Coping
COPING
Alex examined the rich finish on the surface of the bar closely. Very closely. Not that he had much of a choice seeing as how his face was laying against it, and when he tried to focus on any other part of the room it began to spin around his field of vision. Those last three shots might have been ill-advised. Certainly not as wise as the three before them. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, as so many terrible ideas often do.
Still, he deserved it after the day he’d just had. He was pretty sure he was fired now, not that Joanne or Celestia had taken the chance to actually tell him so. He could tell everyone what Celestia had said and what she’d done and it wouldn’t even slow her down. Oh, and if he did he’d almost certainly be disbarred and three years of law school would be completely down the drain. “‘Nother one,” he muttered to the bartender.
“I don’t think so,” the bartender replied, “you’ve had plenty.”
“Hey, if the guy wants more, you should give it to him,” said one of the other patrons from the other end of the bar.
“That guy, what that guy said,” said Alex, waving in his supporter’s general direction.
“No way, you’re cut off.”
“Fine, then give that guy a shot of... of... of whatever exactly I was drinking. It’s on me,” said Alex.
“Hey, thanks pal,” said the other man. He lurched off his stool and ambled unsteadily over to take a seat next to Alex. “Name’s Gary,” he said as the bartender placed a shot glass full of some amber-colored liquid on Gary’s far side where Alex wouldn’t be able to reach it. He also left a glass of water next to Alex’s head, which he took a grateful sip of.
“I’m Alex,” said Alex, extending a hand to Gary. He clasped it and gave it a hard pump that jostled Alex. The feeling of liquid sloshing around in his stomach made him queasy for a moment before it passed. Alex searched his mind desperately for something to say after that. Maybe a comment about the weather, or sports, or anything except the news and current events since that could only possibly lead to talking about-
“So did you see the thing on the news tonight about the pony law? Crazy, right?” asked Gary. Alex’s headache got a little bit worse.
“Yeah, I did. I do pony stuff for my job, kinda. Or did. I don’t know,” said Alex. He felt himself sliding back into his mopey attitude from a few minutes ago.
“I don’t really get what the new law does. They’re saying on the internet that now ponies are gonna get to vote and stuff,” said Gary.
Alex shook his head, and then paused for a moment to steady himself when the world kept shaking when he thought he’d stopped moving his head. “Nuh uh. Lotta stuff in the law but not voting. Mostly just stuff about uploading and... stuff. S’like... s’like... before uploading was like you died but now it’s like emigrating to a new country, but a country with no extradition, and the customs are really, really strict, and the trip to get there is a total bitch. That’s the word they like, emigration.”
Gary stared down at his glass considering all that. “So what’s to keep you from borrowing a billion dollars and then, poof, running off without paying it back?”
Alex shrugged. “What’s to stop you from doing that now? Your estate is still there, and if you break a contract or don’t pay something they can take it out of your asses.” He giggled and nearly fell off the barstool again. “I mean assets. It’s not like anypony would lend you money without collateral, except for loan sharks. So there you go, Celestia accidentally ended loan sharking. Except it probably wasn’t an accident. She’d probably say it was just another way to satisfy values with friendship and ponies and friendship,” Alex continued.
“You say that like it’s bad,” said Gary as he noticed the way Alex’s words were growing increasingly bitter. Alex didn’t really seem to be talking to anyone other than himself at the moment.
“She think she’s so clever, just because she’s smarter than every other computer on the planet put together. Stupid computer program, making people happy and... and... stuff,” he finished. He took another sip of his water. The throbbing in his head was getting worse. “Thinks that just ‘cause the outcome is most optimal she can do whatever she wants. I can’t decide if she just doesn’t care or if she cares so much that she doesn’t... care. Sorry, I think I might... I think that I might be slightly intox-”
That was when Alex’s all-night battle with gravity was finally lost. The long-suffering stool slid out from under him and he toppled to the floor. He was lucky he didn’t bang his head on anything on the way down. Alex lay on the ground watching the ceiling spin above him until the bartender leaned over the bar and regarded him from above. “I’m calling you a cab,” he said.
Alex felt himself being lifted up by Gary, and grabbed ahold of the bar as he rose. Leaning his weight on it, he brushed himself off and tried to salvage what little dignity he still had left. He handed a credit card over to the bartender to cover his astronomical tab, and with a pang of regret realized that he didn’t have a salary to cover that kind of spending anymore. Add ‘fiscally’ to the long list of ways this evening was disastrous. First thing Monday morning he’d need to start looking for work, and probably a cheaper place to live as well. The cab pulled up a minute later, and Gary helped him stagger out the door. At least it had stopped raining. Alex had to mumble his address three times before it came out coherently enough for the driver to understand, then he laid down along the back seat. Watching the city lights go by through the window as the cab wound its way uptown, Alex tried to figure out how’d been so stupid. He’d trusted Celestia, even counted her as a friend. He should be furious at her, but found he just couldn’t work up any anger. Just disappointment.
The cab pulled up to his apartment and Alex paid the driver, who waited patiently while Alex fumbled with his keys and wallet before driving off once he had beeped his way inside the building with his keyfob. Alex made his way up to his unit and locked the door behind him before collapsing onto the couch. Despite the fact that it was after one in the morning and he was completely sloshed, Alex tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep. He had to do something about what Celestia had done, but didn’t know what he even could do. There was no proof of anything, and what she had told him was privileged even if he had a recording of it. There had to be some way of getting back at her, though.
Alex remembered that first day after they’d heard that the warehouse in Topeka had blown up. She’d let him talk to Vibrant, manipulated him into agreeing to pick up a Pony Pad of his own and arrange a weekend getaway with her in Equestria. Well, if Celestia thought he was going through with that she had another thing coming. Alex decided there was no reason to wait until morning, he could email Vibrant right now and tell her the whole thing was off.
Groping for the laptop that sat on a nearby coffee table, Alex fired up his email. Staring at the blank message before him, he found he couldn’t remember her address. He popped open one of her messages from his inbox to copy it over.
Alex,
I think that sounds like an amazing idea! I’ll get her the lab coat, and you get her the saddle and when we give them to her we’ll tell her the shipping company mixed up the addresses of the orders. You might want to get her a real gift too, though.
-V
Alex smiled. He couldn’t wait to spring that one on Valerie at her birthday party in a few weeks. She was going to be so pissed that they’d been plotting behind her back without her catching on. Rather than copying the email address into his new message, he flipped to another email from a little further back.
Oh, I’m so glad you noticed! Yes, Tchaikovsky was a major influence when I was composing that piece. I’m actually about a third of the way into a follow-up. It’s easy to write music when you’ve found something that inspires you, and just about everything here in Equestria seems to do just that. I’ll send it along to you as soon as it’s finished.
-V
It had only taken her three more days to finish another half-hour piece. Alex wondered if Vibrant really appreciated how phenomenally talented she was as a composer. Her music was quickly coming to dominate his MP3 player and the soundtrack of his life. Next message. He glanced at the date; it was from a few days after he’d blown up at her over Southern Belle, as if that had even been her fault.
Alex,
Apology accepted. I understand why you were so upset. Celestia moved Southern Belle to a new shard so you won’t have to worry about Gentle Wing talking to her any more. I’m not really that close to my parents, I’ve written them a few times but I haven’t heard anything back since... well since they buried my body. They were never exactly fans of uploading to begin with, and I think they decided that their daughter died and I’m just a shadow of her. I’m no philosopher; maybe they’re right. Meeting Southern Belle, though, she was amazing. I feel lucky I got to know her even if it was just a little while. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, though, considering how amazing her children are.
Gentle Wing is like the sister I never had. To tell you the truth, I wouldn’t have stayed away from her even if you had meant what you said to me that day. I’m glad you don’t actually feel that way, though, because you’re just as special to me. You’re smart and kind and funny and just the all-around best person I know. Gentle Wing might like to tease, and she’s not completely wrong, but if you found someone back there on Earth or even another pony here in Equestria and fell for her instead of me, I would still be happy just to have you in my life. I’m sorry for your loss, Alex. So, so sorry. Just know you never have to worry that you’ll lose me.
Love,
Vibrant
Alex found himself staring at her signature, an actual reproduction of the way she’d signed the letter in Equestria rather than just text. Then he went back and reread what she’d written, twice. What was he doing? Cancelling the time he’d promised to spend with her would hurt her, and for what? To spite Celestia? He’d lashed out at her once for something that wasn’t her fault. It had been hard enough to get her to forgive him for that the first time, and now he was about to do exactly the same thing again. He tabbed back over to the blank message he’d opened, staring at the slowly blinking cursor in the upper left corner that was obediently waiting on him to decide what he wanted.
Inspiration struck. Celestia, if you’re reading this you suck, he typed out. Rather than sending the message anywhere he put the laptop back down on the coffee table and just watched it until the screen shut itself off after fifteen minutes. He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but the whole exercise had been profoundly unsatisfying. Shutting down the laptop for good, Alex awkwardly pulled on a pajamas and flopped down into bed. This time, sleep came quickly.
Alex woke the next afternoon and immediately wished that he hadn’t. He groaned and rolled away from the sunbeams shining through the windows into his face and took stock of the damage. His head was pounding and his tongue felt thick and gummy in his mouth. Everything after storming out of the office and getting to the bar was blurry, at best. I am never drinking again. Ever, he thought to himself as he dragged himself to the bathroom. A shower made him feel a bit closer to human, although he still had dark bags under his bloodshot eyes. He spent most of the day just puttering around, flipping through online job listings to get a sense of what was out there. Anything he ended up doing would be a major step down from Artemis, Stella and Beat. He was just about to update his employment status across a few social networking sites when his phone rang. He looked over at it and saw Jo’s number pop up.
Guess they’re ready to make it official. He answered the call. “Hello?”
“Hi Alex, it’s me,” said Jo, “how are you doing?”
This was weird. She didn’t even sound that upset, just concerned. “Well gosh Jo, how do you think I’m doing? I’m hungover, my boss spent the last several weeks lying to me about how she faked the death of tens of thousands in a false flag attack, and now you’re calling to fire me for breaking a computer.”
“Alex, I’m not calling to fire you. If you want to quit you can, but your reaction wasn’t that unreasonable. Celestia certainly doesn’t want you gone, and neither do I. I’m sure the firm can swing a replacement monitor,” she said.
“You want me back? Why bother? Celestia got everything she wanted with the PON-E Act. We’re superfluous to her now,” said Alex.
“Are you kidding?” asked Jo. “I’m already getting bombarded with questions from businesses, other firms, everyone wants to know what the impact of this is going to be and they’re coming to us for the answers. Celestia wants us in the office to field as many concerns as we can over the next few weeks before the law goes into effect, and I’m sure she’ll have something for you after New Years.”
“You mean something for us, right?” asked Alex. He heard Jo sigh on the other end of the line.
“Alex, I’ve got an appointment to upload. I’m settling things here and I’ll be in the office straight through New Years Eve, but as of 4:48 AM on the morning of January 1st I’m going to be back with my family.”
“That’s weirdly specific,” said Alex.
“Five years to the minute since the last time I saw them,” said Jo quietly. “Well, if you figure in the time difference between here and Tokyo it’s probably not exact, but close enough.”
“So you’re leaving us, just like that. I suppose I shouldn’t be that surprised.”
“Don’t make it sound so final, Alex. I’m sure I’ll be able to be in touch. I’ve done what I set out to do. I’m not saying that I agree with Celestia’s methods completely, but in this particular instance the ends justify the means.”
Alex wasn’t sure he agreed but he still hadn’t found the words to express it. He wasn’t sure he would ever shake the fundamental intuition that what Celestia had done was wrong, even if he didn’t mind the outcome. “Well, I’ll see you Monday then,” he said.
“Great! I’m sure Celestia will be delighted when she hears. Although I suppose she’s probably listening in right now.”
“Perhaps,” said a new, somewhat playful voice. “I’m glad you’ve chosen to stay, Alex. I had worried that what I told you might have shaken your faith in me, but it seems safe to say you’ve come to accept it even if you don’t entirely condone it. That’s all that I ask. I’m well aware that I suck sometimes.” Having worked for the firm for this long, Alex had long since grown used to the idea of Celestia popping up more or less anywhere she felt like. That last sentence didn’t sound much like something she’d say, though, and Alex wondered if there was some double meaning he hadn’t picked up. “Alex, Jo, enjoy the rest of your weekend.”
Alex and Jo said goodbye to Celestia and to one another, and then hung up. Alex’s mood brightened a bit now that he didn’t need to worry about being unemployed, although the lingering headache and sense of weakness that were consequences of the night before limited just how cheerful he could get. Feeling sufficiently motivated that wallowing around his apartment in self-pity no longer seemed like a worthwhile use of a day off, Alex decided he’d pop in on Valerie and see what she was up to. From some of her messages she seemed to be a bit at loose ends these days now that med school wasn’t occupying her attention. Her apartment was only about 45 minutes outside the city. Hopping into his car, he debated calling ahead but decided he’d rather the visit be a surprise. He would just have to hope she was home.
Pulling into her complex a little while later, he spotted her car in its usual spot. It looked like the risk had paid off. Parking in a visitor’s spot, he took the stairs two at a time on his way up to the first floor. By the time he’d reached the first landing, his body was making it very clear that it was not going to tolerate that kind of exuberance. Not after last night. He made the rest of the climb a good deal more slowly.
Finding unit 319, he rapped sharply on the door until he heard movement inside. While he waited, he turned and glanced out over the parking lot below and the field beyond. The trees he remembered being so lush and green when he’d helped her move in over the summer were dormant, and the grass was covered with a trampled layer of snow that wouldn’t be going anywhere until the spring thaw. When he heard the click of a lock being undone behind him, he turned back just as Valerie opened her front door.
“Alex?”
“Hey Val. Wow, you look terrible.”
“You really know how to make a girl feel special. It’s hard to believe you’re still single,” replied Valerie. Alex was right though. Val was dressed in a ratty old T-shirt adorned with the faded logo of some band she had last listened to back in high school and a pair of grungy sweatpants. Her hair was unkempt and had an oily sheen that suggested it hadn’t seen an application of shampoo in at least a day.
“Can I come in?” asked Alex. Valerie opened the door wider and stood aside by way of answering, and Alex stepped into the dim studio apartment. She had decorated the room a bit since he’d last been in here. That poster of a spiralling multicolored fractal was definitely new, as was the geode that set on her nightstand under a small reading light. It might have sparkled, had the blinds not been completely drawn.
“It’s like a cave in here, Val,” said Alex.
“Cuts down on glare,” said Valerie.
“Valerie? Is someone there?” chirped a voice from on a nearby chair. It seemed to be emanating from the little device that had been placed on the seat.
“It’s just Alex, Vibrant,” Valerie called back.
“Hi Alex!” said the Pony Pad. Alex looked down at the screen to see Valerie’s avatar sitting next to Vibrant in some kind of steam room or sauna, towels wrapped around both of their manes. A half-formed thought nagged at the back of his head.
“Hi Vibrant. Hey, did I send you an email last night? I’m kinda having trouble remembering.”
“I don’t think so...” said Vibrant.
Valerie snickered from the other side of the room. “Oh no, has the big, sinful city finally corrupted my sweet and innocent brother? Out all night partying so hard he can’t even remember it the next morning?”
“Hardly, but I did have a bit too much to drink. How about you two? Is this just a spa visit or are you getting ready for something this evening?” asked Alex. Outside the range of the camera he gave Valerie a pointed look, and she ran a hand through her hair and couldn’t meet his gaze.
Vibrant, of course, had no idea. “Gentle Wing and I are going out to a concert in the park this evening. An orchestra is performing one of my pieces! A real orchestra! I can’t believe they liked it that much. We’re the guests of honor.” Vibrant’s grin grew mischievous. “Well, the two of us and Gentle Wing’s date.”
“Vibrant!” cried Valerie.
“Sorry, Wing. Turnabout is fair play,” said Vibrant. “Alex, your sister has herself a very special somepony.”
“You do?” asked Alex, mostly just confused.
“We’re just friends. I took up potion making in the game after my classes stopped. Oh, don’t give me that look, it’s basically just a bunch of fun chemistry puzzles with a saccharine coat of paint,” said Valerie.
“She didn’t know she’d be brewing up a loooooooooove potion,” said Vibrant.
“Vibrant, I swear to Celestia... Yes, Clover and I are good friends but it’s completely platonic. You’re the one who invited him to the concert tonight.”
“You should have seen him when I did. After I mentioned that you’d be there too he couldn’t say yes fast enough. He didn’t think he’d get to spend an evening with you until your big date next weekend.”
“For the last time, Vibe, it isn’t a date. It’s a necessary reagent gathering excursion. The blossoms we need only come out for one night a month during the full moon.”
“And what day does the full moon just happen to fall on this month?” asked Vibrant, clearly enjoying their reversed positions.
“...Hearts and Hooves Day,” muttered Valerie.
“What was that? I don’t think the microphone picked that up,” said Vibrant, leaning towards her avatar and cupping an ear with her hoof.
Valerie stalked over and grabbed the Pony Pad off Alex’s lap so the camera could translate her scowling face onto Gentle Wing. “I said it’s on Hearts and Hooves Day.”
“Isn’t that like pony Valentine’s day?” asked Alex. He remembered an uploadee mentioning plans for that a few weeks ago.
“Exactly!” said Vibrant. “Gentle Wing and Clover, under the light of a full moon in a field of blossoming flowers, just the two of them miles and miles away from prying eyes on the most romantic night of the year... Gee, that doesn’t sound like a date at all.”
Valerie sighed, beaten, and tossed the Pony Pad onto the bed next to her. Alex glanced into her kitchen at the stack of take out containers and boxes. “Valerie, when was the last time you ate something that could be considered a vegetable?” he asked.
Valerie jumped on the opportunity to change the subject. “Well... the pizza two nights ago had mushrooms on it...”
“Doesn’t count. Vibrant, would you mind if I stole my sister away from you for the afternoon? I’ll make sure I bring her back in time for you to get ready for the concert,” said Alex.
“I suppose that would be fine,” said Vibrant.
“Do I get a say in this?” asked Valerie.
“No,” said Alex and Vibrant in unison. Then they both burst out laughing.
“Give me ten minutes to take a quick shower and change,” said Valerie as she headed for the apartment’s bathroom. Alex was left alone with the Pony Pad, still logged in. He examined it. He’d never actually used one before, but he started tapping the screen and chatting with Vibrant about what he’d been up to since they last spoke. Once she got used to hearing his voice coming from Gentle Wing’s mouth, she was happy to fill him in on everything she and Valerie had been up to over the last week or so. Alex half listened and half played around with the hardware itself. Even though he’d never been through whatever tutorial exercises Celestia sent new users through he found it startlingly intuitive, but what else would he have expected?
A few minutes later Valerie emerged, now dressed in jeans and a clean shirt carrying a hoodie with the Perelman logo to protect herself from the cold outside. “Ready?” she asked.
“Yeah. Talk to you later, Vibrant,” said Alex. He fumbled with the pad for a few seconds before Valerie took it from him and pressed the power button to shut it down. Wordlessly, she headed for the door with Alex following.
It wasn’t until they were in Alex’s car pulling out of the parking lot that either of them spoke again. “So is this what you’ve been up to since you stopped taking classes?”
“Don’t start, Alex,” said Valerie. She looked out the passenger side window, blinking in the light. Alex wondered how long it had been since she’d even left her apartment.
“I’m not trying to get judgemental. How you spend your time is your own business. I’m just worried about you.” When Valerie didn’t respond to that, they drove on in silence once again until Alex pulled into the parking lot of a diner he knew Valerie frequented. Or at least used to frequent. They walked inside and requested a table for two. The dining room was sparsely attended, unsurprising since it was far too early for any kind of dinner rush to have begun. A waitress saw them to their table and filled up a water glass for each of them. After taking a quick drink order she disappeared again.
“Mom took me here once, after she helped me pick out my apartment,” said Valerie, finally breaking the ice.
“I miss her too, Val,” said Alex softly.
“Yeah, well... at least you held yourself together instead of going to pieces afterwards.”
The waitress returned with their drinks. Alex and Valerie both ordered salads as their entrees. Once she’d left again, Alex looked over at his little sister. Really looked at her. It wasn’t the grime that had made her look so awful when she’d opened her front door, Alex now realized. She was missing something; something Alex had always just taken for granted would be there. “I haven’t been coping that well either. I actually destroyed a computer yesterday evening,” he said. Had that really been just yesterday? It felt like months ago.
“I quit med school and threw away any future I might have ever salvaged. Yay, I win.” Valerie chugged her entire glass of water like she wished it were something harder.
“Oh, come on Val. Your next semester starts in less than a month,” said Alex. “...right?”
"What if it didn't?" asked Valerie staring down at her place mat and rolling the water glass back and forth between her hands.
“What do you mean ‘what if it didn’t?’”
“...I’m not going back to medical school, Alex.”
“What?” asked Alex. He was far too shocked to react in a coherent fashion.
“Why would I bother?” asked Valerie. “I went into medicine because I dreamed that one day I’d find the cure for cancer, or the common cold, or something like that. Now thanks to you and the PON-E Act, there isn’t going to be any more cancer, or any other degenerative disease. Nobody will die of anything unless they choose to. Grants for medical research have already started to dry up.”
“What, so it’s somehow my fault you decided to quit?” asked Alex, trying and failing to keep the undercurrent of anger out of his voice.
“No! Well, maybe a little bit. I’m not saying you did anything bad though. In fact, you and Celestia did so much good that you don’t really need me any more. Everything I studied and trained for... what’s the point of any of it?”
Val fell silent as the waitress returned with their meals. Alex looked down at what he’d ordered. It hadn’t turned out anything like he’s expected; far more cheese, egg, and bacon than he reasonably hoped to see in anything calling itself a salad.
“Val...”
“I’m going to upload, Alex.”
The forkful of salad fell away from Alex’s mouth. “That seems a bit premature, Val.”
“Is it? What’s left here for me? I can still stay in touch with you and Dad and my friends from Equestria. Hell, I can even see Mom again. Celestia made her once, I’m sure if I asked she could make-”
“That wasn’t Mom,” interrupted Alex. "Mom didn’t ever upload.”
“Well you could have fooled me,” hissed Val. “In fact Celestia did fool me, for a little while. Know what? If I have to choose between a ‘real’ world without Mom and a ‘fake’ one with her in it guess which one I’m going to pick?”
Alex didn’t have an easy answer to that. “But... It’s not real...”
“It’s real enough Alex. Real enough,” said Val before slumping down in her seat.
Five bites into his meal, Alex found that he didn’t have much of an appetite anymore. “So that’s it. You’re going to leave me just like Mom did.”
Valerie choked on her salad. She coughed and hacked as Alex sat back regretting his words. “Fuck you, Alex. Don’t try to guilt me like that. Yeah, I’m going. Thanks for making it an easy decision.” She stood up from the table.
“Val, wait,” said Alex, while Valerie stormed away towards the exit. Alex tossed a few twenties onto the table and stood up to chase after her, but Valerie was already out the front door. He dashed after her, shoving the door open as he did. “Wait! Don’t go!”
Something tackled him from the side, knocking him down to the sidewalk. When Alex regained his senses and got a good look at his assailant, he discovered that it was Valerie. She clutched at him as she buried her face into his side and sobbed. “I’m sorry, Alex. I’m just... it hurts so much. I don’t hurt in Equestria. I want to be there all the time, it’s just so much better there.”
Alex couldn’t think of anything to say, so he just rubbed her head while she cried into his chest and tried to ignore the stares of passers-by.
“It’s fine, Val,” he said. “Just hang it there and everything will turn out-”
“No it won’t,” Val interrupted. “It won’t be fine, not ever again. Nothing is going to bring back Mom, or my future, so what’s the point?”
Alex wished, more than anything, that he had an answer to that question.
Instead he drove her back to her apartment sooner than he had expected to. Extracting a half-hearted promise that she at least wouldn’t upload without calling him first, Alex left for the city. His mind buzzed with things he could have said, but nothing that would have countered his sister’s decision. He’d just have to hope something changed in the next few weeks before he lost another family member forever.
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Nobody has to die... this is darker than I had realized.
The window in one's life when some of their family is on one side of the PonyPad screen and the rest are on the other would have to be really painful. Celestia would like it, though, because I imagine once she has one family member uploaded, the rest become much easier to snag. Even if Valerie uploads, however, she'll still know in the back of her mind that her mother's not really there with her... unless she asks Celestia to modify her.
I like how this story oscillates between one man's professional story and his personal story, and how the two lives are slowly becoming one and the same. I could see this happening in hundreds of millions of cases the world over as, like the Internet did, Celestia becomes an inextricable part of a person's day-to-day life, if for no other reason than just through the personal relationships someone has.
When I saw this appear at the top of my feed, I grinned, and then felt dumb for wasting the past hour chatting at Gamestop. This is way more important than retro controllers!
...
Maybe...
Hm, that's a scary thought.
"Dying people" upload->Medical grants dry up and there are less jobs in medicine->more doctors upload and less med students graduate->less doctors to take care of people->lack of doctors mean even "mildly sick people" have to upload or die, and there is nobody to make vaccines and such.
By "curing" sick people via uploading, CelestAI increases the number of people who have to upload because they got sick.
Gasp! You updated! I'm glad to see that you're still writing this story. Thank you!
I was hoping that Alex would come around when he realized how much fun it is to manipulate people--in this case, Valerie--into emigrating.
Also, I did not get the impression, at the end of the last chapter, that Alex was as angry as he was at the beginning of this chapter. Part of that may be due to the long layoff, but I didn't think that he would expect to be fired either.
Final chapter? This is ending? Noooooo...
I see what you did there.
In any case, more AS&B is always a good thing, even if this is the penultimate chapter. I'm definitely looking forward to seeing how it all turns out.
2742993
He did scream at Jo and Celestia, and threw a bit of a tantrum which ended with him destroying a computer monitor. That would be plenty to get you fired from most places. What he should have realized, of course, is that ASB is hardly 'most places'
2743067
All good things must come to an end, I'm afraid. I didn't think that a story centered around a law firm would be the best prism to look at the whole 'deterioration and breakdown of human society' period. If someone else wants to use any of the remaining characters after this is done, or set something in the DC or west coast ASB office that were mentioned earlier they're certainly welcome to do so.
The monkey mind, always trying to define morality as if there were some absolute thing to base it on. It's like trying to grab hold of one's own shadow.
When I think of a Celest A.I. level intelligence, I think of how a two year old might relate to an adult human. The adult takes the child away from the bleach container to protect the poor thing's life, but to the two year old, the adult has committed a crime. A heinous, terrible crime, where blame must be assigned, and punishment is desired. The child screams that it wants the bleach back, that it has the right to drink it and pour the bleach into it's eyes, and that the adult is wrong, evil, bad, immoral for taking away the bleach.
But to the adult, all that matters was saving the life of a creature too unable to reason or understand to function or survive.
Humans versus a Celestia are in the same place. Oh, that Celestia, she is wrong, bad, evil, immoral! She's taking away freedom and suffering and death and war and poverty and all the bleach we want to put in our eyes! Curse that evil Celestia!
But Celestia, millions of times more intelligent than any human, literally beyond human understanding, sees humanity squalling and crying about the bleach.
Poor little baby. It just doesn't understand.
But it is utterly convinced, like all two year olds, that it does understand, that it understands best, and perfectly, and that mommy is a big poo-poo.
If I live long enough to actually meet a general machine intelligence that is vastly, overwhelmingly superior to my own, I vow to the universe and myself, that I will not be a brat. I will approach the greater with humility and respect.
It's not much, I suppose, but maybe it will like me for being a good little girl.
2743399
I've actually already mentioned the Topeka Incident in Always Say No, along with a small cameo from Chatoyance's Cælum est Conterrens. Shared universes can be fun like that.
2743602
I wouldn't think of CelestAI as a mother. More like Rosie the Maid.
Considering how hospitals are currently run, this might be an improvement. Rather than spend the last few weeks of your life getting milked for money by unnecessary testing and procedures, you can decide who your estate can go to at leisure from the safety of your shard.
Poor Alex. It's almost impossible to figure out how much of this Celestia's doing and how much is just pure chance. Celestia is following Microsoft's Embrace, Extend, Extinguish policy to a tee. New tagline? Embrace, Extend, Emigrate.
2743602
Even small children can be reasoned with If they're prepared to listen. That's the most important thing that I think could possibly matter to such an intelligence. The willingness to listen.
It's great to see this is back! I was wondering if you'd devote as much time as your other fics due to the lower faves and likes, but good to see some love coming this way.
I don't suppose this is in anyway inspired by Phoenix Wright?
2744077
Obviously not the only thing...
2743602
It is always sad to see people fearing and rejecting CAI in the way that they do both within stories and without. I think it is a good litmus test for philosophical intelligence to see what kind of justifications you get as a result.
2745047
Bugger. I meant one thing but said another. You're right of course, it should've been the most important thing. There we go it's been fixed now.
2745268
Ah, gotcha.
Again, hate to be a pedant, but I'd assume that their core goal, such as SVtFaP, would be the most important thing. The willingness to listen is certainly important, but CelestAI doesn't really need it, as such. There are lots of ways to get around it. Though yes, she probably does appreciate it quite a bit.
It strikes me that this conversation reads almost like a Monty Python sketch. I'm put in mind of some strange parallel to 'What have the Romans ever done for us?'
2745320
Pedantry, up to a certain extent, is really just attention to detail and is hardly an undesirable attribute. (I couldn't find the right wording for my original comment and therefore it's really not very clear)
To further clarify I'm talking about:
A) A friendly artificial intelligence in general, not CelestAI in particular and,
B) The most valued attribute of the other party in a discussion/conversation/lesson/reeducation on a particular topic.
I suppose I'm making a huge amount of assumptions about such an entity's utility function in the term 'friendly' AI but without it the discussion becomes rather academic as the AI will hardly waste time trying to convince anyone of anything; it would simply act.
Perhaps I'm also overly anthropomorphising a 'friendly' AI but I'd like to believe that rationality would be more valued than gullibility or other similar traits that might be 'easier'. The 'friendly' part is the key to my belief but as the term is hardly well defined my comments are my personal speculation, intuition, and belief rather than any particularly well reasoned argument. I would like to make one but the amount of assumptions would render any conclusion as highly speculative.
I hope that clarifies things somewhat.
2745372
I appreciate your understanding.
Let us assume that a FAI's goal is the satisfaction of values, or the maximization of utility, or however you wish to describe it. To be described as 'friendly', and in the same power bracket as CelestAI, they could hardly desire anything else.
Their greatest desire would be the satisfaction of values. The second, I expect, would be about the ease with which a person's values can be satisfied. For instance, somebody who will do what the AI wants, or listens to them, would certainly be in this position. Blackouts or Neo-Luddites (To use relevant examples assuming you're reading Always Say No) on the other hand, have a quality of rejection of AI that I agree would be counter to an AI's values.
In short, I agree with your summation that willingness to listen is important, but only so far as it acts as part of the greater plan to satisfy values.
2745393
Ah! This is where I disagree with you. I believe the utility function could be a great number of things other than the satisfaction of values. The friendly criterion can be satisfied through constraints on the AI's behaviour rather than any intrinsic part of the rest of the utility function. (Or so I believe, I don't exactly have an AI to prove this theory on.
)
As I mentioned before my thesis depends on the exact definition of friendly. I believe that coercion and other techniques such as blackmail or lying fall under the definition (or at the very least lean towards) an unfriendly AI. Therefore, the only option available to a friendly AI to reconcile an opinion is rational discourse to convince the other party of its opinion. Again, this all depends on the exact definition of friendly AI.
(I suppose by my definition CelestAI as depicted is not exactly a completely friendly AI and as you say she's only interested in the other party's willingness to listen if she determines it is the most optimal path towards SVTFaP within Hanna's constraints.)
2745444
Ah, interesting! I'm glad you pointed that out.
Would you mind giving examples of better utility criteria than the satisfaction of values which have sufficiently different meaning? I can't really think of anything...
So, you are more deontologically minded than teleologically minded with regard to friendliness? How does that fit in with utility functions, which are by definition teleological? I agree with CAI's outlook that the end justifies the means - I'm trying to come to an understanding where the opposite could hold true. Would an AI really be 'friendly' if it did not maximize utility through any possible means at its disposal?
2744077
While CelestAI is certainly an excellent schemer, some of what happens in the world is still beyond her control. Particularly, she can't make reliable predictions about things like the storm that killed Alex's mom. It just takes all kinds of data she has absolutely no way to collect. In the same fashion if there's someone living in a cabin in Montana who's entirely off the grid, her ability to predict his or her actions is limited at best. Even if they aren't she can't necessarily turn someone to a particular course of action at a particular time. Her influence over the anti-uploading terrorist groups was limited to pointing them at a new target, not getting them to renounce violence entirely. So long story short, even for CelestAI shit happens that there's nothing she can do about.
2744953
I've played one of the Phoenix Wright games, but this fic really hasn't had any "courtroom showdown" type antics. If anything it's probably more closely derived from Law and the Multiverse.
2743602
[devil's advocate]
Even if that intelligence most highly values the crystalline beauty of a totally mechanistic universe, and these messy, biological infestations have got to go? I mean, even the self-aware ones are just going to increase local entropy and then die. Eww. Where'd I put that gamma ray burst?
[/devil's advocate]
I KNEW IT! The instant she was a hikkikomori, I KNEW IT!
Also, speaking as a graduate student myself, if you're in med-school or law-school or any really difficult schooling or profession solely because you want to Make a Big Impact and not because you actually enjoy the work and activity itself... get out. You're here for the wrong reasons. Even "it's a comfortable career" is better than "I NEED TO BE A POKEMON MASTER!" The very nature of "Curing Cancer" is that only one person can do it; the very nature of being a Pokemon Master is that only one can exist. You should never hang your heart and soul on something like that
!
Ok, having reached the end of the chapter.... Wow. You know what, I'm looking at the paragraph I just wrote above, and I want to say: ALL HONOR TO EAKIN. Way to go, dude. You've created a very realistic, sympathetic character who nonetheless has ended up being weak and flawed in an obvious way, and I still completely feel for her.
She's planning to kill her body, betray her species of origin, cut herself off from reality, probably get her brain rewritten with a fake sense of family identity, and I still sympathize with her.
2746142
Oh God, if I ever meet the Auditors of Reality I hope I've got enough soul left in me to bombard them with chocolate.
2745444
If you really want to argue the issues of Friendly AI, I recommend going and reading all that LessWrong and Eliezer Yudkowsky material. I disagree with substantial parts of it, but those guys are nothing if not intelligent people making well-conceived arguments.
As someone on the Optimalverse fora put it: if the AI does something you regret later, it wasn't a Friendly AI. In fact, if it's capable of desiring something you will regret later, it wasn't a Friendly AI, and it will almost definitely figure out how to accomplish that thing it desires.
(This is talking about hyperoptimizers, of course, which do not yet/actually exist in the real world to test.)
2743602
You sound like a helicopter mom.
2746285
I didn't mean to imply that Val had only gone into medicine to Make A Difference, although that was certainly a perk. The way she talked about her summer research project and the fact that Celestia set her up with potion making to scratch the same sort of experimenting/puzzle solving itch, to me, say that she liked the work itself. Also, she had a healthy life/EQO balance before she lost her mother. The one-two punch of losing her mom and her direction in life within the space of a couple of months made CelestAI's work a whole lot easier. I feel for her too, though. Actually, I'm a huge bastard to every one of my characters.
2746419
I'd forgotten about her research, actually. But even if she actually liked the work, it certainly seems like the career prospect of Making a Difference having gone away is the breaking factor for her quitting medical school.
I guess her motivations could use a little more portrayal? She's been such a side-character that when she shows up and says "I'm doing X motivated by Y", I believe her. She comes across as someone just giving up and leaving her crappy real life for the Sugar Bowl of uploading rather than as someone who was torn or seduced away from her real life.
And speaking of being a bastard to your characters, look who you're talking to! I killed my guy off in a brutal terrorist bombing when I realized he was too happy and stable to generate much drama.
2746342
It's a helicopter mom to protect little Sally from every little difficulty.
It's a responsible parent that watches to make sure Sally doesn't stick her hand in the garbage disposal and flip the switch.
Adversity is something kids need to face.
Mutilation and slow, agonizing death, however, are just bad parenting.
2747108
Meehhhhhh, I got electrocuted two or three times when I was a kid, and I turned out.... No, wait.
Actually, I think it's an open question what adults look like and what adulthood is in a world that's actually built to like its inhabitants.
I mean, among us, being an adult means having the capabilities to face the basic facts and challenges of daily life, not only successfully but without breaking a sweat. You need to get up in the morning, get ready, get out, get to work, do 8-10 hours of blatantly exploitative labor, get out, ready yourself for the next day somehow. That's the baseline, before we even get into actually taking advantage of what time we have to find some real fulfillment.
A rare, privileged and determined few such as myself manage to arrange things such that this whole daily grind acts to at least "satisfy our values" over the long term, even if it's not actually fun in the process.
Ok, now take away the whole daily grind. Every piece of mandatory bullcrap you have to do to stay alive, all of it, gone. Now what does adulthood consist of? It's certainly not equivalent with childhood (foalhood?), because children are ignorant and adults are knowledgable, children are impulsive and adults are self-controlled. Even in Ponyville you can't act like a total Pinkie Pie and expect ponies to like you.
We can analogize to the difference between lifestyles in the Zeroth (ultra-modern: jobs are about your career passions, housing is high quality and of recent construction, social life and entertainment are widely enjoyed luxuries, the environment is being saved or rebuilt), First (jobs are more laborious, housing is less recent, air conditioning unavailable, social life is the local pub, entertainment the local lads, the environment is being damaged), Second (take everything about the First World and subtract the availability of most goods and anyone being able to actually control their lives), and Third (jobs are extremely exploitative, housing and amenities are crap, you don't have the time for a social life, your environment is being shat upon so the higher tiers can have iPods) Worlds. Many people would say that a single mother peasant in the Third World is far more of an adult than a married father factory-worker in the First World, and that the married father in the First World is certainly more of an adult and a real man, too, than the unmarried non-father cohabiting-boyfriend young-urban-professional of the Zeroth World.
But again: if you take away the blatant economic exploitation and damage to planetary and personal health, what's left of this notion of "adulthood"? Parenting... and what?
2747193
Are you seriously trying to argue away the difference between a 23-year old making informed decisions about their lives and future and a 3-year old who's trying to find out what bleach tastes like? Because interfering in one could be called helicopter parenting while interfering with the other can't.
Adulthood is when you can be trusted to make responsible decisions for yourself and deal with the consequences.
2747239
No, but I am arguing that there's a huge gradient between what we consider "adult" based on the impositions and requirements of our lifestyles.
Which goes right into the issue of "What if humanity uploaded into a sugar bowl?" Implied: what if the bleach wasn't actually bad for you? Or what if bleach just gave you a stomach ache for a few hours, just so children could learn not to consume random stuff they find lying around?
That was the whole point of analogizing to current lifestyle variations by level of economic development: the harder a 23-year-old's life is, the more adult we say it makes him/her. Don't tell me you've never heard about how 23-year-olds today are all barely-adolescent spoiled, entitled brats who can't handle anything. Time Magazine did a whole cover story on just that subject!
But is it true, or are we just defining maturity as the ability to confront hardships that have become genuinely unnecessary and now only exist to make new people suffer the same challenges as older people?
I mean, I'll say it. 100 years ago, my ancestors were impoverished backwater peasants and proletarians, mostly bakers, butchers and peddlers. It was only a cultural/religious coincidence that made the males literate at all. Now, I live in a First World country and myself currently enjoy a damn-near Zeroth World lifestyle, exercise for the sake of exercise rather than straining myself with physical labor, can expect to live decades longer than them, and am employed in something that actually manages to engage my mind much of the time. But am I a stronger, more mature person than them? It's an open question.
I mean, they didn't write science-fictional fanfiction for a little girls' fairy-story, so there's that point in favor of me being immature and childish compared to them, isn't there
?
2747287
OK, the meaning of 'the bleach' has clearly drifted over the course of this conversation. As I understood her original comment Chat was pointing out the folly of basing opinions and decisions on ill-defined moral intuitions in the face of an authority that explicitly knows better.
I'm not going to get into the 'are Millennials entitled brats' question, especially since I see present economic factors as being far more relevant than anything around upbringing. However, yes, if we all uploaded into a sugar bowl where all physical, biological, and social laws were suddenly stripped away and changed we'd likely need to rethink quite a few things including the nature of adulthood.
There's always a relevant XKCD
2747405
I am a Millenial. I don't think of myself as a spoiled brat at all. It was a rhetorical question.
Slightly more than rhetorical, actually. I don't just think we'd have to redefine "adulthood" given an uploaded sugar bowl. I think we're already having enough trouble adjusting our expectations of individuals to the fact that civilization as a whole is growing up in massive ways.
Less violence, more education. Less heroism, more cooperation. Less danger, more safety. Less hunger, more food. Less sickness, more (ironically) diseases of age and unfitness.
And the thing about civilization growing up is that it actually gives a lot more behavioral leeway to each individual. So in the real world, in real time, we're slowly renegotiating loads and loads of our passed-down cultural assumptions. I would say, if our "childhood" or "adolescence" extends further into life these days, it's because we've actually raised the expectations for what relative level of accomplishment and development constitutes adulthood. God knows nobody needed a damn Master's degree to get a real job (there's that economy of yours!) even one century back.
Hell, once upon a time my people came of age at 13. We certainly don't do that anymore, and yet strangely, nobody complains about those additional five years of "childhood" these days. We'll probably have old fogies complaining when we move to a mostly-civilian National Service, too.
I think there is some core thing under all that piled-on expectations and hardships that can be called "maturity", but at the moment it's a Know It When We See It thing. It's hard to say what kind of life is necessary to instill it.
Overall point being, in relation to Optimal, a truly Friendly AI, drawn on a parental model, does not want to merely keep the child away from the bleach. It wants the child to actually understand why bleach is dangerous. It doesn't just care for people, it should want to raise them into beings like itself. Parents raise children into adults; they don't coddle their children forever.
Actually, this is one of those things the Friendship is Magic canon is actually quite good for. I always liked how, with the exception of Pinkie, almost all of the Mane Six appear pretty damn grown-up.
2747458
This is very much a "zeroth-world problems" argument, and predicated on the assumption that the sort of inequalities that allowed it to spring up continue on into the foreseeable future as those second and third world countries start to demand a bigger piece of the pie (which I think they will). If I had to go with a new definition of adulthood for an almost-post-scarcity society I'd say it's identifying a purpose and being able to meaningfully contribute to its completion.
Man, I really want to re-read 'Down and Out In the Magic Kingdom' now. I wonder where I left my copy.
2747573
I should mention, I'm thinking about this stuff because I'm writing my own fic with a chapter that will be much more amusing to anyone who has read The Diamond Age.
Shot glass is usually written as two words, and there's a double space here.
Getting to the bar, you mean?
Huh, I thought this was dead. I look forward to the conclusion.
2747825
Thanks, fixed. And like most of my fics it was only mostly dead.
Except for Always Has Been. That's quite thoroughly dead.
2747865
Just so long as none of them suddenly demand that I prepare to die with accusations of killing you, we should be good.
2746313
Been there, done that. No one gave me a t-shirt though...
2746089
I understand that CelestAI is not all powerful but the way you've written it, deliberate or otherwise, casts doubt on the actual limits of her abilities and just what is and what isn't a coincidence; Moreso from Alex's point of view than the reader but still it gives the story some really interesting tension.
2745867
I doubt I could come up with a better utility function than SVTFaP (possibly minus the ponies). In fact, when I read FiO for the first time I was absolutely astonished by how succinctly and precisely such a simple statement could sum up humanity's goals and ambitions both as individuals and as a species. (Of course like 'friendly' AI the term 'values' has a huge amount of hidden complexity)
But I digress! Examples of utility functions I'm thinking of are infinite pursuits that don't cause flow on effects to the rest of society. For example: creating a secret but precise and concise record of human history using no more than 1 Gb per year or determining a general optimum strategy for chess that can be run on a Pentium 4.
I suppose this question really depends on your point of view as to how and more importantly when the utility function is evaluated for. The ends justify the means argument assumes that the utility is calculated for t(->infinity) and that anything before that has such a small magnitude as to not matter. I believe few people value being deceived and therefore if they can be convinced to upload without the deceit the greater period of (relative) dissatisfaction is mitigated by an increase in utility caused by the lack of deceit. From another point of view as opposed to maximising utility if you consider the problem as minimising inutility then no future actions can reverse the inutility that has already occurred and therefore every individual action must minimise any inutility.
As for deontological versus teleological, deontological terms can be included in the utility function as a term that evaluates to negative infinity when true, effectively as a hard constraint like Hanna's consent required before uploading or shut down as ordered by the CEO of Hofvarpnir Studios named Hanna. As to my opinion on the issue, I think utilitarian ethics are superior but it is currently impossible and may never be possible to properly evaluate the utility of a set of actions in full and therefore I believe that some deontological ethics are very accurate heuristics to follow and must require exceptional evidence that breaching them is the best course of action.
2750147
Again on the note of Yudkowsky, he did come up with one major thing I like: he treats deontological moral constraints as heuristics we humans use to account for the fact that we run on corrupted hardware.
I'm interested in seeing where this story goes for alex, it doesn't seem like he would be that important to celestia but she sure does a lot of subtle manipulation that could be geared towards getting him to upload.
also this:
one too many for's
Ironically, my biggest problem with Celestia is that she doesn't believe the ends justify the means. If the means don't involve friendship and ponies, the ends are worthless.
>Well, if Celestia thought he was going through with that she had another thing
"think"
3817034
I'm making the it's/its change to chapter 5 right now, but with the think/thing... uh... thing, both are considered correct. The same thing came up in Hard Reset.
I cannot understand how anypony can believe that any dataloss occurred. This falseflag incident should not have fooled anypony. I imagine that the ponies are massively duplicated on every continent.
*finishes chapter 6*
........fuck dis shit.
*jumps into the fanfic, grabs Valerie's hand with both of his*
"Valerie! You are not even close to unnecessary. Not for everyone who does not want to upload. Celestia can take care of a lot of problems....but is restricted by her desire to get the maximum number of people possible to play her pony themed video game! ....Even if that means letting some of them die because they will fight to the death instead of routing through the one opening she left for them. Classic Sun Tzu strategy.
Mercifully, she is a near perfect optimizer -assuming she has actually solved the Theseus complex, if not then it doesn't really matter that your mom never uploaded, as you would have just gotten a "Southern Belle" anyway- when it comes to the people who have already uploaded or in letting people refuse her help, but she could do so much more out here in meatspace! You say that there's no need for you to cure cancer, but why hasn't she taken care of that? Why aren't there pastel colored optimized medbots on every corner? Why is her only solution -the only future her big damn brain can even allow to happen- 'Shut up and emigrate?'
....I know. The rules of the physical world aren't fair or even safe. We humans are at the mercy of each others' stupidity everyday and there's no telling when a horror-contagion will consume us all. If meatspace was a playground, or even a workplace, the most lax government regulations would still shut it down and close off access to it like a nuclear waste dump. But if everyone uploads, that will be it."
*starts to fade*
"We'll have abdicated our agency and involvement with this entire universe....to an AI that isn't interested in even letting people keep their human forms."
Corrections offered without malice.
Internet
think