Chapter 5: School Day
Sunset Shimmer fiddled with her locker. It was the same combination she’d used dozens of times over, but today, it just wasn’t working. Just like every other day because the damn thing was a hunk of junk, which Sunset pointed out by kicking it repeatedly with her foot.
“Just. Open. Up. For. Once,” she shouted with each kick. No luck with the locker, since it still remained locked shut, mocking her wordlessly. And no amount of dents would shut its mouth.
“Someone frustrated?” a familiar yet still creepy as hell voice said behind her.
“What do you think, Discord?” Sunset whispered under her breath.
“Well, telling from your aggression, failure to complete a simple task, and supreme ‘bitchy’ attitude today, I could only guess…” Discord tapped his chin for several moments, until his face brightened up with just a snap, “You’re on your period, right?”
Finally, the locker managed to open, right in Discord’s face at that. Sunset made sure to put a bit more muscle into it than necessary, but for the given circumstances it probably was.
“So, what was that again, Discord?”
“Oh god, I can’t feel my frickin nose.”
“Ooh, it looks like it’s bleeding.” Sunset reached into her locker and threw a few tissues in Discord’s direction. The custodian of immaturity was currently kneeling on the floor, crying silently. “Better wipe that up. And please, stop with the crying. It’s like you’re PMSing right now.”
Finally, after a few more tears, Discord got up, both his nostrils stuffed with tissue and his dignity in there with them.
“Well, now that you’re in a more chipper mood, how’s the plan going?”
Sunset pulled out a biology textbook. “What plan?”
Discord’s face consorted in rage, then immediately pain, then rage again, until the two mixed into a boiling stew of rage-painful emotions. “What? What plan? The plan! The plan we talked about yesterday. The plan we talked about yesterday to hook me up with your principal. The plan we talked about yesterday to hook me up with your principal, Celestia, and make her fall madly in love with me. That plan.”
Sunset closed her locker, glancing at Discord’s bruised and bloody-nose face. “Oh, right, that plan. Don’t worry, I have everything under control.”
“Hitting me in the face with a locker isn’t under control!”
A flicker of a smile passed over Sunset’s face. “No, but it was funny. Plus, you kinda deserve it.”
Discord followed in her wake, grumbling under his breath while he shoved his hands into his ratty pockets. “And you deserve to be shoved off a cliff.”
“Well now, that isn’t the right attitude for the girl about to get you the woman of your dreams.”
“The woman of my dreams has much bigger tits.”
“Wow, shallow.” Sunset rolled her eyes. “Why am I not surprised?”
“Wait a second… is that a rhetorical question?”
“No, of course it isn’t.”
Discord snapped his fingers and increased his pace, stopping Sunset in her tracks by blocking her way. “Okay, I know for a fact that that was sarcasm. Don’t think because I’m older doesn’t mean I don’t understand it.”
Sunset sighed, the air blown out of her lips lifting up the front locks of her hair for but a moment. “No, no, no, no, nooooo, of course I know that, Discord. Why shouldn’t I?”
“I used to be young too, y’know. Hip as well. I’d get jiggy with it all the time, I’ll tell you what.” Discord splayed out some jazz-hands and grinned deviously at Sunset… which just came out as pathetic and creepy from her point of view. “I was once the most popular guy at this school.”
“Principal Celestia said you were a drug addict.”
“It was the Nineties. Basically the same thing.”
Sunset sidestepped past Discord and continued on her way, still unable to shake Discord off her tail. “Listen, Discord, I have a plan for you, but it isn’t ready yet.”
“Isn’t ready yet? Oh, come on!” Discord whined, even more pathetic than usual. “We already did the shopping trip! That should have been enough for my wallet!”
“I was the one that paid for it!”
“Well, obviously that should be reason enough to not do it again!”
Sunset groaned under her breath, but steeled herself from smacking Discord upside the head with her book. It was awfully tempting, though. Just to hit him right across the face…
“Ow!” Discord was kneeling on the floor again, his face even redder from abuse than before. “Shit, what the hell? Are you sure you’re not—”
Sunset raised her book up again, poised to strike.
“—the most delightful student I’ve ever seen?” Discord grinned, flinching like an abused puppy when Sunset lowered her book. “Oh god not the face again.”
“Discord. Discord, listen to me. Stop crying.” Sunset snapped her fingers, catching his attention like… an abused puppy. Again. “I’m gonna help you. Why… I have no idea. Mostly out of pity. Like throwing a fiver at a hobo.”
“Pfft, I’ve done the hobo stint before. Ain’t no fivers there.”
“Whatever. The point is that help is on the way. Probably during lunch though.”
“Lunch?” Discord wallowed further into despair, which currently at the rate he was going would turn out to be a new record. “I don’t even have a lunch! The teachers won’t let me back into the teacher’s lounge! Probably on account of all the stolen lunches. Which, I might add, is not my fault.” Discord leaned in and whispered, “It’s discrimination I tells ya.”
Sunset arched a brow. “Against former junkies and criminals?”
“Yeah, exactly!”
“Fine, fine, whatever. During lunch, meet up with me and I’ll give you some food.”
“Like a pudding snackpack?”
Sunset frowned. “No.”
Discord frowned even harder. “But—”
“You’ll get a banana if you’re lucky. Now, clean up the blood and try to look less… you, before lunch. I don’t want the others to think you’re a creep.”
“What was that?” Discord asked, wiping most of the bloody snot off his nose using the arm of his jacket.
“Just… just show up during lunch. A top crew of professionals shall assist me in making you less… Discord.” Sunset backed away slowly, then finally started walking at a faster pace once out of Discord’s vicinity. “Also, put on deodorant!”
“Deodorant?” Discord walked back to his cart of cleaning supplies, then picked up a spray bottle and read the label: “Huh, mold and mildew remover…” Discord shrugged, then stuck the spray bottle up his shirt. “Yeah, this should do the tri—OH GOD IT BURNS!”
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Holy CRAP this was from a while ago. Glad to see its still alive and kicking
Yes it does
Don't get in your eyes
Awww yeah!
Oh, that Discord
The poor guy can't catch a break.
5672353
Amen to that
It took me a straight minute to remember this was even in my favorites. Reading the new chapter, of course, reminded me why. Hah!
You... are a total ladies man, Discord. Don't quit your day job. Ever.
5672353
Don't worry, Dissy. That's just the symbiotes on your skin screaming in pain.
IT LIVES. Wow, you're really keeping to it when it comes to updating your old works! Also, this was flipping hilarious.
Hell.
It's about time.
It has risen!
Yes... moar...
How often will this update? So far I love the story!
I dig this story. But that update time tho. Looks like a might be here awhile. media.giphy.com/media/9JOMxLFjCWWSk/giphy.gif
HAH!
I suppose I should expected that.
Yes! Very much wishing there was more of this!
?!
For best effect, read this at work on the clock and on the john.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Nothing like waking up to a bit of chaos in the morning.
holy shit... Look who the fuck it is...
Yeah, it's back, and now it's going back into hibernation for another year, no doubt. :P
5672353 IT BURNS! WHY!?
It has high amounts of toxic chemicals.
IT WAS SUPPOSED TO WORK! PEOPLE TELL ME I'M A TOXIC CHEMICAL! FIGHT BIO'S WITH BIO'S RIGHT!?
Finnaly, been looking foward to an update!
Holy shit I thought this was dead.
5673051
Constipation Medication, eh?
It's pretty damn funny.
Your Discord reminds me of Dan Mandel.
YES! I'm glad to see another update to this wonderful story! I can't wait to see how Discord manages to embarass Sunset
5672353
THE PAIN MEANS ITS WORKING!
Oh fuck yeah bitches!
Ah, locker-kick therapy. Nothing like taking out your frustrations on a resilient inanimate object.
Glad to see this back. Definitely looking forward to the next chapter. It won't be a makeover as much as cleaning up a Superfund site.
Ha-HA!
Discord was in a grunge band, wasn't he?
Sweeeet...
5672351 It really, really, isn't. See you... Oh, somewhere around Election Day? Honestly, I'd be surprised if I got it that fast.
5756862
Hey, I can dream, can't I?
5757041 Nope.
5757088
5757160 Nope.
It's so wonderful to see him back. We need more of this Discord.
We also need to see canon EQG Discord.
What's with abused puppies in this chapter?
Oooooh Discy, you silly man you.
Bravo!
That made me laugh too hard.
The last line is priceless.