Wherein Rainbow Dash Dies
Rainbownomicon
A layer of clouds stretched out below Rainbow Dash, providing a fluffy blanket over Ponyville. The sun shone onto the hovering pegasus's back. Rainbow stretched her legs in midair, then with a whoop, she dove into the clouds.
Rainbow sped through the solid white mass, ripped it open behind her, and let the sun shine onto the town below. She pulled up, spiraled above the parting clouds, and dove back down. She drove her body hard through the white blindness again and again, crisscrossing the sky.
On one last climb she barrel rolled over and over, then fell backwards into the clouds before leveling off. The crosswinds from her previous passes buffeted the pegasus to and fro, pushing her course wildly across the town. Clarity and opaqueness alternated in her vision while she broke up cloud after cloud in her wake.
"Wait a second," Rainbow said, flying at full speed. "Which way am I go—"
---
Twilight Sparkle flew just above the ground, following Applejack's gallop towards the base of the mountain. As she arrived on the scene, Twilight landed and slowed to a trot. She walked across the dew-covered grass in the shade of the mottled clouds above.
"Here she is, Twilight," Applejack said. "Just like I told you."
Rarity and Pinkie Pie stood around Fluttershy, who was kneeling on the grass clutching Rainbow's body. "Rainbow..." Fluttershy sobbed.
Twilight stood next to the pair. "Oh no... what happened?"
Pinkie sniffled. "Rainbow Dash was flying like zoom, then she went into a cloud like whoom, and then she hit the mountain like splat! And now she's... she's..." Tears formed in her eyes.
Twilight looked at Rainbow's limp form in Fluttershy's hooves. "She's dead." Twilight's ears perked up. "She's dead! This is great! I get to save her!"
Pinkie snatched Rainbow's body away from Fluttershy and shook it in Twilight's face. "How can you save her?! Dashie's neck doesn't bend like this!"
The other living ponies averted their gaze. Twilight elaborated: "No, you see, I've recently found a book that describes a ritual that can bring ponies back from the dead. And now I get to try it out! This is perfect!" She bounced in circles. "Rainbow's dead! Rainbow's dead!"
Immediately, Twilight found four of her friends in her face. Rainbow Dash flopped to the grass.
"You can save her?!" Fluttershy said.
"Make her alive again?" Pinkie asked.
"Shoot, Twilight, do it!" Applejack added.
Twilight backed up a few steps. "It'll take a few days to prepare the ritual, so we need to take care of Rainbow Dash's body until then. Oooh, I can't wait!" She looked around. "Fluttershy, help me carry her up to that cloud. It should preserve her for the time being."
A minute later, Fluttershy gently set Rainbow's body on top of the cloud and carefully covered it up with the fluffy mass. "Okay, Rainbow," she said, "just stay here and Twilight will make you all better, okay?"
Rainbow didn't answer.
The alicorn and pegasus landed back by their friends. "There," Twilight said, leading the other ponies back towards town. "Now it's just a matter of getting the appropriate material components, double-checking the patterns, and—"
A sound not unlike hair rubbing against cloud interrupted her train of thought. The ponies turned around just in time to see Rainbow fall out the bottom of the cloud and hit the ground beneath it.
Twilight ran her hoof down her face. "Change of plans. Applejack, get a tarp."
---
Twilight walked around her basement, checking and double-checking her spell setup. A single table lamp in the corner illuminated the room, throwing hard shadows across the floor. The floor had a five-pointed star in a circle with six unlit candles in a silver holder at each point. The ceiling boasted a seven-pointed star with a single candle hanging by a brass chain from each point. Magical runes lined the outside of both circles. Twilight put her nose in the book she was levitating, silently mouthing an incantation.
She looked up at her assembled friends. "All right, I think everything's ready. We just need to place Rainbow at the center of the circle and stand back while I cast it. This'll be so great!" She clapped her forehooves.
Applejack dragged a large trunk to the edge of the circle and opened it.
"This seems just so... disrespectful," Rarity said, "keeping her in a tiny box for a week."
Applejack hefted Rainbow's body out of the trunk and set it in the magic circle. "Well, it was all we had to stick her in on short notice."
"But did you really have to drag her down the stairs like that?" Rarity waved her forehoof in Applejack's general direction. "It would be dreadful for Rainbow Dash to be returned to life covered in bruises."
Applejack brushed herself off and adjusted her hat. "I didn't see you offering to help carry her."
"Girls!" Twilight shouted, tossing the book aside. "Can we stop arguing? Just move the trunk away and stand back."
Applejack set the trunk against the wall. She, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie stood behind Twilight Sparkle.
With a flash of magic, the lamp went out. With another, the candles lit. Princess Twilight Sparkle took a breath. Her horn lit up.
"O great spirits of darkness, keeper of the stars and the infinite black betwixt..."
Blue flames flickered around the edge of the circle. Twilight's magic took on an identical tinge.
"...this pegasus hath left us before her time and is lost in thy domain. I beseech thee, restore her air to her lungs, her blood to her heart, and her spark to her mind. Return Rainbow Dash's soul to her mortal coil, so that it may fly free once again!"
The flames shot from floor to ceiling. A thin strand of fire leapt from Twilight's horn to the howling, swirling inferno contained within the magic circle. The candles' flames were overwhelmed by the magical power and extinguished. The blue fire blew itself out, leaving the room in darkness. Twilight turned on the lamp.
The body stirred.
Fluttershy took a hesitant step forwards. "Did... did it work?" she asked. "Is that really Rainbow?"
The body stood up, stretched, and let out a long yawn. It smacked its lips and scratched its belly.
"Yup," Applejack said, her face flat. "That's Rainbow, all right."
"Rainbow!" Fluttershy pounced on her, shortly followed by the others.
"Whoa, hey guys!" Rainbow Dash said, squirming her way out from under the pile. "I feel like I just had the most amazing nap."
"Silly Dashie, you were dead for, like, a week!" Pinkie said. "Then Twilight brought you back to life!"
"She revived me?" Rainbow laughed and threw her forelegs around Twilight. "You just got, like, twice as awesome!" Rainbow's stomach growled and she extracted herself from the group hug. "All this back-to-life stuff has been hard work. Who wants to get something to eat?"
She turned around, and her head flopped to the side. Rainbow reached a hoof up to right it. "Whoops. Didn't use to do that before."
Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Hm, come to think of it, the book didn't mention anything about repairing her neck. I assume it'll heal eventually. I'll think about it over lunch."
The ponies made their way outside. "What do you think:" Twilight asked, "should we head to the orchard for lunch?"
"I don't know about you," Rainbow said, "but I have a hankering for pony."
The rest of the group stopped in their tracks. Fluttershy turned around to face Rainbow. "Did you just say you wanted to... eat somepony?"
The other four turned around. Rainbow paused. "Sounds weird, but yeah. Some pony would really hit the spot right about now. Like, I don't know..." She looked at her friends in turn. "Applejack."
Applejack blinked. "What?"
"I mean"—Rainbow hopped to Applejack's side—"look at this body. All that meat on her flank." She licked her lips. "And the way it shifts and flexes under her skin as she moves... and just think about the vital organs under that... AJ's a walking feast." Rainbow ran her hooves over Applejack's side.
Applejack shifted away, trying not to flex. "Rainbow, if this is some kind of sick zombie joke, I ain't laughing."
Rainbow scoffed. "What, like a zombie pony? If I was a zombie, wouldn't I be shambling around, trying to eat brains? I'd be after Princess Egghead, not you." Rainbow eyed Applejack's side. "No, some meat would be really nice."
She looked up at the glares of her friends. "What? Oh fine, I'll have fruit and vegetables like everypony else. But I still want some meat."
They continued to the orchard, Rainbow walking uncomfortably close to Applejack.
---
A few days' time found Rainbow finding Applejack in the fields.
"Hey, Applejack! You change your mind yet?"
Applejack grumbled, then called up, "I said it yesterday, and I'm saying it today! The answer is still no!"
Rainbow flew down and hovered in front of her meal. "Come on! You can't be using all that meat! Share a little!"
Applejack furrowed her brow. "I am in fact using all this me—all my muscles."
Rainbow moved around to Applejack's flank. "I don't see why you're being so selfish about this! Just a bite, Applejack?"
Applejack turned to walk away.
"A nibble? An ear? Oh, don't show me your butt-meat if you're not going to let me eat it. That's just cruel!"
Applejack kicked a tree with her right hind leg, dropping a single apple. She used her left hind leg to send it directly into Rainbow's mouth.
Rainbow chewed on the apple before swallowing it. "It's not the same! See, you only needed one leg to buck that. I can have the other one, right?"
"No!"
Rainbow threw up her hooves. "Fine! I'll come back tomorrow then."
Applejack sighed as her friend flew off.
---
Twilight Sparkle walked through the Carousel Boutique.
"Rarity? Are you home? Your door was open." She made her way up the stairs. "Rarity?"
Twilight pushed the door to Rarity's upstairs studio open, then quickly shut it and put her hoof over her mouth. She flew to the bathroom.
Five minutes later, Twilight banged on the door to Rainbow Dash's house.
"Rainbow Dash! Open the door this instant!" she shouted.
There was no response. Twilight kicked open the door. She heard a groan coming from the room above her.
Flying upstairs, Twilight found Rainbow laying on her side on the bed, facing towards the wall.
"Hey, Twilight. Couldn't come down. Too busy digesting. Oof." She shifted. "So stuffed. I could barely make it home."
Twilight sputtered. "Did... did you... eat Rarity?"
Rainbow turned her head to look at Twilight. "Uh-huh. Most of her, anyways." She belched.
"But... but she's your friend! And... you devoured her?"
Rainbow rolled her eyes. "I made sure to knock her out first. I'm not a monster, Twilight." She let out another small burp. "Besides, you can just bring her back like you did to me."
Twilight briefly let a small smile show on her face. "Well, trying out the spell again does sound nice, but that's not the point! You still killed her!"
Rainbow shifted again, making herself more comfortable. "I wasn't planning on it, but I was helping her with some dress or another, and when she turned her back, I saw her meat move under her skin in just the most mouth-watering way. And I just had to have some of that." She paused. "So worth it."
Twilight turned to leave. "I'll resurrect Rarity of course, but I'm very disappointed in you, Rainbow Dash. You'd better not eat anypony else, all right?"
Rainbow Dash patted her swollen belly. "Don't worry, I won't be eating anything for a while. Mmm, it was so good."
---
The next week, five ponies stood next to the circle with what was left of Rarity. Twilight looked on stoically. Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie averted their gazes. Applejack had pulled her hat over her face. Rainbow Dash licked her lips.
"Hey, Twilight," Rainbow said, "can I—"
"No, you can't have a snack."
"Shoot." Rainbow stamped her hoof.
"All right," Twilight started, bringing a scroll up to her face. "I disassembled the spell into its base components. I've isolated the part that gave Rainbow her cravings for flesh and fixed that little error, I hope. Also, I've discovered that we don't have to turn the lights out and that the incantation doesn't have to be nearly as involved. Any appeal to a higher power will do, as long as the general message gets across. And her body will be restored intact, I've made sure. The rabbit testing's gone well, so I'm confident this'll work."
Fluttershy looked over with eyebrows raised. "Rabbit testing?"
"Let's get started so I can look again," Applejack said.
"What was that about rabbit testing?"
Twilight set her notes aside. "All right, stay back."
Twilight cleared her throat, took a step forward, and lit her horn up. "Dear Princess Celestia, some jerk ate my friend—"
"Hey!"
"—and we'd like to make Rarity alive and whole again, please. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."
Another bout of blue flame restored Rarity to life. She stood up and coughed some dust out of her lungs. Rarity looked at the carvings on the floor, then at her friends.
"Oh. I see. May I ask how my demise came about?"
Twilight turned to Rainbow Dash. "Rainbow, do you have anything to say to Rarity?"
Rainbow looked down and quietly mumbled something unintelligible.
"I don't think she heard that, Rainbow. A little louder, please."
Rainbow looked down and loudly mumbled something unintelligible.
"Rainbow Dash!"
Rainbow looked up. "Ugh, fine. Rarity, I'm sorry for killing and eating you, okay?"
Rarity thought for a moment. "Well, I suppose there's no permanent harm done."
Rainbow gave a slight nod in Rarity's direction. "You were delicious, by the way."
"Thank... you, I guess?" Rarity walked up next to Applejack, who had positioned herself on the opposite side of the room from Rainbow.
"So, Rarity,"—Twilight produced a clipboard—"do you happen to have any craving for the flesh of ponies?"
Rarity scratched her chin for a moment. "No, but I could go for a sparkling white wine."
"Excellent!" Twilight checked off a box.
"Oh, speaking of eating ponies, I forgot something," Rainbow said. "Rarity, I'm sorry for breaking your sewing machine over your head. It was right next to me when the mood hit, you know?"
Rarity turned to look at Rainbow. "You... you broke my EverStitch? I saved up for months to buy that! They don't even make the PX model anymore! Killing and eating me was one thing, but what did my sewing machine ever do to you?" She advanced on Rainbow.
Rainbow Dash looked down in thought. "Oh, and your room needs to be cleaned."
Rarity stopped. "What? What did you do to my room?"
"I'm... kind of a messy eater." Rainbow grimaced.
Rarity's eye twitched. "How... messy?"
"Well, you'll have to wash your floor... your walls... your ceiling... a dress or six..."
Rarity could only gape.
"So," Pinkie Pie cut in, "when are we killing Dashie?"
The other five looked at her. "What?" Twilight asked.
"Well, Rarity doesn't want to eat ponies, so when we kill Dashie, Twilight can bring her back and she won't want to eat us anymore."
"Sounds like a plan to me," Applejack said.
"Yes, Rainbow," Rarity added. "Do be a dear and die for us, would you?"
Rainbow sighed. "Fine, if it'll make you all feel better. Ooh!" She hopped into the air. "How do you think I should do it? It needs to be something great. Sonic Rainboom into the bedrock? See how many trees I can dodge at full speed? I can strap fireworks to my back! Fluttershy, do you have a bear I can knife-fight?"
Fluttershy looked up. "Um, I don't think he'd appreciate—"
"Wait!" Rainbow interrupted. "I just thought of something. And I'm not dying until I get to do it."
"What?" Twilight asked.
"I wanna eat Pinkie Pie."
"What? No!" Twilight shouted.
Rainbow draped herself across Pinkie's back. "Think about it! She eats so much sugar, and she has so much energy. She's got to taste amazing or something." She stroked Pinkie's coat. "Those layers of meat and fat, ever so slightly blending... and the organs beneath..." She licked the drool off of her lips.
"That's barbaric!" Rarity said.
"Okay!" Pinkie said.
Twilight stepped forwards. "What? Pinkie, you can't be serious. She wants to kill you."
"So? You'll just make your circle go fwoosh again and I'll be right back. But Dashie's going to get a once-in-a-lifetime chance to find out what I'm really made of!" She giggled. "Ooh, I can even make my own toppings!"
"Score!" Rainbow took to the air and did a backflip. "Come on, Pinkie, let's get baking!"
Pinkie trotted up the basement stairs. "I'm thinking a Pinkie Sundae, with ice cream, hot chocolate, and whipped cream on top! I can lay on a bunch of bananas and stuff myself with cake for fun on the inside, too!"
"Stop it, Pinkie, you're making me drool." Rainbow followed her out, leaving the other four ponies alone.
After two minutes of silence, Rarity said, "I, ah, have to go clean up." She made her way out.
"And I think I'll start on resetting the spell circle." Twilight quickly busied herself.
Applejack's eyes wandered the room. "I, um, have to, uh... apples." She hurried out.
"I have to apples, too." Fluttershy flew after her.
---
"So," Twilight Sparkle said, "now that everything's been taken care of, I think we've all learned a lesson from this experience." She levitated the diary to the center of the library. "I'll begin, if nopony minds."
She wrote:
Dear Diary,
Over the past few weeks, I've learned the importance of proper spell preparation. It is important to know what you are casting and why instead of blindly casting out of an old book. A little analysis early on can save you a lot of frustration later.
"I'll take the next one," Applejack said.
Dear Diary,
I've learned to eat light and bring a bucket when I visit Twilight's house.
"All yours, Fluttershy."
Dear Diary,
Recently, I've discovered that I should keep a closer eye on my animals, and ask them more often if anypony has been doing anything strange to them.
"I'll write the next entry, darling."
Dear Diary,
I have learned many fascinating things about getting blood stains out of all sorts of different surfaces. And the next time I find something red and squishy under my couch, I will be sure to dispose of it without trying to identify it.
"Ooh! I know what I'm writing!"
Dear Diary,
I didn't really learn anything, but I remembered that helping out your friends is super-important, even if it means cutting your own throat to do it.
"I hope you've learned a lot, Rainbow," Twilight said, passing the diary to her.
"Heck yeah I have. Gimme that."
Dear Diary,
Dying is AWESOME!!!