//------------------------------// // Chapter 28 // Story: Forgiveness Pending // by Kiroberos //------------------------------// Darkness. A deep, inner peace. My muscles loosened and unwound; they were long overtaxed from two lives of never really being able to stop moving. It would be nice to rest finally. Sleep had always eluded me it seemed. I can recall my original self having to always sleep with one eye open in bunker after bunker. His memories seemed to translate into me for the most part. Now I was haunted by them and still hadn't slept well, even in Equestria. But they were fragmented. Even knowing what I was didn't give me all the details. Things were missing or lost; the transfer to Equestria was apparently a bit more violent than anticipated. Not that it mattered anymore. I could finally relax. After two lifetimes of conflict and stress, it would definitely feel good to be able to stop. It was finally over. The final act hadn't concluded on a happy note at all, and I turned out to be the roll of the jester, but at least it was finally over. To go through my entire life without really knowing my place, then to have it snatched away as soon as I found it felt immensely cruel still, but there was nothing I could do. Maybe something, somewhere, had at least been amused by the antics. I wouldn't be a very good jester if nopony got a laugh from it. Now, no matter what awaited me, I knew I could at least rest. That would be good. The darkness continued, and I paused. No, there was something off. Oh, wait. A moment later, an annoyed sensation drifted through me and I sighed, opening my eyes again. Nope. Not the afterlife. That was just the inside of my eyelids. Damn it. Princess Luna glared at me still. The burning sensation still pressed into my neck, but barely dug in a centimeter into my armor. What?! The level of energy there should have been able to slice right through me! Why had she stopped it? Sure enough, she held the energy back herself as her eyes narrowed. I took a step forward to try to complete the stroke, but she pulled the blade away entirely, her massive aura that practically darkened the sky itself seemingly retreating into her body again. "Thou shows extreme intelligence, yet wishes to die. CAN THOU SPEAK FOR THYSELF, BEAST?!" she asked a moment later, shifting back to whatever the hell that tone was and actually pushing me backwards with the force of her voice. Well hell; maybe my head would explode if I listened for long enough and she wouldn't even need to attack! After her voice receded, I wobbled on my legs for a second before shaking my head clear again. The reality set in a moment later. She was suspicious of me for some reason. My eyes narrowed as well as I glared back at her a moment later, requesting, "Just kill me. You have the power to. Destroy me." She had to! I wasn't sure what else would at this point, and I had no idea how to turn back to my other form. Not that I wanted to turn back in front of her. If she knew who I was, there'd be no end to the shame involved on my part. She relaxed rather than get angry, however. "Why?" she asked simply, causing me to twitch. "I just killed Twilight Sparkle! You should hate me! Plus, I'm a direct threat to Equestria. Open your eyes and look at me. You should be able to see what a monster I am," I reasoned. There were so many reasons why she should kill me that I was having difficulty grasping why she'd even question it! The guards looked confused at this point, keeping their weapons drawn but now looking back and forth between Princess Luna and I. She lost her glare and shifted to a more neutral expression, standing up straight again. "Thou has a startling visage, but we have seen far worse. You may speak however, and know of your supposed crimes. We are concerned that thou may be clever enough to abuse thus facts," she spoke plainly, much quieter again. My ears lowered. I should have just growled at her and attacked. Then she'd have no choice but to kill me. Wait, that was it! "Fine. If you won't kill me, I'll just have to kill all of you instead. How does that sound?!" I suggested, tentacles extending upwards into the air again, blades popping out menacingly. The reaction was both as expected and less than satisfactory at the same time. The guards snapped to attention instantly, backing away from me and lowering their weapons to cover the Moon Princess. Luna herself looked more amused than anything, sadly. Her left eyebrow rose momentarily before she nodded and stepped forwards, pushing a spear out of her way and narrowing the gap between us by a meter or so. "Very well, Creature. Thou has a deal. If you strike out at us with all your strength with intent to kill, we shall destroy you," she agreed, watching me carefully. What? My mind stalled as I stared at her in surprise. What the hell?! For a moment, I couldn't even manage to formulate a proper thought process in which to consider what she just said. In my delay, she actually shifted to a smile instead, moving her balance more to the side and giving me an impatient yet deeply amused look. Damn it. She was mocking me! All it needed to be was close, though. My tentacle on the upper right side whipped down in an instant, scythe blades moving in on her neck with calculated precision. "No!" one of the soldiers screamed from behind her as he started to rush forwards. She watched the blade come down an instant later, and... I stopped it less than a millimeter from the skin of her neck, glaring at her. The step of her dodging it and obliterating me was strangely absent as she just stood there, watching me. I swallowed, tentacle twitching as I couldn't bring myself to touch the blade against her fur. Damn it! "Thou hesitates? No such moment existed for Twilight earlier, yet thou claims her death was an atrocity. Where is the difference between her and us?" Princess Luna asked softly, calling me out on my bluff. I continued glaring at her before shivering and taking a few steps backwards, withdrawing my tentacles as all the soldiers stared in shock. "You wouldn't have struck me regardless, I suspect. The truth is rather obvious, as it doesn't exist in thou's prior statement. What is the truth then, pray tell?" she asked again a moment later, watching me curiously now. My ears flattened back and I scowled at her, still unable to bring myself to lash out and actually hit her. I sighed wearily and lowered my head. Well, there was more than one way to go about this. To my credit, she actually looked surprised when I dropped onto my forward knees, forming a polite and proper bow. "Please, Princess Luna. I represent a threat to Equestria, and you watched me kill your sister's faithful student. I need to be destroyed," I requested, voice softening and losing some of the harsh edge around the lower tone. She frowned but closed the gap to just a meter finally, standing almost right in front of me. I remained in my bowed posture. "We are now unsure of what it was we just saw. Anger clouded our judgment and we failed to notice a lack of our dear friend's magical residue in the area. If that was indeed Twilight, surely she would have resorted to magic for her defense, right?" she suggested logically, tilting her head. Crap. That was cheating! I hesitated, but shook my head. "I broke her horn off. She couldn't cast anything," I corrected, looking back up at her. If that excuse had worked on Rainbow and Applejack, surely there was some truth behind it. She just smiled however and shook her head. "Our skills are not that of a fundamental level. We need no spell cast to sense our friend's aura residue," she assured. Okay, that was definitely cheating! Before either of us could say more however, the sound of frantic flapping came to my attention. My ears perked up instantly and swiveled around to behind the Princess. A pegasus? Uh oh. Thankfully, a lightly armored guard drifted in instead of any hinting of rainbow or cyan coloring. I should have known. It sounded a little sloppy for Dash's flying. He wobbled as he landed, looking downright exhausted. "P-Princess Luna! I have a report from Ponyville! There's been an attack and," he started to relay before finally noticing me and letting out a sharp squeak. As much as I knew about the 'attack' from an intimate position, I was curious for new information. Princess Luna looked back at me carefully, her eyes shooting me a questioning glance. I hesitated for a moment before giving her a slow nod, lowering all of my extra appendages and retracting the sharp and pointy bits back into them. She watched for a moment before subtly nodding as well and shifting back to the messenger. "Worry not. Speak forth your information for us to hear. This one will not interfere," she assured confidently. I got a little paranoid at that point. She was highly intelligent, obviously. If she figured out who I was... The scout looked less than assured, but shakily turned back to her and bowed. "Ah, well there was an attack by a shape-changing entity. The Elements of Laughter and Honesty intercepted, but it got away and fled into the, um, forest. I think you might have found it already, though," he muttered, glancing back over at me nervously. The Princess of the Moon frowned and looked back to me as well. "We are unsure. What was the attacker to look like?" she inquired curiously. "T-That's the thing! Applejack, er, the Element of Honesty reported the creature appearing as Twilight Sparkle herself!" he exclaimed. Damn it. Well, at least I knew Applejack wasn't hurt in the explosion from the Slipstream emanation. Assuming as he didn't mention Pinkie, I figured she was probably perfectly fine. Hell, she was Pinkie Pie. I doubted physics would allow her to be hurt in the first place. Princess Luna smiled almost instantly and nodded. "That is very informative. We thank you, truly. Was anypony hurt?" Shouldn't she have asked that first? The scout seemed to finally relax a little before shaking his head, apparently deciding I really wasn't going to rip him in half and consume him. Oddly, the other guards behind her lowered their weapons a little as well, simply watching me instead. "No. The two Elements involved suffered only minor wounds. Moon Mender has been reported missing however! The Element of Magic herself has guessed that he was somehow captured before the creature fled. She sent me to report to you while she gathered the rest of the Elements," the scout reported further. I swallowed, ears lowering as I took a step back and away from them. All six of them were coming here? That didn't bode well for my cover remaining a secret. Princess Luna watched me carefully, seemingly analyzing my every move as she saw me step backwards. All the guards, including the scout with lighter armor, focused intently on me again as well, probably following Princess Luna's lead. The fact that they all looked so bloody similar just made it all the more unnerving. On that note, I decided I still had no idea what was wrong with their wings to be bat-like and membranous, but I was starting to bet that it had something to do with their similar appearance. "Thou seems uneasy over the news. Pray tell; what causes thy discomfort?" the Moon Princess asked, tone surprisingly pleasant as she smiled lightly. I just murdered her friend in front of her! No, she had already guessed that wasn't Twilight... I'd hoped she hadn't guessed my identity as well, but I had to attempt to maintain as if she hadn't. "The Elements of Harmony are powerful. I prefer to not be on the receiving end of that," I admitted in perfect honesty. The dark alicorn momentarily looked surprised before smirking again and actually giggling. "Worry not, young one. We had no intentions of directing their ire towards you. I'm more interested in the creature you defeated; the imposter who took our dear friend's likeness. If you fought her, surely thou must know about her?" she reasoned gently, gesturing absently towards the badly damaged corpse not two meters away. This was seemingly the first time the scout noticed it however, as he let out a stressed squeaking noise and shuffled away from it as the Princess gestured. Sighing, I nodded in agreement. "A little. She's not of this dimension. Her body was amorphous yet still allowed her to cast her spells. We fought after she threatened to destroy Ponyville," I explained, keeping my voice neutral as I glazed over everything I thought I could get away with. The Princess smiled as she listened, then upon completion, asked, "Thou heard the report. Has there been any signs of wayward Moon Mender in thy travels?" That one I saw coming and had an answer prepared for it. "The scrawny blue stallion? He was dead when I found the two of them, and I ate him first," I answered easily, chest feeling a little colder as I stared absently at her. Her smile wavered momentarily before she resumed it, looking oddly amused. Yeah, it didn't look like she bought it. Well, technically it was true in a metaphorical sense. "Interesting. Thou's magic twists just so when speaking fabrications, we notice. You try to steer towards thy own destruction, yet you say not why. You are curious indeed. Although are we wrong in considering that thou's magic also feels familiar?" she guessed, tilting her head towards me. My heart dropped into my stomach. I had been outclassed from the very beginning. My only true chance to get her to destroy me was to have taken advantage of her rage at the start. I was a fool to have not attacked her then. Now, I had the sneaking feeling that even though she didn't openly say anything, she knew exactly who I was. My racing thoughts must have been rather obvious, as her smile grew and her eyes shifted mirthful. For the second time however, we were interrupted. A low whistling noise with several calculated flaps mixed in sounded off to my left. That was indeed the sound of a pegasus, but far more precise and coming in much faster than the scout had. Son of a bitch... I turned just in time to see the bolt of cyan streak in at high velocity, sliding along the ground and knocking bits of ash and debris up as she slowed to a stop. The wind almost stroked her wings as she whipped them down in a final breaking motion, tail whipping wildly to the side as she leaned against her momentum. I watched her rather graceful landing with no small amount of appreciation as the rampant apprehension seeped into my veins. Now, ironically, she was one of the last ponies I had wanted to see at the moment. Well, to be more specific; who I wanted to see me. Interestingly enough, a rather beautiful necklace of a golden hue resided around her neck, center gem in the shape of her very own Cutie Mark. I had an uneasy suspicion that was more than a fashion accessory, apart from simply the mare who wore it hating fashion... Her gaze dragged across the surprised Princess Luna with a pleased yet excited smile adorning her expression. It all but shattering as her rose-colored eyes locked onto me instead. In an instant, her expression melted into one of shock and unabated horror as she scanned my form easily enough in the full moonlight. That look destroyed me in an instant, bringing forth far more misery than Nirru could ever hope to do. Shame and a raw sense of exposure set every nerve in my body on fire at the same moment. There was no conscious choice, as often the case in times of duress. The lukewarm sickening sensation overwhelmed me in an instant. All eight of my added limbs whipped forward in an instant, latching onto the ground as they went. "Wait!" Princess Luna call out as I flung myself backwards into the forest in less than the blink of an eye. It didn't register, as all I could see was Rainbow's look of disgust. * * * * * I let out a weary gasp as the flat of my upper right tentacle splattered against the back of my well armored neck, breaking open and reforming into me instantly, only to restore itself to its proper place a few seconds later. It was no good. The blades retracted an instant before touching my neck. Letting the blade fall using gravity didn't work either. I mentally checked it off my list, having failed in the fifth attempt to slice my own head off. I couldn't self-terminate. It was hard coded into whatever root program controlled me, it would seem. Shivering, I curled up tighter into a little ball, trying not to cry. My emotions were a jumbled mess. Honestly, I just wanted to scream and scream, lashing out and bashing apart anything near me until I felt better. My chest felt like a bubbling, pressurized soda bottle at this point, up to and including the dull, frozen ache I imagine being refrigerated would bring. I whimpered lightly, wishing something even nastier than myself would come along and tear into me. The forest shivered in the wind around me, the sound almost as if a low whimper of sympathy as the darkness consumed everything. I liked the darkness, honestly. Sure it meant I couldn't see as much, but it also meant that nopony could see me either. At the moment, that was a very comforting fact. I peeked out over the small rock I rested on and glanced into the ground pool under me. The moonlight shimmered through the upper cracks in the trees high above, giving me a crystal clear reflection of the night sky in the water. I watched the beautiful, white orb drift upwards into the sky, wondering what time it was. A pop up display appeared in the lower right corner of my eyes, displaying an accurately synced to the second clock based off the last time I looked at the clock in Twilight's living room. Ugh. Uh, thanks I guess? Regardless, I duly noted that it was twenty three, fifty eight. Almost a new day. I must have escaped from Princess Luna hours ago. Idly, I wondered what everypony was doing. It was a bitter thought. I couldn't go back now. Even if I could somehow keep it hidden from everypony; even if the Princess kept it a secret, I knew what I was. That's all I could consider. I wasn't real! I was some fake mash-up of living computer components and biological weaponry cleverly designed to look like a pony. Something like that didn't have a use here, in Equestria. Suddenly I remembered what Celestia had said a while ago. It wasn't fair, still. I had found my place here! It was where I wanted to be. I wanted to stay with Fluttershy, Twilight, and all of the wonderful ponies. The second I decided I wanted it however, then and only then did I lose it all. It was like a sick joke. She told me to make my place here and decide it for myself. Well now she saw where that got me! There is no place here for a monstrous biological weapon like me. Why couldn't I have just been normal? I glared at my own reflection in the water, the cold blue eyes staring back at me. I was a mockery of my old self at this point. At least, the tentacles having been out for a while now, they had healed up the sores and boils nicely. Maybe it had been a byproduct of trying to form them so fast? Regardless, it certainly smelled a few hundred degrees better! Gotta think positive, right? I might be a killing machine who's lost its entire purpose in all of existence that's been shunned by everypony and forced to live in a dark, ancient forest for the rest of my natural or unnatural lifespan, but at least I smelled better now. Yup. Positive. At least I managed to chuckle to myself. Still, for places to be stuck, at least it was pretty. I stared down at the water again. The wild and untamed forest drifted all around me in the current, the darkness only serving to cloak me as I hid. Slowly, I closed my eyes and just listened to the forest around me. The noises were back, and I heard all manner of wildlife around me from cicadas to owls. It was a pleasant, relaxing experience that I embraced like a starving pony to a pile of apples. Apples. I wondered how Applejack was doing. She had seen a lot of horrible things tonight. I hoped she was okay. Quietly, I curled up on the rock, feeling years’ worth of weariness crush down upon me. Maybe, if I was lucky, something would come along while I slept and eat me. Or just kill me out of pure terror. Or because I was an abomination of nature. Hell, I'd even take 'not notice and accidentally sit on me' at this point. I drifted in and out of fitful bursts of sleeping. Each bout was sprinkled with horrifying memories that were and weren't mine. Being strapped to a table and getting my eyes torn out, or oddly being shoved down onto a couch and screaming in fear as someone ripped the back of my skirt open, laughing in a low voice. There was a distinctly alien feeling involved with that one, but I didn't pay it much heed. Her grin. I recognized it now. The shadowy face and teeth glittering in the dark. Blood dripped from her bladed drill as she walked up to me strapped down on the table. Nirru. She hated me. She hated all males, but she really hated me. It was probably because of what my original self did with her sister. Right? Screaming. My claws slashed over and over again at them, being shoved away each time as they pushed me down into the cushions. No, there was nothing there. I stirred, sneezing as a leaf brushed against my muzzle. It drifted off again and gently landed in the water, sending a light ripple out across the surface. My eyes were still closed, but I 'heard' it touch down on the water. Shouts. I winced and cried, unable to do anything at all. The monster above me groaned out pleasantly, apparently not hearing the noise. A flash of metal. Blood splattered everywhere followed by a scream of rage as something wet and furry landed on my chest. Blood. It was always blood. We were covered in it. If it was inescapable, why not show it directly to all the monsters that deserved it? I agreed, of course. Fluttering pain. Lines of white hot agony danced through my body. "This will teach you to do that to my sister." It bridged to a heated groan, fur against fur. A dash of blue and a giggle bleeding into a moan from under me, mouths meeting again. A scream of rage. I twitched. * * * * * My eyes opened slowly, a sense of disorientation drifting through my mind. My body felt like it had gotten rung through a paper press. Groaning, I looked around, wondering what woke me up. Eventually, my eyes locked onto it. Or him? Maybe it was a her. A tiny bird rested lightly on one of my mixed up and entwined tentacles that lay idly around me. I watched it as it watched me back for a few moments, both of us curious of each other. Now that was a gutsy bird! I smiled to it a moment later, remembering to keep my lips sealed. Baring rows and rows of razor sharp teeth seemed like a bad idea. "You have some serious guts, Mr. Bird," I complimented softly, watching him. He let out an annoyed squack suddenly, causing me to start and move backwards a little. Heh. I realized a moment later that even when I was like this, I still remembered the pain of having my muzzle pecked open by the angry birds. "Uh, Miss? I'm sorry," I apologized softly. She looked pleased and nodded twice to me. Wait, yellow coat with a black underbelly? No, it couldn't be the same bird, could it? Suddenly I wished I had Fluttershy's knack for animal empathy. Not that the bird recognized me regardless, I bet. "Is there something you need? If I can help, let me know," I offered weakly, unsure of how she'd 'tell' me in the first place. Oddly, she hopped off my tentacles and landed right in front of my face. At first I was weary, but then she oddly gave me a gentle nuzzle. Shocked was an understatement. A moment later, another bird fluttered down and landed next to her, followed by three more much smaller ones. No way! I smiled gently to all of them before asking, "Um, do you know me from somewhere?" Part of me still didn't want ANYTHING knowing that Moon Mender was, well, whatever the hell this was. The male, now that I remember correctly, nodded gently before hopping up and landing on my side. Huh? Careful not to scare them, I sat up and watched him as he moved. Then he landed on my flank, and my eyes widened, no longer staring at him at all. But how?! That blasted silver gear with the heart-shaped axel hole resided on my flank, oblivious to the fact that I was a horrible monster. It was a little darker, but otherwise looked completely unchanged compared to its prior appearance. I wasn't even a pony! Why did I have a Cutie Mark in the first place? "Ha... I see. You um, recognized me then using the mark. Wonderful. Um, could you not tell anypony that it's me? This isn't exactly something I'd like to spread around," I requested quietly, looking away from my flank and crashing back down into my lying position. The birds didn't even flinch, but now I at least know why they were so trusting of me. That didn't make me feel any better. The lady bird chirped sharply and hopped up onto the hoof in front of my face. I watched her before shaking my head. "I'm not going to hurt you, but I am a monster now. I was never a pony it turns out. You don't need to stick around, or want anything to do with," I started to suggest. Whap! Her beak hit my nose before I could even finish and I yelped, wincing and holding it with my other hoof. She squawked in seeming annoyance at me before fluttering up and landing on my head, sitting down as I stared daggers back up at her. Well, I suppose that was one of the most effective counter-points I'd ever been given. The male gave an almost laughing chirp noise a moment later, and the three little ones joined in. The brightest yellow one shifted closer to me and rested against my muzzle. The markings on its underbelly were similar to the mother. A female, maybe? She gently rubbed the spot where her mom had whacked me and almost smiled up at me. Oh, it was her. It was the one I put back in the nest a while ago. "I'm glad you learned to fly. It must make it easier to get back up into the nest yourself now," I joked, smiling at her. They didn't notice, or care, when I forgot to hide my teeth. She gave a chirping laugh and nodded, resting against my gunmetal gray fur. "You are very good with animals as well as foals. We can see why Fluttershy likes you so much," was suddenly spoken quietly. I froze, eyes widening as I felt them almost pop out of my head. All five birds perked and looked to my right in the same instant. Slowly I turned my head, casting my nervous gaze upon the Princess of the Moon as she slowly walked up. She actually looked a little worse for wear now, her coat looked a little unkempt and spots of mud and dirt were on her legs. What was she still doing out here at... I popped up my decidedly useful internal clock and noticed it was oh one, twenty. Surely she had nightly duties or something to attend to. "We've been looking for you ever since you ran, Mender. We are alone now however, and you don't have to hide," she explained, catching me looking at her messy legs. I also noticed she switched to a less formal way of talking now. My ears lowered and I set my head back down on the rock, watching her. It didn't surprise me as much as I thought it would that she knew who I was. "Was my Cutie Mark visible back then and I was just stupid?" I asked softly, feeling annoyed at myself. She smiled and peeked past me at my flank a moment later. "Ah, your Cutie Mark did come back. I didn't think it would be suppressed for long. No magic can make them truly disappear," she noted, answering my question at the same time. I shook my head and closed my eyes again. "I'm not a pony. I shouldn't even have one and I don't know why it came back now," I muttered, wondering what she wanted but afraid to ask. Was she mad at how I acted earlier? "It's who you are, Mender. We felt your magic after our first attack. We're sorry for not recognizing you sooner," she apologized softly. My left eye opened again and I looked over at her, surprised at her priorities. Why was she treating me like normal? The five birds around me settled back in and seemed to rest in various locations on my body, taking advantage of my oddly branch-like tentacles. I didn't mind in the least. "Mender, we can hazard a guess as to what thou are thinking. We knew nothing about your current form, nor do we think of you any less. My sister probably knew about it the whole time, and she was the one who agreed that you were just like a pony," she furthered, seeing my hesitation. I tried not to openly laugh. "How am I just like a pony? I'm a biological weapon meant to cause genocide on a Universal scale. I'm fake," I questioned, looking at her skeptically. Princess Luna exhaled and sat down a few meters away, looking up towards the Moon she represented. A minute passed before she slowly shook her head again. "You are you, Mender. You told my sister that and it surprised her so much she still remembers it. Sure, it's simple, but the message is very powerful. Do you still feel like you, Mender?" she asked, looking back down at me curiously. I watched her, unsure of where she was going with the topic. "Not really. I feel powerful. Almost indestructible and fast. Yet I've never felt so vulnerable and alone at the same time," I muttered, almost staring past her as I let my eyes lose focus. I was still really tired, but sleeping didn't seem all that effective. She smiled and snickered lightly before shaking her head. "We speak not of your physical self. Do you feel like you?" she asked again, watching me carefully. Me? What was me? She almost seemed to feel my thoughts, and smiled. "You seem confused. Is it possible you didn't know who 'you' were to begin with?" she clarified with a hoof gesture. Finally, I sighed and shook my head in agreement. "No. I don't think anypony apart from maybe you or your sister truly knows who they are. I feel like I'm still me in that regard," I clarified, thinking about it for the first time. Princess Luna nodded curtly, placing her hoof back down again. "Exactly. If thou hasn't changed, then you're still you, no matter what you look like at the moment. We are sure you've read about us. Do you think we do not understand your pain?" My eyes widened. Nightmare Moon. I'd forgotten that the Princess I saw in front of me used to be far, far scarier. She smiled and nodded at my look of realization. There were no further points I could make. Finally I questioned, "What am I supposed to do, then? I know what I am now and I can't just escape that." She gave me a soft smile before fluttering up and landing on the rock next to me, sitting down as well and watching the birds resting against me. A moment passed as she just lay there. I shifted my attention to the birds too, more just thankful that she didn't appear to be scared of me. "Let us start with smaller steps. Can thou resume your prior form?" she asked politely. I paused. So far, I hadn't seen a point to but I suppose that would be the first step. "I'm not sure. I haven't tried yet," I admitted, digging back through the executable files for some form of return effect or something. No files were added and running Protocol312.exe again did nothing. My frustration spiked, but I exhaled quietly instead. "Relax, Mender. You are a clever pony and will find a way. We only suggest this so you can revert to your less intimidating form," she pointed out. It stung a little but she was right. Oddly, I also kind of respected her honesty. At least her admitting my current form was intimidating meant she was really looking at me. That was the other reaction I was worried about; the ponies I cared about pretending to simply not see the ugly side and ignoring me instead. Deciding on a different approach, I tore apart the executable in question and looked at everything it had done. A few seconds later, I was mildly surprised by the fact that it hadn't technically 'installed' anything on me. Everything was already there and it simply unlocked it. Fascinating. That meant I was built with the black box functionality in mind. Regardless, if it was just unlocked now, I should be able to control my form at will. A bit of menu tweaking later and I frowned, feeling my eight tentacles retreat backwards into my back. Princess Luna smiled as she watched, although the birds protested as their resting spots disappeared. "Very good! That's a start indeed," the Princess of the Moon praised, giving me a gentle smile. Blushing lightly, I nodded back but then paused before trying the rest. Uh oh. Bringing up a medical diagnostic, I noticed that my body was indeed under the armor and muscle structures. The only hiccup was that it hadn't had enough time to regenerate itself fully. Actually, it hadn't regenerated much at all apart from completely re-growing my left leg and hoof structure. Well, that was fairly impressive already, after I considered it for a moment. Most of my energy had gone into re-forming that and almost none to my ribs, lungs, and back legs. "Uh, how good are you at healing magic, Princess Luna?" I asked suddenly, unsure if this was a good idea. She momentarily looked surprised before shaking her head and returning, "Our sister is much better at it. We know some, but not enough to be of significant use. Oh, and please call us Luna. We would like the same treatment as our sister." I blinked, and then blushed a little before nodding. "Well, alright Luna. I'll call you that from now on. I was asking because under this armor, my body hasn't fully recovered yet. I'm a little worried that this form is technically all that's holding me together," I explained wearily. If I still had several holes in my lungs, turning back was an inexplicably bad idea. Luna shook her head and smiled back however. "Worry not! We are good at teleportation. If thou start bleeding all over after changing back, we shall teleport you to the hospital," she 'assured' a moment later, giving a happy nod. That actually wasn't very assuring at all! Swallowing, I decided against calling out the Princess of the Moon on her potentially flawed logic. Eh, what the hell? You only live once. Or twice, in my case. Closing my eyes, I toggled the rest of my body back to 'normal' and felt the muscles and armor start to melt back into me, shifting into a pseudo liquid form before being sucked into nothingness. There was a long pause, and then I opened my eyes and inhaled lightly. Inhaling fire might have been more comfortable. I let out a stifled, half scream as I buckled up instantly, the stabbing and burning sensations shattering across my barrel instantly. Luna gasped as she saw me spasm, then further looked on in horror at the rest of my body. I could barely see past the pain threatening to overwhelm me, but noticed my left foreleg, while existing now, was seriously messed up. The only skin to speak of on it was a light pink film that covered most of it. Otherwise, it was nothing but emaciated muscles and thin veins; maybe about half the circumference of my other legs. Why is it that being aware of a wound made it hurt so much worse? I gasped and ended up smashing my face into the rock as the pain tore through my leg. I was tempted to tear it off again just to make the pain stop! Further, I was absently aware of my back right leg hanging loosely at an odd angle, remembering that I had broken it in the explosion. The birds started squawking in distress a moment later. "Mender! Oh no! Here, hang on," Luna ordered as she pushed herself against me and lit up her horn with magic. Hold on with what?! Thankfully, her lack of specifics mattered very little, as she managed to teleport us anyway. On a related side note, teleporting when wounded and missing large chunks of skin really sucks. The pain tore through my mind like a school of angry piranhas. I don't remember the end of the teleport... * * * * * I woke up in a flurry of motion. Leather straps around me went taut and my eyes widened to their maximum degree. No! I was captured! The lights around me flickered as I felt the tube shoved down my throat, air flowing into it. Gasping sharply, I flailed against the straps, the lights in the room flickering. "Stop him! Why isn't the sedation working?!" I heard shouted from somewhere behind me. Everything hurt. The lights flashed again and I saw her teeth in the dark as she grinned at me, blades sliding under and alongside my left eyeball. I tried to scream into the tube, energy flailing out wildly as I saw a barrier warp out from my side and break through a window. I flailed it violently, tearing a jagged gash down the wall as I tried to kick backwards with my rear legs. The back right one wasn't moving at all however, and the left was strapped down as well. I saw a display pop up of an unknown agent in my bloodstream that was being filtered faster than they could inject it. Poison! My entire body screamed in agony as I darted my eyes back and forth, light burning into it. She grinned against me momentarily, tongue slipping out to lick along my cheek at the blood flowing down it. I lashed out at her, screaming in muffled rage as another barrier smashed into wear her neck should have been. A second later, a chair got obliterated as it sliced through and cut into the wall, cracking the plaster as I stabbed. "How do we stop his magic?! There's no horn to put a suppression ring on!' was called out a moment later. My eyes snapped onto a young looking stallion as he rounded into my viewpoint. Targets snapped into place all over him an instant later, highlighting vitals and giving me biorhythm data. No, she wouldn't have me. She should have died but she wasn't going to have me, even if it meant breaking free from here. My eyes narrowed as I felt the stirring along my back again. Yes. See through the pain and shred the entire room if I had to. A flurry of yellow entered my peripheral vision a moment later. "Miss, you can't come in," another doctor started to shout. At least they looked like doctors. I couldn't tell which was fake, though, and I wasn't about to take chances. He was caught up in a purple and red aura before he could complete the sentence however, and was shoved out of Fluttershy's way. Fluttershy! "Mender! Stop it!" I heard echo through my head at the same time it echoed through the building. My eyes widened as my vision became a blur of yellow warmth as she pushed up against me; a gentle kiss landing on my right temple. Her empathy was felt throughout me and even without the link, I knew it was her. She was here too? It was her. She wouldn't hurt me. She couldn't. My muscles went numb as I slumped against the surface I was strapped to. I didn't know which was real; the darkness or the hospital. But if she was here, it didn't matter. This had to be the hospital. I didn't trust my mind, but I trusted Fluttershy. "Thank you, Mender. Please, rest..." she requested, the absolute blue of her eyes flooding my right eye's vision. No! She'd know right away what I was if she saw me. She would just be able to tell! My eyes slammed shut and I hit the retreat function as fast as possible. With a stifled sob, I fell back inside of myself and all connection to my outside body was dropped. Everything was quiet an instant later. Slowly, I felt my motion stop; the mental construction of my pony body curling up against itself as I hung in absolutely nothing. I shivered against myself, gasping for air as I tucked myself up. She couldn't see it. I couldn't let her. I didn't even know what I was! My eyes opened again a second later, glaring at the hoof in front of my vision. I was a pony. I wanted to be a pony! But I wasn't a pony. I wasn't a Keldarian. I was a monster. Another spasm wracked my frame, a mental flash of teeth snapping out at me flickering through my head. Tentacles, blades, teeth, and death. What the hell was I?! 'Monster' was all I could manage to describe myself as, alongside assorted synonyms. I couldn't let them see that I was an abomination. Equestria didn't need my other self. It didn't need me. Tia was wrong. I didn't have a place here anymore. I gently closed my eyes, exhaling air that technically didn't exist. Warnings popped up around me, saying something about taking dermal damage along my barrel, but I ignored it. I was going into surgery, probably. If my ribs had fragmented, I imagine they'd have to get the shards of bone out of me somehow. My mind wandered as I lost track of time. There was something peaceful about just releasing your hold on your thoughts and letting them flow freely from topic to topic. I unfurled as I drifted, eventually finding myself floating flat inside of my mind, legs outstretched limply in various directions. There was no need to remain guarded. I was the only thing here and always would be. The concept struck me as extremely lonely, but I fought it down. Instead, I decided to be productive and brought up one for my file folders again. Two point four billion Keldarians were inside of me. The DNA was segmented already and compartmentalized, but was in desperate need of sorting and organizing. I devoted an entire processor to the job of going through it like a rampaging Twilight on her library shelves. That settled, I devoted yet another processor to the repair and reconstitution of Dr. Kyliona's last video message. In a weird way, she was sort of my 'mother' so I admitted she deserved at least that, as I couldn't do anything else for her. She made my original form and, from what I guessed, created the clone as well that was essentially me. I didn't even know what to classify myself as. If I was a pony with robotic parts, I'd be a cyborg. But I wasn't originally a pony or even a Keldarian. Are a clone's parts 'fabricated' then? If all of me was fabricated, then I'd be an android I guess. Then of course there was the consideration that I also housed a Universal-Class Weapon of Mass Destruction inside of me. After the tentacles had popped out, I was given the delightful options of unleashing that as well. At least that choice had been a simple one. It plagued me. I sought out file after file. All of them had various things to do with extra features, add-ons, and various utilities. It didn't take me long to find the operating system files for my organic computer parts either. But this left me frustrated. I searched everywhere. There weren't any files dictated to 'me'. There were no advanced AI subroutines or any form of organic mental structure anywhere. What was I if I wasn't an artificial intelligence? Then the idea hit. I'd trace where the 'orders' were coming from when I gave one out! Printing out garbage data to a pop-up window, I watched where the order came from specifically. It didn't help much. There was a small translation black box connected to an input and output lane. I frowned. The connection was massive; easily four times the size of the biggest hardwired connection I had thought possible. Beyond it, there was nothing to access. Either something was blocking my ping attempts, or beyond that uplink to the black box, there was something truly alien from a computer's standpoint. An actual mind, maybe? I remembered the translation error I'd gotten when trying to communicate with Rainbow a few hours ago. Mental communication didn't mesh well with computer communication. I didn't know if I should be happy or sad at the discovery. Was it just the clone mind that I consisted of? What was this consciousness that I was right now? If it was just the clone mind, shouldn't I be dead now after what Nirru had done to me? I floated there absently, some part of me wondering if any of these questions would ever be answered. Shivering again, mentally pictures of that thing that I could become danced through my mind. That thing wasn't needed here. Knowing what I was, how was I honestly supposed to face any of them again? I was fake. Were my feelings even real, honestly? Maybe they'd be offended that they'd put so much time and energy into a robot. Another flash of imagery. My claws tore her apart, destroying her head in an instant. Oh yeah. A violent, homicidal robot. I shuddered as I remembered the feeling of tearing through her flesh. What scared me the most was the feeling of actually liking the sensation. It wasn't because of the texture, or even the fact of what I was doing, really. It was finally not being the runt. Finally, I could do something when somepony hurt me and tried to take things from me by force. It felt so amazing to be able to say 'no'. Heh. I gave her one heck of a 'no', I suddenly realized. I'm me. It's what I told Celestia and now what Luna told me right back. I had at some point accepted it for other reasons. When dealing with my own delusions, it didn't really matter what was real and what wasn't. All I could do was act within the world I interacted with. It didn't matter if Equestria was in my head and I was locked up somewhere, or if I had always been a pony and was having nightmares about my original dimension instead. If I was me, then this reality was also this reality. In a roundabout way, it made sense. Given that as truth, did it matter that I couldn't classify exactly what 'I' was? Curling up again, I sighed. Classification was indeed pointless. Now I just had to somehow get around the fact that I directly murdered two point four billion Keldarians with my own hooves. Hands, at that point? Tentacles, maybe? Shaking my head, I chuckled to myself. I had an obsession to classify things. Knowing what I had done and what I was, I didn't have a clue how I could possibly look any of the ponies in the eyes again. They'd know almost instantly. Which led me to the next hurtle. How would they react? To say I had some explaining to do would be an understatement. Hell, I'd be lucky if the Elements of Harmony didn't activate and blow me away regardless. Although technically I had no idea how the Elements actually functioned. The book Twilight had given me had been wonderfully vague. Sighing, I decided to keep an eye on my external heat sensors to let me know when I was done being operated on. Assuming once everypony left the room, that would indicate that I was either dead or done with whatever surgery they were performing. Given my multiple redundant backup life support systems, my bet was on the latter. Of course, this probably left me several hours to kill with absolutely nothing to do. I didn't have any books or anything to read, so I did the next best thing that any somewhat sane individual would do in the given situation. Peeking back through the files I'd looked through earlier, I started up the Minesweeper.exe I'd found...