Chapter 3: Quite Impressive
“You ready for this?” Discord asked his companion.
“Isn’t this your date?” Sunset Shimmer pointed out, crossing her arms and tapping her foot against the sidewalk. “What do you need me here for?”
“So I don’t get in trouble for not keeping an eye on you,” Discord reminded her. “Once it’s five o’clock, you can buzz off. In the meantime, stick with me.”
Rolling her eyes, Sunset said, “And what exactly are we going to go for your date?”
“The thrift store.”
“So… you’re taking a girl to the thrift store.” Sunset groaned under her breath and facepalmed. “Yeah, that’s surely going to be romantic. Who are you going out with, a hooker?”
“Hey now, that’s no way to talk about your principal,” Discord tutted, entering through the thrift store doors with a swagger to his step. “And potentially your mother if I am so inclined and she looks presentable enough to me.”
“Wait… you’re going out with Principal Celestia?” Sunset asked, complete awe in her voice as she followed him in. “But she’s… and you’re… what? This is just too unbelievable to be true.”
“Oh it is,” Discord assured her, hands on his hips as he inspected the assembly of used and extremely cheap clothes before him. The smell of old and worn out and mildew surrounded him, the scent familiar and comforting. For Sunset, it just smelled like the inside of a retirement home. “Kinda. She said I can ask her out next time if I wore something more presentable.”
“So you took me out of detention for a date you don’t even have?” Sunset asked angrily, arms straight at her sides as she frowned deeply at the mad janitor.
“A date I don’t have yet!” he reminded her, patting her head just to egg her on. “Besides, don’t you kids hate detention? You should be thanking me.”
“What about if I get expelled or something for ditching school with you?” Sunset pointed out, slapping his hand away from her hair. “Or if you get fired?”
“Aww, you do care about me!”
“That’s not what I meant!” Sunset shouted at him, but Discord simply waved his hand at her as he went off deeper into the store. Groaning, she stomped after him and asked, “Are you even listening to me?”
“Of course I am!” Discord turned back to her, a flamboyant hat of multiple colors and luxurious feathers atop his head. “I listen to your opinions. Such as your opinion on this hat?”
“It’s… colorful,” Sunset said squeamishly, grimacing at the ridiculous piece of headwear. “You’re not seriously gonna wear that, right?”
“But shit, it’s only ninety-nine cents,” Discord said, tugging at the price tag hanging from the hat. “How can I give up a sweet deal like that?”
“By having taste, of course.” Sunset inspected the clothes hanging on the aisles at her side, glancing over them for something more appropriate than what Discord chose. “How much money do you have to spend?”
“What’s one divided by zero?”
“Um… nothing, I think.” Sunset shrugged. “Doesn’t it make the universe explode or something?”
“Theoretically and magically, of course,” Discord agreed, putting his arm over Sunset’s shoulder and bringing her in close to whisper in her ear. “But basically, I ain’t got jack shit. Spot me a fiver?”
“I am not going to spend money on you!” Sunset said, pushing him off and grimacing at his rank body stench. “It’s not my problem you spend all your cash on porn or drugs or whatever the hell you buy.”
“Pfft, like I’d spend money on porn,” Discord laughed, going through a hanger containing several coats. “Especially considering all the free shit you can find at the computers back at the school. Took me forever, but I finally got the porn blockers down.” Pulling out a leopard skin coat, he smiled and asked, “How would this look on me?”
“It’d make you look like an unfashionable thug,” Sunset sighed. “Or a really poor pimp. Don’t you know what girls like?”
Discord dusted off the coat, shrugging it on while adjusting his feathery hat. “They like confident ladykillers who have tons of money and swag.”
“See, there’s your problem,” Sunset said, tugging at his horribly furry coat with distaste. “You don’t have a ton of cash, you definitely aren’t a ladykiller, and that last thing isn’t even real.”
“Are you saying television and the radio has lied to me once again?”
Sunset nodded, having to fight off the urge to repeatedly slam her head against a wall. “Yeah.”
“Damnit!” Discord shouted, throwing his hat on the floor and stomping it under his heel. “Now what am I gonna do to get into Celestia’s pants?”
“Ewwwww,” Sunset gagged, the thought of Discord and the Principal being together making her brain retch. Holding back vomit, she muttered, “If you really want to impress Principal Celestia, just ask me. I’m an actual girl, so I’d have a better time at making you look somewhat presentable.”
“Great!” Discord said, grabbing her by the shoulder and dragging her deeper in the store. “You’re buying!”
“I did not agree to that!”
“Do you want to go back to the school and do algebra equations instead?”
“... I’m not spending more than five bucks,” Sunset sighed.
“Damn, I look fine.”
“I do think believe a ‘thank you’ is in order,” Sunset said, glancing up at the new and slightly improved Discord.
“No apologies necessary. You’re just young and naive.” Peering closer into the window of the coffee shop, Discord slicked back his greasy hair and smoothed out his unruly beard. Leaning back, he checked to make sure he was ready. Button up blue shirt with with only a few stains, black jacket that itched like crazy, and blue jeans that had so many holes you couldn’t tell if that was just from wear or intentional from the designer.
“Fine, whatever,” Sunset said, holding back a curse. Looking in through the window, she spotted her Principal alone at a coffee table in the center of the room. “So you’re just going to drop in unannounced for a date she didn’t even agree to have with you?”
“Now Sunshine, you wound me. My plan is more sophisticated than that,” Discord replied, walking up to the door and grabbing ahold of the handle. Glancing back at her, he flashed her a devious grin. “I never drop in unannounced.”
Sunset looked nervously into the crowded coffee shop. “Please tell me you’re not going to do something stupid.”
“Just follow my lead,” he whispered to her, throwing the doors up with a well placed kick. Jumping through the entrance and into the shop, Discord spread his arms out wide and shouted, “GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD EVENING CAFE!"
Sunset facepalmed.
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I'm gonna pop some tags...
Only got
twentyzero dollars in my pocket...I, I, I'm hunting,
Looking for a come up,
This is fucking awesome!
~Skeeter The Lurker
I wish my school janitor would be that awesome
Well he did announce himself.
i cant even begin to tell you how awesome you're making this version of discord. keep it up!
I literally had the song on another tab, good stuff.
.......What? Discord is....her father or is Celestia her mom?
3228392 I wish janitors could use chaos magic. Litter in the school, and your clothes will promptly disintegrate.
Great chapter, but PLEASE never reference a Macklemore song ever again.
3228341 Not you too.
And the shenanigans continue.
Did you by any chance read "Syncopation"? Because the end reminded me a lot of Vinyl's "Gooood Morning, Sunbucks Regulars!"
3228508
3228392 ...Mine was.
3228554
Damn you and your awesome school janitor
For some reason he reminds me of Onizuka, thats just plain amazing..
3228508
I wear your granddad's clothes
I look incredible
I'm in this big ass coat
From that thrift shop down the road
I wear your granddad's clothes (damn right)
I look incredible (now come on man)
I'm in this big ass coat (big ass coat)
From that thrift shop down the road (let's go)
I'm gonna pop some tags,
Only got twenty dollars in my pocket,
I, I, I'm huntin',
Lookin' for a come up,
THIS IS FUCKING AWESOME!
~Skeeter The Lurker
The level of just pure unbridled greatness, seeping through the internet, coming on this page. Is just to great for my feeble mind to comprehend. I cried, I laughed, I damn near died. This. Is. Discord.
This story is making me shit cotton candy and pee chocolate milk!
It hurts but its tasty.
Discord is both a genius of a troll and a magnificent bastard
He swindled Sunset out of her money AND embarrassed her to high hell.
Overload of 'take thats' at so much things in this chapter.
Also that last line to me will always be this.
3228615 My grandfather is dead.
3228636
Can I have his hand me downs?
~Skeeter The Lurker
3228708 You can have mine, cause you're killing me!
3228742
I'm just having too much fun with it.
~Skeeter The Lurker
unfashionable thug
gurl you be acting like a cold ass honkey cause you jelly
Oh god, he getting the porn blockers down reminds me of a 'joke' I once did.
I set up the homepage for all the computers at school as porn! All of my friends laughed their asses off.
Especially when the teacher found out.
3228615 Laugh at me for mine ignorance, but what song are you guys referencing? *Doesn't listen to the radio since he has ponies.*
Discord: "Good evening ladies and gentlemen. We are tonight's ENTERTAINMENT! I only have one question: Where is Principal Celestia?!"
3228925
This:
~Skeeter The Lurker
I could not help but think of Good Morning Vietnam.
3228959
You mean... This:
writegoodtheblog.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/monopoly-guy-with-babies-plus-text-copy.jpg?w=500
Damn... you all beat me to the Thrift Shop references... Ah, well.
imma just sayfc08.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2011/125/c/0/sweeney_todd_oh_damn_by_spanishsunrise-d3fo7rp.jpg
Kicking through the door, Huh? Sounds like quite a....
I'm surprised Discord didn't say "I'm gonna pop some tags"...
0.o. Imagine if Sunset had to deal with the nonhuman discord.
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD MORNIN' VIETNAM!
3229431 damn you i was literally just about to post that
I'm just waiting for him to sing a particular song... I give it the next chapter!
I can seriously see that ending scene happen, followed by laughing my ass off. Sunset just facepalming while Discord's making his grand entrance, and Celestia sneaks into the bathroom to pretend she doesn't associate with this weirdo. Yes, I made up the last part, but we all know this is something that would likely happen.
He's not even using his magic, and he's still the greatest troll ever
*bow down*
Discord. Magic or no, still a troll. But still, why doesn't he just conjure up some drugs or money? Are his powers too limited or something?
3229652 cdn.styleforum.net/c/cd/cde42cb3_Picard-YES-meme.jpeg
*Looks up from his coffee*
Oh hey, Discord.
If you live in the same town as him, stuff like this will never surprise…
…
…Discord, why are you wearing a button-up shirt?
best morning ever, wake up to find more of this
Star Trek referance
This chapter made me unfavorite and thumb this story down...
So i could favorite and thumbs up this again
3229376 Idk, they're pretty much the same (powers included) except that human Discord is well, worse. (Drugs, sex and the human mind)
3228487
If my knowledge from not actually watching EQG, just what people have said about it, is correct, Principal Celestia adopts Sunset Shimmer.
3230587
The way he said it made it sound like he was her father though, you may want to reword it.
Edit: I realize you're not the author and I'm sorry for mixing that up.
YES!
1 divided by 0=
Hmm, needs more chaos. Maybe even a bit more magic. A little chaos magic if you will.
Something dramatic
Love the chapter. Look forward to the next one.
3231094 nope you forgot the events of the mirror pool
1 / 0 =
Also. way to make an entrance bro!