- Member Since 3rd Jul, 2012
- offline last seen 6 hours ago
Biker_Dash
The Goal... 200+ mph in the Standing Mile. To Tartarus with academy records, I want to hold a Land Speed Record.
Biker_Dash
Joined 3rd Jul, 2012 ·
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I wonder what my mother would say if she knew her teenage daughter was reading this.
2481845 lol, then just don't let her catch ya!
2481845
She would say:
"YOUNG LADY! WHAT ARE YOU READING!? THIS IS ALL WRONG! WHERE ARE THE HUMANS!?"
i.imgur.com/HFp4N.gif
Otherwise, this is fuckin' good.
2483031 That was dedicated to U BRO!
There were a few grammar/capitalization mistakes, but overall, this was a pretty hot little piece of clop! And PinkieLight/Twinkie is a pretty cute pair. So, good job!
2484052 Sadly, tonight, I just cannot find inspiration. Maybe I needed a ride today, but after the brakes failing me on the bike while riding yesterday, its in the shop until it can be fixed.
Dont know why... feel a bit down tonight
2484261
Aww, that sucks. Hope the bike gets fixed soon.
Don't sweat it. Inspiration doesn't always strike when we want it to. Hope you feel better soon.
2484273 Hope so as well. I was doin good last night, and even earlier today, for that matter
*Reads synopsis*
*Reads fic*
i.imgur.com/R3X0i.jpg
-Rolling twilight on her back, she then starts kissing slowly [WONT] her neck, and on down her chest.-
What did you mean to put there? xD
Its not bad.... but i can certainly tell it took only 75 minutes to write. Lack of desccriptions, and elaborations makes the text a bit... dry. I also find it hard to believe that Twilight gave into Pinkies antics so quickly with no need for convincing...... But not bad overall.
2685704 lol, I'm not all that good at writing clop. I could only DREAM of being as good as Anonymous Pegasus or Twilightclopple in that department
2685762 practice makes perfect my friend. you got some potential, just try refining your approach. It toke me nearly 2 years to build my current writing skill, and its FAR from perfect. Just don't give up buddy
2687789 I just need to get the motivation to write... seems that lately, I have been too stressed to consider writing blogs even
2688121 I guess you need Pinkie Pie now.
2937563 Or ANY single mare... short of Granny Smith
2937573 so
or 
? 
Sorry just had to choose the two least attractive mares that I could think of off the top of my head. I personally would choose 
or 
. Unless I could choose both at once.
Hehe, I'm SURE you thoroughly enjoyed writing this!
There are a still a few errors in here, want me to go through it with you? I'd be more than happy to help!
2942506
I'll happily take
. MINE!
2942506 If you want some good TwiDash... check out the works of 3079515. You will find them to be MOST EXCELLENT!
I haven't seen the unimproved version, but you should have someone take another editing pass at this. There's still quite a few grammar and missing word errors, you also use past perfect tense for the first few paragraphs (she had seen, had been kept, had relented, etc) before changing to a more regular past tense for the rest of the story.
The premise for sex is exceedingly flimsy to the point of pretty much just being "pony a and pony b meet and then buck." You can kind of get away with this for Pinkie by sweeping it under the rug as "sex is fun and Pinkie is fun, therefore Pinkie has sex", but Twilight would need more of a reason than just being stressed and using a friend as a stress reliever.
Lastly, the story could use better descriptive language throughout; at times it reads off like one of Twilight's checklists. You check off each character's actions but you lose the feeling and vibrancy that descriptive language provides.
Keep working on this and I'm sure you'll improve.
I'm sorry if I seem overly critical, but The Abyss submitted this story for consideration to the High Quality Mature Fiction group, so the expectations were set pretty high. Hopefully you'll take another crack at this one, but if not, take what you've learned and make the next story great.
Congratulations. This story has good enough grammar to be added to the Good Grammar Directory, a comprehensive directory of grammatically correct stories on FIMFiction.
Also, sigh, proofreading clop.
I just finished reading this and...allnim going to say sir is
...great story me want most of this with two pie and dash maybe even shy!! Again its 
all in one bed horny as fuck with a bag full of toys and 10 bottles of lube
3131716 oh hush you.... now you make me want to clop!
3131720 yes yes do what this mare tells u
its not creepy a lot of ponies do as I say I'm just that good with words
anyway I want that story written it would be loved everywhere
3131739 lol, well, my next clopfic is a Chrysalis x Fluffle Puff one... hope that does not disappoint
3131745no it well not as long as group sex is in u know with the change lings....is fluff a boy or girl I never knew
this agers the shadow wolf must eat pie!
3085217
IS MINE! Get somepony else. I want to cum inside 
3141323 You do NOT get
... 3085217 gets 
3141325 Fine. I want
instead.
Thats one of her problems. Twilight really needs to learn to let herself fall and let someone else be in charge for once. Maybe then she'd not work herself up like this anymore
3141325 I'll take either
, (aged) 
, or 
, if you could. In that order, of course.
3209377 lol will you settle for Chrysalis x Fluffle Puff?
3209393 FUBAR
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/288/212/dc7.gif
Eyeing the items with a skeptical look in her eye, Twilight wondered if Pinkie had finally gone off her rocker.
Mac: Actually, Pinkie never owned a rocker. The only pony that I can ever recall sitting in one is Granny Smith.
Short and sweet. Multiple releases and due focus on wet mare parts are a good way to please me.
5589343 How about that ending with RD up on the cloud? lol
5589351 It makes sense she'd notice with her keen observation skills. I suppose it could set things up for a 3 way.
5589384 Hmmmm... trying to get me back into my writing?
Actually, I do have an idea I am forming in my head for a telling of the TRUE tale of Hearthswarming...
Thinkof the Hearthswarming play the M6 did as a modern Fairy Tale, and my fic an original Brothers Grimm version lol
5589400 So it would contain death and vague debauchery? lol. Best of luck. It sounds like an original idea.
5589536 Death, gratuitous violence, gratuitous sex, gratuitous violent sex...
Booze, politics, bad language, tragic loss, adultery, monsters, more and more sex, booze and violence, back stabbing...
Yeah, it's Game of Thrones done to pastel colored magical horsies
5589597 I somehow don't remember the Brothers Grimm getting into explicit detail. I'll have to go read their stuff more closely.
5589970 lol it was meant only as a comparison example.
5589998 Gotcha. I tend to be too literal at times.
5590047 and my randomness which occupies the cranial space which in normal people contains a brain, occasionally causes my intent to appear blurred.
Also... I am curious as to where you got the concept for shipping Best Pony with Fluttershy. lol
5590233 Muh brain came up with it. The prologue of my fic explains my reasoning, basically, but, beyond that, I'm a bit like Fluttershy in real life when I'm not writing, and I followed my own preferences.
5590522 ah, ok