, Flash began to trot down the steps turning to the crowd and smiling widely. As his movements began to become bolder, Twilight’s cheeks started to grow a deeper shade of crimson.

“I guess you can say he is—”

“Keep walking!” Shining Armor barked above the crowd, effectively silencing them all, except the sound of Twilight facehoofing. Instantly Flash’s wings folded in next to him and he straightened up.

“Sir! Yes, sir!” Flash shouted, as he marched to his spot in the stairs and faced forward without making another movement to displease his higher up. Shining gave a snort before sitting back down, however, as he did he did not notice the glare that was being directed at him from his wife.

“Well, that was certainly a change,” she said slowly, looking back at Shining Armor who looked all too proud with himself. “From what I saw, however short, I must say that Flash Sentry’s body is definitely that of Royal Guard. A nine out of ten for you, and might I add that you have an impressive... wingspan,” she add in a flirtatious manner. Several cat calls were made as Cadance turned to a fuming Shining and winked at him.

The former Captain of the Guard’s face turned red in anger, directing his own glare at the orange Pegasus on stage who was visibly sweating. Only Twilight was aware of the glaring match, as the rest of the crowd cheered for Flash Sentry, a few groups even whispered guesses as to what his wingspan was. Mister Cake on the other hoof just shook his head, contemplating why he had even volunteered to be master of ceremonies.

“Well, Flash, I wouldn't want to be in your situation right now,” Carrot laughed, as the crowd gave a final round of applause. “But as they say ‘the show must go on,’ and go on it will! Please, let me reintroduce the Bruised Bruiser: Shock n’ Awe!”

The crowd started to applaud as Shock n’ Awe made his way out onto the stage. He was wearing a pair of bright red swim trunks, and had several bandages wrapped around his head. Still, he smiled out to the audience and he made his way down the steps, swishing his tail back and forth as he walked earning him a few whistles himself. With the stairs filling up with all the eligible bachelors, it only took Shock a few steps to reach his spot right next to Flash. Taking his spot, Shock waved to the crowd of ponies while trying to flex, though his muscles came no where near magnitude of Bulk Biceps.

“Quite the threshold for pain you have,” Cadance noted, looking at the bandages around his head that had a slight tinge of red forming around the forehead. “I would have thought you would be down for the count after that little stunt you pulled.”

Shock merely chuckled as he ran a hoof across his bandages. “It’s going to take a lot more than a concussion to keep this pony down,” Shock responded, though flinching slightly as he touched his bandaged head. “Besides, I’ve got the stamina to get through any situation, and I do mean any.” Shock gave a wink to the princess, either ignoring or not noticing the pure death glared at him from her husband.

“Quite,” Cadance said, shaking her head at the stallions. “Well, I’m going to have to give you a six out of ten. It’s obvious you have a body of a guard, but seeing that you're so willing to injure it isn’t a trait I can see a mare enjoying.” With that, Cadance held up her card and the crowd cheered in her decision. Shock only shrugged as he looked back out at the audience and waved some more.

“Let’s keep the ball rolling! Three more stallions to go!” Carrot shouted, to much of the approval of the crowd. “Let’s bring back on stage the Master of Ventriloquism: Caramel!” Upon hearing his name, Pinkie started to bounce in place, an unnatural smile breaking out across her face.

“Ooo! I hope Eeyore is with him!” Pinkie squealed. “How cute would it be to see him in a tiny pair of swim trunks?” she added with a giggle as she focused on the curtains on top of the stage. Soon enough, Caramel emerged from behind them, unable to hide the redness of his face as he walked down the stairs.

He smiled weakly to the crowd, making no attempt to show off his body, in fact almost trying to hide himself from the ogling mares, and looking just as nervous as Mac has been each time he went on stage. He wore a pair of purple swim trunks that were just a bit too baggy for his as he stood next to Shock.

“Oh, there’s no need to be so nervous,” Cadance cooed, as she looked up at the stallion on stage. “You’re quite the handsome stallion, and any mare would be lucky to win a date with you.” At her words, Caramel’s face just continued to grow a darker shade of red. To this effect, Cadance just giggled as she held up her score. “A six out of ten for you as well!” Applause rang out as the shy pony just shuffled his hooves together, wishing the spotlight off himself.

“Indeed, but I don’t think our next stallion will have any problem being in the spotlight for too long. Help me welcome back to the stage, the Master of Time: Time Turner!” The crowd was launched into a frenzy yet again as the curtains were pushed back and Time Turner appeared, adjusting his necktie in the spotlight.

He was wearing a pair of black swim trunks as he started to make his way down the stairs, giving a flip of a mane as he walked. Unlike Caramel, he seemed to be genuinely smiling, just happy to be there and getting the chance to actually be the center of attention. Finding his spot behind Caramel, he gave a bow to the audience before putting his foreleg around the more nervous pony and waved to the crowd. With his small gesture, he had the crowd eating out of his hoof as he waved to them all.

“What a gentlecolt,” Cadance said. “And I must say I love the outfit! Tight black shorts and a necktie? Reminds me a bit of my bachelorette party,” she said with a wistful sigh, her cheeks turning slightly red. “How much fun that was. But I can’t spend the entire night daydreaming! An eight out of ten for you!” Time Turner waved to Cadane as she made her decision much to the crowd’s enjoyment.

“Now, now; we have one more stallion to show off,” Carrot interrupted, making the crowd burst into a new roar of applause as the most sought after bachelor was due to make his appearance. “Last, but certainly not least, give it up for Ponyville’s Gentle Giant: Big Mac!” Carrot shouted, as the spotlight fell upon the entrance to the stage once more. A sudden hush came over the crowd, as every mare leaned in at once, trying to get a better look for when Big Mac came out. For many, this was the highlight of the evening and one not to be missed.

Ever so slowly, Big Mac’s head poked out of the curtains and the entire audience exploded into cheers as he slowly made his way out. However, when the stallion was fully out and illuminated the cheering immediately stopped. Several seconds of ear numbing silence filled the air, before the crowd broke out into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

Standing there, on the top of the staircase was Big Mac in bright green swim trunks. However, around his neck, in place of his traditional yoke, was a bright blue and green inner tube, and floaties with big green apples on them strapped around his forelegs.

“M-Mac, whatever are you wearing?” Carrot asked, trying to contain his own laughter at the already mollified pony, but failing quite miserably.

“Granny says even big ponies can drown,” Mac said, still chewing on the ever present stock of wheat. The crowd just countiend to laugh, as well as the stallions on stage. Even Braeburn had fallen to his side, laughing so hard at his poor cousin.

“Oh, Celestia! Who told him to wear that?!” Rainbow Dash cackled, rolling around on the ground in a hysterical fit of laughter. Applejack on the other hoof pulled her hat over her eyes trying to hide her own embarrassment that coincided with her brothers. From under the brim of her hat, she looked at her friends reaction to see if any of them were showing any kind of mercy to her poor brother.

Unfortunately, they were all laughing hysterically at Mac’s appearance. Even Fluttershy, who was usually so in tune with others feelings, was tittering from behind her mane as Mac found his spot behind Time Turner, who was himself trying to control his giggling. Rarity, who was always strived to act lady like, gave out a loud snort as she laughed. Tears were running down her face staining her white fur with her mascara. Pinkie was almost as bad as Rainbow as she laid sprawled out on the ground, slamming her hooves into the ground as she laughed. Twilight had both hooves over her mouth trying to keep herself under control, but tears were running down her eyes as well.

Mac stood there and took it, smiling ever so slightly as he endured it all. While he would have liked it for ponies not to laugh at him so much, he had expected it. Unfortunately, these were the only swim attire he owned. Standing his ground, Mac just took it all with pride, knowing he had to look pretty funny up there on stage

“I… I must say Macintosh, that was the last thing I was expecting,” Cadance wheezed, as she too was on the verge of tears from laughing so hard. Wiping her tears away, she tried to regain her composure, but the sight of Mac was just too much. “This part of the contest was to show off ones bodies and… but you do look rather cute!” Cadance said, still holding back laughter. "And it is quite hard to hide that body of yours no mater what you might do. A eight out of ten!" Cadance declared. The crowd continued to laugh, however, but Mac just took it all like he was bracing a storm.

“Now, now this is no way to treat a contestant,” Mister Cake’s voice boomed over the crowd as he regain his composure. “So, let’s give it up for all our stallions one more time before we begin the bidding! But before we do, we have one last surprise for all of you just to tempt you mares a bit more. Cadance will you do the—”

Before Carrot could finish, a pony from back stage came running out and started to whisper in Carrot’s ear. He just nodded as the pony slipped him a piece of paper before running back off stage. Clearing his throat, Mister Cake looked over the crowd and grinned.

“Well, it seems that we have a last minute entry,” he laughed, as the crowd began to whisper to one another. “Though… he is not technically a bachelor I can’t refused the request. So please welcome to the stage, the former Captain of the Guard, Prince Consort of the Crystal Kingdom, and one jealous husband: Shining Armor!”

A blue blast of magic threw open the curtains and Shining Armor came striding out from behind the curtains. He wore no swim apparel, but it was clear that he didn’t need to wear anything to complement his looks. Between flexing his muscles, fur shining like gloss, and a confident look in his eyes that not even Soarin can match, he was a sight to behold.

If the crowd had roared for the other stallions, they all but exploded as Shining stopped behind Big Mac. No mare was safe from Shining’s looks, except for a certain purple Alicorn, who had her head buried under her wings as her friends cheered and whistled for her married brother.

Shining just took it all in, as he looked down at the judges table to see his wife gawking at him. Grinning to himself, Shining was far from being done as he turned around and bent over. Raising one hoof up, he slapped his flank in front of the entire crowd. The crowd broke into pure, unadulterated chaos at the sight of the former most eligible bachelor in all of Equestria.

“That’s right, I still got it!” Shining shouted as he stood back and bowed to the masses of cheering mares. As he started to lean over again, a pink blur flew across stage and tackled Shining down onto the steps.

“Twelve out of ten okay thanks for playing have fun everypony bye!” Cadance shouted, as she kissed her husband shamelessly in front of the entirety of Ponyville. For the second time that night, two ponies were locked in pure passions as hooves went places where they should only go in the bedroom. Unlike the last surprise makeout session, however, nopony seemed too interested in trying to pry the Princess of Love off her beau. Even weeks later, Twilight would still not get those horrific images out of her mind as she tried to sleep.

As the passion-fueled event played out, Carrot Cake made his way across stage towards the judges’ table. Pushing the small table to the side revealing a lever behind it. “I guess this now has two purposes,” Carrot side as he looked out at the audience, who seemed unable to take their eyes off the royal couple who were going to town. “Stallions, I hope you're ready for a quick shower,” the baker laughed as he pulled the lever.

Above the roar of the crowd, a loud rumble could be heard, mere seconds before a wave of water came crashing down on all the stallions on stage. Several gave filly-like screams of surprise and horror as they were all soaked to the bone. The wave of water only lasted for a few seconds, but what happened afterwards would never leave the minds of many mares.

As if in slow motion, they watched as all the stallions begin to shake themselves dry. Their now wet fur stuck to their bodies, showing off the lean and powerful muscles underneath. Manes whipped to and fro, sending a cascade of water droplets into the air, forming a hazy rainbow over the staircase of glistening stallion meat. Not a single Pegasus seemed able to keep their wings under control as they looked at the mighty bodies of Braeburn, Soarin, Bulk, Thunderlane, even Big Mac, despite his ridiculous getup.

Like a thunderstorm, the applause broke out as the stallions kept shaking themselves off, spitting up water and shaking their manes out of their eyes so they were able to see. Mister Cake just laughed as the stallions tried to find a way off stage, as they bumped and tripped over one another, and did their best to step around the still-shamelessly making out Royal Couple.

“Just remember mares, those stallions can yours in just a few short minutes. Go dry off boys, because it’s almost time for some lucky mare to take you home!”

Chapter 8: Bidding Wars Part 1

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Chapter 8: Bidding Wars Part 1

The air held a thick tension as the crowd simmered in anticipation. The moment they had all been waiting for would soon be upon them. All evening they had watched the mix of stallions show off everything they had, teasing the mares into the idea that any one of them could be theirs if they had the bits. With baited breath, they watched as the service crews mopped the stage from the earlier downfall.

Many had already made up their minds on who they were going to try to get their date with and were eyeing possible competition. Some were torn between stallions, after seeing many of the contestants strut their stuff. Others still were fighting mental battles on whether or not to cast a bid in fear of how that stallion might react. There was no hiding the excitement that hung upon the crowd as the time drew nearer.

As the last of the stage hands left the stage, the lights dimmed, causing a roar of cheers to erupt as Carrot Cake made his way back onto stage left. He stood there for a few seconds till the cheering died down enough for him to speak.

“Well, we have reached the most awaited part of the evening, ladies! I’m sure all of you are just dying to get the bidding started,” Carrot said, a surge of screams answering him. “Just remember, all proceeds of this auction will go to getting new playground equipment for the school, and help rebuild our town faster the next time something horrible happens.” At these words, the Elements of Harmony and the Cutie Mark Crusaders felt several sets of eyes fall upon them. “So without further ado, let’s bring the first stallion to the auction block: Braeburn Apple!”

The stage lights dimmed and the spotlights danced across stage before finally casting their brilliant light down on Braeburn Apple, who had taken center stage. He was back in his usual brown Stetson hat and vest, smirking devilishly out at the crowd.

“Calm yourselves, otherwise we will never get to the fun part,” Carrot laughed as the crowd cheered for the country stallion. From the top of his hat to the tip of his tail, Braeburn was a catch for any mare out there and he unfortunately knew it as he smiled out to the crowd and giving them a wink. “Oh, come off it, Braeburn, you had enough time to show off. Now due to Braeburn’s scores from talents to looks, I’m confident in starting his bidding at let’s say… five hundred bits! Do I hear five hundred?!”

“Five hundred!” A mare in the audience cried out, and as she did one of the spotlights fell upon her showing her as the current bidder.

“Five ten!” Another called out, the spotlight moving to her now.

“Five twenty!” The bids kept going up by increments of ten, each time the spotlight finding the new bidder and quickly moving towards the next higher bid. Braeburn watched in delight, as his eyes darted from mare to mare that desired to go on a date with him, making his already large ego swell.

“I simply knew Braeburn was going to catch a high price,” Rarity said, watching the bidding with a certain gleam in her eye.

“He ain’t ever gonna let this go,” Applejack sighed, watching Braeburn’s smirk grow wider and wider with each new bid. “He’s gonna bring this up everytime Ah see him at a reunion.” She shook her head slightly, before turning to Fluttershy who looked like a prairie dog that had just come out of his hole, scanning the area as she watched the bidding. “Are you gonna get in on this, or has it gotten too rich fer yer blo—”

“Sev- seven hundred bits!” Fluttershy stuttered out, but loud enough that she could be heard. All eyes fell upon her as the spotlight found her. Many were surprised to hear the timid pegasus raise her voice, but other were more surprised at her bid, for it was only at six hundred when she called out her bid. When Fluttershy felt the heat of the spotlight on her, along with the eyes of most of the crowd, and the stallion she was after her face went bright red.

“Seven hundred bits…” Carrot said slowly, as he eyed Fluttershy who seemed to be regretting her bid for the attention that was now on her. His eyes moved over to Mayor Mare who had come backstage to collect the bits as stallions were won, her mouth was agape at the amount of bits just placed. “Well that is a hefty bid, to say the least. Do I hear seven te—”

“Seven fifty,” called a slightly raspy voice off in the crowd. Heads turned trying to find the source of the new bidder, as the spotlight left Fluttershy in search as well. However, before the spotlight could go too far, Fluttershy’s voice broke out across the crowd again.

“Seven sixt—”

“Seven seventy,” the voice cut Fluttershy off, outbidding her once again. The spotlight had jerked back slightly to illuminate Fluttershy again, but resumed its search once she had been out-bidden. This did not deter the yellow pegasus as she called out another bid.

“Seven eight—”

“Seven ninety!”

“Eight hun—”

“Eight ten!”

“Eight twen—”

“Eight thirty!” Every time Fluttershy was ready to outbid this mysterious mare, she upped her again, making the poor ponies on the spotlight confused on where to go and the ponies in the crowd starting to get whiplash as they turned from one bidding mare to the other.

“Who the heck is that?!” Rainbow Dash shouted, as Fluttershy tried to place another bid but was outdone again. “They sound so familiar,” she mumbled, gaining some altitude in hopes of finding out who the mystery mare was.

“They seem pretty dead set on Braeburn. Maybe you should think about this carefully Fluttershy,” Twilight said, getting right next to Fluttershy, who was beginning to look frazzled over unable to get the upper hoof. “You don’t want to make a bid you can’t—”

“One thousand! One thousand bits!” Fluttershy shouted, jumping ahead of her opponent. Many on the audience members gasped at the number, while Braeburn’s eyes seemed to grow the size of saucers at the sheer number of bits Fluttershy thought he was worth. The spotlight fell back on her, as she stood there panting and bits of her mane sticking out like she had just ran a marathon.

“A thousand bits…” Carrot whispered, almost sure that Mayor Mare was about to have a heart attack as she held her hoof to her chest. “A thousand bits,” Carrot repeated as he tugged at his bowtie. “A thousands bits going once, going twice… sol—”

“Two thousand bits!” A thud could be heard off stage as Mayor Mare fainted. All heads snapped around, trying to find the source of the voice. The color immediately drained from Fluttershy’s face immediately as the new bid as everypony was in search of the voice.

“Who in tarnation has that kind of money ta throw around?!” Applejack yelled, looking around like all the others in search of the mare that was after her cousin.

“Spitfire!” Heads shot upwards to the familiar voice of Rainbow Dash, who was pointing into the crowd below her. “It’s Spitfire! The Captain of the Wonderbolts was in the crowd and I didn’t even know it!” The spotlight followed Rainbow’s hoof till it fell upon the fiery mane of the one and only Spitfire. She did not seem the least bit fazed, looking up at Braeburn on stage with her own devilish smirk that made the cowcolt’s cheeks pink slightly.

Ponies started to separate from one another, almost by instinct, allowing the two bidders to have an unbroken line of sight between one another. A still pale Fluttershy was staring with her mouth open at Spitfire, who was busy looking over Braeburn as if inspecting him for the Wonderbolts. Slowly, she turned in Fluttershy’s direction with a smirk still painted across her lips.

“I can do this all day, babe. Money is kinda no object to me,” Spitfire said calmly, gesturing towards a scrawny pegasus mare next to her wearing Wonderbolt Cadet uniform and a pair of bulging saddlebags. One could hear the audible clinking of bits as she shook, struggling to stand at attention while bearing the burden of what seemed to be an incalculable amount of money. Spitfire’s eyes were locked on Fluttershy, however, looking victorious already as if she knew Fluttershy’s answer. Fluttershy merely shook her head no, before hanging her head to hide any further expression with her mane.

“T- two thousand!” Carrot shouted, gaining the attention of the crowd. “Going once! Going twice… Sold!” The crowd began to cheer as Spitfire took to the air, smiling triumphantly and flying towards the stage. “You can give the bits to Mayor Mare… once she’s awake,” Cake said, noticing that Nurse Redheart had placed a cold cloth on the mayor’s forehead.

“No problem. Lackey!” Spitfire shouted.

Instantly, the poor young pegasus flew... well, more stumbled to the stage, huffing and puffing from the weight of the money she carried. “Y-Yes, ma’am?”

“Give the mare her bits. I wanna get to know my new colt-toy a bit better,” Spitfire said, walking across stage and running her tail against the side of Braeburn, causing the so called ‘play colt’ to turn a shade of red resembling his cousin’s coat. Braeburn, unable to do much else, followed her off stage as Carrot shook his head.

“This was supposed to be a family event,” the baker sighed as he turned back to the audience. “That was certainly an interesting start to the bidding. We’ll continue once the bits are counted!” Carrot announced, as he took the bag of bits off stage to count and help revive Mayor Mare.

While the crowd began to talk among themselves, Rainbow Dash landed next to Fluttershy, who was surrounded on all sides by her friends. Fluttershy had not lifted her face yet out from underneath her mane as she watched Spitfire lead Braeburn away.

“Oh, don’t worry darling, it's just a date,” Rarity said calmly, rubbing Fluttershy’s back. “Just one date. I’m sure if he truly likes you he will be coming right back to you.” She looked to Applejack, nodding her head to signal for some kind of comfort, but the honest farmer just shrugged. “Even so… there are still plenty of fish in the sea! A beautiful mare such as you can have any stallion she wants.”

“Oh Ah can testify ta that fact.” Fluttershy gave a sudden start as she, and the rest of her friends, looked up to see Braeburn standing near to them, with Spitfire by his side. Upon seeing the pair, Fluttershy ducked behind her mane, again unable to look at them directly.

“Con- congratulations,” she whispered, almost whimpering as she spoke. Braeburn’s face turned a shade red darker as he looked at the disheveled mare in front of him, unsure as what to do. Spitfire on the other hoof walked right up to Fluttershy and placed a hoof on her shoulder.

“Sorry hun, but when I saw this stallion walk across stage with a flank like this I couldn't help myself,” Spitfire said, flicking the tip of Braeburn’s nose with her tail. Braeburn’s reaction was visible as he visibly shook at the touch. “Too bad we can’t share him,” she laughed, turning away from Fluttershy and back to Braeburn.

“W-we could if y-you were into…” Fluttershy trailed off, her face positively red from the words she just uttered. Spitfire whipped right back around, as Braeburn’s and the other girls mouths hung open. Spitfire raised an eyebrow and approached Fluttershy again, a cool look in her eyes.

“Are you suggesting that we…”Spitfire’s face lit up as Fluttershy gave a barely visible nod. “Do you have a place nearby?” Spitfire asked, walking past Fluttershy and brushing up against her like a cat. Nodding once again, Fluttershy’s face turned so red that one could have sworn an egg could be cooked on it.

All the while everypony else watched in silent shock as Spitfire brushed up against Fluttershy, before trailing back around and flicking her nose like she had done with Braeburn. Giving one last lustful gaze at Fluttershy, Spitfire turned back to Braeburn with a grin that would bring the proudest of stallions to their knees. “You think you can handle two mares, cowcolt?” This snapped Braeburn out of his stupor, as he looked at the two yellow pegasi in front of him, in need of his special attention.

“Oh, Ah reckon Ah can,” Braeburn said, smiling, “But Ah don’t want to leave just yet.”

Spitfire rounded on Braeburn, her mouth slightly open with a eyebrow raised. “You have one of the hottest celebrities in Equestria and about the cutest mare I’ve seen this side of Prance all but demanding to do the kinds of things that Penthorse Forum could only dream of... and you want to wait?”

With a gulp, Braeburn straightened his posture, regaining his cocky demeanor.“It pains me ta make you two fillies wait a single second longer, but Ah got ta see how ma cousin Mac does.” Braeburn laughed, trying hard to keep the growing heat in his face under control. “Ah wouldn't forgive maself if Ah was not here ta see Ah earned more bits than him,” Spitfire stared at the stallion for a few extra seconds, before shrugging and sitting down.

“Fine, I guess it can’t be helped,” she sighed as she looked back towards the stage. “I am a bit curious myself to see how many bits Soarin manages to earn. Besides…” her tail shot up from the ground and wrapped itself around Fluttershy’s neck and pulling her close. “I can use this time to learn more about this interesting mare.” Fluttershy let out a small ‘eep’ as Spitfire looked her over with a sly grin.

As all these events transpired, the rest of Fluttershy’s friends watched in a mix of shock and amazement. “Did you know Spitfire was bi?” Twilight whispered to Dash.

“No… I mean yes… well… I’ve heard a lot of rumors, but I didn’t know for sure,” Rainbow stuttered out, watching Spitfire enjoying the befuddled Fluttershy. Before anyone could say another word, the booming voice of Mister Cake erupted over the crowd.

“Alright then mares, there are ten more stallions in the back ready to be fought over, but before we can get to them, please welcome to the stage Spike the Dragon!” The spotlight turned back on and shone brightly on the purple dragon as he walked across stage clad in an elegant black bowtie, waving one clawed hand as he walked.

“Now you might have gotten some high scores yourself Spike, but I’m sure the mares that want to take you home don’t have the bits they had did for Braeburn so let’s start off with let's say… ten bits!”

“Ten bits?!” Spike shouted at Mister Cake, who was trying to hide the smile on his face. “You started Braeburn off at five hundred and I’m ten?!” Spike stomped his foot in protest, causing a few mares to coo over how cute he was. “I am so worth more than ten bi—”

“Eleven bits!” a filly shouted from the audience, cutting Spike off.

“Twelve!”

“Thirteen!”

“Fourteen!”

“Fourteen point one!”

“You can’t do that!”

“Yes I can!”

“No you can’t!”

While the spotlight searched the crowd for the two yelling fillies, Spike shot a smirk at Mister Cake. “See?! I told you!”

“Alright, fine,” Mister Cake said. “Since it seems that our handsome dragon has gained quite the following, we will resume the bidding at fifty bits!”

“Fifty bits!” The spotlight operator finally found his mark, illuminating Sweetie Belle. Her cheeks were flushed, both by the sudden attention, and the cute drake she was determined to win a date with.

“Fifty five bits!” another filly called, as the spotlight soon found her as well. Unlike Sweetie Belle, Diamond Tiara wasn’t looking up at Spike, but at Sweetie herself.

“Sixty bits!” Sweetie shouted.

“How much does Sweetie Belle have?” Twilight asked, facing a smiling Rarity.

“Ever since she heard that Spiky-Wikey was going to be part of the auction she has been doing chore around the shop for any amount of bits.” Rarity grinned in that creepy way older siblings get when they see the younger doing something precious. “Why, I eventually had to give her bits just to stay in her room and not try to help. She has the best intentions in mind, but sometimes she gets, well shall we say, over excited,” Rarity said, a visible chill coming over her as she remembered Sweetie’s attempts at “helping.” She still wasn’t quite sure how one could set fire to a bucket of gemstones…

As the group laughed among themselves, the auction kept going on strong as Sweetie kept other bidders at bay, her eyes still locked on to Spike, who had beads of sweat running down his face. With the spotlight on her he could see the smile forming, as if she had already planned their date, and, knowing her, probably even their wedding.

“Uh… a hundred and twen—”

“A hundred and fifty!” Sweetie bellowed above the crowd once again.

“One hundred and fifty bits! Going once… going twice… sol—”

“One hundred and sixty!” The spotlight at once left Sweetie and flew across the crowd, once again landing on Diamond Tiara. Her namesake jewellry was sparkling in the the light of the spotlight as she looked up at Spike, her glare at the dragon that of a predator that had just found easy prey.

Sweetie Belle gasped as Apple Bloom and Scootaloo looked at each other in panic. Soon, all three of them were pulling out bits, frantically adding to see what they had between them. There hopes were in vain, however, as between them they only had a hundred and fifty five bits, a apple, and a few feathers. No other bids had been called as the light shined brightly on Diamond Tiara and her father, who was already putting the bits together.

“One hundred and sixty bits!” Carrot shouted, while Sweetie scanned the area, trying to find a few more bits to try to secure her date with Spike, but there was not a bit in sight. “Going once… going tw—”

“Two hundred bits for the young gentledrake,” said a cultured, poised voice. The spotlight quickly left Diamond Tera, much to the fillies distaste, and zoomed to near the back. As soon as the light found its target, a large toothy smile broke out across Spike’s face. His tail started to wag in joy—a habit acquired from his little jaunts through a certain mirror, one he was desperately trying to break—as Rarity threw her head back, clearing a few strands of her elegant purple mane away from her eyes, so she could wink at him.

“Daddy!” came a sudden screech from the audience, causing many ponies to shudder at the high pitched noise. Diamond Tiara glared up at her father, Filthy Rich. The stallion, like many others, was shaking his head, clearing away the effects of his daughter’s near hypersonic cry. “I want him, Daddy! I need more money!” She demanded, stomping her hooves into the ground.

“I am sorry, my little sapphire, but I told you I would only help you with one bid, and you made that bid,” Filthy Rich replied, shaking his head, trying to pop his ears from his daughter’s screams.

“But, Daddy!” Diamond whined, causing others around them to flinch again at her voice. “I want him! You are going to get him for me right—” Before Diamond Tiara could finish, Filthy Rich had leaned over and had picked her up by the scruff of her neck. Diamond let out a shriek as Filthy Rich started to carry his daughter away. “Daddy! What are you doing?! This is unfair! Daddy!” Diamond Tiara’s shrieks could be heard throughout the crowd till they slowly started to fade away in the distance.

Ponies just watched, all unsure of what to think or say to what had just transpired. Some shook their heads at the sight of such a spoiled child, some wanted to cheer at her father’s actions, while most were just glad the keening, wailing filly was gone. Spike cleared his throat, gaining the attention of Mister Cake. “I think there is a bid out there,” he said smiling at the white mare with the spotlight still shining brightly on her. Mister Cake raised an eyebrow for a moment, before his eyes went wide with recollection.

“Oh right! Two hundred bits! Do I hear two hundred and ten?” Mister Cake shouted out to the crowd, but no pony seemed ready to bid anymore or could not go higher. “Two hundred going once! Going twice! Sold! Come and claim your prize!” Cake shouted, and at once the crowd started to applaud for the little dragon who was jumping up and down in excitement.

“Ah got ta say Rarity, Ah don’t know if that was the sweetest thing ya ever done or the cruelest,” Applejack said, as Rarity began to put her bits together to pay for the little dragon. “Ah mean, we all know that little guy has a massive crush on ya, but yer little sister has one on him. How you gonna make it up to her?” Rarity just gave a slight laugh, holding a hoof in front of her face to muffle it.

“Oh darling, do not fret over it, I have a plan,” Rarity said as she made her way to the stage, however, she did not make it all the way as she stopped next to her little sister, who trying to hide her own tears. It was impossible to make out what she was saying, but Sweetie’s face morphed from extreme sadness to beaming with joy within seconds. Rarity sauntered up on stage with Sweetie bouncing behind her and gave the bag of bits to Mister Cake as Spike stood there, tail wagging and grinning up at Rarity.

“So what do you want to do on our date?” Spike asked excitedly, holding out his claw to take her hoof, acting out some part in a cheesy romance. Rarity just giggled as she leaned forward and gave Spike a light peck on the head.

“Oh Spikey-Wikey, you are just too cute!” She said, making the dragon's normal purple scapes turn red. “But I’m afraid I will not be the one you are taking on a date, for tomorrow is Sweetie’s birthday and…” Spike’s smile instantly fell, as his face seem to grow pale in realization of what was happening.

“You mean—”

“You’re my birthday gift from Rarity!” Sweetie shouted, as she bounded onto stage and tacked Spike into a bone-crushing hug. The dragon gave a yelp of terror as the young filly placed a kiss on his cheek, to which most of the audience just aww’ed over the display of young love, or at least one-sided young love.

“Nopony said you couldn't use this auction to get somepony the perfect gift,” Carrot joked, as the two mares left the stage, with a sulking Spike following right behind them. “Up next we have Equestria’s number one bachelor for the last two years, and PlayMare’s favorite subject: Soarin Nimbus!” The cheering from the crowd sounded like that of a charging army as Soarin waltzed onto the stage, now wearing his Class A uniform.

“Now Soarin, you have received more than perfect scores this entire auction, and I’m quite sure there are a few mares out there that are ready to pay any price to get a date with you,” Mister Cake said, making the Wonderbolt blush some. “So, how about we start the bidding at a thousand bits!”

“A thousand bits?!” Applejack shouted in surprise, as she dropped the sack of bits she had with her. “Ah knew he as gonna go fer a lot but right off the bat, but still…”

“A thousand bits! Do I hear a eleven hundred?” Carrot shouted, the spotlight falling on Applejack, making her turn red as Soarin smiled brightly and winked in her direction.

“Ah didn’t… Ah mean Ah would but… Ah….” Rainbow Dash burst into laughter as Applejack stumbled over her own words, as the spotlight and the stallion the block locked onto her.

“A thousand hundred!” A mare yelled out, and the spotlight soon started to search for her instead.

“Twelve hundred!” another called out, and soon after the spotlight was scanning the crowd as the bids got higher and higher. It seemed almost every pegasus in the crowd was going after Soarin, the fuel of some of their fantasies. Soarin stood there looking as proud as he could be, but his eyes kept looking to a certain mare.

The bids were now in the two thousands and many mares didn’t show any time at stopping soon. It seemed that many of the mares in the crowd had come for the chance of winning a date with such a celebrity, and would stop at nothing to obtain a date with him.

“Why aren’t you bidding, Applejack?” Twilight finally questioned, observing the farmer as she looked to each bid and back up as Soarin kept glancing in her direction. “You must want to win a date with him right?”

“Don’t try to deny it. We have all seen the way you look at one another,” Rarity added in, sitting next to a disgruntled Spike who had Sweetie Belle hugging him tightly. “Just throw caution to the wind and go for him. You can’t put a price on love,” Rarity sighed, her eyes fluttering at such a romantic gesture.

“Easy fer you ta say!” Applejack snapped, bringing Rarity back from her day dreaming, gaining the attention of several ponies around them at the sudden outburst, even causing Sweetie to let go of Spike for a second.

“Sure, Ah want ta bid on him, but Ah got ta think about the farm! Ah just can’t spend bits willy nilly, there’s other things Ah need ta worry about,” Applejack sighed, looking up at Soarin as the numbers just kept getting higher. If she was being honest with herself, she did want that date with Soarin like no other. He had made his intentions clear with that song. What would he think if she didn’t bid? But how could she justify such a spending of bits?

“Thirty five hundred! Do I hear thirty six?” Carrot Cake’s voice brought Applejack out of her thoughts as she looked up at the stage. Soarin was so handsome and official in his uniform, that it was hard to believe that he was such a goof outside of it. Could she bid? The last two months had been great in sales, and with cider season around the corner, there would be a surplus in bits. It’s not like they were in debt or anything or have any loans from the bank, she would just not be able to go out for some time to repay the farm.

“Thirty five hundred! Going once, going twice—”

“Thirty six hundred!” Applejack shouted, causing Soarin to turn towards her, smiling widely at hearing her voice as the spotlight shined down on her.

“Thirty seven!” Another voice cried out, and once again the war for the Wonderbolt resumed as bids were called out.

Soarin could not hide the smile on his face as he watched the bidding take place in front of him. He knew he was going to get a high price due to his celebrity status, but it seemed like these mares were out for blood, not that he minded much. he had always been treated like the second fiddle in the Wonderbolts, being more of that eye candy than an actual member. Sure, in many ways he was still eye candy, but at least now he was enjoying it.

“Forty!”

“Forty one!”

“Forty two!” Applejack was just about at the limit of what she could spend. If she had done the math right, she was going to have to give up on eating out for a few months and dip into her savings quite a bit, but as long as she stayed right inside her limit, the farm would stay in the green.

“Forty three!”

“Forty fou—”

“Fifty! Fifty thousand bits!” Applejack, and most of the crowd, looked in the direction of the bid. One did not have to look far, for the bidder had already taken to the air as to challenge any other mare for the stallion on the block. But she seemed unopposed as no voice shouted out to outbid her.

“Fifty thousand…” Carrot’s voice shuttered as he looked at the mare floating there. “Fifty thousand from Cloud Kicker. Do I hear fifty one?” Applejack lowered her hat over her eyes, unable to look up on stage. She wasn’t used to losing, especially at anything that mattered to her so much. It was almost unbearable to even look at either Soarin or Cloud Kicker after taking such a loss.

“Going once… going twice… sold for fifty thousand bits!” Carrot Cake shouted, sure that Mayor Mare’s heart had just stopped at the sheer amount of bits the town, or her re-election campaign had brought in. Either or, with just the third stallion being auctioned off it seemed that Ponyville’s debts were well on their way to being paid off.

Cloud Kicker landed on stage, her chest puffed out with her hips swaying as she approached Soarin. All the stallion could do was force a smile when she passed him, giving him a flick on the nose with her tail while she handed her check over to Carrot for her prize.

In the crowd, Applejack looked up at the scene with sad eyes. Soarin locked gazes with her and mouthed Sorry, babe as Cloud Kicker strutted back to face him.

“Well now,” Kicker mewed, walking back over to Soarin, rubbing herself against him like a cat, getting as close as possible to the Wonderbolt in front of the entire crowd. “When shall we go on our little date?” She traced her tongue slowly against her lips, giving him a wink as she did so.

Soarin cast another look down at the despondent Applejack. He rubbed his chin, then his eyes lit up and he looked back to Kicker. “How about right now?” Soarin suggested, as he took a step back and outstretched his hoof to her. Cloud Kicker could only stare at her prize, as he gave her that photo perfect smile and that devilish wink that haunted mares’ hottest dreams.

The pegasus could only let out a small squeak of excitement as she took Soarin’s hoof and the two took to the air, Soarin guiding her over the crowd. Others who had sought the stallion's company could only watch in pure jealousy as they watched Cloud Kicker live out their wildest fantasies.

All eyes were fixated on the pair as Soarin led her over to a small concession stand just on the outskirts of the crowd that had sought to see a profit over the large gathering of ponies. Soarin placed a few bits on the counter and pointed to the first item he saw on the menu, before he looked over at Cloud Kicker.

“So, what’s your name, beautiful?”

Cloud Kicker’s face instantly turned red out of pure excitement as her wings fluttered uncontrollably under Soarin’s gaze. “I’m Cloud Kicker.”

The pony manning the stand came back with their drinks. “Well hello, Cloud Kicker, I’m Soarin.”

“Heh, I know th—”

“So, where are you from?”

Cloud Kicker blinked. “Oh, uh, well, I’m originally from Cloudsdale, but now I l—”

“I’m from Cloudsdale, too,” Soarin cut her off, as the pony manning the stand came back with their chosen drinks. Soaring shoved a glass into Cloud Kicker’s hoof, then took a sip from his own. “What do you do for a living?”

“Uh...” Cloud Kicker’s eyes wandered from him to the glass he had unceremoniously shoved in her hoof. “I-I’m on the weather team right now, but I hope to—”

“I’m a Wonderbolt.” Soarin tipped his head back and drained his entire drink.

“Uh, yeah, I know—”

“Well, thank you for such a lovely time!” Soarin slammed his glass back onto the wooden bar and nodded to the pony working there before turning back to the utterly confused Kicker. “It was great to get to know you, and I thank you for offering so many bits to help the town.” With that, he leaned in, gave the mare a chaste peck on the cheek, then turned around and walked away.

“Wha… but we didn’t even…”

Leaving the flustered mare, Soarin marched right up to Applejack, who had been watching the scene with a mix of curiosity and jealousy. Before she could utter a single word, Soarin roughly grabbed her and twirled her around until she was dipped low, his arms supporting her.

“Hello, beautiful,” he whispered.

“Uh, what—” Whatever AJ had wanted to say melted into a passionate moan as Soarin locked lips with her. She quickly recovered herself and threw her arms around the stallion, pressing their bodies together, her beloved hat falling off her blonde head without her even noticing.

“But... I... you... we...” Cloud Kicker shooker head and stormed over to the lip-locked couple. “That’s not fair! I paid a good three-month’s wages for a date, and I—”

“Got exactly that, CK,” Rainbow Dash said, stepping in between the mare and the still lock-lipped couple. “The rules just said he had to go on a date with you. It says nothing about how long or what you do on it.” She craned her head to look at Mister Cake on stage. “Right?”

“Uh...” Mister Cake tugged at his tie. He looked to the Mayor for guidance, but she was still MIA from reality. “Well, I think that—”

“Phwee,” Soarin gasped, finally pulling back from his lover’s lips. “Don’t... don’t worry about it. Lackey!”

Once again, the cadet raced over to her superior, saddlebags still bouncing with each step, earning a quiet “oof” from the scrawny mare. “Yes, sir?”

“Give the mare her money back.”

Lackey gasped. “All... all of it?”

“Every last bit.”

The cadet squee’d. She struggled with her burden one final time, wiggling her narrow waist from the confines of the saddlebags. With a grunt, she hefted them in the air, and all but threw them at the still stunned Cloud Kicker. Kicker groaned as the heavy bags slammed into her chest, knocking the wind out of her lungs.

Applejack, along with every other pony who was watching, gasped. “Soarin, you... you just gave away fifty thousand bits!”

“Eh, I’ll make it back on our next tour,” he said nonchalantly. He bent down and scooped up her Stetson, placing it with care back on her head. “Besides, it’s just money. What good is that against the most beautiful mare in the world?” With that, he gave her a firm nuzzle, threw a wing around her, and guided her back to her previous spot in the crowd, reveling in the furious blush spreading on her face. The crowd cheered again, Applejack’s friends cooed, and Cloud Kicker grumbled, awkwardly walking away from the whole event with her bulging saddlebags in tow.

“Well,” Mister Cake said once the crowd had calmed down, “that was... uh, t-that was definitely a... thing that happened there, so let’s move on! Let’s start the bidding for one of the more surprising stallions of the evening, Bulk Biceps! Lets start the bidding at three hundred bits!”

The gathering of mares soon turned their attention back to the auction as the large pegasus walked out, and bids started to be called. But to the pair, this was nothing more than a minor inconvenience as their lips finally pulled apart.

“Mhmm… apple,” Soarin chuckled, as he licked his lips causing the orange mare to give a sheepish smile, while giggling like a filly. The small collection around them just watched, as Soarin took another step closer, his body mere inches away from her’s, while he kept his eyes locked solely on her.

“Ya know, you just cheated a mare out of a fifty thousand bit date,” Applejack’s voice was barely above a whisper as she gazed up at the Wonderbolt, his half smirk causing the freckles on her face to seemingly disappear under the intensity of her blush.

“Perhaps,” Soarin said, looking back over his shoulder at where Cloud Chaser stood, her mouth still agape, frozen in time like a statue. “But in the end, it didn’t matter who won a date with me,” Soarin leaned over, rubbing his muzzle slightly against Applejack’s neck. “No mare could make me feel the way that you do.”

Applejack just stood, there looking into his eyes as he pulled away and smiled at her. It was not that devilish smirk that he was so well known for, but a genuine smile, one reserved just for her, and her alone.

Before either could utter another word to one another, the crowd broke out into a cheer that snapped them back to reality. Looking up, they could see a familiar fuchsia pony walking across stage towards Bulk Biceps.

“Congratulations to Cheerilee for winning Bulk Biceps for the grand total of three thousand bits,” Cake announced as Cheerilee placed a bag of bits near him. “So what, if I may ask, drove you to bid on this fine stallion?”

“What can I say?” Cheerilee giggled behind her hoof, as her pink puffy tail wrapped halfway around the bodybuilder’s thick neck. “I’ve always had a thing for a stallion with a big, huge, throbbing...” she cleared her throat, “vocabulary.” Bulk’s white fur could not hide the reddening of his face as he was guided off stage by the school teacher. As a whoops and wolf whistles arouse from the crowd, Carrot Cake just shook his head, already knowing what fate had in store for Bulk.

“And this is the mare that is teaching our foals,” he mumbled to nopony in particular as he shook his head. “Not to worry, there are more single stallions backstage just waiting to go on a date with you of you lovely mares! One of which is a Prince! Come on out, Prince Blueblood!” As his name was called, Blueblood took long elegant strides onto stage, as to entice the mares with his looks once more.

His appearance was greeted by a chorus of cheers. While many had seen, or heard of the prince’s arrogance and rude behavior, there was no denying he would be a catch for any mare who wanted to see the lives of the upper crust; or to have some alone time with the handsome prince. These cheers only added to the flamboyant behavior of Blueblood as he took his place on stage to be sold.

“We will start the bidding at five hundred bits,” Blueblood whipped his head around to glare at Carrot, the flare of his nostrils, clear of bandages, showed his displeasure in such a low bidding point according to the prince. This did not last long, as the bids started to be called out in rapid succession.

Blueblood’s price quickly surpassed a thousand bits, and showed no signs of stopping. Some mares seemed to try to play the waiting game, but as time went on mares were left in the dust as the price went higher with each passing call to raise the bid. All the while, it was clear to anypony that was watching Blueblood instead of the bids that the prince was soaking it up; enjoying every second he was up on stage while mares threw away their hard earned bits to win a date with him.

“Nine thousand bits!” Carrot’s voice boomed, calling out the last bid he had heard radiating from the crowd. “Do I hear ten thousand bits?!”

“Like, ten thousand bits over here, man,” Fluttershy’s ears perked up at the voice of the new bidder, pulling her out of the haze Spitfire had caused. For the voice belonged to no other than one closest friends, and fellow lover of nature, Tree Hugger.

The spotlight had little trouble finding the light green mare in the sea of ponies. Her orange bandana seemed to glow when the light shone upon her, causing a few ponies to gasp in surprise from her appearance. None so more as Blueblood himself, as he not only gasped upon seeing her, but took a step back and raised a hoof to his chest.

Carrot pressed his lips together as eyed the mare. By all appearances she didn’t seem like the kind of pony that would have ten thousand bits to spend on personal hygiene, let alone a date with royalty. However, Carrot had learned a long time ago that looks could be very deceiving, especially in a place like Ponyville where the impossible happened daily.

“Ten thousand bits! Do I hear eleven thousand? Going once, going twice… sold to the mare in the orange bandana!” Carrot declared, causing Blueblood to give a start as Tree Hugger gave a hoof pump to her victory, as she made her way towards the stage to pay for her date.

“Wait, how in all of Equestria was Tree Hugger able to afford him?!” Rarity gasped at the sheer amount of bits the nature driven pony was able to put up.

“From what she told me, her brownie sales have been going very well,” Fluttershy meek voice drew the attention of those around her, causing her to shrink under the combined stares, her face brushing up against Spitfire’s waiting tail as she did. Once more her face turned bright red as she soon succumbed to the Wonderbolt’s power as Braeburn had.

Blueblood just remained motionless on stage, his mouth open, eyes wide, and a look of pure shock frozen upon his face. Not even as Tree Hugger passed him to pay for the prince did he move an inch.

“Looks like we get to chill, Blue,” Tree Hugger laughed, giving Blueblood a slap on the back, but in his current state Blueblood didn’t seem to be the least bit fazed by the sudden action. Tree Hugger cocked her head slightly at him, before smiling again. “This is exactly why I bid on you. Like, your aura is all out of sync with the world, man. One date with me and you will be seeing the beauty in everything.” Tree Hugger wrapped her foreleg around Blueblood in an attempt to get the stallion moving. But the prince did not budge, rooted to the ground in his state of shock. “Uh… like, can I get some help here?”

Chapter 8:Bidding Wars Part. 2

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Chapter 8: Bidding Wars Pt. 2

While Prince Blueblood was dragged from the stage, the crowd broke into conversation as to how much the next stallion would go for and who ponies were still waiting on. Yet others were enjoying the company of the bachelors they had won. Bulk Biceps and Cheerilee had already disappeared, the muscle-bound stallion whispering into the mare’s ear about Langston Hooves.

Then there was the case of Spike, still trapped in the grip of Sweetie Belle as she rubbed her face against his. A look of pure agitation was painted across the poor dragon’s face; the constant giggling or outright laughing of Apple Bloom and Scootaloo didn’t help the situation at all. Even Twilight could not hide her own giggles at the torture he was going through.

While many ponies around them also found this display of foalhood romance adorable, others were backing away from another blooming relationship, for a nearby pair of ponies were completely in the control of Spitfire. The Captain of the Wonderbolts was sitting in the middle of Braeburn and Fluttershy with a grin that would make the Devil himself bend to her will. Her tail moved from pony to pony, lightly tracing them, their faces staying a constant shade of red as she did so. As far as Spitfire was concerned, she was coming out the biggest winner of the auction so far, since she was going home with a toned country stallion and a cute little pegasus mare.

As lust grew in the eyes of one pegasus, another pegasus was completely lost in a set of green eyes that reflected his own. The pair seemed in a state of blissful ignorance to the world around them, as their eyes stayed locked within one another. A slight blush covered the orange mare’s face as the blue stallion smirked ever so devilishly at her, one wing wrapped around her, keeping her close to him. Nothing, not even the end of the world, seemed able to break the stare between them.

This did not stop the world from trying, however, as the booming voice of Carrot Cake echoed across the crowd once more.

“So many twists and turns this evening! I’m not sure if I can take much more, myself!” Carrot laughed, wiping away a bit of sweat that had gathered on his brow. “But we are just reaching the halfway point in our stallions, tonight! Please put your hooves, and bits, together for Ponyville’s very own Thunderlane!” At the calling of his name, the dark grey pegasus glided onto the stage for the final time that night, as cheers welcomed him back. His hoof was still wrapped in bandages, but the rest of him looked as perfect as could be, and his gold eyes seemed to shimmer in the spotlight.

“Since you are a very highly scored stallion as well, why not start your bidding at… three thousand bits?” Thunderlane’s head whipped around at the staggering amount. Unlike Blueblood before him, he thought the price might have been too high. The stallion’s fears were soon put to rest as the first bid was called out.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie will give three thousand for that stallion!” Somehow, Trixie’s voice boomed over the crowd with much more intensity and volume than Carrot’s ever had, even with the microphone.

“Three thousand five hundred!” came another voice, further back in the crowd, making the blue mare growl.

“Three thousand seven hundred!” And once again the bidding was off, as mares fought one another for the stallion on stage. Thunderlane’s eyes darted from one mare to the other as they kept raising the bid on him. With his mouth slightly ajar, he took an involuntary step backwards, as though the increasing amount was more harmful to him than good. No matter the case, the bids were coming in faster and faster with each passing second, as the ponies in control of the spotlight struggled to keep up with them.

“Five thousand six hundred!”

“Five thousand seven hundred!”

“Eight hundred!”

“Nine hundred!”

“Six thousand!”

“Looks like punching a prince really drove up the price,” Rainbow Dash laughed, watching the spectacle of mares throwing their life savings on the line for a date with the stallion.

“Trixie will pay seven thousand eight hundred for the stallion!” Fireworks shot into the sky as Trixie shouted, effectively silencing the audience with the display and loud series of booms. The spectacle left many speechless, while for others the price did.

“Seven thousand eight hundred!” Carrot repeated, as the spotlights fell upon the Great and Powerful Trixie, who was striking a pose long before the lights fell upon her. “Do I hear seven hundred nine hundred?”

“Eight thousand bits for the stallion,” the lights turned from Trixie to land on the marble like fur of Rarity, the light appearing to reflect off her. Anypony close enough to Trixie could see a blood vessel in her head beginning to bulge as the fashionista came from behind, once again, to steal a bachelor.

“Eight thousand bits,” Carrot repeated, giving the crowd a sweeping glance to see if there was to be another bid. “Going once, going twice, and… sold! Rarity, please come up and claim your second prize of the night!”

A thin smile could be seen upon Rarity’s lips as she moved through the crowd, fully aware of the burning hatred in the eyes of another unicorn. With the spotlight on her, she might have taken a little longer than necessary to reach the stage, strutting and swaying her hips, but who could blame her? She lived for the spotlight.

As she approached, Thunderlane’s golden eyes followed her, his mouth slightly open at the amount she had put up for him. Swallowing a lump as she stepped up onto the stage, he seemed unable to come to terms with how many mares had actually bid for him.

“You really think I’m worth eight thousand bits?” Thunderlane asked, his voice cracking as he looked into those bright blue eyes. Rarity smiled as she gave the bits to Carrot Cake and made her way back to him. She simply whipped her head around, letting a bit of her purple mane fall behind her shoulder before looking back at the stricken Thunderlane.

“Well, that is all going to depend on our date, isn’t it?” she said, her eyes half lidded as she spoke to the stallion, causing his wings to flutter ever so slightly. “Besides, you saved my life. I don’t think I will ever have enough bits to repay you for that,” she added, before giving him a light peck on the cheek. “Now, I suggest we sit down; I would not want to miss any of those delicious Royal Guards.” Rarity laughed behind her hoof, causing the stallion’s face to darken ever so slightly.

“Well, another happy couple formed,” Mister Cake said, once the cheers died down. “Hopefully we can keep the momentum going! So, please welcome back to the stage, Staff Sergeant Tweak!”

Tweak marched on stage, once more tacked in his full dress uniform. He gave a smile and a nod to the cheering audience, then assumed his place at the center of the stage.

"Okay, ladies," Mister Cake started, "why don't we begin the bidding at—"

A lavender blur shot into the sky. "One thousand bits, and any mare who tries to outbid me gets bucked in the face!" Cloudchaser sent a death glare into the sea of ponies. A deathly silence smothered the crowd.

Cake looked around the crowd, seeing if there was one pony who would incite the wrath of the pegasus; but not one pony dared to raise the bid or even look at Carrot Cake, acting more like a group of students afraid to make eye contact with the teacher in fear of being called upon.

"... Sold."

Tweak shuddered and looked to the mare. "Oh, what a filly..."

Cloudchaser rocketed on stage and scooped the sergeant into her arms whilst she dropped the bits to claim him. “Come on, lovercolt. My privates have been bad and need a good tongue lashing."

"Dirty little filly," he whispered and nipped at her ear. "I have a weapon that needs cleaning..."

The two ponies kept staring at one another, their faces slowly getting closer till the sound of Carrot clearing his throat broke the two apart.

“Thank you both, but if you could please leave the stage… I doubt that Ponyville needs another reason for therapy,” Carrot said, covering his own eyes at the very thought of what could have transpired in the next few minutes. Luckily, the pair didn’t seem to have any intention of continuing what they had started on stage earlier, but instead wrapped their tails around one another before leaving the stage.

As the crowd watched the pair move along, Carrot Cake just gave a sigh of relief as a pony came on stage to collect the bits and count them. While the crowd was distracted, Carrot looked down at his note card for the next stallion. He could feel the blood leave his face as he saw the next stallion up on the block was Flash Sentry.

It was obvious that Flash was going to be one of the top stallions of the night, but Carrot was not sure if the town would survive to see it. Glancing out at the crowd, his eyes fell upon Twilight Sparkle, before moving over to Shining Armor. He was certain if Shining were to ever gain a title of his own, it would be ‘Prince of Overprotective Brothers’.

A shudder of terror for Flash went down Carrot’s spine at the very thought. Being thrown in the pits of Tartarus and tortured for the rest of time would be more pleasant than being on the wrong side of Shining Armor. Especially with matters that concerned his younger sister. Swallowing a lump in his throat, Carrot Cake looked out over the crowd again, forcing a smile onto his face.

“This next contestant won’t be as easily won as our last stallion. Get your bits ready for the next Royal Guard in our auction, Flash Sentry!” The orange stallion trotted gleefully onto the stage to the wild cheers of the crowd. His eyes looking out into the throng, searching for that one mare he held high hopes in winning him.

“Hmm… well Flash, it’s going to be quite difficult to place a bid on you.” Carrot pulled a notecard from the inner pocket of his suit jacket. “While your scores are all over the place, they are generally quite good. So, how about for a starting bid, we begin at two thousand bits?”

“Two thousand!” Heads turned as a booming voice over swept the audience. Soon, all eyes fell upon a small group of mares who were leaning away from the source of the shouting. Wings fully extended, eyes wide and locked on to the stallion on stage was none other than the newest princess of Equestria, Princess Twilight Sparkle.

Carrot Cake only gave a deep sigh as he looked at Twilight Sparkle, and felt a pang of guilt for the young guard. Living long enough in Ponyville, he could easily recognize the look that many of the residents of Ponyville had grown to fear: The look of a Twilight Sparkle who wanted something and would not take no for an answer. “Two thousand! Do I hear—”

“Two thousand one hundred!”

“Two hundred!”

“Three hundred!”

And like that, the bidding wars began anew, as many of the mares of Ponyville competed with one another for the orange stallion. Flash stood motionless on stage, except for his eyes, which darted from one bidder to the next as the amount of bits kept growing. His eyes kept coming back to Twilight, however, as she kept calling out an higher bid than those around her.

“My, Twilight, what has gotten into you?” Rarity asked, holding a hoof to her chest as every few moments Twilight called out a higher bid than those around them. A few strands of Twilight’s mane were sticking out of place, as that distinctive twitch in her eye began to act up.

“Well Rarity—Three thousand six hundred!—I have decided that if you, Applejack, and Flut—Three thousand eight hundred!—Fluttershy could bid on stallions without fear, then I should too. Besides, if I am being honest with myself, I do kind of… four thousand!”

Twilight kept on placing bids, even with her friends trying to talk to her. There was no way she was going to lose this battle. She had always been a bit pincher, even in her youth, saving up money for something she truly needed, not what she wanted. She was even given a large sum from Celestia when she first moved to Ponyville in case of emergencies, an amount that she was finally going to use.

As Twilight placed bid after bid, her eyes scanned around the crowd analyzing all factors that could hinder her in obtaining the stallion she sought. One of these factors were mares that had come far and wide for the auction. She would have never imagined that the likes of Spitfire would be in the crowd, and upon closer inspection she found others like her that could pose a challenge.

The likes of Miss Peachbottom, Applejack’s Aunt Orange, and a few mares from Canterlot were in attendance that night and all seemed to fancy the young pegasus on stage. Each one of them had come prepared to bid on a stallion that night, and Twilight could only shudder at what they had in mind for Flash.

Also, Twilight would admit to herself that she had miscalculated the amount of bits required to win certain stallions that night. She had not considered that some of these stallions would show off talents that nopony would have imagined and thus attract new bidders.

Taking all this new data into factor, and applying it to the formula on the auction, her chances of winning were still well within her earlier estimates. She just had to stay ahead of the game, and hope that Cadance would keep her brother busy for the foreseeable future.

“Nine thousand!” a larger mare from Canterlot called out, raising her handkerchief into the air. She applied much more makeup that one would have needed, and when she fluttered her eyes at Flash one could visibly see him shudder.

“I’ll simply raise it to ten thousand for that strapping lad!” Aunt Orange called out, the spotlight falling on her as she called her own bid. The look she gave Flash was that of a predator about to pounce on their prey.

“Eleven thousand!” another mare from Canterlot called out.

“Twelve!”

“Thirteen!”

“Fourteen!”

Bids were called out still in quick succession, as the bidding came down to only a few select mares that had enough bits to be able to keep bidding. Each bid a small fortune for their desired stallion, and every time a new bid was called out another mare lost her chance at winning a date with Flash Sentry.

“I have eighteen thousand bits!” Carrot Cake shouted out, looking over the crowd as the spotlight shone down on Aunt Orange. “Do I hear nineteen thousand?”

“Nineteen thousand!” Miss Peachbottom shouted out, earning a grunt of disatisfaction from Aunt Orange who had hit her limit.

“Do I hear twenty thousand?” Carrot asked, his eyes scanning over the crowed. “Twenty thousand bits for Flash Sentry?”

“Twenty thousand!” Twilight Sparkle shouted out, giving a slight jump as she gave her bid. After observing both Aunt Orange and Peachbottom for their bidding, she could tell that they were not willing to go any further. She would have to thank her mother for that book about how to read faces when this was all over.

“Twenty thousand bits!” Carrot shouted, breaking the silence. “Do I hear twenty-one thousand?” Carrot looked over the crowd, trying to see if any other bids were to come out. “Then going on—”

“Twenty-five thousand!” a voice broke out above the crowd, but it was not the voice of a mare; it was far deeper than most mares. A look of pure horror washed over Twilight’s face as she turned to the Royal Box, only to see her worst fears were being realized.

Standing there, glowering at the stallion on stage—who instantly went from joy to plunging through the same horror as Twilight—was Shining Armor. While he looked a bit disheveled, with his mane ruffled, he was still an imposing figure to be reckoned with.

“And let me remind everypony here,” Shining said, interrupting his little sister before she could raise her bid. “I have a full treasury at my disposal. So I hope nopony thinks they can outbid me.” He turned his head down to his sister. “Ever.”

Nopony dared to make a sound as the two siblings glared at one another. The air surrounding the two almost seemed to spark with the magical power both of them possessed. As the pair kept their gaze locked at one another, Flash Sentry could only shake in utter fear of what was to become of him, for at that moment he was not sure if he would survive in a battle between the two.

“Well, then…” All eyes glanced up on stage at a profusely sweating Carrot Cake, who seemed to shrink under the gaze of all the ponies in the audience for the first time that evening. “Twenty-five thousand going once… going twice…” Swallowing hard, Carrot Cake looked over at the completely horrified Flash Sentry, who, like Carrot Cake, seemed to be creating a waterfall with his own sweat. “Sol—”

“Twenty-six thousand!” The voice blasted through the silence like an explosion, causing many members of the audience to jump. Finding the source of the voice was no problem, for it stood right next to Shining Armor and held him in a look of pure contempt.

Princess Cadance looked just as disheveled as her husband, her mane sticking out in random places and her crown a bit off center. But beyond all that, she still looked like the Princess of Love, and she was cross.

“And let me remind a certain stallion whose treasury it is,” Cadance said in a low hiss at her husband. “And unless he wants to sleep on the coach for the foreseeable future, he will keep his lovable trap shut.” Shining tried to glare back at Cadance, as if to defy her. But the poor stallion couldn't hold out for a fraction of a second against his wife, and soon he was hunched over, looking away from her like a dog that had just been hit with a newspaper. Smiling in satisfaction at her husband, Cadance turned back to Carrot Cake on stage. “I think there is a countdown you should be doing.”

“Uh… yes! Yes, there is!” Carrot Cake said, getting knocked out of his astonishment. “Twenty-six thousand bits! Going once… going twice… sold!” Carrot Cake shouted, earning a scattered cheer from an audience who seemed unsure of what to think of the whole ordeal. Out of every stallion that was to be bid on that night, this had to be far the oddest.

“Twilight,” Cadance said, looking down at the purple alicorn, who seemed just as shocked as the rest of the crowd. “Be a dear and collect him for me, and keep him company,” Cadance asked as she looked over the hunched and fuming Shining Armor. “I think that will be the best place for him, don’t you?”

“Of course!” Twilight said, her face positively beaming with excitement as Cadance started to write out the check. No sooner had she finished, than Twilight took it from her and zoomed up on stage to give it to Carrot Cake and claim Flash Sentry. Said stallion was breathing much easier now, fanning himself with his wings. Sweat still rolled down his brow from all the excitement and fear of what Shining Armor was going to do with him. Sure, there was a hell to be paid later, but this was the now.

Twilight Sparkle landed a few inches from Carrot and handed him the piece of paper to pay, before turning to face Flash. At once, her face started to heat up upon realizing how close they were and what had just transpired. She bit her bottom lip slightly as Flash just smiled at her, dragging his hoof in a small circle on the wooden stage. When their eyes met, both looked away at once, their faces turning a deeper shade of red.

“Oh, just buck already!” The pair drew apart from another, unaware of how the space between them had slowly disappeared. Their heads snapped around to see Rainbow Dash hovering in the air, her face scrunched up in anger. “Some of us are still waiting to bid! So either get off on stage, or get off the stage!”

Both Twilight’s and Flash’s faces deepened through crimson and into burgundy, as they started to move off stage. Wolf whistles and catcalls were made at the pair as they descended the steps, allowing Carrot Cake to once again take control.

“Well, let's move on to our final member of the Royal Guard tonight, or at least a former one. Give it up for Shock n’ Awe!” Carrot Cake announced, trying to power through the awkwardness dripping off the stage. Without skipping a beat, the dark blue stallion came running into view. Fresh bandages were wrapped around his head, and he did a small jump to land right in the middle of the stage.

“Sorry to say, Shock, but your scores were not the best in show,” Carrot started, earning a grunt from the stallion and a few laughs from the audience. “But, you are still a former member of the Guard, so let’s start the bidding off at seven hundred bits! Do I hear—”

“Seven hundred!” The bid broke through the audience far louder than anything the microphone Carrot Cake was holding could ever hope to accomplish. All heads turned to the sudden voice, and immediately shock and horror swept through the crowd.

Floating there, high above and with her personal guard around her, was Princess Luna herself. “And I shall remind all present, that I have a treasury at my disposal, as well.” Luna’s voice seemed to echo off every surface in the immediate area. Ponies started to bow to her at once, or were in such a state of confusion that all they could do was stare up at her, as she and her guard got ever closer to the stage.

“S-Seven hun-hundred from Prin-Princess Luna,” Carrot Cake stuttered out, as he started to bow to the princess of the night before him. “I doubt there will be any more bids so… sol—”

“Seven hundred and one!” Shock n’ Awe shouted. At that instant, ponies started coming out of their bows to the Princess, or shock, to see how the stallion on stage was reacting. His eyes were completely dilated, sweat cascading off his body, as he started to back away from the imposing figure, teeth clattering as he did so.

“You can’t bid on yourself Shock, so the winner is…”

“Bull! I can do that! I have every right to do so! Come on! Please! Anypony! Anypony at all, bid on me! I will do anything you want! Anything at all! I will be your slave for the rest of my life! Just don’t let her take me!” Shock n’ Awe pleaded, his voice high pitched, and cracking at odd intervals as he talked. The brave, strong stallion that he had painted himself as through the entire auction seemed to melt away at once as he looked up at the Princess of the Night.

But nopony spoke up; each and everyone of them knew better than to get in the way of Luna and something, or somepony, she wanted. With no other bids to be called, and an ever-closing Luna, Cake cleared his throat, much to Shock’s fear.

“Seven hundred going once… twice… sold!” At these words the Night Guard descended upon the stage and began to enclose upon Shock n’ Awe.

“Former Private Shock n’ Awe, you are coming with us,” one of the ponies said as they drew closer. “There is no need for—”

Before the guard could finish, Shock had already leapt forward and slammed his head into the muzzle of the guard. Immediately, a gasp could be heard as two of the other guard members lunged foward to take the stallion.

“No way in Tartarus! I am Shock n’ bucking Awe! I will never be conquered!” he shouted, as he bucked his back legs back, hitting the next guard in the chest with a powerful strike. Shock was then able to sidestep the other, and get in a decent blow with his right hoof. “No pony will ever take down Shock n’ Aw—” Before he could finish, a silver streak blasted him in the chest, sending him flying back through the curtain of the stage, the sound of wood cracking and splintering from where he crashed.

“Consider yourself conquered,” Luna said, the tip of her horn barely glowing as she levitated a barely conscious and suddenly bound Shock n’ Awe from the wreckage. “Pay the good stallion his bits. Then add to cover whatever damages might have occurred,” Luna ordered, as she began to fly off with her stallion, who fought furiously within a magical bubble.

Chapter 8: Bidding Wars Part 3

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Chapter 8: Bidding Wars Part 3

Silence laid over the crowd like a blanket as ponies watched Princess Luna fly off into the dark sky with her “prize” in tow. One of the Lunar Guards, the one Shock had headbutted, presented Mister Cake with a check for the agreed upon amount of bits.

Mister Cake slowly took the check from him, trying not to stare at the handkerchief hanging out of the guard’s nose. As the Royal Guard flew off, catching up with Princess Luna, Mister Cake brought the microphone close to his lips and cleared his throat.

“Well… uh… how about a round of applause to Princess Luna and her stallion!” Mister Cake said in a feeble attempt to bring the crowd out of their stupor. Only a few ponies clapped. Cake took in a deep breath and tried his best to keep moving forward with the auction. “Let’s welcome our next stallion to be whisked away by some lucky mare, Caramel!” Carrot shouted, extending his hoof toward stage right.

As the stage lights started to move across the stage, the crowd came to their senses, and started to applaud the next stallion to be auctioned off. A few mares whistled in excitement as the light shined down brightly on the stage waiting for the stallion to appear. Though no stallion ever appeared and after a moment the cheer and applauding started to die down ever so slowly till the last few claps died out.

Carrot Cake strained his eyes to look at the side of the stage stallions were supposed to enter from, but he saw nothing there. Keeping his smile, he called out again. “Caramel, there are lots of lovely mares ready to bid on you! So come on out!” The applause picked up again slightly, but once more no stallion walked on stage and it slowly faded away.

Cake’s eyes darted back and forth between the crowd and to the entrance. Finally, he snapped his head at the entrance. “Caramel!” he barked, causing more than a few mares, and some stallions, to jump. They had never heard the baker raise his voice.

From off stage a high-pitched yelp of surprise sounded out, before the sound of hooves scraping against the floor echoed out. In the silence the sounds of a muffled conversation could be head till a pair of red hooves firmly shoved Caramel on stage.

He staggered like a drunk being thrown out of a bar. Whipping around, he looked as though he was ready to run off stage, but he stopped before he had the chance to run as if something was blocking his path off stage. He looked around in a panic till his eyes settled on the crowd, his knees visibly shaking as he stood there. He swallowed a lump in his throat with an audible gulp, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. He glanced at Carrot, who was glaring at him as he tapped his hoof on the ground impatiently.

“You ready?” Carrot asked, a hint of annoyance in his voice. Caramel nodded his head in a jerky movement, his face set in a look of panic. Carrot shook his head at the stallion, before turning back to the crowd.

In the second that it took for Carrot Cake to turn to the crowd, his face had shifted from a look of annoyance to one of pure glee. The other expressions faded so fast it was as if they were never there. “Let's start the bidding of this fine stallion at four hundred bits! Do I hear four hundred?”

“Four hundred!” A mare called out, the spotlight making its way through the crowd to her.

“Four fifty!” Another called before the spotlight could land on the first. Soon the bids were flooding in with each mare desperate to win the date without breaking the bank.

As the bids came in, the look of total shock on Caramel’s face became more apparent as the lines in his face grew. He had never seen himself as a stallion that mares would want, more of a friend zone type of guy. Yet here he was, a stallion that mares wanted to go on a date with, and for a moment he felt like Big Mac.

The new surge of pride didn't just remain in his head, it spread through as he stood up straight and pushed his shoulders back. The confidence didn't go unnoticed by the big red stallion off stage who smiled at his friend, happy to see him looking ready to take on the world for once and not looking like a whipped puppy.

“One thousand three hundred! Do I hear four hundred? One thousand four hundred bits!” Carrot asked, looking over the crowd of bidding mares for the next bid.

“Right here!” A mare called out, reaching into the air with her hoof. “One thousand four hundred bits!” At the sound of the mare’s voice Caramel’s heart stopped. His eyes quickly darted across the crowd till they landed on a bright blue pegasus with a yellow mane, Sassaflash.

He had always had a, and still did, a crush on the pegasus. He had worked up the nerve to ask her out once on Heart’s and Hooves day a year or so ago. He didn’t think anything had come out of that date, but apparently it did.

“One thousand four hundred! Do I hear—”

“One thousand five hundred!” Came a overly energetic voice, one all of Ponyville knew too well. Pinkie Pie pronked and ponked in place as she looked up at Caramel, a huge smile plastered across her face, her bright blue eyes shimmering with excitement.

Caramel couldn't help but be surprised at the action. Pinkie had been a bit more of an acquaintance than anything else. Yet here she was, putting a large sum of bits on him.

“Uh… one thousand five hundred from Pinkie Pie… do I hear si—”

“Six hundred!” Sassaflash challenged, flapping her wings and hovering in the air.

“Six hundred from—”

“Eight hundred!” Pinkie cheered happily, not seeming to mind in the slightest about the amount of bits. She just continued to bounce in place, eyes closed and smiling widely.

Sassaflash glared over at Pinkie, biting her lower lip before looking down at her purse. After several seconds of looking through, she sighed and shrugged.

Carrot watched her for another moment before taking his mic up again. “One thousand eight hundred! Do I hear nine hundred? Going once… going twice… sol—”

“Two thousand!” Pinkie shouted out, causing many to look back at her in complete and utter confusion. Carrot’s mouth hung open as he stared at his niece.

“Pinkie… you have the winning bid. You don't need to bid any more,” Carrot said, trying to understand the compulsion that drove Pinkie to outbid herself.

“I know silly-willy! I just think he's worth two thousand!” Pinkie said in such a way, that one would have thought it was common sense. Carrot started to open his mouth again before shutting it, not wanting to argue the point.

“Alright then… two thousand bits! Going once… going twice… sold!” A scattered round of applause came up from the crowd as Pinkie bounced happily to claim her prize.

On the way however, she stopped by Sassaflash, and in the time it took to blink she had wrapped the pegasus in a bone crushing hug. The pegasus gave out a squeak of surprise as the air was forced from her lungs.

“I'm sorry Sassy!” Pinkie shouted, rubbing her cheek against the other's. “But I really wanted him! I hope we can stay friends! I would hate to lose a friend over this!” Sassaflash struggled for breath as Pinkie held her.

“It’s… it's okay… Pinkie,” the pegasus was able to choke out. As soon as the words left her lips, Pinkie let out a squeal of pure delight and squeezed her even tighter, audible pops coming from the poor mare’s spine.

“Goodie!” Pinkie exclaimed, dropping Sassaflash, who took in several deep breaths of air. “Besides!” Pinkie continued in a cheery voice. “I called dibs at the start!” And without another word Pinkie resumed bouncing towards the stage.

Caramel stood on stage in a shocked silence, not knowing what he was to do now. He turned to Carrot Cake, but he was already looking at the list with stallions on it. He then turned back to watch Pinkie arrive, but before he could, a pair of lips slammed against his cheek.

Caramel’s face went completely red at the contact. Pinkie pulled away an and began to bounce around him in a circle, chanting “I got him! I got him!”

Caramel watched her, his eyes bouncing up and down with her movements. He put on his best smile for her and began to speak. “Thank you for bidding on me Pinkie. I’ll make sure our date is a great—urk!”

Caramel was jerked involuntarily to the side as something around his neck pulled on him. Sometime between Pinkie kissing him on the cheek and bouncing around him she had placed a bright red collar around his neck, like the kind one puts on a dog, that was connected to an equally red leash that was now in Pinkie’s mouth.

“I goff himf! I goff himf!” She managed to chant, her voice muffled by the leash. Before Caramel could form a question to ask why, Pinkie tugged on the leash and bounced off stage, stallion in tow.

Carrot Cake watched the strange spectacle, along with the rest of Ponyville as Pinkie bounced off with Caramel in tow, turning blue in the cheeks. Carrot took in several deep breaths, giving his head a shake while he closed his eyes.

“Don’t question it. Just accept it and move on,” Cake mumbled to himself, rubbing a hoof against his temple, repeating the phrase over and over.

One would think he would have had a way to deal with the amount of oddness that followed Pinkie Pie. Even after living with her for many years, Carrot had yet to find a method that worked.

Taking in several deep breaths, Carrot Cake looked back up at the crowd with a wide smile. “Two more stallions to go this evening! So let's waste no time in bringing Time Turner on stage!” The crowd broke into cheers while the brown stallion walked out, or at least most of the crowd did.

Further to the back a group of mares, with four of the bachelors of the auction and a fifth being dragged over, waited for the last stallion of the night. Rainbow didn't have to turn around to feel the stares of her friends burying into the back of her head, the same question on their mind.

Would she bid on Big Mac?

Each event he had been in only made the question that much more difficult. He had been a stuttering mess when he first stepped on stage, to the point it was hard to watch; however, he had managed to rally himself and stood there looking ready to compete with the best of them. That act of turning himself around, and building up his own confidence, had risen the confidence within Rainbow that he was the stallion for her, one that could take on the world with her.

That confidence didn't last long as the talent section came up, and stage fright gripped him once more. Sure, he had looked impressive on stage, lifting that log with such ease as though anypony should have been able to do it. The look of pure terror in his eyes, however, had been off-putting to say the least. She wanted a stallion that could stare down monsters with a grin, that laughed in the face of danger.

Finally there was the swimsuit contest. What was Mac thinking when he came out with floaties? Now, while some mares might have found it cute to see him wearing such items on his large frame, she was of course immune to such things and didn’t let out a filly like squeal when she saw him up on stage with those on. She definitely didn’t feel her face turn extremely hot when she saw him drenched in the sudden downpour of water as he swung his head from side to side, his fur clinging to his frame showing off those large impressive muscles. Still, it was hard to get over how weak he looked, despite his physical ability, as he stood there on stage looking ready to die from sheer embarrassment.

Yet, despite all his shortcomings, the cringing failures, she was still drawn to him. Something about Big Mac just enthralled her, wanting her to know more about him. She had never felt this way about anypony before. It was more than simple lust or want she had felt for in other stallions, there was something beyond that, a feeling she couldn't even name. She wanted to know what that feeling was, and why Mac caused it in her.

While she processed everything she had witnessed that night and wondered what had drawn her to the big red stallion, Rainbow Dash had failed to notice a mare approaching her from behind, until she had sat down right next to her.

Rainbow looked up, and right into the bright green eyes of Applejack. One side of her lips was curled up in a small smirk, a smirk that Rainbow had seen many times in the past, a smirk of challenge. The two locked eyes for the briefest of seconds, daring the other to make the first move. Dash looked away first, distracting herself by scanning the crowd of excited ponies, some discussing upcoming stallions, others gossiping over the events that had happened.

“So,” Applejack drawled, her gaze never leaving Rainbow. “Big Mac’s coming up. Still thinkin’ on bidding on him?” The challenge in her voice was evident; even if there was no inflection in it, Rainbow could feel it.

“You know what, Applejack? I am going to bid on him, and I’m going to win him!” A fire was burning in Rainbow’s eyes as she spoke, letting her words sink in. “And we are going to go on a date, eat some fancy food, and at the end of it I am going to kiss him so hard that Granny Smith is going to feel it!”

A collective shudder ran through the mares, and the few stallions, gathered around as Rainbow’s cheeks turned slightly red.

“Uh… okay… maybe not that hard, but you catch my drift,” Rainbow mumbled, crossing her forelegs together, her magenta eyes constantly darting, not wanting to look at anypony in particular.

“Right…” Applejack muttered, pulling her hat over face to hide her deepening red cheeks. Rainbow’s outburst seemed to have the same effect on all those who had heard her, unable to look at her without their own cheeks turning a deep red.

“Well Rainbow, that might be a bit more difficult now.” Rainbow turned to face a very red in the face Twilight Sparkle. Rainbow was unsure if the bright red cheeks of the Princess of Friendship were due to what she had said, or how close Flash Sentry was to her; either way, Twilight’s cheeks looked hot enough to cook an egg on.

“And why’s that egg head?” Rainbow asked. Twilight gave a snort at the nickname, which only served to make Flash laugh slightly and Twilight’s face to grow hotter.

“Well, it seems that stallions have been going for much more than I had originally thought,” Twilight said, closing her eyes and trying to concentrate. “Caramel went for two thousand bits, so just imagine how much Big Mac is going to go for.” Rainbow’s eyes shrunk at that, she had only brought six hundred bits with her and even the lowest price of a stallion that night was more than she had.

Swallowing a lump in her throat, Rainbow looked into her saddlebag to see the bits she had brought with them, and compared to all the other bids of the night what she had was worse than pathetic. Her eyes then began to move across the crowd looking for whatever competition there might be left. Besides the mares that had been outbid by her friends there were still many more that had not placed a single bid all night and have been waiting patiently for the big red stallion like she had.

Then, as if on cue to just show how under prepared she was the loud voice of Carrot Cake cut through the air.

“Six thousand seven hundred! Do I hear eight hundred?”

“Eight hundred!”

“I have six thousand eight hundred! Anymore? Do I hear anymore on Time Turner? Going once… going twice—”

“Six thousand nine hundred!”

“I have nine hundred! Anypony willing to bid seven thousand? Seven thousand bits?”

“Seven thousand!”

“Seven thousand! Do I seven thousand one hundred? Going once… going twice… Sold!” Rainbow looked up in time to see a grey dart shoot out of the crowd and make its way to the stage. A wave of thunderous applause broke out as the grey blur made their way; but before it could fully reach the stage, it took a sharp turn and made a sudden nosedive, hitting the stage with a loud thud skidding the last few feet.

This didn’t seem to bother the mare at all. She jumped up on her hooves, a big and bright smile on her face as she held the bag of bits in her teeth. Time Turner had taken a step forward to help her up, but instead he returned the bright smile as she gave the bag of bits to Carrot Cake, before latching her forelegs around Time Turner’s neck with a storm of giggles.

“How was Derpy able to afford seven thousand bits?” Rarity asked, tilting her head as she watched the pair leave the stage, Derpy giggling helplessly as she clung to Time Turner. “I didn’t think being a mail mare paid that much!”

“It’s because she gave up muffins till the auction was over!” Chirped a high and very energetic voice. Heads whipped around to find none other that Dinky sitting a few feet away from them, a large smile spread across her face as she watched her mother and her stallion walking back over to them.

“Derpy went that long without muffins?” Applejack asked, eyes watching the couple’s movements. “Ah didn’t think it was possible fer her ta go an hour without one,” Dinky just giggled helplessly as she got to her hooves.

“Love makes you do strange things! Good luck, Auntie Dash!” Dinky said, before bouncing off to join up with her mother and her prize. As she left, the attention that went from Dinky focused on Rainbow Dash who didn’t seem the least be phased by what the filly had called her.

“Auntie Dash?” Applejack asked, to which Rainbow Dash merely shrugged.

“I watch the squirt sometimes. She called me that when she was little and it kind of stuck.” Rainbow didn’t want to go into any greater detail as she set her attention back on stage, where Carrot Cake was handing the bag of bits off to be counted.

She could feel her heart starting to pound faster, a bit of sweat forming upon her brow as the time drew near. In the next few moments she was going to have to figure out how she was going to afford Big Mac. He was the star of the show, and she doubted she had enough bits to bid on him and there was no way she could go drain her bank account now. With an audible gulp, all she could do now as wait for the starting bid, and pray that it was within her range.

Rainbow Dash was not the only one holding her breath, as many mares had been waiting for this moment since they had first heard about the auction. The opportunity to go out with the big red stallion was too good to pass up and many had been saving up their bits for this moment. As the crowd held a collective breath, Mister Cake cleared his throat once more and looked out over the audience.

“We are finally here, the last stallion to be auctioned off this evening!” He started, and was greeted by the roar of cheers and whistles for the final stallion. “We have seen many stallions won this evening, and they will be taking some lucky mares out in the near future. Now it is time for Ponyville’s number one stallion to be put on the block, and to take one very, very lucky mare out on a date! So without further ado, please welcome Big Macintosh Apple!” At those words, the stallion himself walked on stage, looking like he always did with large muscles on full display and his traditional yoke around his thick neck.

The crowd went into an utter frenzy as Mac walked onto stage, even after all his blunders he was still the dream stallion to many of the mares in the crowd. Mac took it in stride this time, as he walked out and kept himself poised and ready. He avoided eye contact with the crowd however, electing to stare at something beyond the crowd to keep himself collected as he chewed on the piece of straw in his mouth.

Amidst the storm of cheers and whistles, Mac stayed his stoic self for the crowd, even if in the back of his mind he was terrified like a colt on his first day of school he did not dare let that show now. He took it all like a strong oak in the midst of a storm and soldiered on.

“Alright, alright, calm down,” Carrot laughed, as he looked over the crowd with a broad smile. “Though you didn’t do too great in the judging rounds, there is no denying you are the apple of many mares’ eye around town,” Carrot’s smile grew wide as he looked around the ponies gathered. The crowd just stared back at him, waiting for the starting bid as his eyes darted around. “Get it? Apple of the eye? Like… when you tell somepony that they’re the…” Carrot Cake gave out a breath as the crowd cocked their heads in confusion. “Nevermind. The starting bid for Big Mac will be ten thousand bits,”

“Ten thousand bits?!” Rainbow shouted, getting to her hooves and glaring up on stage. “Who the buck has ten thousand bits to drop on Ma—”

“I have ten thousand bits! Do I hear more?” Carrot’s voice rang out as the ground around Rainbow Dash became brighter as a new heat ran over her. Looking up, she saw that one of the spot lights had fallen on her. Her eyes widened as she realized that by shouting the price, Carrot had marked her as a bid.

Her eyes darted around her, as ponies turned to stare at her. She saw the smirks on Rarity’s and Applejack’s faces when she whipped around, Spitifire’s cocked eyebrow as she smiled in amusement, and half a dozen glares of other ponies as she bidded on the stallion they all sought out. Her eyes finally came to rest on the stallion himself standing on stage and looking right at her. Big Mac had cocked his head to the side slightly his expression not changing one bit.

Rainbow felt like she was about to die then and there, as her crush was looking right at her. All she wanted to do now was find the closest hole and bury herself in it to avoid this embarrassment. Right as she thought about running and hiding she looked back at Mac one more time to see that he was smiling right at her. Not the fake one he had been using all night to be a good sport about it, but what looked like a genuine smile.

Is he… is he happy I bid on him? Rainbow’s mind raced, trying to figure out if the big stallion before her was interested in her. Well, he was a stallion and she was the most awesome mare in Equestria so he should have some attraction to her… right? Confidence started to swell within Rainbow’s chest as she stood up straighter at that very thought; Of course he is happy I bid on him! Any red-blooded stallion would be thrilled that I placed a bid on him! Satisfied, Dash sat back down... until another thought hit her. How in Tartarus am I going to pay for this?! Oh Celestia, let someone else bid on hi—

“I’ll give fifteen thousand on that fine stallion!” A rich voice, like that of honey, broke Rainbow’s concentration, and the heat of the spotlight flew from her and over the crowd towards another. Rainbow watched the light as it soared through the crowd to land on a light tan earth pony mare with a deep red mane, a pink bow around her neck.

“Ah didn’t know Cherry was comin’ fer this,” Applejack said, leaning away from Soarin and looking at her one time boss. “She has bits ta burn Rainbow, Ah doubt any mare is gettin’ Mac from her.”

Rainbow let out a sigh. Oh, good, somepony outbid me.

A few breaths.

Oh, crap, someone outbid me!

“Sixteen thousand!” Another voice called out, and the spotlight was flying through the crowd again, landing on a pegasus further back with a snow white mane and light blue fur. Rainbow felt her jaw drop open as she recognized another Wonderbolt.

“Oh? I was wondering where Fleetfoot had been hiding,” Spitfire said, her orange eyes fixed on another one of her subordinates. “She had been excited for this for quite some time, talking about a dashing stallion she had seen here once,” Rainbow felt the fur on her neck rise as Spitfire spoke, there was another pony bidding on Big Mac who had more bits than she did!

“Twenty thousand!” Another voice called out, and as always the spotlight flew through the crowd till resting on a green earth pony with a long blue mane. Rainbow just stared at the other mare, cocking her head to one side as she did so.

“Who’s that?” Rainbow pointed her hoof at the strange mare, the spotlight still on her.

“Oh! That’s Tealove!” Twilight said, her eyes sparkling in recognition. “She makes some of the most fantastic teas! Celestia and Luna buy from her all the time!” Rainbow just let out a low growl as she fell onto her stomach rubbing her temple with the tip of her hooves; her eyes firmly shut.

“Great! That is just bucking great! A Wonderbolt, the richest pony in Dodge Junction, and somepony I don’t even know who sells tea to royalty are all after Mac, and I only have six hundred bits!” Rainbow spat, growling in further frustration. She didn’t think so many ponies were going to show up, or that ponies had saved up so many bits for this!

As she opened one eye, she watched as the spotlights were having trouble keeping up with the bids as each one of the mares kept calling out higher bids. Each amount more staggering than before. At the rate they were going at, they could have bought Ponyville with what they were bidding.

Looking back to the stage, Mac seemed to be having just as hard of a time following the bids as the ponies on the spotlight did. Though what she really noticed was that his smile was gone. That wasn’t true, he was still smiling, but it was off. Not the easy smile he had when they had locked eyes a moment ago. It wasn’t natural.

Rainbow’s eyes went wide as she noticed it, that what she had seen on him when she bidded was a true genuine smile and not this fake one. Yes! He wants me to win him! She cheered in her mind, getting back to her hooves, her wings spread out ready to take to the sky again and listened for the bids.

“Thirty-five thousand bits!”

“Thirty-six!”

“Thirty-seven!”

Rainbow’s wings deflated like balloons as her jaw fell open. She didn't have that kind of money just laying around, not unless she wanted to take out a giant loan from the bank! Watching the spotlight flying across the crowd of ponies, she needed to find a ton of bits and fast! There had to be someway to get those bits now!

“So, I take it you quite like the stallion on stage?” Rainbow nearly jumped out of her skin as she heard the voice. She wiped her head around to find Spitfire standing right next to her. The Captain of the Wonderbolts was not looking at her, however, instead her golden orbs were locked onto Big Mac like those of a predator. Without giving Rainbow any indication that she had seen her turn to face her, Spitfire began to speak again in a hush tone.

“He is quite the looker. Big, strong, and had that rugged country charm! And the way he holds that wheat in his mouth,” Rainbow watched a visible shudder pass through Spitfire as she described Big Mac. Spitfire then gave her head a hard shake and turned to Rainbow Dash. “Sorry, you might say I have a… taste… for country stallions,” she laughed, as she looked back at her own stallion for the night, and then back at Applejack and Soarin. “It must be a Wonderbolts thing,” she mused, before turning back to Rainbow.

Rainbow had to repress her own shudder, not needing to know that much about the Captain of the Wonderbolts. Yes, she was a huge fan of the Wonderbolts in every way and loved to learn more about them. But this bit of information, just about the more, private, matters of Spitfire she didn’t need to know.

“I’ll take your word on that,” Rainbow replied, trying not to make eye contact with Spitfire. The fire maned pegasus didn’t take notice, as she looked back to Big Mac on stage.

“I was considering bidding on him as well, but I will not need him anymore after my bonus prize tonight.” Rainbow had to suppress another shudder, her eyes darting back to Fluttershy who was sitting next to Braeburn still. “So, since I am in such a good mood and knowing that you don’t go back on your word, how about I give you a loan tonight?” Rainbow’s head whipped back to Spitfire so fast, one might have sworn she got whiplash from it.

“You…. You’re serious?” Rainbow squeaked, her scratchy voice betraying her at such a crucial moment.

“Of course I am!” Spitfire barked, making Rainbow flinch back as she did. “I already won my prize, now go get your mane done, shine your hooves, and win you some beefcake!"

Rainbow snapped to attention at once, and saluted Spitfire at once. “Yes, Ma’am!” Rainbow replied back, before turning her attention back to the bidding war.

Glancing over the crowd she saw that the spotlight was now fixated on Cherry Jubilee, her head tilted up and a smile of victory spread across her lips. Scanning around she saw that Fleetfoot had landed herself and Tealove hung her head down low. She had taken out both mares, and was waiting to claim her prize.

“Forty five thousand bits! Do I hear more?” Cake’s voice rang out, as he looked over the crowd. As he did, Rainbow’s attention was fixated on Mac again and she could see visible sweat running down his face as he looked at Cherry, leaning away from the mare that would claim him.

Lowering her stance, Rainbow got down in ready position for a race as though this was just another day at the track for her. She had her goal, and the means to get it now. All she had left to do was make sure everypony knew she was getting that stallion tonight!

“Going once!” Rainbow lowered herself a bit more, “Going twice!” Her wings gave a flutter of excitement as she narrowed her eyes on Mac. “Sol—”

“Fifty thousand bits!” Rainbow shouted, soaring high into the sky. Everypony in the crowd turned at once to look at her, as the spotlights traced the sky looking for her till three of them landed right on her. “That’s right! Fifty thousand bits for Big Mac!” She proclaimed, crossing her forelegs and staring down at Cherry. “Got anything to top that?”

Cherry just stared up at Rainbow Dash, eyes wide as she tried to say something, her mouth opening and shutting several times before she turned away from Rainbow Dash, glaring at the ground before her. Rainbow Dash just smiled in triumph as she looked back down at the stage. Both Carrot Cake and Big Mac shared a look of shock, neither one of them seeming to believe what they were seeing.

Then Mac’s expression started to change, morphing from one of shock till he was smiling up at her with that real, genuine smile of his. That smile made her heart skip a beat as she became thankful that no one could get a clear look at her face. She then turned her attention away from Mac, as painful as that was, and down at Carrot.

“You going to count down or what?” Carrot Cake spluttered slightly as Rainbow talked down at him. Giving his head a shake he started to clear his throat.

“Ri… right. Uh…” he swallowed a lump in his throat as he looked back over the crowd again. “Fifty thousand bits… do I hear…” he looked back up at Rainbow Dash and then back to Big Mac. “Eh, screw it. Going once! Going Twice! Sold!”

No sooner than that magical word left Carrot’s throat did Rainbow Dash go into a dive bomb, aimed at the big red stallion on stage. Mac didn’t even notice what she was up to till it was too late, and barely made it to his own hooves when Rainbow crashed into his chest, sending the pair into a backwards tumble ending with Mac on his back and Rainbow Dash on top.

“That’s right! I won! This stallion is mine!” Rainbow proclaimed, looking back at the crowd. “Deal with it!”

For a few brief moments, not a sound could be heard from the crowd as they all stared at Rainbow Dash standing on top of Big Mac claiming him for her own. Rainbow just stood on top of the stallion breathing hard enough that her chest was heaving up and down as she stood there. Then out in the crowd, a high pitch whistle broke the silence, and the crowd erupted into its loudest applause that night. Whistles and cheers broke out, and a few fireworks were shot off into the air to celebrate the end of the auction with the top stallion being won.

Rainbow just soaked it all in, letting the thrill of it all wash over her like she had just placed first in the greatest race in Equestrian history. In many ways she had, and she was not willing to part with her prize till everypony there knew that Mac was her prize to take home! Though reality had to get in the way at one of her greatest achievements.

“Miss Dash, I assume you do have fifty thousand bits to pay for him, yes?” Rainbow turned to face the source of the voice to see Carrot Cake standing a foot or two away. Though his eyes were down at Big Mac. Rainbow turned her attention to the stallion, to see him just laying there as though there was nothing wrong in the world, just looking up at her with a grin.

Rainbow had to keep herself from squealing out in delight at Mac’s face, because cool ponies don’t squeal! “I sure do!” Rainbow said, looking around. “Uh… at least I should.” Carrot cocked an eyebrow at her.

“You should? Miss Dash, we need either bits at hand or a check. Otherwise I will have to give the win to Cher—”

“That won’t be necessary,” all three ponies on stage looked up to find Spitfire landing on stage with nothing short of perfect grace. Between two of her wings was a blue check sighed and ready to go. “This should cover it all,” she said, handing the check to Carrot Cake before looking back at Rainbow Dash. “At least get a room first. I won’t bail you out of jail,” Spitfire said as she turned around to take off. “Speaking of getting a room…” Spitfire didn’t say anything after that as she took to the sky and heading right back to her own prize.

Rainbow couldn't help but shudder, not sure if she should feel sorry for Braeburn and Fluttershy. On one hoof, it was going to be a night to remember, but on the other she had no idea what they were going to be remembering. The mental images that came with that thought made her consider getting a therapist to help her with the trauma attached to them.

“While Ah know ya won me Miss Dash, and Ah am supposed ta do what ya say,” Rainbow’s face instantly heated up as she realized that she was still on top of Big mac and all of Ponyville could see her there. “But could ya kindly let me up? Not sayin’ lookin’ up at yeah ain’t a great view, but Ah would like ta get up.”

“Yeah, no problems Mac!” She said, doing her best to hide her face from the large stallion as she slowly got off of him. Mac rolled onto his chest before rising up again, his large body towering over Rainbow Dash’s. While she would normally take to the air, to make sure she could look anypony in the face and show them that she did not fear them, she didn’t mind one bit looking up at Mac.

He gave a light shake, before sitting down next to her with an easy grin. “Thank ya kindly fer bidding on me Miss Dash. When would you like ta go on our date, and what would ya like ta do?” Mac’s deep and accented voice made fireworks go off in Dash’s mind and she had to keep herself from trotting in place. She just beamed up at him as he waited for her.

“I have no idea!” She laughed, as she gave a flap of her wings and flew next to him. Mac blinked a few times, cocking his head to the side like a dog trying to learn a new word. “Wasn’t even sure I was going to get you! But I’ll think of something!” She laughed, jabbing him on the shoulder. “Now come on! I want to show you off!”

As Mac and Rainbow Dash left the stage, Carrot Cake just shook his head as he looked over the crowd one more time.

“That’s all everypony! Now for you lucky mares who won tonight, please enjoy your prize!”

Chapter 9: Enjoy Your Prize! Part One

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Chapter 9: Enjoy your Prize

“Do I have to?”

“She won ya fair and square. It’s the least you can do.”

“But I don’t want to go on a date with her! I want to go on a date with you!”

“Oh, stop being such a baby. Maybe ya should of asked me instead of gettin’ all swept up in that there auction.”

Soarin groaned and fidgeted once more, earning yet another annoyed huff from Applejack as she jerked his dark blue tie a bit harder than was necessary to adjust it. They stood in the farmhouse dining room, preparing him for the date he rightly owed to Cloud Kicker. His mane and tail had been brushed back from their usual windswept look, and his wings freshly preened. He would have looked handsome enough to ask Celestia or Luna out on a date, were it not for the sour expression on his face.

Applejack took a step back from the stallion. “I gotta say, when ya decide to clean up, yer one mighty fine looking stallion.” She giggled at the light pink flushing his cheeks.

“I’d say!” Soarin and Applejack turned to Granny Smith as she walked into the kitchen. “Why’d if I was yer age AJ and had a fine stallion like this comin’ around fer pies, I’da had him tied around mah hoof within the first week!” She then gave Soarin’s flank a slap, causing Soarin to give out a filly-like shriek and jump away.

“Really, Granny?” Applejack asked, while Soarin fought to get his wings under control, turning his jump into a trot and moving to sit next to Applejack, using her as a shield from the elder mare.

“Ain’t my fault that I still have a healthy interest in stallions,” Granny said, getting into her seat at the table and pulling the newspaper to her. “And I’m willin’ to act on it, unlike some mares.”

Applejack and Soarin both turned away from Granny as she opened her paper, both their faces starting to warm a bit. “Honestly, it was plain as a flashin’ neon sign that he was interested in more than just pies,” Granny paused for second, squinting her eyes in concentration. “Mostly.” Soarin’s face grew dark while his eyes went wide, as Applejack pulled the brim of her hat over her eyes.

“Do you have to?” Applejack moaned, fidgeting as she tried not to make eye contact with the equally flustered stallion.

“When yer as old as I am, ya gotta get yer laughs where ya can,” Granny said, flipping another page. “Besides, with how old I’m getting, it’d be a plum miracle if I get a great grandfoal before I kick the bucket! Slow as you’re going, li’l Bloom will be having foals a’fore you!” Granny didn’t have to see over her newspaper to know the two ponies before her were getting even redder at her words. “Speakin’ of slow…”

The screen door to the kitchen opened up and Big Mac entered, looking as stoic as ever with his yoke and a sprig of wheat. He walked right past the commotion as he headed for the pot of coffee on the stove.

“I heard that you and Braeburn both got bought by a pegasi,” Granny said. “When did the Apples start takin’ a fancy to wings?” Applejack kept her face hidden by her hat, a short groan escaping her lips as Soarin’s eyes darted around in search of an escape. Mac didn’t respond, simply pouring himself some coffee. Granny merely tittered, looking back at the hallway towards the stairs. “Now where is your lazy cousin at? I ain't seen hide nor hair of him since the whole hullabaloo.”

“Don’t know. Headed off with Miss Fluttershy and Miss Spitfire at the end of the auction,” Mac said after taking a sip.

“Oh? Well, I may end up being a great grandma after all,” Granny tittered to herself.

“Are Soarin and AJ gettin’ married?”All heads whipped around to find Apple Bloom sitting at the table right next to Granny, staring at Soarin and Applejack. She had entered the room without making a sound, putting herself right in the middle of the conversation. Her head cocked to the side a bit as she looked around at each pony’s shocked expression. Except for Mac, who just kept sipping on his coffee. “What?”

“Bloom,” Applejack started, suffingly on her hooves as Soarin’s wings ruffled slightly. “Uh… why would ya think that Soarin and I are getting married?” Apple Bloom tilted her head again, like a dog trying to learn a new command.

“Well, yer doin’ what ya said Ma and Pa used to do.” Applejack blinked at that, turning to Granny and then Mac, the former grinning like a madmare and the latter pointedly looking elsewhere.

“We are?”

“Eeyup!” Apple Bloom squeaked. “Y’all used to tell me how Ma would always help Pa look his best no matter how much he fussed! He would moan and groan like Ma was torturing him or somethin’. Then when it was all said and done, she’d give him a kiss on the cheek and he’d get that goofy kinda grin I seen on Soarin’s face at the auction!”

Soarin’s cheeks flamed and his wings fluttered ever so slightly. The idea he was being compared to Applejack’s father was a bit embarrassing, but also kind of honoring in an odd way. He looked at Applejack, the redness returning to her cheeks as she cast a lightning quick glance towards him, the slightest hint of a smile on her face.

“Well I’ll be,” Granny said, ruffling Apple Bloom’s mane. “Ya hit the nail on the head there, lil’ sprout! I guess it's true, mares do tend to find themselves a stallion that reminds them of their fathers.” Applejack let out a little sputter at this, her cheeks likely hot enough to fry an egg. Granny just chuckled and proceeded to push herself from the table. “Now come on youngin’. I need yer help in the living room.”

“Doin’ what?”

“I just need yer help. Now leave them be,” Granny called back, “Else ya ain’t gettin no dessert tonight!” At those words, Apple Bloom shot up from her seat as though it was a hot stove, and darted after Granny. Mac just shook his head and placed his now empty mug in the sink and left the room without a word.

As he did, he stopped in front of Soarin and eyed him. Soarin just gave a weak smile as the red stallion gave him a once over, looked him in the eyes, and then snorted before going back outside. Soarin looked after him, then back to Applejack. “What was that about?”

The redness on Applejack’s cheeks had only begun to fade. “Oh, he’s just tryin’ to size ya up, being the overprotective type,” she said with a shrug. “He’s a good stallion though.”

“He better be,” Soarin said, puffing out his chest. “He’s got a date with my wingpony. If he hurts Crash, he’ll have to answer to me, and all the other ‘bolts! That is, if you don’t get to him first,” he said with a wink. Applejack shook her head, as she stepped in front of Soarin to smooth out his tie.

“Stars above, you’re a goof,” she muttered, before giving him a peck on the cheek which made his wings flutter. “But I like goofs.” she added, as she patted him on the chest. “Now, go on, git! You show Cloud Kicker one heck of a good time, and maybe we'll see what I’m up to tomorrow evenin’.”

Soarin raised an eyebrow at that and smirked. “Oh? And what might you be doing tomorrow evening?” He asked, flashing that wolfish smile of his. Applejack returned it with her own, walking past him in the process, flipping his nose with the end of her tail as she walked by.

“I’m either going on a nice date with a blue pegasus, or washin’ my mane fer a few hours,” she deadpanned, leaving Soarin alone in the kitchen looking after her.

He stayed there for a few moments, giving out a deep sigh. “Sweet Luna, I hit the jackpot with her.” He said happily as he turned towards the back door. “Cloud Kicker you better be ready for the full Soarin’ special.” He flared his wings and leapt into the sky.

Cup Cake was in the back of the bakery, putting orders together and keeping up with the normal rush of ponies for the day. Usually she’d be working on the front counter, dealing with ponies all day, while Carrot did the baking in the back. When Pinkie was around, she would float between the two and help out with whatever they needed.

That day however, Carrot wasn’t feeling very well and joined the twins for their afternoon nap, having barely been able to stay awake for the morning shift. This was nothing new between the married couple, sometimes one would have to stay up all night with the twins if they were fussy and would take a nap with them in the afternoon. This was easier when Pinkie was around, as she would take over the responsibility of the Cake that was taking a nap.

Today, Pinkie had all but begged to work the front and take orders all day. She had been bouncing in place, pleading so much that Cup Cake had no idea if the pink mare had even taken a breath during any of her begging. Unable to take it anymore, she allowed Pinkie to work the front, and Pinkie squealed as she ran to the front counter.

Cup Cake had no problem working the back. It was a nice mental break for her, to just do a simple job instead of dealing with all the different customers and their orders. Sure, most of the time it was simple but there were always those one or two difficult ones that would test her, to keep from knocking their lights out no matter how right she would be for doing it. While in the back, she didn’t have to deal with that and only had to remember when to check the oven, and what supplies she needed.

“Yargh! That be three bits, ya scurvy dog!”

Cup Cake blinked. She turned to look out the open door that led to the front of the store, confused by the sudden voice. She could clearly see Pinkie standing there, taking the bits the customer gave to her.

It was not unheard of for Pinkie to do voices when she was working, but that voice sounded more masculine than normal, and even the customer was surprised. Shaking her head, Cup Cake went back to her work. Pinkie could act as silly as she wanted so long as she got the work done and made the customer happy. As she put another tray of cookies, another unknown voice echoed out from the front.

“That will be, uh… Pyat' bit? Da! Five bits!”

“Since when could Pinkie do a Stalliongrad accent?” Cup Cake murmured to herself, turning back to the door. She had heard nearly all of the voices Pinkie could do, but she had never heard her use such an accent before, and one that sounded just as masculine as before.

Looking out the doorway, she saw Pinkie standing behind the counter by herself, the customer on the other side looking just as bewildered as Cup Cake. Once more, she could not figure out how Pinkie was doing it, she had never heard her change her voice that much!

Putting the cookies in the oven, Cup Cake finally walked towards the door, trying to keep herself from making any sound at all. Once was just odd, but twice called for further investigation on her part. Pressing herself up against the wall, she leaned over just enough that she could get a closer look at Pinkie, but not so much that anypony that wasn’t deliberately looking for her would notice her.

The next pony in line was already looking over the glass case that held all the products of the day, pointing out their order as Pinkie nodded. Without a word, Pinkie went to retrieve the items, humming to herself the entire time. When she moved away, Cup gasped. Caramel sat tucked away beneath the counter, reddened face twisted in a cheesy grin. The hidden stallion watched Pinkie get the items, before he looked down at a menu by him to check the prices. Carmel also had a pad and paper with him, and Cup Cake saw him furiously scribbling on it—likely to work out the total—before Pinkie came back. As she bagged up the customer's order, Caramel stifled a giggle, then opened his mouth.

“That’ll be seven bits, old chap! Will there be anything else this morning?” Pinkie worked her mouth up and down a bit, doing her best to mimic the Trottingham accent that Caramel tossed upwards. The customer blinked hard a few times, let out a nervous chuckle, then grabbed his pastry and fled.

Once the customer was out of sight, Pinkie broke into a fit of uncontrollable laughter, pounding a hoof on the counter. Below her, Caramel fell to his side, tummy heaving under the force of his wheezing giggles. Mrs. Cake bit her hoof, not wanting her own chuckles to interrupt the cute couple. She then blushed when she noticed that Caramel was still wearing the collar Pinkie had slapped on him during the auction, and that it now sported a leash, and that the other end was tied to Pinkie’s hoof. She would have to ask them to do away with that once the twins woke up, but for now, she just shook her head and returned to the kitchen.

“Heh-heh-heh. Kids.”

Blueblood was cross.

No, cross didn’t even begin to describe how he felt.

He was livid.

When Prince Blueblood went on a date, he would travel on expensive airships or yachts, seeing shows, eating at restaurants that took other's months to get in at. And of course, only with the most beautiful and influential mares around his arm.

So why was he, Prince Blueblood, descendant of Princess Platinum herself and heir to the throne of Equestria, albeit a very distant heir, standing outside a cottage in the middle of the bloody woods?

The cottage had an overgrown garden, painted in a spectrum of colors that didn’t match, or have any set design to them that he could identify at all. Then, as if that wasn’t bad enough, the path to the cottage was simple dirt! Not even cobblestone, but actual dirt! He would have to ruin his perfectly done hooficure to even begin this trainwreck of a date. Bluebood let out an undignified grunt. Out of all the mares at that outlandish auction, why was it that he was claimed by a mare of such poor taste and not a hint of class?!

“If only Aunt Celestia hadn’t forced me to go to that accursed auction,” Blueblood murmured as he took in a deep breath. “But a gentlecolt I am, and a gentlecolt I shall be! A prince does not break his word…. not even to a filthy peasant.” With that, Blueblood marched up to the front door and knocked hard on the wooden door.

“Just a tick, brah!” He heard the familiar low and airy voice of the mare that had won him, and feebly suppressed a shudder.

I am to spend a whole day with this… this… Before Blueblood could finish his thought, the door swung open and the green mare appeared before him, beaming at him with the easy smile of one that never seemed to worry about anything.

“What up, Blue Dude? Blessings and positive energy upon you,” she said, holding her hooves out as if giving a benediction. “Come on in, I can’t wait to start this date!” she said, laughing a bit. Blueblood just scowled at her.

“My name is not Blue Dude. It is Blue-blood! Prince Blueblood to be more accurate,” he fumed, taking a hesitant step into her home. Tree Hugger merely laughed as she welcomed him inside and closed the door behind them. As soon as the door shut, he noticed a distinct smell in the air, like a mixture of spices that clung to the inside of his nostrils. He gave a snort to try and rid the smell, but it stuck around.

As he shook his head, he took a look at the living room of Tree Hugger’s cottage. What looked like second-hand rugs were scattered across the room, strewn about so that not a piece of the hardwood floor could be seen. Some were in the shapes of diamonds, others a leaf he did not recognize, and many other designs, none of it matching at all. Bean bag chairs were the only furniture in the room besides a table that held a lava lamp and some strange glassware that Blueblood was also unfamiliar with. The room was also rather dimly lit, with heavy curtains on the window not letting in much light, but the streams of light that were allowed in reflected off glass that was set into the ceiling, casting an array of colors and lights every which way.

“Isn’t it, like, super chill?” Tree Hugger asking, walking up next to him, admiring the living room. “This is where I come when I need to realign my chi and let my auras untangle from the universe for a tick, ya know? I cleaned it up for you, but it's still real mellow, right?” Blueblood suppressed a shudder as she spoke. Her voice was so languid and slow, as if there was nothing important to be done, ever. Eyeing the room again, he gave another snort, trying to get that smell out of his nostrils.

“Right… mellow.” The words felt strange to him, but they served to make Tree Hugger giggle.

“Awesome! See, you’ve been only around my positive vibes for a bit, and already you’re getting better! Like, by the time we're done, your energy is going to be at one with everything!” she said before smacking his shoulder. Blueblood let out a grunt as Tree Hugger walked on past him. “Take a seat, Blue Dude, I’ll get us some brownies and then we can chill. Take a load off and I’ll be back.” With that she walked into the kitchen leaving Blueblood alone.

“It’s Blue-blood!” he nearly shouted after her, only to be greeted by laughter as she went through a curtain of beads into what he presumed was the kitchen.

That’s all? She just wants to sit around and…. chill? Blueblood had no problem with staying indoors. As long as he was not seen in public with her, his reputation would be safe! The last thing he wanted was to have his picture all over the tabloids with this mare, and all the ridiculous articles that would follow it. With that crisis averted, he turned back to the living room, or more so at the bag that was closest to him

“How is one supposed to sit in these things?” Blueblood asked out loud, looking at the bean bag chairs. He had never been in the same zip code as this piece of common furniture, let alone sat in one. He prodded the bag with his hoof. The tip sunk into it, and he jerked back. The sensation was alien to him. The material felt odd. Cringing, he moved in front of the bag and slowly lowered his royal flank into it, his eyes squeezed shut in anticipation.

The bean bag molded to fit him as he lowered himself till he was sitting on the edge of it. He felt his cheek heat up as he sat on the strange piece of furniture, unsure if he was sitting in it right. He did not dare move though, his pride not allowing him to, and not because he was feeling nervous and uncomfortable at all. He was a prince, he would weather this storm like a true stallion. Trying to take his mind off the bean bag he sat upon, he gazed around the living room again. His eyes eventually came to rest on the strange glass artwork on the table.

Each one of them, he had to admit, looked like art. Some were stained in strange colors, others with intricate designs and shapes. All Blueblood could compare them to was test tubes he had seen in some unicorn’s laboratories, except it looked like a pipe was coming out of them on the lower part. This Tree Hugger was no unicorn, so he doubted they were for science, so what would she use them for? Just as his horn lit to levitate one of them over to him, a new scent made its way through all the spices in the air to his nose.

The scent tickled at his nose, tempting him to take in a deeper inhale. As he did, a smile made its way onto his lips as he tried to inhale more, until his lungs could not hold anymore. The scent was of rich, milky chocolate, the kind that left a phantom taste on your tongue when you smelled it. Blueblood closed his eyes as he pointed his nose in the air, taking in deeper breaths of that wonderful smell.

“Like, I guess it's true what they say. The fastest way to a stallion's heart is through his stomach.”

Blueblood’s eyes open suddenly to find Tree Hugger placing a plate of the best looking brownies he had ever seen on the table before him. She turned back to him, and cocked her head slightly, her purple eyes seemed to be confused. “What?” Blueblood demanded, feeling his temper flare at her gawking. She was the odd one here, not him! “Do I have dirt in my mane?” He looked around for a mirror to examine himself, the walk in the woods must have messed up his wonderful mane and coat.

“No, dude. You're sitting wrong,” she said, walking over to him. “You got to relax if you want your chakras to fully open to the world around you, ya dig?” she said, putting her hoof on Blueblood’s chest. He didn’t know if his eyes could widen anymore, but that didn’t stop him from trying when she placed a hoof on him. Him!

“Now see here! I do not like it when ponies put their hooves on—”

“This is my date, right?” Tree Hugger said, interrupting him, looking him straight in the eyes.

“Well yes, but—”

“And we do what I wanna do, right?”

“True! But—”

“Then just relax, man,” she said, as she pushed her hoof against his chest. “You have nothing to worry about. This is a place of open feelings and energy. Just go with the flow, man,” she said, her voice low and almost soothing. Blueblood took in another deep breath and… and… he did start to feel a bit more relaxed. He didn’t know why he was, but something about it did soothe his nerves. Blueblood noticed that the scent of spices had returned, a bit thicker this time but it didn’t bother him as much. In fact, he found it rather pleasant now. He allowed Tree Hugger to push him into the bean bag till he was on his back, his forelegs bent in the air.

“See? You're already looking better!” Tree Hugger said, delight in her voice as she took a brownie off the plate. “Now, the moment I saw you at the auction, I could tell that your vibrations were totally out of sync.”

“My... vibrations?”

“Totally. That’s why I paid for this date! You are in desperate need of a karmic cleansing. Open yourself up to the experience of experiencing. Now, close your eyes and open your mouth.”

“Now why would I—”

“Just do it. Trust me, it's like, totally cool!”

Totally… that’s a funny word. Blueblood thought, as he closed his eyes and opened his mouth as she instructed. Once he did, Tree Hugger placed the brownie in his mouth, and placed her hoof under his chin to make him close.

“Now chew slowly. Let the chocolate melt in your mouth.” Blueblood rolled his eyes while they were closed, but still did as she told him to. As he chewed, the rich taste of chocolate started to overtake his mouth and he could not help but let out a groan of bliss.

He had tasted chocolate imported from all across the world, but none had ever tasted as good as this brownie. He tried to control his chewing, but he wanted to scarf it down just so he could have another! It was so good! He chewed slowly though. It would be unsightly to say the least for a prince to act like a pig. He kept chewing till the brownie was nothing but mush in his mouth and swallowed.

“There you go, Blue Dude. Just let the brownie seep into the hidden corners of your aura,” She said, looking down at him.

“That… that was simply superb! I must have another,” Blueblood said, as he started to lean up. Before he could, Tree Hugger placed her hoof on his chest again.

“Whoa, man you need to relax,” she said, as she picked up the plate and then plopped down next to him on the bean bag, picking up another brownie. “Here, just open up,” she said, holding out the brownie. Though as she did, Prince Blueblood felt his cheeks light up. She was laying right next to him, as intimate as one could be without touching, feeding him brownies on a first date! It was all so improper, and not like a prince should behave.

“Now Miss Hugger this is—” He couldn't finish as she put another brownie in his mouth. He chewed thoughtfully, only now taking in the full flavor of the treat and becoming lost in it. His eyes widened slightly. “This is... this is delectable! You must tell me your secret ingredient!"

"Huh? Oh, that's probably the grass."

"Grass, eh? Never thought to put grass in a brownie, but I can not deny the result. What strain? Kentucky Blue? Agrostis? I've sampled grass from all over the world, and I've never tasted something so uniquely delicious."

"Uh... sticky grass."

"Sticky? Hmm, never heard of it. But anyway, another, if you would be so kind!" Tree Hugger just giggled this time, as she put another brownie in his mouth, before taking one for herself.

“Righteous!”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Blueblood felt... funny. Not in a bad way, just in a... funny way. Heh, funny was a funny word, wasn’t it? Funnnnnnnnyyyyyy. The world around him seemed to roll and spin in a gentle, off-kilter rhythm. But he hardly noticed it, because his entire being was focused on something much more important and grand. His hoof.

By Celestia, his hoof! He’d been staring at it for close to ten minutes, and yet he could scarcely wrap his head around it. Pfft. Wrapping my head around my hoof. He reached his foreleg up and pressed it to his head, hoping it would sink in, but alas, even with seven of those delicious brownies in his stomach, he just couldn’t manage. Instead, he broke out into laughter as his foreleg fell across his forehead.

“See, Blue Dude?” Tree Hugger asked. “Doesn’t this just feel balanced? The spirit of the universe flows through us! You just needed a little jolt of bliss to see it” she said, smiling as she slowly chewed on her fourth brownie.

“Miss... heh, misssss.” He cleared his throat. “Miss Hugger, I-I do believe I do understand the benefits of ‘chilling’.” And he did. For the life of him, he couldn’t remember a time he had been so relaxed. Granted, he couldn’t remember five minutes ago for some reason, but who cared? The Canterlot elite? Buck them, he thought, giggling at the carelessness of the thought as he reached for another brownie.

Before he could reach, Tree Hugger pulled his hoof away. “I think you’ve had enough, dude.”

“Nooooooo,” he pouted. “Miss, I... uh, I will have you know that I am a Prince!” He threw his other hoof into the air, starting with reddened eyes at the wall across from him. “While you were still learning how to spell your name, I was being trained to rule Equestria!” He gesticulated—Heh, another funny word—wildly as he spoke. He moved to get up, but instantly decided it was easier to simply sink further into the bean bag chair.

He looked over to Tree Hugger, and realized that she was still holding his hoof. He looked at her, deep in her bleary eyes. In the time he had been there, something about her seemed to change. No longer was she some filthy peasant, so far beneath him. No, she was no peasant! To call her a princess seemed insulting now. A vision. An angel! A goddess! Something about her natural look, the way she did her mane, and that yellow bandana in her red mane was beyond beautiful, beyond words he could find. “Miss Hugger—”

“Pssh, it's Tree Hugger man.” The way she psshed him made Blueblood laugh. He had no idea why he found it so funny, but he did. It took him a few minutes to calm down, but when he did he was met by those wonderful purple eyes that seemed to be an ocean that he wanted to get lost in.

“Tree Hugger, I have a strong inclination to kiss you,” Blueblood said, his smile getting wider. Tree Hugger laughed as she scooted closer to him, their muzzles nearly touching.

“Like, right on, Blue Dude.”

Chapter 9: Enjoy your Prize! Part Two

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Crack!

“Come now, strong stallion, we shan't arrive on time at this rate.” Luna’s voice boomed as she cracked the whip held in her magic. “A stallion as strong and as bold as you should have no problem with this. You are the ‘mighty’ Shock n’ Awe, are you not?” The silver aura around the whip twitched and the whip came down upon a dark blue stallion.

“Shnargf!” Shock n’ Awe cried out as the whip came down upon his flank yet again. The once mighty and boastful stallion was covered in sweat, eyes wide, the veins around his neck visible as he struggled against his harness. He was attached to a large marble throne which Luna sat upon, a whip held in her magical aura, looking down at the stallion with the faintest smile upon her royal lips.

“Lousy… no good… psychotic… manipulative… bit—Arugh!” Shock let out another cry as the whip came down upon his flank with a loud crack!

“What was that, little colt? I could not hear over such mewling cries,” Luna said, her prim and proper tinged with malicious glee as she cracked the whip in the air.

“I… I said… All Glory to the most… beautiful, smartest, prettiest... nrgh sunova...wisest, mercifulest, and all around b-bestest princess, Princess Luna Vicit Noctis,” Shock grumbled out, his entire body strained as he took each step,the immeasurable weight behind him creaking as it inched along. “Sovereign of the St-stars and Guardian of the Dreamscape.”

“That is correct, my fine stallion.” Her horn flared just a hint brighter as she added a few dozen more pounds to the already imposing throne. “Tis been too long since I have heard the old titles used. A much better form of address than those terrible things you said about me years ago, wouldn’t you agree?”

“What?!” Shock turned his head to face her, eye still twitching, his right eye bloodshot, adding to his already deranged expression. “You still have your starry panties in a wad about that?! It was a compliment! I didn’t mean to—” the whip lashed across his tender flanks once again, this time causing him to jump into the air a bit— “son of a sireless goat!”

“Quiet, date,” Luna hissed, glaring down at Shock, readying the whip again. “What you said was insensitive, demeaning, and sexist. This is more than fair punishment.” Luna huffed, looking upon the whip, readying another strike.

“All I said is that you have a big flank! That is a good thing! I like mares who have some junk in the… Beard of Star Swirl!”

“Thou shalt remain silent unless asked to speak,” Luna said, nearly cackling with barely repressed glee. “Otherwise this date shall only get worse for you.”

Shock looked over his shoulder at Luna, one eyebrow raised above the other. “Wait… I-I've been pulling this friggin' throne for hours! This date is almost—”

“This date will be over when I say it’s over,” Luna said, cutting him off. “That being tonight, or next week, or in a few months… I haven’t decided yet” Luna said, tapping the butt of the whip against her chin. “Why, depending on my whims and your words, who knows? Perhaps...” Her sadistic grin widened, and for just a moment, Shock would swear he saw her teeth elongate into fangs. “The date... shall last... forever!”

Shock gulped. Somewhere along the way had died and he had been sent to Hell. He was sure of it.

“Oh, don’t look so dower,” Twilight said. “It'll be fun! Just wait and see.”

Spike merely grumbled in response, refusing to give a comment on his current predicament. He sat perched in his usual spot between Twilight's shoulder blades, dressed in a snazzy suit coat and tie as they made their way towards Carousel Boutique.

Twilight loved her surrogate little brother like none other, and generally wouldn’t enjoy seeing him so grumpy, but the whole situation was just too cute for her voice to not have at least a hint of glee. The little dragon had his sights set on Rarity from the moment they came to Ponyville, so ever since Sweetie Belle won him in the auction, the Castle of Friendship had been filled with the faint smell of brimstone and ash, telltale signs of a pouty dragon. Still, the fact that Sweetie had a crush on him made the situation so painfully adorable.

“I don’t want to,” Spike grumbled back, his arms crossed and looking away.

“Oh, don’t be like that,” Twilight replied as they drew closer to Carousel Boutique. “I bet you’re going to have a lot of fun! Just go in with an open mind, and who knows? You may actually enjoy it!” Twilight said, putting as much cheer into her voice as possible. All Spike did in reply was grumble, making Twilight roll her eyes.

“Look, I know you wanted a date with Rarity, but it was an auction, and you were given to Sweetie,” Twilight said, trying to sound comforting. “So please, be a good little dragon? For me?”

After a few moments of alicorn-powered puppy dog eyes, Spike sighed, and the corner of his lips turned upwards ever so slightly. “Fine. For you,” he grumbled. They finally reached the Boutique, and Spike jumped off of Twilight's back, his scowl returning as he glared at the door. Instead of going on a romantic date with the mare of his dreams he had to go with her annoying little sister.

Standing before his demise, Spike looked back at Twilight, who gave an encouraging nod. He sighed, steeled his nerves, and knocked on the door. Before he could get out a second knock, the door flew open. Sweetie Belle stood on the other side, trotting in place with pure excitement. She wore a light blue dress with a green sash around her midsection, and a matching bow atop her flank. Her curly purple mane was done up in a rather breathtaking fashion, and her dress was cinched around a delicious looking emerald on her chest that matched her eyes. It was obvious that Rarity had spared no expense or effort in making her little sister look amazing for her big date.

Despite his best efforts to maintain his grumpy demeanor, the beauty on display made Spike’s cheeks flame a bit. “H-hey Sweetie,” he said, “Ready to… go on our, uh….”

“Of course!” Sweetie Belle sang, wrapping her forelegs around Spike’s neck and nuzzling him affectionately. “I already have it all planned out!”

Just like that, his pout was back in full force. “Our faces are touching,” Spike mumbled, which made Twilight giggle yet again.

“Of course they are!” Sweetie exclaimed. “We’re on a date! Now, let's get going!” She chirped. Giving his face one last nuzzle, Sweetie trotting down the road with a skip in her step. Spike slapped his forehead. He looked to Twilight one last time for an exit of some sort, but she just winked and nodded her head in the direction Sweetie had gone. Letting out one last smoky snort, he trudged after the filly.

“Aww,” Twilight mumbled. “Those two make such a cute couple.”

“I heard that!” Spike cried from further down the street.

“I know,” she called, well aware of his sensitive draconic hearing. With one last giggle, she made her way back towards the castle.

Cheerilee swooned as Bulk Biceps recited a bit of Emily Hoofinson. She had always loved poetry, and the way the big, muscular stallion passionately recited the lines took it to an entirely new plane. The two of them sat under one of the many trees in the park. Bulk Biceps read from the little red book while he leaned against the tree, while Cheerilee laid on her side, enjoying the words the stallion spoke. The date had started off simple enough with a picnic in the park, remnants of food and drink laid around them as Cheerilee listened to Bulk’s reading.

She had chosen the book of poetry for Bulk to read to her—a collection of her favorite poems—and the large stallion was doing a magnificent job of reading each stanza. So much so that his words were sending shivers up and down her spine.

“That was magnificent, Mister Biceps,” Cheerilee said as Bulk came to the end of another poem. “I had no idea the heart of a poet beat under that… impressive physique.”

“Yeah!” Bulk shouted, flexing his forelegs to show their impressive size, leaving Cheerilee blinking in reaction, as a few birds flew from the tree in startled surprise. One second he was performing poetry with a master’s level of diction, and the next he was back to screaming one word and showing off his body. She just smiled and shook her head. This stallion was a conundrum that she was all too willing to figure out.

“Indeed,” she said, watching him flex some more. “But I must ask, how did you get into poetry? Forgive me for sounding ignorant, but I wouldn't have guessed a stallion like you would have such an... intellectual interest.” Cheerilee felt sorry for any pony with a white coat after that, for it was impossible for Bulk’s blush not to be noticed against his snow white fur.

“Heh, I, uh…” he scratched the back of his head as he spoke, looking down at her comparatively tiny body. “I used to read it to Featherweight whenever he was fussy or couldn’t fall asleep. I’d recite some Robert Trots or Langston Hooves, and it would soothe him,” Bulk said, his face getting even redder. “I-I hear he’s doing well in class, by the way. Thanks for taking good care of him!”

“He’s an excellent student,” she said with a smile. “A little timid at times, but very clever. You should be proud of him.”

Bulk’s face practically lit up at those words, showing off the pride only a father could possess. “Yeah!” He shouted again, getting to his hooves and flexing his arms once again, throwing out a few punches in sheer joy. “That’s my colt!”

Cheerilee giggled at his reaction. She loved seeing a parent’s eyes light up when she told them things like that. Though now a thought popped into her head, one that she probably should have considered a long time ago. “Mister Biceps…”

“Just Bulk is fine. We are on a date, after all,” he said, flashing her a smile. Cheerilee just smiled back, though her own smile was not as convincing.

“Yes, of course Bulk, but I’ve always wondered, where is Featherweight's mother?” Bulk’s joyville flexing came to an abrupt stop at that question, sitting back down quite abruptly, his smile vanishing before her, leaving just a neutral mask. “Oh, Bulk, I’m so sorry! That’s way too personal a question for a first date, and an auctioned one at that!”

“No, it's fine,” he said, giving her a weak smile. “Just haven’t thought of her in a long time.”

“I see. I’m so sorry for your loss, Bulk,” Cheerilee said, coming over to the large stallion and putting her hoof on his. “It must be so hard losing her and having to raise your son on your—”

“She left us,” he all but whispered

“Pardon?”

“She left us,” Bulk said, looking up at Cheerilee. She began to speak, but he silenced her with a hoof. “No, no, it’s... it’s okay. The pregnancy was very unplanned. We weren’t even married. She wanted to... ‘take care of it,’ but I begged and pleaded. Eventually, she agreed to carry him to term, but that was it. As soon as the hospital cleared her, she left. Haven’t heard from her since. Heh, there I was, a nineteen year old bodybuilder with a few hundred bits to my name, and a screaming colt to take care of.”

He sighed. “But, I made it work. I still make most of my money from building competitions and strong pony contests. For the off seasons, I serve in the Wonderbolt Reserves one weekend a month, I work part-time at the spa, and I’m sure you’ve seen me push my little snack nut cart around town!”

Despite herself, Cheerilee chuckled. “You seem like a very dedicated father.”

“Oh, he’s my world,” Bulk said. “It gets hard sometimes, yeah, but you know what?” He looked up at her with a warm smile. “Every now and then, Feathers will come home all excited, smile that buck-toothed grin of his, and gush about some cool thing he learned in your class, and... I don’t know. It’s all worthwhile. I wouldn’t change a thing.”

Before she even knew what she was doing, Cheerilee lunged forward and wrapped her forelegs around him—or at least as far as she could reach around his massive frame—in a hug.

“You’re a good stallion,” she whispered. She held him for several long seconds before pulling back and giving him a warm smile. “I don’t have any foals of my own. I like to think of all my little ponies as my children in a way, and I take great pleasure in seeing them grow and reach their potential. I would never presume to say it compares to the experience of an actual parent, but I’d like to think that, at the very least, I understand it. I do know what it’s like to care so deeply for a child that you would go through Tartarus itself for them.”

The two ponies held each other’s gaze for several endless seconds, sharing a comforting silence that said more than their words could. Finally, Bulk smiled. “I have you fast in my fortress, and will not let you depart. But put you down in the dungeon, in the round-tower of my heart.”

Cheerilee giggled. “You know your Longpony. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised by now.” She stood, taking a few steps away from him, but never tearing her eyes away. “Well, Mister Biceps, if I may be so bold,” she blushed hard, “Featherweight might not be too pleased to know his father is dating his teacher.”

He didn’t even hesitate. “He’ll get over it.”

“That stings!”

“Oh, it does not!”

“Yes, it does!”

Rarity rolled her eyes as her magic bandaged up Thunderlane’s broken hoof, still tender from punching Blueblood the night before. The stallion that had rescued her from certain doom—actually just a bit of public embarrassment from a petty, oafish stallion, but what was life without a little melodrama—was fidgeting at the slightest touch. The tingle of her magic alone made him start crying out in pain.

“Honestly darling, I am being as gentle as I can,” Rarity said, as bandages in the light blue aura of her magic wrapped around his hoof. The two of them sat in the kitchen at Carousel Boutique, medical supplies laying across the table as Rarity worked on his hoof.

“It still hurts!” He whined, not looking at Rarity as he spoke. “We pegasi don’t walk as much, and when we do it’s usually on soft clouds. Our hooves aren’t as tough as most ponies,” he complained, earning a giggle from Rarity.

“Oh, stop acting like such a foal! A bit hard to imagine that the gallant stallion who punched royalty to defend my honor would turn around and whine like a little colt with a boo-boo,” she said with a flirtatious smirk. She gathered a roll of measuring tape in her magic and tossed it at his head.

Thunderlane jumped at the impact, more from the shock than any actual pain, and glared at her. “Hey! That’s not fair!” he snapped back, but he was smiling as he did. “I can’t move, but you can throw stuff at me.” He leaned forward a bit. “You’re a terrible nurse, you know?”

Rarity cocked an eyebrow at him, a smirk spreading across her lips. “Is that so? Well then, how about this?” She leaned forward and kissed the tip of Thunderlane’s hoof. She felt the stallion stiffen under her as she did so, making her smirk grow bigger. “Does it still hurt?” she asked, looking up at him with a sultry gaze.

With his dark fur it was hard to make out, but Rarity could see the blush on his face, his eyes darting from his hoof to her lips. “Not as much.”

Rarity just giggled to herself, as she started to wrap his hoof up again; once a new layer of bandages were around his hoof, she leaned over and kissed his hoof again. She looked up at the stallion, seeing that still flustered expression of being taken off guard, trying to reclaim his cool. “And now?” she asked, her tone a bit more sultry than the situation called for, but she couldn't help it. He was just too cute when she teased him.

“Getting better,” he muttered, golden eyes flickering to her and away. “But, the pain moved…”

Rarity cocked an eyebrow at him, moving her lips from his hoof to wrap more tape around it. “Oh? And where might the pain be now?” she asked, trying to capture his golden orbs with her sapphire ones. She could visibly see Thunderlane swallow in nervousness as he used his uninjuged hoof to point at his cheek.

“Here.” Rarity just grinned, leaning forward she pressed her lips against his cheek, brushing her nose against his fur slightly and pulling away with a smile. Once again she could see the gears spinning in Thunderlane’s head, trying to process what had happened and what it all might lead to. Looking into her eyes, she could see his hoof shaking ever so slightly as he pointed to his lips. “Here” he said, his voice barely above a whisper as Rarity gently leaned in.

It was a slow kiss. Not a frenzied make-out, but a gentle, sensual kiss. One that, with just the soft press of their lips together, promised many more to come. The kind of kiss that held the beginning of things. It shouldn't have been possible to get so much across with such simple contact, but she certainly understood, and judging by the way Thunderlane relaxed into the kiss, he did, as well.

As she slowly pulled away, she tittered at how his head leaned towards her, chasing her soft lips. “And now?” Rarity asked, her voice low and smoky, eyes half lidded as she spoke.

“Y-yeah, I’m feeling… better,” he managed. Rarity giggled and went back to wrapping up his hoof, humming to herself. The somewhat dazed look on Thunderlane’s face was such a treat. Rarity could tell she was going to have a lot of fun with this stallion.

Gulp! Gulp! Gulp!

Braeburn was a stallion who loved working up a good sweat, and he was no stranger to exertion. He worked an orchard for a living, hauling apples and bucking trees from damn near sun-up to sun-down. Beyond even that, he loved to push himself physically. He had traveled through the deserts of Palomino with little water, fought bulls one on one, and had even run a full marathon on some of the most dangerous terrain in all of Equestria. Today, however, he had finally met his match. He currently stood in Fluttershy’s kitchen, gulping down a pitcher of water like it would be his last. He had nothing on, his hat and vest discarded some time ago. His mane was a complete mess, and his coat was covered in dry sweat.

“Celestia have mercy, these filly’s will be the death of me,” Braeburn breathed, filling the pitcher up again. After the auction, Fluttershy had taken him and Spitfire back to her cottage, and then... well, things had taken place that he dared not repeat out loud for fear of angering some ancient goddess of propriety. What those two mares were into was beyond what Braeburn had ever thought possible, but hot damn was it enjoyable. He began to take another greedy gulp when a voice echoed from upstairs.

“Oh Brae-Brae!” cooed Spitfire. “You better hurry up down there. I don’t think I can keep Mistress Shy busy without you for much longer...”

“Mmm, you’re going to love me,” said a deep, husky voice.

Braeburn grinned and shrugged. “Eh, suppose there’s worse ways to go.” He dropped the pitcher in the sink and ran back upstairs.

Chapter 9: Enjoy Your Prize! Part Three

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Knock knock knock

The bat pony mare fidgeted in her armor, taking a look around while she waited. The humble street was nondescript, mirroring nearly every road in the neighborhood. Cookie cutter buildings, identical lawns and layouts, and a complete and total lack of anything even remotely resembling creativity, or anything beyond basic functionality for that matter. There were no truer signals for military living quarters she could think of.

After nearly thirty seconds of silence, the mare looked up at the huge earth pony next to her, also bedecked in Royal Guard armor. He returned her befuddled gaze with one of his own. Turning back to the door, she cleared her throat. “Staff Sergeant Tweak?” she called out, giving the door several more firm knocks. “Are you currently home? This is Sergeant Midnight Dasher and Private Cupcake of the Royal M-P’s. We’re here—”

A clanging sound came from beyond the door, distant at first, but quickly growing louder, as if somepony was clearing wreckage out of the way. “Uh,” Midnight said, “w-we’re responding to several noise complaints from your neighbors. They reported a lot of shouting and things breaking, like somepony was having a—” the door exploded open, revealing a haggard earth pony—“fight.”

Instantly, alarm bells went off in the mare’s head. The staff sergeant was an utter mess. His mane was plastered to his skull by sweat. His body was marred by several angry bruises and a few abrasions that just didn’t quite bleed. Most notably, however, were the fat bottom lip and a slowly swelling right eye. However, for all his obvious physical injuries, the tan pony looked at them very nonplussed, bordering on annoyed. “What do you want, law dog?”

Blinking hard, Midnight drew up on herself. “Like we said, sergeant, your neighbors called us after a lot of loud and troubling noises. Apparently, they have been happening for the past few days.” She leaned slightly to the side and peeked at the apartment. She had seen the aftermath of battles that were cleaner than the interior. Nearly every item that wasn’t nailed down was on the floor, and what could be broken was. The pieces of meager furniture were scattered across the living room at random. Her heart jumped a beat when she noted several dents and two outright holes in the drywall. Having been a military police officer for several years, she knew these signs. She looked back to the bedraggled Tweak. “Sergeant, is everything... alright?”

Tweak arched an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

Midnight took a deep breath. She knew that stallions often had a hard time admitting it and asking for help when this sort of thing happened to them, so she ignored the urge to reach out for him or show anything that he might interpret as pity. “What I mean is... are you safe?”

Before Tweak could respond, a shrill voice boomed from deeper inside the apartment. “Hey, limp dick! Get your ass back in here!”

Tweak looked back over his shoulder at whomever was shrieking. “I’m coming, ya fat cow!”

“Yeah?! Well I’m not, and that’s a ‘you’ problem!”

“Calm your crotch tits, woman!”

“Then get back here and make me, ya two-pump chump!”

A deep shudder ran through Tweak as he turned back to face Midnight, a goofy grin on his lovestruck face. “Dear Celestia, I love that filly.” He then promptly slammed the door in her face.

Silence once more reigned on the porch. “So,” Cupcake said, “Case closed! Doughnuts?”

Midnight grunted, pinching the bridge of her nose as she swore she heard a piece of her very soul dying in agony. “Two years and out, two years and out...”

“Hey, Flash,” Twilight said, looking over her shoulder. “Come check out this one!”

Flash Sentry turned and walked to the opposite side of the “aisle” they were on. The outdoor marketplace was structured like an actual library, with long rows of tables bearing all sorts of old or forgotten tomes. Even despite the open air, the smell of old parchment and slightly moldy paper was noticeable in the air. Still, the moment they had arrived at the Hoofston Open Air Book Fair, he knew he’d made the right choice for their date. “Kid in a candy store” didn’t nearly describe the almost manic look in Twilight’s eyes when she saw the seemingly endless rows of books as their chariot had begun its descent.

He made his way to where she stood, admiring a heavily worn book adorned with faded text in a language completely forgein to his untrained eye. “What did you find?”

“Oh, nothing,” she said, though her ear-to-ear grin betrayed her feelings. “Just a first edition reprint of Clover the Clever’s Treatises on Earth Pony Magic!” She looked back to the ancient book with what looked like actual twinkling stars in her eyes. “This was the first major thaumatalogical collaboration between the tribes post-Unification! It laid the foundation for all inter-tribal thaumatic studies to follow! It’s one of the most important books in history!”

Despite not having an earthly clue as to what Twilight was talking about, Flash couldn’t help a flutter in his chest at her earnest enthusiasm. It honestly reminded him of the time his little brother went to his first school book fair and discovered the old Hoofbumps books that Flash had read as a kid. “Wow, that sounds like quite the find!”

“It is!” she squealed. “Oh, Flash, I can’t believe you chose this place for our date! With all the insanity surrounding the auction, I had completely forgotten this was going on this weekend!”

“Yeah, well,” Flash said, cheeks flaming, “I-I knew I wanted to go somewhere that would play into your legendary love of books.” He chuckled at the slight pout she gave him. “Though I felt that no matter how much you love to read, a library isn’t exactly a ‘happening’ place for a date.”

“Hmm, I don’t know,” she said. “Whenever the Canterlot Grand Archives would get new shipments of reference guides, it got pretty hectic. A few times, we even hit thirty-five decibels!”

“Hehehe, wow,” Flash said. “Sounds like quite the swinging party there, Prince—” he chuckled, shaking his head and lifting a hoof— “I mean, Twilight.”

She laughed. “We’ll break you of that habit eventually, Corporal.” She winked. He blushed.

“Eventually? Why Princess Twilight, y-you make it sound like... well, like this may not be a one time engagement.”

For several moments, she looked him over, her face positively glowing from heat. “I, uh... I haven’t decided yet.” She then blinked, quirking her eyebrows. “Um, did you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“I don’t know. It sounded like a... a growl?” They both scanned the area around them. Despite the surprisingly large turnout for such a niche event, they found themselves relatively isolated from any groups or crowds. In fact, there was no one on their aisle as far as Flash could see. Twilight shook her head. “Must have been my imagination.”

Flash shrugged and stepped to take a closer look at the book. This brought him shoulder to shoulder with her, and he swore he felt an electric tingle as their fur rubbed together and she did not pull away. Clearing his throat, he leaned in and took in the ancient tome. More specifically, the price tag. He let out a low whistle. “Okay, I know chivalry dictates that I buy this for you, but that price seems more ‘Royal Stipend’ than ‘Corporal’s paycheck’.”

Twilight let out a very undignified giggle-snort—Sweet Celestia, she even laughs adorkably—and picked up the book with her magic, gently placing it in her saddlebag. “Don’t worry about it, Flash. I’m more than happy to use my own money to feed my... legendary love of books,” she said with a slight waggle of her eyebrows.

“Heh, fair enough.” The pair began walking further down the aisle. After two hours of browsing, Twilight’s saddlebags were nearly bulging with new purchases. He, on the other hoof, had only picked up three books: a collection of Iron Mareden guitar tablatures, the latest book in the Agent Bentgrass series from Douglas Hayton and Lincoln Foal, and a worn copy of A Higher Call by Adam Haykos.

As they walked, Flash daringly allowed himself to meander closer to her side. When their shoulders made contact, she again made no move to separate. “Though, I would assume you already know most of the stuff in that book. Heh, not trying to stroke your ego or anything, but you are famously a genius.”

Twilight blushed fiercely and giggled. “W-well yes, all the findings in the book are taught in high school-level thaumaturgy classes, but it’s less about the learning and more about the experience. Actually holding a piece of history. Granted, this reprint was made centuries after Clover had passed, but the things he learned were so instrumental in most magical studies that followed that even owning a reprint feels like touching history itself, you know?”

“I’ll take your word for it,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck with a wing. “I’m, uh, more a fiction kind of pony, with some military history mixed in.” He sputtered a bit when she arched her eyebrow and shot him a somewhat accusatory smirk. “B-but I have been looking for an excuse to expand my horizons!” His next words were a risk, he knew, but judging by the playful glint in her eyes, it was a calculated one. “And I, uh... I think I may have found it.”

After another round of blushing, Twilight opened her mouth, but only let out a quiet yelp as a clattering sound came from behind them. They both whirled around, and saw that an entire row of books from a nearby table had fallen to the ground, though there wasn’t another pony within a dozen meters of them.

Flash spoke up. “Okay, even I heard that one.” His eyes and ears scanned the surrounding area, Guard training kicking in as he tried to identify the potential threat to his Princess. “I didn’t feel any wind or anything. Did you—” Hoofsteps from behind them. Both ponies spun around, and gasped.

Princess Cadance slowly approached them, steps careful and even, and a serene smile plastered on her face. A very serene smile, one Flash was quite familiar with. Having worked around the Crystal Princess for a few years, he could easily spot her “political smile,” the one she wore around bloviating dignitaries she wanted nothing more than to kick out of the throne room minus a few teeth.

Twilight was the first to find her voice. “Cadance!” Admittedly, it was a very strained voice. “What... are you doing here? W-while I’m on my... date.” She gave a very forcible nod towards Flash, who was still trying to decide if he should be annoyed or bowing.

Cadance let out a melodious giggle, one so dangerous that it made Flash’s hackles raise in a mix of fear and nerves. “Oh, Twilight, you can relax. I’m not here to meddle or play matchmaker or anything like that. Heh, not that you two seem to need it,” she said in a much more relaxed tone.

“Well, then why are you here, Your Highness?” Flash said through a blush.

Once more, that tight, “I-am-going-to-commit-violence-in-approximately-three-seconds” smile graced her features. “I truly am sorry for interrupting, but there’s just one little thing I need to... handle.” Her horn glowed, and a tiny bolt of magical energy lanced between them.

“Eeyouch!”

Both Flash and Twilight whirled around at the pained cry... to see Shining Armor shimmer into existence about five feet behind them. He was frantically rubbing at a little scorch mark on his shoulder, but upon seeing his now quite visible hoof, his head jerked upwards, eyes wide.

“Shiny?!”

“Captain?!”

After the barest second of shocked hesitation, Shining Armor plasted his version of a “political smile” on his face... though his was much less convincing than Cadance’s. There was a reason why she was the Empire’s face and he was just the muscle. “Uh... h-hey, Twily! I-I was just, uh...” His words died as a shadow loomed over him.

Princess Cadance had stepped forward, slowly marching in between Flash and Twilight. Though the muscular stallion was ever-so-slightly taller than his wife, the pure malice radiating off of her made him seem like a colt in comparison. She still smiled, though there was now a razor’s edge in her eyes, a near-deadly intent that could have peeled paint from a wall and curdled milk. “Shiny... sweetheart?” Much like her eyes, her tone was so sharp that Flash could have shaved with it. She now stood before the cowed captain, who seemed to be writing his last will and testament in his head as his beloved wife glared into his very soul. “Let’s go home.”

Flash was honestly impressed that all Shining Armor did was gulp and quiver. A lesser trained stallion would have either wet himself or fainted. “Uh... y-y-yes, dear,” he squeaked. He gazed into her blazing eyes for several long seconds before shaking his head and casting a much better “political smile” at his sister. “Y-you guys have fun!” His eyes then flicked to Flash, and a smouldering scowl began to take shape on his face. “But not too much ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!” He squealed in pain as Cadance’s magic yanked on his ear and dragged him away, most likely to the Royal Couch for a few nights.

As the pair walked/was dragged away, Twilight turned back to Flash. The look she gave him may one day become a “political smile.” For now, it just shouted of awkwardness. “Uh... A-ha-ha-ha-ha!” She waved her foreleg through the air several times, a sort of “aw, shucks” gesture as her eyes screamed of embarrassment. “I... am so sorry! This is probably the most embarrassing thing to happen to me since grade school!”

Flash let out an easy chuckle, lifting a hoof to place on her shoulder. In the back of his mind, he squee’d at how natural the contact now felt. “It’s okay Twilight, really. In all honesty, I... kind of expected something like this. I mean, I am dating my captain’s little sister.”

After a moment, Twilight once more giggled that adorkable giggle that made his heart skip a beat every time, though very quickly, her face began to heat once more. “O-oh, dating. Not ‘on a date,’ but we’re actually dating now, are we?” Though her face burned, her eyes were much more confident than they had been before she regarded him. “Why Corporal Sentry, y-you speak as if this may not be a one time engagement.”

As she blushed, Flash looked at her—her glowing face, fiercely intelligent eyes, and playful smirk—and felt himself emboldened enough to step towards her and take her hoof in his and look into those sparkling lavender eyes. “Well, I, uh... I-I haven’t decided yet.”

Luck wasn’t really a thing one could quantify, but had there been some kind of empirical standard by which it could be measured, Time Turner was sure he would be burying the needle. Here he stood in his rather spacious living room, surrounded by the many time pieces he had collected and restored over the years—though most were turned off so as to not drown the house in endless ticking, even if he found it somewhat soothing—showing off his passion and life’s work to the exceedingly beautiful mare that had won him in the recent auction. Why one as gorgeous as her would pay good bits for a date with him was a mystery, but never look a gift mule in the mouth and all that.

“Now this,” he said as he approached the crown jewel of his collection, “is my most prized possession. An authentic Flank Ketterer cuckoo clock! If it seems a bit simple, that’s because it was one of the first ever made!” He lovingly ran his hoof along the pendulums and counterweights hanging from the bottom. “It’s over three-hundred years old!”

“Oh, really?” came the somewhat mumbled reply.

“Yes!” he all but squeaked. “Restored it myself! I found it in a flea market down in Brumbyshire, can you believe that?! The poor dear had no idea what she had. I almost felt bad taking it from her at such a low cost, but when opportunity arises, one must—”

“Um, Mister Turner?”

He blinked, then blushed furiously, silently cursing himself. He turned back around to see Derpy standing in the middle of the workshop, her drifting eyes scanning the culmination of his life’s work with a look he sadly knew all too well.

Taking a moment to collect himself, he smiled. “Uh, just Time is fine. Heh, I guess I have been going on, haven’t I? Sorry. When I’m nervous I tend to get a bit... rambly,” he said, rubbing a hoof across the back of his neck.

Her eyes fell back on him, though the left one almost immediately began to drift. “Oh, it’s fine. I just wanted to make sure of something. Your introduction at the auction said you were a scientist? And that you had a PhD?”

“Indeed!” he chirped, hopes and mood lifted by her question. Maybe she was still interested after all. “PhD in Thaumatic Field Theory, graduated Summa Cum Laude from Hocksford University. Even got a BS in Mechanical Engineering while I was at it!”

“And... now you make clocks?”

“Heh, yes. It is quite odd the paths life leads us down. I spent all of two years at a research lab in Trottingham before I accepted that it wasn’t for me. Too much stress, not enough tangible results of my hard work, you see.” Time shuddered at the mere memory of his nightmarish stint in academia. “In the end, I decided to up and quit. Mucked around for a bit, but eventually fell back to my beloved hobby. From studying time to telling time, as it were,” he said with a grin.

For just a few moments, he thought that maybe there was hope for him and Derpy as she spun in a slow circle, scanning his life’s work. However, once she faced back to him, the simple look of disinterest in her odd eyes told him otherwise. “Now, one more question, and please don’t take this the wrong way, but... all you do is make clocks?”

A great deal of wind was knocked out of his sails. He also knew that tone of voice. It was one he had heard from a few mares in his day, though Derpy’s wasn’t laden with disdain, but more... disappointment? He was losing her, but also a slight rush of irritation flowed through him. “Yes. Well, and restore them, of course. I like to think it’s a rather noble profession. S-Sure, it may not be as flashy as being in the Royal Guard or some place in higher education, but I think it can be argued that now more than ever, we plan our very lives around the clock! In fact, I think that you... y-you...” Upon really taking in the look in her eyes—well, the one that was looking at him, anyway—Time let out a heavy breath, his shoulders slumping and gaze falling to the ground. “You’re... not interested anymore.”

“Oh, no, no!” Derpy said, though very quickly she sighed. “Well, no. I mean yes, no. Or, no which... ugh.” She ran a hoof through her messy mane, then looked at him, this time with both eyes, at least for a few moments. “No, I’m not interested, but I swear it’s not anything you did! It’s me!”

“Yes,” he sighed, “I heard that one before.”

“I’m serious!” After a moment, Time felt her approach, and then felt her hoof gently lift his face to see hers, and the genuinely regretful smile she wore. “Look, when I saw you up on that stage, you... reminded me of somepony. Somepony I met a long time ago, and because of that I unfairly assumed things about you.”

Despite his soured mood, his curiosity had been piqued. “How so?”

“Well, because of that other guy, I had thought you would have been a bit more—” Her eyes scanned the ceiling, naturally in opposite directions, as she searched for the word— “boisterous, and... and lively! The kind of pony who lived his life at a mile a minute, and was always on the go, looking for something new and exciting.” She turned her head away and mumbled, “The kind of pony who would take me on a whirlwind adventure through time and space like he said he would after ‘a quick five minute jaunt around the moon and back,’ only to never return.”

“I-I’m sorry, what was that last bit?”

“Oh! Uh...” Derpy gingerly rubbed her hoof across the back of her neck. “Heh, n-never mind. The point, Time, is that you’re not the kind of pony I was looking for. Not because you are somehow uninteresting or inferior, I swear! But because I wasn't really looking for a stallion, but one specific stallion.” She gently placed a hoof on his shoulder. “I hope you understand.”

As Time Turner mulled over her words, he desperately wanted to be depressed or offended. However, the sheer sincerity in her voice—not to mention the genuine regret in her wonky eyes—prevented him from really getting upset. Instead, he sighed, and gave her a sad smile. “It’s alright, I suppose. I mean, heh, at least you were up front about it. Better to cut it off now than waste both our time with something you know isn’t going to work, right?”

“Yeah,” she said. A few long, awkward moments of silence followed. Apparently, she was just as lost and confused as he was after all. Finally, she smiled at him. “Well, I supposed I should be going. Listen, Mister... Time, I’m being honest when I say that you are a very interesting stallion. And pretty handsome to boot!” She giggled, probably at the slight blush he feelt work across his face. “I have no doubt that someday very soon you are going to find the perfect mate for you.”

“Ah, I’m sure I will,” Time said, mustering up a bemused smile. “I mean, I live my life surrounded by clocks,” he said, gesturing to the multitude of clocks lining the walls. “I’ve got all the time in the world!”

The two giggled, a genuine and shared moment of levity breaking the tension that had filled his living room. Once they had finally calmed down, Derpy looked at him and held out a hoof, a genuinely friendly gaze in her wandering eyes. “No hard feelings?”

It only took Time a few seconds to return her look and bump the proffered hoof. “No. No hard feelings. Oh, and this stallion you’re looking for? I, uh... I-I hope you find him someday.”

Derpy giggled. “Honestly? I’m pretty sure he’ll find me eventually. See you around town, Mister Turner.”

“It would be a pleasure any day, Miss Hooves,” he said with a slight bow as she walked out of the room.

By the time he heard the front door gently shut, Time had already returned to his workbench. The various innards of a Tinker Tenor Model G-4 grandfather clock lay across the surface, a cleaning and tuning job from a client in Canterlot. He sighed as he reached for his loupe, a soft breeze tickling the back of his neck. He was disappointed, of course. Miss Hooves was exceptionally beautiful, in her own unique kind of way. While her... odd rejection stung, in the end it had cost him nothing. His ear flicked at the growing gust of air behind him. Mares may be one of life’s great mysteries, but he always found solace in the regularity and reliability of a good time piece. Even as the wind picked up, he...

Wait...

Wind? In his living room?

As if on cue with his realization, a distant whooshing sound came from seemingly nowhere yet from all around him, growing louder and louder. Time had to squint against the inexplicable wing as he spun around, the sour, somewhat acrid taste of magic on the back of his tongue. A dark... something began to take shape before him, seemingly out of nowhere. He stumbled backwards as the thing, now obviously a bright blue box of some kind, slowly grew in opacity until he could no longer see the other side of his living room. Then, with a final whoosh, and the ringing of some kind of cloister bell, the impossible wind petered out.

Now able to open his eyes, Time gently slapped himself across the cheek to confirm if he was dreaming or not. A large blue box, maybe one-point-five meters across on all sides, dominated his living room, the light bulb on top just a hair beneath his ceiling. The words, Police - Public Call Box adorned the one door he could see. After a few eternal seconds, Time took one ginger step forward, only to leap back as the door of the box swung open, and a very familiar looking brown stallion stumbled out, along with a large plume of white smoke.

“Ah, there we are!” The impossible stallion said, having spun back around to look at his box, his spiky brown mane falling across the back of his neck. “Terribly sorry about that, Derpy! The engines went out of phase a lot more than I thought. I managed to spin right through a nest of Tylurian nova mites before I was able to get the old girl back in sync with the time vortex. Had to skim past two supermassive black holes to scrape off the little buggers. Did quite a number on the paint job, but ah!” He slapped the side of the box with a hoof. “Tardis can fix that in a jiff. Now I am... I...” The stallion finally seemed to note his surroundings, slowly spinning around and gazing at the ceiling. “I am... indoors for some reason. Maybe the targeting circuits are—”

The stallion finally turned around, and his blue eyes locked with Time’s blue eyes. He was sure that no matter how much confusion he could see in this strange pony’s eyes, it was dwarfed by what he was feeling. “W-What?” Time squeaked.

“What?” the stallion said, taking a single step to his left.

“W..w-wha...” Time mumbled, taking his own step to the right.

“What?!” he cried, taking a large step backwards.

Time gulped and did the same. “What... w-who are—”

“Wait,” the stallion said, eyes narrowing. He took a hesitant step forward, which Time for some reason he felt compelled to do in turn. “You’re not...” As the two came almost face to face, the inexplicable copy of Time Turner gasped loudly, his eyes going wide. “Oh, you are! Oh, I am very good!” He let out a loud whoop and raced back to his blue box, smacking a rear hoof along the side. “I knew it! This template had to come from somewhere! You don’t just fall through a crack in the universe and blammo get a new body created for you! There must have been some sort of latent psychic connection between the two of us, opposite sides of the same string! Then when I ended up here, my body had to conform with the law of the land, so my time stream just sort of filled in the gaps. I haven’t had time to really look into it too much yet. See I was being chased by a Judoon light cruiser about a relative week ago, and for no good reason! The Princess of Arabaxia Prime Seven asked me to nick that hard drive containing the access codes to their entire nth metal arsenal! Well... implied it, anyway. Well, inferred. Hinted. But it was a very heavy handed hint, so you can see...”

The stallion seemed to finally remember that he was actually talking to somepony. “Oh, terribly sorry! Where are my manners?” He approached and held out a hoof. “I’m the Doctor.”

“Uh,” Time Turner let his gaze fall to the proffered hoof for only a second, fearful that if he took his eyes off this stallion, he may vanish. “Doctor... who?”

The Doctor let out a bark of laughter and clapped his hooves together. “Brilliant! Over nine hundred years and I still love it when they say that! But anyway, look at you!” He lunged forward faster than Time could react and took both his cheeks in his hooves. “Look at lovely old you! Oh, wait,” he said, withdrawing his hands as if burnt and stepping back. “Probably shouldn’t maintain contact too long. Wouldn’t want to risk burning out the connection and having my body disintegrate until it can find a new template. Oh, would that count as a regeneration? Only have two of those left.”

Eyes suddenly filling with a deep emotion Time couldn’t place, the Doctor stared into nothing for a few moments before shaking his head and once more smiling at him. “Anyway, have you seen a grey pegasus mare by any chance? Messy mane, wonky eyes, kind of adorable in a puppy dog sort of way? Told her I’d be back in five minutes, but judging by the taste of the air—” He held up a hoof for a moment, then licked it— “I’d say it’s been closer to ten years. Whoopsie-do!”

Brain not having fully rebooted yet, Time just managed to lift a hoof, pointing towards the front door. “You... you just missed her.”

“Really?” the Doctor said. “Hmm, didn't think the targeting scanner was that far out of sync. Wait, no, what’s today?”

“Tuesday,” Time said slowly.

“Ah, that explains it,” he said, nodding his head. “Never could get the hang of Tuesdays. I mean, who cares about Tuesdays? It’s not the beginning of the week, nor the middle or the end. It’s just sort of... there. Bland, dull. Almost as bad as Sundays. Anyway!”

The Doctor strode back towards his blue box. “I suppose I’ll just have to catch her next time ‘round, so I’ll get out of your hair now. No, wait! Mane,” he said with a giggle. “Sorry, still getting used to the lingo.” He threw open the door, but stopped halfway through, spinning around to face Time Turner. “Oh, by the way, be sure and write your dad next Thursday congratulating him on winning his bridge tournament. He deserves it, too. Lucky Brake is a dirty cheater. Anyway, allons-y and all that!” He flashed one more winning smile at Time, then closed the door. Seconds later, the wind and the whooshing returned, and within moments the impossible blue box had faded into nothing, leaving Time Turner alone in his living room once more.

A deep sigh escaped him as he ran a hoof across his face. “I have got to move out of this town.”

Rainbow Dash was not freaking out. No, ma’am.

Sure, she may have spent the last ten minutes pacing in front of Chez le Fillie, heart racing like a Wonderbolts derby and her teeth alternating between grinding and chewing on her bottom lip, but she was most definitely not freaking out. Freaking out is what lame ponies did. The type of ponies who worried about every single little detail, who wasted time analyzing and planning. Not awesome ponies who jumped headfirst into danger, who soared through the sky at supersonic speeds. Ponies like her. So she wasn’t “freaking out.” She was just...

She was...

Letting out a little growl, Rainbow made a mental note to ask Twilight for a cooler phrase than “freaking out.” For now, she simply plopped her rump back on the bench outside the humble restaurant and once more checked the clock mounted on City Hall, sighing when it said that it hadn’t been a minute since last she checked. A cool breeze relieved the blush on her cheeks that had set in when she arrived ten minutes ago, fifteen minutes prior to the arranged time of six in the evening. Rainbow couldn’t remember a single time in her life when she had shown up early for anything except Wonderbolt shows and Daring Do book releases. The sun was just setting, so while the street lamps had turned on, she at least had a pretty evening sky to look at as her mind raced.

Throughout the time between the end of the auction and their appointed date, Rainbow had been near giddy. On the inside, of course. She had won, achieved her goal, and in addition to that internal satisfaction, she would get to enjoy her prize: a date with the most eligible bachelor in Ponyville. The one stallion most mares in town, as well as a few other stallions, wanted to get their hooves on. A stoic, strong, and handsome stallion... that she didn’t really know all that well.

Yeah, Rainbow had been best friends with Applejack for years, so she had seen Big Mac all the time on the farm, not to mention throughout town, but beyond being drop dead gorgeous and “the silent type,” she was having trouble recalling many details about him. What kind of music did he like? Country, probably. What was his favorite book? Had he even read a Daring Do book?! She didn’t know what she would do if they didn’t share that! Come to think of it... did they share any interests at all? They had to if they were gonna work, right? Her parents had bonded over a love of sports—her a cheerleader, and him a rising hoofball star until his injury—but she could also remember them doing all sorts of things together, like cooking. Wait, Mac lived on the farm, so he was probably a good cook, right? Rainbow could burn cereal!

Ugh, what had she been thinking?! She had spent almost three months worth of wages on a stallion she knew about as well as Twilight knew the inside of a gym! Sure, Spitfire had fronted her the bits, but while Rainbow hadn’t seen hide nor hair of her captain since the auction—or Fluttershy, come to think of it—she had no doubt that she was going to pay every single bit owed via some form of punishment. And for what? A stallion she had said maybe a dozen words to in her life, and probably heard less than that back from?!

Jumping up from her seat, Rainbow began to pace again. Maybe this was a bad idea. She didn’t really know anything about Mac! Okay, so she knew that he was really easy to get along with, the kind of guy that would listen to her talk for hours, but could he keep up with her in a race? And yeah, he was always there for his family and never let them down, and loyalty was definitely something she could recognize and appreciate, but could he name any Wonderbolt not on the current roster? And maybe he had a strong presence—not just physically, but in nearly every sense of the word—that made her feel like she could relax and not have to worry about always looking cool, but would he enjoy a Daring Do convention? And sure, having a stallion that cool would make her more cool by proxy, but could he have—

“Miss Dash?”

Every muscle in Rainbow’s body tensed almost painfully, and her train of thought skidded right off the rails. That low, soothing baritone that called out from behind her sounded just as laconic and easygoing as ever, but she could hear a slight tremble, one that seemed to vibrate perfectly in time with her racing heartbeat. Casting an eye towards Town Hall, she saw it was six. On the dot. He had arrived exactly when he said he would. Right, he was reliable, too. Using every ounce of ‘bolts training she could muster, Rainbow slowed her breathing, threw on what she hoped would be her famous cocky smirk, and spun around... only for her artificial smirk to melt into a genuine warm smile, cheeks tinged with just a tinge of heat.

“Big” Macintosh Apple stood just in front of the restaurant’s front door, maybe five feet away. He wasn’t dressed up, thank Celestia, but he had removed his trademark yoke, and even from this distance she could pick up faint traces of some kind of cologne which mixed quite well with his family’s usual scent of apples and earth. His muscular body was as solid as ever, but there was a noticeable bit of nervousness in his eyes that, when combined with how he had neatly combed his mane to the side, gave this massive draft pony the appearance of a frightened school colt. He was smiling at her around a single tulip held in his mouth.

For some reason she could not fathom, and didn’t really care to, the sight of him standing there with just the right mix of confidence and anxiety to be adorable washed away the nerves that had been screaming at her not five seconds ago. Still smiling, she let out a little snort and said, “You know, I’m not exactly a ‘flowers’ type of mare.”

“I know that,” he said, slowly approaching her.

“Then why bring one?”

“Well—” he took the short stemmed flower out of his mouth and boldly leaned in towards her— “my daddy once told me that if a stallion don’t bring a pretty mare a flower on the first date, he's either a plum fool, or his heart ain’t in it.” Having placed the tulip gently behind her ear, he pulled back and looked her right in the eye.

Rainbow looked back hard, scanning those lovely green eyes for any hint of reservation or insincerity. She found none. “Well, we know from the auction that you’re no fool, so...” Tearing her gaze away from him, she turned to appraise her appearance in the reflection of the restaurant’s window. The only time in her life she had willingly put flowers in her mane was at Princess Cadance and Shining Armor’s wedding, and that had only been because Rarity had threatened to kidnap her and paint her hooves bright pink if she didn’t. Now, however, as she looked at herself with that lone tulip behind her ear—and felt the nearby presence of the stallion that placed it there—Rainbow let out a single chuckle. “Hmm,” she said, cocking her head to the side just a hair. “Yeah, I could make this look good.” She turned back to Mac and winked. “Come on. I’m buying drinks, you’re buying dinner.” With that, she brushed past him and walked inside, but not before giving his nose just a tiny flick with her tail. Once more, that smooth, low baritone voice behind her chuckled.

“Yes, ma’am.”

Ponyville Bachelor Auction

by Captain Unstoppable

Chapter 1: Take a Bite out of that Apple

Chapter 2: The Living Nightmare of Big Macintosh

Chapter 3: Mare Talk

Chapter 4: Let's Meet Our Stallions!

Chapter 5: Backstage Flirtation

Chapter 6: The Secret Talents of Those Stallions Part 1

Chapter 6: The Secret Talents of those Stallions Part 2

Chapter 6: The Secret Talents of those Stallions Part 3

Chapter 7: Sexy and the Mares Know It

Chapter 8: Bidding Wars Part 1

Chapter 8:Bidding Wars Part. 2

Chapter 8: Bidding Wars Part 3

Chapter 9: Enjoy Your Prize! Part One

Chapter 9: Enjoy your Prize! Part Two

Chapter 9: Enjoy Your Prize! Part Three