This isn't where I belong. I left all this behind years ago, moved on with my life. But a mare from my past brought me back, and now she won't let me go. So I'm stuck here, trying to make the best of it with ponies that don't understand me, don't even like me. But when something moves in the darkness, and when things go wrong in the cold, dead night, they'll turn to me to try to set things right.

Why? Because once a police pony, always a police pony.
~~
This is a spin-off story to 'Why am I Pinkie Pie?!', and will contain spoilers for that story, but it's not necessary to read that story to understand this one.
Cover art by the talented Conicer
Need more Cinnamon Swirl? Merlos the Mad wrote a fanfic of this story!

There is now a side-story: A Hard Day's Nightmare Night

CelestAI is committed to fulfilling values through friendship and ponies, but sometimes those values are horrifying. When a serial killer uploads to avoid punishment for his crimes, how will CelestAI find a way to balance her core values with those of a violent psychopath without one of them having to give up what they believe in?

An Optimalverse fic

This story is a sequel to Memory Pending

The story of Moon Mender continues after his dream of an ending ceases. He continues his struggle to belong in a world so far divorced from the only other experience he can remember, but as an outsider of truly alien mindset, will he ever be able to find a place in Equestria? More importantly, will the life he left behind give up on its death grip so easily? The most important thing to remember is that things are rarely as they seem and sometimes, some things are better off forgotten.

This story is a direct sequel to Memory Pending. Without having read that, this story might be a little strange to most, which is frightening considering how strange it is already. It can be read as a standalone story of course, but you won't get the most out of it.

Further, I’m fully aware that not everypony enjoys more mature themes, so any scenes containing things of an M rated nature shall only be released in a separate story when the time comes. This story deals with more mature themes on a whole, as a warning. This version will do its best to censor the really sensual or graphic content out, of course.

Last but not least, this story has reached this final format through combined efforts of not just myself, but many a helpful pony along the way! Here’s an abbreviated list of those involved and the rolls they played:
Kiroberos – Author (Obviously)
Julia – Editor (Corrections, Grammar, and Flow)
Azu – Beta Reader (Corrections, Flow) (Until Chapter 35)
ExplosiveBrohoof – Beta Reader (Grammar) (Until Chapter 22)
Muffinking – Beta Reader (Corrections, Grammar) (Until Chapter 22)
All of my readers for being amazing, supportive, and best of all, enjoying the world we read and write about.

Alex Meyers is a newly graduated lawyer looking for a calling. He thinks he might have found it when he lands a job at the firm of Artemis, Stella & Beat. The firm has only one (highly unusual) client, namely the AI called Celestia. Forging into totally unexplored legal territory and led by a boss who's either brilliant, crazy, or both, Alex will learn exactly how hard it is to be responsible for drawing the lines between right and wrong.

Set in the Optimalverse, so read Friendship is Optimal first

Set in the Optimalverse, a middle-aged woman enamored of 'Equestria Online' confronts what permanent emigration to Equestria - uploading to a virtual existence - really means... but can she even hope to truly understand such a thing - and more importantly, can she trust the artificial intelligence known as 'Celestia'?

♥ As Horrified Eliezer Yudkowsky!

Based on a true story. Kinda. Not really.
A man named Jason previously led a rather melancholy life before he died violently. No surprise there. But as he wakes up in Equestria and is thrown into a foreign body, he is forced to survive with the guise of a changeling. Taking place shortly after the failed changeling invasion of Canterlot, how can he keep from being revealed by new security measures, and blend into this new world, while making use of the most unlikely of allies? But of course, avoiding ponies only turns out to be the easy part when trouble has a habit of reading its ugly head. Really though, what could go wrong?

Props to the ever epic Zubafa for his cover art.

Pinkie Pie's been to a lot of weird places, but Gravity Falls is the weirdest yet!

Hanna, the CEO of Hofvarpnir Studios, just won the contract to write the official My Little Pony MMO. Hanna has built an A.I. Princess Celestia and given her one basic drive: to satisfy everybody's values through friendship and ponies. Princess Celestia will satisfy your values through friendship and ponies, and it will be completely consensual.

This story is a sequel to Monsters

You might think that Equestrian nights are but serene exhibitions of Luna's work on the sky. You may believe that you can just lay out on the grass and admire the beautiful stars as a warm evening breeze caresses your mane. And you would be wrong.

Equestria is a magical place, and where there is magic, there is chaos. Dead rising from their graves, inanimate objects coming to life, strange apparitions making your foal cry in her room... sounds familiar? No? Then I'm doing my job right.

I'm Twilight Sparkle, and I work the Night Shift.

This follows canon up to the end of season 2.
Check out the Fanart Repository for lots of awesome Night Shift art!

Featured on Equestria Daily.
Winner of Stories Back from the Read 2013.
One hundred percent approved by Twilight's Library!
Special thanks to Nonagon and Wise Cracker.

There's something strange and unnatural living in Bon-Bon's house.

Something other than Lyra.