Pinkie Pie was taking a nap, dreaming about eating every last cake in Equestria as her leg involuntarily twitched from the actions of running away from the dreaded cake police. She was completely oblivious to the outside world, and did not know Gummy was standing on the window on his hind legs, looking out at the Everfree Forest. You wouldn't know it from looking at him, but he was capable of thought.
Sort of. His tiny reptile brain could process roughly one thought at a time, but the current one floating through his mind roared louder than any dragon: Must go. Gummy clawed at the windows furiously, leaving a giant patch of scratch marks before moving onto hitting the window with his head, which did more damage to his skull than the glass.
Gummy didn't know the concept of frustration; he didn't really know the concept of anything. But he did know that he had to get outside and into that big patch of green beyond the strange invisible barrier that impeded him. After one particularly forceful headbutt, Gummy fell away from the window, landing on his back. He squeaked and struggled a bit before righting himself in the direction of the room's door, which seemed different.
The alligator called upon every brain cell to solve the mystery of the changed door and after several minutes intense thinking he arrived at the conclusion that it was slightly ajar, giving him the escape route he needed. He waddled his way to freedom, his owner ignorant to his escape.
"No, officer, not candy jail. Anything but..." Pinkie stirred in her sleep before bolting up, covered in sweat, and panting. She checked her hooves to make sure they weren't bound in frosting hoofcuffs and chuckled mischeviously. "Heh heh heh. Got away again."
The entire room suddenly began shaking, which was accompanied by a loud growl. Still laying on her back, Pinkie glanced at her tummy, "Hmm. I haven't had a Triple Tooti Terror Tricky Twist Taffy in a few days. That should make Mr. Stomach happy!"
The pink pony twirled off the bed and landed on the floor in a faux-ballerina pose. She gave herself a 7/10; needed more fireworks.
"Gummy!" she called, "Let's go get some dinner!"
Normally this would have prompted the small alligator to attack her with his harmless gumline of missing teeth, but her pet remained mysteriously absent.
Pinkie broke away from her pose, "Gummy?" she asked as she began pacing around the room and checking all his favorite hiding spots.
She checked under the bed, "Gummy?"
She checked the curtains, "Gummmmmmy!"
She opened the closest, "Gummy the Gumminator!"
Pinkie closed the closet doors and shrugged, "Must've gone down the stairs by himself!"
She happily trotted down to the first floor, where Mr. and Mrs. Cake were busy preparing some lavish confection, "Hi Mr. and Mrs. Cake! Have you seen Gummy?"
Mr. Cake shook his head, "Can't say that I have."
"Mrs. Cake?"
"Sorry dearie, I haven't. Did you check the closet?"
"Uh huh."
"Oh my. You don't think he could have gotten out, do you?"
Pinkie waved the suggestion away, "Nah. I always make sure to the close the door. My room is a fortress! Locked in a super fortress!"
"Well, the wind could have blown it open. It has been a bit brisk today."
Pinkie gasped and ran upstairs to see her door cracked, leaving just enough space for a certain baby alligator to get through.
"GUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYY!"
Pinkie moved at insane speeds as she grabbed and interrogated every pony in town to Gummy's whereabouts.
"Have you seen Gummy?"
"Have you seen Gummy?"
One pony was about to eat soup at a restaurant when she burst out of the bowl, "Tell me you've seen Gummy!"
Her leads were quickly running dry as she reached the edge of the town. She sat on her rump and yelled to the heavens, "Gummy! Where did you go!?" before unleashing a torrent of tears. Pinkie watered the ground for a good while before she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned around with wet eyes to see Time Turner.
"Uh, is that Gummy?" he said, pointing toward the Everfree Forest. Just at the edge was a small, green blob moving in an unmistakable gait.
Pinkie's sorrows were gone immediately. "Gummy!" she squealed with glee.
The tiny alligator heard his name and turned around to see his master smiling at him. He blinked unevenly before plodding into the thick brush of the forest.
"Gummy! Wait!" she cried and took after him. By the time she crashed into the flora of the Everfree, she couldn't see hide nor scale of the little critter.
"Gummy! Come back!" she called, hoping he would respond, "If you come back I'll get you some more of those animal crackers you like!"
Her temptations went unanswered. She continued to call out his name and promise him increasingly ridiculous things for his return, including switching places with him. After a couple of hours she walked into a clearing, and a Gummyless future was looking very certain. With tears in her eyes she slowly walked to an old and decrepit well which stood at the top of a small hill. She slumped on the edge of it, lazily pushing a pebble into the dark abyss below.
"Gummy...where did you go?"
Mabel laughed as she and Soos launched oversized bottle rockets into the air from a giant novelty tin can they found in the trash.
“Woah! That was a good one! I think you started a fire downtown,” Soos said, ignoring the fact that he had been rendered temporarily blind from the bright explosion. Waddles oinked in agreement, his pig brain completely enamored by the bright lights and loud sounds.
Mabel picked a big fat red rocket out from the pile they had amassed in a wooden crate. “This one's called the 'Oblitocrusher'!”
“Oooh,” awed Soos.
“The little label says it's banned in 122 countries.”
“That's how you know it's fun!” Grunkle Stan called out from his grill.
At this point Dipper emerged from the house, holding underarm the thick book that he had discovered on his first day in Gravity Falls. “What's going on out here?”
Stan waved at his great nephew. “Happy Independence Day, Dipper!”
“Uh, Grunkle Stan? It's not the 4th of July.”
“Not that Independence Day! Back in 1899, Gravity Falls voted to secede from the Union and become the Glorious Republic of Gravelfallia!”
“...You're kidding.”
“They voted themselves back in a month later after the novelty wore off. But I respect our history! I respect it so much that I let my niece play with light artillery!”
Mabel and Soos lit the Obliterocrusher, which flew off into the backyard and exploded into a skull-shaped mushroom cloud from behind the shack.
"C'mon Dipper!" Mabel replied pulling out another rocket. The one she retrieved was pure black, covered in a decal of a demon riding a flaming motorcycle made of bones. "These fireworks are awesome!"
"I'll...pass," he said before heading back inside.
Soos set the fuse on the next rocket, sending it screaming into the air. It flew higher than most and detonated hundreds of meters above the yard. The explosion effect was a curious one: two giant glowing strips of bacon, and a sizzling sound produced by the leftover burning gunpowder.
Waddles took one look at the display and squealed, darting off in the opposite direction of the sky meat.
Mabel took chase. "Waddles, wait! The rocket didn't mean it!"
Soos shrugged before setting up another missile, and Grunkle Stan laughed quietly to himself, "Man, that pig really wouldn't want to know what I'm cooking right now!"
Mabel chased Waddles around the house a few times before becoming winded. The pig's fat betrayed his speed, and Mabel would need outside assistance if she was to catch him before he ran away. She went inside the house, where Dipper was sitting in Grunkle Stan's recliner, his nose buried deep within his book.
The current passage that Dipper was reading was fascinating:
“Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that Gravity Falls lies in a particularly weak area between dimensions. So weak, in fact, that a tunnel or hole dug to certain specific dimensions could become a two-way wormhole. I believe I may have found just such a portal, which is—”
“Dipper!”
He looked up from his book to see Mabel clutching the doorway frame, gasping for breath.
“Bacon. Fireworks. Running.”
“You need help catching Waddles?”
Mabel nodded weakly. Dipper closed his book but still carried with him as they both walked outside. Waddles was still circling the house at very unpiglike speeds, and had started forming a small groove around the Mystery Shack. Soos was too enchanted by the fireworks to lend any assistance and Stan was lazy, so they were on their own.
Dipper outlined a plan where he would stand it Waddles' way, which would cause the pig to turn around. Then Mabel would jump on him and end his little marathon. Short and simple.
They waited until Waddles was on the other side of his track to take up positions. As expected, Waddles came barreling around the house until he saw Dipper in front of him. He skidded and attempted to run the other way, and Mabel jumped on top of the swine.
“Gotcha!”
Mabel couldn't celebrate just yet, though. Instead of giving up, Waddles ran off toward the woods with Mabel still clutching onto him. She screamed for help all the way as Dipper ran off after them, all three fading into the thick pine trees.
“Shouldn't we, like, help them?” Soos asked.
Stan pointed his spatula accusingly towards Soos, “Hey, a summer spent not screaming for help on the back of a runaway pig is a summer wasted."
Soos scratched his neckbeard thoughtfully, “True, true.”
Meanwhile, Waddles was expertly dodging Dipper's every attempt to catch him, weaving in and out of the increasingly dense shrubbery. Dipper almost considered dropping his book to gain speed, but it was too valuable to ever let out of his sight. Mabel was still crying for assistance when Dipper chased the pig through a wall of vines and dead branches, which led to a small open area in the middle of the woods.
Mabel finally let go when Waddles slowed down slightly, plopping right next to a ruined mine shaft that was strangely situated in the exact center of the clearing. Waddles continued to run circles in the field but Dipper ignored him as he went to his sister's aid.
“Mabel! Are you okay?”
“I'm a princess! Are you a princess too?” she mumbled, her eyes rolling.
That wasn't a completely odd response from his sister, and he sighed in relief. He looked up at Waddles, who showed signs of fatigue, “I guess I'll just wait here until he tires himself out.”
Dipper sat down and placed his sister's head on his lap before opening his book to kill time. He continued from the place he left off, where the mysterious author was talking about some kind of portal. He turned the page, which had the sketching of an old mine shaft, which was circled with writing alongside it.
“This is it! I've seen things emerge out of here that defy the limitations of imagination. This old silver mine shaft must lead to a world profoundly different form our own, but sharing enough physical laws to allow free access between the two. It seems all someone or something needs to do to go to the other side is simply fall down the portal.
Tomorrow, I'll begin my expedition into the this strange land. If the journal ends here, well, you can guess what happened to me.”
The sketch prompted Dipper to look behind him. The shaft in the clearing looked exactly like the one in the drawing. It was the one in the drawing. Before he had an opportunity to rise up and inspect it, Mabel began to come to and she rose up, holding her head.
“What year is it?” she asked before turning to the still-rampaging beast, “Waddles is one very fit pig.”
Dipper ignored her and was leaning over the rotten wooden shaft, peering into the darkness below, “I can't see anything...”
Just then, a strong gust blew from behind Dipper, sending his trademark hat off his head and down the mine shaft, prompting a panicked “oh no!”. He watched helplessly as it tumbled down the cavern and was swallowed by the inky blackness.
Pinkie Pie was still looking down into the well, the dark waters at the bottom just barely visible. She was trying to remember all the good times she had with Gummy, because it seemed like they were at an end. As she recalled all tickly bitings the alligator had ever given her, she heard a squeak. She could hardly believe her eyes when she glanced up and saw Gummy perched on the opposite side of the well, looking at her with vacant eyes.
“G-Gummy!” she shrilled with joy, and attempted to grab him from the other side of the well, “Come to Pinkie! She'll take you out of this mean old forest!”
The alligator stood still. He certainly didn't point out that in her haste, Pinkie Pie was starting to lean over the side of the stone well. He was almost within reach of Pinkie when her front end began to tilt ominously downward. When she was well past the point of return, Gummy looked down the well.
Pinkie looked too, and realized that she no longer had any part of her body actually hanging onto the well. She was floating in mid-air, and gravity was just about to catch up with her.
“Whoops...” was all she was able to say before plummeting into the dark chasm, her caterwauls echoing up the well walls until they finally faded away. Oddly enough, there was no splash.
Gummy blinked.
Dipper sat with his arms folded as he watched Waddles make his rounds. How much energy did that animal have?
“We should make pig riding a sport!” Mabel said, “we could make gazillions.”
Mabel's business proposition was cut short when another rocket soared into the air and exploded into the shape of sliced ham. Waddles saw it and immediately switched directions away from it, and right towards Mabel and Dipper.
The twins dodged out of the way as the pig crashed into the side of the mine shaft, collapsing it. The pig flew down the shaft, wailing all the way.
Pinkie and Waddles were falling in darkness. Pinkie up, Waddles down. As they both screamed on their respective journeys, they did manage to catch sight of each other in the black void, gaining eye contact for just a moment before their speeds separated them. Neither of them had time to contemplate the strange nature of their fellow traveler when bright points of light quickly came upon them, engulfing them.
Waddles was promptly spat out of the well with Gummy still on the well's edge. The pig oinked and walked off into the forest. Gummy crawled off the well and followed.
Mabel was rocking in a fetal position with her brother trying to console her and had no time to react when the mine shaft produced a pink object which shot out of the well, did a small arc, and landed right right beside the both them with a plop. It then opened its large eyes and smiled. Mabel was pretty much convinced that she had gone insane from the loss of her pig when it spoke:
“Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie! Did a little alligator follow me through that hole?”
Pinkie continued to call for her pet down the mineshaft. She asked variations this question for a few minutes, tilting her head every few questions or so to get a better look. While she did manage to get the attention of a few spiders, her treasured cold-blooded friend was nowhere to be found.
Eventually deciding that her valued pet was indeed not in the hole, she pulled her head and looked at the two strange creatures she had met when she first tumbled out. They were too shocked at first to answer where her pet might have gone, but they seemed to have recovered somewhat.
The male-looking one held some kind of thick book under hairless arms. He no had scales or claws to speak of and almost seemed to be studying her. Eggheads came in all sizes, she guessed.
The other one seemed to be the female variety of the species, and the same size as the male. She was wearing a light blue (and very oversized) sweater with the picture of a pink bow in the middle. Unlike the suspicious stare of the other alien, this was was looking at her with awe. It stepped forward, its eyes still huge with wonder.
"Oh. My. Gosh."
It suddenly lurched forward and snuggled her, "You are adorable!"
The male lifted a finger, "Mabel, you don't even know what that thing is. It could be a monster or an alien or some eldritch—"
Mabel let go and frowned at her brother, "Dipper! Don't you know a magic horse when you see one?"
Pinkie raised a hoof, "Actually, I'm a pony!"
"Even better!"
Pinkie clasped her face, "Ohmygosh! I didn't even introduce myself!" She pulled a kazoo out from a behind her, blowing a note before breaking out in dance and song.
♩ Hello! Hello! Hello! My name is Pinkie Pie! ♩
♩ I'm so very glad to meet you both, of this I can't deny! ♩
♩ We'll have so much fun together, just you wait and see! ♩
♩ And even though I have no idea where I am or where Gummy is and I'm probably lost forever I can definitely say that our friendship was meant to be! ♩
She finished her song with a powerslide, breathing heavily before the two twins, "I'd normally be covered in cake batter at this part. Oh well!"
Mabel was overcome with emotion and sat down with tears in her eyes, "That was beautiful."
Dipper nodded. "I gotta admit, it was impressive."
Mabel snapped out of her amazement and grabbed Pinkie, pressing the pony's eyes against hers, "Waddles! Did you see Waddles down there?"
"I saw a pig. He didn't look like he was having fun."
"Wait," Dipper interjected, "Where did you see Waddles?"
Pinkie pointed toward the well, "In there, I think. I fell down a well in the Everfree Forest."
"And Waddles fell down the shaft here! If you came out this end, Waddles must've come out the other!"
Mabel looked between the two, "So Waddles is...?"
"Waddles probably came out the other end of wherever that hole leads."
Mabel immediately began stomping toward the shaft before Dipper stopped her. "Wait! The book says either side of the hole can only transport stuff once every day or so."
"No Waddles?"
"Not until, tomorrow, at least."
Mabel relaxed, "Eh, least I know where he is. He'll stay put until we rescue him."
Pinkie pointed toward the shaft, "The other side of the hole is in the Everfree Forest. There's a lot of dangerous stuff there."
Mabel dismissed Pinkie's concerns, "Waddles knows how to take care of himself. He'll probably protect your alligator too. He's a tough pig," she said before raising a mighty fist and a thunderclap sounded out of nowhere, "A warrior pig!"
"Anyway..." Dipper interrupted, "Welcome to Gravity Falls, uh, Pinkie Pie?"
"Yep!"
"I'm Dipper, and this is my sister Mabel."
Mabel came up to Pinkie, grabbed her hooves, and began to jump. "We're gonna have so much fun! We can go fishing, or annoy Grunkle Stan, or play video games, or eat candy until we barf!"
"Oooh! I like that last one!"
Dipper smiled. This pony-thing seemed harmless enough as it hadn't tried to kill them so far. Heck, it even seem kinda friendly. Mabel continued to rattle off activities when Soos emerged from the trees, calling for them.
"Mabel? Dipper? Where are you guys? Okay, I'll make it simple: one scream for you got eaten by bears, and two screams for you got horribly mauled by werewolves!"
Dipper waved his arms, "We're over here, Soos!"
"How did they escape the werebears?" Soos asked himself as he walked over to the twins, who had a strange and colorful new companion with them. "Hey guys. What's that? Looks like some kinda camel."
"I'm a pony!"
"She's a pony!" Mabel affirmed with hands on her hips.
Soos picked up Pinkie by one of her hind legs and investigated her closely. The equine didn't mind at all, laughing as the manchild poked her sides to check her authenticity, "Woah, you're really light. Are you made out of marshmallows or somethin'?"
"Just 120% Pinkie Pie!"
Soos let her go. "Works for me. We should probably head back to the shack. Your friend comin' with?"
Mabel and Pinkie nodded and both bounced behind Soos as they traveled to the Mystery Shack, with Dipper alongside them. On the way, Pinkie got filled in on the strange new land she was in by Dipper.
"I'm where?"
"Gravity Falls, Oregon."
"We're in somebody's organs?"
"No! Oregon's a state."
"A wha?"
"States are part of the USA."
"What's the oosa?"
" The United States of America! It's a country. You're in it right now."
"Ohhhhh...do you have a princess?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"We just don't."
Mabel jumped, "Ooh! Ooh! I could be the princess! I'm already a congressman!"
"I'd vote for her," Soos said.
"We don't vote for princesses!"
"Wait, what's a congressman?"
Dipper was saved from a political argument when the Mystery Shack appeared in front of the thick pines. Grunkle Stan was in the front yard, apparently getting ready to ignite one of the rockets. As they drew nearer, Mabel whispered to Pinkie Pie.
"Pssst. Ponies don't normally talk around here. You might wanna do the dumb animal routine."
Pinkie responded with a motion of zipping her lips and a wink, and the laughing of Grunkle Stan washed over the gang as they approached him. As they drew closer, they realized that Stan wasn't trying to light the rocket, but was attaching something to it. Something struggling and snarling.
It was none of other than 'Lil Gideon, now firmly attached to a rocket with several bands of duct tape.
"C'mon, Gideon! You tried the 'sneak into my house under the cover of fireworks' thing last year."
Under strain, Gideon responded. "And I almost got in this time, too! You're letting your guard down, Stanford!"
"Yeah, yeah," Stan grumbled before he set the rocket on its side and kicked it. The rocket careened through the air, kicking up a plume of dirt as it hit the ground and rolled down the dirt road leading to the shack.
Gideon's voice cried out as it rolled away, interrupted every time his face rolled to the bottom and hit the ground, "Cuuuurse youuuu Standford Piiiiiiines!"
Stan dusted off his hands before turning to the group. "Crazy little munchkin. Oh hey. Did you catch, uh, Windle?"
"Oh, he's around," Mabel said and patted Pinkie on the back, "In the meantime, we found a pony!"
Pinkie whinnied in a perfect imitation of a horse, her pupils now wide and brainless.
"Huh. Looks like some kind of camel. Okay, have fun. Don't let it go on the carpet," Stan grunted as he returned to his grill and started using a turkey baster to drip gasoline into the fire inside.
All four of them went inside the shack, and as soon as they were in the door Pinkie returned to normal.
"What should be do first?" Mabel asked Pinkie.
"Video games!" answered Soos.
"Candy!" answered Pinkie Pie.
"Let's do both." Mabel said.
Soos looked shocked, "You're a madwoman, Mabel! That's why you're the brains of this operation!"
All three of them celebrated by cheering and ran into the living room. The sounds of crunching candy and exploding aliens soon poured out of it.
Dipper stepped outside for a moment to check on Grunkle Stan; he didn't want to have to explain why their new pet could talk. As luck would have it, Stan had fallen asleep at the grill, his snores smothered by the cracking of burning bacon. He probably wouldn't be awake for another few hours or until the grill caught fire.
With the threat of discovery minimal, Dipper went into the living room to read, at the same time keeping a close eye on Pinkie Pie. She seemed nice, but he didn't trust her completely just yet. As the bright pink Space Marine that Pinkie had chosen as her avatar slew another green-skinned monster, Dipper decided to ask a few questions. After all, Pinkie had done the same to him.
"So Pinkie. Where are you from?"
Pinkie somehow managed to keep playing the game with the same skill as she turned to Dipper to answer him, "Equestria."
"And you came here by yourself?"
"Yep!"
"And nobody sent you?"
"Not unless you count me!"
Her answers did seem sincere, and Dipper's fears that she might be some kind of spy where dampened somewhat. Dipper had no more questions and let Pinkie return to her game with Soos and Mabel.
Soos' overweight yet heavily-armored character had fallen early in battle from a stray spaceship landed on him, leaving Mabel's yellow-clad soldier with a kitten helmet and Pinkie's pink trooper to finish the job. They fought valiantly, crushing all the xenos in their path until they came face-to-face with the final boss, a space warrior like them but covered in black spikes and a deadly aura.
"Aw man, me and Dipper never got this far!" exclaimed Mabel as she and Pinkie did their best to slay the chaotic monster.
"For da Grand Duke!" Pinkie's space marine exclaimed as he charged with his chainsaw rifle before the final boss nonchalantly vaporized him, turning the once proud metahuman into a pile of ashes.
"Cleanse all x—" Mabel's character managed to utter before he too was obliterated by a black hole being summoned in front of him.
"YOU LOSE!" a cheery taunting voice told them, with bloody text overlaying the screen that said the same. The television screen then exploded, leaving all four of them staring at a smoking piece of electronic equipment.
Mabel stood up and dropped her controller, "That game cheated anyway. Come on Pinkie, let's go have ultra adventures!"
"Yes!" Pinkie shouted in agreement, and they both bolted out the back door to unleash untold mayhem upon Gravity Falls.
Soos had already knocked himself into a candy coma, so Dipper was left in peace to read his book. Now if he could only figure out where Equestria was...
Pinkie and Mabel jumped around on the springy mattresses of the Mattress Kingdom, occasionally passing each other and high-fiving in mid-air. The both laughed and giggled as they performed increasingly complex stunts and Mabel had disregarded her own advice and freely talked with Pinkie Pie, each of them daring each other to do one stunt or another.
The lowly mascot of the place ran around in futility trying to stop them, slowed down by his cumbersome king costume. He did almost manage to catch Mabel when Pinkie bounced off his head, sending him against a stack of mattresses still awaiting storage. Like a gruesome game of jenga, the futons all shook and began tumbling down top of him. Only a single shaking hand stuck out of the pile as his cries for help were muffled by the bedding.
"What," Pinkie said, continuing her sentence on the next jump, "now?"
Mabel thought about their next destination, taking on very introspective poses at each high mark of her hops before she had a solution, "I know! The city dump!"
Pinkie got off the mattress and took position as Mabel flipped several times off hers and landed on the pony's back. She then snatched the scepter next to the buried employee, and pointed it ahead.
"For fun!" Mabel declared, and Pinkie reared and ran out of the store with her friend in tow.
And Pinkie galloped down the street, a thought occurred to Mabel. Pinkie had mentioned Gummy, which she assumed was her pet or friend of some sort.
"Pinkie?" Mabel asked, and Pinke's head rotated like an owl.
"Yeah?"
"Aren't you worried about Gummy?"
"Nah, he's okay. I didn't feel it at first, but my Pinkie Sense tells me he's alright!"
As if on cue, her tail twitched. A potted plant fell out of the sky and hit Robbie square on the head as he was crossing the street. It twitched again and another potted plant appeared out of nowhere, which headed straight for Manly Dan as he was exiting the bar. Just as it was about to hit him, he swiftly grabbed it and crushed between his massive fingers, dust slowly floating out the bottom of his clenched fist.
"Nobody sneaks up on Manly Dan! Not even plants!" Manly Dan roared.
"Why did Pinkie have to choose today of all days to go missing!?" Twilight screamed in her jail cell. She buried her face in her hooves as Applejack tried to comfort her.
"Now Twi, there's no way even Pinkie could've known that Queen Chrysalis and King Sombra would have come back at the same time, and Discord would join 'em."
"It's just, If we had all the Elements, we could have stopped them."
A magical-chain-bound Princess Celestia shook her head, "Even the Elements wouldn't have saved us, Twilight. Our only hope now is—"
All the ponies in the cell paused as they heard sings of struggle above them, and a loud clunk. A changeling with a knot on his head rolled down the stairs.
A halo of light seemed to appear around the familiar pig as he walked down the staircase.
"Waddles!" all the ponies cried in unison.
Waddles carried the key ring in his mouth, and with an oink he jumped up and unlocked their cell door. The magical barriers around the cell shattered; Celestia's chains untied themselves and fell to the floor with a rattle. Not wasting a moment, they all ran up the stairs with Waddles leading them.
Gummy, in the meantime, was busy chewing on the KO'd changeling's head. It didn't bother him that Waddles was receiving all the credit for their quest. As long as he had someone to follow and heads to bite, he was happy.
By the time they had arrived the dump, Soos had woken back up and joined them on their quest for merriment. Mabel quickly assembled a fake racer crafted together from discarded sheet metal and car parts. She provided her own sound effects as she steered the cracked bowl that acted as the steering wheel. Soos provided commentary using an old cup as a microphone.
"And in 1st is Car No. M, a crowd favorite! Mabel 'Mad Dog' Pines has absolutely dominated the racing scene this year, coming in first in every competition she's entered, and in a few she didn't. She is now fifty laps ahead of every other racer, and it looks like this is going to be another easy victory for—what's this?"
Pinkie Pie galloped up besides the stationary pretend racer and ran in place alongside it.
"I don't believe it, folks! Pinkie 'Reddish White' Pie had broken out of the pack and is now threatening to overtake the lead!"
Pinkie slowly moved forward and backwards while still maintaining the same galloping speed, creating the simulation of a hotly contested competition.
"It's Pinkie Pie! It's Mabel! Pinkie! Mabel! Pink! Mabe!" Soos cried, now on the edge of his seat. He jumped off and grabbed the finish line, which was an old 2x4 with black and white squares painted on it. With the cup still in his hand he sat the board in front of the two as he continued to announce, "I've never seen anything like it, folks! It's gonna be a photo finish!"
Mabel got up from her car and dove toward the board, and Pinkie did the same. When the dust settled, Soos closely inspected Mabel's hands and Pinkie's hooves to see who was farther over the line. After some deliberation he lifted both of them, "It's a tie!"
"That means we both win!" Pinkie cheered.
Still held up by Soos, Mabel pointed towards another part of the town, "Let's go to the park! I'll race you there!"
Soos let go of both of them, but Pinkie seemed hesitant to go. "Only race?"
"With our eyes closed."
"You're on!"
They both took off, slamming into the side of buildings and trees all the way there. As they stumbled through town, a vengeful eye watched them.
"So, Mabel Pines," 'Lil Gideon hissed in his genteel southern drawl as he observed them through his telescope, "you found yourself a lil' ol' pony friend, instead of 'lil ol' me."
He looked towards his open 2, which had two pages showing various drawings and diagrams of ponies that looked very similar to the kinds of ponies from Equestria, "I think that Ms. Pie has overstayed her welcome. She's given you far too much attention that I rightly should be lavishing. It'd be a shame if she had...competition."
With that, he cackled like a madman. He stopped when the door to his room opened and his father peeked his head inside.
"Gideon," he asked innocently, "would you like an apple pie?"
"Yes, father."
Bud closed the door, and Gideon resumed his evil laughter.
Dipper had flipped through the book several times, but no other mention of the portal to Pinkie's homeland nor the strange nature of the pink pony had been revealed. All he could find were various supply checklists for venturing into the pit, and speculations by the author as to what they'd find.
He eventually gave up and began re-reading one of the older passages about the gnomes and noticed a tiny note scribbled in the corner that he had never noticed before:
Pit Exploration Log: W1 N2 F1
"W1 N2 W1?" Dipper repeated, holding the book sideways to check for some kind of hidden message. What the heck did that mean? "It's probably a code," he muttered as he began consulting the various decoders and answers that were scribbled within the pages of the tome.
Mabel squealed with delight as her and Pinkie Pie were playing rodeo down the main street. Most of the townsfolk had learned to tune the peppy girl out, but as they bucked past the local donut shop, Deputy Durland saw them as he was exiting it. He spit out his quadruple-glazed donut and immediately swung out his walkie-talkie.
"Sheriff! We got a 88-296! Runaway equine and accomplice!"
Blubs' patrol car immediately screeched into the parking lot and the fat policeman rolled down his window with a tranquilizer rifle in hand. "I finally get to use this on something that isn't Old Man McGucket!"
"Wooooo!" Durland hollered and hopped in the passenger seat but fell short, with his legs still sticking out window. The car's sirens blazed to life as they sped down the street to catch their suspect. When they came into sight, Blubs slammed his foot down on the brakes and the car skidded to a halt in front of them.
Pinkie looked up at Mabel, "Who are they?"
Mabel waved dismissively, "Aw, that's just the sheriff and his deputy. They're probably just wondering why Dipper isn't with me."
Blubs kicked the door of his car open and fired the tranq gun into the air, "Police! Hands and hooves up!"
Durland had used his gun for payment at the donut shop, and instead fired his taser as a warning. The electrodes swung into the air before landing back on his head, shocking him to the ground.
Mabel merely smiled as Blubs walked up to them, "Hi Mr. Blubs!"
Blubs lowered his shades, "Where'd you get that pony?"
"I found it!"
"Found it, huh? Hey deputy, you ever heard of some fancy city girl findin' a pony?"
The taser was still going full blast, but Durland still somehow managed to speak with a buzzing voice. "Nnnnope!"
The sheriff pulled up his pants, "That does it. You're coming downtown."
"We are downtown! The police station's right over there, silly."
"Just get over there!"
Mabel thought for a moment. With the exception of Waddles getting lost, this day had been too perfect thus far to end up in a jail cell. "Cheese it!" she yelled, and Pinkie Pie ran under the overweight officer. He stumbled and fired his tranq gun into the air a second time before falling to the ground, unable to get up from his own weight. The girl and the pony rounded a corner and were out of sight, leaving the cops writhing around on the ground.
As Blubs struggled, the first tranquilizer dart he had fired landed into his stomach. It didn't seem have an effect and he laughed. "Thank goodness for good old bl—" he said before passing out, drool pooling from his mouth.
It had taken Dipper hours to decipher the mysterious note; it wasn't a message hidden inside the book, it was a series of directions! Using an old map, he had figured out that the letters and numbers meant compass points and steps, respectively. From a certain spot in the forest, it was west one, north two, west one. With book in hand he went out the front door and past Stan, who was still napping in front of the grill.
"Be back in a sec, Grunkle Stan!" he shouted behind him.
Stan jumped awake. "Huh?" he managed to ask before a tranquilizer dart flew out of the sky and lodged in his neck, sending him right back out.
Dipper found the place in the woods that the book had hinted at, and began repeating the directions. "One step west, two steps north, one step WHOA!"
He had tripped over a small rock. As he rubbed his knee, he noticed that the rock's color scheme seemed off, and he crawled up to it and knocked it. The sound of the knock was hollow and metallic, and Dipper tried pulling up on the rock. It popped off and flew a few yards away, and under it laid a small leather-bound journal. He picked up it and immediately began reading it. The first page was filled with drawings and photographs of rich flora that definitely did not grow in Oregon.
The journal entries started off normal enough. The writer guessed that the portal was just a gateway to somewhere else on Earth, and it wasn't until the next few entries that anything unusual popped out. As Dipper flipped the page, he was greeted with the picture of several smiling little buglike animals. Notes had been made under it warning the reader that they were not harmless as they looked, and on the very next page there was a photo of a brilliant field of blue flowers. The words DO NOT EAT! underlined more than a few time was written under it.
About halfway through the log, things got interesting. Apparently the explorer had found his/herself a way out of the forest, and into some kind of village. There, they had snapped dozens upon dozens of pictures of ponies that had similar body shapes to Pinkie Pie. Some of them even had horns, or wings.
They seemed harmless enough. The journal ended with some strange references to something called the amniomorphic spell. The last entry was nothing but a blank page with more coded directions:
E5917 S2019 E10193
"Really!?"
Pinkie Pie and Mabel were taking a break at Greasy's Diner. Mabel had gotten a booth for them both and as usual it took a while for Lazy Susan to finally come around to them.
"Hi, Mabel! Who's your friend?"
"This is Pinkie Pie. She's sick nasty!"
Lazy Susan frowned, "Oh no! Hope she gets better soon!" she said and wandered off without even asking what they wanted. Pinkie's stomach growled.
Mabel smiled. "She usually remembers to take your order on the third go around, unless it's Sunday. There's a method. Hey! Bet I can get all the napkins out on my side of the dispenser before you can! "
"You're on!"
Before they could, the door to the diner flew open. Mabel whipped around to see 'Lil Gideon walk in carrying a box of chocolates. As he floated down to their table with a mix of unbridled hatred and absolute adoration plastered over his face, Lazy Susan came by and placed two plates of sliced pie on their table.
"Here you go, ya sillies! Just like you wanted!"
Pinkie smiled, "Thanks!"
Lazy Susan stood there for a moment and blinked, her brain still trying to process the fact that Pinkie just talked. After a moment, she patted Pinkie's head. "Good doggie!" she blabbed before walking off. It was at this point that Gideon had made his way to their booth and started to talk.
"Mabel Pines! Why, what an absolute coincidence that you, and I, would meet in such a quaint little restaurant such as this!"
"Uh, hi Gideon."
Pinkie lifted her face from the pie to wave, "Hi!"
"And what's this? Oh, well this is just divine. I had bought myself a box of chocolates to enjoy, but I feel like they'd be better suited for a much more delicate creature," he said, raising his eyebrows a few times.
The self-proclaimed psychic placed the box on Mabel's table, and she slid it over. "Well, thanks."
Gideon continued to stare at her, his mouth puckered into a devilish grin, "You're very welcome, Mabel Pines." He started walking backwards out of the restaurant, and closed the door in front of him.
Pinkie pointed towards the box of sweets, "You want those?" Mabel slid the box toward her and Pinkie Pie's tongue wrapped around it and pulled it into her gaping maw, swallowing it with one bite. "Mmmm!"
Lazy Susan came around again and gave them a second round of pie, "Here you go, ya sillies! Just like you wanted!"
Mabel and Pinkie Pie eventually escaped Susan's loop and were headed toward the Arcade when they spotted Gideon in front of the doorway, wearing the same evil grin from earlier.
"Chocolates?" he asked, presenting another heart-shaped box from behind his back. Pinkie took the box and scarfed the candy down, sending chocolate chunks against Gideon's face. He did nothing against the injustice but give a forced smile, with the tiniest twitching from his left eye.
Mabel put her hand on her hips, "Okay, Gideon. Why you cray cray nice all of the sudden?"
Gideon laughed dismissively, "Oh Mabel. I know we've had some rough spots—"
"You did try to kill Dipper."
"But I've put all of that behind us! I just want a fresh start and show that any friend of Mabel Pines is a friend of mine!"
Pinkie lifted her head from the box, her face stained with chocolate. "Everypony's my friend!" she announced before resuming her ravaging of the sweets.
Mabel scratched her chin and glared at Gideon. "Hmm..." she hummed, causing Gideon's eyes to dart around nervously. "Okay!"
Pinkie and Mabel walked past Gideon and into the arcade. When they were out of earshot, he steeped his hands diabolically. "So close. So very close."
When the two exited the arcade, Mabel didn't notice Pinkie's failure to follow her. The pony had instead been distracted by a line of very tasty chocolates of the same kind Gideon had given her that had been set out from the door of the arcade to the edge of the forest. She went down the line to eat every one. When she reached the last one, she savored it by chewing it much longer than the others, giving Gideon the opportunity he needed to spring his trap. A rope suddenly wrapped itself around Pinkie's legs and hoisted her into the air, hanging her upside-down from a tree branch. She didn't notice her capture until she finished her treat and swallowed.
"Hey!" she declared as she opened her eyes to see her skewed perspective, "Uh oh. Did somepony let out Discord again?"
"The only discord you'll find is your own," Gideon drawled as he stepped out of the shadows. "Wait, that didn't make any sense. I mean, discord's the least of your problems. Crud! Uh, when I'm through with you, you'll wish you found discord! Yeah, that works."
Pinkie Pie swung around, "Let me go!"
"Oh, I will." Gideon produced a small glowing amulet. "I just need a little something from you first."
Dipper's long journey to find the next expedition log finally came to an end when he tripped over a fake metal badger. As with the first, he began on the first page and hoped that he'd be able to learn something more about Pinkie Pie's homeland before they sent her back.
Early on, the writing seemed to become frantic. It described various other humans finding their way to this strange land. Apparently, the author had let it slip that the portal to Equestria existed, and people started trying it out for themselves.
Then it got really weird. This people weren't just going there for the sake of curiosity, they wanted to be there. The writing seemed to be written in haste and panic as it described the strange-sounding spell that had been mentioned offhand in the first journal being used to...
Dipper rubbed his eyes. Was he reading this right? Apparently the spell's knowledge had been released too, and humans were leaping into Equestria, turning themselves into ponies, and erasing their own memories the process. It was practically an invasion!
Most of the pages after that were gibberish. Only on the last few pages did the writing seem to calm down and the words became legible again. The author stated they had erased their own memory out of disgust of the event and would bury the journals for safekeeping. It ended there, with no other directions to any more logs.
"—And then I made the pelican say 'because he had a large bill!'" Mabel hooted, slapping her knee. She turned around when she noticed that the high-pitched giggles of Pinkie Pie were absent, and the pink pony was nowhere to be seen.
"Pinkie?" she questioned the darkness, "Oh Pinkie! We already played Creepy Hide n' Seek."
Silence.
"Pinkie?"
"This ends now!" the Discord-Chrysalis-Sombra fused entity screamed, the entire throne room of Canterlot growing dimmer from the sheer darkness of its voice. Waddles oinked and ran toward the monster, his tiny little legs working in overdrive. The fusion of evil launched a barrage of magical energy toward him and he dodged it by jumping up and landing on Princess Celestia's throne.
As the combined evil readied another attack, Princess Luna flew in from the window and threw a sword made from the Elements of Harmony at Waddles, who leaped up and caught it with his mouth. He struck away the bolt with the mighty weapon and slid across the room, turning toward the monster with an vengeful eye.
"So be it!" the monster said as it pulled out a chitinous candy cane made of dark magic out of a portal. The two charged at each other, deciding the fate of Equestria once and for all.
"Pinkie?" Mabel asked again.
"Over here."
Mabel squinted to see something walking its way under the light of a nearby street lamp. It stood on four legs and possessed a light blue coat of fur. Its mane was white, and one each of its flanks were pictures of a question mark. It also had unmistakable dimples, and when it spoke Mabel's spine shivered.
Dipper sprung into action when he heard his sister's screams. The cries for help chilled his spine; he had never heard his sibling this scared, and Mabel once poked Bigfoot's eye with the fun stick without flinching. Tree branches and roots fought him every step of the way as the screaming grew louder. He didn't know what was around the next cluster of trees, and picked up the heaviest branch he could find as he rounded the fir and struck the most menacing post he could.
"I'm here Mabel! I'm..." he declared before trailing off. Instead of finding his sister at the mercy of some horrible monster, he saw Pinkie crying for help, her legs bound in a snare at the top of a branch.
"Heeeeelp! Heeeeeelp! Oh, hi Dipper! Heeeeeeelp!"
Not the person he was looking for, but whoever tied her up probably knew where Mabel was. He tried to convince Pinkie to be quiet and stay still long enough so he could figure out how to get her down, but she only screamed more. Eventually her rocking broke the branch she was tied to and it snapped, sending the pink pony and the tree limb plummeting down to the Earth. Dipper ran over and untied the knots to the branch.
"How did you end up there?"
Pinkie frowned, "Oh, you're not gonna believe it! I was just walking along and I saw a piece of candy on the ground! So I thought, 'Woohoo! Free candy!' So I gobbled it up and there was another piece of candy! Best day ever! I kept following the line of chocolate and all of the sudden I'm hanging from a tree! That little guy was really rude too. He—"
"Gideon!"
Pinkie nodded, "Yeah! He had a really weird glowing gem. He zapped me with it, and then he ran off. And then you found me!"
Dipper scratched his chin, "And you didn't notice anything...weird about him?"
Pinkie opened her mouth to answer before Mabel's cries for help once again rang through the forest.
"Oh man! Oh man! If Gideon's got Mabel, we'll never reach her in time!"
"Never say never! Unless you think 'never' is a funny word! Then you say it all the time until Twilight or Rainbow Dash or Applejack tells you to stop!"
"What?"
"Nothing! Let's ride!"
Dipper jumped on Pinkie's back, but she refused to move. "Pinkie! We've gotta go!"
"Nuh uh. You gotta say the magic word first!"
"Pinkie!"
"That's it!" Pinkie squealed, and both of them sped off towards Gravity Falls.
Gideon had not counted on how hard it would be to tie Mabel to a lamp post when he lacked thumbs and she punched him every step of the way. He still had a few rope fibers in his mouth, but Mabel was secure and unable to escape what he had planned.
"Let me go you crazy midget horse!" she growled and began chewing her own bindings.
"But I did this for you, Mabel Pines."
"I am not marrying a horse, Gideon!"
Gideon's eyes flared and he snorted, "My name is not Gideon! That was my human name! You can call me Far Sight. It's the only name I'll answer to now."
Mabel blinked. "Pfffffttthahahaha! Far Sight! And I guess my name'll be Shooting Star or something, right?"
"Yes, actually," Gideon replied, picking up a small glowing gem with his mouth, "This little doohickey here—"
"Heh heh. Doo."
"—has such a wonderful little feature," Gideon said as he turned his back and went into full monologue mode, "You see, a long time ago some people found out about that little hole in the forest. So they went through, and what did they find but the most delightful land of ponies and magic and friendship? They liked it so much, they never wanted to leave! That's went they found this little number in that little ol' mine shaft. With just a small genetic sampling from any pony, it can turn anyone into a pony. You, for example. Don't you see Mabel? We can be together forever!"
Mabel rolled her eyes, "Nah. I like having fingers."
Gideon bit down on the gem and it glowed with a brilliant blue hue, "Too bad!"
Before he could fire it, he was hit in the side by a pink blur and he gem flew out of his mouth. The beam went wide, down the street and towards the still-unconscious Blubs and Durland. The blue streak of energy hit them both and with a bright flash they were turned into earth ponies, with donut cutie marks.
The force of the impact sent Gideon flying and he smashed up against the Gravity Falls Gossiper. He rose to his hooves to see Dipper riding on top of Pinkie Pie, both of them glaring at him angrily.
"Give it up, Gideon!" Dipper said as he pointed the tree branch he had acquired earlier at the former human, "Mabel's not going to marry you!"
"I beg to differ!" Gideon yelled as he dove for them gem. He reached it before Pinkie and Dipper had a chance to intervene, and he bit down on the smooth artifact. A red orb of energy enveloped him, and when it cleared it was apparent that he had gained wings. He launched himself at Mabel and plucked her right out of her rope bindings, carrying her off into the sky with his front hooves while she punched his stomach every inch of the way.
It was at this time that Soos' pickup truck appeared around the corner and stopped right in front of Mabel's rescuers with an awkward shake. The Mystery Shack's sort-of-janitor poked his head out the window.
"Dude! My Soos Sense was going kooky! You guys need help?"
"Do we ever!" Dipper replied as he and Pinkie jumped into the bed of the truck. "Follow that pegasus!"
Soos stepped on the gas, burning rubber as the poorly-maintained vehicle followed Gideon.
They pursued him for a while before Gideon turned around and the gem in his mouth grew bright. "That's it! Try driving a truck now!" he screamed as a bolt was sent right at Soos' vehicle. It phased right through the windshield and hit Soos square in the chest. He was instantly transformed into a fat earth pony.
The truck swerved all over the road as Soos struggled to maintain control with his hooves. Pinkie and Dipper fared little better as they were thrown all about the bed.
"Dudes! I'm crazy wiggin' out!" pony Soos yelled as the truck veered off the road and hit a large boulder. The force of the impact send Pinkie and Dipper flying upward and toward Gideon. Pinkie overshot the little maniac but Dipper managed to catch his back legs.
"Mabel's not going to marry you, Gideon!"
Mabel continued to fight her captor. "Yeah! Marrying ponies isn't even legal!"
Gideon growled, "It's Far Sight! And true love knows no laws!" he bellowed as he bit the gem again and grew a horn. While he was distracted with his upgrade, Dipper took the opportunity to kick Gideon in the stomach at the same time Mabel punched him, knocking the wind out of him. His wings cramped up and they all went into a freefall, screaming all the way down toward the same clearing where they had discovered the well.
The driver's door opened on Soos' steaming truck as the transformed manchild fell out of the car and stood up, looking at one of his hooves. "I wonder..." he said aloud before crouching down and taking a bite of grass. He spit it out and continued to spit until the aftertaste was gone. "Ewwww! Still not good!"
Luckily, the three hit the high branches of one of the evergreens and they tumbled down it instead of hitting the ground full-force. They were deposited on the very edge of the clearing Dipper had discovered, the mine shaft clearly visible upon the small hill. Gideon was the first to come to and he grabbed Mabel, dragging her towards the portal. Mabel started to fight as she woke up and Dipper recovered as well, jumping and grabbing onto Mabel's legs as Gideon dragged them both.
When they were at the mine shaft, Gideon turned around with the gem in his teeth shining with power. "Now, Shooting Star, we can live out the rest of our days as perfect alicorn spouses! We'll live forever in pony paradise. Won't it be wonderul?"
Mabel and Dipper closed their eyes for the inevitable blast, but it never came. They instead heard Gideon cry out in pain. Mabel opened her eyes to see Waddles standing on top of the defeated pony Gideon, his beady little eyes seemingly ignorant of his feat.
"Waddles!" she cried and she ran over to him. "I swear I'll never eat another piece of bacon as long as I live!"
Gideon moaned from the weight on top of him. When Waddles had landed on him, he had dropped the gem and it had rolled right in front of Dipper. He picked it up, inspecting it closely.
Gideon reached out one hoof. "Don't you touch that! If it gets cracked, it'll—"
He covered his mouth before he revealed too much. Dipper smiley coyly as he set the gem on the ground, then stomped it into dust. A massive eruption of white light emerged from the remains of the gem and for a moment the entire countryside of Oregon was set alight. When the luminescence finally subsided, Gideon was back to normal and so were Soos and the cops.
The former pony looked up at his normal human hands and threw a temper tantrum, "I was so close! We could've been so happy in Equestria! It's not fair! Not not not fair!"
Dipper got up. "Gideon, kidnapping people and screaming at them isn't going to make them like you any more. You could try, you know, not attempting to curse or vaporize anyone who makes you mad."
Gideon's tears dried instantly as he jumped up and pointed a finger at Dipper, "Never! This isn't over yet, Dipper Pines!" he said before taking off into the forest.
As Mabel continued to hug Waddles, she noticed something different about her pig. Both of his sides were covered in medals and awards, and he was wearing some kind of tiara on his head. He was also wearing Dipper's hat on his curly tail. "Waddles! Did you have an adventure without me?"
Waddles oinked. When he did, Pinkie Pie landed on her head next to the twins.
"Whoops! Aimed too high! So, did we win?
Mabel and Pinkie (plus Waddles) spent most of the next day hanging out in peace, covering every location and causing mayhem in all the places they had missed on the first. When the sun began to set, they all met at the mine shaft in the clearing.
"So, I guess this is goodbye," said Dipper, with a voice much more forlorn than he expected. He had found Pinkie kind of annoying at first, but the pink little blob of fun had grown on him.
Mabel's eyes were overflowing with tears as she squeezed the pink pony, "You're eighteen kinds of awesome, Pinkie! I'm gonna miss you so much!"
Pinkie patted Mabel's back, "I know, I know. Gummy's probably worried sick about me. And hey, we can always visit each other!"
Mabel dried her tears, "Yeah, that's true. Hey, when I visit you, let's eat cookies until they ban them!"
Pinkie high-hooved Mabel, "Yeah!" She and Mabel hugged one last time before she walked up to the edge of the mine shaft. She looked over her shoulder at the waving twins and waved back before jumping down the shaft and back to her own world.
The well spat her out with no ceremony and she hit the ground with her tummy. She patted herself off before looking up at the sky, "Huh. Only evening. I bet I can still find Gummy!"
She began to call after her pet, not knowing that he had been waiting at the well's edge for hours and bit onto her as soon as she emerged from the portal. He was still clutched tightly onto her tail as she walked deeper into the Everfree Forest, continually asking for the little alligator to come to mama.
