Everyone in the cafe immediately turned around to stare at the strange man who had just barged into the cafe in such an unruly manner. Only two people weren’t staring directly at Discord. Sunset, who was still in mid-facepalm, and Celestia, who was quickly joining her.
“Oh please, please, please don’t say my name,” Celestia muttered under her breath.
“Hey, Celly, there you are!” Discord called out, waving his hand frantically at her.
Celestia groaned and slammed her forehead on the table. “Please don’t come to my table.”
“I’m here for our date!” Discord skipped over to Celestia’s table, jumping atop several others to land in a spin on the chair opposite her. Kicking his feet up on the table and winking at her while leaning back in his chair, Discord said, “I hope my attire is adequate for dating qualifications.”
Looking up, Celestia raised a brow as she inspected his look. “Well, you managed to look somewhat presentable. Like washing the mud off of a totaled car presentable, but still, not bad.”
“And once again, Discord does good.” Discord chuckled under his breath, brushing his knuckles on his shirt with a smug grin on his face. “And you look fiiine as ever, Tia. Why, I do believe—”
“Ugh, you two are going to make me vomit,” Sunset gagged, leaning on one hand against Discord’s chair.
“Then you know how I feel whenever I see your face,” Discord whispered to her through his teeth.
“Um, Discord, why is one of my students here?” Celestia asked, crossing her arms with a deep-set frown planted clearly on her face. “One that should be in detention, I might add.”
“Technically, it’s five right now, which means no more detention,” Discord pointed out.
“Technically, you screwed up, which means your date is going to chew your ass out,” Sunset laughed.
Turning to Sunset, Discord brushed his hand at her and said, “Shoo, shoo, harpy, and never return from your den of vileness! Go find a cute boy or something and suck out his soul and wallet!”
“Quiet, both of you are causing a scene!” Celestia said sternly.
“Fine, since you’re the student, you’ll get the adults some coffees,” Discord said to Sunset. “I’ll have a double shot mochachino, no caffeine, with two teaspoons of soybean milk, not that two-percent crap. Make sure it’s at four hundred degrees on the mark, extra foam, then get rid of a third of that foam because I don’t want too much extra. Then exactly three packets of sugar, but make sure a fourth out of each packet doesn’t get included so I don’t get too hype. When you’re done with that, triple shot caramel cream, one shot peppermint, add some chocolate sprinkles if you can, I wouldn’t mind some nutmeg either, and for the love of everything that is holy, don’t forget the pumpkin frappe added halfway through the cycle or else it’ll be ruined!” Staring at Celestia out of the corner of his eyes, Discord asked, “And Tia will have straight up black coffee, right?”
Sunset glared at Discord with a pouted face, but eventually rolled her eyes and sighed, leaving the two alone.
Resting his hands behind his neck, Discord chuckled. “You gotta admit, I have a hand with kids.”
“Yes, well, I’d appreciate that hand staying at the school when I specifically wanted them to watch said kids in detention,” Celestia said with a deadpan expression.
“Wait, my hands have eyes now?” Discord looked at his palms with wide eyes. “No way!”
Celestia groaned. “Seriously, Discord, can you cut it out with the sarcastic remarks.”
“Well, there goes half of my dialogue options,” Discord joked. “What next, my innuendo remarks go away as well? I’d be forced to keep quiet forever then!”
“That would sure beat the hell out of this,” Celestia said truthfully.
“Oh, come now, Celly, you know you love me.” Discord leaned over the table and pointed a finger at her face. “Remember back in school during that football rally? You couldn’t keep your hands off me.”
Celestia gritted her teeth and slapped Discord’s finger out of her face. “If I remember that right, it was Luna who couldn’t keep her hands off you.”
Discord’s mouth opened, then his jaw went slack as he snapped his fingers. “Oh yeah… that would explain a lot, actually.”
“Yeah, it does.” Picking up her purse from the table’s edge, Celestia asked, “So, are we done here? I have some errands to run before I’m heading home.”
“Ooh, I can help you with that!” Discord said, leaping out of his seat. Appearing at Celestia’s side in a flash, he bumped elbows with her and said seductively, “Especially with the ‘heading home’ part.”
Celestia pushed Discord away with a properly placed elbow to his side. “You haven’t changed a bit, have you, Discord?”
Discord caught himself from falling using the chair, a loud ooph leaving his lungs at the painful dig on his side Celestia did. “I’d like to believe prison changed me. Well, in the toughening up way, not the… well, you know.”
“No, I didn’t mean it like that. I mean you haven’t changed one bit since high school. You’re like some old jock still living the dream of his stardom days, except you were never a jock and you never had any stardom days to begin with.”
“Um, excuse me, I’ve changed plenty.” Discord popped his collar out and smoothed his jacket. “As you can see, I can accessorize with the best of them now.”
“Discord, a new fashion sense doesn’t change you. Growing up does,” Celestia stated, turning her back to him. “You’re still the loud-mouth punk in high school, Discord.”
“But that’s the best part about me!”
“No, Discord, that’s the annoying part about you.” Sighing, Celestia stared at him over her shoulder. “Discord, you can be funny, caring, considerate and once in a blue moon even nice. But until you change yourself to try and be those things more, I just can’t date you.”
“There are small miracles in this world after all,” Sunset said in glee, arriving behind Discord with his coffee.
“Shut it, harpy,” Discord muttered quickly. Running so that he was in front of Celestia, he said, “Wait, Celly, I can seriously change! I can make it so you would hardly recognize me by tomorrow!”
“Another makeover just isn’t going to cut it, Discord,” Celestia replied quickly.
“What? No, I could never afford that anyhow.” Discord clapped Celestia on the shoulder and pointed a thumb at himself, grinning earnestly as always. “I can guarantee in no time flat that I can change and be the Prince Charming of your dreams.”
Staring at Discord with a pout on her lips, Celestia conceded and shrugged. “Well, I guess giving you the chance wouldn’t hurt… that much.”
“That’s the community college spirit!” Discord said with glee. “I bet you won’t regret it!”
Celestia brushed his hand off her shoulder and rolled her eyes with a small smile on her cheeks. “We’ll see.”
As Celestia departed, Discord sneaked a glance at her passing posterior before she exited the cafe. “Indeed we will.”
“So, how was the date?” Sunset asked, slinking to Discord’s side.
“She technically didn’t say no about a second one,” Discord said, holding up two fingers. “So I am guessing this one was an astounding success."
“You sure are going to an awful lot of trouble just to get laid, aren’t you?” Sunset asked, holding up Discord’s coffee to him.
Snatching it from her hand, Discord shrugged. “It’s not about the trouble, it’s about the message.”
“And that message is you and Principal Celestia doing…” Sunset turned green and shook her head in disgust. “Oh man, I definitely walked into that one.”
“While as nice as that image is to me in the privacy of my own home with the blinds drawn shut and all the doors closed and locked, no. The message will be that I can change.”
“For the Principal?” Sunset guessed.
Discord smiled. “Sure, let’s go with that.” Sipping his coffee, Discord immediately spit it out, right on the hem of Sunset’s dress. “I said no two-percent! You lied to me!”
“My dress!” Sunset cried out.
“My tastebuds!” Discord shouted with more intensity, falling to his knees and shaking his fist at the ceiling. “They will never be redeemed from the vileness of the two-percent! Never!”
Sunset looked around at the intrigued and occasional shocked faces staring at the pair. Sighing while putting her hands on her side, she shook her head sadly at the spectacle Discord was throwing. “You have a long way to go. And seeing how I still have detention indefinitely, I’m going to have to help you.” Closing her eyes and gulping hard, she muttered, “Just my luck.”