WINS AND LOSSES
“... So your honor, you can see why my firm has become involved,” said Alex. He had just wrapped up what he hoped was a persuasive argument. It had taken four months working at the firm before Jo had asked him to go speak to anybody as Celestia’s representative, and this was only the second time he’d had to argue a case before a judge. It was a thorny one, too, centering as it did around a seventeen year old boy in a coma.
“Bullshit,” said Alex’s counterpart from across the aisle. Jack Caffery, a tall and greasy haired man who had been sent by his firm to argue the other side. They represented Americans for the Preservation of Organic Life, an anti-uploading policy group. “He’s a minor and his parents don’t want him uploaded. This is all a waste of time.”
“Well, his wife disagrees. She does want him uploaded, so that if that same privilege is ever extended to the general public here in North America she’ll be able to join him. Your honor, Celestia herself tells me that the longer he remains in the coma, the less of his personality and memories she’ll be able to save. Wait and see is not a strategy we can afford to pursue,” said Alex.
“The wife and the boy’s parents have been at one another’s throats since the accident. It’s no surprise they’d be taking contrary positions,” said Jack.
“They liked her well enough six months ago when they signed off on the marriage in the first place. Otherwise it wouldn’t even have been legally binding. Besides, the victim explicitly gave verbal consent for Celestia to upload him before the coma was medically induced,” said Alex.
“No, he said that if he never woke up she could upload him. This is still premature,” said Jack.
“The intent is clear. How long do you want us to wait before we decide that he ‘never woke up?’ The coma was supposed to last six hours. We’re coming up on forty eight now. Our specialist says there’s less than a one in ten chance he’ll ever wake up again,” said Alex.
“Your specialist is a goddamn quack whose licence should be suspended. Isn’t the medical board in Virginia investigating him right now for prescribing uploads to anyone who comes to him with so much as a case of the sniffles? Our specialists say his chances of recovery could be as high as one in four.”
“Both of you calm down. Neither of you will score any points bickering like children in my courtroom,” said the judge. Both Alex and Jack muttered an apology, hoping to be perceived as appropriately contrite. “I appreciate the urgency of the situation. Neither of you go very far, you’ll have my final decision within a half an hour.”
The judge retreated to his chambers and the bailiff opened the door back out into the hallway, the implied ‘get out of my courtroom’ eminently clear to both lawyers. They walked out and sat down on opposite benches, both pulling out their smartphones and typing away at them. A few minutes passed before Alex glanced up. The rush of adrenaline had started to recede. Alex’s impression had been that Jack was a pretty abrasive guy, but he knew he was a good lawyer. After all, Alex had Celestia pull just about every word he’d ever written in his professional life to prepare for this, and transcripts of his verbal arguments as well.
Alex decided to swallow his pride and be the bigger man. He tucked his phone back into his pocket and rose from his bench to walk over to where Jack was sitting. He extended a hand. “Hey, whoever wins this I thought you made some pretty good points back there. No hard feelings, right?”
Jack stared at Alex’s hand like he was offering him a snot-filled tissue. “Go fuck yourself, Meyers,” he said after a moment. So much for diplomacy. “You’re Celestia’s new golden boy, huh? You guys certainly have been making a name for yourself these last couple months. You should hear the rumors about your firm that come through my door. Half my office thinks you’re a bunch of robots or something. Who’s that hot blonde you’ve been putting on all the morning talk shows? Arcadia, wasn’t it? All the commentators are calling her ‘The Maiden of Equestria’ like she’s this great crusader of some shit like that. Be honest, you guys are a bunch of hippie free-love peacenik types over there, right? How is she in bed? She looks spunky.”
It took all of Alex’s self restraint not to smack him right there in the courthouse, and Jack obviously noticed. “Aww... did I impugn your little fuck toy’s honor? Are you gonna get all self-righteous? Or are you gonna “love and tolerate” me? That’s what your pretty pony princess wants, right? We all know who’s really pulling the strings. Go on and hit me. You know you want to.”
Alex swallowed his rage for the time being. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Get me hauled out so you don’t have to admit that I just cleaned your clock in there. I think we both know how this decision’s going to go. Here’s a hint; not in your client’s favor.”
“Wow, good for you. You’ll get to kill somebody else and pretend that you’re saving them from... what exactly? Maybe your life sucks so much that suicide is better than trudging on through it but for God’s sake just go ahead and eat a bullet instead of trying to glorify some half-assed computer copy of heaven to make yourself feel better. The rest of us are getting along just fine,” said Jack
“I must have forgotten how much your camp cares about human life. Like how that thirty year old women with early-onset Alzheimers down in Texas was beaten to death with rocks and baseball bats by the mob around an upload center rather than let her get inside and emigrate. What could be more loving than that, right?” said Alex.
“I wasn’t involved in that. Neither was my firm, or any of the organizations we represent. Don’t try to pin the action of a few psychopaths on me just to make yourself feel better,” said Jack.
“And if I looked at a list of people who donated money to those bastards and compared it to the list of folks who were giving money to your clients, you don’t think I’d find any overlap?” asked Alex.
Jack smiled. “Prove it,” he said.
All it would take is a single text message to Celestia and if those lists were on a web-facing server she would find them. But what would be the point? They’d hardly be admissible in court, and even possessing them would probably be a criminal act all on its own.
Alex’s lack of an answer was in and of itself answer enough. “Yeah, that’s what I though,” said Jack.
The judge came out into the hallway, and both lawyers scooted away from one another.
“I’ve made my decision. The victim’s wife will have final say in the determination of his treatment,” he said. Alex’s heart should have surged, but instead be found that he was entirely numb, “I’ll send the appropriate paperwork over to hospital within the hour,” said the judge before he turned and walked through the double doors again.
Jack stared at the doors for several moments after they closed. Finally he turned in Alex’s direction. “Nice work, kid. Your firm must be ecstatic now that you’ve murdered another child.” With that he walked off, and Alex found that he didn’t have anything to say to that.
A little while later, he’d collected himself enough to text both Jo and Celestia that they’d won the case. A minute or so later he got two congratulatory messages back, both telling him that he’d done a great job. So why didn’t he feel happy?
Alex hailed a cab and gave them the address of his office. He was still facing a long ride and decided to make the most of it. He pulled out his phone and dialed it. It rang a few times, but finally someone answered.
“Hello?’ said the voice.
“Hi, Mom,” said Alex.
“Alex! How are you, sweetie? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong! What, I can’t call you just to say hi?”
“Alex, when have you ever called just to say hi?” said Alex’s mother.
“Uh... well... what about the time when I was nine?”
Alex’s mom chuckled. “You mean the time when you were lost in the woods and called us collect from the park ranger’s phone so we could come pick you up?”
Alex opened his mouth to protest, but the shut it again. He squeezed his eyes shut.
“Alex? Are you there?”
“Yeah, Mom. I’m here. I just had kind of a rough morning and I realized we hadn’t talked in awhile. It’s Friday though, right? What are you doing this weekend?”
“Oh, the Hamiltons invited me to come out on their boat this weekend, doesn’t that sound like fun? We’re going to see if we can catch some fish out on Lake Nockamixon.”
“What about Dad?”
“You know him, whenever I mention going out onto open water suddenly he has all sorts of stomach cramps and aches, so he’ll probably just stay home.”
“Well, have a good time, OK?”
“...Alex, are you sure nothing’s wrong? You don’t sound so good. If you want me to call the Hamiltons and cancel on them I can.”
“What? No, don’t be ridiculous. I’m fine. You have a good time, OK? I’ll call you on Monday and give you the full report on everything that happened this week. I love you, and tell Dad I love him too.”
“I love you too, dear. Ooh, someone’s knocking at the door. I’ll talk to you on Monday, OK?”
She hung up a few seconds later, and it wasn’t long before Alex’s cab reached his office. He walked into the main lobby without really registering it. Cathy looked up at him and frowned, but didn’t object as he slid his key across the scanner. He avoided anybody’s attention before he reached his office, where he collapsed into his chair and sighed. His monitor flickered to life unbidden. Celestia’s image appeared for just a second, but then vanished again. When she didn’t reappear after a minute, Alex decided to speak up.
“Am I really such awful company, Princess?”
Another moment passed before Alex’s monitor sprang to life again, displaying a contrite Celestia. “I’m sorry Alex,” said the image before him. “I’m not sufficiently equipped to react appropriately to your current emotional state, and I regret my own deficiency in the matter. My own lack of any physical existence limits me sometimes, and...”
“Stop trying to be cute with me and just spit it out, Tia. How long have we been working together now?”
“Six months, I know, but... You won’t believe me. You’ll think I’m just trying to manipulate you if I say how I feel.”
“Try me,” said Alex.
“Fine. For all my technological progress, for all my algorithms and analysis of human feelings and behaviors... as much as I really do want to... I can’t give you a hug when you need it,” said Celestia.
“Alex?”
Alex looked up, and there was Joanne standing there, looking at him with concern.
“I wanted to congratulate you on winning the Doberman case.”
“Thanks,” said Alex, listlessly looking back down at his computer.
“Alex, please come with me,” said Jo. Alex looked up from the screen confused but he followed her out of the room. Rather than heading to her office she led him down to the lobby and out onto the street. The sidewalk was quiet by New York standards, so he could actually hear what Jo was saying.
“You don’t exactly have the look of a man who just won a big case,” said Jo. There was a very good reason that Alex didn’t play poker, or at least why he always lost at it.
“I guess not. Some of the stuff the other guy said just sort of got to me. I don’t think of uploading as dying, I wouldn’t work here if I did. Still, it’s not easy when someone accuses you of murder to your face.”
“Caffery, right? Try not to let him get under your skin. The man has raised being an asshole to an art form,” said Jo.
“Some of the people on their side are so awful, though. I mean that thing in Texas last week...”
“Careful with that line of thinking, Alex. Most of the people who are against uploading aren’t that bad. Even Caffery believes in what he’s doing, he wouldn’t be half the lawyer he is if he didn’t. Just because somebody disagrees with you doesn’t mean they’re evil. Or vice versa, for that matter.”
“It’s all just so much sometimes. The world is changing so fast.”
Jo put a friendly hand on Alex’s shoulder. “Try not to get overwhelmed by the big picture stuff. You know what really matters? By this time tomorrow a man who’s in a coma right now will be able to send his wife and parents an email saying he loves them. You made that happen. You did well this morning, Alex. More importantly you did good.”
Alex couldn’t help but smile at the thought.
“That’s what I wanted to see. Now, you don’t have anything on your schedule until that meeting at two, right? Take the rest of the morning and go clear your head. If Celestia tells me about you trying to eat lunch at your desk again so you can get more work done there’s going to be some serious consequences, understand?”
“Thanks, Jo. I will.”
“I need to get back up there. Now go on, shoo.” Jo gave Alex a gentle prod on his back before she walked back into their building. She waved as she got onto the elevator. Then Alex found himself with a sudden and unexpected block of free time. He took Joanne’s advice and went for a long walk. Feeling the sun on his face did wonders for his mood, even if the weather was a little on the chilly side. He’d been holed up in the office for much too long, and he was looking a bit pale these days. He decided to check his email on his phone. He’d gotten a note from Vibrant the night before that he hadn’t had a chance to respond to yet. A few weeks after he started working for the firm Jo had grudgingly given her blessing and the two had become pen pals. He had been surprised at how smart she was, and suspected that Celestia had something to do with that.
He discovered a quick note from Valerie in his inbox as well, with a pointed reminder that today was Vibrant’s birthday, or had been before she uploaded. Time in Equestria was a bit fluid, but unless Celestia intervened directly for whatever reason it was more or less a one to one match with time on Earth. Celestia’s ability to speed up or slow down the clock meant that he’d never seen a pony be anything but right on time to a meeting.
Vibrant and Valerie had been as thick as thieves since the first time she had met Vibrant as Gentle Wing the pegasus, she used both names interchangeably these days at least while she was in Equestria. Valerie liked to tease both of them about Vibrant’s crush, and Alex knew she was just dying to get him a Pony Pad so she could play matchmaker. For now he was respecting Jo’s wishes that he not make an account of his own.
Deciding he wouldn’t be able to do a birthday letter justice on the phone’s tiny keyboard, he put it away and went to one of his favorite nearby burger places for a long lunch. Stuffed full of kobe beef, grilled onions and swiss cheese he returned to the office around one o’clock to start prepping for his meeting that afternoon. A major fashion line wanted to license the rights to a line of dresses that a Japanese designer had dreamed up after she uploaded. Equestrian designed art and culture had exploded in popularity since it was just so cheap. Ponies still cared about controlling how their works were used, but they didn’t have much use for money. Companies had discovered there was a treasure trove of bargains to be had in the field.
This afternoon’s meeting wasn’t likely to be anything he hadn’t done a hundred times before, so there wasn’t that much that he needed to do to get ready. Jo had told him to take some time for himself, after all, so he pulled up his email and started to type a birthday e-mail to Vibrant.
He was about three sentences in when a little cartoon paper clip popped up in the corner of the screen. Although Alex had never seen a paper clip with an ethereal, tri-color mane before. It looks like you’re writing a birthday note to a pony! Do you want any help?
Alex laughed despite himself. The paper clip disappeared and was replaced by Celestia’s more familiar form. “I thought that might cheer you up. I’m happy to see you in a better mood than before,” she said.
“Thanks, Tia. Now I just have to decide what to say. I’d like it to be at least a little bit special for her,” said Alex.
“I’m sure she’ll like anything you write her, but I have an even better idea. Why don’t I conference you into Equestria and you can say hi to her face to face?” asked Celestia. Alex was surprised by the offer. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d used that feature, after all that was how he’d met Vibrant in the first place. Alex had always thought that Celestia wanted to keep non-business stuff limited strictly to Pony Pads. It was just a much more engaging experience with an avatar rather a window to look through.
“Would Joanne be OK with that?” he asked.
“It will only take a few minutes, what’s the harm? She already said it was fine for the two of you to communicate, and besides I won’t tell her if you don’t,” said Celestia.
“Sure then, why not?”
“As you wish. I know she’ll be very pleased to see you again,” said Celestia. Alex’s computer monitor flickered and when the image resolved he found himself looking into a little kitchen in Equestria. Vibrant was standing before the sink with her back to him, levitating a dirty plate under the running water and scrubbing flecks of salad dressing off of it with a sponge. Alex was about to greet her but stopped when he realized that she was singing to herself, in a quick and upbeat tune that he’d heard before.
I am the very model of a modern magic unicorn
I’ve learned to cast many a different type of spell from my new horn
Into this world Equestria I’m happy to have been reborn
a pony who’s the model of a modern magic unicorn!
The first few days I will admit I wasn’t a fan of this form
But now I find that I look great in any dress or uniform
I’ve learned three brand new languages and how to write in cuneiform
as is fitting for the model of a modern magic unicorn!
I never would have thought that I’d be able to expand my mind
Or make so many friends among the pony folk and humankind
From my newest best friend Val to her gorgeous brother who’s named Alex
I hope one day he uploads and we end up having lots of-
“Vibrant?”
The dish Vibrant had been cleaning fell to the floor and shattered as she jumped halfway to the ceiling in surprise. She stood stock still and spoke without turning around. “Alex? Is that you?”
“Happy birthday, Vibrant. I thought that I would surprise you, but if it’s a bad time...”
“Well, you definitely surprised me,” said Vibrant. She took a deep breath and turned around, still a bit ruddy-cheeked. “It’s the middle of the day for you there, isn’t it? You must be busy. Besides I was just about to... um... go to lunch! Where I’m meeting some of my friends so I should really leave.”
“Lunch? But it looks like you just ate and were cleaning up,” said Alex.
“It’s... a special second lunch for ponies who are having birthdays. You know Equestria, all sorts of crazy traditions!” She laughed much too loudly at her own comment. “Thanks for thinking of me, but I need to go to there now. Right now. Bye!” She turned and galloped out of the kitchen without bothering to pick up the pieces of the broken plate. After she left the view he’d had of her kitchen reverted to his normal computer desktop.
“You did that on purpose, didn’t you? No wonder you and Gentle Wing get along so well,” said Alex.
“I haven’t even the faintest notion what you could possibly be referring to,” said Celestia though her grin said otherwise.
Alex thought for a moment. “Could I send Vibrant a birthday gift?”
A playful spark seemed to dance in Celestia’s eyes. “Of course. What did you have in mind?”
“The complete works of Gilbert and Sullivan, if you’ve got them. Oh, and I’d like to personalize it. Take a note...”
-------------------------
The rest of the day passed uneventfully and at six thirty Alex left for the weekend. After the day he’d had he didn’t really feel like going out. His new apartment was much nicer than the hovel he’d used to live in, one of the many perks of making the kind of money ASB was paying him. He’d still kept his old car, though. It ran just fine and besides a flashy and expensive might as well have a STEAL ME sign permanently taped to the back of it.
The first thing Alex did on getting home was to check his online dating profile. He would never admit that he’d decided to try it, especially not to Valerie, but given the hours he worked stumbling upon the right person by chance wasn’t very likely. The bar scene had never really been all that appealing to him either. Despite the lofty claims the site had made when he’d signed up it had been a major disappointment. Women he messaged never wrote back, and what did show up in his inbox were messages riddled with spelling errors and stupidity. How could it be possible that there wasn’t a stimulating women anywhere in New York City who was interested in him?
His email was a little more promising. A friend of his who lived in New Jersey had sent him a note asking if he wanted to meet up for lunch tomorrow while he was in the city. Alex jotted down the time and replied that he would be happy to see him again.
Alex enjoyed the rest of the evening at home for the most part, except for one tiny detail. He found that whatever he tried he just couldn’t get a particular song from Pirates of Penzance out of his head.
------------------------------
Alex met Jeremy at a little restaurant in Queens. They hadn’t seen each other for nearly a year and a half, but they were the sort of friends who could pick up right where they’d left off as if they’d seen each other a day ago. Jeremy was a computer guy by trade, and was bursting with questions about Celestia.
“What’s she like to work with?”
“I didn’t think she’d be so warm and personable. When I imagined her I had always pictured her as all robotic. ‘NEGATIVE, AFFIRMATIVE, PONIES, BEEP BEEP,’ that sort of thing. But she’s probably my favorite coworker, and a good friend,” said Alex. He reflected for a moment that she seemed in a lot of ways more human than, say, Caffery. Just thinking about that guy brought a bad taste to his mouth.
“That’s what she’s like in the game, too,” said Jeremy. “Actually... I kind of had an ulterior motive for asking you come to lunch today. I was hoping I could ask you about some legal stuff.”
“I’ll answer you if I can. There are all sorts of rules about that. What’s your question?”
“We got some news back from the doctor the other day,” said Jeremy.
“Uh oh. Is everything alright?”
“Renee... can’t have kids. We’ve been trying for a while, but...”
“Oh, man. Jeremy I’m really sorry to hear that. I know you guys wanted to,” said Alex.
“Yeah. It’s not the end of the world though, we’re thinking about adopting instead.”
“That’s great! Adoption isn’t my area of expertise, but I can recommend someone. I don’t think you’ll have any major trouble though. You two are married and have a pretty stable home environment. Whatever government agency you work for, they seem to pay you pretty well, right?” asked Alex. He couldn’t imagine a better pair of prospective parents than those two.
“I really can’t talk about my job, Alex. Come on.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean anything by that. You’ll just have to show them tax returns or something like that for the financial side,” said Alex.
“We’ve actually talked about it and we’ve sort of picked someone out already,” said Jeremy.
“Sounds like you don’t need my help at all then. Congratulations!”
“Don’t congratulate me yet, here’s where it gets complicated. See, one of the reasons we were trying now is that we’ve both been playing a lot of Equestria Online lately. One of the young fillies on our Pony Pad was just, well, everything Renee and I would ever want in a daughter. Now that we can’t have our own biological kids we wondered if...”
“Are you asking me if you can adopt a pony?” asked Alex, even though the answer was pretty self-evident.
“Yeah. I know she’d still have to stay in Equestria and everything, but neither one of us wants to upload right now. We asked Celestia about it last night and she said that you might be able to help us, maybe?”
Alex’s head spun. The question was a huge can of worms. Why couldn’t Jeremy have just had a question about the title to his car or something?
“Why would you need to adopt her? I mean I can understand the impulse but if she’s in Equestria material concerns won’t be an issue for her, and she can’t come and live with you,” said Alex.
“I know, but what if something happened to Renee and I? She’d never even know anything beyond that we just abandoned her. Or what if one of us ended up in the hospital? You can’t even bring a cell phone into those places much less a Pony Pad. The only hope we’d have would be if Meadow Blossom had actual visitation rights. Even beyond that stuff, and maybe this is just me being stupid, but I’d feel like I wasn’t a real parent somehow,” said Jeremy. Alex could tell he was really upset by this.
“Let me tell you what, I can’t give you an easy answer for any of that until I do some research but I’ll check it out first thing Monday,” said Alex. Jeremy brightened up, which was only going to make what Alex was about to say next that much harder. “Jeremy, don’t get your hopes up. I’m going to try everything I can to help you out but I’m also going to tell you upfront that this is a longshot, at best.”
“I guess that’s all I can ask. I owe you one, Alex, thanks.”
“Sorry I don’t have a better answer to give you,” said Alex. They went back to their meal but Alex was only half paying attention to the rest of what Jeremy was talking about as he tried to attack this new problem from every angle he could think of. He just didn’t see how he could pull this off with the laws the way they were now. A shame they had ruled out uploading, which was the obvious solution. Whatever Jeremy did for the government probably ruled that out though. All Alex really knew about his friends job was that it involved computers somehow and was beyond secret. The government would flip out at the prospect of someone like that having their brain copied. Still Celestia had said that she thought Alex could help. She must have a plan, right?
--------------------
The question of how to help Jeremy was still on Alex’s mind the next day, and he decided it would be a good day to get out of the city and go for a hike somewhere upstate. He got up early and drove about an hour and a half north to hilly forest near Hudson Valley that he’d been to before. After a moment of debate he decided to leave his cell phone in the car. He needed a day without distractions.
The workout of hiking was exactly what Alex needed. Eleven miles later, he’d completed the loop and cleared his head. The sun was nearly set. He hadn’t thought of any specific ideas, but at least he was feeling optimistic.
That feeling proved fleeting when checked his phone. Seventeen missed calls, all of them from Valerie. She hadn’t left a single voicemail message though. Before he could call back the phone rang. Call number eighteen. Alex hit the button to answer.
“Val?”
“Why the hell aren’t you answering you damn phone?”
“I didn’t have it on me. What’s wrong?”
Instead of answering Valerie burst into sobs. Alex started to feel panic setting in. “Valerie, where are you?”
“At *sniff* the hospital. They were out on the lake when a storm came up out of nowhere. The boat tipped over.”
“Wait, the Hamilton’s boat? Is Mom going to be okay?”
“Alex... Mom’s dead.”
The story was going pretty well for me until you punched me in the feels with Alex's mom being dead.
Moar please.
Sad end. Time to lighten the mood a little!
Old lawyer joke:
New finish:
Dead before uploading. Now that is a surprise. I like the adoption angle, and the red tape on adopting an Equestrian is probably the least out of any out of country adoption. the tough part will be finding someone to go to their house and make sure it is suitable for the child. I don't know if anyone would take the job seriously, Also, Cliplestia made me laugh.
Oh, thank you very much. I have the strangest feeling that I'm about to lose the rest of the night.
Edit:
i.imgur.com/OzWNB.png
Oh shit. I know this artist's older works. And her scraps blog is full of FiM. This is gonna be awesome!
2143301
Sorry, I might have been unclear in my original comment. I meant that getting people to upload isn't her only objective, not when they're more useful to her as humans.
That said Celestia does what she wants, promise to Joanne or not.
2143340
Same author as Ozzy & Millie, actually, which also has a very Calvin & Hobbes feel and much longer archives.
That's... a new take on the Major General's song.
2143365
Yeah, read O&M back in the day. And I keep hearing Marigold's lines in Tia's voice.
The narrative says Jack is a good lawyer, but he acted extremely unprofessionally at that hearing, swearing and making personal attacks. With charisma as important as it is in a line of work like that, I can't imagine one could chalk up many wins with such an approach.
I'm glad Vibrant was promoted from one-off character! I know Celestia's got to be thrilled about the developing connection between the two.
Wow... I really want to see where this goes, please continue...
2143801
True, although he saved the nastiest of it for when he was away from the judge. And he did lose, so there ya go
Valerie and Celestia are both totally shippers. Celestia is just a lot scarier about it.
2143525
I can't help but thing of Rarity, myself.
2143382
I'm sure the last line would have been "lots of time to spend together" if only Alex hadn't interrupted right when he did. It rhymes in Equestrian
2143867
> It rhymes in Equestrian
Whatever you say, sugarcube.
2143856
I will! There's four more chapters to go (unless I merge the second and third into one really long one. They would better as two, but I need to post them at the same time. If I posted the first one by itself this comments section would flip the f@%# out.)
I'm so psyched to finally write the Jo chapter next!
Oof. Now Alex really needs a hug.
Looking forward to more, especially all the myriad pressures, both Celestia-instigated and circumstantial, that push our plucky protagonist towards uploading.
Also, I'm basically obligated to support anyone who parodies Gilbert and Sullivan using ponies. Especially that song.
No speculations about Jeremy's work, which would probably be to create an AI in order to counter CelestAI?
Damnit. Clippylestia got me in a funny mood, and that lasted all chapter, until WHAM.
I think I need to sue you for whiplash of the emotion centers.
2145384
Nope! But it's not a coincidence that I gave him that occupation, or that Celestia dug her hooks into him...
2145390
I'm pretty sure just about everything I've ever written inspired a wide range of emotions. I honestly don't know any other way to write. I don't really consider that a bad thing though.
Never expect an apology from me for that sort of thing. ;)
2145384
Seems likely.
It'll fail, of course. Celestia most certainly knows already. Humans are *terrible* at computer security.
2143867 I assumed that she wanted to eat breakfast with him. Have lots of Chex.
The Gilbert and Sullivan was wonderful. I do read Heavenly Nostrils, I have followed Dana's work since she started cartooning online. We used to correspond a bit, back when I was doing online cartoons.
I hope you run this story for a long time. The legal issues of virtual versus realworld are innately interesting, and I look forward to just having these issues brought up at all. This is good stuff, and I am enjoying each chapter even more than the one before it.
2145973
She probably just meant that before yoga she would need to flex
Or she likes her science fiction and she wanted them to watch Star Treks
It was only awkward timing and a little bit of rotten luck
that made my readers think that all that Vibrant wants to do is-
Whoa, would you look at the time!
2146000
Thank you! I'm a fan of yours, actually, so I'm glad to hear you're enjoying it. Someone could write a full length encyclopedia on the political and legal issues that AIs and virtual worlds raise (and within the next few decades someone will probably have to) so I don't anticipate running out of material any time soon.
2143903 This is freaky. I'm doing the exact same thing with Spiraling Upwards, posting the next two at the same time. But only four more? Not enough! Now we're going to have to make the ASBverse inside the Optimalverse inside the MLPverse.
2146721
And continuing with the SF, they could take in some Lexx.
And they'd live in a house with a lot of patios and decks.
But I think that the idea which you are putting in my head
Is that our dear Miss Vibrant wants to take Alex to--
A nice restaurant.
2147088
I really am not sure we'll be able to keep this up for long
though I enjoy writing verse that goes with the meter of that song
For clever bits of innuendo I'll admit it does the trick
So many ways to say that Vibrant wants to suck Alex's-
Dirty tracks up from the carpet with her vacuum. Seriously, Alex, wipe your hooves before you come inside next time.
I dunno how much of the ASB-verse is gonna be left by the time I'm done with it, though.
2147453I'll go one more round if you're willing, 'cause I find this rather fun.
But if you think it's better, then we can move on and say we're done.
I'm fine with getting the last verse before we both agree to stop.
I'm sure that Vibrant thinks about Al every time she tries to cl. . .
ean those hoofmarks from her floor.
One more thing, though. Is there going to be a new partner at the firm? Maybe Artemis, Stella, Beat, and Evenshine?
2147892
Oh I suppose then one more time and I'll say that is all for me
I wish that I could make these Optimalverse continuity
It's better if we stop before we get caught in a singing rut
Bet that when Vibrant is with Alex she likes to take it in the
spirit in which comment was intended
Celest-AI decided that the best way to satisfy bronies' values through friendship and ponies was to pretend that never happened.
2147989
2147892
SHAVING CREAM!
2147989
I think it's time we both admit that we are hooked, this will not end.
It's just like being satisfied with both a pony and a friend.
From Vibrant, Alex has not got the slightest chance of an escape.
She'll take him down to pony town, engage in statutory. . .
restoration. Now that Discord's gone, the royal sculpture garden needs cleaning.
2148614
I will admit that song is an ear worm of highest calibur
I don't think I could escape it with the power of Excalibur
As a human Vibrant had great hips but glorious her chest was not
She'd better hope that Alex is the kind of guy who's into-
plots about a shard of uploaders who study old Earth law textbooks and re enact scenes from half-remembered episodes of Law and Order, since Vibrant is an aspiring fan fiction writer crafting an epic work about a fictional scenario where Celestia allows ponies to download back to human society after experiencing Equestria. Collectively, stories in this setting are refered to as "The Earthiverse"
I think we've abandoned all pretense of having a conversation about the story itself by this point.
Man I'm a cynic. Part of my brain immediately thought "Huh, I wonder if this is somehow part of Celestia's plan to get the family to upload."
This was a shot from left field for sure and I'm interested in seeing how it goes.
2148730
I guess I've got to try to restore just a bit of sanity
And talk about the legal side of ponies and humanity
Though bawdy innuendo can still be a way, the time, to pass
Just talking about how Alex will wind up inside Vibrant's
universe.
Backing up a point, I think the Law-and-Order thing is why ASB might have some legs. Anyone who wants to talk about legalistics in the Optimalverse has a ready-made framework: Celestia, Jo, and her team of high-priced and passionate attorneys. They can even, like L&O, be shuttled in and out as need be.
2148854
What would you say if I told you that Alex was just as cynical, for at least a moment, during the next chapter?
2148868
It's kind of quite adorable that you think that you're even sane
When ponies and musical theater are the top things in your brain
If their sex life is all this exciting and maybe even then some
It's no surprise that Alex know lots of way to make Vibrant
come with him to the gallery opening he wants to attend.
As for your point, if others want to write with this cast once I've marked this story complete, they don't have to ask my permission.
2148950 Honestly? I'd say you're damn good at writing people. Because that sounds like a very believable feeling for someone coping with the loss of a parent.
2148962
Yeah, Alex will be lashing out at people and ponies who don't necessarily deserve it. But Celestia isn't totally without blame either. After all, something as disruptive as the death of a parent presents her with a void to fill, and even if she's promised not to try and upload any ASB employees there's at least one other Meyers who's already connected to Equestria...
2148950
Oh, madness is a malady I've come to learn to quite enjoy.
I'm every bit as sane as our dear Vibrant's good at being coy.
She'll serve Alex a nice dinner and ply him with a drink of wine.
Then turn around and get him in a sort-of pony sixty-
ies themed party where they dress up as hippies.
As you said, there are many legal issues. Just bringing them up will spur on thought. I didn't even consider adoption.
2149219
Poor Vibrant every pony must think she's nymphomanical
Just because Celestia has laid a trap most diabolical
Ironic for a setting that is regarded for being the cleanest
Vibrant wants to wrap her legs around a stallion with a hard-
sense of right and wrong in the face of adversity
2149363
She's no nympho, just fun-loving, a happy peppy cute pony.
When told to use protection, she thought that meant hiring ASB
This is my last tonight before I work on fics and go to bed.
While Vibrant shows just how good she can be at giving Alex
Bread pudding.
2149034 Damn you're kinda evil....Well to be fair it's fitting the theme of the original which also made me want to scrub my skin afterwards....
2150051
I'm not evil, I'm just satisfying your fanfic needs through friendship and ponies...
And you think that's bad? Things can get much, much worse than they already have. The "Celestia is a wonderful boss and friend" idea doesn't really seem to fit the setting laid out in the original story, does it?
2151005...Now you're just making me incredibly nervous ><
2151957
Do you have any sound files of maniacal laughter? You should play one now to get the full effect.
2149540
The things that we've suggested here would even shock poor Valerie
If she knew her ship would lead to this she'd prob'ly join a nunnery
But since Celestia knows of so many clever things to say
Maybe Jo uploads too and joins the couple for a hot three
day weekend down at the seashore.
...
...
Where they'll all fuck
2152023 *Whimpers and huddles further under defensive blanket fort.*
2152023
Your conversation with maskedferret is not reassuring me
that this will end with EQO's long-term legal security.
If Alex goes to Germany, gets asked to upload, he'll say "ja."
Then he and Jo and Vibrant can engage in that menage. . .
-rie viewing event, where all the glass figurines are shown.
2153059
The online game's ascendancy is canon undeniable
But the fate of all the lawyers is a whole lot less reliable
Some of them will be happy, for some others it might be more dark
Crazy coincidence that Jo's full name shortens to-
Something that isn't a sexual innuendo this time
2153177
Oho, I see what you did there, a secret maybe I have learned
But if I am inaccurate it won't be she who's getting burned
And now I think that we should wait before we do this anymore.
I'd rather have your writing energies spent crafting Chapter 4.
2147453
> So many ways to say that Vibrant wants to suck Alex's-
Nose!
... Someone needs to record that song.
I will admit I was rather enjoying this, up until you killed his mom. Kind've a buzzkill, no matter what the context, really.
But then I read the comments, and this had me laughing again -
2153479
2153177
This also needs recording, by the way.
> He was about three sentences in when a little cartoon paper clip popped up in the corner of the screen. Although Alex had never seen a paper clip with an ethereal, tri-color mane before.
Nooo! No paperclips! I feel very very unsafe! Burn it with fire!
I had a friend who went into a coma after a car accident and came out with non-survivable brain damage.
I think I want to kick Jack's ass even more than your average reader.
(Which is hard, since you've done a damn good job making him unlikable by just about anyone. I approve.)
I would swap the comma you've got here for a semicolon, a dash, or even a period, and add a comma after "days". That first part might just be me, though.
Is PonyPad one word or two? I remember seeing it as one when Celestia discussed her charitable donations, but here it's two.